//------------------------------//
// Frenemies 
// Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 
// by StormLuna 
//------------------------------//

Dear Grogar, 

Look, we're sorry we couldn't get your damn bell but the place where Gusty hid it is impossible to get to.  It took everything and then some to get up that mountain but the entrance was sealed by some freaky magic.  If your magic is so damn strong why don't you just go get it yourself?  You pulled Tirek and Cozy Glow out of Tartarus so pulling that bell out of that cave should be nothing for you. 

Not Upset We Failed to Get your Fucking Bell, 

The Legion of Doom 

Mr. Grogar, had you just put me in charge, we would have got your stupid bell.  You should have known that Tirek and Chrysalis would fight so much that we'd be doomed to fail.  Just remember, if you need us to do anything again in the future, put me in charge, ok? - Cozy Glow 





To My Worthless Subordinates, 

I sent you on that quest so maybe you'd actually get along for a change but I suppose even a simple mission to retrieve a missing object is too much for you three screw ups to handle.  Guess what, I will retrieve my bell myself and once I have it, no one will be safe from me, especially you three.  Forget me going after those cursed ponies, I'll just punish you instead. 

Your Master and Superior, 

Lord Grogar 

P.S.  Tirek, unless that little winged rat you brought with you stops eating my cupcakes, I'm going to charge you rent, rent you likely can't afford.  So unless you want me to evict you, tell that bratty foal of yours to stay away from my cupcakes. 





Dear Spoiled Rich, 

Look, you are going to have to start paying me foal support so I can keep a roof over Cozy Glow's head.   Now you are to tell nopony this but this powerful goat by the name of Grogar freed us from Tartarus and now we live with him.  However, thanks to our daughter having your appetite and stuffing her face with cupcakes like a damn pig, Grogar has threatened to throw us out unless I start paying rent.   Trust me, if you won't do it willingly, I'll have Grogar come after you and you certainly don't want him coming after you.

Your Ex and Biological Father of the Better Child, 

Lord Tirek

P.S.  So how does it feel knowing your other kid, Diamond Bitch is it, is completely irrelevant?  Filthy must be so embarrassed that his daughter is useless while mine nearly drained all the magic from Equestria.....Cozy really is a chip off the old block, a supervillain like me while Diamond will wind up just like you, easy as pie! 

Oh and as far as where to send the checks, just have that mail mare there deliver them to Tambelon, alright?





Dear Tirek, 

Seriously, you are expecting me to pay up or you'll send this Grogar guy after me?  Please, there is no way in hell that some superpowered goat that got you and Cozy out of Tartarus could force me to pay you foal support.  Can't you just go steal somepony's magic and demand money out of them in exchange for their magic?  And when it comes to Diamond, I know she ain't the brightest bulb in the box and I know she isn't a conniving, manipulative genius like Cozy but then again look at who her father is.  You are Cozy's father while Diamond's father is nothing more than a rich colt who believed I was taking my pills before we got married....that is why Diamond is such a failure.

Fine, I'll find a way to send you foal support but don't be surprised if Derpy or whatever her name is gets suspicious I'm sending mail to some place I've never heard of before. 

Insincerely, 

Spoiled Rich





Cozy, 

I really think you need to know something.  Your mother has kept this from you for quite some time but Filthy Rich is not your father, I am.  There is a reason why you are so smart, you got your smarts from me.  Now don't go calling me daddy around Grogar and Chrysalis because I don't want them knowing I have a foal, alright?  Neither one of them would ever let me live it down that I once loved somepony, especially Chrysalis.  Even though I act like I merely tolerate you, I do love you, alright?

Sincerely, 

Dad





Dear Daddy, 

I always had a feeling you were my father and it looks like I was right!  That is why I look up to you so much.  I always knew that you were better than Filthy and I also always wondered why mom never let me go out in public and had me sent off to Twilight's school in the middle of the night all by myself.  At least now I have a caring parent.  Oh and could you get me a Twilight Sparkle figure to destroy once mommy starts paying foal support?

Love, 

Your Precious Daughter Cozy Glow 





Dear Diamond Tiara, 

It must really suck to be you, huh?  I know at one time you always thought you were the best but in all reality you are worthless.   I am just like my daddy!  I stole so much magic from Equestria and manipulated everypony around me into thinking I was this sweet innocent thing while all you've ever done was be an attention whore, a mindless bully and now that you are nice, you are nothing!  Mommy may love you more but my daddy is better than yours and that is all that matters!  

Your Vastly Superior Half-Sister, 

Cozy Glow





To My Evil Half-Sister, 

Oh yes, you are so much better because some supervillain centaur is your father.  You think you are so much better since you are a conniving little bitch who nearly drained all the magic from Equestria and fooled Princess Twilight into trusting you.  At least I was never kept in the basement for years nor was I shipped off to Twilight's school in the middle of the night.  You may think you are better than me but at least I never got thrown in prison like you did.  Go ahead and think you're better than me but I will be laughing when you and your father are back in Tartarus where you belong. 

The Better Half-Sister, 

Diamond Tiara