//------------------------------// // The First Nightmare part 4 // Story: Kitchen Nightmares: Equestrian Misadventures // by Spettro138 //------------------------------// Blunder after blunder has made Gordon Ramsay and Twilight Sparkle's visit to Zesty Gourmand's restaurant not only disappointing but also potentially dangerous as the Princess and her son Spike nearly choked on one of the dishes that they were served. On top of all of that, rumors from the servers working at the restaurant are circulating of staff members that are being threatened by Zesty Gourmand herself to remain silent. Chef Ramsey and his royal companions are beyond disappointed with the food that they have been served and are in dire need of an explanation. "Can you come on into the kitchen Lemon Drop, my darling? You three follow me as well, this might be educational for you. Cause I feel like after all of this I'm gonna start knockin' some heads in, I swear to fuckin God." Twilight, Rarity, and Spike all got up out of their seats with annoyed looks and all agreed that it would be a good idea to get to the bottom of all of the problems. "Absolutely chef," Twilight replied "This is ridiculous." "And I'm still hungry too!" Spike whined. "Oh, believe me, my boy, I am too and I get a little cranky when I'm hungry," Gordon admitted. "If we don't eat anything properly here by the time night comes, I'll be sure to personally make you something yummy Spikey," Rarity offered as she nuzzled the tiny drake. "I'll probably help you!" Gordon added. "I think we could all use a palette cleanser after all of this." Gordon leads his group straight into the kitchen to meet the head chef and his inept team that prepared their substandard dishes. The first thing that he was at least satisfied with was that the interior of Zesty Gourmand's kitchen appeared to be as clean as their dining room. Gordon found most of Zesty's staff there except their server Senko. Twilight gave all of them a deadly glare, thinking at first of saying something but reserved that honor for Chef Ramsay "Uhhh, I really don't know where I should start with all of this," Gordon admitted. "Our experience at lunch was absolutely dreadful. Plus, there was nothing authentic about the food you served, and I'm struggling here. The biggest kick in the balls for me was not only the food you served almost killed my royal companions here, you managed to burn one of the dishes, and you also managed to somehow include fucking frozen clams in one of my meals. Those things nearly broke my damn teeth when I crunched on them. Why are you all serving frozen clams?" The entire kitchen staff except for the sous chef Slap Chop who was not paying attention at all, as she played around with the spoons and the soup ladles. That only made things worse for them as Rarity chimed in with her own glare that could kill. 'Twilight and dear Spikey almost died and this hussy is fooling around?' Rarity thought angrily. "Now, I need to know here, because the menu specifically stated that everything here is fresh, I'm only going on what you and your restaurant here told me." "W-We doesn't sell enough clams for me to have them every week," Flambe Briquette tried to explain. "So then what's the most important thing to do about that dish if that keeps happening?" Gordon asked incredulously. Flambe began nervously playing with his hooves as the pressure on him began to grow. "Take it off the menu," Flambe replied under his breath. "Sorry? Come on, speak up, we need to hear it!" Gordon barked. "Take it off the menu!" "Yes, take it off the menu. So why haven't you?" Gordon snapped at the large unicorn. Flambe nervously looked off towards the door to the dining room where a pair of disapproving eyes was gazing through the glass. "Sh-She doesn't want to take it off the menu chef," he replied. "She? Who is she?" Rarity asked angrily as she got in Flambe's face. "What excuse do you have to keep substandard food like this in a restaurant like this that should be for the Canterlot Elite?" "Took the words right out of my mouth Miss Rarity," Gordon agreed. "My moth- I mean Miss Gourmand." Twilight immediately caught what he was about to say and intended to discuss that little detail with Gordon later in private. "Why would she do that?" Gordon asked. "Maybe we can't afford to make new menus I don't know, he replied. At that comment, Zesty waltzed back into the kitchen with her chest puffed out intending to interject herself into the situation. "I make it my goal to not allow frozen food into my eatery or on the menu, I assure you, Chef Ramsay," Zesty stated. "Stop! Just Stop!" he snapped. "I make it my goal to not allow frozen food on the menu, did you really just say that?" "Yes, I did say that." "And yet, they are frozen!" Rarity added in. "I had the same dreadful thing happen in my dish as well!" Zesty struggling to control her temper, stuck her chin up in the air in a sanctimonious way. "Then him as a chef, it is his responsibility to inform me whether or not there are tainted and frozen foods in my restaurant, is it not?" "I did tell you," Flambe grumbled under his breath. "Him as a chef?" "Why yes! Just as Miss Rarity here as an....adequate fashion designer must learn to keep her nose out of the culinary world." 'I'm not entirely sure about much of what's going on here, but I can already tell that I really don't like this Zesty Gourmand very much' Spike thought. 'Cause I'm about a few seconds away from decking her pretty little face'. "But I DID tell you," Flambe tried to reply. "WHY IN THE HELL IS IT STILL ON?" Gordon asked. Everybody in the kitchen remained silent, afraid of what the response might be if they answered until the sous chef chimed in with an annoyed voice. "It still on because there's a constant circle of miscommunication and fighting like a married couple between Briquette and Gourmand, and by the time the week passes, things like that tend to stay on the menu," Slap Chop explained tiredly as she leaned up against a nearby warmer in an uncaring fashion. Gordon looked at all of them with a disappointed and disbelieving look that made all of them uncomfortable. The look from Rarity was even worse as the death glare she gave Zesty made her step back a few steps. "I do not know what it is, thinking that you can just buy a restaurant literally after failing your job of being a food critic." Gordon wondered out loud. "Your fundamentals are just all screwed up. And the issues you have here are pretty darn big! From making sure your food isn't burnt to proper seasoning and taste testing. You've got more of a chance of winning the lottery than you do becoming a success here, I'll tell you that much. Without another word, Gordon walked out of the kitchen with Twilight, Rarity, and Spike, following suit. Going back into the dining room and out the front door, the group left the restaurant to recoup and prepare for their return later in the evening for the restaurant's dinner service. To say the least, Rarity in particular was not pleased in the least that she would have to come with them again to the restaurant. "It has been quite a pleasure working with you Gordon, but I'm afraid I must take a wee break before I go back into THAT place," Rarity said venomously as she gestured to Zesty Gourmand's restaurant. "Oh, I can understand that," Gordon replied. "Take all the time you need." "Can we get something actually good to eat now?" Spike whined. "I think that nasty food back in there made me even hungrier than before." Twilight smiled and patted Spike on the head. "Sure Spike we can do that," Twilight agreed. "To be honest, I'm feeling a little peckish myself." "Make that four of us," Gordon replied dryly. "You wouldn't happen to know a restaurant around here that actually has some common sense do you?" Rarity put her hoof on her chin for a brief moment before smiling and giving him a nod. "I know just the restaurant Gordon. Senko's mother amusingly enough owns the most adorable Neighponese place just around the corner. Ichiraku Ramen I believe it is called." "Well lead the way then Rarity, I'm famished," Twilight replied. "That sounds pretty good right now." Later that afternoon... Gordon, Twilight, and Spike began their walk back to Zesty Gourmand's restaurant to observe how they carried themselves during dinner service and what may or may not have to be done to improve their performance. This time, however, Rarity decided to begin going back to the castle where the diplomatic proceedings with the White Tail Woodland Kingdom were occurring. Applejack as it turned out needed a break from her tasks as well and requested to take Rarity's place in their group. Before they left back to complete their respective tasks, however, Rarity took it upon herself to quickly dress them all in formal attire as they began making their way back to Restaurant Row. Gordon slipped into his clean white chef uniform while Twilight and Applejack each donned beautiful sparkling dinner gowns, one red for Applejack and one midnight blue for Twilight. Rarity took the most pride however in dressing Spike as when his turn came, she grabbed him with her magic and pulled him into a changing room at a boutique near the castle. In her spare time, before they came to Canterlot, Rarity had made a special tuxedo for Spike which she quickly slipped the little drake into. "Hey, at least it isn't like those massive gala dresses she forced you to wear a few weeks ago Applejack," Twilight giggled. "Yeah, you looked like a giant poofy flower with a grumpy face," Spike snickered. "You don't look any better, "my little penguin", Twilight teased poking him in the shoulder. Spike began to turn as red as a fire truck as he remembered the new pet name Rarity gave him only a few minutes ago. "Well, I can't deny that. At the very least I don't feel restricted in this thing," she replied. "So you said we are going to this bad restaurant or something? What did you need me for?" "Well, other than the fact you have experience working with food and handling employees," Twilight started. "Rarity thought you should "have a taste of Canterlot's Restaurant Row". "Any help is welcome Miss Applejack. Plus, I figured that I might start a new system with my show as long as I'm in Equestria. Have at least two to three members of your royalty accompany me so we can find out what exactly is plaguing your food and hospitality businesses. That might lead us to why and how your country's food supply is being poisoned." Back at Zesty Gourmand's, after hearing that the Princess and one of Canterlot's best fashionistas had come, many of the ponies on the Row had decided to give it a fair shot considering how two members of royalty found it well enough to grace it with their presence. Unfortunately for the restaurant in question, things were about to look even worse as Gordon, Twilight, Spike, and Applejack when they came back to the kitchen to observe just how bad the staff work with each other. "Alrighty then, just give me a quick run-through of your process," Gordon requested. "How does the linework here?" "Well, I try to stay on my side, Slap Chop stays on her side and she is supposed to try not to step on my hooves, literally and metaphorically." "Not to mention that we cant give him tickets," Slap Chop added as she shuffled a stack of something in her magic. "Give those to me, why can't we get tickets here?" Gordon asked. "Cause these are all we got that's why," Slap Chop sassed back. After glaring at the Sous Chef, Gordon grabbed out of her magical grasp what appeared to be a stack of scrap paper with the orders written down on them. "So you just use bits of paper and crap like that?" "Yeah, we use bits of paper and crap like that." 'I'm not at the point where I want to slug this mare yet, but I don't want to get to that point either,' Gordon thought to himself. "That's nuts! How are you able to stay organized and know what has been ordered properly if you don't have a ticket system?" Spike asked. The girls and Gordon all turned and looked down at the small drake with raised eyebrows. "What? I've watched Pinkie at work along with Miss Fur Frou at our cafe back in Ponyville. I picked up on a few things." "Well, I'm glad you pay attention to somepony at least," Twilight teased. Gordon went on to inspect how they cooked their seafood into their dishes as he watched one of the other cooks prepare a recipe. Almost immediately, he noticed that something was wrong as he spotted what appeared to be a tall plastic container of shrimp. "Can you show me those shrimp please?" The cook hesitated for a moment but agreed as he levitated the vat over to Gordon allowing him to inspect the container. Not liking the smell, Gordon cautiously grabbed one of the shrimp out of the liquid-filled vat and smelled it, being immediately confused. "What the hell? Where do you get these? How do you prepare these?" "Um, I think those are....defrosted in hot water," the cook said meekly. "So they were frozen then?" Gordon asked rhetorically. The chef simply nodded back at the man. "Just asking, thank you." The cook seemed to want to follow Gordon as he went around the kitchen inspecting its overall quality. Twilight and Applejack stayed behind in the dining room to talk to guests and local press at the restaurant as best as they could while Spike stayed close beside Gordon to learn as much as he could. Spike noticed that Applejack slipped back into her "proper" Manehatten accent to appear more presentable. Soon enough, Gordon found something suspicious in one of the sinks that were used in the kitchen. It was filled with a disgusting red liquid that appeared to be from the seafood that they prepared many of their signature dishes with. "Fuck, what the hell is that?" Gordon exclaimed. "Clam juice I think." the cook said. "So you defrost and soak your fish too in a washbasin that's filled with slime and fish blood? And then you prep it next to what appears to be cooked prawns?" "That looks really disgusting," Spike commented. "Even to me, and I smell my own feet." Gordon went back into the dining room where Zesty Gourmand herself was conversing with a few of the noble ponies that took the liberty to come and dine at her restaurant that evening. Twilight and Rarity were on the opposite end politely conversing with some of the members of Canterlot's middle class. Gordon discreetly called Zesty back over where he intended to get to the bottom of the latest development that he had just discovered back in the kitchen. "To be honest Ms. Gourmand, I am not really seeing much of what you tried to portray on the menu and what you claimed to me earlier in person, you know about the fresh ingredients and the understanding of good food. Not to mention that a lot of the seafood that you are bringing in is super damn frozen." Gordon began. "I assure you that I always try to buy fresh ingredients to include in my dishes." she insisted. "Anyone caught serving frozen food is dealt with harshly." "Well, I'm telling you that I just found a bag of frozen fish, clams, mussels, and other various seafood articles. Come with me and I'll show you. Gordon walked back into the kitchen with Zesty Gourmand in tow where he found the cook that had answered a few of his questions. The cook clarified to Zesty that the seafood was indeed frozen which Gordon even further proved by walking with her to the washbasin that he found the disgusting slime, blood, and grime mix. "The seafood is not fresh, it's frozen, and you seem to be defrosting it in the sink here. You told me all of these seemingly wonderful things about your restaurant here when we first met. You told me about your freshness and your fresh ingredients. That's what you told me that is what you stand for." "I-ahem, assure you, Chef Ramsay, I did not know of this," Zesty replied with a barely veiled hint of anger. "The ponies that have been doing this will be dealt with." "All I can say to all of this fucking crap is that you may be telling me one thing," Gordon said in a patronizing tone. "But you are telling me the other! Something is not right in this restaurant." After feeling extremely misled by Zesty Gourmand about the freshness of the food, Gordon and Spike decided to inspect the storage rooms of the restaurant, starting with the basement where their freezer was located. As soon as they opened the door, the appearance of everything drastically changed. The stairway was covered in dust and grime from neglect. "Jeez, this place is a complete mess," Spike said as he pinched his nose closed. "Twilight would have kittens and gut me if she ever saw the house this dirty "No kidding," Gordon agreed. "Even especially with how clean most all of the rooms back up there were. The near spotless dining room was the first thing that caught my attention when I first walked into this restaurant. It's like complete night and day." At the bottom of the stairs, they come into contact with two large freezers. One that stands upright and one that lays out horizontally to allow for more storage and freezer space for much larger food articles. Gordon quickly proceeded to inspect the one that lay flat on the ground to take a good look at the damages that he was dealing with. He opened the freezer and found a large number of bins filled with various kinds of seafood. He then went to the upright freezer and pulled out bags of even more kinds of seafood. "How much crab does one restaurant need?" Spike asked clearly bewildered. "I like eating it with Twilight well enough when the curtains are closed but not enough to eat this much of it!" "And look at that there," Gordon said as he pulled out one of the bags. "That must be calamari and it's frozen up to fuckin high heaven." He pulled out another bag and found a large stack of frozen mussels on the bottom shelf of the freezer, no doubt the clams and mussels that they had been fed in their previous dishes. Intending to get to the bottom of this latest development, Gordon went back up the stairs and called over Zesty Gourmand to allow her to explain what he found and what reasons she had to keep it that way. Needless to say, Zesty was not pleased with all from having to step into a stairway and a room that was absolutely covered in filth. "Why must I come down to this horrid place?" Zesty asked indignantly. "You cannot handle things on your own?" "Oh shove it, Gourmand," Gordon snapped. He pulled out the numerous tubs and bags of seafood that filled both freezers to the brim and dropped them right in front of Zesty Gourmand's feet with a thud. "You keep telling me that you get things in fresh and yet I come down here and find God knows how many bags and tubs of seafood in here that are fucking frozen to the damn bone!" "We get everything in fresh Chef Ramsay," Zesty growled. "And then you freeze it to send it all back out to your customers as food," he stated. "Why should anybody wait for shit like this? You are crazy! Why are you in so much denial right now?' "This room is not my responsibility heathen," she said with malice. "I have more than enough responsibilities, so I shouldn't have to disgrace myself as to come down here and touch even a single inch of this filthy place." "Who in Celestia's fault is that?" Spike muttered rhetorically. "How could you not know all of this?" Gordon asked in disbelief. "I am not as experienced in the restaurant business as I was in the critic business Chef Ramsay," she pathetically tried to say in her defense. "Even one as great as I cannot see everything." "If you are making all of these grand statements about your restaurant about the authenticity and the freshness, you don't need years or even days of experience with this sort of thing! You should know everything that goes on in every room, fridge, and sink." "Are you implying that all of this is my fault?" Gourmand asked venomously. "That's exactly what we are telling you, sweetheart," Spike dryly commented under his breath so that they couldn't hear. "Well if all of this isn't your fault, who's fault is it then?" "I am not the head chef, why don't you stop wasting my time and bring my bumbling head chef down here and explain all of this?" Zesty asked. "Well then let's do that!" Gordon stated angrily. Gordon tried going back upstairs to get Flambe Briquette to explain what is happening since Zesty Gourmand herself was unable to do so. Unfortunately for him, Flambe was also unable to provide adequate answers for Gordon either. All Zesty did was repeat the same excuses over and over again, all the while sounding more impatient by the second. Flambe just stood there beside Gourmand quietly looking forlorn as he vaguely appeared to be afraid of her. "I have told you once and I will tell you again Mr. Ramsay. I always make sure that I buy the freshest ingredients on the market. I've even stuped to bribing the food delivery ponies. It's been positively a nightmare for me to keep up with everything." "You keep telling me all of these things about how you prepare all of this freshly and I fucking believed you, sitting there like an idiot!" Gordon began You are running a business endorsing all of this shitty tasting food that is frozen as fuck and you have the nerve to serve all of this to your customers!" "There actually is a reason why we do this...." Flambe muttered. Zesty gave the colt a daggered glare as if she was daring him to say the next few words. "What? What reason or excuse could all of you possibly have to allow all of this insanity to happen?" "Well...the boss here has is what's called a Supertaster," he explained. "She has a condition- "THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH OUT OF YOU FLAMBE! NOW GET BACK TO YOUR DUTIES BEFORE I LOSE MY TEMPER!" Zesty growled. Flambe ran back up the stairs while Gordon just sat there, dumbfounded. 'Perhaps discussing strategy with Twilight might be prudent while trying to deal with this mare," he thought. "This whole thing is just astonishing!" he exclaimed. : Miscommunication, neglect of food, abuse of employees! This is stupidity and negligence at its finest! And especially the biggest fuck up that I've encountered so far, your batshit stupid employees are defrosting the frozen food in hot water!!! You could kill ponies with food like that! It's almost like you want to cause a plague in this city!" Without another word, Gordon walked back up the steps to the main floor and back into the dining room where he decided it would be a good idea to sit down with his three companions and discuss the next step of their plan to attempt to turn the restaurant around for the better. "I'll tell you one thing, Mr. Interviewer," Flambe started. "My.....moth, I mean boss may have most other people convinced that I am the bad guy when it comes to the decisions that happen around here about the restaurant but with Chef Gordon Ramsay here, I really hope he helps me root out all of the lies that Ms. Gourmand has been telling about all of us." Next Time: End of the First Nightmare