//------------------------------// // 2.5 - Preliminary Research // Story: Ponies, Portals, and Physics: A Practical Study on Unscheduled Interplanetary Excursion // by superpurple //------------------------------// It turned out that Cinnamon’s list of errands included shopping, inquiring about employment opportunities in the area, and more shopping. Mostly for clothes. That's right. The nudist horse was running around clothes shopping. I really didn’t get it. But while I didn’t get it, I wasn’t going to complain much. By tagging along, I got a combination escort-guide-babysitter to keep me from doing something really stupid or committing some horrible social faux pas that would upset the Canterlot ponies’ delicate sensibilities while I asked around for information, and Cinnamon got someone to carry a steadily-growing pile of bags and to nod along when she asked which one of two identical hats went better with her coat. It was a pretty good arrangement. It went on like that for the better part of the morning. I followed her around while she visited businesses, both as a customer and prospective employee, using me as a pack-griffon for stacks of job ads and purchases. Around noon we took a break to snag a bite to eat from one of the many market stands. Then we went back to it. “Just a few more things,” she’d said. Presently Cinnamon was haggling with a shopkeep about the price of a scarf. Or she was just flirting with the mare. I couldn’t rightly tell where one ended and the other began. In fact, the same could’ve been said about the two ponies, too, if they weren’t clearly color-coded. Never before had I seen price negotiations involve so much physical contact. Eventually, Cinnamon broke off from the other mare and trotted over to where I sat—far from the action amid a mass of shopping bags that didn’t belong to me. She hoofed through a nearby scarf display. “That’s the third time you’ve gone through that one rack. You almost done here?” Cinnamon huffed. “Just about. I didn’t know we were in a rush. Have you come up with your battle plan yet?” “I believe so, yes, back when you were doing whatever the hell it was you were doing in the last shop before you ended up not getting anything.” “I was looking for a winter hat, but they didn’t have any for an earth pony in my size.” I stared at the hat she was wearing. The same one she’d been wearing since Riverstone. “But you already have a hat. And it’s spring.” “Not yet it isn’t. And it’s a lot colder up here in the mountains.” “Sure, yeah, it's cold-er. But I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘cold’” She pouted and her ears flopped back. “Well, not all of us can be as excessively poofy as you.” She poke-poked her hoof into my thick chest feathers. “Some of us have to live with shorter coats. So unless you want to share…” she pressed her side up and into the nook below my wing and batted her eyes up at me. I stepped once away from her. “Nope. Just get your stupid scarf or whatever. Aaaanyways…” I pulled a notepad out of my coat pocket and pointed to a line I’d written. “While you were doing that, I talked to the nice old guy behind the counter, and he told me about these ‘Archives’, which I guess is like a public library of sorts?” She cocked her head. “Wait. You want to go to a library now? What happened to going to a school to bug an expert?” “Oh yeah. No, that’s still the plan. It’s just that, in my experience, professors of advanced sciences aren’t big fans of answering completely moronic questions. Sure, they say they’re all about the teaching, but they like talking about the things they spent decades studying, not answering elementary school questions. So, I wanna try to get some basic understanding of the subject before talking to anyone for real. I think if I have at least half a brain cell’s worth of topical knowledge going in that I’ll stand a lot better chance of not being immediately pointed to the nearest sanatorium and ruining any chance of getting their help.” Cinnamon rolled her eyes. “I don’t think that’s as big a problem as you’re assuming, but sure, we can do that. More knowledge can’t hurt I suppose.” “That’s my thought,” I said, flipping the notepad shut. “You ready to go?” “Hmmm… in a bit. I want to look at a few more of these,” she said, flicking through the hanging scarves. “You are unemployed, right?” I asked incredulously. “Got no income? Or did someone back there hire you already and you’ve just been tossing these flyers on me just to see how high you can stack them?” She threw a scarf at my face so it draped over my eyes and beak. “Hush, Birdy. Don’t question a mare’s needs, it’s bad for your health.” Then she turned away and called out to the shopkeep. “Excuse me, miss, do you have this one in a lighter shade of blue?” With a deep sigh, I pulled the hanging fabric off my beak and sat back down to wait. Despite being a massive nerd my entire life, I didn’t actually have much personal experience with brick and mortar libraries. Thank—or blame—the likes of Google and Wikipedia for that. I only went to the campus library to use the printers and so had never really gone further than the lobby. The last library I’d gone to for the purpose of reading a book was the one at my elementary school when I’d been required by a teacher to do so for a book report. So stepping into the Canterlot Archives, I was a little stunned by the sheer enormity of the place. Before us stood a large circular chamber ringed by several levels of floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. A long, spiraling ramp wrapped up and around its interior circumference all the way to the ceiling. A massive skylit dome topped it off, letting in beams of light to provide illumination. And that was just what was visible from where we were standing near the entrance. The rows of shelves on each floor stretched back out of sight and into the depths of the building. “Damn,” I stated simply. Cinnamon let out a low whistle. “That’s a lot of books.” “Yeah…” I stood there dumbfounded for a solid minute before remembering why we were here and began to look for someone to help us navigate this labyrinth of paper and ink. Just to one side of the entryway was a front desk, behind which sat a single unicorn mare. She bore an almost uncanny resemblance to the girl who manned the front desk at GU’s library. Young, lanky, glasses and braids. An open book sat on the desk in front of her. She didn’t even look up as I approached, her attention fully focussed on the book. “Hey,” I said but got no response. Not even an ear twitch. I cleared my throat. Still nothing. The only movement was of her eyes tracing across the pages. I waited a minute more to see if she’d notice our presence. She didn’t. I leaned over to the side and whispered to Cinnamon out of the corner of my mouth, “Is this what it's like talking to me?” “Yes, but with less book and more twitchy muttering.” “Right…” I said with a slow nod. I stepped forward and clacked a talon on the desk, right in front of the book. “Excuse me, miss.” The mare jolted and looked up. “Oh! Sorry.” She levitated a bookmark into the book, closed it and scooted it aside. “Can I help you?” “Yes, I hope so. I need to do a bit of research, but I don’t know where to start. I’m hoping you—or someone else—can point me in the right direction.” The mare beamed. “Of course. I can help you with that. What is your research about?” “I’m looking for stuff on, uhh… magic,” I replied, grinning awkwardly. The mare’s smile faltered somewhat and she not-to-subtly looked me up and down. “Oh. Well, the magical reference section is on the second floor. Any particular area of focus?” “Uhhh…” I trailed off. Like subject? Field? I don’t fucking know. Yeah, but she knows you don’t know. That’s why you’re asking. “I’m looking for stuff on… magical transportation? Like, really long distances. Really long. Really quickly. By magic.” “Like… teleportation?” the mare offered. Teleportation was a thing? Sure, why not. “Yes?” I quickly glanced to Cinnamon, who simply shrugged. “Yes,” I reaffirmed with a nod. “Reference, magical, arcane sciences, section T-five, teleportation,” the mare recited. “Ok, good.” Might as well try my luck again with the other half of the problem. “And how about, uhh, trans…figuration?” I said, hoping I’d at least gotten close to something real here. The mare nodded. “Transfiguration, transformation and transmutation. Also arcane sciences, all in t-thirteen, I believe.” I took a moment to commit all that to memory. “Right, thanks.” “No problem. I’m happy to help. If you have any more questions, don’t hesitate to ask.” Cinnamon and I made for the stairs up to the second floor. That’d been surprisingly simple. The organizational system in use sounded almost logical. Understandable even! I followed along the posted signs leading through the maze of shelves. There was an obscene amount of books here covering who knew how many topics. By following the given instructions, the subjects gradually narrowed down. My eyes darted between the cards on the ends of the shelves. Telecommunication, telekinesis, telepathy… “Teleportation! Here we are.” I walked up to the row of shelves and looked down the aisle. There was a sizable amount of books here. It’d take me a good bit to scan them to see if anything was useful to a dumbass like myself, but it wasn't totally unmanageable. Might even get out of here before— “This one is also all teleportation,” Cinnamon said from around the corner. She trotted further. “And part of the next one too.” I went over to look. The next row of shelves went about twice as far down as the first. There had to be at least… one, two, three… a metric fuck-ton of books on teleportation alone. I winced and dropped down to my haunches. Cinnamon walked back and gently patted my side with a hoof. “Looks fun. You like books, right Birdy?” “For now. I’m not sure how much longer that will be the case,” I grumbled, looking for the nearest reading desk to set up camp at. “You learned anything yet, Birdy?” Cinnamon said from atop a fortress built from the book’s I’d discarded over the last several hours, plus some more I hadn’t touched. Sometime during that period, she’d also disappeared and returned with snacks, which she now consumed while sprawled across a throne of books in defiance of the clearly posted ‘No Eating’ signs in the area. “I don’t know,” I said, flopping onto the tome-covered reading desk. “I don’t understand anything in these books. Shit might as well be Greek.” “Hmm, the whole magic thing a bit more complicated than you expected?” she asked while adorning a fortress wall with crenellations. “Uhhg. I’m gonna be honest here. I don’t really know what I expected to get out of this. I think I just hoped to find a ‘Practical Uses of Wormholes for Dummies’ or ‘So You’re Stuck on an Alien Planet: A Starter’s Guide.’” Indeed, I had gone to see if such books existed in one of the other sections, but I’d gotten lost doing so and retreated back to the relative safety of this corner of the library. This place really needed an online catalog. With a search engine. I planted my face on the desk. “Man I miss Google.” “What's a google?” Cinnamon asked. I sighed wistfully, “The most amazing thing to happen to clueless people in the history of ever.” There was a shocked “eeep!” and I glanced up from the desk to see the librarian mare from earlier. She looked horrified at Cinnamon’s current antics before she quickly regained her composure. She faced me and the many open books around me and asked, “Did you find what you were searching for?” “Yes. No. I don't know.” I let my face fall back to the desk. “I found what I was looking for but what I was looking for wasn't what I needed.” The librarian cocked her head but remained silent. I sighed. “I don’t know magic. I’m just trying to solve this stupid problem and I don’t even know if I know what the problem is.” She gave a sympathetic nod and got to work reshelving some of the books adjacent to Cinnamon’s fort. “That can be difficult. Have you tried asking somepony at one of the universities?” She held up one of the discarded books in her magic and pointed to the cover. “Professor Cosmic String teaches at the Arcane University, not far from here. He may be able to help you. If not, perhaps try the magical help center there?” The librarian gave Cinnamon a death-glare as the other mare rolled out of the fort, toppling a wall in the process. “Wait, what? There’s a dedicated help center for this crap?” I asked incredulously. “Definitely not from around Canterlot, are you?” “What gave it away?” I nearly growled. I shook my head. “Sorry, no, I’m not. But she is,” I said, pointing to Cinnamon, who was busy pouting as her book throne disappeared in a cloud of telekinesis. Cinnamon shrugged. “I already said I don’t know hardly anything about this stuff. Sis’ was my magic help center.” Her brow furrowed. “Then again, she was also the source of most of my magical problems too. Especially in our teen years.” She shuddered. The librarian nodded. “With this many unicorns in one place, it's become something of a requirement to have a dedicated place to get professional help with magical problems. Accidental or otherwise.” “Well, thanks. I think we’ll go check that out.” I stood up and quickly tidied up the mess of books on the desk before me. I waved to Cinnamon. “C’mon, Cinnamon. Let’s go,” I said and walked off. When Cinnamon caught up and we were out of earshot of the librarian I added, “Let’s go before you get us perma-banned from every library in the city.” Walking through Canterlot’s Arcane University was a strange experience. Well, it was the same kind of strangeness I’d been dealing with since dropping into Equestria. Eerie familiarity juxtaposed with complete foreignness. It was just turned up to eleven here. It was a university. A school. A place of learning full of nerds and knowledge just like where I lived and spent one-hundred percent of my time back home. Magic or science, ponies or humans, it made no difference. The atmosphere was the same. These were academic hyper-nerds. My people. Students who would shun the company of others in favor of pursuing individual academic goals, or occasionally gather together to participate in the geekiest hobbies that would surely get them shunned by outside observers. I swore there was even a group of ponies sitting around a battlemap rolling dice. And yet… those students were unicorns, and the subject of study was literal fucking magic. The school was an honest-to-god magic school. For wizards. Unicorn wizards with their fucking magic breaking the laws of physics like it was no big deal. Those laws exist for a reason, damnit! And of course, these weren’t my people. Not even remotely. I was about as much of an outsider as you could get. I was a goddamn griffon with my hornless pony companion, so the two of us stuck out like a sore thumb. Though by now I was used to the strange looks I was getting from Canterlot ponies. And apparently we stood out so much that some of the unicorns approached us and gave us directions to the magical help center. We didn’t even have to ask. So that was something of a plus. When I got to the help desk, we found it to be staffed by a pair of extremely bored-looking unicorn stallions who were lounging around. Student workers, by the look of it. One of which was reclined and asleep with a magazine over his face. The other had his head resting in his hoof and looked like he was about to join his companion at any moment. I immediately had flashbacks to the time I was unfortunate enough to need to visit the IT desk at GU. I shook off the unpleasant memory and approached the guy who was still awake and watching me. “What's your problem,” he asked with clear disinterest. “Hey, uh, I’ve got a magic problem and was told to come here?” “Yup.” “I, uh… It—” I started, not sure how to approach this. I looked to CInnamon for help, but she smiled and simply made a “go on” motion with her hoof. “It happened about two days ago—err, no. It was three. On Friday. Friday evening. I’m not really sure what exactly happened because I kinda blacked out during it but one moment I was home and the next I was waking up in some pony’s basement.” The dude just raised an eyebrow. Cinnamon spoke up. “Birdy here isn’t from around here.” “Well that much is clear,” he said flatly, his expression saying he wished he could currently be not here. Cinnamon frowned and continued. “He’s not from Equestria, or Griffonstone, or anywhere on this planet. He got magically dropped here in Equestria and doesn’t know how to get back home.” I winced. The dude’s eyes went wide and he used his magic to smack his napping associate with the magazine laying on their face. The other pony woke with a jolt and looked around in surprise. The guy we’d been talking to said, “Let me make sure I got that right. You’re saying you’re not from this world?” Guess we were doing this again. I sighed and explained, “Nearly seventy-two hours ago I was involved in a freak accident that ended with me getting knocked unconscious. Sometime after, I woke up here in Equestria. I have never before been to Equestria nor even knew it existed.” “So you’re some kind of alien griffon from another world,” the first guy asked. I averted my gaze, looking down at the floor, and mumbled, “...mmnot actually a griffon. Just got turned into one at the same time I arrived here.” “Not a griffon? What are you then?” the recently-awoken guy asked. I sighed and rolled my eyes. “A human.” “Never heard of it,” he said with a shake of his head. “Didn’t imagine you would.” “So what’s a human like?” Rather than try explaining again, I got out my wallet and school photo ID card and showed it to him. He took it in his magic, grinned, and showed it to his companion. “Check it. This is high quality. ‘Griffonstone University, Student’. I didn’t think they had any universities in Griffonstone.” “Not the Griffonstone on this world. It's the one on mine,” I said. “Oh yeah? You got another one there? How about that.” He grinned and floated the ID card back over to me. Cinnamon snatched it out of the air and took a look at it. She scrunched up her face. “That’s what you actually look like?” she quietly asked me. “Mhm...” I said to her and took the card back, putting it back in my wallet. “You got any more stuff from your world?” the first unicorn asked. “Sure. Bunch more IDs, books, computers.” I shook my bags. “Whole bag full of stuff. Wanna see?” “Nah, that won’t be needed.” He floated a folder out from under the counter and flipped through its contents with his magic. “Alright, Garrett. You say you need help getting back home to your planet?” “Ayuh…” I said flatly. “Well, there’s a guy here you should talk to…” “Cosmic String?” I offered. He stopped flipping through the folder and looked up. “You’ve talked to him before?” “No. We went to a library earlier. His name was mentioned,” I explained. “Ah. With good reason. Expert on theoretical interplanetary magical travel. He is definitely the pony you should talk to.” He pulled a sheet out of the folder, wrote on it, and floated it over to me. It was a map of the campus with an ‘X’ and room number next to one of the buildings. “Good luck with your journey, traveler.” “Thanks…” I tucked the map into my pocket and walked off. Cinnamon trotted up alongside me. “See? Now was that so hard?” “I’m keeping my expectations low so as to not be disappointed if it leads nowhere. Research tends to do that.” Finding the office was easy enough, especially with the map and multitude of students to point us in the right direction along the way. When we were standing outside the door, I said to Cinnamon, “Will you let me do the talking this time? No offense, but these guys tend to respond better when you’re just as much of a nerd as they are.” “Alright. I’ll just be there to slap you if your brain breaks.” “Thank you.” I took a moment to compose myself and get my thoughts in order. Though I didn’t really get the time to do so because Cinnamon was already going up to knock. “Wait don’t—” I said right as her hoof struck the door. “Don’t what?” she asked. A muffled voice came from inside the office. “Come in!” “...Knock just yet,” I mumbled as I trudged forward and pushed through the door. An old unicorn stallion was sitting behind a desk, busy scribbling away at some arcane-looking glyphs on a scroll of paper. “Professor Cosmic String?” I asked him. “That’s me,” he said without looking up from the scroll. “We uh, we’re wondering if you could help us with a bit of a problem,” I said. “Just a moment, please. I’ll be right with you.” He spent another minute or so writing before he set his pen down and looked up at us. He glanced between Cinnamon and I and his eyes narrowed behind his spectacles. “…You don't look like the usual students of magic.” It took a significant portion of my self-control to not roll my eyes and say “Ya think?” Instead, I said put on my most professional face and said, “No. We’re not. Is that an issue?” He shook his head. “Shouldn’t be. It’s simply that the vast majority of ponies who visit my office are students who come for assistance with their homework assignments. Hardly anypony else has need of my particular expertise outside of purely academic needs. It’s not often that my work can help the common pony! And now I get two, and one a griffon to boot!” He grinned widely. “So, what can I help you with? Something interesting I hope?” “We’re here because we—well, I—have a bit of a magical predicament that we suspect you can assist with. Something involving extremely long-distance teleportation and such? At least we suspect it does,” I explained. “We heard from a librarian that you’d be best to talk to about it,” Cinnamon added. “Ha! Well, I dare say teleportation and such is something of my specialty.” He motioned to the wall behind him covered with certificates, diplomas and the like. “But you already knew that. Ha! Come, come, do sit down.” I set my bags down on the floor and sat down in the chair in front of the desk. Cinnamon dragged another seat over and sat next to me. The professor magically adjusted his glasses. “Now then, am I correct in inferring that this predicament of yours is a practical problem and not purely theoretical in nature?” “That is correct. Practical, and afflicting me personally,” I said, slipping into my ‘academic discourse’ voice. Professor Cosmic String clapped his forehooves together. “Splendid! Do tell me all about it and we shall see how I can assist.” “—and don’t come back!” Cosmic String shouted before slamming the door shut. The professor’s demeanor had done a rather sudden one-eighty during my explanation. Now I sat, dazed, on the ground outside his office after being swiftly and bodily evicted from it via telekinesis. After I regathered my bearings I got up and rapped loudly on the door. “Professor, please! I know it sounds like I’m fucking with you but I’m not! I really need your help!” There was a POP and a flash and a freshly-written note poofed into existence hanging on the wall next to the door. It read: No solicitations from anypony not currently or previously enrolled at an accredited magic university. I slumped against the wall. Cinnamon plopped down next to me. I turned to her and said, “I thought you said crazy magic bullshit wasn’t unusual around here.” “It is. Although I’ll admit I’ve never heard of anypony coming to Equestria from another world. But I would have thought that somepony who works in a totally theoretical field of magic would have a bit more of an open mind!” she said, raising her voice so as to be heard inside the office. There was no response. She huffed. “And that’s still no reason to be rude and kick us out like that.” Truth be told, if I was in Cosmic String’s place, I’d’ve probably kicked us out far sooner. And that would be before even accounting for the fact that apparently he got semi-regular visits from hippies, nutcases, and pranking students. I had a pretty good idea of who two of those students might have been. “I guess it also doesn’t help that I look the part,” I said with a forced laugh. Cinnamon nodded. “Yeah, you kinda do. Most ponies would be more than a little bit skeptical when somepony looking the way you do comes at them saying the things you’ve been saying.” “And yet… when I did exactly that to you… you believed me. Or at least didn’t laugh in my face.” “I guess you just have a trustworthy face?” she said with a shrug. “He certainly didn’t think so,” I said with a snort. “…Thanks for that, by the way.” “For what?” “For listening to me and not leaving my ass on the side of the road.” “Aww. You’re welcome, Birdy.” She smiled and leaned against my wing. I didn’t push her off or pull away. I didn’t do much of anything for a few minutes. I just sat there on the floor and tried to avoid thinking about the current situation. Unfortunately, I was pretty bad at not thinking. “Well, fuck,” I said. “Dude was the ‘leading expert’ or whatever and he’s not going to talk to me anymore. Now what?” Cinnamon looked up while leaning on my side. “We could ask around some more. He might be the leading expert, but he’s not the only expert. You had your beak in a lot of books written by lots of smart ponies, we could find their authors. Betchya some are even here at this school.” “We could… but I’m not really in the mood anymore,” I mumbled. I didn’t really feel like getting laughed out of any more offices today. “Well I have something for that too.” Cinnamon hopped up onto her hooves and grinned. “There's this place not too far from here that I used to visit a lot. We can get a drink and think. How does that sound?” “I’d rather not. I’ve told you I don’t drink, yeah?” “Well then I'll drink and you can think. Or you can just eat. The food is also pretty great. They make the best grilled cheese in Canterlot. Come on. I’m buying.” She grabbed the front of my jacket in her teeth and yanked, to little effect. I shook my head and chuckled as I let myself be pulled up and along after her.