//------------------------------//
// Chapter 12: Anger and Tears 
// Story: Pandemic: Monsters We Make 
// by Halira 
//------------------------------//

Tonya sat outside the appointed hookah bar for the others to arrive. Tattered Wing was the one who had taken charge of Velvet, and the two of them should be arriving together with Megan. Melissa was going to take the evening off and join in as well. A private booth in the back had been reserved where they could discuss things without anyone overhearing, though at this stage, that was getting to be less of an issue if anyone did.

They were all running late, though. Sitting on the sidewalk at night was getting dull, and she wanted to stretch her wings, but was afraid they'd come up at any moment and miss her. She'd been sitting here for the better part of the hour.

The neon lights of the entertainment district flashed all around the street, advertising clubs, bars, theaters, and restaurants. There were still plenty of day ponies about, but the numbers were declining in favor of night ponies and humans as the night got later. This area never really shut down, but it had two sets of clientele. The humans and night ponies dominated the late-night scene and the rest of the ponies the day. She watched as shifts changed, and various earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns got off of work and joined the customers who were also preparing to go home.

She shifted her position on the sidewalk as several older teen unicorns hurried out of the hookah bar, nearly running her over. They were probably over eighteen from the looks of them, with mostly adult bodies with hints of foalish features still detectable in their faces. She watched them hurry down the street towards the monorail. Perhaps they lost track of time.

"Hi, Mrs. Blessing," she heard called out. She turned her head and saw Alex Rutledge walking up to her, wearing a vest, that marked him as a worker in the area, and his saddlebags.

She turned to look at him with a smile, happy for a chance at conversation while she waited. "Hello Alex, you know you can just call me Tonya, right? Mrs. Blessing is nice to hear, but it is a bit too formal."

He chuckled as he walked up. "Force of habit. My job involves dealing with a lot of rich people, and they get their tails out of joint if I don't address them formally."

"Any idea where your sisters are?" She asked. "I've been waiting for them for the last hour. They told me they'd be just a little late, but it's been almost an hour."

"Sorry on their behalf," Alex said with a slight bow of his head. "Tat said something about getting Ms. Nightshade to the tattoo parlor for her wings today. I'm guessing it might be taking longer than anticipated."

"Call her Velvet. Addressing her like that might make her uncomfortable," Tonya instructed. Being a day removed from a suicide attempt, it was worrisome that Velvet was even out and about.  She understood letting her out and being watched, though. Ponies didn't do well with isolation, and you didn't want to do that to a pony already suffering mental illness. It was bad enough when it was done to humans. No one who was feeling unloved should be kept in isolation, human or pony.

"Sorry again, a force of habit," Alex replied.

"What exactly do you do for work out here?" Tonya asked.

Alex pointed a hoof to his flank, which was a drink of some sort. "Learning the trade of bartending. I'm pretty good at it, but still learning the actual trade part of making drinks. I have to have a veteran standing close by for me to do any special orders. Having a talent for something and knowing everything involved with it are two different things. I was a late bloomer with my mark--just getting it this year, but I'm enjoying this."

Tonya adopted a sly smile. "Meet many pretty mares doing your work? I'm taken, but I can still detect your charm."

He looked away slightly. "A few."

"How about Wild Growth?" Tonya asked with interest. "High-end place that serves alcohol? Sounds like catnip for her."

"I'm pretty sure that she's indiscriminate in choosing where to visit," Alex said slowly. "But no, I’ve only run into her at a little club down the way earlier this year."

"Ooh, do tell," she said with a smirk.

The blue unicorn sat down. "I wasn't doing great; being an adult with no cutie mark is rough. I was sitting at a bar that catered primarily to humans not far from here and just trying to get some peace, you know?"

She nodded sympathetically. It was rare for a pony to be an adult with no cutie mark at this point, but it wasn't unheard of. Ponies tended to look down on unmarked ponies. Humans didn't have the same concepts about adulthood and maturity as ponies. Ponies would treat a foal with a mark more like an adult than a blank flanked adult. It was just part of pony thinking. Early on after ETS this wasn't much of an issue, but as the majority of the adults gained their marks and maturing foals started gaining theirs, the concept of adulthood--or at least maturity-- equaling marked started developing and was now highly prevalent.

He continued. "I was just there, taking human-sized shots--which I don't recommend doing as a pony--and then all a sudden she just walks in and takes a seat at the bar right next to me!"

"Not every day that a celebrity just comes and takes a seat next to someone," Tonya agreed.

"She ordered a martini, I remember it was a Martinez," Alex continued.

"Not surprising she might choose a drink with that name," Tonya giggled.

"The bartender brought her the drink, and she just downed that martini in one long gulp. She tipped him and ordered another," Alex said with a shake of his head. "She then turned to me, looked at the shot glasses, and then said ‘looks like I'm not the only pony having a rough day. What's your story?’

"I just sat gaping at her. I was so shocked she was starting up a conversation with me. I was no one, and she's Wild Growth," Alex said with wonder. "I said just the blank flank blues like an idiot."

"Not the best introduction to yourself," Tonya said with a chuckle.

"Then she said: Well, you are a handsome shade of blue. Don't let ponies get you down. You're the most handsome stallion in this bar," Alex said with a stupid grin. "Didn't even occur to me I was the only stallion in that bar. I just knew that Wild Growth had just complimented me."

Tonya resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Good grief, this pony was practically worshipping Wild Growth with this story.

"She asked my name, and after I told her, she asked if I was related to Megan Rutledge. After I told her that was my sister, she said that Megan never talked about her family much," Alex said as he flipped his tail in happiness. "We got to talking about our families, and she told me about how stressed she often got, and I started to relax. She seemed to really be listening to me, and I hung on her every word."

Tonya resisted the urge to shake her head. She had no doubt Wild was listening and showing interest. Wild always took an interest in any pony’s life she came across. The bad thing was that she mixed that with her flirting, and it made her seem a lot more serious about the connection than what Wild should let the other party interpret. It wasn't Wild deliberately trying to give a wrong impression; it was just Wild being herself. Rosetta had said she'd tried talking to her sister about this, but Wild didn't seem to understand it. Maybe Yinyu could be convinced to visit Wild; if anyone could explain it so that Wild could understand, it would be the Warden of Lust.

"We talked for a while," Alex continued. "Then, when it was getting late, she invited me to her mansion. When we got there we… well… you know..."

Tonya rolled her eyes and nodded. "I can guess pretty easily."

Alex sighed. "But in the morning when I woke up, she was gone. She'd left early to go to the airport and then overseas. Her servants gave me breakfast and then sent me on my way. Haven't seen her since."

And so Wild's string of one night stands continued. Poor guy, Tonya thought ruefully.

Alex became somber. "I'm not an idiot; I understand that Wild Growth sleeps with a lot of stallions and moves on. I'm not even angry about the fact she did it with me, even though I wish she would have at least said goodbye."

Tonya draped a wing over the stallion and hugged him. "That's very big of you. She isn't a cruel mare, but she probably deserves to be called out for how she does things like that."

Alex nodded. "It's just that when I was talking to her, I really did see this amazing mare from what she was saying; that it wasn't just all stories in the news. She does care that much about everyone. The kind of person I want to try to have a real relationship with."

"Alex," Tonya said hesitantly, trying to decide how to be delicate about this. "She is on the road a lot, and I mean a lot. Because she's involved with so many things, I don't see where she has the time to pursue a proper relationship, not one she can give the proper time and respect a relationship deserves. Not to mention that sex drive of hers isn't going anywhere when she is on the road, and that leads to a lot of temptation for her to cheat--I'm not saying she would, just that it would be a huge temptation. It seems common with anyone that travels a lot."

Alex looked sadly at her. "Do you have a lot of those clients?"

She shook her head. "I don't have those types of clients, but I'm around a lot of businesspeople because of who my wife is, and I've noticed it is common with those that travel more than they are at home. Lots of angry spouses and divorces in those circles."

"So you think I'd be an idiot to try," Alex said dejectedly.

Tonya flattened her ears. "I'm just trying to give you realistic expectations. Stranger things have happened, but even if she did take you up on trying a relationship, I don't think it would go well. She's a great pony, but I think a poor one to fill that kind of role--for anyone, not just you."

"Alex? What are you doing here?" Came Tattered Wing's voice.

The two of them turned to see Tattered, Velvet, Megan, and Melissa, all walking down the sidewalk towards them. Tattered and Megan were giving their little brother a questioning look. Melissa was scanning the area with her eyes like a cautious night pony might, despite her human form. Velvet kept glancing at her wings and shaking them.

"Just ran into Tonya on the way home from work, and we were having a conversation," Alex explained as his eldest sister embraced him, and they took in each other's scents. He released her then straightened his saddlebags with his magic. "I really should get going. I already missed my normal monorail time, and am going to be getting home late as it is."

"We'll be home pretty late," Megan said to him. "But we'll try not to be too late. I'm sure Tonya doesn't want to stay here all night."

Tonya shook her head. "I don't like being awake deep into the night like the rest of you, but I'm going to make sure everyone gets to talk and share their feelings."

"I'm eager to get started with our pseudo-night pony discussion group," Melissa chirped.

Tattered facehoofed and gave Melissa a dirty look. "Mel, you're my best friend, but please try to be sensitive to my sister."

Melissa looked at the other human woman who was rubbing her arms nervously, and her cheerful expression dropped. "I'm sorry, Megan. I should have been more considerate about what you're going through. I’ve just never had a chance to sit down and talk about this with anyone, and you don't know how much I've wanted to."

Megan kept rubbing her arms, but nodded. "It's okay; I shouldn't be so scared of having to discuss my experiences. I need to be braver."

Alex shifted position nervously and took a few steps away as he watched his two older sisters. "Well, I hope it goes well. I'll see you all in the morning, I guess."

After the unicorn left, Tonya led the group inside and confirmed their reservation for a private area. At this point, most of the patrons and staff were human with a scattered number of night pony mares, a few of whom looked like they were on dates with each other. The smoke in the air did have a slight tobacco scent, but smelled more of various fruits.

She spotted Velvet gazing at those mares and was not the only one to notice where the newly blessed pony was looking. Tattered laid a hoof on Velvet's shoulder, causing the other mare to jump with a start.

"It's alright," Tattered said soothingly. "I know what you're thinking about because I've been doing that same thing over the last week. We're both trying to adjust to this, and it will take time. Try not to fret about it."

Velvet took a wary step back from Tattered. "Are you hitting on me?"

Tattered shook her head. "It is going to be a long time yet before I try flirting with a mare. I might have had my sexuality forcibly changed, but that doesn't mean I have any clue what types of mares appeal to me yet. Just like you, I find myself looking and trying to figure it out. It's a big change, and there's no point rushing to get involved with anyone."

Velvet looked at the mares seated in the bar and then nodded. "You're right, no need to rush. I just need to take this one day at a time."

Tonya tried to get a look at Velvet's new tattoos, but couldn't tell from her vantage what they were. There were no real rules about what the marks on the wings had to be to mark a pony with Yinyu's Blessing. Most night ponies that took it tended to start with more abstract designs on the edges of their wings and add more personalized things to the bulk of their wings later on. From what she could tell, both Tattered and Velvet had chosen the more abstract option as well.

A member of the staff led them to a side room with a few large empty booths surrounding enormous group hookahs. The stalls had tasseled pillows for seating, and the entire place was done up with heavy use of red and yellow. It gave off a very Middle Eastern vibe. The group took their seats, and Megan immediately took a draw from the hookah, and the scent of the smoke when she exhaled was mango.

"No ordering cigarettes for you?" Melissa asked her fellow human.

Megan shook her head. "Trying to avoid those, and I also know how you feel about seeing flames."

"Thanks for thinking about me, but it's unnecessary," Melissa responded. "I've gotten over most of that. Just don't hold a flame up close to my face or ask me to sit close to a campfire and I'm good."

"This kind of place isn't going to bother you too much, is it?" Tonya asked worriedly about hearing about Melissa's aversion to fire.

Melissa shook her head. "Smoke doesn't bother me; it's the fire that does. I have to see the flames."

It seemed there were a lot of issues that this group could use counseling. Perhaps she should suggest some further sessions with some of them one on one. Having a few more clients wouldn't be a bad thing and helping others with their personal and psychological issues was near and dear to her. Maybe she should go the route Phobia was working on and try to get her own master's degree in psychology, perhaps even a doctorate.

"Since we're all here and comfortable, let’s get started," she announced. "I think everyone here knows everyone else, so there's no need to go through introductions. I figured we would start with Melissa since she's most eager to talk and that gives the others more time to collect what they want to say. Melissa, you have our attention."

The pony brained human quickly stood up with a big grin on her face. "Everyone knows I'm rehumanized and the situation surrounding why I rehumanized. Only Tat knows what came after, though. The same day I rehumanized Teddy Bear--or Dan as he was called back then--told me he was interested in pursuing a relationship. Make no mistake, I’m comfortable being rehumanized and being human again, but when I started a relationship with Teddy, things quickly became kind of murky."

"We always had a hard time accepting a human, even a former night pony, dating one of our stallions," Velvet muttered.

Melissa gave Velvet a sour look. "And you have no idea how many mares I've had to threaten to beat down if they try to fight me for him."

"Oh, I can guess," Velvet said with amusement. Then her amused expression dropped. "Won't be any danger of me trying that anymore, I guess."

Melissa got back on track. "Anyway, after one of the Dreamwarden trials that I attended as a guest of the Warden of Fear, I spoke with Yinyu. She restored my night pony mindset enough that Teddy Bear and I could have our time sleeping together be both as ponies. It’s not that I'm fully pony in thought, it's kind of an amalgamation of human and pony, and I'm not sure how to describe it better than that. Since then, my magic has grown to where I can dreamwalk on my own too."

"So why'd you sign up for this experiment, if everything is fine the way it is?" Megan asked.

Melissa blushed. "Well, being able to make love with Teddy in the dream realm is great, but there's still the waking world human part of my brain that craves actual physical contact that isn't satisfied with just dreams. I figured if there was a chance I could go temporarily pony again for periods we could...scratch that itch."

"So...you wanted to change your whole biology...just so you could screw," Velvet said slowly.

Tonya held her forehooves and wings up high. "Please don't make any verbal judgments about others. This is a safe discussion, free from criticism. You don't want others mocking your reasons, Velvet, don't mock hers."

Velvet held up her forehooves defensively. "I'm just saying, if interspecies sex is your thing, you could do that without the biology change. Sure the proportions and positioning are awkward..."

"Velvet!" Tonya warned.

"But plenty of people do it," Velvet continued. Then she took a draw from the hookah and spoke again. "Just saying."

Melissa clearly wanted to say something to Velvet, but contained herself. Instead looking around the table at everyone but Velvet. "Anyway, my situation is a little different from everyone else's, but I'm perfectly happy with how things went on my end with the experiment and am eager for my chance at round two."

Tonya took a deep breath to calm herself, then smiled. "Thank you for sharing, Melissa."

"I don't think it's that weird to want to be able to do that as the same species," Megan said consolingly to Melissa, who nodded.

"Are you ready to, for your turn?" Tonya asked Megan.

The younger woman took a long draw off the hookah again and let off a long plume of smoke up towards the vents that sucked away the smoke before standing up. "Well, as you all know, I'm on the city council. I'm the youngest person on the city council and the only human. I've always felt a little bit of an outsider in a city full of ponies, and wondered if I represent them as well as I should."

"You do a great job, don't worry about it," Tattered asserted. Melissa nodded in turn, and Velvet took another draw from the hookah.

"Regardless," Megan continued. "I felt like I should be able to walk a mile in their hooves to be an effective representative for them. My dad never really got to understand who he was representing; he just understood buzzwords and walking a party-line--whatever got him elected and kept money from interest groups flowing into his campaigns. I didn't want to be that. Sunset Blessing and I are good friends."

Tattered snorted, but kept her mouth shut.

"And she approached me about the experiments. I signed up for them so I could gain that extra insight," Megan explained.

"Helped that you had a stallion who's been showing interest in you for a while," Tattered added in.

Velvet coughed on her smoke and looked at the two humans. "Really?! Are humans that fucking horny?"

"Velvet! I'm not warning you again," Tonya growled. "I know you're channeling your frustration and anxiety, but I'm not going to let you make others feel bad."

Velvet's ears sagged, and she looked downward.

Megan wrapped her arms around herself as she continued. "But when they transformed me… nothing worked right, my body felt so wrong, and it just kept getting worse, and I was so afraid. Do you know what it's like to feel like you don't even have control of your body? That your body isn't even there, and you're stuck in something alien that won't respond?"

Melissa gave Megan a look of pure pity. "Not to that degree, but I remember feeling helpless in my body years ago, when it was mangled, and I was confined to a hospital bed, wondering if this was going to be my life."

Velvet bit her lip then nodded. "I can understand the alien part...I can sympathize with that."

Tattered just hugged her sister.

Megan covered her mouth as she started crying. "They eventually had to put me to sleep again, and even then, it was all wrong. My newfound magic surged and put me right into dreamwalking. I didn't know where I was or what was going on. I didn't have night pony instincts to make sense of all that. It was like I'd been moved from one nightmare to another."

Tonya didn't correct her that it was dreamwalker senses and not night pony senses she needed to make sense of the dream realm. What was said was close enough since night ponies were born with those, and everyone else needed to be gifted them.

"Then something came and touched me," Megan choked out as she tried wiping tears from her eyes. "That just made me panic more because I didn't know what it was. Then a voice came into my head and tried to soothe me, but I couldn't be soothed--I was too scared. It finally said it was going to get me out of there and suppress any nightmares from this, and that the ones who did this would be spoken to."

"That was Sha'am, and she did have a lot to say on the subject," Tonya informed the others, though Megan already knew. "She tried to be as gentle as she could with you."

"You know it had to be bad if the queen bitch was moved to show sympathy and compassion," Velvet muttered, nods from everyone else followed. It was rare to get any form of compassion from the Warden of Death.

"Sunset did get around to talking to you about the fact you register a PREQUES number now, right?" Tonya asked. Sunset hadn't mentioned following through on that, so it was best to make sure.

Megan looked at her in shock. "No...what do you mean? I have magic now?"

Tonya sighed. "I'm going to have to remind Sunset to get someone to you to discuss it in full, but yeah. You register a point three on the PREQUES scale, and will need to fill out some paperwork because of that. That's not enough to actively do anything, but as Melissa can tell you, those numbers have been known to grow in humans to where you might eventually."

"I'm not sure I want that," Megan said meekly.

Melissa reached out and laid a hand on Megan's shoulder. "It's not a bad thing, believe me; most humans that have magic like their magic. I'd feel like a big part of me was missing if it was gone. Magic wants to be used, and if it grows, it'll become as natural to you as using your hands."

Megan gave the other woman a worried look. "How long did it take for you before it grew enough to do something?"

Melissa considered. "At about six months, it was strong enough that Yinyu said she could grant me my dreamwalking ability if I wanted it. As for me; actively doing anything else? That took longer. At about a year, I started feeling things, getting sensations that I didn't understand. At about two years, I could tell where things were around me with those sensations. It hasn't grown since then, and they rate me right at a two. I started close to what you are now, though. Others got to do things earlier than me, but they also started stronger than me as well."

"I guess I'll deal with that if and when it comes up," Megan said with resignation. "But back to the experiment. I still am having nightmares about it, bad ones. When I'm just going through my day, I get mild panic attacks where I need to reassure myself that my hands and feet are there."

"I can relate," Velvet said quietly.

Tonya gave the woman an encouraging smile. "We'll work through this, and be bringing in more help for you. I'm sorry that happened to you. I know that it won't make you feel much better, but with what happened to you, we made changes to the spell, so the person we tested with this morning didn't go through that distress. If anything, she was upset we didn't keep her as a pony longer."

"I guess it's my turn to share?" Velvet asked.

"If you feel you're ready," Tonya advised. "If you need more time, you can have it. You've had a rough time."

Velvet looked around at the others, and her eyes fixed on Megan. "If Megan can get through talking about it, then I can too."

Tonya nodded back. "You're free to speak then. After you're done, we can have a more open discussion between each other about what went on and what you've all been feeling after in detail."

Velvet gave a sad nod and stood up on her pillow. "For me, it was about being lonely. Melissa over there barely spent time as a night pony before she rehumanized, so she wouldn't understand, but Tattered understands what being an unmarked night pony mare is like. The infighting between unmarked mares is something you have to experience to understand how bad it is. Not to mention people treating us like we're all pedophiles."

Tattered nodded in agreement. "It was so bad I had to step down from my job because I was unmarked."

"You're both marked now," Megan pointed out.

Velvet looked at her wings and then back to Megan. "And it feels like a cop-out, a surrender. Night ponies don't do surrender well. We're fighters, protectors; we pride ourselves on our willingness to keep fighting when everyone else has given up. Even back in the days that Sha'am tortured ponies, there was a certain pride in the fact we could take it."

"I think I understand that," Megan said after a moment.

"Well, you did get transformed into a night pony, so not a surprise you might already think like us to some extent," Velvet replied, then hung her head again. "The experiment was a different sort of cop-out for me, though. I was saying I couldn't make it as a night pony, and I'm ashamed to admit that."

Tonya bit her lip then decided to say something. "There were contributing factors, though. You've discussed before the infighting, but you also mentioned your family."

Velvet gave a bitter laugh. "Oh yeah, my Humanity First family that thinks I'm shit because I got ETS and turned into a pony, like I chose to get sick. Sure, I didn't rehumanize when I had a chance, but when I became a pony, I suddenly gained purpose that I didn't have before. Do you know what I used to do when I was a human? I worked whatever dead-end job I could get; drive-thru cashier, gas station attendant, a stocker at Target. I have forgotten a lot of my human life, but I remember those things. When I became a night pony, I became a protector, though, something worth being."

"I understand that feeling perfectly," Tattered cut in. "All I amounted to in life was disappointing my family and working as a fry cook. When I became a pony, I was eager to protect." She gave Melissa a sad look. "And when my friends got hurt, I gained a purpose beyond that, to make sure ponies didn't get hurt protecting."

Melissa nodded. "I remember the feeling. I remember being so scared I was going to lose that when I rehumanized. More than anything else about my transformation, I wanted to keep that. I have been so grateful that I have gotten to carry on with that."

Velvet turned and looked at her cutie mark of the ribbon wrapped around a flower. "It's my purpose in life, too. It might seem generic as night ponies go, but it's still special."

"But the hurt from all the rejection and infighting can get to anyone," Tattered concluded.

Velvet sniffled. "Yes, it does. The experiment didn't fix anything either; it just made things worse. Megan, you were talking about panic attacks about suddenly wondering if your body is right? I get those too. I keep imagining that I have tentacles growing from my hooves, or that my wings are gone, or that my wings have transformed into human hands. I have to touch my fur sometimes to remind myself it's still there--and the actual nightmares...oh god."

Megan stood up and scooted around the table till she was next to Velvet and gave the night pony a tight hug. The night pony leaned into it and started crying profusely, and it only took a moment for Megan to join her as they shared their memories of a terror that no one else at the table could ever understand.

It wasn't perfect, but it was a start at gaining the support each needed to fight back the terrors in their heads. Tonya hoped that Amanda, Tom, and most of all, Sunset wouldn't need to find the same support soon.

The moment was ruined when cries of anger and anguish suddenly erupted from the main room. Everyone turned as one to look at the door in confusion. The night ponies started stirring from their seats quickly to confront whatever the cause of the distress was.

Tonya waved a wing at them. "Let me go check. There are no sounds of fighting. I'll be right back."

She went out into the lobby and found everyone from the patrons to the staff huddled around the televisions as a special news report broadcast on all of them. Most of the night ponies were crying, and even some of the humans. Many of them looked angry, in addition to crying.

As she turned her attention to the news report, her breath caught. She then sat down and brought both forehooves up to her muzzle in shock as she heard the report. Tears fell from her eyes as she let off her lament.








Jessie's mom was asleep, and her dad was getting ready to go to bed. They wanted her to go to bed as well, but she convinced them to let her stay up for a little while longer with Robby and her grandmare. It had been a long day, but she and her brother were eager to talk with one another. Her grandmare had assured her dad that she'd be asleep by midnight.

Her grandmare was in the new nursery room. Jessie had been in there just a few minutes ago, and there wasn't much to do there. Her grandmare had been curled up with a book on the floor while Dusk lay sleeping in the crib. If Dusk woke at all over the night, Grandmare Nocte would take care of whatever needs he had and see he fell back to sleep. Jessie and Robby were told to keep away from the nursery and keep the noise down. If they made a noise that a human could easily hear, Jessie was going right to bed.

She and her brother were out in the living room. The television was playing some older movies from before there were ponies and with the volume down extremely low, but high enough they could hear if they paid attention. Jessie never knew why they played so many older movies all the time. It just seemed strange watching a world where there were no ponies. They were watching an old superhero movie, and that felt weird because some of the superpowers didn't seem that impressive.

As a female super-villain started to monologue, Jessie twitched her ear. "Her voice sounds familiar." She said in a whisper.

"That's Bronze Glamor, the actress that played Daring Do, or at least this is what she looked like when she was a human," Robby explained in a whisper back.

Jessie tilted her head to stare at the actress, but try as she might, she couldn't see the resemblance. "You sure?"

"I'm sure, I read it on the internet," Robby replied. "She played Mane-iac in the Power Ponies movie too."

"That doesn't seem right, Daring Do and Mane-iac don't look anything alike--or this villain," Jessie asserted.

"Um, it isn't that hard to dye fur, manes, and tails anymore. They have special dyes for that, and there are different dyes humans use for their hair along with makeup. You can hide wings and horns, or CGI them on. It's kind of what actors do," Robby explained. She'd have to take his word for it; she never really paid attention to these things before.

"So, what's wrong with you?" Robby asked.

She blinked and turned to look at him. "Why do you think something's wrong?"

"Because you're my little sister, and I can tell," Robby explained, then laid back his ears. "Is someone picking on you again?"

She sighed and shook her head. "No. Mom and I were fighting."

Robby raised both eyebrows. "About what?"

She crossed her forelegs in front of her and slumped backward with a frown. "Her thinking that she isn't as good because she isn't a pony."

"What?" Robby said in shock, then lowered his voice before he could get in trouble. "I didn't know she thought that."

She gave her brother a doubting look. "You're way older than me. How did you not know? I noticed, and I'm six and a half, what's your excuse?"

"You are in a mood if you're being so snide," Robby said as he lowered his ears. "I don't get to spend as much time with Mom as you do. You're lucky; you get to be awake at the same time as her. I spend so much more time with Rosetta; she’s like my second mom."

That idea surprised her. She was learning all kinds of things about her family today. "But you take after Mom more than I do. You both are good at art."

Her brother gave her a sad look. "I do my best to try to do as much as I can with her when I do get to spend time with her. I don't see her at all except for a few hours every night before I have to spend the night with Rosetta or Grandmare Nocte, except a little more in the summer when school is out, and lately, she's been too tired to do much of anything with me. It doesn't feel fair sometimes."

Jessie sat and tried to consider this. She never realized how much Robby's nocturnal nature impacted his relationship with the rest of the family. Their dad got to spend more time with Robby than anyone else, because their dad worked from home. Their mom was at work when Robby was available in the mornings. Their mom had said things weren't as hard with dealing with Robby, but Jessie suddenly wondered if that was a lie.

"Do you think Mom gets jealous?" Jessie asked.

Robby looked confused. "Jealous of who?"

Jessie shrugged. "Everyone. Jealous of me because I can bond so easily with you even though I don't get much more time with you than she does. Jealous of you because you can do the same for me. Jealous of Ms. Rosetta because she thinks you love Ms. Rosetta more."

"I don't love Rosetta more," Robby protested. "Mom will always be my mom, and nothing will change that, but Rosetta all but raised me, and she deserves my love too. No one deserves more or gets more love; I love them both."

"Maybe Mom feels like Ms. Rosetta replaced her since Ms. Rosetta is a pony," Jessie responded, not liking the implication, but finding she could believe it after their fight earlier.

"That's a stupid idea," Robby scoffed.

Jessie flicked her tail. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

Robby looked down at her, and his ears fell. "No, you're the smartest person I know. I just don't want you to be right."

Jessie bowed her head. "Me neither."

Robby glanced back at the hallway. "I know you've got your own problems with getting along with Mom. She has a hard time dealing with your super magical smarts."

Her tail whipped around in more annoyance. "There's nothing magic about me being smart."

Robby laughed. "Egghead, you're smart, but I think you're trying to fool yourself. No one is as smart as you at your age without something helping."

"You're mature for your age," Jessie countered.

"Night ponies learn and develop while we sleep, so we mature a little faster. Even the demons are more on par with foals two or three years older than them. You don't have that," Robby explained.

"Doesn't mean I’m smart because of magic," Jessie replied as she laid back her ears.

Robby got down from the couch and looked at her. "Okay, now's my chance to school you for once. You know you were born prematurely by months, right?"

Jessie nodded slowly, not sure where this was going.

"And you've read about premature babies too, right?"

She frowned. "More about foal development, not human development."

"Alright, so this is going to be new information to you," Robby said before taking a deep breath. "Egghead, premature babies that are as premature as you were have underdeveloped brains. You shouldn't be smart; you should be retarded."

"That's a mean thing to call someone," Jessie said quickly, trying to avoid the implications that her brother had just given, but unable to stop herself from thinking about them.

"You get the idea, though," Robby continued. "I think because the magic had to work so hard to fix your brain, it didn’t know when to stop and gave you superintelligence. Jessie, you're super smart because ETS made you that way. You wouldn't have been this smart as a human."

She hopped down from the couch and glared at her brother. "I'm going to my room and getting ready for bed."

"You don't need to get upset about--"

"I'm not upset," she said through gritted teeth. "You're just wrong. I’m not special because I’m a pony."

"I never said--"

"Good night!" She said harshly before storming off to her room.

She closed her door most of the way, so it had just enough of a crack for her to pull open. Robby was wrong. There was nothing magic about intelligence. She might want to have her magic work, but her intelligence was something independent of magic; it was all her. She would have been just as smart as a human. Maybe it might not have happened that way with her being premature, but if she had gone full term, it would. The fact that she was smart could not be the result of being changed...could it?

These were things she didn't want to think about right now. Why was she getting into all these arguments lately anyway? She never got mad at anyone, but today she couldn't help getting mad over and over. It wasn't fair.

A distraction was needed. She went to her reading desk and pulled open Frankenstein to start reading again. She was behind on her reading anyway. Focusing on schoolwork was what she needed to do right now.

Reading on through midnight, she finished reading through chapters fifteen through seventeen of Frankenstein. When she set her book aside, she wept, because she couldn't help but feel a certain kinship to the monster of that story. She might not be hideous and ugly, but she was a thing apart from others, a thing that was made, a mere construct of magic formed from the broken parts of another being.

Climbing into bed, she cried into her pillow. Her intelligence was the side effect of a magical spell, and she couldn't find a sufficient reason to deny it. In realizing that she didn't know if she should be grateful or angry, but for right now, she felt like she had lost something dear.

Her tears were brought to an abrupt end as Robby and her grandmare both let off shouts of dismay.









Sand, that was all there was for as far as she could see with her eyes—sand dunes and the star-filled sky above. Sand was not all that she could see, though, as she was not just looking with her eyes. Her earth pony magic went deep into the Earth, deeper than she had ever delved her magic before. Her connection to the earth revealed the secrets of what lay below the sand. The minerals, long-buried fossils, remains of long-forgotten paths and dried riverbeds, and further below that, the strata of the Earth's crust. There was so much more in the Sahara than sand.

Eyes lied.

At her command, the magma of the Earth's crust moved upwards, and she joined together rock and stone to give it a path. She would reveal what lay below the surface. She would dispel the illusion. She would bring fresh volcanic soil to wash over the sands. She was Wild Growth, and she would see that this land was fertile. Plants once bloomed here, she felt the evidence of them below the surface, and they would bloom again.

Her power made what lay beneath break through the surface, but it was not a volcano that rose from the sands, but a great statue that burst to the surface with a titanic quake. The statue was covered with green grasses that made up a fake coat of fur and thick bushes of purple leaves that made up the mane and tail. She could smell the vegetation, like fresh-cut spring grass mixed with azaleas. The features were her spitting image, right down to the darker grasses detailing her tree cutie mark on her flank. It towered high above her, at least fifty feet high, and had its gaze fixed upon the ground below.

Without warning, the statue moved, shaking its head as a great horn sprouted from the forehead. Rearing back with a terrifyingly loud whinny, a set of wings unfurled outwards from its withers with a mighty flap that created a sandstorm that forced her to close her eyes from the painfully stinging grains of sand.

The storm that had sprung up died almost as quickly as it came, and Wild opened up her eyes, seeing the changed form of the statue standing neutrally upon the sand. The horn looked like a mass of vines curled tightly together in a spiral, and the feathers of the wings like great palm leaves and were spread wide to the sides. Her shock quickly gave way to a deep frown. This was a dream, but this was no dream of hers; she could sense someone else at work.

"Does what lies below the surface surprise you?" a voice asked from behind her.

She turned to see what looked like a dragon-shaped pony with pearly white scales. There was kindness and gentleness in that face, and there was a power the likes she hadn't felt even when she had encountered Luna.

The dragon padded casually across the sands to stand next to her, looking up at the statue with an unreadable expression. “Like these lands, you are far more than what you seem.”

"Who are you? Are you a Dreamwarden?" Wild asked the dream specter.

The being shook her head. "No, I am not one of their kind, and I fear that my name is far too long and difficult for you to pronounce. You may call me Triss, and I've been watching you, among others."

Wild immediately recognized the name, and the level of power she felt from this being was confirmation that it wasn't lying. Thanks to Phobia's warnings, this visit had been expected for some time, and she knew what the subject matter would be. Having a Dreamwarden for a sister-in-law, she didn't feel incredibly intimidated to have such a cosmically powerful being in her dream. It took a lot of the fear and wonder out of such things. There was going to be a very disappointed dragon after this, though.

She looked back at the alicorn statue of herself and then turned around to Triss. "I have no interest in becoming an alicorn if that's what you're here for. I am powerful enough as it is."

"Did you not struggle today with sustained use of your power?" Triss questioned. "It’s simplistic to think only in terms of power. Raw strength is, after all, not what makes an alicorn special.  Don't you wish to have the power to not tire, to use what you have most efficiently, and to have a form capable of matching your convictions? Mortal shoulders can only carry so much weight for so long."

"I don't need to carry all that weight myself," Wild asserted. "It’s not for me to make the world a better place alone."

A scale above Triss's eye arched as if an eyebrow. "Yet you attempt to do so, trying to carry their burdens yourself all the same. You know their burdens are heavy, even with you helping. You could help so much more so they could accomplish much more themselves."

"I could inspire others that are strong to help as well," she countered. "There are people that look up to me because I'm mortal like them."

"And don't Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and Twilight Sparkle help inspire too? Are they not even greater inspirations than you?"

Wild narrowed her eyes. "And are feared as well. I've heard about you, Triss. I know what happened long ago where a whole world was so scared of others' power that they did the unthinkable as a result. Phobia has talked to me about it too and given a detail not well known--that your existence was the straw that broke the camel's back and put them over the edge. Never again, Triss. I won't be that straw here."

The dragon-like creature looked down at her as if she were an impertinent foal. "You speak of things you cannot possibly understand. The Dreamwardens have a bias against me and sow dissent against me— just as he did back then. Ask them what involvement the Dreamwarden had in those affairs. Please listen--."

"Get out of my dream," Wild ordered.

"Please, you make a mistake in trusting them. They are preying upon your familiarity. They would do whatever they can to stop anyone from ascending because of their hatred for immortality, even their own."

"The slut said get out of her fucking dream, you scaly junk peddler!" A deep male voice boomed.

A form appeared in a sudden eruption of flame and continued to burn after appearing. A massive floating seapony followed next to him, and was followed in turn by a stag and a great black cloud. Last to join were a grey minotaur and the walking skeleton of a night pony. The full squad had come out to deal with this, given that it was Triss, that made sense.

Triss looked out at the Dreamwardens, and her eyes lingered for a moment longer on the skeletal form of the Warden of Death before turning her eyes back to the immolated speaker. "I'm breaking none of your laws, what words do you fear me speaking so much that all of you must appear?"

"The slut said get out of her dream, yet somehow you're still here," Ghadab said in a snide voice. "You seem to have failed to understand the dreamer's order. Let me clarify things for you--daughter of junk merchants--get out of this dream or Sha’am will be free to do as she pleases to you."

The dragon flared her wings momentarily and puffed up her chest. "There is nothing wrong with being a junk merchant or being the daughter of such."

"I never said that there was," Ghadab responded in an amused tone. "I was just describing you in the most fitting way I can. For such a high and mighty being, you seem so bothered by words. I see it as a compliment; that one of such humble beginnings rose to such heights. Now you have till the count of five, or you'll be dealing with Sha'am, and that would go badly for you. We let you wander as you please here--against our better judgment, but when a dreamer orders you to leave their dream, you will obey."

"This is completely unnecessary," Triss said again.

"Five..."

"I am not some miscreant and should not be treated like one."

"Four..."

“You should show me respect, as your forebear would not do,” Triss now looked worriedly towards Sha'am, who sat unmoving where she had first arrived.

"Three..."

Triss frowned at the Dreamwardens. "If she won't listen to me, then perhaps she truly isn't as ready as I thought, but I'll find one that will."

"Two..."

Triss vanished.

Wild turned to Ghadab. "Thank you for getting her to leave, but I don't like being called slut repeatedly."

The fires extinguished around Ghadab, revealing that his fur color was a close match to the sand that they stood upon, and he had a dark blood red mane. 

He gave a tired sigh. "So many are angered by words," Ghadab said as he walked over to her. "Anger over it is beneath you. You're the most powerful earth pony in the world, yet you let words you don't like to have power over you."

Wild's frown deepened. "Are you just saying I should let people insult me and not say anything about it?"

"Actually, I think you should just own the word and take its power away," Ghadab said as he sat down beside her. "You sleep with many ponies, so they call you slut. Are you ashamed that you sleep with so many?"

"No," she said as she glanced warily at him sitting beside her. The others had not left either, but had gathered some distance away, watching and talking silently. Why were they all still here?

"Then why do you feel like the word carries such insult?" Ghadab asked.

"Because they intend it as an insult," she replied as she laid her ears back.

"And so you give them power over you, and have you hiding in a corner over words," Ghadab asserted. "How powerful they are to make the great Wild Growth run and hide."

Was he dense? “It’s foalish to think words can’t hurt. If they spread too far, they'll think of me just as a rich slut and nothing else."

"Why should you care if you don't think it a bad thing?" Ghadab questioned with a raised eyebrow. "You can tell them it doesn't matter what you do. Trying to hide that you do it just implies you feel guilt. Are you being honest with yourself? Is it you who don't wish to look down upon yourself?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Not that I don’t want to hear how much of a slut I am repeated for the rest of the night, but you aren't typically the Dreamwarden I expect to have a sit down with ponies giving advice."

Ghadab's ears and shoulders sagged as he looked out in the distance. "Today is a unique day, and going forward, I intend to be more active in trying to help in these ways." He turned back to her. "And do not think I didn’t notice you changing the subject away from yourself."

She blinked. What was special about today? Ghadab seemed somewhat subdued, and wasn't being vulgar. She didn't have much experience with him since she wasn't a night pony, but from what she heard described, this was not his typical character.

What was more, she couldn't help thinking about whether she did feel guilt. If she was feeling shame, that implied she did think she was doing something wrong.

"Perhaps, I feel a little shame," she admitted as she looked away.

"Ah," Ghadab said and waited for her to continue.

She took a deep breath. "Am I a bad pony for doing it? My drive, it's unbearable at times. I've tried to just...you know." She made a rubbing gesture towards her private area. "It just isn't enough. I keep standards for who I do it with. I don't just go sleeping with anyone."

"Yet you feel guilty," Ghadab clarified.

"I don't understand it," she said as she shook her head.

"Try switching perspectives. What would others say if it weren't you doing this, but instead a rich man or stallion?"

She considered this for a moment and held her head low as realization sank in. "If I were a stallion or human man, they'd call me a womanizer, that I use my power and position to attract people to my bed."

"That you use ponies for your pleasure," Ghadab supplied.

She shook her head, trying to deny it, but knowing deep down, it was true. She couldn't deny it, and she started to cry. "I'm supposed to be one of the good guys. I'm supposed to be the one that helps everyone, but I'm selfish. I make use of them for my needs."

"And so the one calling you slut is not those others, but you," Ghadab concluded knowingly.

She cried some more and then gritted her teeth as she looked at him. "Are you doing something to me? I'm getting emotional quicker than I should."

"I'm letting your anger flow," Ghadab confessed without shame. "I will stop if you wish."

"I'm crying and upset, not angry," she said as she shook her head.

"Righteous anger is not all blind rage, but the reaction to seeing wrong being done. You see that you are possibly doing wrong, and you are angry at yourself."

"You aren't very good at making people feel better," she accused.

"Sometimes, you need to feel worse before you can feel better," the Warden of Anger replied in a calm voice. "How can you fight injustice if you are apathetic to it? You see you are doing wrong; you should not be left apathetic to it. You must get angry, angry enough to make a change."

"How?" She demanded in a heated voice. "You heard me; I don't know how to sate my drive. My sister suggested I go to Yinyu about it. Is that what I should just do?"

"It is one option," Ghadab answered, not looking at her but staring off at the stars in the distance.

"And what other options do I have?" She pressed, feeling her anger rise.

Ghadab turned back to her. "I do not know. That is not an area I have expertise in. I will say that my whore sister does have such expertise and can give better advice, but remember, you may not need to have some magical thing done to you since help can come in many forms. You recognize you have a problem, and you feel anger at yourself for what you have done. Now channel that anger into action, and in time you'll find a solution. Your apathy to the situation and reliance of an easy solution is at an end, that is a good start."

She raised an eyebrow at that. "So, you're saying I shouldn't go to Yinyu?"

Ghadab looked over at the seapony in the distance. "I'm saying my whore sister is one of many options to seek solutions from, and that you should consider your options rather than simply going with the first one offered. The whore might be the best option. That is for you to decide."

"Why do you call Yinyu a whore all the time?" Wild asked as she heard the vulgar insult Ghadab gave Yinyu.

Ghadab continued to stare at the seapony in the distance. "Because that's what she is. She sells her body for money. She knows what she is and feels no shame in it, so my word for her causes no insult--she chooses to own the word, and it has no power over her. If I say she will work her marehole on anything, she takes it as a compliment. About the only insult I could level against her would be to imply she is bad at what she does, which I highly doubt is true."

"Still seems rude to me," Wild muttered.

Ghadab chuckled. "Let my whore sister choose what she takes offense to. Anger over words is often pointless anger. Yinyu has good anger over many things that are so much more important than words. She is a good and caring mare who doesn't let apathy touch her. She is much like you, wanting to fix the problems of others all by herself."

"Do you really think of the Dreamwardens like your family?" She asked. "I notice some of you refer to one another as brothers and sisters; I've even heard Phobia doing it sometimes."

Ghadab nodded. "We know each other well, better than any other beings could know one another." His gaze fixed on Sha'am. "We don't always get along or agree, but what family does? We still love one another, even when some of us are difficult to love."

Wild followed his gaze. "I take it Sha'am Maut is a difficult sister to have?"

"You understate the matter greatly," Ghadab said with a chuckle. "Few can anger any of us like our eldest sister, she is the mother of all bitches, and it is righteous anger."

Wild could only imagine, given what she'd heard and seen of Sha'am. Having an undead psychopath for a sister had to be rough. "My older sister and I are always at each other's throats too."

"Then you understand," Ghadab said sympathetically. "You don't love her any less because of your disagreements, but you wish you could buck her to the moon sometimes--or better yet the sun or some black hole." His expression turned sad. "Her time left with us is short, though, so very short. Before the year is out, she'll be gone forever, and I should value her company in her last days."

Wild looked on in shock. "Before the end of the year? Why is she--"

Ghadab shook his head as a tear fell from his eye. "I do not wish to speak of it, not now."

She buried her curiosity for the moment. There would doubtlessly be some big announcement whenever it happened.

To tell the truth, she was finding that talking to the Warden of Anger pony to pony made her feel a certain kinship with him. He saw injustice in the world and wanted to correct it, just like her. He struggled with fighting with his older sister, and it went without saying he was powerful. He wasn't the pony she imagined him to be, and despite his tendency to hurl around crude insults, she still found him surprisingly attractive in a different way than she found most stallions.

"What about your other family?" She asked with curiosity. Now that she had time actually to talk to him, she found herself wanting to know more about this stallion.

Ghadab looked stricken, and she instantly felt terrible for asking the question. "I am disowned, merely for being a pony. You no doubt know how ponies are viewed in my part of the world."

Wild nodded. The Middle East and North Africa were not the best places for ponies. The negotiating to allow her even to set hoof in Algeria, much less work on the project there, had been long and grueling. It had ultimately come down to paying vast sums of money to the Algerian government and plenty of reassurances that she would not go out in public in any of the major cities. Most ponies there were living in small settlements well away from civilization.

Ghadab continued. "When I was still human, I was one of ten siblings, and not given much attention. I was a writer, and I used my pen to try to confront the injustices I saw around the Arab world. I wasn't one of much note, and that left me safely ignored for the most part."

"What inspired you to do that?" Wild asked.

Ghadab smiled. "When I was a young man, there were American movies that were made in my homeland. It was a popular location to use for many movie sets. I saw heroic deeds played out and was inspired to read them in addition to watching films. I read about great heroes fighting insurmountable odds--like in the Lord of the Rings. I wanted to be a hero, too, in my own way."

Wild got up and turned to look at the Warden in astonishment. "You're a Lord of the Rings nerd?"

“I am quite the Hobbit fan,” Ghadab grinned at her and changed his entire inflection. "There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after."

Wild blinked. "Not what I expected from a stallion from your part of the world whose main thing is anger."

His expression shifted to amusement. "Is it so strange? Psychic is but a mental health counselor. Phobia, you know, intends to do the same as our American brother. Yinyu is a whore. Krik spends his waking time painting and gardening, and was a soldier as a human. Sha'am was just a haggard old bitch on her deathbed. We were never the elite, or powerful; we were just common people who were given uncommon power."

"It's just hard to imagine," Wild said as she looked at the rest of the group finally breaking their silent vigil and moved towards them.

"Who were you before being the strongest pony on Earth?" Ghadab questioned as his eyes, too, locked on the approaching Dreamwardens. "Our origins should never be forgotten, but they do not determine our destinies."

The other Dreamwardens all came up in front of them, and as one, dropped their more elaborate forms in favor of their night pony forms--all except Sha'am, who instead took the form of a much younger mare, Yinyu or Phobia's age. The Warden of Death gestured, and a wooden bowl full of fruit appeared right in front of Ghadab. The Warden of Anger looked down at the fruit and started to weep.

"Destiny is not always what you wish it to be, though," the stallion said in a whisper.

Sha'am looked up at Ghadab with a sad expression. "It is time, brother."

Wild looked around worriedly. "What's going on?”

"I thought I could be a great hero," he said slowly as a piece of fruit vanished from the bowl. "You'd think one as powerful as a Dreamwarden could hold off any foe. I tried so hard to keep them safe. It was like trying to hold back the sands."

More fruit started rapidly disappearing from the bowl, and the other Dreamwardens began to cry as well, even Sha'am's eyes were filled with tears.

"I failed," Ghadab wept. "Even with all my anger and drive to fight, it all fell short."

More fruit vanished, and Ghadab lifted his head and let off a long wail. It was musical in nature, though it had no words, and it conveyed without words pure anguish as fruit continued to vanish. Wild stood back, confused, and afraid. The other Dreamwardens lent their voices in a chorus of Ghadab's, a great wordless song of lament.

The dream distorted and wavered, but still, the song continued on as fruit vanished. The distortion fluxed and rose with the song's notes. As the fruit disappeared, Wild saw some stars in the sky vanish in turn. At long last, there was but one piece of fruit left as the song came to a close.

The Warden of Death reached down into the bowl with her wings and gently cradled the small red fruit as if it were the most delicate thing in the world. The other Dreamwardens, other than Ghadab, reached their wings forward to touch the fruit, cocooning it within their wings. They all looked to Ghadab.

"You shall not die alone, brother. We are here for you," Sha'am said in a whisper as she looked the Warden of Anger in the face with a tender expression. "For what it is worth, I'm sorry your fool's errand failed."

Ghadab shook his head as he tried to choke out a reply, but he was too overcome to say anything.

This fruit did not simply vanish. From within its blanket of wings, it shimmered and transformed into a thousand tiny lights as Wild felt Ghadab's power surge. The lights evaporated out of the collective embrace of the Dreamwardens and dispersed all about. She could feel Ghadab's power now was a match to the power to Sha'am's, but despite this, he still wept. The other five all turned, and as one embraced him, crying together.

Wild stood back from the group as she realized what she had just witnessed. She then bowed her head and cried as well--not simply in sorrow, but also with anger at the injustice of it all.