//------------------------------// // The Perilous Problem // Story: The Poorly-Planned Pink Pony Protector // by Nebbie //------------------------------// "Uh, well...the fillies just had a uh...sudden invisibility party to go to. You know how it is, you turn invisible, you want to celebrate before it wears off, heheh...heheh..." Pinkie said with sweat dripping down her face. "Oh really? Well I know one pony who might just got a sudden liar party to get to, and it involves my leg going into her face. So, where again are those three?" asked Applejack sternly. Pinkie gulped as she put out a bucket to catch more sweat, which filled up so soon she had to get two more within seconds. "Allow me, Applejack," Rarity said as she wiped some mud off her face and came forward. "Pinkie, darling, if you don't provide us with the whereabouts of those three fillies, I'm afraid we'll simply have to punish you in their place. Where are they?" she asked, meeting Pinkie's gaze with a glare that melted Inner Pinkie's tungsten parasol. Pinkie pulled a paper bag out of her mane and began to breathe into it rapidly. However, a moment later, Dash came forward and popped the bag with a nearby tack, then grabbed Pinkie by the mane and brought her snout to snout. "PINKIE!" she shouted simply. "Alright! Alright! They're inside of me!" Pinkie said as inner Pinkie hit an abort button on operation deception. Rainbow dropped her as the three stared, confused. "Um, Pinkie, darling, what?" the fashionista asked, her aggressive demeanor completely flattened. "I kind of...absorbed them..." Pinkie said with a somewhat flat mane. Rainbow flew around the counter and began to poke at Pinkie's belly, then buttcheeks, complete with under-the-tail inspection. "You...you digested them already! Pinkie...I didn't even get to say goodbye to that squirt...how could you..." Rainbow said with tears starting to form as the other two stared in shock. "What? No no, I didn't eat them, I'm sure I could do it, but I'm not some crazy cannibal like my great aunt Pony Pot Pie, Dashie, they're in my tail!" Pinkie said. "Um...run that by me again, sugarcube?" queried Applejack. "It has infinite storage and uh, they're inside it. Hey give it a yank, maybe they'll come out!" Pinkie said with an overly-excited smirk. Rarity sighed and pulled. As with before, a short fart and confetti blew out an object, this time a lifesize painted wooden carving of Fluttershy striking a pose. Rarity's eye twitched as she backed up from the sight. Rainbow started to crack up as Applejack put a hoof around Rarity. Pinkie was the first to giggle. "See! Not them, but useful if you're ever in a statue decoration emergency. The randomness makes it fun!" she said. Rarity stepped forward and pressed her hoof to Pinkie's barrel. "Pinkie, a lot of things are fun, and my sister being trapped in your body while y-you...break wind to do impossible things without so much as an 'excuse me' is not one of them!" the white unicorn explained, barely avoiding shouting. Pinkie's mane almost fully flattened as her inner Pinkie tried to reconcile a square "Rarity" peg and a round "fun" hole. "Sorry, Rarity, look, I think I can get them out, just give me a moment..." she said as she hopped to the other side of the counter. Rarity nodded and stepped back. To her horror, Pinkie then squatted and started straining, looking like she was defecating. Soon, a loud fart erupted. "Woopsie, that wasn't them..." she said before resuming. Rainbow giggled a little, earning a glare from Applejack. Pinkie farted profusely for nearly half a minute as Rarity slowly lost composure, but all that came out was wind. "Aah...well, I feel a lot better now, but I didn't get them out. At least this time it smells like cotton candy," the pink pony said with a slight smile. Rarity, now wide-eyed, took a slight sniff. "I can't bear this...this horror! Ponies were not meant to experience this!" she said as she collapsed onto Applejack's side, earning an eyeroll from the farmer pony. "Consarnit, first the CMC ruin our picnic and now this. I swear, if another thousand-year-old wannabe shows up next, I'm gettin' out the axe, cause I ain't in no dang mood!" exclaimed Applejack as she tried to wipe away the mix of mud and paint where Rarity was against her. "What did they do, anyways? You three seem awfully keen on punishment! Did they break a Pinkie promise while they ruined your picnic?" asked Pinkie. Rainbow sighed as she sat down in one of the few spots not covered in paint or mud. "They were doing some stupid cutie mark stunt and it got us covered in...in this!" exclaimed Rainbow. "I might've told 'em to try paintin' the barn and they came up with some fancy contraption that only painted us...Rarity took cover near some mud and got splattered even worse by it. I promised 'em I'd spank those flanks 'til they were redder than any barn ever was!" said Applejack with a motion of her hoofs to show she meant business. Pinkie envisioned Apple Bloom having a rear end looking like an apple, which would definitely win some beauty pageants, but would probably need a very expensive cream to not hurt all day, and Pinkie realized this would be her fate if she didn't do something. "Oh...um, well maybe if we just-" Pinkie said, rubbing her chin with a hoof as Inner Pinkie drew up blueprints in crayon and a plunger showed up in the pony's free hoof. "DARLING NO!" shouted Rarity as she swatted it away, before taking a moment to breathe. "As soon as we are cleaned off, we are going to Twilight and she will find an answer and you will not talk or do anything without our permission, do you understand me?!" she practically shouted. Inner Pinkie showed calculations concluding angry Rarity could easily kill Maud with a teacup in close combat, and Pinkie gulped, then did a silent Pinkie Promise as her tail did a weird sort of spin. In the gravityless void, a sputter could be heard as Scootaloo breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Sweetie's eye twitched as she realized just how much ponies took gravity for granted when they used the toilet.