The faculty lounge of Canterlot High was as dim and brown as Sunset recalled. She took her old place on the room’s easy chair, now so worn she could feel its metal frame beneath her butt. Still one of the more comfortable seats available, generally shunned for its proximity to the half-full old coffee pot that seemed to double as a science experiment.
She hesitantly poked beneath her eye and nodded at the lack of pain. Seeing two black eyes in the mirror was a bit disturbing the first time, but a potion from Celestia’s stash put her injuries back in order. Zecora was a good friend to have, even if she possessed a strange sense of humor.
“Are you doing okay, Sweetie?”
Sunset met her mother’s gaze and smiled. The woman mirrored the gesture, but it was strained.
“Fine,” Sunset said. “Just nervous. The concert’s in four days, and I really don’t like that it took us this long to meet.”
“Life doesn’t stop for the hunting.” Celestia gave a calm shrug and sipped from a water glass. “And it’s not like other creatures of doom take the week off for this. Iron Will and Cranky won’t be joining us, they’re still carving up the Blight Tree. And Whooves is presently negotiating with lizard men, so it’s just us girls for today.”
“And Harshwhinny,” Luna said lowly. The mentioned woman sent her an icy glare, and the rest had the good sense to hide their smiles. For her part, Sunset could not help but picture Miss Harshwhinny in Hemline lingerie and studiously avoided looking at her.
“Then it looks like everyone’s here.” Redheart gestured to Cheerilee, Applebloom, and the rest.
Then she blinked, stood, and dragged Applebloom from the room, ignoring her protests. “I wanna be a hero, just like my sis! Come on, I can shoot better than her, and I sure as sow know more about vampires. I’ve read all the Twilight books, and–”
“Maybe when you’re a senior,” Redheart called as she tossed the girl outside, then closed and locked the door.
Nagatha Harshwhinny gave a disapproving grunt. “She will hold us to that. All you did was delay the problem.”
“Delaying problems is literally all of life.” Redheart met her gaze with a half-lidded one. “You know how it works. If we totally deny them on Monday, they run off on their own Tuesday, and we have to mount a rescue Wednesday to stop them from being the bride of Frankenstein or something.”
Harshwhinny sniffed and arched her nose. “You do know that Frankenstein was the man who made the monster, not the monster itself?”
“You do know that nobody cares?”
“If we could get focused, please,” Celestia asked gently.
“Right. Sirens.” Cheerilee blew out a sigh as Redheart sat down on the couch. “I don’t even remember what happened with them last time. How do you fight something that can control your mind?”
“I don’t think they control minds,” Luna said, leaning over the table. “Not directly. I don’t really remember my end either, but I know they did it by fiddling with our emotions. They made Celestia and I happy to follow their suggestion to make a band battle, then made the students furious and competitive. They’re like emotion-vampires for that kind of stuff, and now they’re about to do it to a concert of thousands.”
“Allegedly,” Harshwhinny added, fixing Sunset with look.
Sunset held firm. “It seems likely.”
“We can’t murder someone on ‘likely,’” Redheart noted.
“And we don’t know where they’ll be until the concert,” Celestia sighed. “We’ll have to wait. Stake it out and deal with whatever comes.”
Cheerilee arched both eyebrows. “Sure, but what do we do when ‘whatever comes’ includes magic singing that drives us crazy?”
An approving “Hm,” came from Harshwhinny’s throat, and she gave a tight stretch of the lips that probably counted as a smile. “For protection against sirens, we need look no further than that of Odysseus.”
Silence fell, and blank stares answered from the others.
“From the Odyssey,” Harshwhinny clarified, the maybe-smile twitching at its edge.
No answer. Harshwhinny looked pleadingly to Celestia, who could only give an embarrassed shrug.
“The ancient-world epic?” Harshwhinny asked through grit teeth, her face falling as she searched in vain for a sign of recognition. “Homer?”
“Simpson?” Luna unhelpfully tried.
“Fine custodians of the future you lot are,” Harshwhinny grumbled. “Odysseus used beeswax, but we have cotton swabs and ear plugs. Anything to block out the music; even loud headphones will do.”
“Will it?” Cheerilee asked.
Sunset’s eyes flashed with recollection and she bobbed her head. “Yes! Back at the band battle, Vinyl Scratch was immune because of her headphones.”
Her enthusiasm waned as quickly as it rose. “But… is that really all we can do? Just wait for them to start causing chaos?”
“That’s an unhappy part of the business,” Celestia said with a wry smile. “We won’t know where they are until then. And if we did, there would be security and police who would assuredly be on their side. Chaos is our tool as well as theirs.”
A muffled clapping began at the last words, sounded from a hand in a satin glove impacting one in a mitten. “Well said! You’re not as boring as you look.”
The words came from an empty seat no one had been looking at in that second. They turned to find it occupied by a slate-gray man in a mismatched suit, still applauding as five guns and Redheart’s flamethrower were drawn and pointed at him.
“Mister Discord?” Sunset squeaked in a confused tone.
“You know him?” Redheart asked.
“No,” Discord said, at the same time Sunset yelled, “Yes! I think he’s the one responsible for all this!”
Discord paused mid-clap, and with a click and fwoosh, Redheart ignited the pilot flame on her weapon.
The mitten pointed at Sunset, below Discord’s grin. “Incorrect. But close. I am Equestria’s Discord, here with a warning and offer of aid.”
Redheart gave a tight smile. “And we believe you, why?”
Discord pointed the mitten at Celestia, somehow also while maintaining its point at Sunset. “We met in Equestria. You made like every obnoxious mom in history and tried to show me photos of your kid. I got while the getting was good.”
Celestia was too polite to protest, but Luna was not. “If you’re trying to endear yourself...”
“Perish the thought!” Discord snapped his fingers and a tombstone labeled ‘Discord cares what some idiot humans think of him’ appeared on the table. “I am here to give information and assistance. Because, really: charming as it is, your juvenile ‘just wing it’ approach is silly on the best of days, and is obvious to anyone with a brain to be grossly inadequate.”
The hunters slowly began to stow their weapons, shuffling uncomfortably.
Except for Harshwhinny. “Our ‘juvenile’ approach results from a lack of resources, intelligence, and official backing, none of which can be easily rectified. It is the result of multiple decades of experience making the best of difficult conflicts that require creative solutions. I would not expect you to understand.”
“I saw the birth of planets,” Discord said with a lazy smile. “I can bend reality at a whim, and am a literal god. Of chaos, that is, so I know a thing or two about understanding and creativity.”
“Unearned power inhibits such traits,” Harshwhinny said in her sternest, Harshwhinniest tone. “When one can do things with a literal snap of the fingers, one develops no ability to think critically, improve talent, and overcome adversity – building blocks of both creativity and a strong character. One also develops no empathy for those who do, and so feels comfortable criticizing others for not solving problems by snapping their fingers. Which, might I add, you have not done.”
A miffed expression crossed Discord’s face. “Things get dangerous when my magic interacts with that which is here. Now do you always insult those who come to help?”
“When it is deserved,” Harshwhinny said primly. “Do you always insult those you rely on to do the actual work?”
Discord shrugged. “Yes. And before you say it, yes, I know it’s because my overpowered upbringing spoiled me from having to learn to treat others with respect. Speaking of which...”
He snapped the mitted hand, and Harshwhinny disappeared. “So anyway, what you call the Dazzlings are trying–”
“Hey!” Redheart shouted, and lurched her flamethrower back into position. The pilot light brushed against the sofa’s cloth arm as she did so, setting a very small part of it aflame.
“She’s fine!” Discord waved dismissively. “She’s in a mall in her underwear.”
Sunset blushed and covered her face. Luna raised an eyebrow. “I hate to take her side, but: concession accepted.”
Discord snorted. “Yes, yes, you’re all very witty, strong, independent women who don’t need no demigod. Except this time, you really do.”
“Please tell us why,” Celestia said calmly.
“So sweet and polite, just like Celestia-one.” Discord groaned and rolled his eyes. “I preferred the mean lady. Anyway, look: your enemies’ venue is no coincidence. There is an ancient evil buried beneath Canterlot Mountain. As the sirens play, they will evoke rage and harvest the resulting magic. It will be directed to their master, breaking him free to begin a new reign of terror. His name is Tirek–”
“Pfffft!”
Redheart made the noise with tongue and lips, chuckling as she tried to swat out her fire.
Luna laughed as well. “Tirek? Like from that overrated video game?”
“I don’t know what that means,” Discord said, irate at the interruptions. “But he’s going to be huge, utterly invulnerable, and will frankly have your media-panicked world at his nonexistent mercy. What’s more, the job is already mostly done. The sirens have been harvesting magic for a year now, and he’s been taking his share. All they need is this last big burst, and if the sirens fail, he’ll get it elsewhere.”
“I see.” Celestia – no stranger to doomsday predictions – gave a placid smile. “I do not expect you came all this way just to tell us we’re doomed.”
Discord nodded. “A fine setup for continued exposition, thank you very much. Since dropping the Dazzlings’ isn’t a permanent solution, you’ll need to take the big daddy down. The bad news is that he has more mystic power in his pinkie than your world has left in its concrete soul. Nothing you have can even dent him. You are in luck, however, for I...”
He paused, coughed a little, then went on. “...Played an absolutely essential role in the defeat of my world’s Tirek. Now, the power that beat him won’t translate exactly onto Earth, but I have an idea for how we can make it work. I’ll need Celestia-two to come with me to Equestria. The rest of you… whatever. There will inevitably be minor baddies for you to fight as well, that’s how this works, but I don’t care.”
“The Elements of Harmony?” Sunset ventured, but got a snort in response.
“Please, consider their history on Earth: a little crater and a little redemption with you, and a few broken gems for the sirens. Not exactly an ace in hoof when dealing with a prime evil of the world. We need to do this the human way, and I’ve just the ticket.”
“Which is?” Celestia asked. “I’m sorry, but I’m leery of making a trip to Equestria on the eve of battle.”
Luna nodded. “Plus, the gate only opens when the moon is full.”
“Full moon,” Discord snapped his fingers. “Done. Your astronomers will be confused but it’s not like they did anything productive anyway. As for you, Celestia-two… actually, can you start protesting when I call you that? It’s kind of annoying that you let it pass without comment.”
“No,” Celestia said pleasantly, with only the tiniest quirk to her smile.
“Of course,” Discord grumbled. “I swear, you Celestias are like plain toast… anyway, you don’t have a choice. I need you for this, it’ll take a few days, and I really don’t care to explain when you’ll see it all yourself. It’s all I can think of that can beat Tirek on Earth, so are you in?”
“In, but...” Celestia caught herself as she noticed smoke coming the sofa. “Redheart, did you set the couch on fire?”
“No!” Redheart shouted, now jumping on the flames to no avail. “I didn’t mean to!”
Cheerilee dashed for a fire extinguisher, and Celestia turned back to Discord as the minor chaos played out. “Fine. Let me stop home for a few things, and I’ll meet you at the portal.”
“It’s right outside.” Discord pointed with his thumb.
Celestia stood, and conscientiously threw her water at the fire. “Going to Equestria has some complications, especially when there might be violence after I get back. I need to change, but I can be through within the hour.”
“Then I’ll see you on the other side,” Discord said. He readied his hand for a finger-snap. “Actually, why don’t I save you a trip and just speed you home?”
“Wait!” Celestia called, and turned to Sunset. “Sweetie, be careful. I love you, don’t do anything re–”
The hand snapped, and Celestia vanished.
Discord puckered his lips and smooshed his cheeks, batting suddenly-long eyelashes with a falsetto voice. “I wuv you, my perfect sunny bunny sweetie angel daughter, so much that I’ll REPEAT IT IN EVERY DAMN CHAPTER WE SHARE!”
“Man, fuck you,” Sunset said, raising her voice over the sound of the fire extinguisher. “I like getting told that I’m loved.”
“This is Earth. Love won’t save you.”
Discord vanished with a final snap, leaving behind a frustrated Sunset. She picked irately at her chair’s frayed armrests, mumbling, “What the heck is that supposed to mean?”
“It means there’s no ‘love magic’ here on Earth.” Luna gave her shoulder a friendly shove. “We need tactically-applied violence to take down the bad guys, and that’s just what we’ll do. It also means he felt the need to throw out witty comebacks in response to familial affection, so he’s kind of a jerk.”
Sunset blew out a sigh. “You’re telling me. So what now?”
Metal jingled as Luna pulled out her keys. “Now I need to go pick up Tia, because mister demigod just sent her home without the car. You head back to your friends. Get them something set up to block the music, and see if your mad scientist can make a Plan B for Tirek. Tia’s group will convene at the school that morning then head over for the concert. We’ll see if we can’t catch them unguarded right before. If that doesn’t happen, you kids go for it once they’ve driven the crowd – and cops – crazy.”
Luna snapped her fingers. “Oh, right. One more thing, Sunset.”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
Luna kissed her palm, and used it to rustle Sunset’s hair. “We’ll all be together for this. It’ll be fine.”
Sunset took the bus to her dorm. It was just as well – Celestia’s preparations for Equestria left Luna more than a little disconcerted in ways that probably weren’t healthy for a developing young mind. Even driving back to the school, she had trouble looking over to the older sister.
Luna did anyway, half to confirm she wasn’t dreaming. Celestia was back in her golden bikini, although had an overcoat thrown over her shoulders. Even more curious were the rainbow leggings stretching the breadth of her long legs from ankle to thigh.
Celestia answered, though Luna did not ask. “I know, it looks ridiculous. But these materials are stretchy enough that I don’t think they’ll be destroyed when I turn into a pony. I can wear them in and out, retaining some modesty and hopefully avoiding a recreation of last time.”
Luna let the issue pass with a shrug. “Sure, fine. So long as we still win like last time. I don’t like putting our fate in the hands of some maniac.”
“To most people, we’re the maniacs,” Celestia said with a helpless smile. “If Discord’s right about some unstoppable evil rising at the concert, this is our best chance. If he’s not, I have confidence our group and Sunset’s can handle two brat pop stars.”
“Interesting,” Luna noted. “Last year it was ‘don’t you dare go hunting.’ Now you’re willingly bringing in Sunset and her group.”
Celestia looked out the window, picking idly at her bikini’s strap. “You heard us in the hospital. She’s done a lot of good, and it would be selfish of me to keep her from it.”
The steering wheel turned easily in Luna’s hands, and she pulled into the school’s parking lot for the third time that day. The untimely full moon glowed above, and she fancied she could see the Equestrian portal wobbling into existence beneath its statue.
“Stay safe.”
“It’s Equestria.” Celestia placed a pecking kiss on Luna’s cheek, then shivered as she left the car. “I’ll be much safer than you. You’re in charge without me, you know.”
“Then you better get back soon.” They traded wan, nervous smiles, but Celestia did not linger in the cold. She stomped forwards in ill-fitting boots, kicked them off at the mirror’s edge, shrugged out of her coat, and stepped into the statue’s base. Purple magic rippled with her entry, then vanished as the last bit of her went through.