Fellow Truth Seekers! Today's article will undoubtedly be controversial, but we must always be open-minded; after all, at one time, we all believed that Princess Celestia moved the sun and the moon! So with that in mind, I would like to present to you the idea of 'Stone Row.' What is Stone Row, you ask? Well, we've all seen the statues in the Royal Garden, haven't we? The Royal Diarchy would like you to believe that they are just that: statues. In reality, they aren't statues at all! No, they are trophies. Or rather, they're proof of a much darker secret: the Royal Sisters have a clandestine prison underneath Canterlot Castle where they keep ponies who have broken the law, and are awaiting their fate! What fate, you may ask? Any foal familiar with the stories of Discord can tell you the answer: stoning! That's right, dear reader - Princesses Celestia and Luna stone ponies who have committed 'treasonous' acts against the state, and place them on display as a warning to those of us who have had our eyes opened! So the next time you go through the Royal Garden, watch what you say and what you do, because you may end up as a permanent member! How did we come to learn of this terrible secret, you ask? Well, a Royal Guard, who we'll call 'Scope' to keep his identity anonymous, gave us an exclusive interview, which we've transcribed here for you to read. - "The Secret of the Canterlot Royal Gardens," Truth Seekers Monthly, Volume 42, by Tinfoil Hat
Chrysalis awoke with a start in a darkened room. It was the second time that had happened in...how many days had it been since leaving the hive? Two? Three? However many it had been, it had been far too long. She was cold, she was hungry, and she hurt. The Queen felt like she had gone eight rounds with a rabid chimera after chugging half her mother's liquor cabinet. Her cheeks were puffed out, her left eye was still swollen shut, her right forehoof was sore to the point of pain, and she ached all over. Shakily standing up, she surveyed her surroundings. As it turned out, there was little to actually survey: a cot in one corner. A pitcher and wash basin in another. Behind her, an armored door with a closed slit at eye-level, with another on the floor. The room was dimly lit by glowing crystals set into the ceiling above.
Chrysalis, despite her pain and injuries, couldn't help but smile. The tiny quarters she was apparently imprisoned in, oddly enough, reminded her of home. As much the changeling hated it, and would prefer death before voicing it, she had to admit that she missed her mother's hive. Or was it the support it offered? Probably that. After all, she never went hungry, had a roof over her head, and had guards to protect her. But it also meant having to listen to her mother's constant slights. And the reminders of her failures. And the pressure. ALWAYS with the pressure to 'go out there and make something of herself.' Maybe Chrysalis was happy with where she was, did her mother ever think of that? Maybe that stupid Queen of Queens was confusing contentedness with complacency! That must be it. And she WAS happy! Right? Whatever. Well, she would be, as soon as she managed to break free of wherever she was.
Which begged the question: where WAS she? The sound of metal scraping against itself pierced her thought process, and she whipped around. A stallion's eyes widened as he saw the changeling. Slamming the viewing slit shut, the bottom one creaked open. A tray was slid in, with a tin bowl of glowing burgundy goop.
"Love." she whispered to herself. Her eyes darted back and forth between the top slit and the tray, before she dove to the floor. Burying her face in the bowl, she slurped half the contents quickly, only to stop and recoil away. "Blech! This love was given, not taken! This means I'm..." she shuddered, "...I'm drinking some stupid E.K.S.-diseased changeling's love!" She spat on the floor, and scraped her tongue with her hooves. "So! They're trying to poison me, huh?" she muttered to herself. "WELL IT'S NOT GONNA WORK! YOU'LL HAVE TO TRY HARDER THAN THAT, YOU MANIACS!" the Queen shouted at the door. Hearing no response, she glared at it. She glared harder by narrowing her eyes. Strangely, the door still didn't respond to the visual torment. She stomped over and sat down on the cot with a harrumph, never once taking her death stare off the metal rectangle.
A loud pounding noise caused Applejack to jerk awake. She was already a light sleeper, but with Twilight being foalnapped, and their only real lead working off a drug bender in some top-secret prison, the situation made sleep more of a suggestion than an actual rule. What made things worse was the mattress she slept upon. It was far too soft for her liking; Canterlot ponies must not be able to take a good firm bed. Just showed how little hard work they usually did. Rubbing her eyes, she looked over at the other pony in the room: Rainbow, who despite snoring as loud as an angry ursa major, had dark circles surrounding her eyes. The farmpony knew that she'd never admit it, but the pegasus probably slept about as well as she did. The pounding noise continued, and Applejack sleepily stumbled over to the door.
"I'm comin', I'm comin'. Keep your horseshoes on." she grumbled before grabbing the handle. Before her stood a Royal Guard.
"Miss Applejack, the Princesses request you and Miss Dash at once. They believe that our prisoner may have...recovered." It took a second for her to realize what the sentry meant.
"Oh! You mean she ain't all...grabby and such now? Alright, lemme get Dash up, and we'll be out in a minute." The guard nodded, and closed the door. Turning around, Applejack walked over to the pegasus, who was still snoring just as loudly as before. "Hey Dash, wake up. The Princesses need us."
"Mmm...but Soarin', I thought you and Spitfire were together..."
"Dash, c'mon. It's time to get up." The farmpony repeated, nudging her friend.
"Mm...you want me to lead the whole team?...I thought you'd never ask..." the cyan pony murmured out. Rolling her eyes, Applejack cleared her throat.
"Hey Rainbow Dash, the Wonderbolts are overrated." The pegasus's eyes flashed open and her body jolted forward.
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" Shaking her head, the orange pony walked over to her bed.
"C'mon, sleepyhead." she said, stifling a yawn. "The Princesses called for us. Apparently the big ugly bug is back on her rocker." Dash rubbed her eyes as she tossed the covers off.
"So she finally worked off that horny juice Fluttershy gave her?" she asked.
"Sounds like it."
The pegasus jumped out of bed. "Good! Now I can beat the stuffing out of her for information, and this time, she won't like it!" Placing her signature hat back on her head, Applejack frowned.
"How 'bout we see what the Princesses want before we go doin' that?"
"Ugh! Fine..." Dash scoffed as they neared the door. As she reached for the knob, she stopped. "Hey, uh, Applejack?"
"Yeah?"
"This probably isn't my place to say it, but when this is all over, will you do me a favor?" The farmpony nodded. "Listen, there's something you need to know, but it's not something I should really be the one to share, so maybe you should just..." Applejack raised a concerned eyebrow. "Ugh. Look. Just...just talk to Twilight when all this is over, okay? Can you promise me that?" The Earth pony gave a confused nod. "...good. Because she needs you. To talk. I mean she needs to talk to you. Okay?" Applejack repeated the motion. Without another word, the two left one of the many guest chambers of Canterlot Castle.
Starlight ducked under a branch as she stared at the map in front of her. "Okay, so I go North, take a right at the boulder that looks like a duck, and then...South? How does that make sense? Or was it South, then the boulder, then North?" she asked herself with a frustrated sigh.
"I thought it was West, then take a left at the tree that looks like a goose, then East to the river that smells like burnt hay fries?" Pinkie asked, sniffing a nearby flower.
"Where did you hear that?" the unicorn asked.
"From the baker, back in Dodge Junction!"
"Weird. The sheriff there told me to head...North? South? I don't remember, all I can think of is him mentioning a boulder that looks like a duck! How can a boulder look like a duck?!" Starlight shouted, throwing the map on the ground. The pink pony shrugged her shoulders.
"I dunno. I'm sure Maud would know, but she's not here right now, so...maybe we'll know it when we see it?" The unicorn snorted.
"Yeah, probably. It's not like you see a duck-shaped rock every day. Ugh, why couldn't Discord come with us?! He knows where Chrysalis's old hive was! He could just" she clicked her tongue, "snap his fingers, and we'd be there in an instant!"
Before Pinkie could answer, the sound of whistling stopped her as an older pony came up the trail. "Hello, ladies! Wonderful day for a hike, isn't it?"
"Uh, yeah." Starlight answered with a nervous laugh. "Say, you wouldn't happen to know the way to the Changeling Kingdom, would you?" The unicorn stallion pushed his glasses up his snout with a snort.
"Well, isn't this a coinky-dink! That's exactly where I'm going!" The two mares exchanged a look of confusion.
"Why?" they asked in unison.
"Well, I plan on studying these new changelings! For the first time in...well, ever, I think, we're finally on good terms with them! So you better believe I'm going to take advantage of the opportunity to learn all I can!" he said, taking a swig from his canteen. "It may be a hike and a half, but it will be worth it!"
"Oh! Well, we were headed there too, but we got lost. Would you mind if we followed you?" Starlight asked with an anxious smile.
"I don't see why not! The more the merrier, I always say!" the stallion replied. "The name's Works Cited, by the way. I'm a professor at Manehattan University."
"I'm Starlight Glimmer, and this is Pinkie Pie."
"Well, I'm pleased to meet you both." the professor responded jovially, as the trio began marching North.
The guard guided Applejack and Rainbow Dash through the halls of Canterlot Castle. They had been here several times before, but had never truly explored it. It was far more massive than they fully realized, as the halls never seemed to end, and the staircases appeared to stretch on to infinity. After descending several floors, the guard stopped at a nondescript door with two additional guards standing sentry in front.
"Miss Applejack and Miss Rainbow Dash are here for the meeting with the Princesses, as requested." The door magically opened, and the two walked inside. As it turned out, they were the last to arrive, as the Princesses and remaining Elements all sat around a large table. Sitting down, Celestia magically poured them a cup of coffee each, and stood from her chair.
"It appears that Chrysalis has finally sobered up." she stated, taking a sip of espresso. She was bedraggled, and her mane, normally flowing and majestic, was unkempt. "Which means that we may finally begin questioning her in earnest. Before Luna and I begin, does anypony have any idea where Chrysalis may have hidden Twilight away? Any clue she may have given up before becoming inebriated?" Fluttershy flinched at the last sentence as her friends all shook their heads. The Princess nodded solemnly. "Understood. Both my sister and I will privately interrogate her. Hopefully we will be able to learn something. Shall we, Luna?" The other alicorn nodded, and the two left.
A deafening silence roared over the room as the remaining ponies huddled over their steaming cups. "So," a raspy voice spoke up, "anypony think the Princesses will get information out of her?" Applejack shrugged her shoulders.
"It can't hurt."
"I hope it does. And you should, too." her blue friend muttered out.
The farmpony swallowed a mouthful of coffee. "You okay, Dash? I mean, we all want that bug to pay, but you seem to want me to take it a bit more personally."
"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's just figure out what we're going to do if that stupid thing doesn't tell the Princesses where Twilight is." Figuring it best to leave it alone for a better time, an unconvinced Earth pony grunted in agreement.
"That's not a bad idea. Well, girls? What do you think?"
"I don't know, darling. The only interrogations I've ever read end up in rather intimate settings, and I really doubt that will help us in this situation." Rarity lamented, adding cream to her coffee. "If I'm completely honest, this is entirely out of my skill set. I will of course do whatever is necessary to save my friends, but...I feel as though I'm at a loss. And what's worse is that Queen Chrysalis seems to know exactly what to say to get under our skin."
"Psh. All she has to do to get under my skin is exist!" Dash interjected. A murmur of approvals went around the table as an orange hoof reached for a bagel from a plate in the center.
"I just wish we knew how to get inside her head." Applejack said through a mouthful of bread. Swallowing it, she continued. "Or at least some sort of trail we could follow, or something other than just sitting here." She took a swig of coffee. "I don't know how Twi does it. I really don't. She always knows what to do or what to say. It's like she can invent some new scientific doohickey on Monday, solve a friendship dispute on Tuesday, read a library's worth of books on Wednesday, and defeat some horrible villain on Thursday! And she still has time to hang out with us on the weekends! When does the poor girl sleep?" The other ponies in the room nodded in agreement as a blue pegasus's eyes widened.
"Yeeeeaahhh, I bet it'd be a lot easier if she had a special somepony to help her share the load, ya know?" Dash smugly replied, taking a sip of coffee. The remark earned a death glare from the white unicorn across the table.
"I'm not certain that now" Rarity retorted through gritted teeth, "is the best time to bring up Twilight's dating life."
"Yeah, especially 'cause Mac ain't here." Applejack agreed, setting down an empty coffee cup. The answer caused the three other ponies to jerk their head in her direction. "What? You think I don't see it? I know Twi's sweet on my brother. Just about the only explanation I got for her always findin' an excuse to be out at Sweet Apple Acres. But Rare's right: this really ain't the time or place for it. We'll talk about it after we get her back."
"SERIOU-" Dash sputtered out, before being magically cut off by a light blue glow and another angry glare.
"Ahem. Yes, Rainbow Dash, 'seriously.' We will address Twilight's love life when her actual life is out of mortal danger." Rarity replied with a forced smile. The pegasus only rolled her eyes in return.
Closing the door behind them, Celestia cleared her throat. "So, how shall we do this?" she asked as the two Princesses walked through the halls.
"To be frank, I believe Rainbow Dash had the correct idea from the start: hit her until she tells us." the younger alicorn replied nonchalantly.
"Really, sister?" the solar Princess asked. "What about 'Good Princess, Bad Princess?'" Luna looked up in thought.
"Well, that could work. We haven't done it in ages, though."
"What's to remember? You go in all prim and proper, I go in and throw chairs around. It's easy!" Celestia responded.
"I'm sorry, but it sounds like you want to be the 'Bad Princess.'" her younger sister pointed out.
"Well, of course. I was always better at it anyway."
"Excuse me?! I was literally a nightmare! If anypony could be a true 'Bad Princess,' it's me!" Her older sister scoffed.
"Pfft. Yes, and as I recall you were defeated twice. TWICE. If anything, you'd be the 'Occasionally Troublesome Princess.'" she replied with a smirk.
"Oh, you're right, I forgot. After all, it's not like you haven't had your teeth kicked in by, let's see here...me, Discord, Chrysalis, Tirek, Chrysalis again...anypony else I'm forgetting? At least I know how to look and sound fearsome. What will you do, hmm? Frown angrily? Maybe furrow your brow? Say a swear?" Luna asked smugly.
"Look, I'm the older sister, and Mom left me in charge. So if I say that I'm going to be the 'Bad Princess,' I'm going to be the 'Bad Princess!'" the other alicorn snapped.
"Oh, come on! Mom didn't leave anypony in charge! And maybe the 'older sister' stuff worked when we were younger, but we're both adults now, so knock it off!" the nocturnal Princess shot back. The two glared at each other as they neared the cell door, before Celestia finally spoke.
"...fine. Since you're being such a stupid baby, I'll let you be the 'Bad Princess.' I'll go in first and be the 'Good Princess.'"
Luna nodded triumphantly. "Good. I'm glad you're finally seeing reason." Opening the door to the prison cell, they witnessed a pitiful sight: Chrysalis, huddled in the corner, her eyes bloodshot as she glared at the two. She hissed as the light hit her, and she shielded her eyes. Celestia stepped inside, and as the door swung shut, she turned to face her sister.
"OhbythewayIwaslyingI'mtotallygoingtobethebadprincess!" she quickly whispered as her sister disappeared behind the metal rectangle. Luna stood outside, mouth agape.
"Oh, that is NOT FAIR!" she shouted, stomping a hoof in anger.
As the door closed behind her, Celestia turned to stare at the disheveled mess in front of her. A bowl of liquefied love sat half-ate, and apparently half-spilled, on the floor. Behind it, a glaring Queen of the Changelings. At least some changelings, presumably. In all her interactions, the Princess had never known Chrysalis to work alone, so it was reasonable to assume that she had had a few lackeys to carry out the grunt work in foalnapping Twilight. Had it not been for such a heinous act, the solar royal would almost feel sympathy for the pathetic creature in front of her.
Almost.
Just imagine you're getting ready to 'motivate' Blueblood. So no killing. Despite how much she deserves it, you can't get answers from a corpse. she thought to herself. Taking a deep breath, she hoofed up the bowl.
"Not hungry, hmm?" she asked. The changeling narrowed her bloodshot eyes in response. "That's fine. I guess you probably already got what you want from TWILIGHT?!" the Princess shrieked, heaving the bowl against the wall behind her captive. The contents splattered everywhere, and the now-flattened dinnerware bounced to the ground, leaving a sizable divot in the wall. Great. Now I have to pay for another bowl and to fix the damaged wall. "TELL ME WHERE SHE IS! NOW!"
"NEVER!" Chrysalis hissed, her snake-like tongue flashing out.
"So it's going to be that way, eh?" Celestia asked, pacing in the tiny room. "That's fine. That's just fiiiiine. Tell me, do you remember what the Elements did to you?" The Queen shakily shook her head.
"Honestly, not really. I kind of remember some pain, and...the scent of apples, I think? And...oh. Oh yeah. That yellow psychopath. Outside of that, I don't really remember mu-"
"WELL IT'S GOING TO BE A PLEASANT MEMORY ONCE I'M DONE WITH YOU!" The solar diarch boomed, slamming a foreleg into a wall. Chrysalis flinched backwards. A twitch formed in the alicorn's left eye. Oh. That was dumb. Punching a rock wall was VERY dumb. Must. Focus. On. Interrogation. Placing her throbbing foreleg down, Celestia closed the distance between the two, taking deep breaths as she moved. "BECAUSE MAKE NO MISTAKE, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT WILL SAVE YOU FROM ME, AND THAT'S ANSWERS! NOW!" Oh for the love of Faust I'm in pain!
"What sort of fool do you take me for?!" the changeling shot back. "Despite what everyone thinks, I'm not stupid. Even I know that if I tell you, I'll lose everything! So do your worst!"
...crud. Fine. Time to throw some stuff. Celestia smirked, and limped back. Looking about the room, she spotted the wash basin and pitcher. "You know, I was hoping you'd say that. Because that means I get to do THIS!" She grabbed the pitcher, and hurled its contents at her prisoner, soaking the changeling. "Had enough? Or do you need more convincing?"
"NEVER!" Chrysalis choked out, trying to shake the water off her.
"I can do this all day, and it will only get worse. Unless somepony stops me, that is." the Princess loudly announced. There was a pregnant pause as the Princess's eyes darted to the door. "Like I said, unless somepony stops me, I'll keep going until you can't even move!" she shouted. Another pause. "Yeah, I'm definitely going to beat you senseless unless SOMEPONY COMES IN and keeps me from doing just th-" The door to the cell creaked open, and a dark blue alicorn entered. She was wearing glasses and holding a folder in her magic.
"You shall do no such thing. Now leave or I'll have you thrown in another cell!" she sternly warned.
"...fine. But you better hope we get the answers we need..." Celestia retorted. As she left, she glared at Chrysalis, using a foreleg to making a slicing motion across her neck while mouthing 'I'll be back.' Her sister merely sighed and shook her head as the door slammed shut.
"...I always knew your sister was weird, but this just takes it to a whole new level."
"Quiet." Luna replied. "Now, I would very much appreciate it if you were to answer a question for me."
"I'm not telling you where Sparkle is." Chrysalis spat out, looking away.
"I'm sure you will, in due time. For now however, I was wondering if you had ever seen this statue?" the Princess asked, tossing the folder to her prisoner. "I only ask because it's rather pertinent to your situation." Opening the folder, it contained several pictures: one of a mare on a soap box, hoofing out pamphlets. Another of the same mare's mug shot. Finally, one of a statue that seemed to resemble the same pony. Chrysalis shook her head.
"No. But I don't keep track of what you silly ponies decide to make statues for. What, did she come up with a more efficient way of hugging?" she snorted out. Luna shook her head.
"No, she didn't. Admittedly this happened before I returned, but I've read the case study several times." the Princess answered. "Her name was Brilliant Galaxies, and she had some rather crazy ideas that she liked to promote. Something about the planet moving in space around the sun, instead of the opposite. An interesting theory, and certainly a fun philosophy to toy with while imbibing, but also certainly seditious. And while it was fine when she kept it to her little astronomy club, she became dangerous when she moved to the streets. She began hoofing out treasonous propaganda, and it became a serious issue. We asked her to stop several times, but it only caused her to increase her activities. Things came to a head when she attempted to teach a class about it. For her actions, she became stoned."
"...stoned? It sounds like she liked to" Chrysalis made a little smoking motion, "do that anyway. At least to come up with something like that." The Princess smiled at the remark.
"As do I. However, let me clarify: I mean to say that that picture," she pointed to the final photo in the stack, "is Brilliant Galaxies. A petrified version of her anyway."
"A petrified version of her?" Luna nodded.
"It's a far worse fate than you might think. Imagine, if you will, a world in which you sit in a living stasis. Eternally tired, but unable to rest. Forever hungry and thirsty, but unable to eat or drink. Able to see and hear all around you, but unable to respond. Dying...but never dead. Brilliant Galaxies is experiencing that right now, and will continue to do so for another two hundred and twenty-two years. When she has served her time and is finally removed from her prison, she will enter into a world that will be mostly alien to her: all family and friends she may have known will be long deceased, and she will essentially have to restart her life. And, of course, it will all be under our watchful eye. If she continues her treasonous behavior, the next punishment will be considerably worse."
"...Praedo, that's dark." Chrysalis whispered.
"And the same fate could befall you if you continue to withhold information about Princess Twilight Sparkle's whereabouts. Trust me when I say that I would not wish such a fate on anypony, as it's something similar to what I experienced when I was imprisoned on the moon." The alicorn said, looking away. "My sister, however, does not hold the same reservations that I do." The changeling looked down and twiddled her hooves. "Anyway," Luna continued, clearing her throat, "I simply wanted to let you know what might happen if your lack of cooperation continued. Take it from me: it won't be fun, because my sister, while I love her immensely, is, for lack of a better word...insane." Magically gathering the folder and photographs, she quietly left the cell, leaving a contemplative Chrysalis behind. Taking a deep breath, the Princess let it out slowly. Her sister chuckled in response.
"Are you always that sappy? And what's with the glasses?" Celestia asked, rubbing a throbbing foreleg. Luna shrugged.
"Well, that's what happens when I have to play the 'Good Princess.' I have to ham it up a little."
"Which is why you're so good at it." the older alicorn mentioned. "Also, what was that you said about me being insane?"
"So 'Shy...I don't suppose you have anything else in your bag of tricks to get that bug talking, do you?" Applejack asked. The pegasus' eyes widened and she violently shook her head.
"NO!" she shouted before shrinking from the outburst. "I mean, no. I don't. And I threw away the rest of the sodium thiopental. I don't ever want to experience that again, and I especially don't want to disappoint the Princesses again!"
"Well, shoot. I wish King Thorax was here. I bet he'd know how to get inside that bug's head." the farmpony replied.
"I doubt we'll have to wait very long, darling. Starlight and Pinkie should be well on their way to the Changeling Kingdom by now. It should only be a short while before we hear back from them." Rarity offered with a soft smile. "I have every faith in their abilities."
"WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO TAKE A BITE OF IT, PINKIE?!" Starlight screamed, ducking under a branch.
"IT LOOKED AND SMELLED LIKE A CUPCAKE! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT IT WAS A TRAP?!" the Earth pony screamed back.
"YOU SMELL A CUPCAKE IN A FOREST, AND YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S WEIRD?!"
"WE LIVE IN EQUESTRIA, SILLY! THE SMELL OF BANANA-FLAVORED CUPCAKES LEADING US TO AN UNTIMELY DEMISE ISN'T THAT WEIRD WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT!" Pinkie shouted back with a giggle before crashing through a spider web. "ALSO I THINK I JUST SWALLOWED A SPIDER! PLEASE DON'T TELL FLUTTERSHY!"
"LADIES, CAN WE PLEASE CONTINUE THIS CONVERSATION ONCE WE'RE AWAY FROM THE PONTIANAK?!" the professor pleaded, heaving his pith helmet at the creature behind them in an effort to dissuade its pursuit.
"You're right, Rare. It shouldn't be too long. Until then, I guess we'll just wait to see what the Princesses can get out of her." the farmpony replied with a nod, as the door to the meeting room opened and two alicorns shuffled in. Celestia walked with a barely noticeable limp, and Luna removed a pair of glasses.
"Well ladies, my sister and I have, ahem, worked our magic. All we can do now is wait to see what develops." the white alicorn stated.
"Is there anything we can do in the mean time? This just 'sitting around doing nothing' stuff is the worst thing in the world!" opined a raspy pegasus.
"Not until King Thorax arrives. If there is anycreature that would understand the Queen and her motivations, we believe it is him." Luna answered. "Sooner or later Chrysalis will crack, and I would like us all to be present when that occurs." Dash raised a hoof to counter the Princess's argument, but was interrupted by an urgent knocking at the door. Turning around, the nocturnal diarch opened it to find a guardspony.
"Princess Luna!" she gasped, trying to catch her breath. "The...huff...the bug said she'll talk!" The alicorns shared a look of surprise.
"Really? When? Just now?" Celestia asked, quickly cantering over to the door. The guard nodded quickly.
"Yes ma'am! But only...huff...only to Miss Applejack!"
"...to...Applejack? Did she say why?" The guard suddenly averted her gaze.
"We try to spend as little time dealing with her as possible, ma'am." Celestia rolled her eyes with a sigh.
"I understand. Very good. Return to your post." With that, the guard bowed, and galloped back from whence she came. Closing the door, the solar diarch turned to face the shocked ponies in the room. "Well. It appears we have some sort of chance at getting a dialogue going. Applejack?" The Earth pony simply stared ahead in confusion.
"Why do ya think she wants to talk to me? The last time we talked, all she did was insult my family and..." she shuddered, "...get all weird on me." The Princesses shrugged.
"I wish we knew. She's obviously attempting to work some sort of angle, and I wish we could wait for Thorax to arrive, but time is of the essence." Celestia answered.
"Agreed. I understand that Chrysalis is a less-than-desirable creature to talk to, but if she's willing to, I feel as though we must take advantage of our opportunities as we receive them." the other alicorn added. Applejack slowly nodded.
"...you're right. I may not like it, but I'll do whatever I can to get Twi back."
"Excellent. I will have a guard escort you to her cell. I will meet you there, but I first must retrieve a vital piece of equipment." the white alicorn replied. "As for the rest of you, follow my sister. She will take you to an observation room."
"I'm sorry, but did you say 'a duck-shaped rock?'" Works Cited asked, taking a gulp of water from his canteen. The chase had completely turned the trio around, and they were staring at a large map in an effort to get their bearings. Starlight nodded, wiping her brow.
"Yeah, that's what the sheriff told me in Dodge Junction." The stallion raised a hoof to his chin in thought.
"Hmm. I was afraid of this." he replied. "I've heard rumors of less friendlier changelings giving ponies incorrect directions in an effort to keep this new hive isolated."
"Really?" Starlight asked. "Why?"
"Well," the professor started, cleaning his glasses, "from what I understand, the, uh, 'old style' changelings see this new hive as something of an abomination. It goes against what we assume is thousands of years of culture, tradition, and their way of life. And the fact that they overthrew a Queen to do it is akin to spitting on your sainted mother's grave."
"Ah, yeah. That would make sense." the unicorn replied with a nervous laugh. "If that's what happened, I'm kind of surprised I didn't get blasted in the face with magic, then." The stallion gave a surprised look.
"Oh? Why's that?"
"Well, I may have...kinda sorta helped overthrow Queen Chrysalis." Works Cited's mouth dropped open. "Oh! Not alone! No, Thorax was the one who did most of the work. I just put the idea in his head, and he...ran with it."
"...I see. I see! And you said your name was Starlight Glimmer?" he shot out, quickly grabbing a saddle bag. Rooting around in it, he found a notebook and pen. "I knew that name sounded familiar! Please! Tell me everything you remember! This is a truly golden opportunity!"
"There's not much to tell that I didn't already explain to the reporters." she answered while slowly backing away. "And besides, shouldn't we get back to figuring out where we are so we can find the Changeling Kingdom?" The stallion's shoulders slumped in response.
"...I suppose you're right. But please promise me you'll agree to an interview once we find the new hive! I'm sure I have some questions that the newspapers didn't think to ask!"
"I...I guess. But we need to get to King Thorax before we do anything else." she replied, bringing the map back into view.
"Of course, of course!"
Applejack waited apprehensively next to a small, unassuming door. Posted outside it was a dozen guards, all standing at perfect attention. Had she not known better, the farmpony would have assumed they were statues. She resisted the urge to poke one just to make sure as the sound of clip-clopping hooves caught her attention. It was Princess Celestia, and she held something small in her magic.
"Thank you for waiting, Applejack. It took me longer than expected to find this." she said, offering the object to the mare.
"What is it?" she asked, holding it in her hoof.
"Officially it's an 'Alchemical Thought Transference Otological Device,' but Luna and I always just called it our 'conscience.'" the Princess explained with a smile.
"An alchemical thought what? Your conscience?"
"Basically, you put it in your ear and it will allow us to both listen and talk to you. It's practically invisible, and you'll be the only one who can hear us." Celestia replied. "I figured you might like to have us in there, without having us in there." The Earth pony nodded slowly, and planted the device in her ear.
"Alright, so now what?"
"Go in there, and figure out what you can. Again, Chrysalis must be working some kind of angle, or she wouldn't ask to talk to any of us. But hopefully we can parse something out of what she lets slip." she answered, magically opening the door. Behind it was a long, dimly-lit hallway. One sentry stood stock-still next to a metal door. "That's where we're holding the changeling Queen. Give me a few minutes to get to the observation room, and then enter. If you find yourself in danger we'll have guards breaching the cell within seconds." Applejack nodded confidently, and walked in.
Alright, let's see what this big ugly bug wants. It's up to you now, sugarcube. You need to keep your promise to Twi. Keep things together, and don't let her get inside your head again. she thought as she walked towards the cell. Nearing it, she stopped as the guard spoke up.
"I'll be honest, ma'am: I'm glad it's an Element going in there, and not me."
"Why's that?" the farm mare asked.
"When...'she'...first arrived, she was the grabbiest thing I've ever known. I've heard stories of the Smooze that weren't as terrifying. She, uh, let's just say she 'got intimate' with a few guards. One's still recovering in the hospital, and the other two are in therapy. And when she wasn't doing that, she was...enjoying herself. Non-stop. I don't know what drug she was on, but I hope it was a one-time thing." she replied with a sickening shudder. "So, like I said: I'm glad a Hero of Equestria is going in there, because I heard you were the ones who caught her in the first place, so you must know how to deal with that." Applejack's mouth gaped open.
"Uh, yeah, we definitely found her like that." she replied, her eyes darting back and forth. "And I'm sure whatever it was that made her that way won't ever be used again."
"Applejack, are you ready?" came an ethereal voice.
"Who said that?!" the farmpony answered, jumping to attention.
"It's me, Celestia. You have the conscience in your ear, remember? And don't tell the guard about it. We don't know how well Queen Chrysalis can hear outside her cell, so it's best we don't risk it." Applejack nodded as the guard readied her spear.
"Heh...heh-heh. Sorry there, sugarcube. Thought I heard somethin'. Must've been the wind." she stuttered out. The guard, still wary, lowered her weapon. "Alright, I'm ready to go in." The sentry nodded, and magically opened the door. As she entered, her eyes struggled to adjust to the comparative darkness of the cell. She couldn't even see Chrysalis, although that probably wasn't helped by the fact that the pony was looking for a black creature in a dimly lit room. It wasn't until the changeling spoke that she was finally able to properly place her.
"It's about time you showed up, pony."
"Yeah, well, I'm only here for Twi. If it were up to me, I'd lock the door and throw away the key. Where is she?" the mare asked, narrowing her eyes.
"Oh, in time, in time." Chrysalis responded, gently knocking her forelegs together. "But first, can I ask you something?"
"No."
"What all do you know about Sparkle? Like does she have a favorite scent other than apples or something?" the Queen idly asked.
"I know you're gonna tell us where she is. Right now." Applejack responded coldly.
"Ooookay. How about this? Why don't you tell me what you know about Sparkle and we go from there?" she asked while attempting an innocent smile.
"I swear, if you don't tell me, I'm gonna-" the farmpony started, only to stop as a voice interrupted her.
"Look, just play along for now, Applejack. Engage her. If it gets her talking, she might let something slip." whispered a regal voice. Sighing, she sat down on the floor.
"Why do you want to know what I know about Twi?"
"Oh, I'm just curious. I like to see how close a friend you really are." Chrysalis asked, refusing to make eye contact.
"...alright, fine. I met her at the Summer Sun Celebration, about six years ago. Her and the rest of us girls helped bring Luna back from the brink, and we've been best friends ever since." The changeling nodded, and circled her hoof, urging Applejack to continue. "And she's smart. Real smart. Probably the smartest pony I've ever known."
"Yeah, that's common knowledge. Well, except for the smart part. She's actually kind of dumb if you ask me. Didn't even know about simple stuff, like the birds and th-"
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK, RIGHT NOW." the orange mare seethed, quickly standing.
"Easy, Applejack, easy. We need to avoid violence at all costs." the voice cautioned, forcing the pony back.
"Ooooh, you're feisty! I'll have to keep that in mind!" Chrysalis purred. The Element of Honesty took a deep, calming breath before sitting back down. "Anyway, what do you know about her on a more...personal level? Like, you know...favorite scents, or even foods?"
"Foods?" Applejack asked, cocking her head to one side. The changeling nodded. "...she hates quesadillas. Or just about anything too cheesy."
"That's...weird." Chrysalis commented. "Why cheese?" The farmpony shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever. What's her favorite perfume? Actually, wait - don't answer that. What's your favorite perfume?"
"...perfume? I don't...why do you wanna know?"
"I...just want to get to know you, that's all." the Queen replied an octave higher than usual, looking nonchalantly at the ceiling. Applejack squinted at the prisoner.
"Yeah, right. And Empress apples are great for pies." she snorted. Chrysalis gave her a questioning look.
"You know, I think I know what that means from the context and all, but in the future it might not hurt you to use phrases that other creatures can actually get."
The farmpony snorted angrily. "Alright, you want it in plain Ponish? What I meant to say was 'I think you're a lyin' sack of manure, and you're just stallin' for some reason!' Did you 'get' that one?!" Applejack snapped as she stood up.
"Calm down, Applejack! She's just pushing your buttons!" quietly shouted a tiny voice. The Earth pony flexed her muscles for a moment before sitting back down. "Turn the tables a bit: ask HER some questions, like how many drones she has, or why she fought Twilight in the first place. Then we can work our way up."
"Alright, you asked me a bunch of nonsense, mind if I ask you a few things?" Chrysalis idly played with a strand of mane.
"Sure. Ask away, hayseed."
"First, my name is Applejack. If you want a chance of getting outta here within the next century, you'll call me by it. Second...how many drones you got workin' under you?" the mare asked, leaning back in an effort to appear relaxed.
"Pft. None, thanks to that plum-colored friend of yours." the Queen snorted out derisively.
"...you mean Starlight? I thought she was just purple?" Applejack inquired, scratching her chin.
"Whatever she is, she's the reason I had to do this basically all on my own!"
"So wait, you delivered that love letter on your own? And the photo album?" Chrysalis's head snapped forward to stare at the Earth pony in front of her.
"YOU SAW THAT?!" she screamed. Applejack nodded with a shrug.
"We all did. Still tryin' to figure out why you sent it, though." If changelings could turn red from embarrassment, Chrysalis would have found herself to be the first all-crimson one in the species. "See, Twi figured it was because you were tryin' to get inside her head, but Starlight had this crazy idea that it was so you could do something a whole lot worse..."
"S-sooo...you're saying you saw my..." The mare nodded.
"Yup. Saw the whole kit'n'kaboodle."
"I KNEW THAT WAS A BAD IDEA! I KNEW IT!" the Queen quietly screamed to herself. Clearing her throat, she continued. "So...Twilight saw it. What did she think of it?"
"If I remember correctly she, uh, kinda threw the book away. I honestly don't know what happened to it after that. I know it made Dash throw her breakfast up, though. That I definitely remember because I didn't think that mare could hold that much in her." Applejack added, looking up in thought. The changeling stared at her interrogator.
"So...not only did it not entice her, but it made one of you throw up?! WHY?!"
"I think part of it was the surprise of it. It was already weird gettin' a bunch of pictures of you, but then when that last one of your, uh, 'parts' jumps out at you...yeah." The farmpony trailed off, rubbing a foreleg.
"What do you mean by 'jumps out at you?'" Chrysalis asked, her good eye twitching.
"Well..." Applejack started, taking off her hat to scratch her head, "it wasn't so much a picture as it was one of those pop-up things. Like what 'Bloom used to read when she was real tiny."
"My...ovi...was a POP-UP BOOK PICTURE?!"
"Yeah...wait, I thought you knew that? Didn't you just say you worked alone?" the farmpony inquired, giving a sideways glance.
"...uh...yeah! I'm just surprised...that...you knew...is all." Chrysalis absentmindedly replied, unable to look her interrogator in the face.
"So, anyway-"
"I still can't believe she did that." the changeling interrupted, before looking back at her captor. "Showed you the book, that is." she quickly corrected. "I need to make a note to update my 'To-Kill' list when I get home. Move number fifteen to number two."
"Yeah, you ain't goin' anywhere, not at least until you tell us where Twi is."
"So you really saw it? Who else? Just you and Sparkle, right?" Applejack shook her head.
"No, all us girls did. Well, 'Shy didn't, but that's 'cause she was helping Rainbow."
"ALL OF YOU?!" Chrysalis shrieked, before slouching down. "I...I can't believe it. It was supposed to be private." she quietly whispered, before stifling a sniffle. She shuddered in place, before looking at the farmpony with shimmering eyes.
"Uh, you oka-" was all Applejack could get out before Queen Chrysalis, Queen of Apparently Some Changelings But Not As Many As Expected, and Not Technically Yet Devourer of Ponies, let out an ear-piercing mournful wail.
Behind a secret door lies a secret hallway in a secret underground wing of Canterlot Castle. And in that secret hallway is another secret door that opens to a secret room that few living creatures know of. The chosen few that did know of this layer-cake of secrets were the top elite officers of the Canterlot Royal Intelligence Bureau, and they were required to have Top Secret clearance. One would assume them to be the top secret agents in their field, and therefore the most professional.
And one would be wrong.
Magically projected on a wall at the front of the room was Chrysalis's cell, and the occupants of the room watched with rapt enthusiasm as the events unfolded before them.
"Uh, Princess? Princesses? The bug is, uh...crying. What should I do?" came a quiet voice. A voice that was unfortunately drowned out by laughter.
"I CALLED IT! DIDN'T I CALL IT?!" boomed a large, mustachioed stallion. Socking the mare in the shoulder next to him, he grinned. "Pay up! Fifty bits!"
"Yeah, yeah, Dead Drop, I see it. She's crying." the mare replied, reaching into a saddlebag. Stopping, she whipped her head around to face him. "One hundred bits says she ends up revealing something even more embarrassing!" The stallion rubbed his chin for a bit, then nodded.
"I'll see that bet, plus a month's worth of my sister's desserts, if Applejack doesn't threaten Chrysalis with violence again!" came a regal voice. The two agents turned to see the solar Princess offering a hoof. Looking at each other, they shrugged, and hoof-bumped the royal.
"Did I hear you betting away my desserts?!" Luna demanded.
"Well, that's what you get for going to the little filly's room." Celestia replied with a smirk. "Besides, it's only fair you share that chocolate raspberry torte. The ganache is to die for."
"Speaking of 'dying for,' you wouldn't need to engage in these foolish wagers if you kept torture as one of our interrogation methods." her sister retorted, taking a sip of a ristretto. "Or just kept violence as an option to begin with."
"Yes, well, ponies don't really have the stomach for 'Death by a Thousand Cuts' or the 'Iron Mare' anymore." the eldest alicorn replied.
"Which only proves a point I've been making since I got back: you let ponies go soft in my absence." Luna commented, idly inspecting a hoof.
"Oh, I did nothing of the sort. Ponies change with the times. Maybe if you did, too, you might actually leave your room more than twice a week." her sister giggled out.
"And what does that have to to do with anyth-"
"HELLO?! IS ANYPONY THERE?!" came an annoyed drawl. The two royals looked at each other in confusion for a moment, before their eyes widened and they dashed towards a console in the back of the room.
"Yes! Hello! We're here, Applejack!" Celestia replied, speaking as nonchalantly as she could.
"She's a mess here! What should I do?"
"It could be a ruse." Luna commented.
"True, but I doubt it. I've seen quite a few pathetic ponies in my life, and if this is a trick, then it's easily one of the best performances I've ever witnessed." her sister countered. Pushing the button, she spoke into a microphone. "Applejack, are you still there?"
"Ain't like I can go anywhere else."
"So what you need to do is...comfort her." Celestia replied uncertainly.
"...say what."
"She's...vulnerable right now. And we need to take advantage of it!" the nocturnal Princess answered, shoving her sister aside. "Perhaps she will be more easily swayed into giving useful information!"
Applejack unsteadily rose to her hooves. Comfort this thing? Seriously? She needs a good buck in the teeth, you ask me. Slowly, very slowly, she shuffled her way to the mourning royal. "Uh...there...there." she quietly said, barely laying a hoof on the changeling's shoulder. The move caused Chrysalis to flinch, and she cracked open her good eye to look at the pony consoling her. "Just, uh, just let it all o-" Before the mare could finish her sentence, the Queen grabbed her in an all-embracing bear hug, before letting out another wail.
"AND! AND!" she sniffed out, "IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SOMETHING SHE SAW IN PRIVATE! BUT I KNEW IT WOULDN'T BE! THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE! AND WHAT KIND OF JERK JUST SHOWS THE WHOLE WORLD YOUR...YOUR OVI?! I KNEW IT WAS A BAD IDEA, BUT NOBODY EVER LISTENS TO ME! I DIDN'T THINK SHE WOULD LIKE IT, AND I WAS RIGHT! NO WONDER SHE THINKS I'M A HIDEOUS FREAK!"
"Wait, Chrysalis sent Twilight a picture of her ovipositor?!" Luna exclaimed. Her sister sagely nodded.
"She did." Celestia replied, trying to suppress a grin. "And it also came with a super-awkward letter."
"Oh, I must see these!" The solar diarch shook her head.
"I wish we both could, but from what I understand, they were launched into the sun. I kind of feel I need to talk to Twilight about respecting personal boundaries, and why that's my domain, not hers, but I'll wait a little while after this all blows over." The younger royal let out a discontented murmur.
"Oh, poo. I bet it was humorous."
"Oh, come on! Somepony answer! What do I do now?!" came an irritated voice.
"She's hugging you, good! She must be on the emotional ropes!" Celestia answered.
"What does that even mean?!"
Swatting her sister's hoof away, Luna pressed the button. "It means that if you were to compliment her, and I mean really compliment her, you may gain her trust! Tell her something nice! Something you like about her!"
"This is insane. What nice thing could I say?!"
Shoving her sister aside, Celestia grabbed the microphone. "Say that you respect her abilities! Say that you think she's a powerful, virile leader, and well-respected by both her equals and lessers!" Luna squinted at her sibling.
"...are you just saying what you would like to hear?" Pushing the microphone away, the solar Princess shrugged.
"Hey, who wouldn't want to hear that?"
The farmpony couldn't believe her ears. Compliment this...thing? Call it powerful? she thought, staring at the sobbing changeling crushing her diaphragm. ...for Twi. Taking a labored breath, she tapped the Queen's head. "Uh, hey. Hey. C'mon, look at me." Chrysalis turned her head up towards her interrogator and sniffled through bleary eyes. "Look, uh, Chrysalis."
"Queen Chrysalis." she corrected. Rolling her eyes, Applejack continued.
"Queen Chrysalis. Look, it's not that Twi thinks you're a disgusting freak or nothin'. It's just that...she's...intimidated...by you?" The changeling's ears perked up. Wiping a snotty snout, she suspiciously eyed the pony.
"'Intimidated?' Really? Did she say that? Why do you think that?"
"Uh...because...you're a...powerful...virile leader. And you're respected. By your peers and such." Applejack replied, scrunching her nose. I sure hope she doesn't know that I can't hold a poker face to save my life.
"V-virile? She said that? Wow. I've never been called virile before. Maybe I do have a chance!"
"Chance at what?" the farmpony asked.
"Uh, nothing, nothing. Hey, stop trying to get away."
"What? Why?" Applejack demanded.
"I, uh, I just like being next to you is all."
"No, it's probably 'cause you wanna sniff me again, ya weirdo!" the Earth pony answered, craning her neck away. The retort caused Chrysalis's eyes to shimmer, and a sniffle to appear.
"You...you think I'm a weirdo?"
"Go back to complimenting her! You doing the opposite of that right now!" shouted the ephemeral voice. The mare inwardly growled, and failed at taking a calming breath.
"I- Just- Alright, look: you're...not a weirdo. Not usually. Creepy as all get out, but not a weirdo. Except when you're tryin' to inhale me up a nostril." Applejack replied, refusing to look at her captive.
"Creepy? Sparkle said that same thi-hi-hi-hing!" Chrysalis sputtered out, before burying her head in the mare's barrel. "I'm never going to get laid." came a muffled voice.
"What?!" cried Luna in the observation room. "Sister?! Sister, did she say what I thought she just said?!" the nocturnal Princess asked, turning to her sibling, only to find an empty spot. "...Celestia?"
"Hey, what did you say?" Applejack asked, finally looking down at the changeling. The Queen's eye darted back and forth.
"N-nothing."
"No, I could've swore you just said something about fu-" was all the farmpony got out before a concussive blast shattered half of the entire cell. Rock and debris flew everywhere, the door cold-welded itself to the opposite wall, the temperature quickly reached a height that would make Tartarus appear cold, and an apocalyptically angry voice boomed through the violence.
"DID I HEAR YOU SAY THAT YOU KIDNAPPED PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP TWILIGHT SPARKLE, THE NEUTRALIZER OF THE NIGHTMARE, THE DEFEATER OF DISCORD, THE TOPPLER OF TIREK, THE SACKER OF STARLIGHT, AND MY MOST ATTRACTIVE STUDENT WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE OF MATING WITH HER?!" came a deafening roar as the dust began to clear. Standing in the fissure was Princess Celestia. Well, mostly. If one didn't know any better, they would mistake her for a different alicorn, given that her normally majestic and flowing mane was made of pure fire, and her eyes glowed a piercing yellow. Picking the cell's occupants up, she magically separated Applejack from the changeling before slamming Chrysalis into one of the few remaining walls left. "IF I DISCOVER THAT THIS WAS YOUR INTENTION, I WILL SEE TO IT TO THAT YOUR DEMISE IS SLOW, PAINFUL, DELIBERATE, AND PUBLIC, SO HELP ME FAUST!" she thundered, pressing a hoof against the Queen's neck. Chrysalis shook her head as she grasped at the Princess's hoof in vain. The walls, however crumbling they may have been, seemed to start closing in on the Queen's vision as Celestia's hoof pressed harder into her neck. "AND ONCE THE LAST BIT OF LIFE HAS LEFT YOUR DISGUSTING HUSK OF A BODY, I'LL GRIND YOUR CHITIN INTO FLOUR FOR MY BREAD, YOU VULGAR CRET-"
*CLANG*
Suddenly, the Princess's mane and eyes returned to normal, her grip slackened, and the temperature returned to a more habitable state. Her head bobbed for a moment before the alicorn slumped to the ground. Behind her was a much calmer dark blue Princess, holding a mangled cast iron skillet in her magic. Looking at it, she sighed.
"Chef Quiche Lorraine will be furious with me. This was an antique." Tossing it aside, she offered Applejack a hoof up, and picked her sister up in her magic. Looking to the bewildered guard, she cleared her throat. "Soldier. Forget what you saw here, and have the changeling Queen transferred to Stone Row." The sentry shakily saluted, before coughing lightly.
"Um, my Princess?" Sighing, Luna turned to face the guard. "Stone Row is currently full. I don't know of any spaces available."
"Make some space. Force the prisoners to hot-bunk if need be. But make sure she," the alicorn nodded towards the changeling, "is properly imprisoned. Now hop to it!" The sentry again saluted, and ran to fetch additional guards. Turning to face Chrysalis, she shook her head slightly. "As the foals are wont to say these days: 'Not cool, mare. Not cool.'" And with that, the three left.
The Queen massaged her throat as escorts entered the room. Spying a bit of brown in the rubble, she snatched it before being forced to her hooves. While the guards chastised her in an effort to induce movement, she smiled to herself. ...wow. Who would have thought Twilight would actually give USEFUL advice? Maybe she really is as smart as everyone says...