//------------------------------//
// Round 10 
// Story: Cards Against Creatures 
// by Dawn Flower 
//------------------------------//

“When I’m a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate blank,” Sandbar began, reading out the first black card of the final round of Cards Against Equestria.

After all drawing another white card to put them all back up to ten, the rest of the students all quickly got to selecting their cards for this prompt. There was no hesitation – from the crass language on the cards, or unsure looks from any of the students, which both gave the group hope that the last round would start off well, and showed just how far they had all come with this game since the beginning.

Once everycreature had selected their card and passed them to Sandbar, he gave them a quick shuffle before drawing the first one and reading it out. “When I’m a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate getting fingered.”

The laughter was immediate.

“Good old fashioned crude language, as this game should be,” Gallus noted.

“So was it the first time or just a memorable one?” Smolder asked.

“Why not both?” Silverstream wondered aloud.

Once the laughter for the first white card had begun to die down, Sandbar drew the next one. “When I’m a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate my huge penis and substantial fortune.”

There was again more laughter from the whole group.

“Two things Gallus will never have,” Smolder shots fired.

“Two things Smolder desperately wants,” Gallus immediately fired back.

Sandbar grinned good-naturedly at the two of them as he drew the next card. “When I’m a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate freedom.”

“Boring. That not fit with this game,” Yona commented.

“Agreed,” Silverstream agreed.

“Come on, let’s keep this train rolling,” Smolder continued.

“Well, alright,” Sandbar replied with a contented smile as he drew the next card. “When I’m a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate fucking my therapist.”

The laughter was back in earnest once again, with many of the students clutching at their stomachs in laughter.

“Quite the memorable moment,” Smolder noted.

“And finally,” Sandbar began, drawing the last white card. However, as soon as he looked at it, he immediately blanked. “Uhhmmm…” He began. “…when I’m a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate… plugging a toaster into a mule’s vagina and then beating her because it doesn’t work.”

The rest of the group were completely silent for a moment, looking between each other, with similar looks to Sandbar on their faces, more confused than bored.

“Uhhmm… okay,” Ocellus stuttered.

“Yeah,” Sandbar said slowly. “I’ll choose ‘huge penis and substantial fortune’. Who had that?”

“Yona does,” the young yak spoke up, waving her hoof in the air excitably, breaking the uncomfortable silence. The silence was then further broken up by some light chuckles from some of the other students, at the way that Yona had responded, although Yona didn’t seem to catch on. “What?”

“Never mind,” Gallus said with a wave of his talon. “Now it’s time for my final black card,” he continued, drawing said black card. “Kids, I don’t need drugs to get high. I’m high on blank.”

The rest of the students all drew another white card to put themselves back up to ten and then quickly got to choosing their card for the prompt. Once they had all chosen their card and passed them to Gallus, he gave them a quick shuffle before drawing the first one and reading it out. “Kids, I don’t need drugs to get high. I’m high on incest.”

There were a few light chuckles for that card.

“That sounds like a changeling thing,” Smolder commented.

“Hey!” Ocellus interjected, sounding offended.

“Relax, that’s a bug thing, and changelings are like bugs, so it’s just a stereotype,” the dragoness defended.

“No, it’s racist. There’s a difference,” Ocellus responded immediately, mirroring another moment between her and Smolder from earlier in the game session. She decided to keep the fact that under Chrysalis’ rule some changelings actually were paired with their siblings to herself.

Next to her, the cocky dragoness simply silently shrugged her shoulders at her in response.

“Anyway, moving on,” Gallus continued, drawing the next white card. “Kids, I don’t need drugs to get high. I’m high on dark and mysterious forces beyond our control.”

“Oh, so that was Cozy Glow’s problem – she was just high,” Silverstream interjected.

The group immediately lost it, breaking out in laughter once again.

“Okay, is mentioning Cozy Glow in this game to be horrible just going to be an instant win?” Sandbar wondered aloud.

“It would be the most good that she’s ever done,” Ocellus replied.

“Ooooo, burn,” Smolder said from beside her.

Yona raised an eyebrow at the dragoness. “What Smolder burn this time?”

Smolder was again about to respond to her yak friend, but once again just brushed it aside. “It’s nothing.” She then turned to Gallus. “Next card.”

“Kids, I don’t need drugs to get high. I’m high on sweet sweet vengeance.”

“Cozy Glow then, Cozy Glow now,” Sandbar commented, earning more laughter than the card.

“Nah, she’s locked up in Tartarus. I doubt we’ll be seeing her ever again,” Gallus reassured him. He then drew the next white card and couldn’t help but smirk when he saw what it said. “Kids, I don’t need drugs to get high. I’m high on murdering our parents.” He then drew the last white card. “Kids, I don’t need drugs to get high. I’m high on corn.” He then chuckled a bit to himself, though he was the only one. “That’s actually pretty good.”

Across from him, Silverstream blushed just a little bit.

“So, Princess Gallus,” Smolder began. “What’s the verdict?”

Looking up, Gallus just smirked. “I choose ‘murdering our parents’, here you go Sandbar, I know it was you, get help, Yona it’s your turn,” he said all in quick succession, flicking the black card in Sandbar’s direction, without even turning to face him as he did so.

Neither Sandbar nor anycreature else said anything to contradict this, which confirmed his suspiscion. Sandbar just picked up the black card with a silent smirk.

“Now it Yona’s last turn as Card Princess,” the yak said as she reached out and drew the next black card. “Help! My son is blank!”

The rest of them all got the selecting their cards for this prompt, which they all did quickly and passed them towards Yona.

“Help! My son is falling into a bottomless void!”

“Help! My son is drowning in a sea of water!”

“Help! My son is eating pussy bad!”

Ocellus seemed to wince a bit in response. “That card seems to have some… unfortunate implications.”

“Incest implications,” Smolder spoke up, in a snide tone. “Any particular reason you were the one to point that out?”

“Shut up,” Ocellus replied bluntly, raising her cards up to block the dragoness from her field of vision.

“Ooooohhh, catty. Rawr,” the dragoness mock growled in her direction.

“Get room, you two,” Yona deadpanned. However, before either of them could respond to that, she drew the next white card to continue. “Help! My son is reaching an age where BBQ chips are better than sex!”

There was a bit of laughter for that card but not much.

“Help! My son is getting killed and dragged up a tree by a leopard!”

“A pretty average round if you ask me,” Sandbar commented. “Definitely better than a boring one, though.” The other students all nodded in agreement with that.

Once every card had been read out, Yona put a hoof to her mouth, taking a moment to think and trying to decide on a winner. “Yona choose this card,” she finally spoke up, still holding the ‘leopard’ card.

“That’s me,” Silverstream replied happily, as Yona passed her the black card for her point.

“Alright, now it’s time for my last card of the game,” Smolder began, drawing a black card from the pile. “Drugs + blank = a really bad time.”

The other students quickly got to selecting their cards, with more enthusiasm this time than the last one. Smolder had received everycreature’s cards in short order, and after a quick shuffle to randomize them, began reading them out.

“Drugs + jazz = a really bad time.”

“Isn’t that basically just the life of every jazz player?” Gallus wondered aloud.

“Yeah, basically,” Smolder gave him a look before drawing the next card. “Drugs + sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g = a really bad time.”

That card got a bit more laughter than the first one.

“Wouldn’t it be drugs plus what comes after kissing that would lead to a really bad time?” Ocellus wondered aloud.

Smolder just silently shrugged her shoulders at her in response before drawing the next card. “Drugs + hard-hitting investigative journalism = a really bad time.”

“Yeah, that would certainly lead to a bad time,” Gallus noted.

“Is the journalist the one doing the drugs or investigating the person doing the drugs?” Sandbar asked.

“Either one would fit, really,” Smolder answered. “Drugs + free samples = a really bad time.”

“Free samples of what, exactly?” Ocellus wondered.

Smolder smirked at her. “I think we all know what at this point in the game.” She then drew the last white card. “Drugs + seeing what happens when you lock a bunch of people in a room with hungry seagulls = a really bad time.”

The last card earned a lot of laughter from the group.

“Okay that one was pretty good, but I think I’ll go with ‘k-i-s-s-i-n-g’. Who had that?”

“Me again,” Silverstream answered.

Smolder simply passed the black card to her hippogriff friend. “How does it feel, whoever played the ‘seagulls’ card?” She suddenly yelled out to the whole group. No creature responded to it and instead they all just laughed at more of Smolder’s hyper-competitiveness.

“Okay, now it’s time for my last card as the Card Princess,” Ocellus spoke up, using her magic to draw a black card from the deck, which after ten rounds had gotten a lot smaller. “You can call me The Great and Powerful Trixie, because I’m about to make blank disappear. And since this is going to be the last round and we haven’t done it yet, I want you all to read out your own cards.”

“I’ll go first then,” Silverstream said excitably a moment later, having already chosen her card. “You can call me The Great and Powerful Trixie, because I’m about to make the most eligible bachelor in Equestria disappear.”

“I’m sure you will, Silver,” Ocellus said with a knowing grin.

“Huh?”

“Who’s next?” Ocellus said quickly, turning back towards the group.

“I’ll go next,” Sandbar spoke up. “You can call me The Great and Powerful Trixie, because I’m about to make a stallion two times the size of a stallion half his size disappear.”

Smolder rolled her eyes in his direction. “Lame.” She then moved to read out her own card. “You can call me The Great and Powerful Trixie, because I’m about to make a big problem disappear.” Her card got the most laughs yet.

“That actually sounds like a proper boast,” Ocellus noted.

“And Trixie is the kind of pony that would boast about herself a lot,” Gallus added.

“She's a boast buster!” Silverstream exclaimed.

“Yona next,” the young yak called out. “You can call Yona The Great and Powerful Trixie, because she about to make the cool smoking guys disappear.”

There wasn’t laughter for that card, so Gallus, who was the last one left, moved to read out his card. “You can call me The Great and Powerful Trixie, because I’m about to make twenty bits disappear… aka, any business transaction in Griffonstone. Come at me!” He quickly added.

There was once again laughter from the whole group, though more from what he added than the card itself.

“Well, Silverstream’s card was good, and Gallus’ comment made his better, but I think I’ll go with ‘a big pro…”

“Yes! Victory for Smolder!” The dragoness yelled out as she stood up triumphantly.

“You sure seem excited for some who literally can’t win,” Gallus noted, with a sly grin on his face.

“Hey, at this point I’ll take any victory I can get. It doesn’t matter how minor it is – winning is winning.” The young dragoness rationalised.

Ocellus just rolled her eyes at her dragon friend in a playfull manner, and then floated the black card over to her, which she took with enthusiasm.

“Well, time for my last card now and the last card of the game,” Silverstream began, with an excitable smile on her face as she drew the last black card. “What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?”

After drawing another white card from the pile, which was now also much smaller than when they started, to put them all back up to ten white cards, they all got to selecting which of their cards to play for the last time. After they had all chosen their cards and passed them up to Silverstream, she gave them all a quick shuffle before drawing the first card and reading it out.

“Well, here we go for one last time,” the excitable hippogriff began. “What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Hiking up a hillside, covered in bear semen, yelling ‘I’m the queen of the forest!’.”

First card of the last prompt and the whole group was already laughing hard.

“Is it weird that I could totally see Professor Applejack’s Granny doing that?” Gallus asked.

“Yes. Yes it is,” Smolder answered bluntly, though with a sly smirk on her face at the same time.

“What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Smashing my doodies through a cheese grater.” There was more uncomfortable looks than laughter for that card, so Card Princess Silverstream decided to move on quickly. “What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? A vagina that beatboxes when it’s horny.”

The whole group started laughing once again in response. A moment later, however, Silverstream started leaning in close to Ocellus’ thighs, which made the changeling stop laughing and start blushing nervously. “Uhhmm, what are you doing?”

“Trying to listen to the beatboxing,” Silverstream said in her usual, excited, bubbly tone.

“Wh-what?!” Ocellus blanched, now turning almost completely pink. “Why would you say something like that to me?”

However, instead of a response, it just caused another resurgence in laughter from the whole group, now sans Ocellus.

Once everyone had calmed down enough to continue, Silverstream read out the next card. “What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? My ugly face and bad personality.”

“That one’s pretty nice, actually,” Sandbar spoke up. “It’s the kind of support that any Grandma would have.”

“Am I correct in assuming that you not only have a complicated relationship with your parents, but also a very close one with your Grandma?” Gallus asked from beside him.

“Maybe,” Sandbar responded, not elaborating on it further. Gallus, meanwhile, just gave him a playful eye roll in response.

“What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?” Silverstream continued. “Having fingers for teeth.”

There was some laughter for this card, though it was offset a bit by the truly disturbing image.

Once every card had been read out, Silverstream gathered them all up in her talon once again and then selected one of them in particular. “Well, you know what they say: first is best. I choose ‘hiking up a hillside, covered in…”

“That Yona card!” the young yak interupted. Silverstream then passed her the black card, which made the yak smile as well.

“Well, that’s it then,” Sandbar began, looking around the room, with a content smile on his face. “We managed to complete a full ten rounds of Cards Against Equestria, and not only did we not kill each other, but I’d say that on the whole, our friendship is now stronger than it’s ever been.”

“That’s true,” Ocellus agreed. “All of the sarcastic comments aside, we managed to take it all in stride, not get too bogged down by and were even entertained by all of the raunchy language, and we were even help each other through some hard times, and possibly even more,” with a very quick blink-and-you’ll-miss-it glance between Gallus and Silverstream. “I’d say that this game was a huge success.”

There was a round of affirmative head nods from everyone in the room.

“It was fun,” Yona said.

“It was funny,” Silverstream added.

“It was raunchy,” Smolder noted.

“It was helpful,” Ocellus continued.

“It was great way to spend time with great friends,” Gallus finished.

Sandbar could only smile in response, happy to know that his and Starlight’s plan to strengthen their group’s friendship was a huge success. “That’s good to hear. I guess now all that’s left is to count up the number of black cards we each have as our points to determine the winner.” He then started counting his own cards. “I’ve got nine.”

“I’ve got nine, too,” Gallus spoke up next, holding up his cards.

“Yona have twelve black cards.”

Smolder counted her own cards and her eyes drooped a bit as she held them up, knowing that she likely came in last place. “I’ve got seven,” she deadpanned.

“I have eleven,” Ocellus said next, holding the cards up in her magic.

“And I have twelve,” Silverstream beamed happily.

“So that means… it’s a tie between Yona and Silverstream?” Gallus mentally worked out the math in his head.

“Oh, no!” Smolder shouted out. “I did not sit through ten rounds of this just to have it end in a tie. We need some way to pick a winner.”

“But how?” Ocellus responded to her.

After hearing that, Sandbar began tapping a hoof to his chin in thought. “Well, I suppose we could have one more card between Yona and Silverstream, and have the rest of us vote on it. Although, since that leaves four of us left to vote, it could just lead to another tie.”

“What if we asked Starlight to join in on the voting?” Ocellus suggested. “She could act as a tie-breaker, and since she was the one who started this game, it would be fitting that she help end it as well.”

“It would be an interesting way to have this whole thing come full circle,” Gallus added.

“Book-ends!” Silverstream blurted out.

The whole group seemed to agree that this would be a good way to end the game, with another round of affirmative head nods to signafy this.

“Well, alright then,” Sandbar continued. “Everycreature get ready. Yona and Silverstream draw another white card, Smolder, you and Gallus go and get Starlight; and prepare, everycreature…” He put his hoof over the deck of black cards. “For the very last Card Against Equestria.”


To Be Concluded…