W-well, that’s three down and one to go. Holy shit, what just fucking happened? It went from the usual amount of Celestia’s smug to her getting a tad pissy to Luna getting pissy and then you… Ugh, you were so damn sticky. How did this happen? When did the sisters become so argumentative? Whatever, fuck this shit, Cadance was sensible, this should be a walk in the park.
Near instantly, you appear in the audience chamber of the Crystal Castle. You look forward to see Cadance and Shining on their thrones, with little Flurry Heart in the legs of her mother. What was odd though was that Cadance looked quite horrified as Shining jumped forward, springing into action, and quickly announcing “Guards! Spears at the ready!”
OH GOD WHAT?! The next thing you knew, you had spears at your throat, ready to be plunged by Shining’s next command. Holy shit! What happened?! You were only here for two whole seconds and suddenly you were public enemy number one! “HOLY CRAP! WAIT! GEEZ! WHEN DID I BECOME THE BAD GUY?!”
“Wait… I know that voice.” Cadance murmurs to herself, then looks upon you from her throne as Flurry hides her face into her chest. “Anon?”
“YES! GEEZ! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?! I DON’T WANT TO BE SWISS CHEESE!” Oh man those pointy points are close to your necky neck.
“Guards! Stand down! It’s the hero colt, Anon.” Cadance commands, the guards immediately but reluctantly backing off as everyone in the room gives you a very confused look.
“Thank you, geez! What, I don’t show up in awhile and everypony jumps my case for it?! What was with that, Shining?!” You just look at him, rather pissed off he’d do such a thing upon your entrance.
“Dude, one, you just popped out of nowhere. And two, you totally look like a pink blob thing. I don’t know why you’d think that it’d be appropriate to show up looking like that, but my family and my kingdom comes first, and I didn’t even know what you were… So yeah, why do you look like that? And why do you smell like watermelon?” He asked, utterly confused about why you showed up, especially looking like that.
“Oh… Yeah, erm, hold on… Uhm, how would Discord do it?” Using the horn, you create a zipper on top of the goopy watermelon juice and syrup and pull down on it with your hoof, peeling away everything as you toss the goop aside like a costume. Although, it turns into mush upon hitting the ground. “I ended up in a royal food fight thing… I dunno, the princesses just went nuts.”
“Ah man, and we just got the floor nice and shiny too.” Shining sighed, annoyed and saddened by the fact the floor of the audience hall was now going to be very difficult to get cleaned up properly.
“Yes, that was a rather rude thing to do… And what’s this about a royal food fight? Anon, couldn’t you have just…” Cadance signs to herself, and steps off her throne as she uses her magic to place Flurry Heart on her back. She approaches you, calms herself, and asks. “You know, with all that magic you’re using, you could have at least cleaned yourself up before you got here. Before we even get into this, do you mind getting rid of your mess?”
Well geez, you expected her to be more cheery. What was her problem? It was an accident, you had just escaped from a goddamn war zone. “Alright, alright, sheesh. I can do that.” You look at your mess and aim at it with your horn. In an instant, the pile of syrupy fruity goop is launched through a window as the floor it launched from shined with cleanliness once more. “There we go!”
Cadance just looks at the window the goop flew out from, she could already hear a hapless pony screaming in terror as he yelled about how he was being attacked by some sort of fruit flavored honey bee. “Yup… There we go.” She put a hoof to her forehead and shook her head, displeased by it all, but worried you might do something worse if she calls you on anything else. “So, I myself don’t want to sound rude, but what are you doing here unannounced, in a threatening manner, that nearly caused Flash there to… Ahrm.”
Flash Sentry, being one of the guards who pointed a spear at you, was shaking to and fro frantically as he raised a hoof to get Cadance’s attention. “Princess Cadance, can I rush to the little stallion’s room? I gotta go reallllly bad!” He asked, being given permission with an immediate nod, prompting him to zip away as fast as possible to wherever the bathroom was.
“Hey, like I said, I got stuck in a royal food fight. Celestia even used me as a projectile! So excuse me for using my horn to bolt as soon as possible. Besides, I thought I was welcome here whenever.” Like fuck, Cadance, why did she seem to be in such a nasty mood?
“And you are, but you just teleported in here looking like some sort of primordial beast, you even scared our daughter. Out of all the places you could have teleported, was it really that important to teleport directly into our castle?” Cadance asked you, expecting a good answer as she wondered why the princesses were fighting.
“And what do you mean by royal food fight anyway? Are you saying Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are in some sort of battle?” Shining added, he too wondering what was going on as he tried to make sense of it.
“Actually, yes, it was kind of important that I had to teleport in here as I have to speak to the both of you about something really major, something I already have the backing of the three other princesses. As for the food fight, well, you got me. They both got into a fight because they didn’t agree with each other’s evaluation and judgment skills or whatever. Heck, that all really started because Luna was harassing me in my dreams.” You explain, hopefully that being good enough to calm the rather perturbed alicorn.
“...Oh, I actually had heard of Princess Luna having some sort of problem in a letter from Princess Celestia, but I didn’t know it was because of you. Didn’t realize it’d cause a fight like that either, wow, it must have been really serious then. So, what was bothering her? It wasn’t anything really too bad, was it?” Cadance’s expression turned from annoyed to that of a soft hearted mother who was lecturing her child. “Because, Anon, I know you enough that whatever was in your dreams can be extraordinary and weird.”
Oh come on, geez, was she really gonna do this? “Look, she got upset because my dreams had two… Yeah, I’m just going to say it, it had two mares, or various mares, ‘pleasing’ each other. And don’t even look at me or judge me, ok?! My dreams, mine! I can be degenerate as I want to be and I don’t wanna hear anything from you because I also saved your butt from the Storm King, got it?!” You said as you hopped forward, pointing a hoof at her.
“...Two mares? Huh…” Cadance seemed to actually give it some thought, looking up as she tapped at her chin. “Why does that bother her? I admit, you’re probably right about your thoughts being degenerate, but it’s not like two mares loving each other and being a couple doesn’t exist. It’s rare, but it’s totally a thing.”
Wut?... “Excuse me? You mean, an actual thing in Equestria?”
“...Wait, are you really saying this all happened because Princess Luna didn’t know that, and you didn't either? I mean, I knew that. Wow, so the princesses just started fighting because of that. Ok, I can see why you wanted to get out of there as fast as possible, that’s just dumb.” Shining added, seemingly bewildered that the princesses would fight over something like that.
But you? You didn’t even fucking… What?! “Wait, so how do you both know about it if Luna and Celestia didn’t?”
“Well, for me, that’s easy, I’m the Princess of Love. And love has no barriers, Anon. I’m not surprised Princess Luna doesn’t know about it. I’m also sure Princess Celestia does but doesn’t think it’s worth mentioning. Anon, let me give you a quick lesson on love and how it-” OH GOD NO, YOU DID NOT NEED TO HEAR THIS FROM CADANCE.
“Nope! Nope! Don’t wanna hear it. I really, REALLY, do not want to even think about how SJW this can get.” No, please god no, don’t let it be true. Was it Lyra and Bonbon? Fuck, it was wasn’t it? God… no, yes, no! It’s hot, but… They don’t seem to be shoving it in everyone’s faces. Then again, if they were pushing it into others' faces, you’d have known by now. Even then, you didn’t need to hear the whole shtick from lovebutt.
“I certainly don’t know what 'SJW' means, but if you feel that strongly about it, despite the fact you seem to dream about it, then fine.” Cadance rolled her eyes as she heard those words, she really didn’t understand what ‘SJW’ meant and why you suddenly seemed so dodgy when you mentioned you loved the thought of it. She would press you on why that is, but she also remembered you mentioned that you came by because of something important. “So then, why are you here? What is it that the other princesses agreed on? Because I haven’t been told anything.”
“Well…” Here we go, final favor to win. “I came to ask you if you’d have my back when it comes to trying to reform Queen Chrysalis again. I already have the ok from the other princesses, you’re the only one left. If you need me to explain anything, I am totally willing.”
Shining and Cadance did not seemed pleased at all about this. Hell, they looked more against it than Twilight did.
Shining merely raised an eyebrow, not believing you at all as he said. “Dude, do you really expect me to believe Twily agreed to that?”
Oh boy, she did more than that. “Dude, she promised me she would. She gave me her blessing before Luna and Celestia did.” Fuck, you could already tell this might be a little difficult though.
Shining narrowed his eyes at you, believing you were somehow bluffing. “You know I can just go and ask her.”
You then narrow your eyes at him. “I can open a portal directly to her if you want.”
“Ok you two, that’s enough, you don’t need to be aggressive with each other.” Cadance said as soon as she noticed you and Shining getting a little hostile with each other. Even further, she noticed you getting rather arrogant about it, which tipped her off that you were somehow telling the truth. “But I think Anon is telling the truth. He knows I could just go and ask if I needed to. But then, how did you do it? Anon, let me tell you right now, Shining and I have given it a lot of thought already. Queen Chrysalis abandoned her children and chose to remain evil even when enough physical proof existed that such a thing is a bad idea for a changeling. I would think you’d have realized that she had chosen her path, which means you’d have to protect your friends, family, and fellow ponies from her.” Cadance stops for a moment after she says that, as if she was pondering on something.
“She’s right, Anon. She made her choice, and you gotta pony up and make yours. She’s all sorts of bad news, trust me, I know first hoof. Nopony who knows the truth has anything against you for trying, it still led to a lot of good, but now you’re just being naive. C’mon, Anon, don’t do this to yourself.” Shining pleaded with you, not wanting to see you take some sort of wrong or misguided path.
“But she isn’t right!” You stomp your hoof down. Goddammit, it was two against one, wasn’t it? Still, you wouldn’t back down now! You were so close! “And when has she been a danger to anypony? As in, after the whole changeling reform thing. She has no followers, no way to execute any plans, no base of operations, nothing! Even further, I spoke to her recently! She’s lonely, ok? I can tell that she is. She’s even worried about what other ponies she has met think of her now! You hear me?! She actually cares what my marefriend thinks of her! If that sounds close to the Queen Chrysalis who nearly took over Canterlot, you tell me right now and we can forget the whole thing!”
Shining looked pretty surprised, not only by your words, but the fact that you had met up with Chrysalis with seemingly no fanfare or mention that you had at all. “You met with her again? Is that what you said? Anon, are you serious? That doesn’t sound like her at all, and we all know the only reason she’d act like that is to get your horn, and you know it!”
Cadance seemed a little more mindful about your words, and even listening to her husband, she did notice that you did, in fact, have your horn. “But he still has it, Shining.” She then looks to you, looking at you with a sterner expression. “Anon, you already have the go ahead from the other princesses, right?”
You nod “Yeah. Like I said, I even got Twilight’s.”
“Ok.” Cadance sighs as she closes her eyes, and thinks on it a little more. “Hard to say 'no' when everypony else has already said yes. Hmmm…” She then looks to you, wanting more information from your meeting with Chrysalis. “Anon, can you explain your entire encounter with Chrysalis for us? I think it’s important for us to know everything before we make our decision.”
“I’ve already made my decision. Cadance, c’mon, you know she’s just trying to pull a fast one!” Shining pleaded to her, trying to get her to realize that being ok with this is probably not the best idea.
“Maybe, but Shining, you know it’s hard to dispute when even Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are ok with it. And you know Twilight, she probably thought of a million different scenarios on how this all can go sour, and yet she still agreed to it. This also isn’t the same Anon we knew when we first met him. And don’t you think he’s proven his worth by defeating the Storm King? He’s probably good enough to join our royal guard by now if he really wanted to, you have to admit that.”
“Actually, I also recently beat Sombra too.” You point out.
“See? He even beat Som-WHAT?!” Cadance nearly double takes, looking back at you with wide eyes, in total disbelief, and even nearly knocks Flurry off her back. “YOU DID WHAT NOW?!”
“No way! Sombra got trashed a while ago, there’s no way you could have faced him!” Shining too, was in disbelief of your words.
“Is it really so hard to believe that my adopted son, who is nearly as great as I am, defeated Sombra?” That voice… Discord? Holy fuck! Discord?! Hmmm… You didn’t know how to feel about this, but you weren’t going to just jump to the conclusion that him suddenly being here would jeopardize your argument. No, you had to try to put your faith in him immediately, simply because you know how capable he is of being an asset when he stays on point. “How could you even forget that I can just bring back Sombra whenever I want? I do possess that power, you know?” Suddenly, the entire audience hall began to change into some kind of trial chamber. The guards were placed in audience seats as Cadance, Shining, and even Flurry appeared on a set of judges’ seats, all of them given a judge gown and poofy powdered wigs. You were given a black suit with a red tie as you suddenly found yourself at a defendant’s desk, with Discord, garbed in a blue suit, red tie, and small reading glasses, appeared next to you, placing down a suitcase as he took a seat. “Your honors, I present to you exhibit A.” Discord opens his briefcase and shoves it forward, revealing blue bacon, a piece of Sombra’s horn, and some chunks of metal. “Sombra’s remains… And my breakfast.”
“Discord! Stop messing around! How could that even be Sombra? Aside from the horn, it doesn’t look like him at all! We’re trying to have a serious discussion here, so leave!” Shining said, getting further annoyed now that Discord had arrived, not willing to take any of his shit.
“Oh ye of small mind, it is Sombra, it’s just… Hmm… Well, as Anon would put it, he had a second form. Look, your honors, I admit to ACCIDENTLY reviving Sombra for the sake of an O&O campaign. But that isn’t the highlight here, no, the highlight is not only is my son more well learned than ever in the ways of Equestrian ponies and friendliness etiquette, to the point of having Twilight levels of reformation ability, but he is also powerful enough to defeat a fearsome being like Sombra without much effort. Yes, you could say it’s the power of the horn, but not many could handle that kind of power like he can. Knowing all this, can you really deny his request to reform the former queen of the changelings?”
Cadance loses focus for a moment when she notices her daughter playfully hugging onto a little toy gavel. She gives her a gentle pat, then looks over to Discord, putting on a strong stoic expression, maybe a little too strong. It seemed like she was actually getting into this. “A strong argument to be sure, but we still don’t know the details of the meeting between Queen Chrysalis and your client.” Cadance leans forward, looking a little smug as she spins her gavel in the air with her magic. “I’d really like to know what happened before I make a judgment.”
“Cadance, are you seriously considering any of this?” Shining was in disbelief to even hear his wife entertaining the thought of considering anything other than ‘no’.
“I mean, we’re the judges, and Anon isn’t making a request based on just his gut. Look, even Discord is here to defend his cause, he's not even causing any of his usual shenanigans. I think, just maybe, we should forget our grudges and just hear him out, ok?” Cadance looks back at her husband, hoping to get him to calm down so he’d hear you out. “I know what you’re thinking. I know what she did to you, to me, and almost to Equestria. I know we have a lot to protect, including our daughter. But if what we hear is sufficient enough to sway us, then we’ll have to put our biases and prejudices away and help him anyway we can, you understand that, right?”
Shining grumbled to himself for a second, then groaned as he leaned back. “Yeah… I know that. I’m just saying though, even if we support Anon, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t watch our backs.”
Cadance nods. “Very true, I won’t deny that, I know we should still be wary just in case, but we’ll handle that later. Anyway…” Cadance then turns to you “Anon, please, explain to us what happened to bring this all about."
“Wait!” Shining suddenly yells out.
“W-what? What’s wrong, Shining?” Cadance looks back at her husband, confused as to why he stopped things so suddenly.
“I mean…” Shining leans back, twiddling the gavel between his hooves as he suddenly put on a smug expression. “Aren’t we going to have him swear to us first? We are the residing royals and judges.”
“Oh… Ha! That’s right, we do need to do that.” Cadance chuckled “Discord, can you swear in your client?”
“Of course I can.” Discord says with a snap, as he teleports you onto the witness stand. He steps out from behind his desk, steps over to you, and holds a book titled ‘Crystal Empire Law.’ as he brings it near you. “Anon, do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you them?” Discord asks as he points over to Cadance and Shining Armor.
Well, this is fun. Looks like with Discord’s help, you were going to get through this no problem. You put your hoof on the book, and nod with a great big smile. “I swear.”
Oh yeah baby, with Discord's help, you were sure to make a clean sweep!