//------------------------------// // Chapter 5: Twilight Sparkle Takes Friendship a Little too Seriously // Story: Raridash Investigates // by Mica //------------------------------// Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie made their way to Twilight’s castle that morning, Pinkie bounced her way all the way to the castle; she was always so full of energy. Even after they raised her medication to 25mg a day. Rarity was exhausted form sleeping literally on dirt the night before, and was trudging a good 100 yards behind them. Perhaps Pinkie is trying to mislead us with this comment about the magazines, Rarity pondered as she trailed behind Rainbow and Pinkie. She’s by no means the element of honesty. “I’m being honest, Rarity!” Pinkie Pie shouted to the back. “I promise!” Rarity was caught by surprise. “What? Goodness was I inadvertently talking out loud again?” But even then, Pinkie wouldn’t be able to hear her 100 meters away. “No, don’t worry!” Pinkie shouted back. “You didn’t say a word!” “Oh, I see—” Rarity paused. “Wait! Then how did you know—” “Pinkie Sense, Rarity! Never underestimate it!” The 3 ponies (eventually) arrived. Once they were all together, they knocked the door. For a few minutes there was no response. “I’m not sure if Twilight’s in,” Pinkie said. “I keep knocking her up, but she doesn’t respond.” “Reminds me of my ex-coltfriend,” Rarity muttered to herself. “Argh, why are we wasting time?” Rainbow Dash began moving back, preparing to charge and force the door open. “WAIT~!” At that moment the door opened. Luckily Rainbow stopped in time and prevented somepony from becoming a pony pancake. It wasn’t Twilight who answered the door. Rather, it was Starlight Glimmer. “Hey Rainbow Dash! Hey Rarity! Hey Pinkie! What brings you here?” “We were looking for Twilight,” Rarity said. “Oh, she’s off to run some errands,” Starlight said. “She’ll be back in a couple of minutes.” The light purple unicorn let them inside. “There was no need to knock, you know. I thought Twilight gave you a key?” Starlight said. “Oh…I guess I do, let me check…” Rainbow Dash rummaged into her saddlebag. “It’s gone.” “I thought you always carry the key with you,” Rarity said. “Well, erm…I left it at Fluttershy’s house last night. I must have accidentally dropped it in the commotion.” “Oh. Well…quite understandable,” Rarity admitted. “Oh yeah, you two were there last night. Were you two there for Fluttershy’s book club as well?” Starlight asked. “It’s…a long story,” Rainbow Dash chuckled nervously, before turning to glare at Rarity. “It most certainly is not! It’s quite simple, as a matter of fact. Why, we were investigating a case,” Rarity said proudly. “A case?” Starlight’s eyes lit up. “Oh Celestia I LOVE a good mystery!” “You do!?” Rarity said. “Do you read Shadow Spade as well?” “No, but I love mystery! I love watching ponies solve them! Back in my village, I used to commit little crimes, and watch my little minions solve them. Oh, it was so adorable. I murdered the local baker, and there they were, prancing around, wiping the blood off their hooves…” and she went on, staring miles away into the distance. She nodded her head briefly, and when she came back up her mane had rearranged itself with bangs on the front. “Starlight? Starlight…? Starlight, starbright…?” It took a few minutes of hoof-waving and name-calling to make her snap out of her maniacal laughter. Even after many years, her evil past occasionally came back to haunt her. “Oh, sorry!” Starlight chuckled nervously, biting her lip. “Just another one my relapses! Heehee!” She would be capable of anything in her relapse, Rarity thought to herself. Robbery, deception, anything would be fair game. “Like murder?” Pinkie replied with her Pinkie Sense. “Not now Pinkie!” Rarity yelled back. Starlight would be violent, perhaps. But a letter that is not even threatening, rather seductive—it’s unlikely that such a letter would be composed in a moment of insanity, such as those experienced by Starlight. “Erm…any way I can help…?” Starlight asked awkwardly in the silence. She needed her daily friendship fix, otherwise she’d relapse into her evil state. She hadn’t seen Twilight for days. The princess had either locked herself up in her castle, or left on so-called “errands” for much of the day. It was a mystery to everypony. Rarity explained the sitation to Starlight, and then showed her the love letters. The purple unicorn examined the notes carefully. “Well, I didn’t write this…but this looks like Spike’s handwriting.” “Spike!? But it’s signed as a pony,” Rainbow Dash said. “Well, it’s quite obvious that Spike just wrote those letters, impersonating as a pony.” Starlight Glimmer asked Spike to come over. She said, “Hey Spike, Rarity’s here!” And he came flying out as fast as he could. I see it all now, Rarity thought. The clues coalesce…a picture forms… “Spike, you wrote the letter didn’t you!? And you signed off as a pony because you were too embarrassed to reveal your true identity. Am I right!?” Spike knew he couldn’t say no to Rarity. He just couldn’t. The only time he kind of said no to Rarity was when Twilight was clearing out his room, and almost threw away his Rarity doll into the trash, until Spike dashed in and screamed “NOOO!!!” Spike stared at Rarity, blushing profusely. “Well…I guess I…” “I knew it! It was you, Spike! You are the culprit! The one and only!” The solved mystery was getting to Rarity. She was very animated, moving her hoofs all over the place, almost slapping Twilight across the face. Success! Detective Rarity solves another mystery! Success! The sweet smell of my analytical powers and deductive reasoning…and my brand new crushed velvet jacket. Rarity and Spike were sitting next to each other. Rarity was quietly scolding the young dragon. “You’ve been a very naughty dragon, Spike.” Spike just looked up into her eyes, the little hearts fluttering away from his chest. Cute perhaps, even romantic…he was drooling. He was drooling! “Argh! Stop it! Are you even listening, Spike?” “O-of course, Rarity! Of course I am!” He was listening to every word. After a while, the scolding turned into hugs and apologies. “It’s okay, my little Spikey-wikey.” Rarity was leaning in to kiss Spike’s cheek. She was so close, Spike could feel the warmth of her breath, this was going to be good kiss, Spike thought, a lovely luscious, kiss from the greatest pony of all t… “WAIT!!!” Rainbow Dash yelled suddenly, at the top of her lungs. Of course you’d spoil my kiss, Ms. 10 Seconds Flat, Spike thought, frowning at the blue pegasus. Some ponies like to take it slow, okay!? “…Rainbow Dash!?” Rarity didn’t expect it. Rainbow Dash had been relatively quiet the whole morning. Little did she know that she too had been pondering the case. Rainbow Dash landed on the ground and began sashaying across the castle hall, imitating Rarity’s posture. “Perhaps…Spike is guilty,” Rainbow Dash began. “But noneoftheless…” “You mean nonetheless,” Starlight corrected. “But he is not the only one guilty of this crime. In fact, most of the crime is a result of ignorance…and unfortunate misunderstandings.” “Misunderstanding?” “Yes. I find some flaws in your evidence, Rarity. First of all, if Spike had written the letter to you, why would he at pretend to be a lesbian mare, of all creatures? Secondly, if Spike had written the letters, why would he write two? And address them to two different ponies?” “But it’s in his writing, is it not?” Rarity said. “And which pony in Equestria asks somecreature else to write stuff for her?” At that moment, the front door opened. “Hey, everypony. I’m back. What can I do for you?” Twilight said. She was levitating a bag full of books with her magic. Well, not books, but thinner. “In fact, it’s quite clear to me now,” Rainbow Dash said, observing the bag of magazines Twilight had. “The main culprit here is…Twilight Sparkle!” All eyes glared on the princess. She was caught by surprise. “For what!? What’s going on here!?” “Twilight!?” Pinkie Pie’s jaw dropped. “Twilght’s a lesbian!? Why…why didn’t you tell me!?” Twilight was blushing, but still looked utterly confused. “Well, actually—” “I could’ve thrown you the most funnest, awesomest coming out party EVER! I already threw one for Scootaloo’s aunt and it was AWESOME!” “Twilight’s not gay, Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash clarified. “What!?” “If you’d let me finish.” Rainbow Dash continued her sashaying. “Now, the idea of a magazine came to me when I heard about the hot steamy stories section in Playcolt from Pinkie. This morning, while you were trailing behind, Rarity, I asked Pinkie if she would lend me a copy of Playcolt magazine. I read a bit while we were walking. And in the fiction section, there’s one author prominently featured. The style of her stories are quite unusual—they’re epistolary stories.” “A-piss-of-what?” Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Epistolary, meaning a story written in the form of letters,” Dash explained. “Anyway, this author goes by the name…Afterglow Sparkle.’ Sound familiar? “But perhaps the clearest evidence at all, is…” Rainbow Dash grabbed the bag of magazines Twilight had on her. “See!? 2 copies of Playcolt magazine! And see, the date on the top right of the magazine? It’s 3 weeks in advance of the publication date!” “I…I don’t quite follow,” Spike said, frowning. “Pinkie told me that only contributors of Playcolt get 3 week advance copies. So the only way Twilight could have a 3-week advance copy is if she herself writes for Playcolt magazine. And she is. ‘Afterglow Sparkle’ is really Twilight Sparkle. And she has been publishing steamy stories in Playcolt under a pseudonym.” “You mean…” “That’s right, Rarity. The letters aren’t really letters at all, but part of a…” “…hot steamy lesbian sex story!” Pinkie finished the sentence. “I’m sorry, everypony,” Twilight said, by now furiously blushing. “I’ve been so busy writing erotica…I failed to attend to my pricness duties. I also shut out my closest friends as result,” she said, turning to Starlight. “It’s just I’ve been at a loose end for a long time…and it’s kind of gotten to me. I am a grown mare, and…sometimes I have to succumb to my sexual needs. With nopony else to satiate myself, I took to dressing seductively and writing steamy stories to…pleasure myself. I published my stories anonymously, and well, the publisher liked my stories so much, he wanted them featured on Playcolt. And before I knew it, I was writing for them almost every week. “What you thought was a ‘love letter,’ Rainbow Dash, was actually an excerpt of a story I’m working on. I sent it to you by mail so you could look over it. I was hoping to get some feedback from you.” “Well, that explains everything,” Pinkie said. “Not quite. Rainbow Dash, you told us that both Twilight and Spike are guilty,” Rarity added. “You haven’t accounted for the latter party.” “Well…” Rarity cut her off. “I think I can pick up where you left off, Rainbow Dash. Well, first of all, it’s important to know that until now, Spike didn’t know about Twilight’s magazine writing. Am I right, Spikey-wikey?” “Well, I kind of did.” “Yes. Well, it’s quite common knowledge that Spike serves as Twilight’s scribe frequently. And it’s his responsibility to copy to her dictation. So, it’s in Spike’s handwriting because Twilight asked Spike to copy down the manuscript for her.” “That’s quite right,” Twilight Sparkle said. “I was quite busy that day, so I asked Spike to copy to my dictation while I worked on some magic potions I was preparing for Star Swirl. I can multitask that way.” “But Spike…he could not resist, could you, Spikey-wikey?” Rarity said, tempting Spike as she leaned closer to the young dragon. “What are you talking about?” Rainbow Dash said. “Spike isn’t a machine,” Rarity continued. “When Spike had to copy Twilight’s so-called love-letter, his interest was obviously piqued. ‘What a sweet love letter to send to by dear crush Rarity!’ he must have thought. So while Twilight was preoccupied with her potions, Spike copied the letter, word for word, intending it as a love letter, only changing the signature at the bottom from ‘Your lesbian best friend’ to ‘Your best friend.’ Am I right…?” “You…you hit the nail on the head, Rarity,” he said, furiously blushing. “But wait a sec,” Rainbow Dash said. “You, Rarity, got the letter signed ‘your lesbian best friend.’ That’s the story excerpt, not a real love letter. But I got the letter signed ‘your best friend,’ which is the actual love letter.” “Spikey-wikey, how could you!?” Rarity cried. Not that she cared about Spike in that way—but that Spike would pick Rainbow Dash over her! “No, Rarity I swear!” Okay, that was the first time Spike said no to Rarity. For realsies. “I must have accidentally placed the notes in the wrong envelopes. So you got the fake love letter, signed ‘your lesbian best friend,’ and Rainbow Dash got the real love letter, signed ‘your best friend.’” “One more thing that doesn’t add up,” Twilight added. “I also had a letter explaining to Rainbow Dash that I was sending you a story excerpt, not an actual love letter. You mean you didn’t get that letter?” “Nope.” “Well, perhaps it wasn’t sent.” “Let’s see.” Rainbow Dash flew into Twilight’s study room, shuffling through the messy pile of papers. “Here it is! The unsent note!” She read it out loud to everypony (and Spike). Dear Rainbow Dash, I have been working on a romance story over the past few weeks. I was wondering if you could help look over some it and give me your feedback? In a few days you will receive an excerpt of my story through the mail. I look forward to your constructive feedback. Thanks again! Yours truly, Twilight Sparkle And so, the mystery was solved. The ponies and Spike stood in silence for a moment. So as it turned out, there was no crime at all—just a horrible series of misunderstandings. What sordid things that go on in Ponyville. Well as a matter of fact, you could hardly call anonymous love letters a crime. “So…” Pinkie began. “Twilight isn’t gay?” “Nope.” “Rainbow Dash isn’t gay?” Pinkie added. “Nope.” “Rarity isn’t gay?” “Of course not,” the unicorn responded. “Okey-dokey lokey…” Pinkie said, squinting her eyes. At that moment, Derpy the mailmare arrived at the castle doorstep with a letter. It was addressed to Twilight Sparkle. The princess opened it, and Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Spike, and Pinkie all read the contents of the note. 3 ponies and 1 dragon blushed. “It…it’s another love letter! A real one! This isn’t one of my stories, I swear!” “But…who could have written it?” One pony was seen bouncing away at full speed out of the castle and into the distance.