//------------------------------//
// Meanwhile, in a Seemingly Unimportant Valley... 
// Story: Undead Robot Bug Crusaders: Unusual Lives 
// by Banjo64 
//------------------------------//

Somewhere northeast of Canterlot was a small valley. This valley was rather unassuming, as it was out of the way and rarely had any visitors. Heck, the only thing that set it apart from any other valley was a spiral rock formation in the middle of the lake.

Indeed, they only ones who ever came to this place were the two ponies who called it home, and the Equestrian Postal Service. Which suited the two residents just fine.

“Good morning, Bear Bone!” said the mailpony as he landed next to the mailbox.

“Good morning,” replied Bear Bone with a smile.

Bear Bone was a large, brown, bear of an earth pony stallion. He towered over most ponies, and his bear tooth cutie mark made him quite intimidating. But anypony who meet him would quickly learn that he was a gentle giant.

The fact that several chunks of his body were missing was promptly ignored.

“Lots of mail today,” said the mailpony as he passed over a stack of letters.

“I see. Thanks again for coming all the way out here for us,” said Bear Bone.

“You say that every day, big guy. I keep telling you that this place is on the way to Applewood. It’s no trouble at all,” replied the mailpony.

“Nothing wrong with being polite and saying thank you,” replied Bear Bone with a chuckle.

“And your thanks is always appreciated. Anyway, catch you later,” said the mailpony as he flew off.

“See you around!” called Bear Bone.

He turned his attention to the mail.

“Let’s see… coupons… ad… bill… bill… oh, Kazi’s Firebug Monthly. She’ll be glad to see that… ad… ad… and a letter from Canterlot. Hm, that’s interesting,” he mumbled.





“Mail’s here, Kazi,” called Bear Bone as he stepped inside his house.

“Great. Is my issue here yet?” asked Kamikazi as she joined him.

Kamikazi was a small red pegasus with a yellow mane. Her explosion cutie mark suggested she was some sort of party pony, but it only took a look at her face to know what sort of mare she was: the kind that considered sarcasm and snark to be the only acceptable way to communicate. She was rude, loud, and a talented chemist with a knack for bombs.

And like her friend, she also had several chunks of flesh missing.

“Yes, actually. And a letter from Canterlot,” answered Bear Bone.

“Sweet, and meh. Probably just some museum begging us to share our loot again. As if we don’t already let them show off our stuff,” said Kamikazi as she snatched the magazine and flipped it open.

Bear Bone rolled his eyes, and turned his attention to the letter. He opened it, and began reading.

“Dear Sir Bear Bone and Miss Egg Yolk...” he read out loud.

Kamikazi let out a curse.

“Darn it! I thought I told them to change my legal name years ago,” commented Kamikazi.

Bear Bone ignored his friend and kept focused on the letter.

“This is a friendly reminded that it is nearing the time for your annual appointment with the Royal Dark Arts Department…” read Bear Bone.

“Ugh… those bozos again. I swear, they’re just looking for excuses to stare at my plot,” said Kamikazi.

“And that we have no interest in staring at miss Egg Yolk’s body…” read Bear Bone.

Kamikazi blinked in surprise, but then smirked.

“Well what do you know. I’ve got a reputation now,” said Kamikazi.

“You’ve had one for years, Kazi. We both know you framed that award for “most problematic rule follower” the department gave you,” pointed out Bear Bone.

“Yep. Been holding the title for thirty years and counting,” said Kamikazi.

Bear Bone turned back to the letter.

“As such, please make plans to arrive in Canterlot by the fifteenth of the following month. Be sure to bring appropriate parole requirements and other necessary paperwork. Make no attempt to hide signs of corruption before arriving, and please ensure miss Egg Yolk leaves her accessories at home this time,” finished Bear Bone.

Kamikazi sighed.

“Yeah, like it’s my fault those creeps decided to play with my bombs. And it wasn’t like anypony got hurt,” said Kamikazi.

“Most would consider getting frozen solid to an unpleasant experience, Kazi,” deadpanned Bear Bone.

“Visiting the dentist is an unpleasant experience, but no one says it’s OK to skip an appointment,” countered Kamikazi.

Bear Bone sighed and turned back to the letter.

“Thank you in advance for your cooperation on this matter, signed… a whole bunch of fancy signatures I can barely read. Well, I suppose a trip to Canterlot is next on the list then,” said Bear Bone.

“Eh, we’ve got a few weeks. I’d say we wait till the last minute to give those paperweights some excitement, but I know you’d never go for that. Anything else in the mail?” asked Kamikazi.

“Nothing but bills, ads, and coupons. All of which were addressed to us,” said Bear Bone.

“Good. That makes four days without another dang wrong address,” said Kamikazi.

Bear Bone nodded in agreement. For some reason, they’d been getting a lot of mail lately that wasn’t theirs. It was all supposed to go to some place called Spiral Mountain.

The most recent of such letters was sealed with red wax, bearing a symbol that almost looked like a cross centered on the bottom left corner…