Playing House

by Krickis

27 – Broken Home

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What the hell was she supposed to do with this? It was the question that had been on Sunset’s mind for weeks, and it was in full force today. Sunset sat on her couch and wondered just what the hell she was supposed to do.

That wasn’t exactly true. Sunset knew what was expected of her, but fuck that. How was she supposed to just sit back and let the person who had become the most important part of her life just walk out of it?

She couldn’t.

She wouldn’t.

But what choice did she have? Fluttershy had made her decision, and there wasn’t anything Sunset could do about it.

‘Well that's not entirely true either…’ Sunset knew better. Even all these years later, she was still Sunset Shimmer. Fire given solid form. She could bend the world to her will, and she didn’t need magic to do it! Making Fluttershy change her mind wouldn’t even be a challenge.

‘No.’ That's how she used to be, but not who she was. The old Sunset could say just the right things to make Fluttershy do the things she wanted her to do. She’d already have a plan If she just let herself think of one.

 Instead, she pushed that voice down. It would mean losing Fluttershy, she knew that. But that was better than forcing her to stay with someone she was trying to put behind her. Someone who was so bad for her, that she would consider manipulating her just so they would stay together.

There was a knock on the door, and there was no doubt who it was. The only surprise was realizing it stung to hear. It was just a knock, nothing too bad yet, but it already hurt. Fluttershy still had a key, but instead of letting herself in, she knocked on the door.

Sunset stood up and answered it. As expected, Fluttershy had her eyes focused on the ground while Rainbow had her arms folded, glaring at Sunset.

“You can drop the death glare,” I say, calling attention to it just because Fluttershy wouldn’t like the look Rainbow’s giving me. “I’m not going to do anything.”

Of course, Rainbow can’t resist a challenge, and she glares harder. “Just don’t want you getting any funny ideas.”

I sigh. Admitting defeat here will make Fluttershy take my side instead of hers. “Yeah, fair. But…” I turn my attention to Fluttershy instead. “I’m sorry, Shy. I really am. I get why you’re doing this, but…”

“Save it.” Rainbow plays right into my plan, eager to jump into the space caused by the hesitation that she doesn’t know I left just for her. “I heard about what happened. You lost all rights to talk like that when you threw that glass at Fluttershy.”

“It wasn’t…” I stop, clearly biting my tongue. Rainbow will think I’m unable to come up with a good excuse. Fluttershy will see the real reason.

“That’s enough, Rainbow.” Fluttershy looks at me for the first time. “I… I’m so sorry, Sunny… I just…”

I ignore Rainbow’s glare to step forward and hug Fluttershy. I can win her over with compassion and support. “It’s okay. I understand.”

She cries on me, and we leave Rainbow to get the boxes of Fluttershy’s stuff, which she does eagerly. She thinks she’s just hurrying things along, and never suspects that she’s giving us the alone time I need us to have.

We don’t even need to talk. By the time Rainbow’s ready to go, Fluttershy is already torn. Rainbow makes another mean comment about me, which only furthers Fluttershy’s desire to side with me instead of her.

She still leaves with Rainbow, but it doesn’t matter. The seeds of doubt have firmly taken hold, and she’ll change her mind within a few weeks.

But none of that happened. Rainbow glared at Sunset, who in turn just stepped out of the way so the others could enter. “All of Fluttershy’s stuff is boxed up.”

Everything was out in the living room, where Sunset had taken the liberty to gather it for them. That had been hard, but she didn’t want this meeting to go any longer than it needed to. She left the bedroom door open as an invitation for them to double check for any of Fluttershy’s other stuff, just in case.

As for Sunset herself, she sat on the couch and left them to it. She had a beer from earlier, which she sipped on while the others moved about. Neither of them asked her to help, which was good; it had been hard enough to get everything into boxes, actively helping Fluttershy walk out of her life was a step too far.

It didn’t take too many trips. Fluttershy hadn’t brought many possessions from Stormy Skies’s house, and they had never had much money to buy her too much else.

Everything went smoothly – which is to say, no one needed to talk to each other until the end. “What about your dresser?” Rainbow asked.

That would probably be too heavy for the two of them to move on their own, so Sunset was forced to reassess what constituted ‘a step too far’. No matter how much she didn’t want to help, if they genuinely needed her, she would.

She was saved by Fluttershy saying, “We can leave it. There’s already one in the spare bedroom, and it would be hard to get it up the stairs anyway.”

That was the first time Sunset had heard Fluttershy’s voice in weeks. She frowned and took a sip of her beer.

“So do either of you want a drink before heading out?” I ask.

Rainbow gives me an incredulous look. “I don’t think this is really the time for that.”

That’s fine though, I don’t really want to share my booze with her anyway.

“Uhm…” Fluttershy feels guilty for accepting, but she’d never refuse. “Maybe just one.”

I get up and go to the kitchen, but I don’t get her a beer. I pour a glass of her favorite wine instead. On second thought, I pour two. I ignore Rainbow’s irritation on the way back into the living room, and I hand Fluttershy her drink.

I sit on the couch, and Fluttershy follows. If I asked, she’d claim it’s because there aren’t many other places to sit, but neither of us would really believe it.

We’re both reminded of so many painful memories. So many times we sat together drinking like this. Of course, we both think about a certain argument that ended with broken glass and a one-way trip to Rainbow’s house.

It hurts, but If there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that it’s always easier to hurt together. Soon Fluttershy scoots closer. Just a little. But then I do as well, and before either of us know it, we’re cuddled together while Rainbow fumes over the fact that she can’t do anything about it.

“You know…” I say as we drink. “I still love you.”

Fluttershy bows her head, but she answers all the same. “I… I still love you too…”

Sunset just sipped her beer silently.

Fluttershy poked her head into the bedroom and looked around. When she came back out, she stared down at the floor and spoke directly to it. “Uhm… I can’t find my guitar…”

Sunset had wondered if that would come up. She took another drink of beer before answering.

“Yeah, I… I actually sent it out for someone to do a custom paint job on it.”

“Really?” Rainbow doesn’t sound convinced.

“It was…” I pause, forcing in a little awkwardness. “It’s supposed to be a Hearth’s Warming present.”

“Oh.” Fluttershy’s hand goes up to her mouth. Of course, I could have said Christmas. But Hearth’s Warming was a deliberate choice; It reminds her how much she was looking forward to sharing each other’s holidays, and that no one else will ever be able to share that with her.

But more importantly, it reminds her of Sky. We were going to raise her with a connection to both cultures, including Hearth’s Warming. It’s a reminder that this is something we should get through together. A memory of a life that we were building. Something that was beautiful and perfect and ours.

It reminds her that she’s losing more than just me. She’s losing us, and everything that goes with that.

“I broke it.”

“You what!?” Rainbow asked.

“What do you mean?” Fluttershy asked.

Sunset winced, realizing those were the first words she’s specifically spoken to her now ex-girlfriend. A dozen alternate paths played through her head, different things she could say and the likely outcomes, but she pushed them away.

It didn’t matter. Even if Sunset could convince Fluttershy to stay with her, that was something she would never let herself do. It was better to remind Fluttershy who she was, remind her why she had wanted to break up.

“I stepped on it. Not on purpose or anything, I just wasn’t paying attention and… yeah, it’s completely trashed. I’m sorry.”

“You better be planning on replacing it,” Rainbow demanded.

“Let’s go, Dash.”

It was exactly the kind of reaction Sunset had wanted, but it still hurt. Hell, even if Fluttershy had been angry, it would’ve been better. But no, there had simply been one thing connecting them, and now there wasn’t. So it was time to go.

“Yeah, alright.” Rainbow cast one last glare at Sunset, then walked out the door.

Fluttershy followed behind, but she lingered in the doorway. “Sunset?” She sounded unsure and bowed her head. Her next attempt sounded much more natural. “Sunny…?”

The name cut through her more than anything else had so far, but she held herself together. “Yeah?”

“We tried, you know? We really… gave it our best.  So… so there’s nothing to… feel bad about.”

They tried. They tried, and they failed. What was there to possibly feel bad for? Sunset wished Fluttershy would at least look at her; it would be much easier to accept her words if she did. “Do you really believe that?”

Fluttershy was quiet for a while, and when she did speak, it wasn’t an answer. “I’ll call.”

Sunset wasn’t sure if she believed that either, but where would arguing get her? They’d already done more than enough of that. “Alright. Take care of yourself.”

“You too.”

And that was all. The door closed behind Fluttershy, who hadn’t even managed to look Sunset in the eyes once.

Sunset remained where she was until she finished her beer, then she stood up. She wondered why she didn’t feel more sad. It wasn’t like she felt happy or anything, but she also couldn’t quite feel upset. When it came down to it, all she really felt was numb.

Numb wasn’t so bad. She could get through this if all she was going to feel was numb. The best thing to do would be to just keep this going for as long as she could, since no matter how little she felt, she knew once she did start feeling something, it was not going to be anything good.

It was with this in mind that she made for the kitchen. She didn’t feel anything as she opened the fridge, nor did she feel anything as she pulled out the wine bottle.

She didn’t bother getting a glass. It wasn’t really a ‘drink from a glass’ kind of day, after all. She twisted the top off the wine, then drank it straight from the bottle.

It was Fluttershy’s favorite, and Sunset didn’t feel anything at all.

Sunset wasn’t numb anymore. But she wasn’t sad either. Upset was closer, but still not quite the right word. Because when it came down to it, there was really only one way to describe how Sunset was feeling.

Sunset was pissed.

No other words could quite sum up the range of emotions she felt. Upset or angry just didn’t cut it, enraged was perhaps too direct. No, Sunset was pissed, and that was all there was to it.

It wasn’t fair. After everything she had done for Fluttershy, how could she just walk out of her life? She hadn’t even had the guts to look Sunset in the eye. Not to mention that Sunset never did get the chance to talk about the last fight.

‘We bring out the worst in each other.’ That was what Fluttershy’s last text message had said when she decided to call it over. Because she decided. It didn’t matter that Sunset felt like her life mattered for the first time when they were together. It didn’t matter that Fluttershy was growing more comfortable standing up for herself, all due to Sunset’s influence.

No, Fluttershy decided that they brought out the worst in each other, which meant fuck everything else. Fluttershy got to decide they should separate, and Sunset was expected to sit all alone and just be okay with that.

Fuck that. Sunset had done too much for Fluttershy to be treated this way. She ought to call Fluttershy right now and demand to talk about how bullshit this was.

She got as far as pulling out her phone, but she was stopped by the picture on her lockscreen. It was of her and Fluttershy showing off their tattoos together, and both of them were beaming happily.

It was clear how much they loved each other in that picture. It was also a strong reminder that there were a lot of good times mixed in with the bad. But it was more than that. Sunset reached a hand to her shoulder, where three butterflies were permanently inked into her skin. That was supposed to put an end to all their fighting, a constant reminder of how much they meant to each other. Instead, it only felt like it brought more.

Sunset was drunk, but not so much that she had forgotten how poorly her drunk decisions had worked for her in the past. And this call to Fluttershy? She didn’t need the gift of hindsight to tell that this was a regret waiting to happen.

Even so, someone needed to hear about this bullshit. Fittingly, Applejack was the first number in her contacts and just as she was her first choice when she wanted to talk about something. But she would want to get Sunset to see what things had been her own fault, and Sunset had enough reasons to feel like shit without adding a lecture on top of it.

Scrolling through the names, Flash Sentry’s was next to stand out. They were well past the point where being exes would be awkward, but he was too good. Like Applejack. He’d want to try to solve things instead of just listen to her vent.

Pinkie’s name came up next. She wouldn’t do anything to make Sunset feel bad, but unfortunately, that worked the other way too: Sunset just couldn’t be angry when talking to Pinkie Pie.

Next was Shy and then Rainbow, whom Sunset just scrolled past without considering, followed by Rarity. She would always be the perfect person to call and talk drama with, but it was the middle of the night there. No matter when Sunset called, it was always the middle of the fucking night, because France didn’t have other times or something.

As she continued scrolling through her contacts, she had to smile at one. Wouldn’t it be hilarious to call Twilight about this? They had barely talked for ages, and suddenly Sunset would call drunk to complain about Fluttershy. The poor girl wouldn’t have any idea how to handle that, it would be a blast!

Hell, maybe something good would even come out of it. Everyone seemed to think that Sunset and Twilight were bound to hookup someday, and Sunset was single now…

“Hey, Twilight, it’s been a while.” I keep the drunkenness from my voice effortlessly. Because I’m me and I just kick ass.

“Sunset? What’s going on?”

“Broke up with Fluttershy, so uh, wanna hang out?” God I’m so smooth.

“Sunset, what are you…”

“Listen.” It’s kind of cute how she plays dumb, but we should just cut to the chase. “I know, Twi. All those afternoon study sessions. The way you looked at me when I would date other girls. I know, so let’s just get to what we both want.”

“Sunset, I… I’m not even the Twilight you want to talk to. Besides, I wouldn’t say yes to you even if this wasn’t a daydream. Get help.”

Sunset was left blinking. Harsh, but fair. She frowned at her phone and exited her contacts.

Still, she wanted to tell someone about this shit, and daydream Twilight had a point – so what if none of her friends in this world were options, she had a whole other world within arms reach.

Sunset took another swig of wine, then pulled out the journal. She opened to the first blank page, then took a moment to compose herself. At least Twilight wouldn’t be able to see her, but that didn’t mean she could just do whatever. Her alicorn friend could be quite oblivious, but even she would figure out Sunset was drunk if she wasn’t careful.

Sunset held her pen as steadily as she could, taking time to form each letter perfectly.

‘Dear Twilight, you won’t even believe the day I’m having. F Morning Breeze broke up with me, and’

Sunset wasn’t sure ‘and’ what. Did she really want to sit here and bash Fluttershy just because they weren’t together anymore? Probably not. But then why had she written to Twilight in the first place?

She’d have to figure out quick because words were appearing.

‘I’m so sorry to hear that. What happened?’ There was a brief pause before it continued with, ‘If you want to talk about it, that is.’

Sunset drummed her fingers on the table, wondering what she’d get from this. Deep down, she already knew the answer. ‘We were fighting a lot. After a really bad fight, she decided she’d had enough. She said we bring out the worst in each other.’

‘Oh, you poor thing. I can even see how upset you are in your writing.’

Right, how upset she was. Sunset took another swig of wine, wondering if she was about to look even more ‘upset’. It turned out to be a bad idea, as she dripped a little on the book.

‘Sunset, are you crying?’

Great, that was just what she needed. Sunset frowned and set the bottle down out of the way, then tried to cover herself as best she could.

‘I’ll be okay, it’s just going to be awkward for a little while.’

‘You’re so strong… I don’t know how you do it.’

Sunset smiled. At least Twilight knew to stroke her ego. ‘Let’s just talk about something else. What have you been up to today? Hearing about your day always helps me feel better.’

‘Oh well, I haven’t done too much today. I made sure to get heavier diets started for animals that are going to be hibernating this winter. I know it’s barely fall, but it’s important that they start storing up fat early.’

Sunset loved how cute they were together. No matter how things were going in her own love life, it always made her happy to hear things were going well for Twilight and Fluttershy. ‘I bet Fluttershy really appreciates the help.’

‘Oh.’ There was a moment’s pause before more words appeared. ‘I’m sorry, I thought I already said. This is Fluttershy.’

Sunset blinked down at the page. She was talking to Fluttershy? That made everything so much more awkward.

Only… did it? She was going through something awful with one Fluttershy, but that didn’t matter for this one. They shared the same name, that was all. Well… they shared a lot more than that, but they were still each their own person. Pony. Whatever.

‘Oh haha, I should have asked.’

‘Do you want me to go get Twilight? She’s not busy with anything important.’

Sunset thought for a moment. She had wanted to talk to Twilight. But… did it really matter? ‘No need to. But I would like to talk more if you feel like it.’

‘I’d love to!’

Since Sunset didn’t want to talk about ‘Morning Breeze’, they found other things to talk about. Fluttershy told her that ponies were already practicing for the Running of the Leaves, even though it was an end of fall tradition. It wasn’t something they did in Canterlot, so that gave them quite a bit to talk about. It was nice to hear about day-to-day life in Equestria from a fresh perspective.

They must have talked for hours, and the whole time, Sunset never touched her wine bottle once.

“Sunny, dinner’s ready.”

Fluttershy’s voice barely registered, but the answer was still automatic. “Be right there, Shy.”

She didn’t even look up from the journal. When looking back on that night later, that would always be the one thing that stood out to Sunset. Why hadn’t she just put away the journal and gone to eat with Fluttershy? She wasn’t even talking about anything important, just some random conversation about nothing of consequence with Twilight.

But she didn’t look up. It wasn’t an actual decision, talking with Twilight didn’t take precedence over eating with Fluttershy. It was just that talking with Twilight was what she happened to be doing, and she just didn’t think beyond that.

Which was why she didn’t even look up. If she had, things might have been different. Because if she had just turned her head a bit, she would have seen Fluttershy waiting for her. She would have seen the way that her girlfriend kept her eyes on her, waiting to see how long it would take Sunset to just look up from the god damn book.

“Sunny?” That was it. That was the last moment of possible redemption. Fluttershy had tried just once more to get Sunset to step away from the journal and spend time with her. “Your dinner’s going to get cold.”

But Sunset was laughing at something Twilight said. Some dumb joke, she couldn’t even remember it later. It wasn’t that she hadn’t heard Fluttershy, she just had to get another message in first. She just had to let the conversation get to a stopping point before she went to the kitchen.

“Alright, just a minute.”

One minute wasn’t a long time. Sixty seconds. Barely noticeable most of the time. But this time, those sixty seconds were an eternity, because in every one of them, Sunset chose to talk to Twilight instead of Fluttershy.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

The seconds ticked on.

Did Fluttershy wait all sixty of them? Sunset never knew, she was already gone by the time she finally left the book. In fairness, it had taken more than sixty seconds, because when was one more minute ever one minute long?

By the time Sunset made her way into the kitchen, Fluttershy was mostly done with her meal. She didn’t say anything, not at first. She waited until Sunset spoke.

“Smells good,” Sunset said as she served herself some of the lasagna Fluttershy had made.

“So how’s Twilight?” Fluttershy asked irritably. “Or was it the other Fluttershy today?”

It was her tone, of course. The question was innocuous enough, but it was sharpened into a weapon before being flung at Sunset. Still, Sunset was used to that by now. She was worn thin by the constant accusations, but she was used to them. “Twilight. She’s good.”

“Good. I’m glad.” Fluttershy didn’t sound glad. “I’d ask you to send her my regards, but well…”

Sunset gritted her teeth. “She does know you live with me, you know.”

“Of course. Well then, after dinner, tell her your roommate says hi.”

Sunset opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine. “That’s not fair. You know how complicated the situation is.”

“Right. Of course.”

So much for a nice dinner. It was no wonder Sunset preferred to spend her free time talking in the journal these days.

It was almost, she later reflected, as if she had chosen Twilight over Fluttershy.

She poured herself a glass of wine, took a long drink, then topped it off. She replaced the cap on the wine and put it back in the fridge.

Sunset still didn’t sit down. Instead, she leaned against the fridge and took a bite of her food while standing up. It had started to get cold. “Look, do you want me to tell her? Because if that’s what this is about, then fine, I’ll fucking tell her. Just don’t blame me when it blows up.”

“That’s not what this is about,” Fluttershy said.

“Then fucking what is it? Because I don’t get this constant attitude!”

Fluttershy whipped around and glared at her. “Yeah, because why should I care that my girlfriend is off talking to some other girls?”

Sunset shook her head. “Seriously? This is the jealous girlfriend thing?”

“No!”

“Then what. The fuck. Is it!?”

“Just tell me already!” Fluttershy rose to her feet. “Just say it. You’d rather be with Twilight. Or maybe it’s the other Fluttershy, I don’t even know anymore. They both make you happier than I do.”

“How is that not the jealous girlfriend thing!?”

“I don’t know!” Fluttershy’s fingers tightened around her wine glass. “That’s not a fucking answer though!”

“No, okay!?” Sunset shook her head, dumbfounded that she even had to say this. “No, they don’t make me happier. They’re just friends, and I don’t want to date either of them. I want to date you!”

“I sure don’t seem to make you happy anymore.”

“Right now? Not exactly. But you know, I still love you.”

“Doesn’t feel like it…”

Sunset frowned. “How could you say that? After everything we’ve been through, you can not possibly think I don’t love you.”

“I just want you to be here more!”

“What are you talking about? I am here!”

“No, you’re not!” Fluttershy slammed her hand on the table. “You spend so much time out, I don’t even know where you are after work most days. Then when you’re home, you’re still not here, you’re back in Equestria with that damn book!”

“Yeah, and where are you? Off sulking somewhere, usually. Pro tip, you can also be the one to start things, you don’t have to wait for me to say ‘let’s do something’.”

Fluttershy laughed. “You think I haven’t tried? You never even notice me when I try to get us to do something together these days.”

“Please, I do so notice you.”

“Oh, then you actively ignore me?”

“What? No!”

Fluttershy drained the last of her wine. “Which is it, Sunny? Because you sure as hell don’t listen to me.”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about!”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You don’t even listen to me!”

“Bullshit!” Sunset stepped forward. “You just want to put the blame on me, like always.”

“I’m done talking about this.”

“No. No! You can’t just decide when we’re done talking about something because you don’t like what I have to say!”

“Sunset, I’m serious.”

“Me too. Because every time this happens, you pin the blame on me, then you don’t want to talk about it anymore, and I’m fucking sick of it!”

“Drop it, Sunset!”

“We need to talk about this, Fluttershy. You can’t keep doing this!”

In an instant, everything shattered. One second, Sunset was angry. The next, if only briefly, she was afraid. The glass broke right next to her head, and her own plate and glass fell out of her hands onto the floor.

It took another second to piece the shards of what had just happened together. Fluttershy was looking at her furiously, but that too only lasted a second. A second later, her hand was over her mouth. She looked at the broken glass with as much horror as if Sunset had been the one to throw it at her.

Fluttershy ran out of the room, and Sunset was left looking dumbfounded at the mess. Fluttershy had thrown her glass at the wall. At the wall, not at Sunset. That’s what she had to believe, Fluttershy hadn’t missed, she had simply never aimed for Sunset in the first place.

One glass at the wall, and another slipped from Sunset’s hands onto the floor. Two glasses and a dinner plate now lay in pieces. That was what Sunset could understand. That was all Sunset could understand.

From somewhere, Sunset heard crying. She knew she should go after Fluttershy, but when she looked at the broken glass, she couldn’t. It had come so close, her head was right next to where the glass had flown through the air.

Sunset finally took a seat at the table, letting her head fall into her hands. What had just happened? How had Fluttershy of all people gotten pushed so far that she’d done something like this? How had Sunset let her get to that point?

Nothing made sense, but Fluttershy was crying. Sunset couldn’t sit back and do nothing while that happened. But she couldn’t go to check on her, she couldn’t manage to leave her seat.

Instead, she fished her phone out of her pocket. She scrolled through her contacts until she found Rainbow Dash, then tapped call.

“Hey, Sunset,” Rainbow said. She didn’t exactly sound happy to hear from Sunset, but she never did these days.

“Rainbow, I…” Sunset looked at the broken glass. “Fluttershy needs a friend right now.”

There was a moment’s pause. “And… you’re the one calling me about that? This is new…”

“Yeah, I… Could you just come get her? She needs to be with someone other than me right now.”

“Jesus, Sunset, how bad did you screw up?”

“Bad. I…” Sunset took a breath and managed to proceed more calmly. “I threw a glass.”

“You did what!?”

“Look, just… get here.”

Sunset hung up the phone, not wanting to hear any more. She still couldn’t bring herself to go after Fluttershy, so she let her head fall to the table as she waited for Rainbow.

‘Am I supposed to be at work right now?’

It had been hours since Sunset had stopped writing to Fluttershy. It was a good talk. She’d even forgotten how miserable she’d been for some of it.

But it was over, and there was no forgetting things now. Memories of that last argument crashed through her head, always pointing out every little thing she could have done differently, always reminding her that this was all her own fault.

‘Fuck it, I don’t care. They’ll be alright without me. Or maybe they’ll fire me and I won’t have to deal with their bullshit anymore.’

It wasn’t like she had a lot of reason to keep going to work. She didn’t have a family that needed her. She didn’t even have a girlfriend anymore.

Sunset took another swig of wine. At least she had that. One thing she could always count on, no matter how bad everything else got. And besides, it was Fluttershy’s favorite.