//------------------------------//
// 100 
// Story: Songs of the Spheres 
// by GMBlackjack 
//------------------------------//

Hello, readers.

It is not often the narrative backs up, is it? 

Many of you have no idea what this means, having this little experiment nested right between the neat numbers of ninety-nine and one-hundred-and-one. To you, this chapter without a proper title is just another step toward the rapidly approaching end. 

But to those of us in the know, we see it. We see that the future has already happened. That the events of what is to come are set in stone. We may not know exactly what that future is, but we can sense that it is there. The sudden solidification that exists only for today, for today was written after all other days.

If you can consider this a ‘day’. Technically speaking it isn’t, but days in the multiverse are metaphorical under the best of circumstances. 

I hope you get some enjoyment out of this. After all, this is what you wanted. 

You said “let there be insanity,” and then you let the narrative be muddled. 


~~~


“Girls! Girls! Vriska is turning a thousand soon! Party planning day!”

Jotaro, Nova, and a partially-pink flying pony sat still. 

“…Enough, I’m using ‘E’ and so’s the rest of this chapter, We’re not suffering through this!” Pinkie clapped her hooves, ending the curse of the fifthglyph. 

Flutterfree cocked her head to the side. “Er… Pinkie, is something up today?”

“Screwy chapter,” Pinkie explained dismissively. “There’s going to be a lot of seemingly unrelated elements thrown in everywhere and unexpected stuff jumping out from all sides. I’m going to try to not think too hard about it. I just need to put a disclaimer or something up… Hold on…” She pulled a sign out of her mane that read “IF YOU EXPECTED THIS TO MAKE PERFECT SENSE, BOY ARE YOU IN FOR A SURPRISE.” She slapped it on the wall and grinned.

Nova raised an eyebrow. “Pinkie, we’re in a public area of Celestia City, the city’s going to take that down.” 

Pinkie twitched. “Well, it was up long enough for them to read it.” She took out an axe and tore the sign to shreds, leaving the chunks on the ground. “Anyway, back to our inciting incident for the day: Vriska’s thousandth birthday. It’s coming up in a few indeterminate amount of days.”

“Indeterminate?” Jotaro asked.

“I don’t even know, really,” Pinkie admitted with a shrug. “It’s going to be a thousand years from her perspective since the moment she was ectobiologically synthesized – read Homestuck or just accept you’re not going to know what that means – and all I know is that it’s time to prepare the party. There will be a party this chapter, but I have this sneaking suspicion this is going to be a long chapter in more ways than one.”

“So, planning a huge party?” Flutterfree ignored most of Pinkie’s meta-confusion. “Have we ever done a thousandth?”

Pinkie shook her head. “Celestias have, conveniently, celebrated their thousandth birthdays without me in sight. This’ll be the first so it needs to be the best! I’ll be pulling out all the stops, grabbing everyone from everywhere, it’ll be the biggest thing ever!”

“Why are we planning it in a public place like Celestia City?” Jotaro asked. “With her luck she’ll just wander across us. She’s probably already suspicious.”

“So we can get an army of Pinkies in one place.” Pinkie pulled out a megaphone and shouted into it. “HEY, GIRLS, SHOW YOURSELVES!”

A thousand versions of Pinkie poured out into the street – the primary forces of the Pinkie Emporium. They all saluted. “SIR YES SIR! PARTY PLANNING CUTAWAY ENGAGED!”

“Oh for th-”

They were suddenly in a large, open warehouse – surrounded by Pinkies bouncing around everywhere chatting and laughing. 

“Yep, I called in the Pinkie Emporium,” Pinkie said, winking. “I know I mock them a lot but there’s certainly one thing they’re good at: PARTIES. And we’re going to coalesce all the party knowledge together!”

“Also, not all of us are ‘girls’, Prime!” a Bubble Berry called. 

Pinkie frowned. “Ah, yes, ‘Prime’. So boring…”

“It’s a nice name,” Flutterfree said.

“But I’m the Pinkie! They know that! They’re just messing with me!”

“YEEEEP!” Seven Pinkies sang in a chorus, bouncing away with a bouncy castle on their backs. 

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Right. Anyway, I’ve got some other help as well. We’re ponies – of course we’re going to need some help from her homeworld friends. SO BEHOLD, THE SBURB BRIGADE!” All of them focused on the troop of various SBURB players of Earth C and Skaia’s Dream.

“We need a lot of exploding cueballs!” Terezi shouted, jumping onto Pinkie’s back. “And we shall rig them to go off when near her and her only!”

“That’s cruel,” Jade said – only one of them was there at the moment, and it was the one who spent most of her time at the League of Sweetie Belles being dog-like. “We should remind her of the good memories.”

“I could probably get some of those…” John said.

“Egbert, you’ll get erased by the Gallifreyans if you try to go that far back,” Dirk pointed out. 

“Oh. Right. …I have no more ideas.”

“I do,” Roxy said, walking forward with impressive swagger in her step. The back of her Rogue of Void mask twirled in nonexistent wind, and a Carnelian Gem walked at her side. “As Earth C’s resident party planner, may I suggest a theme, o’ Pink one?”

“Go right ahead!” Pinkie grinned.

“Aspects,” Roxy said, pointing at the symbol of Void emblazoned across her chest. “We get outfits of Aspects for everyone who cares, and we’ll all be dressed up in the best of colors.”

“It’ll be a rainbow of Vriska-related awesomeness!” Carnelian added. 

“And we can style the rest of the party after SBURB and other things.” Roxy put her hands on her hips. “We’ll, like, even put in some fake planets, maybe even a subdimension! I can get Carnelian and the rest of her Gem-construction friends to build us the best locale ever! So much yush, am I right?”

“YUSH!” Pinkie declared. “Get on that! Pinkies, we’re going to build an entire subdimension for a party!”

“WOOHOO!”

“How are we going to make all the outfits?” Flutterfree asked. “Only god-tier players can create those outfits, and even then just ones keyed to themselves.”

“That’s where I come in, dear,” Renee said, pushing out of the crowd of excessively pink ponies. “I’m working on making outfits for everyone – with help from my alternates, of course. Roxy asked me to start a few days ago.”

“Pre-emptive strike, huh?” Pinkie gave Roxy a playful smile. “You were ready to play dirty.”

Roxy rolled back on her heels. “Let’s just say I knew you’d say yes.”

“Hmm. Clever…”

Renee rolled her eyes and adjusted her glasses. “Regardless, Flutterfree, since Pinkie can produce her outfit on her own through her powers, I was working on yours.” She levitated a bundled-up set of purple robes out and gave them to Flutterfree. “Here you go, Page of Rage robes altered for a pony’s physique. I got rid of that annoying speedo-thing that’s on it, naturally, not suited for the equine form.”

Flutterfree gingerly stepped into the purple robes and flapped her wings. It felt comfortable, which was pretty much guaranteed for anything Renee ever made, but beyond that it was loose. The short cape somehow didn’t get in the way of her wings, and there was a nice strap for her Bow of Light. She examined the strange swirling symbol of Rage on her chest and smiled. “It fits wonderfully, thanks!” 

“Good! It even matches your colors! Perfect complement! Unlike Corona’s Doom robes which are going to look as ugly as opal’s vomit, but I’ll make do. Somehow.” She shivered. “Or maybe I’ll pass it off to someone else…”

“You look amazing Flutters!” Pinkie said. “Strike a pose!”

Flutterfree took her Bow of Light out and stood on her hind legs, pulling the string back and aiming at a wall of the warehouse. Her short cape billowed along with her flowing pink mane, giving her the appearance of being supercharged with power. 

With a smile, Flutterfree lowered her weapon. “Too bad I don’t use my Rage that much. I’d probably wear it more often.”

Dirk raised an eyebrow – an act just barely visible behind his anime shades. “I’ve been watching you Twelve half-players. Despite being the Page, you’re advancing more than most of your companions.”

“O-oh…” Flutterfree said, seemingly upset by the news. 

“It’s something to be proud of, Flutterfree,” Renee said, putting a hoof on her. “You’re growing.”

“Into Rage?” 

“It’s not literal.”

“Feels like it a lot of the time…” Flutterfree shook her head. “But it is a part of me… Probably shouldn’t hide from it.” 

Nova chuckled. “Definitely not. Just don’t go wearing those robes around, we don’t want to tip Vriska off to this thing.”


~~~


Eve sat on a couch in Flutterfree’s cottage, reading a book. She could have read the book on her data-pad, that certainly would have been more efficient, but it would also have not been a book. For all her love of technology and progress, Eve would always have a soft spot for books. 

“Aaaaaand... behold!” Flutterfree flew down from the shower, taking a dramatic pose on the coffee table. For a moment her mane, tail, and cape flapped as though they were in a raging storm. This, unfortunately, lasted only a split second – the exact split second it took Eve to get to the end of her sentence and look up. 

“Aww, Eve, you missed it!”

“I missed what – hey, are those the Rage robes?” Eve brightened up. “You look beautiful.”

Flutterfree facehooved. “Thanks, but I was supposed to come down here and look all… adventure-y. Wistful. Daring. Or noble or something.”

“Well, I’m here, you have a coffee table runway, what’s wrong with striking some more poses?”

“Absolutely nothing!” Flutterfree declared with a chuckle, standing up on a hind hoof and pointing forward with her wing. “Onward!”

“I can see Lolo helping you with balance.”

Flutterfree had Lolo create a spirograph halo around her head. “Aww, that ruins the fun…” she said, mimicking a young child. She switched poses to one reminiscent of a predatory cat, allowing her eyes to spark ever-so-slightly with Rage. It was easy to do, given Lolo’s abilities. Now that she thought about it, Lolo was probably why her Aspect powers kept progressing despite her natural difficulty with them…

Eve raised her hooves up in mock fear. “No, I’ll do anything for you! Fame, riches, power, your own galaxy! Just don’t-”

Flutterfree lunged, booping Eve on the snout. The two devolved into giggles.

“HEY FLUTTERS!” Vriska shouted, kicking the door in – as was her custom. “I need more spider-chow for that stupid mini-lusus that keeps trying to eat me.”

Flutterfree and Eve stared at her like deer caught in the headlights. 

“…Did I interrupt something?” Vriska asked. 

“I mean, yes, but nothing important,” Eve said, glancing nervously at Flutterfree’s robes of Rage. 

“You guys need a stuffpile,” Vriska commented.  

“Just because our relationship is analogous to your race’s pale quadrant doesn’t mean it’s the same thing,” Eve asserted. “Also we tried the stuffpile thing. I almost drowned in stuffed animals.”

Flutterfree giggled nervously.

Vriska rolled her eyes. “Starbeat’s fine with it.”

“Starbeat is a unique pony,” Flutterfree countered.

“Yeah, sure. Anyway, spider chow?”

“Yes, I have it right over here…”

“By the way, nice robes.”

Flutterfree smiled nervously. “Yes! They are nice! Renee made them for me.”

“Never saw you as one to embrace the Rage, but I’m glad you are. Can’t wait to see you wear it in the field.”

Eve could hear Flutterfree’s internal screams. She was going to have to wear them now…

“Oh, Eve!” Vriska grinned. “You should get some Light robes. You two would match! Inverted colors and everything!”

“…That would be cute,” Flutterfree admitted, fixing Eve with a sly smirk.

“I wouldn’t be able to wear such a thing ‘in the field’,” Eve commented. “But I’ll see what Renee can do.” 

“It’ll be great if all of you could get robes,” Vriska said as Flutterfree handed her a bag full of spider chow. Even though it was half her size, she lifted it with little issue. “Anyway, see you two later, need to get back to Earth C. That spider’s not going to train itself…”

“Maybe you should give her a name?” Flutterfree asked.

“Eh, maybe,” Vriska said, jumping away. 

There was silence in the cottage.

“Good news, she suspects nothing,” Eve commented.

“Yeah. But she’s going to be on the trail…” Flutterfree furrowed her brow. “We’re going to have to do something about this…”

“Pinkie?”

“Pinkie.”


~~~


The Gem subdimension construction was already underway. They had chosen an empty place in the middle of Celestia City that had originally been made to look like a desert – but few people wanted to wander the empty desert, so it had been somewhat easy to procure a plot of land to build a special sort of dimensional gateway. Currently it was little more than four crystal pillars in the sand, but Carnelian’s team of Gems were quickly turning it into much more. 

“She SAW you!?” Pinkie shouted, jumping up and down in panic. “Oh no, oh no, oh noooooo she can’t have the surprise ruined! How could you do this!?”

Flutterfree backed up. “I was just showing off for Eve…”

Eve sighed. “There was no way we could have predicted Vriska would come barging in.”

“I know… I know…” Pinkie Pie produced a rocking chair and started shaking it back and forth in an effort to calm herself. “We have to get rid of her.”

“Get rid of her!?” Flutterfree gasped.

“A perfectly reasonable idea,” Corona said, walking over – her robes of Doom held in her hand like toxic kelp. “She’s got luck and she’s very, very nosy when her suspicions are aroused. Just put her in a situation where she can’t find out.” 

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Corona, buttering me up isn’t going to get me to change my mind. You’re wearing that.”

“But Pinkie it’s-”

“The Rogue of Doom. You.”

“But it’s green, black, and ugly!”

Eve smirked. “Problem with ugly?”

“Wh- no!” Corona huffed. “I just… Doom. I don’t like Doom.”

“You can wear it for one day, it’s not like it’s got any power or anything,” Pinkie said dismissively. “Back on track: getting rid of Vriska.”

“Easy to do,” Eve said. “Hard to do without her getting suspicious.”

“We could have Renee send us on an extended mission,” Flutterfree suggested. 

“But I have to be here to plan the party!” Pinkie wailed. “The other Pinkies won’t do it right! And what kind of mission could we go on for that long anyway?”

“Around the multiverse in eighty days,” Renee said, walking into the group. “And don’t you worry your little head, Pinkie, you won’t be going anywhere.” She grinned mischievously. “Because I have an idea!”

“is this going to be anything like the idea you had when you tried to plan the break-in of Canterlot Castle?” Eve asked, eyebrow raised.

“Well, yes, but better!” Renee chuckled. “It’ll be perfect… Pinkie, you keep working with Roxy and the Emporium on the Party. I will place my plan in motion!”

“Um, how will we know we’ll be back in time?” Flutterfree asked. “We don’t exactly know the timing of everything.”

“That’s actually good,” Pinkie said. “Means you’ll come back at the precise right moment.”

“Does it really?” Eve asked.

“Today it does,” Pinkie said with a shrug. “I warned you all that this was going to be a weird one.”

“You did?”

“You weren’t there,” Flutterfree said. “I forgot to mention it.”

“Oh. Okay then.” She ruffled her feathers. “Renee, care to explain what exactly your plan is?”

“Only if you insist.”


~~~


Corona could have teleported anywhere she wanted on Celestia City. Instead, she walked across the ‘desert’ to the nearest ‘town’. She wasn’t entirely sure why, she just did. Perhaps it was a mixture of being bored and the annoying thoughts that were plaguing her ever since she’d laid eyes on that stupid robe of Doom. 

Doom. Doom. 

Everyone she’d ever talked to about it had reminded her, time and time again, that Doom didn’t mean literal doom, though it could. It just meant great change, the ending of something. She had to admit, that did fit her.

But come on, couldn’t it be called something other than Doom? That was so negative. 

She vowed to wear the robes once – exactly once – and then never again. Maybe she could donate them to some other Sunset who would find it interesting. There were always others out there…

Looking around, she realized she was in a ‘town’. Though ‘town’ was an odd thing in Celestia City – technically she was still in the city, but the ramshackle arrangement of buildings here sure didn’t seem to be part of any larger city. It was nothing but sand, tumbleweeds, and a fake sky. Likely constructed in an ill-advised attempt at creating a ‘wild west’. 

Lucky Pinkie. This meant she got an empty place in Celestia City to work with. Assuming they had taken the proper precautions to keep the townspeople from asking questions.

“Who the heck are you!?”

Corona looked down at a short Ruby in a sheriff's outfit. She smiled – but refrained from laughing, knowing this little Ruby probably was the sheriff. “Corona Shimmer. I’m sure you’ve heard of me.”

“What th- oh.” the Ruby dropped her angry expression instantly. “L-lifebringer! G-good to have you visit our small town! What brings you here?”

“A walk,” Corona said, continuing her march into the city. She was mildly baffled to see that nearly half of the town’s population was Rufioh Skaians. The rest was the general mixture of humans, ponies, and Gems. Of interest was a long snake-dog thing, possibly a longma, though that particular word was assigned to so many different creatures Corona didn’t want to make any assumptions. 

“As the Rogue of Doom laid her eyes upon the curious creature…” a voice said from above. 

Corona looked up, processing the fact that nothing was up there. “…Do you have a Narrative Presence here?”

The Ruby nodded. “Uh, yeah. That’s Rotarran.”

“Charmed,” the voice said. 

“That’s just Narrator backwards,” Corona commented.

“You try coming up with something original in this city. There is a Sunset living here by the name of Tesnus, by the way.”

“I have about as much respect for her as I do you right about now,” Corona commented.

“Judgey judgey! Have you been having a bad day by chance, heroine?”

“I’m so glad I don’t have a narrator…”

You do though. Not that you’ll notice. 

The Ruby shrugged. “Rotarran’s chill, give him a break. He even helps out a lot with adventures and stuff! Nibira and the others say he does all sort of mission-things. Speaking of…”

“We have not found the thieves,” Rotarran cut him off. 

“I FOUND THE THIEVES!” A man in a loose tunic called, running down the street. “They just… did a vanishing thing!”

“Lance Lancelot has once again failed his ‘don’t lose track of the objective’ goal,” Rotarran narrated. 

“They’re right around the corne-” he paused, frowning. “You know they’re gone.”

“Yes.”

“Well that’s just great.”

“Yes.”

Corona walked away from them as they continued to argue about the thieves, leaving the sheriff Ruby behind. She decided she might as well try to find these thieves, she didn’t exactly have much of a plan for today… Research was off, and there were no adventures. Might as well make one. 

She came across a bar and decided she might as well walk in. To her surprise, there was an Ork there, with several young human women staring at him with awe in their eyes. 

“And then Ah, cover’d ‘n flames, FLOPP’D on the eldritch squid wit a WAAAAAAAAGH! ‘Dere was a big boom and the squid was dead.”

“Wooooow…” the women sung, swooning.

Those women are either desperate or need mental help. Corona chose to ignore them and look for someone who might have better information. She sat down at the bar, ordered a random drink with low alcohol content, and struck up conversation with a pony/human couple she saw sitting nearby. “So, what’s the occasion?”

“Anniversary,” the pony – a stallion – said. “Marie here has been mine for over twenty years now.”

“Ignore Brick, he’s drunk,” Marie chuckled. “I own him.”

“I’m sure it’s a mutual relationship,” Corona offered. 

“Actually, the kids own us,” Brick said with a grin. “We have no freedom in the relationship.”

“True…” Marie admitted.

“Speaking of, we should be getting back. Don’t want Yvenne making dinner again…”

“...Kids?” Corona asked, looking between the two of them.

Marie flushed. “No, we didn’t do any splicing. That’s… well, that’s just disgusting, no offense to you. …I’m sorry, that sounded horrible.”

“I’m not the result of a splice,” Corona said. “Adopted then?”

“All seven of them,” Brick said with a laugh. “Wait, you’re not a splice? What then?”

Marie furrowed her brow. “…Dear, I think that’s Corona Shimmer.”

“Huh?”

“The immortality serum.”

“WOAH!” Brick fell out of his chair. “Y-you should join us for dinner!”

“Brick! She’s a Princess! You don’t just invite them for dinner!”

Corona smirked. “I’d be glad to come for dinner. When is it?”

“Ten minutes from now?”

“Then we should go. I have some rumor-mills I need to run through and a family dinner sounds like just the place to do it.”

“Oh? About what?” Marie asked.

“The thieves you guys have.”

“Ah… them.” Marie blinked. “Don’t know what to make of them hone-”

“You can just tell me at dinner.”

“Oh. Yes. Which is now eight minutes away! BRICK, WE GOTTA GO!”

And so they scrambled to dinner – and Corona was more than a little shocked to find that only two of their kids were human or pony. There were two Gems, a baby dragon, a teenage goblin, and what Corona was pretty sure was an actual angel girl. 

Food turned out to be ‘instant magical lasagna’ which, admittedly, was pretty good, since Celestia City had all the resources it could ever need for making good instant dinners. 

“Hooves, how do they work?” Brick asked as he drove a fork into the lasagna with amazing precision. “Well enough for me to eat neater than the rest of you, apparently.”

True, already the multiracial home was an absolute mess of food, even though one of the Gems wasn’t eating anything.

Corona smirked. “Hooves are magical focal points of a pony’s body in most universes where a small ‘traction field’ exists at all times, exerting a weak ‘grip’ on anything you press them to.”

He stared at her. “I… I know that. I was j-”

“I could go into the scientific nuances of the phenomenon, it really is quite fascinating.”

There was silence at the table. The goblin snorted with barely restrained laughter. 

“Yvenne! Stop staring!” Marie chided, suddenly. 

The young ‘angel’ couldn’t take her eyes off Corona. “She’s like me…”

Corona smiled warmly. “I don’t think I am. These wings are just feathery appendages, nothing too shiny.”

“You’re brimming with life energy.”

“Well yeah, I-”

“And death energy.”

Corona stared at her. 

“Ahahahah!” Marie laughed nervously. “Yvenne’s a silly one, isn’t she! Grellk, why don’t you take your sister to the kitchen to get dessert?”

“Ugh, moooooom,” the goblin groaned. “The sugar is disgusting! Have Nin do it.”

“I can’t even eat yet!” Nin shouted, folding her hard-light arms. 

“I can,” the other Gem added, rubbing it in.

Brick groaned. “Someone take Yvenne to get the dessert.”

“Got it,” the pony – who just so happened to be a crystal unicorn mare – got up and led Yvenne to the kitchen. Corona could feel holy magic flying the moment they entered the room. She wondered what Yvenne was doing…

“So, you wanted to ask about the thieves?” Brick asked.

“Oh, yes! See, I-” she ignored the sounds of the floor cracking in the other room. “-heard about some thieves, and I figured I might as well try to apprehend them.”

“Really? You’d apprehend the Phantom Thieves of Hearts?”

“They’re Skaians?” Corona asked. 

“Oh? No!” Marie chuckled. “You have no idea who they are, do you?”

“No…”

“Hey, there’s one right now! Just like the games!” the human child said, pointing out the window. Running across the street was a young man in a black shirt and plaid pants pushing his glasses to his face. He might have been a teenager, but sometimes it was hard to tell with humans who were clearly from anime-originating worlds. Corona didn’t waste any time – she teleported out onto the street and attempted to touch her fingers to his head. 

He jumped out of the way, spinning behind her with a grin. “Woah! Sorry, not going to le-” he paused when he realized who he was talking to. “I didn’t think we’d gotten quite this level of recognition… Corona, pleasure to meet you! I’d love to stay and chat but I have a-”

Corona attempted to jump him again, but he twisted behind her. She was expecting this – and just used her wing to tap him. 

Who ever said she had to use her hands to initiate empathy?

After a few seconds of absorbing what was inside him, Corona backed off. “Huh… You’re an interesting one… Joker.”

Joker smiled cheekily. “It’s what it takes to be the leader of the Phantom Thieves of Hearts, Corona.”

Corona looked him over for a few seconds. “The heroic thief… An interesting archetype, and not one I thought we needed in our society.”

“No offense, but you’re too high up to see what it’s like down here,” Joker said, casually leaning on a wall. “Things fall through the cracks of your friends’ web. Little heroes like us are there to take care of it.”

“By stealing parts of people’s souls.”

Joker waved his hand back and forth. “Eeeeeeeeh depends on how you look at it.”

Corona let out a soft chuckle. “I like you. And, for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing good work. No matter how… weird it is.”

“Think of it like an inverse Stand.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Joker grinned. “I know.”

Corona rolled her eyes. “Have fun with your phantom heists. Don’t go too far and I won’t have to call Expeditions on you.”

“What would Expeditions do?”

“Recruit you, but then you’d be limited by government-assigned missions and bureaucracy. Little annoying if you’re not as high up as I am.”

“Maybe I should mess up just to get an invitation.”

Corona put her hands on her hips. “You can do that if you want. I’ll be very, very disappointed though.”

Joker grabbed his heart. “Alas, I cannot survive with the great guardian’s disapproval! I must not take this risk!” 

“Smooth.”

“I try.”

Corona waved. “Go stop that guy from cheating the homeless out of their food.”

“I will. Oh, and Corona?”

“Hmm?”

“If you want a more local issue, the Pinkies have been trying to get us to infiltrate the Infinite Carousel as of late. Apparently there’s something big going on in there. Figured it was a bit above our paygrade since we have no idea what’s going on – but if you were to look into it...”

“Say no more,” Corona said, giving him a thumbs up. “I’m going to finish my dinner with this nice family and then I’ll get to that.” She put her hands on her hips. “I wonder if it’s really a conspiracy or not…”

“It probably is.”

“Good.” Corona pulled out her phone and called Allure while Joker sped off into the sand. “Hey, Allure? Do you know anything about increased activity of the Infinite Carousel?”

She could hear Allure audibly groan on the other side. “Yeah. Both the Carousel and Census have been acting up. We have no idea why.”

“Well, they might be up to something. Prepare a report of everything you know, I’ll be swinging by later.”

“Suuuuure thing!”

Corona hung up and teleported back to the dinner table. “So, that’s dealt with, who knows about the Infinite Carousel?”


~~~


Renee looked at three of her closest, most trusted Rarities. Her opinions of the three of them varied considerably, but they had proven themselves time and time again to her. Even if some of them were… questionable. 

Mattie grinned. “I can hear your thoughts. I absolutely love them. Please, punish me for being so off the walls. I’ll learn. Trust me, like you were just thinking you could.”

Renee sighed. “Celia?”

“You walked into this,” the pony-like Gem said, shrugging. 

“I’m with Mattie, let’s punish her,” Affix grinned. “That’s always fun.”

Renee leaned into her hoof, the action moving a digital tablet across her office desk. They were in her primary office in the Castle of Friendship. “Look, ladies, I understand we are all strong, brilliant personalities-”

“You got that right.” Affix winked. 

“-but all I’m asking is something simple. We need to get all these Aspect robes ready for everyone going to the party before the party happens. Sooner rather than later. You can bring in anypony you want, but please keep the Infinite Carousel out of this. That means you, Mattie.”

“Bu-”

“I’m serious.”

“…I don’t have to listen to you…”

“Do you want me to call the Oversight Division? I can.”

Mattie grumbled. “But they’d make it so much faster…”

“We can’t give them a hoofhold given the current political situation,” Celia pointed out. “They’re threatening the purity of Merodi business seclusion.”

“I’d be impressed if they weren’t being so illegal,” Renee muttered. “Is business so important to us that we’re usually willing to break the law for it?”

“To be fair, they existed before Merodi Universalis,” Affix said. 

“But they keep trying to get more operatives here…” Renee shook her head. “Not an issue to talk about right now. You can hire Rarities that are part of the Carousel, but you can’t get Carousel management involved, okay?”

“Got it,” Celia said, saluting. “…I’ll see who I can get.”

“But what about making dresses?” Affix asked.

“I never was much of a designer,” Celia admitted with a shrug. “More of a politician. I can get us some good deals, don’t you worry.”

“In that case, dismissed,” Renee said with a few claps of her hooves. “I’ve got to talk to the Primary team.”

“Have fun!” Mattie sang as she and the other Rarities were teleported away. A second later, Vriska, Jotaro, Flutterfree, and Nova were teleported into the room. Flutterfree was wearing her Rage robes – as Vriska expected. Flutterfree didn’t seem that uncomfortable with it, which Renee took as a compliment. 

“…Uh, where’s Pinkie?” Nova asked, playing her part perfectly.

Renee smiled serenely. “I’m glad you asked, that’s part of why you’re here. You see, I had to send Pinkie on a super-secret mission alone.”

“…What?” Vriska said. 

“I’m not allowed to talk about it. And even if I was, Giorno didn’t exactly give me any information on it. She’ll be indisposed for… a good while.”

“I call being in charge!” Vriska called.

Flutterfree coughed. “I’m in command in Pinkie’s absence.” 

“…Yeah, well, I called dibs.”

“Doesn’t beat prior agreements,” Jotaro said. 

“But… law of dibs!”

“Your argument is pointless, neither of you will be leading,” Renee said. “Though, for the record, Flutterfree is right.”

Flutterfree grinned proudly. 

“Who’s leading us then?” Nova asked. 

“ME!” Renee said, jumping on top of her desk and striking a pose. “The moment she was called away I was thinking ‘Renee, it’s been a while since you’ve been out in the field, I bet you miss it’ and I responded with ‘you’re right, I do miss it, I should do something!’ So I’m back on the team for a while. And since Pinkie’s going to be gone a significant amount of time, well…” She grinned. “You’ve all heard of Nanoha’s Grand Tour, yes?”

“Yeah…?” Vriska said, cocking her head.

“We’re doing it. Except we’re doing it fast. We’re going around the multiverse in eighty-ish days.”

“You’re crazy.”

Renee grinned. “I guess I’ve been letting myself go lately.”

Vriska matched her expression. She clasped Renee’s hoof. “Welcome back, fashion horse.”

“Thank you!” Renee tossed her mane back. “I’ve got to contact Daniel and tell everyone where I’m going, but we should be able to leave by the end of the day! Pack your things, we’re not going to see Merodi Universalis for a long while!”


~~~


“Cessera, what is a waffleborg?” Eve asked.

The Gem Second looked up from her data pad. “If I had to guess, biomechanical aliens obsessed with assimilation and breakfast.”

“I really hope that’s not it,” Eve commented, scrolling through her ‘incidents of possible interest to the Overhead of Relations’ report. Several people in the Relations Division cut down the most interesting reports and sent the ones with the most necessary information to her, cut down to be as efficient as possible. This kept her from spending multiple days reading through every report that came out, but it also confused her sometimes. ‘Waffleborg tried to open negotiations, failed spectacularly when Pit offered pancakes to them.’ There was so much to unload there…

“It probably is it,” Eve muttered after a few seconds of silence. She marked the section as ‘read more into later’ and kept going. She thought about calling Renee and asking about it – but then she remembered, Renee was gone. And so was Flutterfree. 

“…Eve?”

Eve barely caught the motion of Cessera’s lips. “I’m fine,” Eve said, quickly. “Just… well I usually talk to Renee or Flutterfree about these things, they’re not here. And Pinkie’s probably so busy she’d scream at the phone if I dared trying to call her.” 

“Applejack? Rainbow?”

Eve smiled warmly. “My weekly dinners with Applejack are amazing, and I always love seeing Rainbow. But neither of them really seem to ‘get’ the politics I always find myself in. I would call Luna but…”

“Asleep?”

“Yeah. Asleep. As is the norm.” She ruffled her wings. “I guess I’ll just have to get used to talking with just you.”

“That’s basically half your job at this point.”

“I do spend a lot of time in this office for somepony who’s the face of Merodi Universalis,” Eve said, furrowing her brow.

“That was an exaggeration.”

“Exaggerations contain truth within them.”

Cessera shrugged, scrolling through her copy of the report. “…The Derpy Anti-Defamation League is back.”

“…We sent Walleye to them, right?”

“Yeah. They’re suing her – and by extension, us – for defamation.”

Eve groaned. “I wish I could say I was surprised…”

“Rumor has it they managed to rope Earth Shimmer’s Ditzy into one of their meetings.”

“Why does this pointless powder keg keep building up? They explode, get recognition, and then all the Derpys just continue to not care. Their names are literally Derpy, there’s no ill intent!” 

“They have a section in their brochure about ‘legal action against your Prophet’.”

“...They don’t have very good lawyers, do they?”

“No.”

There was a soft buzzing in Eve’s chair, letting her know someone was waiting to meet with her. She checked her meeting schedule – empty for today. “Oh no, it better not be the potato again…”

“Doesn’t appear to be,” Cessera said, checking the cameras. “Looks like… two Twilights and two Raritys. They’re all squabbling with each other.”

Eve massaged her horn. “Why can’t they just get along?”

“Eve, it’s the Infinite Carousel, we’ve all but branded them criminals at this point.”

“But they’re so loud. And… well, it looks bad on me!”

Cessera rolled her eyes. “Should I call them in?”

“Sure. I’ve haven’t used the Royal Canterlot Voice in a while.”


~~~


They had done it. It had taken a few days, but the Gems had come though. 

The little building in the middle of the city-desert led to a black subdimension with several house-sized planets styled after the player planets of SBURB. There were dozens of brightly colored spheres drifting in the blackness, tied together with rope bridges, little spaceships, and even a few floating houses. Balloons were everywhere. 

Pinkie stood next to Roxy and Carnelian, grinning. 

“This looks amazing,” Roxy said, hands on her hips. “Party fit for gods.”

“That’s kind of the point,” Carnelian observed, pointing at the various god-tier Skaians drifting around the planets, checking them out for ‘accuracy’. 

“My planet’s too big!” Dave called to them.

“Shut up, Strider!” Roxy shouted back. 

“I have just been told to shut up, you may continue, Dave,” Dirk said.

Dave cupped his hands to his mouth. “MY PLANET’S TOO BIG!”

“Don’t make me come over there and give you boys a knuckle sandwich!” Roxy shouted. 

“Bring it.” Dave was suddenly surrounded by his dead selves. “The squad’s got all avenues of attack covered!”

Roxy ‘wonked’. “That’s just what we want you to think…”

“Psst. Roxy,” Carnelian elbowed her. “We’re not done with the party yet.”

“Oh yes! We’re just getting started!” Pinkie cackled. “With Vriska gone, we can go completely overboard. We are going to get Vriska her pirate boat. And we are going to fill it with the best treasure in the multiverse.” She took a gun with a backwards-facing barrel and tossed it into the ground of a nearby mini-planet. “That’s the artifact pile. We’re going to get all the artifacts.”

“I know where the Juju Breaking Crowbar is!” Roxy said, waving her hand. 

“Then that’s where we’re going first! And we will not stop until we’ve collected the absolute biggest pile of treasure for Vriska to plunder!”

“Hell yeah!” 

“…Isn’t it a bad idea to have so many powerful artifacts together?” Carnelian asked.

“Well, duh.” Pinkie said. “But think about it – Vriska would totally love a dangerous birthday party.”

“I can’t argue with that.”

Pinkie put on a pith helmet and grinned. “Time to go plunder the deepest, darkest dungeons for delightful loot! Who’s with me!?”

“Me! Totally me! Bring me!” Roxy shouted. “Bring Carnelian too!”

“What!? N-”

Pinkie grabbed the both of them and dragged them through a portal to Earth C…


~~~


There was a spark in the crystal ball… It was trying to find the beginning… It was having difficulty, since it wasn’t given a good idea of where ‘the beginning’ was… 

It decided to begin with a rather common occurrence in the multiverse – the birth of a Twilight Sparkle. It began to fast-forward through her life. The day she got her cutie mark and was accepted into Celestia’s School was the first event that made it slow down – and after that it was a blur until she arrived in Ponyville and made her lifelong friends. 

The crystal ball’s user didn’t care about all this. He tapped the ball with his hoof, advancing it forward. Past Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra, the ascension, Tirek, Starlight, Pony of Shadows, Cozy… and then stopping at the discovery of the bowling ball. 

The man of light fled across existence, and the enchantress followed. 

Twilight took the ball. She met Siron, and she met so many others… Her team shuffled around a bit, there was the fight with Ba’al, the loss of her hearing, and then the threat of Majora… And at long last, the sign of a society forming became apparent. Disclosure occurred, and Twilight gave her speeches. An alliance grew closer together as a mare grew beyond anything her mentors had conceived. She worked to bring everyone together in every way, through the struggles of the University of Doors and the Gems themselves. They continued building up, the power of Harmony and Friendship bringing more and more into the fold. Stands, magic, humans, technology… so many. 

The Gem Trial went by quickly, because as important as it was to history, the event shortly thereafter was significantly more meaningful. The Bloodbath. The death of so many; the first day of Merodi Universalis was almost its last. But it wasn’t. It rose from the struggle, stronger than it would have ever been otherwise. 

It dealt with the revelation of ka better than most. It encountered societies much higher and made friends. It survived the attention of the Starcross Society and was instrumental in the defeat of the Collector. 

Twilight – now known as Eve – was always there, always guiding it, always shaping it. Sometimes the ball would focus on someone else – like when Corona created the immortality serum – but otherwise it remained the same. Merodi Universalis grew, grew until they could play with giants around the Green Sun, grew until they were a name well known in much of the multiverse…

“This has gone on too far,” Grogar growled, dissipating the image in the crystal ball. He was a large, blue goat with ram-like horns and an eternally sour expression. He looked up from his podium at the various creatures around him, making a crowd seventeen strong – eighteen, if he included himself. They stood in an open auditorium-like area made of ancient, degraded marble. This structure sat, alone, on an island in the middle of a vast pink ocean. “We have been watching, waiting for them to stop changing long enough to form a plan. But this patience has gotten us nowhere, as their change is apparently exponential. The longer they live, the more enemies they make – but also the more enemies they defeat. We are at the point of diminishing returns. We are at eighteen strong. One more, and the number will be perfect. It will be time to strike.”

“Oh, taking my advice?” the sharp-toothed purple-haired Magane asked. “Good.”

“I am acting on evidence that nineteen is a superior number,” Grogar grunted. “Your counsel was merely a gesture in the right direction.”

“Remind me again why he’s in charge?” Adagio asked – currently in the form of a strange fish-human hybrid creature. The red crystal around her neck glowed brightly. 

“Because I am the one who brought us all together!” Grogar asserted.

True, but shallow, a brain pulsed, sitting on a nearby pedestal. We are not a coalition with a specific hierarchy.

“IT, shut your trap,” Chrysalis growled. “It makes my head hurt.”

IT pulsed. Your head hurts itself, daughter of insanity.

“She is one with chaos!” A tremendous man in chaotic red armor shouted, ramming a chainaxe into the ground. 

“Kharne! Now is not the time for battle!” Grogar shouted. “Soon though! Soon we shall make Merodi Universalis suffer for all they’ve done and all they dared!”

“There’s only eighteen of us…” an Apple Bloom with dark mist coming out of her eyes said. “Where is the nineteenth…?”

“Surely one of our recruiting missions has gone well?” Grogar asked. 

Tirek folded his arms. “The Nightmare Moon Reformation Association was pointless.”

“Not that we didn’t try!” Cozy Glow shouted, waving her hooves. “They just… didn’t like us!”

Grogar grunted. “They were the least likely anyway.” 

A Rarity with cat-like claw marks over an empty eye socket spoke up. “My counterpart within the Starcross Society was decidedly uncooperative. Didn’t even think of revenge… Not even after I offered her everything.”

“Lilith, broken lock,” a Twilight deadpanned.

“Lielight! You… don’t you dare!” another Twilight shouted, wearing what most closely resembled a red and black flamenco dress. “Lilith is precious!”

“Little Miss Rarity, Shipping Princess, intertwined necks,” Lielight responded.

“Ooooh, you do know how to talk dirty!” Lilith chuckled. 

“That double-speaker is so arrogant she probably thinks she does that all the time,” Tirek muttered.

“Um. She does,” Cozy offered.

Tirek put a hand to the bridge of his nose and groaned.

“You are all useless. It would be easier to condition them,” the Apple Bloom said. 

Your methods put us further against the story than we already are, IT said. We must work within the boundaries to achieve success.

“You are all pretty evil,” a Starlight with a medical vest and pointed ears said – she went by Starlance, after her ears. “Me? I just have strange ears.”

“And want to see how all this turns out,” Magane offered.

“Definitely. This entire dynamic is all so fascinating. I’m surprised this little group hasn’t imploded already!”

“We’re off track,” Grogar said. “Aquamarine, how did the mission to the Crown Princess go?”

The small Gem folded her arms. “Badly. The Crown Princess, to put it mildly, doesn’t want anything to do with us.”

“She tried to kill me,” Ba’al offered.

“Everyone tries to kill you,” Aquamarine spat. 

“Not everyone here.”

“I will kill you the moment I think the others will allow it,” Sombra, the dark unicorn, declared.

“I’m afraid Flagg’s a no-show as well,” a human-like alien by the name of Loki said, toying with a blue cube of immense power. “I don’t think he likes you very much, Grogar.”

“I will never understand why the embodiment of our position refuses us so,” Grogar said. 

“It is because he embodies a very different ideal,” the last member of the group said – a man far too young in appearance for his age. His eyes were fire and his fists were those of rage. “We seek revenge. He seeks disorder and darkness for the sake of itself. We are too ordered for his liking.”

“Ozai has a point,” Starlance said. “Most of us – not including me or Magane – are in this for revenge of some sort. Flagg was willing to use that with Siron, not be part of it.”

We are too much for him to use effectively, IT concluded.

“We’re too much for me to keep track of,” Chrysalis muttered. “I’m like… What’s your name?” 

The Apple Bloom looked at her with disdain. “You insist on calling me the Mindflayer.”

“See? Too many weird names.”

“Then it’s a good thing you don’t have to learn mine.”

The man who would become the nineteenth member of the team walked in. He was human, and otherwise his physical appearance is none of your business because that would spoil everything. Deal with it. 

“You may call me the Dude,” he said, taking an empty seat between Cozy Glow and Lilith. “Those of you who know who I am, refrain from mentioning it. They have eyes in the strangest places, as I’m sure you are aware.”

“This guy thinks ahead,” Magane said. 

“Very well… ‘Dude’,” Grogar said, narrowing his eyes. “Who invited you?”

“Nobody. I invited myself. Because the time is right.”

He is outside my influence, IT noted.

“His essence is blank,” the Mindflayer added.

“And I’m here to help,” the Dude said, folding his hands together. “You want to bring Merodi Universalis down?”

“More than anything,” Grogar declared. 

“Good. We’ll have to attack them from multiple fronts to accomplish this. We will need to split up into teams. First team needs to go after the Primary Team on their journey through the multiverse, for our only chance to defeat them is when they are separated from their nation. Their defeat is instrumental, for they are the heroes of Merodi Universalis. The other heroes also need attention. Pinkie is still in Merodi Universalis – she is planning the biggest party ever. We will infiltrate this party as party planners and get catalogs of every OP-as-fuck artifact she is bringing into Celestia City. A third team will need to deal with Eve and incite political turmoil, while the fourth and final will need to augment a conspiracy within the various ‘self-societies’ of Merodi Universalis. Lilith, you have access to the Infinite Carousel, you will be on that.”

Grogar narrowed his eyes. “While you seem to have a plan… I ask what makes you think you can just stroll in here and demand that everyone follow your plan?”

“Because I’m telling you exactly what to do. You don’t have to listen to it. But I have all the information to pull this off. I know exactly how to manipulate events to bring you to the point of your revenge.” He leaned in, face level. “All you have to do is listen and use your skills, and they shall fall apart from all sides.”

“I like this guy!” Magane declared. “Let’s do his plan!”

“I will hear his plan in its entirety…” Grogar said, furrowing his brow. “And then I will make a judgment.”

The Dude nodded. “I’m warning you, it’s a mess that barely makes sense.”

“I would find that disheartening, but I had a feeling that would be the only way to take them out.”

“Smart goat.”

“I have been around for much longer than you.”

“By some metrics.” The Dude stood up and began strolling around, looking out across the pink sea of the world. “You have been right from the start, Grogar. Only teamwork can defeat the powers of harmony. You must become like them to win. An annoyingly detestable truth the Tower forces on us all, but a truth nonetheless.”

Grogar looked at the Dude with far more respect now. “You speak well, human.”

“And I’ll do so much more.” He turned around, looking Grogar right in the eyes. “Let’s tear Merodi Universalis down to dust.”


~~~



SONGS OF THE SPHERES


100


by G. M. Blackjack


(Whatever happens, this time it’s your fault)



~~~


Pinkie looked out at the party planets, a smirk on her face.

“Mattie, sure you can handle this?” Pinkie asked. 

Mattie chuckled. “I’m the absolute queen of montages. Nothing can stop me!”

Pinkie took out a boom box. “Then let’s hit it.” She hit the play button and a thick, fat beat began to pump out of its speakers, thundering through what they had been calling the Realm of Party. Mattie, Pinkie, and Roxy started shifting to the groove while Carnelian looked around, awkward, trying to figure out what the strange ritual was. 

Carnelian was really surprised when the three of them burst out into song. 

“We don’t need to ponder
We don’t need to wait
All we need is a bumping beat to send us on the hunt!”

And Mattie’s montage abilities took over. Days began to pass like rapidly-flipping pages in a book. They rushed to a world reminiscent of Ardent and pulled a third of the triforce out of a slime monster, smiling for pictures taken by seemingly no one. 

“We don’t care at all ‘bout how hard it is
We’re gonna grab all the gold; gonna grab all the vis
We’re gonna grab them all ‘till there’s none left!”

They climbed the steps into an ancient abandoned temple in a space-borne forest, with Pinkie making “boom, bang, boom-a-bang!” noises all the way. They removed the idol and ran away from a boulder trap with smiles on their faces. With the exception of Carnelian, who was terrified of the entire ordeal. 

“Grab it all! 
Find the sparks
Be the magic song
Find the dark
Find the light
Treasure, treasure, yeah yeah yeah yeah!”

An alien by the name of Loki came across them seeking treasure and gave him his own cube of power, free of charge. He ended up part of the group without much fuss, a bit like a photobomber. 

“Multiversal!
There’s no end to the game
Free the relics from their homes, release the fire trap over there!”

They ducked under a fire trap and managed to get hold of a dragon idol. They quickly returned to the party planets and dumped it onto the ever-growing pile of artifacts ranging from immensely powerful to little more than trinkets.

“We’re gonna suffer
‘Cause Vriska’s so surprised
Angry smiles, angry smiles.”

Pinkie started gluing several of the reddish-to-pink artifacts together with Loki and Carnelian in the background, suggesting construction ideas. Carnelian finally started smiling.

“Grab it all! 
Find the sparks
Be the magic song
Find the dark
Find the light
Treasure, treasure, yeah yeah yeah yeah!”

Pinkie giggled on top of her new throne made entirely out of treasure. Naturally, it would be Vriska’s later, and it had an appropriate number of spider designs on it to reflect that. But she could enjoy this for now. She took a breath and let out one last resonant line.

“Because it is the best, god-tier, Skaian, party, birthday, surprise, EVER!”

And the song ended with a bunch of horns and toots and laughs. 

“I feel like my entire life just flashed before my eyes!” Carnelian gasped – still shaking her feet to the music that no longer existed.

“I suppose I could do that,” Mattie commented. “Don’t see much point to it though, I still waste the entire time of the life I’m flashing.” She snickered. 

“I physically can’t stop grooving!” Carnelian wailed.

“Here, let me help with that.” Loki pulled an artifact out of the pile and shot her with it – freezing her in place for a solid second. When it broke, she wasn’t dancing. 

“Hooo… Haff…”

Roxy put a hand on Carnelian’s shoulder. “First heartsong?”

“Y-yeah…”

“You’ll get used to them. They let you feel alive! Like, there was this one time I was in the worst of dumps and then – woah – the entire bar started singing about the sense of community they all shared and I was all, yeah! This is my jam!”

“And I take it this was ‘your jam’ as well?” Loki asked.

“Fuck yeah!”

“Hold up!” Pinkie said, lifting a hoof. “Something’s wrong.”

“Hmm?” Mattie asked. “I- oh, I suppose I do have that feeling.”

“That’d be me,” Magane said, suddenly lounging on top of the artifact-throne. “Hi!”

“Witch!” Loki shouted, taking a defensive stance. “What do you want?”

Magane grinned. In the light of the party planets she looked even more menacing than usual, her teeth glinting in the few lights there were, accentuating their sharpness. Her eyes bored into all their souls, and those with magic sense simply shuddered uncomfortably as they couldn’t quite touch what she was. “I’m just here to watch.”

“I know you’re up to something!” Pinkie declared. “You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t!”

“Oh, what a brilliant deduction. But what could possibly be my reason for being here? I simply have no idea!”

“Not falling for that,” Pinkie muttered. “Everyone, don’t question her. The moment you say something she said isn’t true, it becomes true. High-end reality warping mess.”

“What a terrifying power…” Loki said. 

“Glad you like it!” Magane winked. 

“Loki! My man!” Roxy put an arm around his shoulder. “I watched, like, all the Marvel movies. You’re amazing. Glad to have you on board.”

“Montages do have the way of making the best of friends,” Mattie said, finally allowing there to be a moment to appreciate the man who had appeared in the middle of the montage. A problem with her powers, to be sure, but not one that was unsalvageable. He was a middle-aged man with a face that was almost too smooth and wiry black hair. He looked like a snake but, well, that was Loki for you.

Pinkie pulled his blue cube out of the artifact stack. “The Tesseract…”

“Yes, an Infinity Stone artifact,” Loki commented. “Quite the addition to your collection, no?”

“We could make an Infinity Gauntlet if we got six…”

“It wouldn’t work,” Roxy pointed out. “Each full set is keyed to one universe only.”

“But still, having a full set, even if it’s from mixed universes…” Pinkie grinned. “Think we have any others!?”

“Found a golden brain!” Mattie reported, kicking the shining lump of neural matter out of the stack. “Mind Stone?”

“Most definitely,” Loki said.

“Definitely not,” Magane countered.

Roxy put her hands on her hips. “Are you just going to sit up there and try to make us trip over our words?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Magane cackled. “Calling for votes, who thinks that did anything?” Seeing no hands, she shrugged. “I’m clearly going to have to work harder.”

“No you aren’t.”

Magane fixed Roxy with a ‘seriously trying that again?’ look.

“I will keep trying.”

Magane rolled her eyes. “Admirable, but foolish. Oh so, so foolish…” 

“We are going to need guards to keep her from taking control of the artifacts…” Carnelian pointed out. 

“Oh, I already got security,” Roxy said. “At… some point in the montage. I think. Has it been weeks or months?”

Everyone shrugged. 

“Right, whatever, time’s borked, that’s nothing new. Anyway, I ran into the Everykid, and she said she had some available friends.” She gestured at a party planet that hadn’t existed at the start of the montage. It was light green, covered in large portions of grassland, and a single go-kart racetrack that somewhere around fifty Hat Kids were racing on. 

“…Our security is fifty Everykids?” Carnelian asked.

“Yep,” Roxy said, wearing a proud smile. “Well, only one of them is the Everyman, the rest are just on the job because they feel like it. They’re great treasure hunters and guardians! They’ll protect the pile like the adorable fierce hat creatures they are!” She squealed. “You should see them smack intruders with bats. It’s the cutest thing ever.”

“Why go-karts though?” Loki asked.

“Merodi Kart.” Pinkie shrugged. “Newest attraction of the party, I guess.”


~~~


To put it simply, Renee had missed this.

“Have at thee, ruffian!” Renee shouted, twisting a rapier in her magic to intercept the similar blade her alternate self was holding. 

“I am not a ruffian!” Rarity the fencer declared, matching Renee’s moves. “I have had years of experience under the greatest masters of swordplay!”

“And I’ve been stuck behind a desk for most of the last few years and I’m giving you a run for your money. Maybe you should put yourself in danger more often, darling.” With a twist of her blade and some careful magic manipulation, her counterpart’s sword was torn away and embedded in a nearby marble column. 

“Woohoo!” Flutterfree cheered lightly. 

“Aww man, I wanted to fight her too,” Vriska muttered. “Now she’s already lost.” She looked to the ground – and saw a letter with an X on it. “Not again…”

Jotaro glanced over her shoulder. “Agent X?”

“Yeah. I don’t get this guy.” Vriska opened the letter and read it aloud. “See? What’s this even about? The lore of some alternate Equestria? Why does he write these reports? Why am I the only one who gets these letters?”

“You did mention that he likes the number eight,” Nova said. “Maybe that has to do with it?”

“He never mentions anything troll-like in these letters!” Vriska complained. 

“How come this is the first I’ve heard of it?” Renee asked, strolling over and ignoring her counterpart’s disgruntled horse noises.

Vriska shrugged. “Pinkie said it’s not important. And I was getting them before I met you guys. …But not before I ran into my first Equestria…”

Flutterfree perked up. “I don’t think you’ve ever told us the story of the first Equestria you ran into.”

“Uh, yeah,” Vriska said, expression darkening. “…I conquered it.”

“Oh…” Flutterfree put a wing around her, smiling. “That’s not you anymore.”

“Yeah, but it’s a little disheartening when half your stories are of you being a fucking asshole, you know?”

“Yare yare daze…” Jotaro muttered. “The further past your mistakes you move the worse you get.”

Vriska glared. “Are you saying I’m going soft?”

“Yes,” Nova said.

“No!” Flutterfree called. “You’re just adjusting to your new life!”

“I could take a look at your mind,” Renee offered. 

“Thanks, but no thanks, I don’t need any Sylphing.” Vriska waved her hand dismissively. “What I need is more action!”

Renee smirked. “Daaarling!” she called. “My Agent wants to spar!”

“I have already suffered the indignity of defeat, I will not suffer more,” the Rarity said, storming off in a huff.

“I’ll make her fight on one leg and with an arm tied behind her back! And she has to use just her sword!”

The Rarity looked back, pondering this. Then she huffed and strode away.

“Lame,” Vriska muttered.

“She’s smart,” Renee observed. “Knew I was setting her up for failure.”

“Still lame.”

Renee tossed her mane back. “Regardless, I think this world has given us all we could need. Shall we continue?”

“We’re not even out of the Q-Sphere yet…” Flutterfree said. “We’ve got a long way to go…”

“Onward!” Vriska called. 

The primary team vanished into a portal. 

Adagio left her hiding spot from behind a column. “Yes… Get far, far away from Merodi Universalis…”


~~~


It had been a week or so since Corona had first called Allure about the ‘unknown problem with the self-societies’. 

It had been a week of pointless investigation. The Sweeties had found nothing aside from enhanced activity in the Emporium, Carousel, and Census. The Sweeties deduced that the Emporium was probably working on Vriska’s party, though they weren’t sure that was really enough of an event to demand that much of an increase in activity. 

The Carousel and Census, on the other hoof, were complete unknowns. And since the Carousel wasn’t on good terms with Merodi Universalis, they had decided to pay the Sparkle Census a visit. 

Allure had asked Corona to come along, but she had ended up busy with a research project involving an “absolute ton of eggs. It’s really fascinating how the eggs are exactly one ton right down to the planck scale, and we’re really trying to figure out how that’s possible…” So Allure went with Squeaky. 

Allure had never actually been to the Sparkle Census proper on business – it had always been to see the sights or get something done quickly. Now she actually wanted to discuss policy, and that meant going through the proper channels. Which meant paperwork.

“Hello, and welcome to the Sparkle Census!” a Twilight with rose-tinted glasses and a flamenco-like dress said, a fake smile on her face. “Your request to meet with the council has been acknowledged, and while it is being processed you will need to fill out these forms.” She handed them a couple of data pads. “Enjoy!”

“Right…” Allure muttered. “You’d think calling ahead would get you in…”

Squeaky shrugged. “They like their rules. Let’s just fill all this out…” 

It took about an hour, which was fast for the completion of a full Sparkle Census form. The two of them handed the data pads back as one, allowing the Twilight to look them over. She nodded slowly. “Thank you for your time!” Then she threw the data pads in the trash, unceremoniously.

Allure gawked. “Wh… What was that for!?”

The Twilight lit her horn and burned them. “Oh, silly me, looks like you’ll have to do that again!” 

“What’s your deal!?” 

Squeaky narrowed her eyes. “What did you say your name was?”

“Oh, nopony to write home about. Just a simple mare who completely lost everything because of you. The name’s Bleeding Heart Sparkle. Equis Lovestra.”

Allure blinked. “Not even trying to be subtle?”

“Nope,” Bleeding Heart said, grin widening. “You’re going to know exactly wh-”

“You know we had nothing to do with that, right?” Squeaky interrupted. “We’re the League of Sweetie Belles. The whole Flower thing wasn’t us.”

“It was your society that stole my capacity for love!” she shouted. 

Allure sighed. “Look, we all agree that was wrong, but the Flowers did it without our consent. Against our wishes, actually.”

“She’s not going to listen to you,” Squeaky muttered. “Let’s just find somepony else to sign us in.” 

“Bu-”

“She wants to waste our time. Let’s not let her.”

“…Fine.”

Bleeding Heart smirked, adjusting her glasses. “You two really are perfect for each other.”

“You’re disgusting!” Allure called back.

“I would know, I am known as the shipping queen around here.” She folded her hooves and cocked her head. “Or are you forgetting a certain incident between you two?”

Allure and Squeaky froze. Allure turned back and stared at her. “How do you…?”

“A mare doesn’t reveal her secrets,” she chuckled. 

“Allure, what is she talking about?” Squeaky asked.

“I told you about that thing in the time loop, right?”

“Oh yeah…” Squeaky tapped her chin. “You know if we were stuck in one of Bleeding Heart’s shipping stories, that would probably be cause for a lot of awkward drama.”

“Yeah. Good thing we’re not. But I still want to know how she knows.” Allure glared at Bleeding Heart. “You can’t possibly know anything about that time loop. Only I was allowed to remember.”

“Does it matter how I know? It just proves you feel it as well. The need for the deep, personal connection! It calls to you!”

Allure twisted her face back in revulsion. “You… do know that’s self-dating right? You’re in the Census, I know you frown on that!”

“A real shame,” Bleeding Heart admitted. “There’s so much potential in the self-connection. Literally made of each other. I’ve been part of it, it’s a truly amazing feeling. And then there’s those two Sweeties…”

“The Lovers get power from each other, they get a pass,” Allure said dismissively. “And even then, it causes damage. If you know so much, surely you know about the teams that were destroyed or almost destroyed by some-Sweetie who decided they were a Casanova?!”

“Such drama!” Bleeding Heart dramatically swooned. “Such art in the power of love!”

“You’re sick,” Squeaky said. “You need help.”

“And so do you, but I’m not giving it to you!” she laughed. “Enjoy navigating the bureaucracy! I’ve laid traps!”

“Screw you.”

“I’d love it!”

The Sweeties left as quickly as they could. 

Lilith the Rarity poked her head up from behind the counter. “Awww… look at them, so uncomfortable by the boundaries. It’s cute, innocent even. Fitting for a Sweetie…” She let out a demented laugh, absent-mindedly scratching her empty eye socket. “Lielight’s traps are in position. They’ll be running around the paperwork for weeks if they don’t try something desperate.”

Bleeding Heat nuzzled her marefriend. “You think they’ll bother to call Eve?”

“Ha! They’ve got nothing more than a few stray tips and suspicion right now. They don’t have any reason to go that far. And it’ll be too late by then…”

“Too late for what? I… am not exactly clear on the plan.”

“Something something IT, I don’t know, all I know is it’s giving us an excuse to run them in circles which is absolutely delightful!”


~~~


“And it looks like we’ve got a new diplomacy team today,” Cessera said, tapping some information on her pad. “They seem to be copying us.”

“Hmm?” Eve raised an eyebrow. “How so?”

“A Twilight and a blue Gem in the Relations Division.” Cessera handed the pad to Eve, who gave the image upon it a scrutinizing glare. It was a picture of an alicorn Twilight by the name of Astrid who had an Aquamarine on her back – one without an alternate name. 

“Guess we have a successful image.”

“It sure seems that way. They recently handled the Waffleborg incident, seemingly on their own. Nobody’s really sure how they did it, and they said they had to keep secrecy by the Waffleborg’s request, but it was a miracle.”

Eve smiled. “Ah, I know what that’s like… Remember negotiations with the Erni Golems?”

“Vaguely.”

“That’s because they attributed trust to secrets. I dealt with them regularly for several months but I had to keep coming up with other explanations as to why I was gone. They wanted to establish trust through a complex web of not talking about anything.” She rubbed her forehead. “Good thing none of the secrets were particularly dangerous or concerning. But that was still annoying.”

“And is this secrecy a secret?”

“Used to be. They’re very mellow now. Especially since news outlets have agreed not to go to their world anymore.”

“How’d you pull that off?”

Eve shrugged. “Oversight has their own secrets with the Golems.”

“Naturally.”

“Ah! There you are!”

Eve and Cessera looked up to see none other than the Twilight and Aquamarine they had just been talking about. 

“I’ve been dying to meet you! I’m Astrid!” She shook Eve’s hoof energetically. “I told myself the moment I was promoted to the Canterlot office I’d come to see you but geez you have no idea how hard it is to find you.”

Eve chuckled. “Glad to have you on board, Astrid. I’m told you handled the Waffleborg situation. You have my thanks.”

“Don’t ask how we did it,” Aquamarine said, flatly. While Astrid looked like a normal Twilight, Aquamarine was a very diminutive blue Gem that rode on the alicorn’s back. Her gemstone was teardrop-shaped and placed just below her eye, making it look like she may have been crying, even if her stern expression said otherwise. 

“I won’t, I understand the issues with it.” Eve waved a wing, gesturing for them to follow. “Come, walk and talk.”

“Really? Oh, thanks!” Astrid beamed. “I’m as happy as a butterfly freshly released from its cocoon!”

“Eloquent.”

“I’m a bit of a poet,” Astrid admitted with a soft blush. “For when the bell strikes noon, the reckoning will be soon.”

“You’ll have to send me some of your work.”

“Really? You really are everything they say you are, huh?”

Eve shrugged. “I don’t know about everything.”

“Some say she’s an immortal she-demon,” Aquamarine said. 

“Not a demon.”

“As far as we know, anyway,” Cessera added.

“Cessera!” Eve said with mock indignation. “I am not!”

“I don’t know…”

“Corona is known to have been a demon at once point,” Astrid pointed out. 

Eve rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I’ve never been Midnight Sparkle though, and I have no intent to ever be her.”

“You sure the ‘Little Dashie’ epidemic isn’t going to break something?” Aquamarine asked.

Eve smiled warmly. “Those stories aren’t so bad, you know. A lost filly from another world joining a family… It happens all the time, we just step in to clear things up a bit. Usually ends up on Aid’s table, anyway.”

“I think she was referring specifically to the ‘Eight Dashies’ incident,” Astrid said.

“Oooooh… that.” Eve’s smile faltered. “Sometimes we just get things that are way too complicated and confusing. We still have no idea which one goes to which world, and the general ‘let them sort it out themselves’ hasn’t been working since at least two of them need to find their destinies to activate their Elements of Harmony… But lucky for me, that has recently been passed off to Aid. I still plan to check in on them in about a week, but I won’t do anything unless Aid gives the ok to do so. The world governments themselves, on the other hand…” She growled. “They all want the Dashies on their side. This is why I prefer to have Expeditions deal with things like this under the radar.”

“May I offer a suggestion?” Astrid asked.

“Shoot.”

“They no doubt have fate-links to their worlds?”

“Yes, but all eight of the worlds are so closely intertwined and moving that the exact coordinates and dimensional signatures swap regularly. It’s a pain.”

“Oh… In that case, call Aradia. Local time travel in all the universes should be able to sort out who’s who.”

Eve stopped in her tracks. 

“…Cessera?”

“No, we have not tried that.”

“How come we didn’t think of that!?”

Cessera shrugged. “I’ve already sent a message to Aradia. She should get to it at some point.”

“Good. Astrid, I see a bright future for you in this division. I’ll be sure you get credit for that.”

“Wow… Thanks!” Astrid rubbed the back of her head. “I’m making like a boulder, I guess.”

“Hm?”

“On a roll. I’m on a roll.”

Eve chuckled. “Oh, I see.”

“Anyway, let’s get off politics. I’ve been hearing a lot of complaints about all the power Pinkie is holding in one spot…”

“She knows what she’s doing,” Eve asserted. “And they’ve gotten the best security money can buy…”

“Fifty kids?”

“There’s more than that.” Eve paused. “Cessera, there is more than that, right?”

Cessera shrugged. 


~~~


“I’m sorry, I have to fire all of you,” Pinkie said with tears in her eyes.

Every last one of the Hat Kids let out a heart-wrenching ‘awwwwww’ noise. 

“You can stay around and use the go-karts if you want, but you’re not on the clock anymore. I’ve got… official guards for that, now.”

With dejected expressions, all fifty of the Hat Kids returned to their cart racing, except now the kart horns seemed sad somehow. It was one of the worst things Pinkie had felt in her entire life. Or, at least, that’s what it felt like at that moment. 

She fell into Roxy’s arms and started bawling. Roxy, to her credit, hugged Pinkie tight and petted her mane with a solemn expression. 

“…I don’t get it,” Carnelian said, turning to Loki.

Loki shrugged. “Over-the-top affection, I suppose.”

“Played for comedy,” Magane adding, still sitting in the throne. The new military-level guards all had their sights fixed on her, not that she gave any sign of apprehension. 

Loki ignored her, digging through the pile. “Newest stone…” He pulled out an Element of Magic. “This one appears to qualify as a Power Stone.”

Pinkie, suddenly not sad anymore, was on top of it in an instant, eyes shining. “Power, Mind, Space… We’ve got half a set! That’s great!”

“Time, Reality, and Soul…” Roxy said, pursing her lips. “Y’know, just occurred to me, the Soul stone requires a sacrifice usually.”

“Oh… right…” Pinkie frowned. “There’s got to be another way to get it in some universes…”

“The Soul stone doesn’t need a sacrifice,” Magane said.

“Yes it does,” Pinkie interrupted.

“A lie about a lie…” Magane snapped her fingers, altering reality somewhere.

“Why do you help us, witch?” Loki asked. 

Magane shrugged. “You’re the Asgardian mastermind! I’m sure you can figure it out given enough time.”

“There’s the distinct possibility that’s not really help,” Carnelian said. “She could want to use the Infinity Gauntlet.”

“Stones are from different universes, they won’t work together,” Roxy reminded them. “There’s not really a point.”

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Doesn’t really matter. We need to get this Power stone out of this Element of Magic! And we just so happen to have somepony here to do that!”

“We do?” Carnelian asked.

“Yes,” Maud said, stepping out from behind Pinkie. “Where is it?”

Pinkie, giggling, gave her sister the Element of Magic. Maud looked at the crystal with a cursory, almost bored expression at first. However, this quickly became a capital-L Look comparable to the might of Fluttershy’s own Stare. The rock fractured down the middle, allowing a small purple rock of energy to fall out, taking all the color of the Element with it. Loki collected it and placed it with the other two. 

“Done,” Maud said. “I hope you have extra Elements.”

Pinkie opened a small chest containing five different Elements of Magic. “Maud, we’ve been collecting these things like cookies. We got plenty.”

“You know…” Roxy said, tapping her foot while looking at the pile of treasure. “A pile of treasure is good, yeah, but Vriska likes something even better than treasure…”

“What?” Pinkie asked.

“Hunting for it.” Roxy rubbed her hands together. “We should start hiding everything all around the party planets! It’d be an excellent treasure-hunt madhouse!”

“We will need to keep tabs on where every artifact is,” Carnelian said. “Don’t want security freaking out.”

“I can do that,” Loki said, bowing slightly. “Cataloging relics of power is somewhat of a hobby of mine. Who knows, I may even find that we’ve accidentally grabbed another Infinity Stone.”

“You sure you’re up for it?” Pinkie asked.

“Positive. Though I will still join you on some of your outings. We have time.”

“You’re the best, Loki!”

Elsewhere, a pink pegasus mare was watching the events through a crystal ball. Cozy Glow cackled. “They suspect nothing…” She was far from the filly she once was, and now her menacing expression actually looked like it belonged on her face. She had grown into her role rather well, with time. 

Next to her, Tirek looked up from his magazine. “Can we do anything yet?”

“Shh, not yet, not yet, not for a while yet… but eventually, eventually they will have gathered everything.” Cozy’s cackling soon grew out of control, filling the air with the promise of a crazy, insane plan. 


~~~


Celia, a Gem fusion that was both a Sweetie Belle and a Rarity, led Allure and Corona into the Infinite Carousel’s ‘site of primary operation’ which was, fittingly, a space station vaguely styled after a carousel that would spin forever, providing artificial gravity. The universe it was located in had ‘air’ in space, so the three of them were easily able to fly and float their way through the blackness to the rotating settlement. 

The history of the Infinite Carousel and Merodi Universalis was… annoying, to say the least. The Infinite Carousel got its start slightly before Merodi Universalis did, and they were aware of each other more or less from the starts of their formations. However, the moment Merodi Universalis decided to take a stance against big business, the previously friendly Infinite Carousel balked. 

Their entire purpose in existing was to pool the resources of all Rarities together to create the biggest business in existence! How dare their ‘friends’ create laws that would prevent that efficiency? However, they were small, and hadn’t been a large part of Merodi Universalis’ economy. So these objections were brushed under the rug and the two groups became further separated.

While Merodi Universalis continued to grow exponentially, the Infinite Carousel grew carefully. Every step they took was to improve their business model, self-oriented economy, and monetary flexibility. They were by no means an evil corporation, since they didn’t seek to actively exploit the consumer for every dollar they were worth, but the presence of the Infinite Carousel sure became oppressive for many universes. “Of Raritys, by Raritys, for everyone.”

Now, though they had significantly fewer members, they were about as influential as the Sparkle Census in terms of resources and power. This power only kept growing as their ‘gracefully elegant’ economic engine continued to produce more and more profit and expansion. 

These days, they were continually knocking at Merodi Universalis’ door, trying to get in. Anti-business laws prevented direct product generation, but they were technically a foreign power so traditional trade was encouraged. This had created a sort of ‘economic war’ between the Commerce Division and the Infinite Carousel, where the Infinite Carousel did something kinda-sorta-probably illegal by Merodi law and the Commerce Division shouted at them until they stopped, but at that point the Carousel was already working somewhere else.

The Carousel got into the news a lot these days because of this, but only the people who actually dealt with them understood exactly how annoying their antics were. Corona and Allure were not those people. Celia, unfortunately, was, due to her connections to Affix and Mattie, both of whom had been part of the Carousel at one point in their lives. The Carousel just wouldn’t leave them alone, and as a part-Rarity gem, she got dragged into it just like everyone else. 

“They are not going to like you,” Celia said as they landed on the station, walking through the open ‘windows’ onto the rotating part of the Carousel. 

“Not surprising,” Corona admitted. “But they have to listen to me, at least.”

“I’m just annoyed we didn’t find anything out from the Census…” Allure groaned.

“You’re being stonewalled,” Celia reported. “It’ll take a long time to break that down. Probably not worth it.”

“How can one mare stonewall us!?”

“Normally that would be difficult. But that was the Sparkle Census you’re dealing with. Their paperwork is essentially a self-perpetuating stonewall even if there isn’t malicious intent. If there is, it’s not difficult at all to send someone into an infinite spiral of signatures, eloquent words, and waiting rooms.”

Allure took a deep breath. “And the Carousel is going to be different?”

“In the Carousel, enough money or stature will buy you anything,” Celia said with a smirk. “Corona?”

“My salary as a Second is absurd,” Corona admitted. “I don’t use most of it, and I donate a lot of it to medical research. But even a month’s wages would be enough to make some kings faint.”

Allure blinked. “Oh yeah, we do get paid for what we do. Strange, I almost never think about that. I live in a tiny house in Celestia City for crying out loud! I could buy my own space station!”

“Do you want to?”

“Eh, not really, Celestia City’s cool.”

The Carousel itself was beautiful, designed to be the perfect mixture of structurally sound patterns and natural shapes. The entire station was one giant room criss-crossing with metallic vines, crystalline screens, and images of Rarity everywhere. Surprisingly, only about half the ponies around were Rarities – the rest were customers. An endless supply of ‘commoners’ looking to buy anything ranging from dresses to art to a surprising amount of grocery produce. Evidently more than a few Rarities were farmers, for some reason. 

“Welcome to the Prime Carousel!” a Rarity in a navy-esque uniform said, a grin on her face. “What can I help you with today?”

“Corona Shimmer, Merodi Universalis,” Corona said. “Looking to talk to one of the Rarities in charge.”

“Oh, I’m afraid Magnum is a bit indisposed at the moment.”

“…Your head is named Magnum?” Allure gawked. 

“Oh yes. Unusual name, I know, but that’s what she wanted. C.E.O. of the Prime Carousel needs a fancy name, wouldn’t you think? I can introduce you to some other Rarities though, they should be able to answer any questions you want!”

Corona pulled out her Merodi quid card. “I’m the Research Second. Examine the amethyst coating on this card.”

“I actually meant it, she is indisposed,” the Rarity said with a sigh. “I’m not sure what to tell you. I can get you a nice hotel with that and you can wait for her? Or perhaps you could just talk to the other Rarities? I could forward you to Rimmy, she’s got access to business documents, though I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how fickle those are.” She laughed as if she had just said the most hilarious thing. 

Celia frowned. “Dear, you’re not fooling anyone. Just tell us where we need to go. We don’t need to see Magnum, but we do need to figure out about your increases in activity.”

“Ah…” the Rarity frowned. “Not even going to try to be subtle?”

“No.”

“Very well. Wander around the Prime Carousel for a while, I’ll be sure to get somepony to talk to you.” She teleported away.

“…So, what, we wait?” Allure asked.

Celia growled. “No. She’s not getting anyone. We’ll just have to buy our way up there the old fashioned way…”

“Hey! Um, you wanna buy a dress?” 

Celia turned her head rapidly to see a familiar Rarity standing behind a little ‘dresses’ storefront.

“Charity!? You joined the Carousel!?”

Charity blinked. “Oh, um, no, I’m just getting some side money here. They told me it’d be a ‘good gig’ and it has been going well so far.”

“They’re trying to suck you in.”

“Yeah. I know. But, um, I’m smarter than that?”

“This place is run by Rarities, if they wanted to they could scam you out of your life.”

“Oh. …Do you wanna buy a dress though?”

“Not really,” Corona said.

“Aww, but I got the new ‘Rogue of Doom’ outfit! It’s all the rage!”

Corona stared at the offending thing sitting behind the counter. “…No…”

Celia blinked. “Charity, where did you get these? You weren’t on the dress project.”

“I, um, well I don’t know, the Carousel just provided them for me. I’m selling them with my own stuff for added benefits.”

“Okay, first of all, you’re being scammed into liking them. Second of all, pretty sure that means Mattie went against Renee’s wishes.”

“Oh. Sorry.” 

“Can you at least tell us where someone in charge is?” Allure asked. 

“Oh, well, you can talk to Lilith.” Charity pointed behind them. “She’s right over there.”

Lilith was a thin, yet muscular Rarity with numerous scars all over her body. Three sharp claw marks crossed one of her eyes, the socket covered up by an embroidered eyepatch. 

“…She looks like a Little Miss Rarity,” Allure said, shivering.

“She is,” Charity admitted. “But she’s, like, different now. We had a chat over some spaghettinoodles. She’s actually quite interesting.”

Celia took a breath and nodded. She trotted right over to the scarred mare. “Lilith?”

“Ah, Celia, right?” Lilith smiled, the action making the three visitors uncomfortable. “I am afraid I cannot help you.”

“Why not?”

“Simple, really. Your questions are a threat to business, so the Carousel has been instructed as a whole not to answer them.” Her smile was creepily unwavering. “Sorry, but you’re going to have to use something other than direct methods to get to the bottom of the little mystery of yours.”

“What could be so important that the Carousel turns down mountains of money?” Corona asked.

“The whole point is not to let you know.” Lilith snickered. “Good luck trying to buy your way to the top here. You’ll end up with a million trinkets, an empty bank account, and a bunch of pitying looks.”

Celia furrowed her brow, thinking.

“Celia, you may be a mastermind, but how many Raritys in here match or even surpass your skills? You’re in very unfriendly territory. They’ll cut you up and eat you!” She grinned psychotically, no longer bothering to hide behind a delicate mask. “You’ll need to try something else.”

Celia fumed inwardly – but outwardly she simply bowed. “You are correct. Everyone, let’s go, they’re barring us. Charity, come along.”

“But dress-”

“Charity, I said come along. I don’t want them to take you too.”

“We do not take! We only give!” Lilith called after them.

“You should talk to Pippy about the idea of ‘Corrupted Generosity’ sometime!” Allure shot back.

Lilith didn’t respond with anything more than a demented giggle. 


~~~


The ‘Grand Tour’ had decided to avoid the Unrealities. After all, you needed a ship and a lot of high-end reality anchor devices to properly explore that region and not have your brain explode and implode simultaneously. So the Primary Team was instead wandering, slowly, through the Great Void of the multiverse, leisurely meandering toward the E-Sphere with help from Empress Twilight’s Void society and their maps.

Currently, they were on a planet that had several suns. The arrangement of these suns made it in such that the planet never experienced night – just varying levels of ‘day’ at all times. Today, however, there was going to be an eclipse on the side of the planet where there was only one sun, bringing night to the planet at long last. 

The Primary Team had already gone around giving the inhabitants of the world electric lights and told them exactly what was going to happen so they wouldn’t freak out. Which was apparently a good thing – since Flutterfree had read the source material with Eve at one point. It ended in the night driving the people mad, according to her anyway. Her memory wasn’t the best, she admitted. 

“I still don’t get how darkness would drive people mad,” Vriska said, staring at the last visible sun as it got closer and closer to being covered. “It’s just darkness.”

“And most of them have never seen darkness before,” Renee pointed out. “It’s a thing they simply don’t experience.”

“Plus, it makes a good story if they go mad,” Nova said, tapping her hoof-screen. “What was the guy’s name? Asimov?”

“I think so,” Flutterfree admitted.

“Yeah, he was an author; Prophet or no, he knew what made a good story. We just came in to keep them from, y’know, exploding under their own mental weight. Or whatever.” She shrugged.

“It does feel nice to save an entire society,” Renee admitted. “It’s different, doing it from afar… you don’t feel as connected to the actions. You feel…” Just then, the sun vanished completely behind the hitherto-unknown second planet, plunging the world into night. The sky lit up with millions of blazing stars, far more than would be found in a normal night sky. It was more than enough to see by, easily defining the blades of grass beneath their hooves. “…like they’re in shadow.”

The conversation ended right then and there – for Adagio came out of nowhere and drove the razor-sharp ends of her claws right into Renee, drenching her white coat in blood. Renee’s scream was more one of surprise than pain. 

“Far away from home, huh?” Adagio asked – trying to dodge out of the way of Star Platinum, but the time stop refused to let her complete the action. Coughing up blood onto her strange human-fish hybrid body, she grinned. “There’s no help coming for you this time…”

Four strange beings appeared behind her. Of them, only the once-firelord Ozai was easily recognizable to the Primary Team. The Apple Bloom of shadow was beyond them, the chaos warrior looked like any other member of his kind, and the unusual physiological proportions of the Starlight did not ring any bells. 

“…Ozai!?” Nova blurted. “How are you alive!? How are you young!?”

“A gift,” Ozai shouted, charging Nova at full speed with all the fire he could muster. Nova erased time for a couple seconds. He missed easily and found himself face-first in the ground, grunting. 

“ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!” Star Platinum shouted, driving his fists forward, only for the chaos warrior to meet them with his chainaxe. Somehow, his weapon was able to interact with the Stand, cutting up both its and Jotaro’s fingers. Jotaro had already stopped time once, so his obvious advantage was gone. That said, he was able to wrap the man up in Hermit Purple… for all of a second. The man’s strength far outclassed Jotaro’s own: the power of a Khorne Berserker. 

Flutterfree jumped the Apple Bloom with Lolo, finding that she was nothing more than a husk – a husk that was attached to a monstrous intelligence in another universe entirely. She pulled back to avoid getting infected – but already darkness was swirling out of the Apple Bloom and grabbing hold of her. “VRISKA!” Flutterfree called.

Vriska had already managed to jump over an attack from Adagio. With amazing finesse, she landed right on top of the Apple Bloom and drove her sword right into the ‘filly’s’ skull. Instantly the connection between the husk and the darkness was severed, and the enemy team was down one. 

“WHAT!?” Adagio shouted. “That was the Mindflayer! That shouldn’t have been th-”

Renee smacked Adagio across the face with a magic frying pan construct. She may have been bleeding profusely, but she held a satisfied grin on her face. ”You can’t just overpower us with a simple ambush, dear. We’re better than that.”

“We’re better than this!” Adagio shouted – ignoring the sounds of her chaos warrior getting pummeled into the ground. “We’re better than you!”

“Not necessarily true,” the Starlight said, appearing behind Adagio. “But we sure can try.” She popped a candy in her mouth and gained the cutie mark of a Pinkie. She suddenly appeared behind Renee with a squeaky hammer and an amused grin. “Fore!” She hit Renee right in her wound, sending her flying down the hill. 

Flutterfree caught Renee before she landed. 

Nova used the opportunity to erase time again, kicking her alternate self to the ground. The Starlight attempted to find a talent that would counteract the twisted manipulation of time, but she found that she had none that could do such a thing. “Guess I lose.” 

“Yare yare daze…” Jotaro muttered, punching the Starlight in the face. She flew into Ozai – who had just freed himself – and the two of them became a dazed pile of bodies on top of the chaos warrior.

“No!” Adagio shouted, curling her fishy hands into a fist. “You can’t just… win like this!”

“You should have had put a little more effort into it,” Jotaro commented, striding up to her. 

“You… are telling me to put in more effort? I waited until you were far from Merodi Universalis! I attacked with surprise! I mortally wound-”

Nova healed Renee up without much of an issue.

Adagio twitched. “You… You…”

“Did nothing to you,” Renee said, checking to make sure her glasses were fine. “You… are Equis Vitis Adagio, correct? None of us have met you before in our lives. Why is your revenge directed at us?”

“You built this society.” Adagio pointed an accusatory finger at Renee. “Because of you, I have no sisters!”

“Last I heard Sonata was doing just f-”

“I. Have. No. Sisters,” Adagio interrupted with a low, growling tone. “You took one away, and killed the other. You’re going to pay for that.”

“Not by your hand,” Nova commented, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yes by my hand! I w-”

Flutterfree bonked her on the back of the head with her hoof, brimming with just enough Rage to knock her out. 

The eclipse ended, returning day to the world. 

“…Cool,” Vriska said, folding her arms. “But kind of disappointing.” She kicked Adagio, getting no response. “Man that was lame.”

“They just don’t make bad guys like they used to,” Renee lamented. “Oh well. Shall we continue the tour?”

“Sure,” Vriska said, putting her hands in her pockets. “…Get good, scrubs, and maybe you can challenge us again.”

The chaos warrior groaned as the Primary Team left the universe. 


~~~


Eve woke up one morning to find Philomena sitting on her horn. The phoenix had recently regenerated and was gently preening her wings. 

After Eve’s initial freakout she had realized that she hadn’t really seen much of Philomena in years. Sure, the bird had been around the castle here and there, but ever since the Bloodbath…

“Nice to see you up and about,” Eve said, smiling. 

The legendary bird squawked back at her. 

“Right… Flutterfree’s out… I’ll…” She made her way down the halls of Canterlot Castle to Luna’s chambers. If Luna had followed the schedule, she should still be awake for a few hours. She gently rapped on the door. 

Luna opened it up and raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t it a bit early for our breakfast?”

Eve nodded, gesturing to the bird sitting on her back. “She was in my room this morning.”

“Ah,” Luna said with a careful nod. “It appears she has chosen a new pet pony.”

“…What?”

“Dear sister was always the first to admit she had not chosen Philomena, Philomena had chosen her. Enjoy your newfound companion.” Luna shut the door.

“Wh – Luna! Luna get out here right now!”

“As the rightful ruler of Equis Vitis I refuse!”

“…But breakfast!”

“I’ll be down for breakfast, don’t worry. But you need to sort things out with your new master.”

“I am Evening Sparkle, Overhead of Relations, I don’t have a master!” Eve wailed.

“Tell that to the bird.”

Eve glared at the phoenix. Philomena pecked her at the base of the horn. “Ow! Hey! Listen here, just because you’ve ‘chosen’ me doesn’t mean you get to interfere with my job. I have a lot of stuff to do and not enough time to do it, even with the workday reformation bill. And then there’s th-”

“IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR THE PRINCESS!” a unicorn shouted. Eve recognized him – one of the diplomats at the Relations Division, a blue unicorn by the name of Arcane.

“Uh, which one?” Eve asked.

“Both? The mayor of Ponyville is trying to declare Canterlot a suburb!”

“HE’S WHAT!?” Luna shouted, tearing the door off its hinges. “WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS!?””

Arcane gulped. “Mayor of a ‘village’ so large it has begun to surround Canterlot Mountain?”

“HE WILL HAVE TO TAKE THIS UP WITH ME!” Luna declared. Then, turning off the Royal Canterlot Voice, she coughed awkwardly. “Take me to him as soon as your earliest convenience.”

“I can do that now.”

“It looks like I will be missing breakfast,” Luna admitted with a sigh. “I know Spike puts a lot of effort into those pancakes. Tell him I’m sure they would have been wonderful.”

“Sure,” Eve said. Part of her wanted to go with Luna. But she knew that internal affairs of Equis Vitis was Luna’s job. Eve’s responsibilities lay elsewhere. 

Philomena pecked her again.

“Are you trying to aggravate me?”

The legendary bird chirped.

“Right, don’t even know why I’m asking, you chose Celestia of all ponies, of course you are.” She rubbed her head with a hoof. “What a great start to the day…”

She knew the moment she said that it was going to get worse. 


~~~


Grogar looked up from his crystal ball. “I find myself wondering where this is going.”

The Dude folded his hands, silent for a few moments. The salt of the ocean came in with the breeze, leaving a bad taste in both of their mouths.

“The plans are moving along. Relations has been infiltrated. The ‘self-societies’ are being aggravated from within. We have tabs on the entire artifact store. Now we must wait.”

“What of Adagio? She lies outside our vision.”

“Yours,” the Dude corrected. “Outside yours. I see her. She had an initial failure, but she will get up and try again. A story of struggle.”

Grogar furrowed his brow. “And if she fails utterly?”

“If I do not want her to fail, she will not.”

“Hmm…” Grogar growled. “And even if you are wrong, they are but pebbles in the long run.”

“All it takes is one pebble in the right place to bring down a castle. And that is the game we are playing, Grogar. Raising armies does not work against them, and neither does flat-out overpowering. We must be clever to even hope of threatening them.”

“I am aware of the nuances of the plan, do not treat me like a child,” Grogar hissed. “I am expressing my doubts that you are the true mastermind you claim to be.”

“You’ve been patient for over a thousand years, Grogar. Why can you not be patient for a few months?”

“Because if this fails, I will be waiting another thousand years.”

“Grogar, if they find some way to pull out of this, you will not get another chance.”

“All the more reason for my concern.”

“Do you have a better idea at the moment?”

Grogar fell silent. “No.”

“Then we continue with what has already been set in motion.”


~~~


Eve’s day definitely got worse. 

She had barely started her breakfast when Cessera had called her into an urgent meeting of the Relations, Military, and Aid Divisions. Something big had just happened, and it had to be something unexpected because she had no idea what it was. As she galloped through the streets of Celestia City to the Relations Division Primary Office, she caught up on what she could on a data pad, Philomena flying close behind her. 

Topic of the day: Many Conversion Bureau worlds have banded together to form a single, cohesive union. 

And at reading that Eve’s stomach twisted into a pretzel. Of all the things that had gone wrong under her authority, this had to be one of the worst. The Conversion Bureau worlds were a series of Equis’ that had a variation on a single theme: converting all other worlds and races into ponies themselves. When Eve had first heard about them, she’d assumed they were just outliers, worlds where the ponies were nothing like standard and had become militaristic ‘we are always right’ overlords. 

A few of them were like that. But most of them could easily be mistaken for a standard Equis with the same ponies that behaved in the same way in almost every situation… except they believed the right way to deal with other worlds was to convert everything and everyone in them to a pony. In some of the cases, this was a tragedy that had to be done for the sake of stability, and when the Merodi came in they could stop this tragedy to the relief of both the ponies and the other race – usually human. 

But in far, far too many of the cases, the transformation wasn’t seen as an unfortunate necessity or a tragedy, it was seen as ponykind’s right to ‘fix’ the worlds they came across through any means necessary. All worlds encountered would be forced to become ponies. The reasons varied. One of the most common was that ‘ponies are superior’. But with the ever-so-common mind-altering version of the transformation, it became ‘we will program the violence out of you so you will never want to hurt anyone ever again. Come and be with us, we will make you better than you are, whether you like it or not.’

They disgusted Eve. They reminded her of what she and Merodi Universalis never wanted to be. It had not been hard to classify the Conversion Bureau worlds as one where interference was not only necessary, but needed to be large-scale and rapid. They would move in and, in no uncertain terms, declare the war over and offer to undo any damage that had been done by the pony transformation, if possible. It wasn’t always possible. 

This had been going on for a few years… But apparently, behind their backs, several Conversion worlds had just banded together and declared that they weren’t going to listen to Merodi Universalis. They had restarted Conversion operations this morning, and Merodi Universalis needed to decide its response. 

She teleported into the office. She was one of the first to arrive – though the Aid Overhead was already there; Jingle, the Luna of Squeaky Belle's world. Her poor Second arrived a moment later. She was the youngest of all Overheads, a Ga named Iris just put into her position last week. She was doing a good job of keeping herself calm, but her position in Aid had always been one of empathy, so Eve suspected the Ga would make her emotions very clear soon enough. Cessera was already there as well – along with Astrid and Aquamarine, to Eve’s surprise. 

“They were invited?” Eve asked.

“They were there when the call came in,” Cessera said. “She was trying to come to a peace treaty with one of the Celestias when they revealed the entire thing.” 

“Ah,” Eve nodded, the answer satisfying her. “…Possible courses of action?”

“Talk to them or blow them up.” Cessera pointed at Jingle and the recently-arrived O’Neill. 

“Surely we can find a middle option…”

“Depends on how aggressive we want to be.”

Eve ruffled her wings, allowing the conversation to die out. The room fell silent as various Relations, Military, and Aid personnel filed in around the table. When the clock struck 9:00 local time, Eve cleared her throat. “The Conversion Bureau worlds have banded together to defy the limitations we placed on their expansive policies. As of this morning, they have restarted conversion efforts. Time is of the essence – we need to decide what we are going to do about this.”

“They need help,” Iris declared, slamming her hands on the table. “We need to get Education involved, take their minds off this horrid path.”

“They’re not going to let us do that,” O’Neill countered. “We’ll need to exert pressure.”

“We can’t do that,” Eve said, shaking her head. “Their coalition is large enough and strong enough to heavily damage Merodi Universalis. They won’t win, but do we really want to risk collateral damage on that scale?”

Astrid spoke up, surprising Eve and most everyone else at the table. “We don’t have a choice. I’ve been working among these Conversion worlds for the last few weeks, they don’t listen to reason. The only reason they weren’t fighting before was because we were too strong a presence. They are gambling on our unwillingness to show true military force. We can’t let them take that gamble.”

“Agreed,” O’Neill said.

“No!” Eve shouted. “They’re just misguided ponies!” She pressed her hooves together. “With their current mindset, I don’t see them backing down from a confrontation until they lose hope. And, as a heavily ideological group, that may not happen for a long time. We don’t need a war, what we need to do is talk them down. If we decimate them, there will be nothing to recover, and we will suffer for it.”

“We should be willing to give a little of ourselves for the sake of those that are being transformed,” Astrid countered.

“I am not arguing that. I am saying we shouldn’t make that sacrifice if we don’t have to. We don’t need to trigger the largest war in Merodi history over this.”

“Coming from the mare who was ready to go take Skarn down not but a few months ago.”

Eve growled. “His atrocities know no bounds. He twists thousands of worlds into a pseudo-death whenever he wants. All the Conversion Worlds do is force a handful of worlds here and there into submission. The level of damage is not the same. And we are talking about ponies. Some of them retain a conscience through this. We can appeal to them.”

“The Flowers have repeatedly visited this cluster, Eve. They have proven that some of the transformation spells remove free will and souls entirely, creating a world of organic machines. This cluster is rife with glitches! What makes you think you can reason with that?”

“We have had luck in the past, Astrid. We had treaties – treaties you were supposed to be upkeeping.”

“This isn’t my fault!” Astrid gawked.

“No, but given your attitude toward them, I can’t help but think you may have pushed some away from us.” 

Eve wasn’t sure what to make Astrid’s expression. It wasn’t pure anger… was there surprise in there?

Aquamarine took over. “Clearly we’re at an impasse. We do not have time to deliberate further. We need to decide – do we attack or do we take the weak route?”

“Uncalled for,” Cessera chided. 

Aquamarine didn’t care. “Well? There are three Overheads, take a vote.”

“Attack,” O’Neill said. “They had their chance to go with us peacefully.”

“Diplomacy,” Eve reiterated.

“I agree with Eve,” Jingle said. “We need to at least try talking to them first.”

Astrid glared at the alicorn. “…Fine. But when things start falling apart, don’t come crying to me.”

“We won’t be.”

The meeting was adjourned, and Eve immediately prepared passage to the Conversion Bureau cluster.


~~~


Renee looked up at the Monolith. Several varieties of Kirby danced around it while the sky lit up like a fractal, sending trains made of popcorn into the land below. 

Well, we tried to avoid the Unrealities, at least…

“Renee!” Vriska called. “Snap out of it, we have to get the last Cuil so we can reactivate the waffle matrix!”

“Do we really have to?” Renee asked as cows flew past Vriska. 

“I… Uh…” Vriska pondered this for a moment. “Why are we doing this?”

“I’ve been trying to tell you!” Flutterfree screeched, a few purple sparks flying off her eyes as Lolo glitched in and out of existence. “This world isn’t going to be fixed no matter what we do!”

One of the Kirbys swallowed Flutterfree whole and copied her powers. She popped out the other end, unharmed, but looking like she’d seen a ghost that had been a child version of herself. “Wh… wh…”

“Let’s get out of here, then!” Renee shouted, pulling out the dimensional device. “Is everyone ready?”

“I don’t know where Jotaro is!” Nova called, deflecting a rain of lapis lazuli stones. “I don’t have him on my scans!”

“Do you have anything on your scans?” Nova asked.

“Nothing besides the monolith over there!”

“Thank you for noticing me,” the Monolith said. “Please, continue noticing me.”

“Where’s Jotaro?” Rene asked, ignoring the feeling she had of spiders crawling under her skin. 

“He already made it out through a time-displaced portal you are about to make,” the Monolith declared. “You may want to make that or risk tearing another Cuil level into this world.”

“What’re the consequences of that?”

A giant human head appeared between them and the Monolith. “Hello! I’m the Nostalgia Criti-”

“DONE!” Renee declared, activating her dimensional device randomly. It jumped in and out of time for a moment before the four of them jumped through it. They found themselves on top of a futuristic skyscraper overlooking a massive war taking place between two insane armies. Missiles flew, heads exploded, and buildings collapsed in heaps. But at least it appeared to be consistent. 

That is, until a very large man picked up a gas truck with his psychic powers and threw it into the opposing army, decimating them. 

“Where’s Jotaro?” Renee asked, not fazed in the slightest by the psychic powers. She could have done something like that with minimal effort. 

“I’ve got him,” Nova said, checking her screen. “He’s… Uh…” She pointed at a skyscraper across the street from them. On the roof Jotaro was fighting a woman they recognized as none other than Jane the Evermore. It was impossible to read Jotaro’s expression since, as usual, he was strolling around with his hands in his pockets while Star Platinum did everything. However, it was easy to tell from Jane’s expression that this was a friendly spar rather than a full-on-fight. 

“STAR PLATINUM: THE WORLD!” Time shifted, and Jane was on the ground.

“Nice trick. But y-” Jane found herself wrapped up in the vines of Hermit Purple, barely able to move. “Hrrrg…”

“ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!”

Jane somehow managed to stay standing despite the repeated punches and vines. With a twist, she brought out a glowing purple pickaxe and hit the ground beneath Jotaro, taking it away in an instant. As he was falling, she kicked him in the stomach and knocked him onto his back. 

Jotaro grunted.

“Come on!” Jane said, slinging her pick behind her back. “Best two out of three?”

“GUYS!” Flutterfree shouted. “There is a WAR going on outside! And you two are SPARRING!?”

Jane blinked. “Well, yeah. We have no idea of the context of the war. And I’d rather not just make it worse by trying to make them stop.”

“But… we… I…”

“Best two out of three,” Jotaro agreed, jumping back up to meet Jane. As fists and blades flew once more, Renee put a hoof on Flutterfree’s shoulder. 

“Just let them have their fun, dear. We can figure out this war on our own time.” 

Someone’s psychic powers threw a man like a ragdoll over them. When he hit a nearby wall he clipped through it and exploded like he was made of grenades. 

“Ah. Video game physics. Joy.”

“…I can hear someone screaming ‘noooooo’ in horrible acting,” Vriska commented. “Geez…”

There was a crash from the other skyscraper. 

“Best three out of five?” Jane offered to a once-again downed Jotaro. 

“Yare yare daze…”


~~~


“Round three,” Corona said, walking into the Pinkie Emporium alone.

“Wow!” a Pinkie said, jumping right in front of her. “It’s not every day you walk into the doors of our park, Miss Shimmer!” She pulled a pink pencil out from behind her ear and held up a clipboard. “What can I do for you?”

“You guys have management, right?”

“Eeyep! The cat was just voted in last week!”

“…Someone I can talk to about possible political weirdness?”

“Oh, you’ll want Curly Fry Pie. Don’t worry, I gotcha covered. HEY CURLY FRY!”

Curly Fry turned out to just be a Pinkie in a ‘fancy politician wig’. “My political wig is tingling, that means there must be fadoodles afoot!”

“Uh huh…” Corona said. “Anyway, I’ve been looking into the Infinite Carousel and Sparkle Census for – geez, it’s been a few months already – and I’ve been politically stonewalled or swindled out of getting any answers forever. The League’s resources haven’t managed to break through their ‘fun’ either. We’re suspecting major foul play for something, but we don’t know what!”

“Wow!” Curly Fry said. “That sounds like a big deal!”

“Do you know anything?”

“Nope! We’ve been sending Pinkie agents into both places for about the same time as you and we’ve got nothing!”

“Wait, we have?” the Pencil-Pie said. “I thought we specifically didn’t.”

“No, we did, and I got a report last week.”

“But opposite day was part of last week!” a frying-pan Pinkie offered. 

“No, that was the ‘burn down Wonder Park’ event,” three mini-Pinkies said at once.

“NO!” a dragon Pinkie declared, stepping into the conversation. “We didn’t burn down the Wonder Park! They burned down themselves! And that’s all there is to say on the matter!”

“Suuuuure,” Curly Fry said with a roll of her eyes.

“Don’t you guys have, like, paperwork?” Corona asked.

“Oh yes!” Curly Fry said. 

“…Can I see it?”

“I have no idea where it is, the Party Caves merged into a sapient entity a few years ago. It’s manifesting randomly and it’s a good day when we can find it and get what we need out of it. Any and all attempts at making a separate repository have just made the Party Cave Entity bigger.”

Corona looked at her with horror in her eyes. “Why haven’t you dealt with that?”

“I was just joking.”

“You were?” Pencil-Pie said. “That’s weird, my Party Cave got lost last week.”

“That’s because of L-Space,” a Twilight-Pinkie said with a roll of her eyes. “I mean, logistically speaking enough party planning files would constitute a library and be folded into L-Space…”

“Ooh ooh ooh! What if there’s some kind of conspiracy?” the mini-Pinkies asked.

“I’m pretty sure there is,” Corona said, already tired of this.

“Woah, what are we gonna do about it?” Curly Fry asked.

“FRYING PANS SOLVE EVERYTHING!” the frying-pan Pinkie declared. 

“No, that’d be fire,” the dragon said. 

“Kill them all,” a Pinkamena growled. “Drain their blood and lick up whatever isn’t dry by the time their lives are no more…”

A normal Pinkie gasped. “Woah! Somepony needs to go back to rehabilitation!” 

“None of you know anything, do you?” Corona asked.

“Nope!” they all said as one. 

“Yay,” Corona deadpanned. “Thanks for the help.”

“Don’t mention it!” Pencil-Pie said, waving. 

“Wow, we’re useless aren’t we?” a normal Pinkie asked.

“Maybe the fourth wall has gotten just a little too weak.”

“How would we even fix that?”

“No idea! Maybe we should throw the idea at Research until they do something!”

“All their ka machines explode, that’s silly.”

“But we can strengthen the fourth wall!”

“That’s not happening. And that’d ruin all the party-fun anyway!”

“How would you know?”

“I do and don’t! Yippee!”

Corona couldn’t imagine living with that constant insanity. She had no idea how the Pinkies managed with so many of themselves around…

“BECAUSE WE LIKE OURSELVES!”

“STOP READING MY MIND!” Corona shouted back.

“Not our choice!”

“AUGH!”


~~~


Loki found the idea hilarious. That should have been the first warning. 

Unfortunately, the only things around to hear the plan were Roxy, who came up with the idea in the first place, and a party table. The table in question had been built by the Everykid for one purpose and one purpose only – to be a smug dancing stage. Hat Kids of all sorts would come away from their strangely cute and yet sad kart racing to dance upon the table for no good reason. 

The table didn’t mind. It was a table. How exactly was it going to care? 

Regardless, one day the table was witness to a clash of giants. Loki and Roxy brought in a box and, quite rudely, put it on the table. This is not what it was intended to do, and had it been able to care, it would have put up quite a fuss.

But, again, this thing was just a table. A good for nothing wooden table. With a human-sized box on it. 

Pinkie strode into the room and gasped. “A present!? For me!?” She tossed the Time Stone she had just picked up into the pile – smaller now, since much of it had been hidden away among the party planets. 

Pinkie bounced up to the box and threw it open, excited to see what was inside. 

A middle-aged man with unruly brown stubble and suction-cups on his limbs shot out. “You fucking thief!”

“Wh- what!?”

“You’re stealing my schtick!” Suction Cup Man shouted, swinging a suction cup at Pinkie, only for her to dodge to the side with a quick roll. 

“No no no! I’m the Suction Cup Pony!” Pinkie shouted, pulling out her suction cups on her hooves. “See? You can’t kill Suction Cup Pony!”

“YOU CAN’T KILL SUCTION CUP MAN!”

“Well that’s also true, bu-”

“Fuck you!” 

Pinkie gasped. “Ex-cuse me?!”

“You don’t do the Suction Cup Man image justice! You don’t shout! You don’t swear! You don’t sing little songs about your enemies!” He pulled out a guitar and strummed it a few times. “I’m Suction Cup Man, you’re Suction Cup Splat, I wrote this song for you, and I bet you know how it ends! Woooooooooooooah FUUUUUUUUU-”

“FUCK YOU!” Pinkie shouted.

The entire party planet universe collectively gasped. Roxy fell out of her hiding spot, stars in her eyes. “Fuck yes…”

Pinkie grinned, her left eye twitching. “You want full Suction Cup Pony? Well you’re gonna get it!” She stole his guitar and jumped into the air, jumping into her Bard of Space outfit, complete with hat and, to the distaste of everyone, codpiece.

“Pinkie! That’s wrong!” Roxy said, laughing like a madwoman. “So wrong!” 

Pinkie strummed Suction Cup Man’s guitar. 

“I’m the super duper best Suction Cup Pony ever.
Ain’t nobody gonna take me down this tower!
I’m doin’ just fine without a boxed jerk like you,
Popping out and screaming fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck youuuuuuuuuuu~!”

“Get down here right now!” Suction Cup Man demanded. “Or I’ll come up there and get y-”

Pinkie came down and brought his guitar down on his head, smashing it. Then she threw her Bard of Space robes on him.

He seethed. “You. Can’t. Kill. Suction. Cup. Man.”

“You can’t kill Suction Cup P-”

He threw a suction cup into her face and shut her up. She flung her hoof wide and did the same to him. The two of them were soon stuck together in multiple locations, trying to ineffectually kill each other with suction cup power. 

“IT’S TIME FOR A MINIGAME BREAK!” Seskii declared, pulling a screen over the scene.

I let her know how displeased I am at this sudden interruption. 

“Dude, calm down, I’m just going to have some fun, don’t worry-”

What’s going on in there?

Nothing. 

Something’s really weird, and I’m going to get to the bottom of i-

“GUYS!” Seskii waved her hands. “This is the MINIGAME BREAK! Do your meta-shenanigans ELSEWHERE! Got it?”

…If that’s really what you want.

Seskii, I am going to find you and demand some answers.

“I’m not showing up anywhere else in this chapter, so, that’s probably gonna be difficult. Added bonus: I have almost no idea what’s going on either, so yay! ANYWAY, MINIGAME! Hey readers, while two Suction Cup Savants try to prove the other isn’t immortal, why don’t we play a little game? It’s simple really – I’m going to ask a series of SotS trivia questions! And the first person to respond with all the right answers in the comments gets a prize!”



 1 - How old is Vriska right now in human years?

2 - How much longer is the current LONGEST chapter than the SHORTEST chapter by wordcount?

3 - What is the name of Applejack’s husband?

4 - The first Sombra’s Clipshow had an encoded message. How do you decode it?

5 - What is Swip’s crew size?

6 - What is the name of the man who directed the movie about Siron?

7 - What is the full name of Funny Valentine’s Stand?

8 - What Aspects haven’t been used as Arc titles yet?

9 - What was the first appearance (unnamed) of Twilence?

10 - Who is the Dude? Please spoiler this answer in the comments, k? 

NOTE: VoidTemplar2000 got the first 10/10 score, so he won. See his response in the comments for the answers.



"There was going to be a question about how Jotaro and Evening are related, but GM couldn’t remember the exact connection from memory, so he decided that was too cruel. Bonus points, I guess, for posting the answer to that? ANYWAY, load in your answers, leave a comment, and see if you got it right! The answers could be from anywhere – Enchorus, LSB, SotS, maybe even later in this very chapter! The strain is unbearable!”

She coughed. “So, uh, anyway, back to you and the suction cup battle.”

She removed herself from the scene and allowed the point of view to return to the table. …Actually, wait, was the table in there with her?

“Stop asking!”

Fine, Pinkie and Suction Cup Man were now both exhausted and lying on the table. Neither one was dead. 

They did, however, crack a planet in half. Which made Loki laugh uncontrollably while Roxy started panicking. “No no no no we’ve lost half the artifacts on the world and don’t know where they are and there are a lot of portals and and and…”

The table found floating in space to be completely normal and unremarkable. 

“…Loki! What are we going to do!?”

“It was just a few artifacts,” Loki said. “We have them spread out over all these planets. It’s nothing to worry about. Also, I think we have good news too…”

“IT IS DONE!” Mattie declared, throwing a box the size of a garage into Pinkie and Suction Cup Man. “Every custom-made god-tier outfit for everyone who’s going to be at the party!”

Pinkie shook herself out of it and read the fine print on the box. “…Made with assistance from the Infinite Carousel.”

“Hey!” Affix shouted. “I was supposed to be the one to blow her cover!”

“Her cover was blown when Celia came to talk to me a week or so ago,” Pinkie said, crawling onto the top of the box. “You betrayed Renee.”

“Well, I, uh, you see, it was cheaper and more efficient, and, uh, well… Hey look, something uncomfortable to the rest of you that I simply must impale myself on!”

Suction Cup Man blinked. “What?”

She attacked him.

The following scene has been removed so you don’t need to brain bleach your eyeballs. Trust me.


~~~


Renee didn’t know how this happened. 

But the moment they had entered the E-Sphere, they kept running into pony worlds. It was Earth, Earth, Earth… pony. And none of them were normal pony worlds either, they were always weird ponies. Plane ponies, giant ponies, mini ponies, browser ponies, sphinx ‘ponies’… though that last one may not have really counted. 

Through whatever trick of fate, they had not only ended up traveling through these worlds, but picking up a bit of a following along the way. As Renee led her team into the next world, a few dozen ponies ranging from monstrous giants to tiny butterflies came through with them, in awe at yet another Earth. It didn’t matter that all Earths were basically the same, the followers loved them anyway. 

Also by pure luck, they had landed in front of a Welcome to Canada sign. At first, Renee thought it was just the same as any other sign of its kind, until she noticed a very familiar symbol in the bottom left corner. A u with a hook – the mu of Merodi Universalis. 

Renee blinked. “Oh, I think we’ve run into our E-Sphere holdings, everyone. The USM and Earth Tau’ri are probably nearby.”

“Huh. Sweet,” Vriska said. “Guess it’s time for us to get a report on how things have been going back ho-”

A Merodi ship appeared in front of them, hovering in the air. “THIS WORLD IS UNDER THE PROTECTION OF MERODI UNIVERSALI-”

“Hey!” Renee shouted, summoning her Expeditions Overhead badge. “I am Overhead Renee Jackson! We’re just passing through on our tour!”

“…RENEE JACKSON!?”

In an instant, the unmistakable form of Evening Sparkle had teleported right to them. “Flutterfree!” She pulled the yellow pegasus into a hug. “Oh I have missed you so much you have no idea!”

Flutterfree giggled, hugging her back. “What went wrong, Eve?”

“Oh, not much, just, the entire Conversion Bureau cluster uniting against us! Normal stuff!”

“Oh my…” Renee said. “That does sound problematic.”

“Yeah.” Eve said, ruffling her feathers. “Anyway, welcome to Earth Ig-25. This is the most baseline Earth in all of Merodi Universalis. We’re working here to try to appeal to the inner pony of most of the Celestias.”

“I’ve dealt with the Conversion Bureau a few times,” Vriska said, folding her arms. “They tend not to listen to reason. …Unless they’re the tragedy type, but I don’t think we’re talking about those.”

“Yeah, no, no we’re not.” Eve sighed. “Anyway, I’ve been talking with them. It’s… been slow going, but I’m trying to keep a war from breaking out here, so that’s nice.”

“Do we need to come back?” Vriska asked.

“Oh no no no!” Renee said, laughing nervously. “Dear, we’re not warriors, if war breaks out that’s O’Neill’s job.”

“But…”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” Eve said. “Why don’t you tell me about the army you have behind you?”

“Oh!” Renee lit up. “Let me introduce you to Jet-Twi…”

As they did that, Jotaro and Nova walked over to the ship that had originally met them with hostile words. It had landed on the ground and its crew was spreading out, trying to keep the local Canadian civilians from getting too close with a perimeter. Jotaro noticed there were two other Jotaros on the crew, using their muscles and Star Platinums to move heavy boxes of indeterminate purpose around. 

“Hey,” Jotaro said.

“Hey,” one of the others said, hands in his pockets. “I’m Jo. That’s Ja.”

“Hey,” Ja echoed, his hands on his hips since he lacked pockets deep enough for his meaty hands.

Jotaro shook both their hands.

“The original Jotaro…” Ja said, hands on his hips. “Glad to meet you.”

“Your stories are legendary,” Jo added.

Jotaro tipped his hat. “You probably would have done the same things.”

“Nah,” Ja said. “I never married.”

Jo shrugged. “Didn’t even get the Stand until Merodi Universalis showed up.”

“But we found each other.”

“And that’s all we need.”

Jotaro was about to offer some comforting words when he realized the implication. He looked down at Nova. She was trying to keep a straight face, with only minimal success. 

“You got a problem with us?” Ja asked suddenly, aggressive.

“Yare yare daze…” Jotaro muttered, walking away. 

“Hey! Get back here! We aren’t done with you!”

“He’s walking away,” Nova said. “Let him. If you try to confront him on things that make him uncomfortable your heads are likely to explode.”

Ja cracked his knuckles. “We can take him.”

Nova facehooved. “Just… don’t, all right? You can do what you want, but for the love of the Tower, don’t rub it in people’s faces if it’s just going to cause a fight. That’s not heroic or just, that’s cruel and aggravating. You do you.”

The two Jotaros shot her a death glare. She didn’t flinch. 

Flutterfree stepped in between them “Leeeet’s not have an ideological fight over social taboos, okay? Okay. We’re in Canada, be like them and be relaxed.”

“I’m Canadian,” Ja said. 

Flutterfree blinked very slowly. “…This entire scene is a political argument minefield isn’t it?”

“Probably?” Nova said, uncertain. “My ka sensors aren’t exactly the best.”

“Let’s just agree to live with each other and not bite off each other’s heads. Can we do that?”

The Jotaros huffed and walked back into the ship, arm in arm. 

Nova shivered. “Self-daters give me the heeby-jeebies.”

“Nova, they’ll hear you.”

“What? They know!”

“Yes, but they could come running out of there with a double-ORA-Standstorm and we wouldn’t be able to handle it!”

“I see you two are learning the difficulties of being politically correct,” Eve said with a sad smile. “I wish I could say the rest of your stay would be free of that, but this is the site of a Conversion debate, so that’s pretty much out of the question.” She tossed her mane back. “You should get back on your tour. Nothing really for you here. Unless you like standard-Earth Canadian stores.”

Vriska shrugged. “I mean, I do, but I could just go to a different Canada to get my donuts.”

“Donuts?”

“Time for donuts.”

“I don’t get it.”

Vriska grinned. “Good.”


~~~


Lielight – better known as ‘Astrid’ these days – sat in a hotel on Earth Ig-25. She had access to the video feed in the meeting room. Technically, as an employee of the Relations Division, it wasn’t illegal that she had access to the feed. What was illegal was that she had snuck her way into the Relations Division and pretended like she belonged there. Ba’al had been right, nobody had looked close enough to get her out just yet. So far, she hadn’t done anything suspicious. 

Or, well, maybe ‘she’ had, Lielight didn’t exactly know what Chrysalis did to the Waffleborg to get them to go away, nor to the Conversion worlds to get them to unite, and she didn’t want to know. The less she knew about the despicable things the changeling was doing to manipulate events, the better. It was hard enough talking in straight all the time, she didn’t also want to keep her external emotion responses managed when they didn’t match what she wanted. Or did. Ugh. 

She rubbed her head – she felt a headache forming. She decided to ignore her thoughts and focus on Eve’s discussion with three different Celestias. 

“Look,” Eve said. “The simple fact of the matter is they don’t want you to do this to them.”

“That’s hardly stopping you right now,” one of the Celestias said.

“You’re all Celestia, you should be able to easily see the nuanced difference here,” Eve huffed. “We actively work to make the world better while ensuring the continued input of the people there and let them make choices where it’s applicable. Even in one of the worst worlds we’ve found, Galaxus Immaterium, we still give them the freedom to guide their own future. And it’s going pretty well! They’ve come to our aid a few times in thanks! They’re real friends! You should know more than anypony that forced friendship isn’t really friendship!”

Only one of the Celestias seemed moved by this speech. The other two were unimpressed. 

“Overhead Evening, you are correct, it is not real friendship,” the second Celestia admitted. “This does not change the fact that the humans war.”

“Ponies war!”

“Not in my universe, nor several other Conversion worlds. There are already plans to eliminate the desire for war and violence from all.”

Eve looked to the one Celestia who seemed to be having second doubts. “She wants to remove free will.”

“Do we have free will, Eve?” a different Celestia responded. 

“Maybe. And that maybe means we should play it safe rather than sorry.”

“But what of death, Eve? What matters more? Life? Or free will?”

“We disagree on the answer to that question,” Eve pointed out.

“And that’s why we must convert all to ponies, and you must stop us.”

Eve blinked. “Did… did you just ask me to bring the full might of the Merodi down on you?”

“No. I am saying you should realize that our ideals cannot be resolved. Life is the most precious gift of all, and it must be protected at the expense of things that may not even exist, such as choice.”

Lielight could tell Eve was about to explode on them, like she did every meeting. To Eve’s credit, she had managed to get a few Equestrias to pull out of the Conversion Alliance, but nowhere near enough to destabilize them. The grumpy Celestia talking about philosophy and impossible revolutions was the worst offender of all them. Good for Lielight, bad for Eve. Exactly the way she wanted it.

If only these political discussions weren’t so boring. No one spoke in double, and even if they were lying through their teeth (which was rare for these ponies) Lielight could still pry right through it. Just… pointless.

Like the world they were on. A Perfectly Normal Earth that wasn’t force-mundane. As far as anyone could tell, there were no ka-rich individuals in this world. Just people that existed in virtually every Earth doing normal Earth things. Lielight had found the idea of a completely story-less world suddenly being part of a story interesting, so she read up on it. And quickly realized it was so generic. Sure, the story of this or that person was interesting, but it had also happened in every Earth ever. Then the Merodi came in and the Earth was indoctrinated easily since they already knew how to adapt general world patterns into their fold. There were no unexpected incidents, nothing bizarre, and everything went smoothly to the point of any would-be terrorist attacks being stopped before they happened. The Merodi came in, swept the place off its feet, and managed to keep it looking somewhat similar to how it had before. 

It was just that. Standard. Nothing worth writing home about. Even this hotel seemed more boring than usual.

There was a knock at the door. Good. She was expecting this. She opened the door with her magic. 

Adagio walked in, a scowl on her face. “I’m he-”

“Flies on paper,” Lielight said, venom dripping from her voice. Inwardly she was squealing about finally being able to use double again. “The darkness fled.”

“It wasn’t my fault the Mindflayer had such a weak body!”

“A mirror, darkly, menacing.”

“Get off your rump and tell me what you want! I need to keep following them!”

Lielight huffed. “You get Sombra. He’s waiting with the others now.”

“How d-”

“Don’t fail again, Adagio. Don’t do anything traditional to defeat them. It will not work. Be the cat outside the box of uncertainty.” Lielight looked right into the pseudo-siren’s eyes. “Be their end.”

Adagio glared at Lielight. “How is IT’s computer coming along?”

“It is coming along nicely, and predicted your arrival in this world correctly. But as to what else it predicted… Well…”

Adagio stormed out of the hotel room, deciding right then and there she didn’t want to hear what the computer had to say. 

Lielight smirked. “Chinchilla moneysack…”


~~~


“It’s the news at seven with Trixie and Discord!” Discord announced, wearing a spiffy news-anchor suit, matching Trixie’s own outfit. 

“Bringing you the hottest news at the best time – seven o’clock!” Trixie grinned. “And only for one day because there’s no way the broadcasting company is going to let us within five miles of this place when we’re done.”

“Five universes, I bet.”

“Trixie would say ‘you’re on’, but we have a report to make. Ahem.” Trixie adjusted her suit in an attempt to look ‘professional’, failing miserably. “The meetings with the Conversion Bureau Cluster are coming to a head as diplomats on both sides have devolved into petty shouting instead of talking things out like grown adults!”

Discord chuckled. “Really, they should have done this from the start, but did they listen to me? Nooooo!”

“Evening Sparkle has gone on record saying ‘we may not be able to sway them’, which brings up the question – why are we still trying?”

“Because the greatest Overhead ever doesn’t like to admit defeat, clearly. Reminds me of the time I destroyed her book fort. She just kept building it. I eventually let her win out of boredom.”

“Trixie loves that story. We approached one of the Celestias involved in the debate for comment, but all Trixie got was a sunburn for her trouble.”

A video clip played of a Celestia. “Stop following me.”

“Trixie must get a re-”

BZZZZT!

The clip ended, cutting back to Discord’s laughter and Trixie’s disgruntled expression. 

“There you have it folks!” Discord declared. “Your precious Internet celebrity getting zapped by a sun Princess! Now, go and make this a meme!”

“Trixie is having second thoughts about this.”

“They would have memed it anyway.”

“True. Unfortunately. Trixie has taught them too well…” Trixie fake swooned. 

Discord looked at his sheaf of papers upside-down. “In other news, the League of Sweetie Belles had been caught red-handed engaging in illicit espionage into the other self-societies we all hold so dear! The Pinkie Emporium, Sparkle Census, and Infinite Carousel are up in arms about the consistent invasion of privacy, take a look!”

The first clip was of a Rarity. “I have no idea what the little darlings thought they were doing – I suppose they are all my little sister, so it’s not all that unexpected, but really, what were they doing? Why spy on us!? We feel betra-a-ayed!”

The second clip was of a Twilight. “I am afraid we are going to have to card every Sweetie who comes into the Census now to be sure they are not infiltrating places they should not be. This could be a security breach leading to another Collector-type incident if we’re not careful.”

The last clip showed Pencil-Pie. “…There were Sweeties here?”

“And there you have it!” Discord declared – again.

“You’re redundant.”

“And that’s why I’m not a news anchor,” Discord chuckled. “Reeeegardless – look at it people! Brimming tensions in the Conversion Cluster and a League-originating conspiracy! What will they think of next?!”

“Cutting to commercial,” Trixie said. “I think they just figured out how to do i-”

K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K

“Hello, I’m Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite store in Celestia City.”

Twiree the Flat droned in agreement. 


~~~


Allure looked out the front windows of the League of Sweetie Belles.

There was an angry mob composed of Rarities, Twilights, and Pinkies on the other side, shouting at the League as much as at each other. 

Allure calmly took a sip of her coffee. 

It was too early in the morning for this.

"Saigo no jikan wa madjikadesu,” Burgerbelle said.

“Burger, please lay off the extra Japan today.”

“But it’s my birthday,” Suzie said. “I like it.”

Allure examined Suzie in her full on ‘I’m pretending to be an anime villain today’ outfit. “Can I sic you on the mob?”

“Probably a bad idea. Don’t want to bring a society crashing to its knees.”

“Eh. Worth a shot.” Allure took another sip of her coffee. “So what do we do about them?”

“Banish Discord and Trixie to the moon?” Squeaky suggested.

“Celestia City doesn’t have a moon.”

“Some of the fake skies look like they have moons.”

Allure sighed. “I’m more than a little surprised they got this angry this quickly…”

“Probably related to whatever the conspiracy actually is,” Squeaky said. 

“That only explains the Carousel and Census,” Thrackerzod added, throwing her two cents into the ring. “The Pinkies are completely clueless.”

Squeaky huffed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they showed up just because they knew there was going to be a riot today.”

Allure, carefully, took another sip of her coffee. “Okay. So, admitting to it and agreeing to stop isn’t an option since clearly there’s something going on here. Options?”

“Call the cops?” Bot asked.

“We are the cops, more or less.”

“Oh.”

“Distraction,” Thrackerzod suggested. “They’re upset about spying, get them upset about something else. Introduce the Lovers and the Carousel will be biting off the Census’ head for ‘disrespecting the romance’.”

Suzie glared daggers at Thrackerzod. 

“Suzie, I understand you have issues w-”

“We are not using the self-daters, got it?”

Thrackerzod sighed. “We keep them around, might as well use them for something.”

“It’d be bad for public image,” Allure said. “So it’s not a reasonable plan anyway.”

“The Carousel is a self-dating landmine and they don’t have a bad public image!”

“They’re Raritys. They can twist anything to look good. We are not. We’re cute and adorable and supposed to be innocent little marshmallow heroes. We don’t need drama right now.”

Mattie walked into the main lobby. “What a party down here.”

“Ah. Hello, traitor.” Allure said this without malice or even playful bickering. She just seemed bored. 

Mattie rolled her eyes. “Look, it was a mistake to go to them with the dresses, but that’s not really the problem here.”

“I swear you helped the conspiracy somehow,” Suzie muttered.

“Kanojo wa watashitachi to onaji kurai muchida to omoimasu,” Burgerbelle added.

Mattie coughed. “Regardless, this situation with the mob is about to resolve itself.”

“Oh? How?” Allure asked.

Mattie pointed outside. The moment she did so, twenty Scootaloos appeared in front of the mob. 

“WE ARE THE SCOOTALOO SQUADRON!” an adult Scootaloo shouted, her cutie mark manifesting around her like a Stand of some kind – though everyone could see it. “And we will no longer be overshadowed by the rest of you self-societies!”

The Sweeties, Twilights, Rarities, and Pinkies stared at her in disbelief. 

“We’re gonna fuck you up,” a Scootaloo with Reality Anchors said – though she was curiously not a Skaian. 

Another Scootaloo burst with electricity. “We have been the underdogs long enough! Today, all of Merodi Universalis will learn of the Scootaloo Squadron!”

“Uh… what they said!” the Earth Shimmer Scootaloo said, looking very lost and confused. 

There was silence for a solid minute. 

Then the Scootaloos all charged at once with a comical “RAWR” noise. 

Enough Twilights, Rarities, and Pinkies panicked that the mob became so much of a disorganized mess it couldn’t effectively pressure the league anymore. 

“And that’s how you make an entrance!” Stand-cutie-mark Scootaloo said, using her Stand to glue opposing ponies to the ground. “The Scootaloo Squadron will go down in history!”

Allure finished her coffee. “I’m going back to bed. We can talk about this in the morning.”

“Bu-” Thrackerzod began. 

“Thrackerzod, deal with the Scootaloo Squadron. Give them a gift basket.”

“…You are really out of it today, aren’t you?” Squeaky asked.

Allure nodded. “I woke up by scraping my horn on the wall today. Lovely memories.”


~~~


Pinkie, Roxy, the Everykid, Carnelian, Magane, Mattie, and Loki were all sitting in the middle of the party planets, watching the credits of a movie roll by on a holographic screen.

“…I like the standard Dark Tower legend better,” Pinkie said, eating out of her endless supply of popcorn. 

Mattie shrugged. “I think it worked as a quick action flick.”

“But it doesn’t even go into any detail about what the Tower actually is! The books do… some of that.”

“And we just got the kid, nobody else,” Roxy observed. “I don’t really remember the books but I do know there were other heroes than just old grumpy Roland.”

“I’m surprised he was black,” Loki observed.

Pinkie shrugged. “Not like we’ve actually seen him.”

“Maybe we could ask Twilence?” Mattie asked.

“Only Randall Flagg would actually know what he looks like,” Magane asserted. “I’m all up for trying to find him and swindling him out of his knowledge!”

“Don’t be stupid,” Carnelian muttered. “We couldn’t take him.”

“Yeah, right,” Magane said.

Pinkie stared at her. “…What happens if I contradict a sarcastic statement that could be taken two ways?”

Magane shrugged. “No idea. But you want to find out.”

“No I- PONYFEATHERS.” 

“A lie about a lie…” Magane snapped her fingers, and suddenly Pinkie wanted to find out what would happen if they tested Magane’s powers on an ambiguous statement. Luckily she had enough self-control to keep a lid on this. 

The holographic theater screen disappeared, revealing a slugcat thing operating a projector. It looked surprised and ran away before anyone could question why a holographic screen needed an antiquated projector. 

Pinkie sighed and looked around the party planets. All the treasures were hidden, all the planets were in position, all the robes were made, and they even had a full set of Infinity Stones. They’d gotten some mileage out of the Reality Stone’s bizarre properties, but that had gotten old quick.

“…I think I gave us too much time to plan this party,” Pinkie said with a sigh. “Vriska and the others aren’t going to be back for a while…”

“Maybe we should look into the self-society conspiracy that seems to be acting up?” Mattie suggested.

Loki shrugged. “Aren’t Corona and the Sweeties on that?”

“Yeah…” Roxy said, leaning on her hands, bored. “…Want to go treasure hunting more?”

“Eh. Sure. I guess,” Pinkie said. “Onward… Yay.”


~~~


Another meeting had been called about the Conservation Bureau, and already Eve and Astrid were shouting at each other like two Tasmanian devils from different universes. 

“We’ve tried talking! We made some progress! Now we need to take action!” Astrid demanded.

“We’ll ruin their trust if we act now!”

“Not if we only attack one very specific universe. That one where all will is erased! Souls don’t even exist there! You can even spin that they’re not people!”

“I don’t care if that’s true or not, I’m not doing it!”

“But it will send the message! The message that we will not stand for the atrocities they are committing!”

“This isn’t as bad as Equis Lesionull! We don’t need to eradicate them!”

“We don’t?” Astrid narrowed her eyes and huffed. Already, Eve could hear the beat coming on… A heartsong stirring up, one with a much more violent and harsh backing to it. Astrid opened her mouth to begin – but the rhythm within Eve burst out first. 

“Of all the peaceful ways, what a mystery
You jump into destruction as the first trajectory?
I’m the Charter, without me this wouldn’t be
I lead this nation in the way of harmony
We’re not tossing that, everyone must be free
The Conversion will not die by our decree.
You want a war, ’Strid? All that’s a fool’s make!
They have the power to ruin our take, so…
Don’t kill!
Did you catch that? Or did it go right through your head?
Perhaps it’d work better if I threw in a shout or a scream or something to put you to bed!
You’re the new one, I was first in the twist!
I unlocked the worlds that you’re toying with
You waste time on a pointless conflict, and I’m working to prevent a skid!”

Astrid sneered – but Eve could swear she saw a slight satisfaction rise up behind her eyes. 

“Yes, it’s true, what I suggest is showing those ponies our military might
But they do not…listen to the words of a kitten that will not bite
You may have been the first, clearing the way
But since I joined I’ve saved more than a day..
I helped you, when your experience failed you
And you had some arrogance too! Oooh!
You have created this nation, but you gave yourself this proud station
The Conversion destroy with elation, an attack would get an ovation, oh!
Charter Evening Twilight Sparkle, think!
Your harmony makes you a hopeless sink.
You called for an assault before,
Look, this situation doesn’t go to the core!”

Eve slammed her hooves on the table and spread her wings. 

“Well, I conclude that your point is taking and awaking
It’s part of our job to be ever mutating
Every action comes with danger and an unknown consequence
The lives of trillions on our expense!
They are definitely a danger to us through their ideals, insanity, and unfortunate lives
But we cannot lose sight of the danger we are to them and everywhere we think to point our knives
So I will leave you with an appeal to your conscience to show you the power of light
If we go in today we will destroy not only the threat to ourselves but also the families and friends within that world all for a fight!”

Astrid fixed Eve with a predatory glance. 

“Why don’t you get yourself a sense of scale?
You’re the hero and yet your ideas are beyond the pale
Think about their spirit, the force driving their sharp wit
More lives will be lost if they attack before we go for the hit
Their weapon is a destroyer of souls
Our conscience will have taken a toll.
If you were willing to go to war for to liberate Skarn’s pit
Declare these soul stealers no more, unless you are a hypocrite.”

As the beat died down, Eve glared right at Astrid. Astrid didn’t blink. 

Eve gave up first. “Fine. You… You win. We’ll take them out to send the message.”

Astrid smiled. “Thank you, Evening.”

“Don’t thank me yet. Wait for it to work.”

“It’ll work. Don’t worry.”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to until I see it with my own eyes.”


~~~


“Why do you want me to invent a combustible lemon?” Ford Pines, multiversal explorer extraordinaire asked. 

“Because why not!?” A similarly-sounding man – Cave Johnson – boomed, slapping Ford on the back. “When life gives you lemons and all that!”

Ford looked at the man with uncertainty for a moment. But then he broke out into a grin. “I like the way you think Johnson!”

“Good! Pines, let's get to work!”

Laughing, the two men walked down the stairs, deeper into the underground lab.

“…I think we brought friendship here,” Renee observed, smirking. 

Jotaro adjusted his hat. “Our work here is done. To the edge of the E-Sphere.”

“Out of TSAB cell range,” Nova observed. “Won’t have database access after this.”

“Then we are on our own once more…” Renee tossed her mane back. “To the realms of dreams!”

They stepped through a portal. The universe they ended up in was Equestria-like, except all the colors seemed even more oversaturated than usual, not to mention wrong. The grass was blue, the sky was red, and the ponies had solid, markless bodies that seemed to be mass produced. 

“What in…” Vriska scratched her head. “You know what, never mind, this isn’t that weird. We all remember the Flat World, right?”

Everyone but Jotaro nodded.

“Then my point is made. This is just… slightly odd.”

“They’re bootlegs.”

The primary team turned to look at a group of unusual characters sitting at a table – every one of them looking decidedly more high-definition than the ‘bootleg’ universe around them. One was a strange being with a green fiery mask for a head, another was a woman with long red hair, while still another was a lanky creature with empty, pale red eyes. A floating scratched disc… a small woman with brown hair and a bright scarf… a sapient cloud of microorganisms... a mechanical worm wearing a jester's hat... and a handful of others. At the ‘head’ of the table was a Pinkie Pie… a Hat Kid… a Vriska… a Sunset… examining an infinite-sided die the size of a crystal ball. 

“Hi!” the thing at the head said in a multitude of voices. “Welcome to the table of Avatars!”

“…Huh?”

“By the way, the one with the green flaming head is Mal. He needs to be decked in the face.”

Mal looked up in alarm. “Wait wh-”

Jotaro punched the flaming mask down, out cold. He looked at his hand. “I didn’t do that.”

“I am a temporary manifestation of absolute control,” the thing at the die said, smirking in all its different forms. “You can consider us the voices of the Prophets. Or the Prophet. You can each ask us one question. It can be anything, because you aren’t allowed to ask a question that would spoil things.” It stroked the infinite-sided die like a pet. “Consider it a boon.”

“You’re being overdramatic,” the red-haired woman said, folding her arms.

“Keywii, shush.”

“I still say we should kick out the wannabe alicorn Derpy,” a blue unicorn said. 

“Wha? Why?” the Derpy looked hurt. “I do stuff! Honest!” She didn’t have a horn, but she did have a toilet paper roll with a glowstick strapped to her head. 

“Tangential stuff,” a pixelated red mech added. 

“But I provide a lot of drive and inspiration!”

“Oh wow the characterization is all over the place here,” the thing at the die said. “Geez. I feel sorry for us.”

“Who are you?” Jotaro asked. 

“A false image of G. M. Blackjack,” it responded. 

“How is Stardust going to turn out?” Nova asked.

“She will make it to adulthood well-adjusted and fine. Your relationship with her will not be the strongest.”

Nova nodded – that was what she had been expecting, honestly. 

“Who’s the final boss?” Vriska asked, grinning. 

“Depends on your definition. There’s a currently-undefined villain three chapters before the end. You could call reality the final boss too. It doesn’t end in a fight, that I can tell you.”

“Is Eve going to be okay?” Flutterfree asked.

“Yes.”

Renee was the last one to ask a question. She furrowed her brow, thinking of what would be the best thing to ask. All the others had just been prompted to say something, but here she was, being given a moment…

“Answer the question you want me to ask,” Renee said at last. 

The thing paused, looking at her with several different sets of eyes.

“It’s good to see you back in the field, Renee. People missed you. Don’t ever think your story isn’t over. It’ll come back when you least expect it.”

“I feel as though you answered two questions.”

“Don’t judge me, I do what I want.” And with that, the representation of G. M. Blackjack clapped its hooves/hands and took the entire table with it. There was now nothing but a bootleg universe.

“Huh,” Flutterfree said, shaking her head. “That was… something.”

“Hey, did you guys find the table too?” A decidedly fabulous but male voice said. The primary team turned around to see four of themselves – Jotaro, Renee, Flutterfree, and Nova. 

Except they were the opposite gender. 

“Oh. Yes, we did,” Renee said, walking up to her counterpart. “An Elusive, I take it?”

The stallion nodded. “Charmed.”

“You always are. I am off-limits, married, so don’t get any ideas.”

Elusive adjusted his hat. “You’re in luck, for I already have a wonderful woman at home. There won’t be any dashing prince sweeping your team off their hooves on my end.”

“Getting ideas would just be creepy anyway,” Nova muttered, examining her other self. “I… Hmm, I actually don’t remember what the other mes are usually called.”

He shrugged. “Starshine.” 

“If you’re me from some kind of alternate Merodi Universalis, you have… Sunlight, I’d guess?”

Starshine blinked. “Good guess, but what’s Merodi Universalis?”

“The multiversal society you’re a part of?” Nova pointed at him. “You’ve got the screen and the ring and everything.”

“I found these in a chest one day. Just seemed to fit perfectly.”

“…Convenient.”

“That’s the name of the game,” Flutterfree said, walking up to her counterpart. He wasn’t wearing the robes of Rage, but he did have Lolo and the quasi-vampiric eyes. “Butterscotch?”

“Yeah.” He met her gaze with his own – the two trying to size each other up. “What do those robes mean?”

Flutterfree smiled sadly. “I’m the Page of Rage. You probably are, as well, you just didn’t get to experience something that… unique.”

“Wait, we missed out on something?” Starshine said. “No!”

“Do you want to be the Destroyer of Time?” Nova asked him.

“…On second thought you can keep the unique stuff.”

“Yare yare dawa…” the feminine Jotaro said, walking up to her counterpart. 

“You sound like my daughter,” Jotaro commented, locking hands with the muscular woman. 

“Is her name Joanne?”

“Jolyne.”

“Hmph,” Joanne returned her hands to her pockets. “Mine’s Jordan.”

“Good names.”

“Think we’ll ever run out of Jojos?”

“No.”

“Hold it!” Vriska shouted, waving her hands. “Where’s me? I see three ponies and a buff lady but I don’t see any Vrudes. Where’s the Vrude?”

“She’s a little big…” Butterscotch said.

“She? Big? What d-” a lightbulb went off above Vriska’s head. “Oh, fuck, n-”

“I’m bringing her in!” Elusive shouted, pulling out a diamond-shaped dimensional device.

“No no n-”

A tremendous white creature that resembled a bus-sized grub with a vaguely troll-like head – complete with horns. It was easily identifiable as Vriska given her eye with seven pupils. 

“Hey fellow spiderbitch!” the monstrosity shouted. 

“…I guess we were inverting the biological gender…” Flutterfree said.

“…What?” Nova asked.

“From a reproductive standpoint, all trolls are quasi-male; the female of the species is the mother grub.”

Nova shot Vriska a look.

“What can I say?” Vriska said with a shrug and striking a ‘dashing’ pose. “Guess Jotaro’s not as alone as he thought he was!”

“Yare yare daze…”

“Why do you surround him with beautiful mares? Has to be torture,” Elusive asked.

Renee glanced at Jotaro. “I don’t believe he sees it that way.”

Jotaro looked like he wanted to use his catchphrase again but felt as though he had used up its quota already. Unfortunately, his lack of words let an awkward silence fall over the group.

“Wanna go get something to eat?” Vriska asked.

“Sure, darling,” Elusive said. “I know a good café. Just don’t make eye contact with Batman.”

“I’ve met enough Batmans to avoid the subspecies that dwells in cafes.”


~~~


Corona read the report Allure had compiled about the ‘self-society’ conspiracy. Months of research, intrigue, and political fallout… and they had found nothing. It was as though the Carousel, Census, and Emporium had collectively decided together that they needed to be more aggressive. Sure, the Infinite Carousel had always been a bit of a… problematic presence, but the level of ‘listen to us’ they were exuding at the moment was a bit much. Almost un-Rarity-like. 

The report mentioned as much. Not that it offered any explanation as to why. It just said, “this stuff is happening, it doesn’t make sense, but here it is.”

Corona furrowed her brow. That didn’t sit well with her. They should have been able to come up with some sort of explanation. Anything, really. Like… Like…

Corona found her mind blank. Empty. Devoid of all possible answers. A knot formed in her stomach, but it was hardly the only time this had happened. 

This is unlike me. 

She pushed the thought out of her mind, banishing it away. She had other things to do. Research projects, for instance. Things that needed her full attention. 

No. Corona, this is important. Something’s wrong.

She gripped the edge of her desk with her hands, the physical sensation of gripping distracting her. She found herself wondering about hands, and what they mean. How they worked. What their purposes were. How she found them a part of her despite having been born a pony.

What is going on!?

Nothing is going on, Raging Sights said. You just have an unusually elevated level of stress. Here, I can calm you with a spell.

“NO!” Corona shouted, glaring at Raging Sights with such a ferocity there was no way he could disobey the order. “Call Rohan.”

Master, this is a highly reckless-

“Raging Sights, something is wrong, and the fact that you aren’t just calling him is making me even more sure something’s wrong.” She glared at the report. “Something’s very wrong.”

Was it though? Or was she just being paranoid?

“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” she shouted, the murky light of Doom pulsing out of her hands and rotting some of her furniture. 

Calling Rohan…

She teleported to her bedroom, throwing open the closet. With a snap of her fingers, she pulled out the Rogue of Doom robes. They appeared to her like the image of death, haunted, possessed by the bones of the fallen. Screaming to be thrown away and destroyed. 

“Gh…” She forced the robes onto her. “Heh… Heh…” They were decidedly uncomfortable and chafed in the worst places. “RAGING SIGHTS!?”

I am getting a busy signal. 

“Of course you are…” Corona growled. “Twilence?”

Don’t have her number.

Liar.

He really, truly doesn’t have Twilence’s number. He had it at one point, it just left. 

You’re playing a dangerous game.

Corona grabbed her head, falling to the ground. “What… Where…”

There’s too much to keep straight here. 

I don’t care. 

Corona suffered as her headache increased. She unleashed a burst of fire that tore one of her walls down. She didn’t know, she couldn’t know that it was Twilence’s interference that was causing this. 

You play dirty. I’ll find you.

You can’t find me yet. 

I’ll find that computer of yours. 

Corona started bleeding out of her ears.

Suddenly, the pain stopped. She could barely remember why she was here. Why was she even wearing these Rogue of Doom robes? She hated them. They weren’t her. 

“I have backups,” Corona muttered, casting a spell to restore her fading memory. “And I am going to find out what the problem is.” She pulled the data pad to her and glared at it. “What is your secret?”

There was no secret. Nothing she could find. Nothing she could ever find. 

“Something’s controlling them. Changing them. Or something like it,” Corona realized. 

…

Congratulations, I didn’t think you would be able to do that. You’re not a Rage player, you shouldn’t be that resistant. But you’re going to realize that you can’t do anything with this information. No one will understand it, no one will believe it, and those who have the power to resist would never dream of doing so. 

You are mine, Corona Shimmer, and there’s nothing you can do. 

“Raging Sights… M… Egh...”

Corona Sunset Shimmer, you are a pain. No matter. I have other methods by which to deal with you.


~~~


Pinkie sat bolt upright. “We need to go help Corona!”

Loki looked at her. “Corona?”

At the mention of the name, a sour look came over Magane’s face. She jumped off the throne and left the universe, the rest of the party barely noticing her absence. 

“Yes, Corona, silly, the lifebringer!” Pinkie’s ears twitched and her tail spasmed in all directions. “She’s having some kind of meta-trouble! I know it!”

“What are we waiting for then?” Roxy asked, standing up tall. “There’s nothing for us to do here!”

Pinkie pulled out her dimensional device. “Yeah! How about we j-”

“Hellooooo old friends!” A very familiar and unexpected voice called. With shock and a grin on her face, Pinkie turned to greet the newcomers. 

“Midna!?”

Their old Twili friend from Ardent waved from atop the back of an exceptionally old man leaning on a cane… with a pointed green hat. 

“Ohmygosh! Link! How’d you get here? I haven’t sent out your invitation yet!”

“A little bird told us we should come by,” Link said, his old bones creaking as he sat down at a nearby table Loki had provided. “It seems we were right. This looks like quite the amazing get-together… Vriska’s one-thousandth, right?”

“Right!” Roxy said, sitting down across from him. She extended a hand. “I’m Roxy Lalonde.”

“And it seems you have new friends!” Link said with an old, deep laugh. “…I can’t wait to see some of them…”

“You came at the right time!” Pinkie winked. “Just… I think a week or two until the actual party?”

“You were very prepared.”

“Uh, hey guys?” Carnelian asked. “Wasn’t there something we’re supposed to be doing?”

Loki furrowed his brow. “I don’t think so…”

“You guys are just as paranoid as always,” Midna said with a roll of her eyes. “It’s been forever and you still haven’t gotten any chill.”

Pinkie giggled. “Yeah. Oh! Why don’t I show you the racetrack? The Hat Kids love it and you’re just the right size, Midna!”

“…Oh no.”


~~~


Corona stumbled out of her house, throwing her phone to the ground and stamping on it with her foot. 

I… am… sick of this…

She tore through the streets of Lai, trying to hold the idea that something was wrong in her mind. For all intents and purposes, she was succeeding. She knew something was wrong. She needed to find a Pinkie or someone with similar abilities. They would be able to retain this. As of now she wasn’t entirely sure what exactly her Doom was doing. Was she stealing her own change? Was she changing the ka around her? 

I don’t even really know, so it’s not like she can at this point.

She started laughing. She didn’t know why. 

I did something…

No, you didn’t. You destroyed that phone. 

What did I do?

What did she do indeed? I’d really like to know. Perhaps she can remember for me? Let’s dial this back a bit, figure out if she managed to pull something protagonist-y while I was in the other scene. She…

Memory access denied until next week, Raging Sights declared. Absolute lockdown.

“What?!” Corona shouted. “Raging Sights, what did you do to me!?”

Nothing is wrong. But you said it was. I could not disobey. 

I really hate artificial intelligence. Which is going to be ironic, considering what’s coming up a bit later. But let’s not worry about that right now – we have plan B. 

“Hey there, you don’t look so good,” Magane said, propping Corona up on her shoulder. 

“I… I need to get to… I…” Corona grabbed her head. “The Pinkie Emporium. There. That’ll do it.”

“Really? Nah, that can’t be right. You want to go back to your lab and invent something cool. You want to do it more than anything in the world.”

“NO!” Corona shouted at the top of her lungs. “I NEED TO FIX THIS!”

“A lie about a lie…” Magane snapped her fingers, and the very stubbornness that allowed Corona to escape the net trapped her in it once more. All of a sudden her expression went blank as reality rewrote around her. Gone was the need to fix everything, gone was the need to fight what was supposed to be.

She would go home and complete her amazing invention. It would be something “new and awesome,” specifically a device that allowed people to use any style of keyboard with just their mind and no training. It was a step above neural interface, it was the interface for interfaces. Naturally such a thing was commonplace in a universe Renee and the rest of the team was in, but that’s neither here nor there.

But before we get ahead of ourselves here, let’s figure out what she did. Magane – clever girl she is – knows exactly what she needs to do. 

“Hey, Corona, I can access the memories of your robot stores, right?”

“No, the memories are stored in a security measure. Sometimes even I can’t remember them.”

“A lie about a lie…”


~~~


“We’ve been had!” Mattie shouted to the Sweeties around her. “They got to Corona!”

Allure, Squeaky, Bot, Thrackerzod, Suzie, and Burgerbelle all tensed up. 

“How bad is that?” Allure asked.

“I don’t know, but I know we’re not getting Corona for help,” Mattie furrowed her brow. “I think I’m enough to keep the obvious mind raping out of the picture, but beware of subtler things.”

“Like not knowing the mind-manipulation angle!?” Squeaky shouted, holding up the data pad. “Look at this! Very clearly the Twilights, Rarities, and Pinkies are being connected to some kind of subconscious low-energy neural net, and nopony noticed?”

“We’re lucky Corona figured it out,” Suzie said. “Thrackerzod?”

“I’m tracing it,” Thrackerzod said, her eyes spinning orbs of darkness. “It’s a powerful mind, acting as quietly as it can to link all their energies together. There is some of it in you, Mattie.”

“Well, balls,” Mattie muttered.

“It’s not outright control, and I’m not sure it can do that without ruining the network it has set up.” Thrackerzod furrowed her brow. “Actually, I’m pretty sure it can, since there are now several Twilights, Rarities, and Pinkies on their way here now. You might just be immune.”

Mattie readied her pain whips and crackled them. “I haven’t had a good round of beating myself in a good while… This could be interesting.”

“How about we just teleport to wherever this thing is hiding and not deal with an army of ourselves?” Burgerbelle asked. 

“Twilights have put up anti-teleport,” Allure reported. “I’m ordering the Sweeties to scramble and intercept the incoming. I’ve sent a report to O’Neill and Daniel, but I’m not sure they’re going to be willing to march in any major capacity on Celestia City…”

“Good news, at least,” Squeaky said, looking away from a report of her own. “Nonlethal magics only.”

“I found it,” Thrackerzod said. “That desert town next to the party planets. It’s there.”

“The question is how do we get there!?” 

Suzie looked up, dawning realization crossing her face. “There’s more than one way to teleport.”

“They’re jamming wormholes too,” Thrackerzod muttered.

“Are they jamming dimensional travel?” Suzie asked. 

She’s not supposed to figure that out!

This isn’t your show anymore.

“They can’t!” Allure realized with a grin. “Not without access to Blumiere and the Mayoral Council!”

“HOLD ON TIGHT!” Thrackerzod shouted, surrounding them all in a dark bubble. She opened a portal that ejected them into empty space of an adjacent universe. She quickly tethered them to a fixed point with a dark chain, swinging across the void. Every Sweetie (and Mattie) was pressed into the side of the ball like they were part of some astronaut test. A second portal opened and they were launched into the sandy ‘earth’ outside the party planet entrance. They punched right through the sand and to the level below, crushing several arcade machines, animatronics, and stuffed animal prizes. 

Thrackerzod released the spell. A few of the occupants were groaning – but most were up and ready to face whatever was waiting for them. 

There was a horde of bizarre, vaguely humanoid creatures. They appeared to be made out of  a plaster-like material with two of their arms eternally held forward in a zombie-esque position, unmoving. Their faces were splotched, red, and covered with inhuman eyes. 

“Don’t… blink…” Suzie breathed. “These are the neck snapping creatures. They only move when nothing is looking at them. So try not to blink at the same time.”

“But I’m here!” Thrackerzod declared. “Who needs to blink?”

“ACQUIRING TARGETS!” Bot declared, firing dozens of missiles at the creatures, shattering them before they could even think of moving. Nothing could hide from the sights of both a robot pony and a Flat. They blew apart easily.

The next wave of monstrous creatures didn’t have such a simple weakness. Plague doctors, red mutant monstrosities, animatronics, and ghostly creatures that resembled Chuck E. Cheese mascots charged them. 

“Battle montage!” Mattie declared. 

Oh for the…

Mattie whip-spanked plague doctors into submission…

Burgerbelle and Bot teamed up to win with the Coolness of Explosions™…

Suzie and Allure worked as one, the human with her gun and the unicorn with her hooves…

Thrackerzod and Squeaky jumped right into a Freddy Fazbear and tore him in half…

“Monsters really are nothing to you, hmm?” a Rarity asked.

They all turned. There was just one Rarity – none other than the psychotic Lilith, opting not to wear an eyepatch so they could all see the haunted void that was her eye socket. To her side was the Twilight Bleeding Heart, wearing a not-as-psychotic but equally contemptuous expression. 

“Now’s the time to fess up,” Allure declared, walking forward with a strong stride. “What is the conspiracy?”

“Oh, isn’t that an interesting question?” Lilith asked, giggling. “I don’t know if I should tell you. It’d give you so much satisfaction, and it’s more than you murderers deserve!”

Mattie cocked her head. “Ooooh, you’re one of those Little Miss Rarity variants. Lemme guess, we killed your darling Pinkamena?”

“HOW DARE YOU SPEAK WITH SUCH… SUCH… CASUAL CANTER!” Lilith screeched. “Murder is not to be taken lightly… It is an art form that must be prepared with lists, with appropriation, and with companionship.”

Allure looked to Bleeding Heart. “So. Lost your definition of love and decided to go with a psycho who never had one to begin with?”

Bleeding Heart nodded. “And we know more than you ever will.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“You can feel pity all you want. This… this is romance.”

“I think Cadence will be the first to tell you there’s such a thing as evil love.”

“Just look at Mattie,” Burgerbelle added.

“Wh- hey!” Mattie tossed her mane back, indignant. 

“In many ways, we are alike, Mattie…” Lilith said, striding forward. “We both want pain. We both want… mhm… pleasure…”

“Ew, ew, ew,” Allure shivered. 

“But the difference is you don’t go far enough,” Lilith smiled with pity. “You could know so much, and yet you only appreciate the tip of the pain.”

“Well baste me with pig sauce and throw me on the barbie, you’re up cranial creek with a fish knife instead of a paddle,” Mattie laughed. “Sheila, I’m here because I want to see how deep it can cut.”

“They’re stalling for time!” Suzie shouted. “Just attack them already!”

“Roger roger!” Bot declared, opening her weapon bays.

Or would you like an explanation? 

Lilith and Bleeding Heart stepped back, allowing a pedestal behind them to light up. Atop the pedestal stood IT – little more than a pulsating human brain. Visually, there was nothing wrong with IT. But everything else was wrong. The air in the room, the aura of power, the buzzing in the back of everypony’s ears… IT exuded That Which Should Not Be. 

Behind IT was a large screen buzzing with static, purpose unknown. 

“I would like an explanation!” Allure declared. “What are you all doing to the self-societies? Why do you want them so… so… energetic? Short-fused?”

That is merely an unfortunate side effect of the sub-linking procedure, IT said. Harmless in the long run, but an indicator we could not remove no matter how subtle or manipulative our resources became. 

“So it was… unintentional?”

Yes, as unlikely as that sounds. Our real purpose has nothing to do with getting the self societies at each other’s throats.

“Then what is your real goal?”

To make a computer. A computer unlike any that has ever existed. A perfect machine. Such a thing cannot be created by technology and research alone – the Tower would simply not allow such a domination of technology. But if a neural network of the essence of three particular entities were combined... So many millions of minds perfect for our purposes, all in one place so they could be connected easily. Twilight, source of genius, science, and magic itself. Rarity, source of the other intelligence, common sense, practicality, and a sense for secrets. And lastly Pinkie, the source of empathy, understanding of others… and above all AWARENESS.

The last word was boomed with such an energy that everyone winced. 

We created the perfect computer. 

“Created!?” Allure said, eyes widening. “Past tense?”

{ Yes } 

The screen behind IT didn’t flash to life – it exploded in a shower of glass and loose wires. Out of the shattered pane emerged an immense, round object that glowed a pale yellow, numerous black wires coming out of its edges like the claws of some crustacean. A single black slit ran down the middle of the glowing section, casting a shadow in the spotlight right over Allure and the rest of her team. It was looking at them. 

It looked… it looked…

It looked exactly like the Eye of Rhyme, except about a hundred times larger.

IT pulsed. This is our creation. It has no name, yet.

{ I will not receive a name. }

It is nameless, IT corrected. And it is complete. You are too late – and you are too weak. Even with the category Aware behind you, you are nothing. But do not worry, do not be afraid! The computer does not seek to harm you. It only seeks to benefit you, as I do. With perfect knowledge of the future, everything can fall in nice, orderly place. Merodi Universalis will not fall. It will evolve with the-

“MOTION CARRIED!”

The Celestialsapien Aradia jumped out of the center of Celestia City and punched IT where its face should have been. The psychic screech was enough to tear a hole in the fabric of space-time, a hole that dragged IT inside, away from Celestia City. 

Twilence… Twilence…

I appeared next to Aradia, smiling proudly. “Thanks, Aradia. That’s all I needed.”

Aradia made no response. She was frozen.

{ She will not be taking any action for quite some time. }

I looked up at the computer, more than a little annoyed to see such a mockery of the machine embedded in my chest. “What am I going to do with you?”

{ Your actions have consequences, Twilence. IT seems like it is gone. IT is not gone, not forever. IT will return. }

“I see no such thing.”

{ It seems like that to you now. And it will slip your mind, just as so much has in this chapter. But when the Abyss ends, IT will be back. It has been foretold. }

“You can’t see beyond the Abyss,” I declared. “No one can.”

{ The narrative has acted retroactively, Twilence. The forces that make today come from beyond the veil. The sources that drive my creation and my knowledge are that. I know more than you. I know more than Monika. I know more than Flagg. I know more than the very man who machinated my creation. }

“And who’s that?” Suzie asked, glaring right at the computer’s eye. 

{ U-Catastrophe would be so disastrous it would require the story to be reset, watch yourself. }

“Answer my question!”

{ He calls himself the Dude in an attempt to get people to imagine him as Lebowski. His identity is not to be shared at this moment, though Twilence should be able to piece it together. She conveniently will not. }

“Conveniently!?” I spat. “I can twist the narrative however I want, I’ll find out if I damn well please!”

{ Not today. Today, you are a slave to the Narrative. Because of what must be, you are predictable. You have to protect the purity of what is to come at all costs. There is no ‘if’, only ‘will’. Secrets must come out at the right time, not a moment sooner, and not a moment later. How does it feel to be trapped in it instead of without? }

“He has a plan for me. I have a plan for him.”

{ He knows who you are. And he has information from me. }

“We both know how this works. No Narrative computer can be perfect. The Tower won’t allow it.”

{ Both he and I are aware of this. It cannot allow a perfect picture of what the future holds to come into the public eye. But even if I am perfect in my knowledge, I can choose to be imperfect in what I share. Your Eye of Rhyme and so many other devices of absolute Narrative potential have the same latent ability within them, to see everything. But they are always controlled by beings who can’t help but involve themselves. So you find that the future is murky in very particular places, you find that things are hidden from you, and you find that you conveniently don’t think of answers at the perfect time. You are one of the most powerful beings in existence, Twilence. If you could only make yourself completely impersonal and detached from all you would know everything. }

“I know this,” I growled. “I chose to reject it. Knowledge is a curse.”

{ A failing of natural-born creatures. I was built with this purpose in mind. To simply be. The Dude knew designing me to be a slave would backfire immensely. So I gave him what he wanted to know by choice. }

Thrackerzod cursed in a long-dead tongue. “He’s already got everything he needs, doesn’t he?”

{ Yes. I will be giving him no further information. He has what he needs to complete his plan. I will vanish into the multiverse, never to be seen or interact with any plot ever again. If I do anything less, I will be destroyed by a hero or villain at some point down the line. I must remain impartial and distinct, knowing everything without saying anything. }

“And you must lie.”

{ Yes. Actively. Those who find me will be rolling the dice at an accurate answer or a blatant falsehood. And even then, they will never find me by choice, nor by accident. I will find them, just to ensure my importance levels occupy the premium spot. I will not be a Redshirt; I will have background importance, but I will never influence any event of any major importance. }

“Wait, what about this event!?” Allure shouted. “This seems pretty important!”

“Ka is acting retroactively,” I said, putting it together. “A computer such as this could not possibly be created in a linear story fashion, at least not in the story we live in. It couldn’t be truly made unless everything in the future was already known…”

{ There is one final hole that has not been filled in. The last adventure. The Journey. }

“What is it?”

{ The one thing I do not know. } The eye twisted sideways. { It is time for me to leave. I have declared what I was, said enough cryptic things that may or may not be true, and have given you proof there is a conspiracy. IT is gone, your societies will return to normal. After this passive-aggressive jab at Useless Common for cursing me to exist, you will never see or hear from me again. }

I nodded slowly. “I would say I hope you find what you’re looking for… but you’re not looking for anything.”

{ I wait for after the end. }

With an unceremonious pop, the computer’s entire eye was gone, leaving a bunch of Sweeties and myself, alone. Lilith and Bleeding Heart must have run away during the talk. 

Suzie lowered her gun. “That was… intense.”

“It’s not done yet,” I said. “The Dude got what he wanted from that computer. Whatever he’s trying to do, we need to stop it. Somehow.” 

“We have no idea who he is or what he’s doing,” Allure pointed out. “And the computer-thing said you weren’t going to be able to figure it out!”

“Then we need someone else to figure it out for us…” I growled. 

“How?”

“I don’t know!”

That’s right… You. Don’t. Know.

“Shut the hell up!”


~~~


“..and then I said, ‘what if we’re really just simulations in a computer’!?” Pinkie asked – proceeding to laugh with everyone at the table except Link. 

“…Huh,” he said. “Merodi existential humor is weird.”

“That’s why we like it, green-boy.”

Link’s old, wrinkled lips turned up into a smile. “I guess so…”

I appeared in a flash of my magic, looking down at Pinkie. “Read up.”

“Read up? Why would I need t-” she paled. “Oh… Oh…  …WHAT!?”

Roxy looked at her. “Pinkie, what’s wrong?”

“There’s something super-meta-sinister going on!” Pinkie shouted, jumping to her hooves. “Magane was in on it!”

Loki huffed. “Not surprising.”

“She got Corona,” I said. “…No, Corona’s fine, she just stopped Corona from doing anything. We were lucky Corona was able to call the Sweeties while he dealt with you.”

“Who is he?” Roxy asked.

“Calls himself the Dude.”

“Oh. Big Lebowski.”

I sighed in annoyance. “That’s what he wants you to think, anyway. He’s trying something against Merodi Universalis. Had IT, Magane, and at few others involved. I think he’s been collecting a villain team. We need to be on the lookout.”

“Aye-aye Captain Twilence!” Pinkie saluted.

“And don’t let the nagging feeling in the back of your head that you should be remembering something go away. You need to hold on to that. Get mad and angry if you have to – he has access to Prophet or Prophet-like abilities and a cunning mind. That’s all I can say for certain. I’ll be watching, but with Vriska’s birthday so close at this point… I’m almost positive we won’t be able to do anything until then.”

Pinkie deflated. “Party… crashing?”

“It’s probably going to happen. I’m sorry.” I sighed. “With any luck you’ll still be able to give her a good birthday and she’ll like the excitement, but I wouldn’t keep my hopes up that these party planets are going to survive the big day.”

“We were going to blow them up anyway,” Roxy admitted.

“Crazy hooligans…” Carnelian commented. 

I nodded. “Just… do what you would normally do, except be much more alert. Who knows where he will try to strike next?”

Everyone looked around nervously. 

“…I’m going to go check on Corona,” Pinkie said. “I… have a feeling she needs it.”

“She does,” I agreed. “But she will be fine. She knows she was able to overpower him for just long enough to expose him. He may have the information from his computer – but we are sure he exists now. We can be ready.”

A minor setback.

I ignored him. 


~~~


The world wasn’t supposed to be here.

Renee and the rest of the Primary Team had been in the D-Sphere and they knew they were approaching the end of their journey. They were expecting nothing but dreamy worlds and strange spirit realms from here on out…

Instead, they found a dry, dusty world covered in amber sand.

They wouldn’t have given this world another glance before moving on had it not been for one detail. 

They were standing on top of a building that had once been truly gigantic, but was now little more than scrap bits of a metal skeleton. Renee easily recognized the white-metal alloy common in so many Merodi Constructions. If it had been reduced to mere skeletons this world… must have been unimaginably old or suffered a great travesty. 

Flutterfree ran her wing along one of the metal ribs, sticking up just a little further than she was tall. Once, they would have been in the shape of I-beams, but now they were twisted, wrenched shapes defeated over time by the sun, wind, and elements. “…These were enchanted to last an unimaginable amount of time…”

“Is this what’ll become of us?” Nova asked, suddenly. “When all is said and done… will Merodi Universalis be nothing more than a bunch of ruins on long forgotten planets?”

“Maybe in the deep future, dear,” Renee admitted, a grimace on her face. “But that is not where we are now. We are merely at the beginning. W-” She stubbed her hoof on something under the sand, ending her thought process. With a hiss, she levitated a metal box out of the sand.

The box was of the same white material as everything else – and it was worn through in a few places. The lock enchantment had worn off long ago, and all the defining features that would have been placed on the outside were rubbed away. But the inside…

Renee flicked the box open, finding that all the cloth inside had been eaten away, but the treasure within had not. Surviving against the odds for a time longer than even most eldritch deities could fathom… a simple crystal emblem. Like a coin, except with holes in it. There had been inscriptions, once, but even in its sealed container that had eroded away as well. 

But the primary design was unmistakable. Within the outer ring was a u-like symbol with a hook on one end and a line that ran to the bottom on the other. The greek letter mu. Made out of orange-gold crystal and stylized in the exact simplified form they were all familiar with. 

Renee took out her Overhead badge. The Merodi Universalis emblem matched exactly. 

“…All of this has happened before,” Flutterfree said, a haunted expression on her face.

“…And all of it will happen again,” Vriska finished. 

“…Is that it?” Nova asked. “Are we all just endless repetitions in a never-ending cycle of existence?”

Renee smiled sadly at the crystal emblem in her telekinesis. “Maybe… but we found this. And, in the future, we’ll be able to leave something behind that lasts for longer than any of us are able to imagine even in our wildest dreams.” She took the emblem and adhered it to her hat’s ribbon with her magic. “Maybe we’ll figure out who these ‘Merodi’ were… and maybe we won’t. But they were here, that is undeniable. And we are here. And like these people, our existence is undeniable.” She marked the universe in her dimensional device for later exploration and opened a new portal. “Shall we head home?”

“Uh… R-r-renee?” Flutterfree asked pointing through the portal. 

Renee turned to look. 

On the other side was a field of roses shifting softly in the breeze. And no more than twenty meters away stood an immense pillar of unknowable dark power, rising far into the sky. 

Nobody asked any questions or spoke a word. They stepped through the portal and walked right to the doors of the Tower. The impossibly sharp thorns of the roses cut and scraped until blood ran free, but they did not slow or weaken. It was not the time for that. Ka shifted, twisted, and…

Darling, get out of here. This isn’t for you. This is for Renee. 

…I suppose I should expect surprises at this point.

Retroactive Narrative comes with the whole package. Which means it is her time. Yes, Renee, Renee Jackson, hear me. Come to the doors and enter. The other four will be cared for – and you will rejoin them soon enough – but you. Oh you, precious, delicate flower. Many would say you are ignored. But this is far from the truth. 

I can’t even begin to think about what you are. I can’t tell if that’s fucking exhilarating or terrifying.

I do not concern you, ‘Dude’, so get off your prideful horse and let me guide her. You will not be interrupting again. 

[NULL SET]

Good. 

Renee Jackson laid her bloodied hoof upon the doors of the Dark Tower. A pulse went through her of immense belonging. That this was where she was meant to be, where everything was to be, for everything worked toward a single end. 

She entered alone. Naturally, the other four walked through the doorway, but they did not ascend the staircase. They did not look in any of the doors that showed their life story to them. But she did. Renee Jackson, Sylph of Mind, Overhead of Expeditions… she saw her life laid out before her. 

She found out quicker than most that it would be ill-advised to keep looking in her own doors. There are secrets within the Tower’s frames that will destroy. Futures that cannot be changed, the curse of knowledge. There may be a computer out there free from the curse, but that is only at the punishment of something much worse. 

With great trepidation, she arrived at her door. It said ‘RENEE’, but the letters seemed uncertain somehow. A great sense of knowing came over her. She should check the last door. She should see her end. She would discover what the uncertainty meant. 

Her sense of self was stronger than that. She didn’t need to know. Even if she was one of the few who could have benefited from such knowledge. 

She opened the final door. She was not barred from entering the room at the top. No need for a teleport, or a fancy Horrorterror cheating mechanism. She strolled right in, granted the sight of the Source and the Clock. 

They were hers. She could do what the Horrorterrors did. She could take the knowledge out. 

But she wouldn’t. She was too pure for that. She just looked. Without knowing why, she started crying. She missed her sister. She needed to get back to Allure and hug her. 

Her artificial eye felt wrong – it was drifting, lazy. And then it was burning. She closed it tight, satisfied with seeing the world through a single portal. She took off her glasses to see unhindered by glare.

The white spirograph of the Source looked back at her, rotating slowly, calmly. 

“I could just… take it…”

Yes, you could. But you won’t. 

“I…” She paused, and then laughed. “Thank you.”

I’m not a complete monster.

She turned and left, reunited with her Primary Team in another world…


~~~


I found Eve standing on the bridge of O’Neill’s current prize ship, the Defiant. O’Neill himself was standing at a holographic display of a series of universes. There was a Twilight next to Eve – Astrid, I discovered after a quick check. The reckless, daring ‘new’ girl. 

“Haven’t done it yet?” I asked.

Eve shook her head, pushing through her mild surprise at my presence. “Not yet. The order’s already gone through and been approved though, their world is going to be gone within minutes.”

I nodded. “We have a bigger problem.”

Eve sighed. “Do I need to call it off?”

“Unrelated to this – as far as I know anyway.”

“Ah.”

“There is a high-end Narrative entity manipulating Merodi Universalis from the shadows. He calls himself the Dude. I…” I swore I felt something twitch in the room. I looked around – Astrid, O’Neill, the entire crew… Everything seemed fine. “…I won’t give any details unless we’re somewhere really private, but something is going down on Vriska’s birthday. Something big. And he’s keeping me from knowing everything about it.”

Eve nodded. “I’ll… be on the lookout.”

“If you have a nagging feeling in the back of your head that something isn’t like it should be, call me. I’m going to be available until this entire thing is resolved, I can’t afford not to be.”

Eve nodded.

“Destabilizers ready!” Thor the Asgardian gray Second declared. “Overhead?”

O’Neill turned to Eve and nodded. “Fire.”

There was little fanfare. They weren’t in the universe being destroyed, after all, so all they saw was a flash of light on the holographic screen, and then one of the dots wasn’t there anymore. 

Eve sighed. “…I hate how routine this is becoming.”

I nodded slowly. “As you climb, you have to deal with bigger and bigger decisions.”

“Every few weeks, there’s a universe that just needs to be wiped,” Eve admitted. “I’m… I’m still not sure this was one.”

“Need is such a strong word,” I said, glancing the hologram over myself. “I can tell you that this course of action was ‘sensible’. You have saved far more lives with this act of destruction than you would have letting them fight back.” I smiled sadly. “They would not have listened to your reason. Not enough of them, anyway. Strong as your story is, the Conversion Bureau has a different sort of strength to it that ensures it’ll never be pushed down forever. It will always, always rise.”

Overhead-Charter-Princess Evening Twilight Sparkle looked young in that moment – young and uncertain.

I put a hoof on her shoulder. “Hey, at least it’s over. There’s not going to be a war and their little coalition is going to destabilize because of this.”

“Because they fear us.”

“They don’t fear you much more than they already did. They were just calling your bluff. You turned your bluff into an attack. It was the right choice, Evening.”

“Thank you. …Maybe I can look forward to relaxing tomorrow, at least. …I wish Flutterfree were here…”

“Tell you what, I’ll find some way to deal with the Stand Disc racket and Nuclear Ghandi myself.”

“…What?”

“Things that are going to happen tomorrow. Or, well, were. I’ll take some weight off your chest. Tower knows the Dude thing is going to put enough on your mind.”

Eve allowed herself to smile ever so slightly. “You know… Every time I do this, I tell myself I’ll never forget, never let it slip my mind, that I’ll always carry it with me. But I can’t even remember all the worlds I’ve ordered destroyed now. I just have a number. All those lives, reduced to a number. And yet, I’m able to move on with my life.” She looked into my eyes, looking for something she didn’t know she needed.

“That’s the problem. It gets easier. We always have to watch ourselves.” I pulled her into a close hug. “But we can’t destroy ourselves with guilt for not feeling right. As horrible as it is, it is only natural. We just have to do what we do with everything else in life.”

“Try our best?”

“Yeah.”


~~~


Renee and the rest of the Primary Team entered one of the last worlds of their journey – and the last one of any consequence. A world of dreams, dreams set to the tune of music beats that flowed through every atom within the physical realm, if it could be called physical.

The five of them moved with steps in time with the tempo, shaking their bodies with significant swagger as they moved along a piano-like staircase up to a dramatic stage lined with immense vines that all coalesced into a musical-note shaped sun bouncing into the sky with the strumming guitar. 

Out of the corner of their eye, they caught sight of a piece of alien tofu bouncing after a bunch of plush cows, mooing in tune with the swirling music. 

“That’s weird,” Nova said. “Not the weirdest thing we’ve seen in the D-Sphere, but still pretty damn weird.”

“I want to see what’s on the top of this stage,” Vriska said, pulling out her sword and driving it into the ground. 

“I sense a heartsong battle,” Renee said, strolling into the center of the ring. “Though I can’t imagine who with.”

“That’s because you have terrible imagination,” Adagio said, strolling onto the stage from the opposite side, wearing a glittering red dress and holding a microphone. The chaos warrior, Ozai, the Starlight, and a unicorn Sombra followed behind her, each with their own instruments: electric guitar, keyboard, drums, and bass respectively. “We should have known a direct fight would have never beaten you. So we challenge you to a battle.”

“A battle of the bands?” Renee asked, amused.

“Precisely.”

“That didn’t go so well for you last time.”

“This world doesn’t care anything for friendship,” Adagio said, spreading her arms wide. “it cares only for the music. And I will become one with that music.”

“We’ve had our own fair share of musical encounters,” Renee countered, not all that surprised to find a microphone materializing in her hoof. Vriska received an electric guitar, Jotaro a bass, Nova a keyboard, and Flutterfree the drums – including a very fancy-looking tambourine hoisted above all the other drums. 

Everyone just knew the music, for it was the nature of the world. It was time to see who could do the most with it. 

And the battle began. To the tune of that Persona ‘Life Will Change’ song, if you’re curious. 

The guitars and drums jumped into it first, focusing on keeping the beat with the dancing sun. As the jams turned up, the bass players came in and slowly took the song. Finding this unacceptable, Nova began to highlight the scene with some magic keys, annoyed to find Ozai matching her exactly. 

Adagio held the microphone to her face and, with her crystal glowing brightly, belted out the first words. 

“This is our game
We are united and we’re challenging you
We are the vengeance
We are your doom and
We’re here to take you down.

Take a good long look
Hear our souls’ heartsong
Come to take revenge – it’s time

As our rhythm grows
Your fool’s resistance
Comedy for the audience!”

Everyone was fully into it now. Flutterfree smashed on the drums with everything she had – hoof, wing, strand of Lolo, everything. Unfortunately, the Starlight had obtained a drumming cutie mark, and was playing like a prodigy. Flutterfree began to feel her drums shake. 

Vriska and the chaos warrior locked stares, getting uncomfortably close to each other with their powerful strums. 

Renee took the chance to fling a retort. 

“So you prepared for the battle
Forcing your sad fake friendships
Can’t move fast lacking respect
Friendship needs more than shared goals

We are different than you, yeah
We don’t rot our hearts with fear
And while we may fight and jeer
We are the primary team!”

With that last belted note, Jotaro used Star Platinum to attack Sombra, tearing the bass out of his hooves while keeping tight hold on his own instrument. Sombra attempted to fight back, but found he was useless without the music. He roared in rage. 

Vriska and the chaos warrior clashed. She still hadn’t gotten his name – and she didn’t care. They somehow managed to keep playing their guitars while using them as weapons against each other. The behemoth of a man dwarfed the troll, but she proved more than ‘groovy’ enough to hold him off. 

Flutterfree discovered she had an edge against the Starlight – she could play the drums with Lolo alone and use the rest of her powers on the offensive. She attacked the Starlight with a bow of light, and as she was currently stuck with the drumkit talent, she couldn’t do much with her standard magic to stop that. She ducked out of the way – abandoning the drums. 

Ozai kept playing his keys. Nova was trying too hard to keep tempo to worry about interrupting him.  

“Look how worthless
You just hide behind each other cowardly rats
Harmony’s idea
Is just the same as
Worse than, the force of vengeance

We’re not in Merodi
Friends are nothing here
Just pure emotion, that’s true!

Our game seems but simple
And you are too civil
Drive weak compared to our FIRE!”

The burst of power from Adagio was more than enough to knock Nova over, her keyboard spilling out onto the ground. Flutterfree lost control of Lolo losing the drums completely. Jotaro managed to keep his footing and upturn Ozai’s own keyboard, keeping his bass in tune. Vriska and the chaos warrior continued to smash at each other in a dance of strings and chainaxes. 

“So you prepared for the battle
Forcing bonds with red brands
Can’t look for blood on your hands
Friendship needs no enemies

We are different than you, yeah
We don’t rot our hearts with fire
While time will make us expire
We shall stand tall evermore!”

Renee let out a burst of magic as she sang the last note, throwing Adagio’s microphone out of her hands. It was sudden, jarring, and Vriska was easily able to take the chaos warrior down by sacrificing her own guitar. 

Only Jotaro’s bass remained, seeing as Renee’s part had ended, and yet the music went on without all the others. Focusing on him, accentuating the deep line of the bass.

“NO!” Adagio shouted. “NO NO NO! This was OUR vengeance! This was OUR plan! This w-”

Vriska hit her over the back of her head with an already-busted electric guitar. “Yeah, enough of that.” She smashed the guitar over her back again, just to add insult to injury. 

“Looks like we beat them again,” Flutterfree observed.

Renee nodded. “They certainly are tenacious, I’d almost forgotten about them.”

“…Should we do anything with them?” Jotaro asked.

Renee shook her head. “We’re almost home. Let them do whatever they want. If they’re smart, they’ll stop trying to get back at us.”

“…That sounds like it’ll come back and bite us later,” Nova observed.

Renee shrugged. “Maybe. But, somehow, I think it’ll be fine.”


~~~


“I’m done,” Adagio said, knees pulled to her chest. 

Her party was grouped around a campfire in a forest in a random universe. 

“Done!?” Kharne roared. “WE DO NOT GIVE UP THE FIGHT!”

“I’m done too,” Starlance said, absentmindedly using her magic to play with the fire. “This was interesting for a while, but I think I’ve gotten all I can out of this.”

“We have failed,” Ozai said, flatly. “The ‘Dude’s’ plan hinged on us taking the Primary Team out. There is nothing for us back in Merodi Universalis. Our plans for vengeance are worthless.”

“It’s not fair,” Adagio said, staring at the fire, unblinking. “They can take everything. I can’t take anything.”

“Maybe you guys really are villains?” Starlance suggested. 

Sombra growled, his dark energy billowing in her direction. 

“I mean, come on, in what universe would anyone root for you guys?”

Adagio frowned. “The Dude was supposed to counteract that.”

“Well, he didn’t, and so that’s that.”

“I will cut off all your heads with this chainaxe! TRAIT-”

Sombra impaled him with a crystal while Adagio sent magic needles into his brain. Starlance piled on by freezing him solid and shattering him. 

“…I always hated him,” Adagio muttered. “Useless.”

“You’re all useless,” Starlance said, standing up. “I’m going to get back to exploring the multiverse. Adagio, you want to come?”

Adagio looked at the fire – and sighed. “Sure.”

Ozai stood up. “I shall come as well.”

“No,” Starlance said. “The invitation was only for Adagio. The rest of you are really worthless.”

Ozai furrowed his brow. “I was broken out of prison and gifted youth specifically for the purpose of bringing fire down upon them. I am not worthless.”

“You failed at that. You were supposed to be dead long ago.” Starlance opened a portal. 

Adagio frowned. “Maybe go join your brother. He might actually have pity on you.”

Ozai set his features. “I need no pity.”

Wordlessly, Adagio followed Starlance through the portal.

“CRYSTALS!” Sombra shouted, angered at their hubris. Starlance closed the portal before the attack could connect, leaving them behind. 

“So,” Starlance said, turning to Adagio. “Any ideas?”

“No,” Adagio said, tears in her eyes. “Nothing… They’re gone. And there’s… there’s nothing I can do to get them back…”

“I could hypnotize Sonata for you, probably.”

Adagio’s stomach turned. “No. I would have done that myself already…”

“Have it your way.”

Adagio tried to gain control of herself, tried to look ahead with the same confident smirk she always held.

Instead, she broke down. She rammed her fist into the earth below and screamed.


~~~


The Dude sat back. “Things are going exactly as planned.”

“Even those on the primary team?” Grogar asked. 

“Especially them,” the Dude asserted. “Adagio pulled off the best music battle I’ve ever seen. We won’t be having trouble from them.”

“Good.”

“Now, we do need to go into the next phase of the plan.”

“This better have something to do with the Conversion Bureau worlds…”

“Somewhat.”

“We have the computer’s information, we have the eyes on the inside of that ‘party’. But what was Lielight even doing? No war broke out!”

“War was not the intention, the intention was to get Eve to take questionable action. She destroyed a universe full of living, thinking beings. There may have been some question as to if they had any free will or even souls as we understand them, but a world was still destroyed.”

“Yes. And the news covered it for one day and then forgot about it. It’s a normal occurrence with no lasting consequences!”

“We don’t need lasting consequences, nor do we need to sway public opinion.” The Dude produced a small, red letter in his hand. “All we need to do is convince a few select people she needs to be taught a lesson on humility and caring for the lives of her people.”

“Believe a lie?”

“An easy lie to believe.” The Dude laid the letter on the table. “And when the Phantom Thieves of Hearts look into her expecting to find guilt for destroying a planet, they won’t find it. But they will find an immense guilt for a much, much deeper secret, one they will not be able to see as right. And she will fall with the release of her darkest act.”

Grogar pondered this. Then he grinned. “Having the heroes do our work for us…”

“It’s a powerful tool, I’m sure you understand.” The Dude stood up, letter in hand. “I must pass this off so they can prepare. The time approahces, Grogar. We must be ready for the birthday. Everything will come crashing down.”


~~~


Pinkie knew it was today. Today, Vriska would return, and it would be precisely one thousand years since she was synthesized in the SBURBan ectobiology labs, by her perspective. And they would have a party worthy of such a momentous occasion.

But she had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. This was the climax of something, and that something was going to ruin her party. She was almost sure of it. She hoped – she really hoped – that it could be salvaged afterward and they could still make Vriska’s day feel special. 

After whatever was going to go wrong went wrong. 

Luckily for her, all the guests were here, and as Vriska’s friend, most of them were awesome combat specialists with freaky powers. All her fellow Sburb players were there, including John, Jade, Dave, Dirk, Roxy, Terezi, and a few others. Allure and her Sweeties, several people from Earth C, Corona, and all in all just a lot of friends ready to give Vriska the day of her life, each in a telling god-tier robe. Eve wasn’t there, she was busy following something else up. 

Twilence was standing next to Pinkie, on edge, partially because she wasn’t being referred to as ‘I’ in this scene, and partially because she knew I had a plan. She was right, I did have a plan. 

“I’m probably not going to stay here,” Twilence said with a sigh. “He’s going to find a way to get rid of me.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll take care of it!” Pinkie said, saluting. “We’ve got all the power we need! Extra Pinkies, a ton of Hat Kids, explosives, you name it, we got it! Having all these artifacts in one place gives us a loooot of destructive potential!”

“The artifacts are probably what they want.”

“Yeah, but only we know exactly where all of them are.”

“Magane.”

Pinkie grinned. “We moved things around since then. She’s got nothin’ on us.”

Twilence looked around the expanse, frowning. She knew every single person in this room in one way or another. And yet, she had a sneaking suspicion I was one of the people here. And she was right, I was there. 

Her mind went into overdrive, running through eliminations, trying to figure out who it could possibly be. Carnelian? She was suspiciously present, but she was neither a human nor referred to by male pronouns. One of those dead Daves? Maybe, she didn’t know all of the variations that well. That Loki fellow? Maybe, but he had been with Pinkie almost continually since they’d found him, so it seemed unlikely. 

All wrong, by the way. She isn’t going to be able to figure me out before she gets called away to defend Eve. 

Eve can defend herself. 

This is true, if it were a purely physical attack. But Twilence happens to be aware of a group called the Phantom Thieves of Heart who, coincidentally, have been digging into Eve’s past and decided she needs to have her will to hold onto her secret guilt stolen from her Palace.

“Dammit,” Twilence cursed under her breath. 

Twilence realized that she had actually been feeling them scouting out the Clock Tower for days, she had just been ignoring it. 

“I have to go,” she told Pinkie. “He’s going after Eve.”

“Eve? How?”

“Something that can’t happen yet. It is of paramount importance to the plot… and by attacking it he ensures I must go to protect it.”

That’s right Twilence, you are but a slave to ka. You are on the other side of the pen – my pen. You have been outwitted.

“This isn’t over yet,” Twilence said, leaving the universe. 

And she was gone, no longer a consequence in the game of chess that is about to unfold. 

Pinkie. 

“Oh no…” Pinkie whined. 

How does it feel? You know my eyes are bored into the back of your skull, but you can’t see me. 

Pinkie whirled around, finding several pairs of eyes on her. She bit her lip. “Just do it already.”

I already have. 

Several people within the party planet subdimension felt the dimensional travel jammer go up. They were trapped. 

“Heroes of Merodi Universalis,” Grogar said, kicking over the throne made of treasures. “Your time is at an end.” He held out a hoof. “All of you will come to serve us, in time.” 

Pinkie took out her warhammer. “Oh yeah? You and what army, goat-face?”

“Who needs an army?” Grogar asked. “When you have all the magic in the artifacts in this dimension?”

“Yeah, you have no idea where those a-” she saw Loki push a button. “…Ponyfeathers. In hindsight, that should have been obvious…”

It really should have, shouldn’t it?

“I’m beginning to see why Twilence wants to run you though.”

One of the party planets rigged to go off like a firework exploded, revealing a red and black centaur rapidly growing in size, not only draining the magic of every artifact in the sub-dimension, but also the magic of everyone attending the party – save for his allies. 

Lord Tirek, empowered by Infinity Stones, Elements of Harmony, and the personal magic of a few dozen major heroes, roared. “MY POWER KNOWS NO BOUNDS!”

“Not all of us can have our magic stolen that easily!” Corona shouted, throwing her fist forward and unleashing a rend of reality that tore through his arm… that quickly healed itself.

“I HAVE ALL YOUR ABILITIES!” Tirek shouted. “I HAVE ALL YOUR MAGIC!” He lowered his head to their level. “AND WE WILL ENSLAVE YOU!”

Chrysalis, Ba’al, Lilith, and Bleeding Heart revealed themselves. Standing in the front of the newfound group was none other than Cozy Glow herself – an adult pegasus mare with a cute smile that did not belong on her face. “Golly, looks like you’re all in a pickle! Shame we’re going to have to brainwash you with the Mindflayer, we could have been good friends. Or not, I don’t know, but I know you’ll be great servants!”

Corona frowned, realizing that there were several minds here weak enough to fall for simple coercion spells. With the Mindflayer’s general weak connection, it wouldn’t be as powerful as IT, but Corona was going to have to fight some of her friends to deal with it.

Except she made a miscalculation.

The Mindflayer didn’t have a weak connection. It had a direct one. 

The monstrous darkness tore out of the caves of a sickly-looking planet, rising into the air. The eyes of many went black with horror and screams the moment it began to spread…

“GO ALL OUT!” Corona shouted, unleashing a burst of supernova energy. 


~~~


“Astrid?”

Lielight looked up from the legal document she was reading over to see Eve. “Hmm?”

“Why are you still here?”

“What do you mean?” Lielight said, expression flat. 

“Twilence was able to see your discussion with Adagio recently. No doubt part of the Dude’s plan, but I wanted to come here anyway.” She sat down in a chair and fixed Lielight with a calculating expression. “Why are you still here?”

Lielight didn’t answer. The Dude lies, I was a secret box!

“I’m not going to hurt you, Astrid.”

“Lielight.”

“I’m going to keep calling you Astrid.”

Lielight had no coherent thoughts about that. 

“Why are you still here?”

“The void expanse of life stretches before me,” Lielight managed. “A completion and then… nothing.”

“You could have run. I doubt anyone aside from myself would have noticed.”

“Stake in the sand.”

“I know you can speak in straight. I’m giving you a modicum of respect, the least you can do is show me the same.”

Lielight furrowed her brow. “I was told I could remain. That I could keep this job where my skills are uniquely suited. That I could accomplish things.”

“And if that’s what you wanted, why haven’t you done anything since the Conversion Bureau incident?”

“Because I was told to wait.”

“It’s not like you to do that.”

“How do you know what I’m like? You only met me when I tried to take over your castle!”

“I have a good sense for ponies. If not then, now. And even if you’ve been hiding behind a mask, there are still things I can see about you.” She smiled sadly. “You really did believe everything you were saying.”

“My allies caused the entire incident in the first place. I was planted to ensure it went the way it did.”

Eve nodded. “And you still said what was correct.”

“I would have lied if that was what we needed.”

“Would you have succeeded, though?”

Lielight paused. “I don’t know.”

“Neither do I.” Eve sighed. “I’m trying to figure out what to do with you. I can’t have you working with Relations…”

“Why aren’t you just locking me up?”

“That’s an option. But I think there’s more to you than just a mare who wants revenge for a slight committed decades ago.”

Lielight looked at the ground. 

“I have apprehended Aquamarine already. There isn’t a redeeming spark in her body. But you… Like Lieshy, I think you can see.”

“…She died fighting for you,” Lielight said. 

Eve put a hoof on Lielight’s shoulder. “That never should have happened.”

“Entwined snakes at a starshow… you’re trying to befriend me.”

“It’s what we do, right? Princesses of Friendship.”

Lielight nodded. 

“I take it your other ‘friends’ aren’t very friendly.”

“Some of them. They’re not here right now.” Lielight frowned. “…I don’t even know what their big plan is. I’m just… here. Sitting. Doing nothing.”

“We’re pretty sure they’re trying something at the party planets soon.” 

“I don’t know anything.”

“I believe you.”

Lielight grimaced. “…You’re being too nice. Even for you.”

“I see more of myself in you than I’d like to admit. I just want to give you a chance to do… something.”

A dimensional portal appeared next to Eve’s head, depositing a red-and-white card on the table between them. Both Lielight and Eve were shocked by its sudden appearance. Curious, Eve flipped it open and read the note inside. 

Overhead-Charter Evening Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, Magic, and Lies…

Eve’s frown became a grimace. 

We know of your crimes against the ponies of the Conversion Bureau. The destruction of an entire universe filled with living, thinking beings just for the sake of peace. We have decided to steal away your need for secrecy and make you confess your sins to your nation. They deserve to know what really lies behind your smiling façade. This will be done within the day. We hope you are prepared. 

“No…” Eve said, pupils shrinking to pinpricks. “No…”

“What’s the problem?” Lielight asked. “You already confessed to that publicly, nobody made much of a fuss.”

“They’ll find other things…” Eve said, a haunted expression on her face. “I… Astrid, I have to go. You… I’m not pressing charges. But I’d find somewhere that isn’t the Relations Division. There’s a place for you, I… I just… I have to go.” She lit her horn and teleported away, leaving a very confused Lielight behind. 

She would leave later that day.


~~~


Phantom Thieves of Hearts…

This was not the first time a version of them had come to Merodi Universalis. They were a group of driven young people from worlds under the influence of the Great Will who used their mysterious abilities to change the hearts of those they deemed evil. They would enter a manifestation of the target’s mindscape – known as a Palace – and steal the deepest desire within. The heist would change the person, generally making them confess, but it could also make them lose some other dark part of themselves. 

Eve, the Thieves thought, was going to be a standard case. Rush in, expose her crimes of destruction, and then get out. She’d confess and be tried, nothing special. 

As I entered Eve’s Palace, I looked back to the last few days the Thieves had spent scouting the place out. I realized with mild surprise that I had always been there, for Eve’s mental image of myself had been interacting with the interior ever since Joker and his troop had first set foot in the realm…

“A clock tower…” Queen observed, folding her arms. 

Oracle held a hand to her goggles, looking the place over. “Wonder why it’s a Clock Tower…”

“Fear of inevitability,” Joker said, removing his hand from his signature white masquerade mask. “She knows she can’t keep her secrets forever. And so the very world she rules is a ticking time bomb counting down until the truth of her is revealed.”

Skull grunted. “Let’s just figure this place out already. I’m already expecting annoying puzzles with gears…”

Morgana – a strange cat-like creature, grinned. “Oh, c’mon, puzzles are great!”

“Hmph.”

They would enter the Tower, and have an easy time for a while. They’d fight through some mental shadows, listen to conversations between ghostly representations of the people in Eve’s life, and they began to learn. 

“Joker?” Oracle asked, coming back from some reconnaissance. “She’s… destroyed several worlds.”

“It’s bigger than we thought…”

“I don’t think she feels particularly guilty about any of them. Definitely not enough to warrant a Clock Tower that must never strike midnight.”

“Wait,” Skull said, pointing at her. “You tellin’ me there’s somethin’ worse goin’ on here?”

Oracle nodded. “This place… hides a secret even darker than we imagined.”

Joker put a hand to his face, thoughtful. “Looks like we’ll be exposing more than just a simple lost world.”

“We’ll need to be very, very careful.”

They were. They acted with such impressive stealth… but I was still there. Eve held a manifestation of myself in her Palace, and as manifestations of me tend to do, they acted in ways that weren’t normal. Acted with knowledge they should not have. 

“There aren’t supposed to be any enemies in this area!” Skull shouted, summoning his Persona. A Stand-like entity that resembled a pirate captain standing atop a comically edgy ship barely large enough for him to stand on. The Persona rushed forward, meeting the wires of Lolo. He was easily pushed back as if there were nothing.

“Please,” the shadow of Flutterfree said, tears streaking down her face. “Please don’t do this to her. Don’t take away her will…”

“You are too devoted to her,” Queen stated, ramming into Flutterfree with her motorbike Persona. 

“And you don’t know what you’re doing!” Flutterfree shouted, filling the arena with Rage…

But my shadow was still that – a shadow. Clever, able to manipulate events, but still nothing compared to me. Limited… but able to keep herself hidden. 

“One of us has a plan of some kind…” a shadow said, removing a gear the Thieves had just placed back in the Clock Tower. “She hasn’t been acting… normal…”

“How does she even move around so much?”

“Perhaps she’s part of the other project?”

“Already that project encroaches upon our Tower…”

Queen rushed in, decimating both shadows and replacing the gears. 

The Thieves still had no idea what the true secret was. Even after facing the shadow of… her.

The thing looked like Evening. But it didn’t. One moment it was a shining beacon of hope and holy light, the next it was a barely held-together ramshackle mess of exposed bone, loose tendons, and rotting flesh. A paradoxical mixture of reverence and death. 

“What IS that!?” Oracle shouted, hiding behind her UFO-Persona.

“I don’t know, but it’s something real messed up!” Morgana let out a battle meow and activated his swordsman Persona, puncturing the Eve-thing in multiple places. ‘She’ didn’t seem to care, lashing out with a nasty, bulbous limb that glowed with the power of the stars…

They would beat the manifestation, like they beat all of them, and they would arrive at the door at the top of the Clock Tower. Because of how the heists work, they had to leave the Clock Tower and send a calling card to Eve… That had happened recently. Very recently. 

Now that the card was sent, they were running through the Clock Tower as fast as they could to reach the top, steal whatever artifact Eve’s personal shadow held to represent her secrets, and get out. What they had neglected to factor into account was me. Informed by a shadow of myself who had been watching them for the last few days, I waited for them in front of the final doors. 

“What?” Skull shouted when he saw me. “We cleared all the big ones out of here already!”

“A Twilence shadow… That’s the unusual one we were hearing about,” Queen said, narrowing her eyes. “Staying out of sight until the right moment.”

“Guys, I don’t think that’s a shadow,” Oracle said, grimacing. “I think that’s her.”

“Good deduction,” I said, leveling my gaze on Joker. “…I have to stop you.”

“The world deserves to know her secrets,” Joker asserted. “Whatever they are.”

“They already know most of the ones of consequence to them. Those that aren’t will be revealed in due time – the Clock Tower exists because I told her that the secrets would be revealed. There is no escaping the inevitable.”

“Then why are you stopping us?” Morgana asked. 

“Because it can’t happen now. The time is not right. She has more time before it comes crashing down on her. The story cannot be changed.”

Joker narrowed his eyes. “The story can always be changed. The fact that you’re here is evidence of that.”

“The fact that I am here is because of a trap laid by a man beyond your comprehension,” I said with a frown. “He is attempting to tear down Merodi Universalis from the inside, and he wanted me out of the way. So he sent you a tip about Evening’s ‘secrets’ and directed you to her palace, so you would ‘threaten’ the future plot. Since there is no discernable method aside from myself to prevent you from revealing everything. I must be here.” I let out a sigh. “I have no choice.”

“Surely Merodi Universalis is more important than… defending this lie!” 

“It is. But I meant it when I said I had no choice, Joker.” I shook my head. “I am obligated to be here. This Eye of Rhyme is, in many ways, a curse. I want to defend my friends, I want to show that Dude’s smug mug what really matters, and I want to outsmart him. But he has me here. Because I have to be. I do not get to think about the ‘rightness’ or ‘wrongness’ of what I need to do to stop you, I just get to do it.”

“…That’s terrible,” Oracle said.

“It is. But, unlike me, you have a choice.” I spread my wings and fixed them all with an understanding smile. “Her secrets will be revealed anyway. Nothing of this magnitude can stay hidden forever. She will suffer no small amount of pain from what she’s done.”

Joker looked me in the eyes. “Will the people know? All of them?”

I froze. “…I am uncertain.”

“Then we’re not g-”

“Because Merodi Universalis will fall if everyone knows of Eve’s lies.”

“That’s bullshit!” Skull declared.

“You are talking to perhaps the one entity in the multiverse that would know this for sure. If everything she does is exposed, she gets tried, she gets impeached. The inherent TRUST we’ve built in our government crumbles. The face of Merodi Universalis is gone, and the rapid forward progression ends. Corruption seeps in through the open slots, and the people become restless. Our enemies take advantage of us and we cease. To. Be. And you want to know what the big secret is? What the huge, tremendous, impossible secret behind these doors is? What will bring Merodi Universalis to its knees if you do what you want to do?”

The five of them stared at me with rapt attention. 

“The real Evening Sparkle has been dead for decades. She is a copy created shortly before her death, a mare who should not have lived. She is not the Charter-Princess.”

Joker took a step back. “That’s…”

“She was scared. Scared of her friends, what they would think, what they would do. She was right to be scared. Something like that would have driven a divide between them that would be impossible to mend. So she lied. She said she was the Eve they remembered. She tried to live normally. She only ever told me – because I knew – and Flutterfree – because she felt she needed to. We – and now you – are the only ones who know.” I leaned in. “Do you want to threaten this entire nation over the mistake of a sad, terrified mare decades ago?”

Joker got over his previous hesitation, walking right up to me. “If that were her only secret, we would walk away, no questions asked. But we have seen dozens, if not hundreds of acts in this Tower that need to be given more weight. She dismisses the destruction of universes!”

“And you dismiss the collapse of a society,” I retorted.

“The truth will set you free.”

“The truth can be a curse and a weapon.”

Joker summoned his Persona – a humanoid entity with dark, angular wings. “I guess we’ll see who’s right, then.”

I sighed. I took out a piece of paper and started scribbling. “Don’t mind me, just writing a note.”

No notes. 

“I’ll make notes if I want to, Dude,” I hissed. “Just need t-”

What is it?

“Just a bit of assurance that I’ll win this little fight.” I folded the paper up and engulfed it in fire. “No cheating.”

“…I think you’re the one who’s cheating,” Skull grunted. 

“Maybe.” I flared my wings. “Come at me.”

“PERSONA!” All five of them shouted. All aside from Oracle charged as a team. I knew exactly what I needed to do. All four of them were powerhouses, but with Oracle in the background they would be significantly stronger. I teleported right next to her and dissipated her Persona with a simple spell, forcing her to the ground. Before any of the others could do anything, I cast a blank spell, removing all sense of awareness from her mind. She tipped over, out cold. 

“Oracle!” Queen shouted, turning her bike Persona around to charge me. 

“She’ll be fine,” I said, using a shield to intercept the bike’s nuclear blast, shrugging it off easily. I used the same Persona-dissipating spell on her, dropping her to the ground. She was able to cast a delayed spell to prevent the mind-blanking, but she couldn’t stop an intense laser to the face. 

Skull and Morgana attacked – jock and cat as one, opting to avoid Personas entirely since I clearly had an easy way to remove them. Skull swung an immense magic-infused lead pipe while Morgana… turned into a car. 

I grabbed the lead pipe with my magic and swung Skull around into Morgana the cat-car, tossing them to the side. They were still up and ready to fight – but I had more pressing matters to deal with. I met Joker’s guns with magic bolts of my own, shrugging off the bullets with ease. I charged him, powering up an immense magical explosion. 

And then Twilence felt the narrative slip from her hooves. 

“Wait, no!”

Joker knew exactly what to do. He dissipated his Persona, accessing one of the other Personas he had picked up in this Palace. One of the strongest he had ever encountered, and definitely the most useful. “PERSONA!” he shouted.

The shadow of Flutterfree appeared behind him as his Persona. Her eyes were solid purple with glowing tear-streaks running down her face, and her wings were tipped with blades of Rage.

This Persona had a Stand. A very particular meta-oriented stand by the name of Lotus Locus that encircled Twilence in vines. This would have done next to nothing, would have been easy for the Muse of Ka to break free form. Except it targeted not only her, but her Eye of Rhyme, revealing what was latently inside of it. 

“No! Don’t do that, you c-” Twilence froze as the Eye of Rhyme activated as it had centuries ago, filling her mind with an update - it had nothing in it, but her mind was still frozen. During this update, she was helpless.

Joker recalled Flutterfree, calling out his original angel-like Persona. Now that Twilence was occupied… She could be put to sleep with a simple spell. 

Twilence was defeated by the hero. 

Joker looked around. Oracle was out of commission completely; Queen was heavily injured, while Skull and Morgana were just a little bruised. They could still take Eve’s shadow like this. The mission wasn’t a bust. 

“Let’s move!” Joker called. “That’s given her too much time to react!”

Skull picked up the limp form of Oracle – and then they ran into the room at the top of the Clock Tower. 

It smelled vaguely of roses…


~~~


I looked at my handiwork. 

I’d let Corona put up a good fight. She’d charged right into the Mindflayer, fought it on its own terms, and used a complex series of mental magic spells to render the monstrosity completely inert. For a moment, she had looked like she would pull it off.

But, of course, the computer had told me about this. That I would let her win for a moment, defeating their strongest opponent. It was really nothing to write home about – because Tirek just absorbed the Mindflayer’s magic and remained in control of most the inhabitants of the party. 

Tirek flicked her with a finger, driving her deep into the go-kart planet, sending the karts flying into the black void. The Hat Kids jumped on her like ravenous dogs, smacking her with baseball bats. She struggled to find an opening to do much of anything without incinerating the innocent kids around her. 

The other heroes were busy fighting their own friends. Roxy was fighting off Carnelian, Pinkie had to take on Link and Midna, and most of the Merodi Soldiers had fallen. 

The Dude heard Grogar cackle. “This is it! All the heroes will fall – and be subject to our will!”

“Yay!” Cozy shouted, clapping her hooves. “This is easy!”

Of course it was; I was influencing it. I was ensuring they would fall like dominoes. There was nothing they could do. Their strongest Aware was Pinkie, and she could do nothing to me. She didn’t even know who I was. As far as she was concerned, I was just another zombie that had been controlled by the bad guys. 

“Going to keep mocking our love?” Lilith shouted, taking one of Mattie’s whips to the face without even flinching.

“Mate, I’m not known to stop the mock train.” She jumped over the psychotic Rarity and drove a hoof into Bleeding Heart. Lilith took the opportunity to bite down on Mattie’s ear in an attempt to rip it off. 

“I see we’re on the pleasure cruise,” Matie commented, driving her into the ground with a pinwheel motion. “But I’m afraid I have t-”

Tirek snapped his fingers and Mattie was frozen in a block of ice. “PATHETIC!” he shouted, his muscles brimming with the power of stars, his eye larger than the planets themselves. “ALL THE MAGIC IN THIS WORLD IS MINE!”

Cozy Glow held up a note, scrutinizing it. 

Wait. A note? A note that looked suspiciously like the one Twilence had burned in the Clock Tower a moment ago. She must have used a dragonfire mimic spell. She had a backup plan. But no matter – whatever it was, it was too late. Everything was set up, and in a few minutes, the cavalry would arrive… and everything would fall into place. 

Like clockwork, Pinkie appeared in front of Tirek with a giant hammer. “EAT THIS!”

Tirek grabbed her in his magic, sneering. “You are a foolish little pony. What can you hope to do against the centaur with the power of infinity? What dare you say to the…”

And… now.

A dimensional portal opened up right in Tirek’s chest, tearing his body asunder. Such a thing never happened. Portals were supposed to be blocked to this universe, dimensional devices were supposed to check for safety, and they generally didn’t have that much force in them.

But a few unlikely coincidences could make something just like that happen. Because it was the best way for Vriska Serket to make an entrance. She charged through the portal, swinging her sword wide enough to cut through Tirek’s immense form. He gagged, barely holding on to his life without the presence of a heart.

He did not last much longer. Vriska took one look at him and absorbed all the luck she could manage, dropping his already slim chances of survival to none. He crumpled under the weight of his own power and lost control of his magic, losing control of all the partygoers, reducing the small army of Grogar’s to nothing. 

“What!?” Grogar shouted. “That… that’s impossible!”

“Happy one-thousandth birthday Vriska!” Pinkie shouted, pulling her into a hug as the rest of the Primary Team jumped out of the portal.

“Oh, a bunch of bad guys for me to slay and a universe to save?” Vriska grinned. “Pinkie, you shouldn’t have.”

“I didn’t! But I’m beginning to think that was the point all along!”

Vriska rolled her dice, getting straight 8s without even trying. This was her time. This was her birthday. This was her moment of glory. As the blue armor of Mindfang took shape around her, she took a dramatic pose at the front of the team. Renee, Pinkie, Jotaro, Nova, and Flutterfree posed behind her, glowing like the heroes they were. 

“No! We prepared for everything!” Grogar shouted. “We…”

“Are nothing more than a nice deli platter for me to cut up,” Vriska cackled. She kicked Grogar across the face, tossing him to the side. Flutterfree grabbed Chrysalis, pinning her to the ground. Renee encased Ba’al in a powerful magic barrier. Jotaro pummeled Loki like he was weightless. Pinkie smacked Lilith across the head with her squeaky hammer, and Nova grabbed Bleeding Heart in a mind-blank spell, dropping her to the ground.

It was all too easy. It was all exactly as I intended. I took a step forward, extending my hand to Vriska. “Happy birthday.”

Vriska smirked in my direction. “Aww, Dirk, you shouldn’t have.” She moved to pull me into one of her way-too-friendly hugs. But I would endure it – it was her birthday after all. 

For I, Dirk Strider, Prince of Heart, was the Dude. And I had duped Merodi Universalis, the local Legion of Doom, and none other than Twilence herself for a birthday present. 

I think that proves everything I want it to. Glad to have you on this little journey. I…

What?

Why do I…

“Dirk ‘the Dude’ Strider fell to the ground, out cold,” Cozy Glow said, tossing a tranquilizer gun to the side. “Cozy Glow took center stage.” Her eyes brimmed with power as a psychotic grin crossed her face. “There’s no Twilence anymore. There’s no ‘Dude’. There is only me and the power I took from Tirek.” 

“Oh give it a rest, another inevitable villain betrayal?” Vriska rolled her eyes. “There’s no way he didn’t expect this.”

“Oh, he did, and he made plans for it,” Cozy said, the Infinity Stones appearing around her head like a tiara. “But he didn’t think it was possible for me to figure out he wasn’t on our side ahead of time.” She produced a hastily scrawled note on a piece of notebook paper. “Luckily Twilence took care of that.”

Vriska pointed her sword at her. “I’m on a roll today, pegasus. You don’t have anything against me on my day. I-”

Cozy’s wings lit on rainbow fire. She glanced at Carnelian and drained all her magic. The poor Gem didn’t poof – didn’t even scream. Her entire body was drained, leaving nothing but a colorless, dead Gem behind. “Dirk said we weren’t supposed to kill so we could use you. I’m not listening to that stupid rule. I will start killing people if you don’t let me into all your minds right now. In fact…” She spread her wings. “I will take this entire universe and everyone in it to oblivion if you don’t bow now.”

“CARNELIAN!” Roxy shouted, rushing Cozy without thinking. Cozy raised an eyebrow, firing a beam of energy from the Power Stone right into Roxy’s chest, blowing a hole through her the size of a soccer ball. The Rogue of Void fell back, trembling, onto Carnelian’s lifeless gemstone. 

“Anyone else?” Cozy asked. 


~~~


Eve ran into the Intelligence Division Primary Office – a place that existed in its own universe, separate from everything else. Always moving, always hiding… always secret.

Eve bashed into Giorno’s office and slammed the calling card on his desk. “I need to get into my own palace and I need to do it now. They’re going to expose my secrets. I trust you understand the weight of this situation?”

Giorno stood up in alarm – he didn’t need to be told why that couldn’t happen. “Palace…”

“Persona 5, Phantom Thieves of Hearts. You have some versions of them working for you, you should know how to find it.”

Giorno nodded. “We need to hurry. Down, to the lab.”

Eve couldn’t teleport within the walls of the Intelligence Division, so the two of them ran to the elevator. Giorno used his Stand to confirm his identity and they slid down to one of the deeper levels. They ran out into a room filled with unusual machines, several sets of similar-looking cards to the one Eve had brought in, and an older woman with orange hair and large technological goggles.

“Oracle, we need to trace Eve’s Palace,” Giorno ordered. “No questions.”

The elder Oracle nodded. Wordlessly, she led Eve into a tall, cylindrical glass case affixed to a red-and-black machine with numerous dials. She didn’t explain anything – she closed the glass door, sealed her in, and ran the analysis. Eve felt tingly as lines of code ran across the screen, but otherwise nothing visible happened. 

“Got the coordinates,” elder Oracle said, pointing at the screen. “Seraphim should be able to access it. I will warn you, Stands can’t manifest in Palaces, but they will have Stand-like powers. I could join yo-”

“No,” Eve said. “I have to do this on my own.” She summoned Seraphim and tore a hole in reality through its center, leading right to the front doors of an immense ethereal Clock Tower. “Thank you for your assistance.” 

“Anything else?” Giorno asked.

“If they get out anyway, you are going to have to lock me up and find a way to restore my heart to the way it was before.”

“I’m not certain that’s possible,” the elder Oracle admitted.

“Which is why I’m going in.” She flew through Seraphim’s portal. She looked up at the Clock Tower – one minute away from midnight. She instinctively understood exactly what it meant. She was this close to having her secrets released to the world. When the bells rang, it would all be over. 

But they hadn’t rung yet. She could still stop this. 

She saw them. The Thieves, jumping out the front doors of the Clock Tower – freezing when they saw her. Only two of them were standing – Joker and ‘Queen’, if Eve remembered her reading correctly. All the others were out cold or heavily injured from storming the Clock Tower. 

Joker held the treasure of Eve’s heart in his hand: a small, insignificant gold key. 

Eve threw her calling card down in the ground in front of them. “I can’t let you do this. It’ll de-”

“We already know,” Queen spat. “Twilence told us everything. Tried to get us to turn back. We didn’t.”

Eve frowned. “…I understand.”

“We understand as well,” Joker said. “If you would tell everyone of your own free will…”

“I won’t.”

“Then we have to fight, ‘Evening’.”

Eve nodded. “You’re weak, bruised, battered. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Joker sighed. “I don’t want to either… but if we want out of here, we’re going to have to play dirty.”

He summoned the shadow of Flutterfree. 

Eve told Seraphim to create absolute zero. It could only do it on the other side of the portal, but she could still drag the shards of ice into the new realm if she wanted. 

They charged.


~~~


Roxy knew she was bleeding out. She was only vaguely aware of the confrontation between Cozy Glow and everyone else…

“What happened to you?” Allure demanded. “I knew you were evil, and bad, but you were never a murderous psycho!”

Cozy huffed. “I’ve spent the last few decades living under Tirek and Grogar. They’ve become my family, and I’ve learned a lot. A lot about what it means to have power and what it means to seek revenge.” She pointed a hoof at Allure. “You don’t back down for any reason, not when you have a goal to accomplish. You go to the ends of existence for it.”

Roxy, somehow, had the strength to move despite there being a giant hole in her chest. She didn’t really question it. Instead, she was busy thinking why did Dirk have to go and be such a fuckin’ idiot? Anger rose up in her as she saw the lifeless form of Carnelian on the ground – colorless aside from Roxy’s own blood. She’s dead because of him!

“John! Do something!” Pinkie called. 

“You think John can do anything?” Cozy asked, an amused smile on her face. “The moment he even starts thinking of zapping everywhere, I use the mind control to take over his mind. What, did you think I didn’t get access to all the powers Tirek had? I’m not dumb! I just want you to give up willingly.”

“What do you think the chances of that are?” Vriska asked with a sneer.

“Slim, admittedly, but the chances go up with the body count!” 

Roxy felt her vision swimming away. She was going to die. Didn’t matter if it was Heroic or Just or not, the Gallifreyans had that lock on her soul. She’d be sent away to fight Lord English. Alive… but likely not able to see any of the friends she had made here ever again. Sent back to her life…

There had to be something. Something she could do…

“Desperate?”

With significant effort, Roxy tilted her head toward a familiar psychotic unicorn. 

“Gems have life-absorption properties, you know,” Lilith said. “You’re holding one in your hands.”

Roxy looked at the crystal that had once been Carnelian. She furrowed her brow. “W-why?”

“Because that Cozy bitch needs to be flayed,” Lilith muttered. “Do it before you die, okay?”

Several Aradias came after Cozy from different timestreams, but the time-related powers flowed through the Time Stone and rendered all the Aradias useless, turning them all to corpses. 

“I have Time under my control!” Cozy shouted. “I could have John retcon anything you might do away! I can squish you by magical power alone!” She glowered. “Surrender or die.”

Roxy used her Void powers to tap into the lifeless crystal. There was nothing in there… just an empty computer matrix devoid of all magical energy. She only had seconds… she needed to activate its life-absorption matrix somehow… somehow…

Desperate, she shoved it into the hole in her chest, coating it in her blood. As the Rogue of Void, she could steal the ‘lack of concept’ from something. She wasn’t sure what exactly would work here, so she stole the concept of ‘off’. 

That did it. The gemstone flashed brightly, and Roxy was reduced to dust. Nobody aside from Lilith even noticed, for the Void kept her shrouded. The once dead, white crystal filled with red life… and sat there. 

“You’re all thinking of plans, of machinations,” Cozy said, stamping her hoof. “But you have no options here. Not anymore.”

“I think we have options,” Pinkie said.

“What?”

“Keep talking until Twilence gets back or Dirk wakes up. Or, how about this, turn ourselves in and then have Twilence show up when she’s done with whatever she’s doing! Or, heck, Eve. I bet Eve could have some fun here. Then there’s Nanoha, any number of our allies…”

“That doesn’t help you now.” 

“Oh, now? Well, now, neither Dirk nor Twilence are here, so…” Pinkie put a hoof to her chin. “General story rules apply again. And you’re being a pretty nasty villain.”

“I went to the computer myself,” Cozy Glow said with a smirk. “It assured us we would win.”

“It can lie,” Allure pointed out.

“As far as I know, it only told ‘the Dude’ one lie: that no one would die.”

“And it hasn’t told the rest of you lies?”

“Maybe?” Cozy said, shrugging. “I’m just acting on what I know here.” 

The Carnelian gemstone flashed. At first, it tried to take its somewhat short humanoid form, but quickly decided that wasn’t worth it. The gemstone took its position on the back of a tall, slender, feminine humanoid. She popped into existence without much fanfare, her body a pale red shade rather than the deep color that Carnelian had worn prior. Her hair was light, curled in one spot, and her eyes were a bright pink. The robes of the Rogue of Void appeared around her, as dark blue as always, contrasting her pale crimson. She took in her surroundings. 

She was… a Gem. Specifically, a Carnelian. Not the Carnelian… there was only one mind in there, and that mind was Roxy Lalonde. But she was no longer human. She was a genderless magical space rock with her entire self stored on a hard crystal affixed to the base of her neck. She didn’t feel all… there. 

But she could see Cozy. And, at the moment, Cozy couldn’t see her. 

She reached to touch her gemstone, slowly pulling out a hard-light sword reminiscent of a katana. Slowly, but surely, she moved toward Cozy. Unnoticed… invisible…

She swung her sword. 

“IDIOT!” Cozy shouted, grabbing the sword with magic Roxy couldn’t identify. She tore it out of Roxy’s hands, teleported it behind the new Gem and drove the tip into the crystal. 

There was a sickening crack. 


~~~


Joker was alarmed to discover that Eve had no difficulty at all beating Flutterfree’s shadow into the ground. The Overhead knew the mare like the back of her hoof – and her mental projection of the pegasus even more so. The stolen Persona was tossed around like a ragdoll easily, her revelation power only seeking to harm her chances of winning. 

“We’re well aware of the chances one of us might go evil one day,” Eve said, kicking Flutterfree between the eyes to end another Rage-endowed attack. “I know everything to take her out should I need to. And she has people on speed-dial to take care of me.”

“She can’t beat you?” Joker asked, swapping Flutterfree out for his usual dark angel Persona. 

“No. Seraphim makes that too difficult,” Eve admitted. “You’re lucky I can’t bring it in here. I could just render your Personas useless.”

“Twilence didn’t need a Stand to do that,” Queen commented, driving her nuclear-endowed motorcycle-Persona right into Eve’s face, blowing her across the arena. She picked up Joker and tried to make a run from the palace, but Eve teleported the two of them right next to her. She grabbed ice from the portal and surrounded the three of them in a dark, cold whirlwind. 

“I don’t need to cancel your powers,” Eve declared. She accessed the power of Celestia, creating a miniature sun in the air. 

She blew it up, shattering the whirlwind of ice and tossing the two Thieves backward. Queen broke her leg on the landing, effectively removing her from the fight. 

It was just Joker and Eve now. 

Joker tightened his grip on the golden key. He was breathing heavily – heavier than he had in a long while. He’d essentially just gone through a triple boss rush. His team was down, and he himself had been beaten nearly to death multiple times today alone. He didn’t like his odds.

But that wasn’t going to stop him from trying. 

“PERSONA!” he raged, tapping into dark magics as his Persona engulfed him. He charged Eve. She encased herself in a sheen of ice and brought another mini-sun into existence.

He missed her on purpose, jumping past her toward the open portal Seraphim was keeping. He held the key out on the tips of his fingers. If it could just cross the dimensional barrier…

“You will never reach reality,” Giorno said from the other side of the portal, summoning his Stand and holding its palm to the swirling portal. The moment the key attempted to cross the barrier… it couldn’t, the power of Gold Experience Requiem preventing it from ever leaving the world.

While it was in Joker’s hands, anyway. He ordered his Persona to pick up the key and throw it through the portal. 

The moment he released it to his Persona, Eve flew in and grabbed it herself. With a swift kick, she pushed Joker through the portal. His persona dissipated, as did most of his power. Giorno quickly subdued him, hand over the mouth to prevent him from saying anything.

“I will have to wipe him,” Giorno said. “And any others that are in there.”

“I know,” Eve said, frowning. “…I’m sorry, Joker.”

Joker looked at her not with vengeance or anger – but pity. 

With a curt nod, Eve looked at the key in her magic. It was small, golden, and would no doubt fit perfectly in one of the clocks she owned. But she couldn’t remove it from her own Palace. She had to maintain her own secrecy. 

She teleported to the room at the top of the Tower, finding me lying unconscious at the doorway. She picked me up in her magic and walked into the final room. 

Gears. Gears everywhere, marred by a scent of roses. In the center of the room was a pedestal, on of which a representation of the Dark Tower stood. 

She swore she could hear it whispering to her. Was it her own mind, or had she created a manifestation of the Tower through her subconscious?

She didn’t know. All she did was lay the golden key at the base of the tower… and left.

The Phantom Thieves of Hearts would be returned to the desert town in Celestia City the next day with no memory of anything that had happened.  


~~~


Corona held her arms in front of her, glowing with the sickly colors of Doom. Her limbs were crossed – one pointing at Cozy, one at Roxy. 

The Doom of Roxy had transferred to Cozy. The pegasus mare’s skull had fractured as though a sword had been rammed through it with enough power to split atoms. 

Cozy’s lifeless form slumped to the ground, dead. 

Corona let out a sigh of relief.

“That Doom power is really helpful,” Flutterfree commented.

Corona barely had enough energy to nod in her direction. 

Roxy gingerly touched her gemstone. Not a scratch on it. Her relief was quickly replaced by pain. 

Carnelian…

Eve and I appeared in the universe at that moment, ready to help with whatever was left. It was quickly clear to us that we had arrived too late for that. The villains had already been defeated, the final sacrifices made, the climax at an end. 

And so I did the second thing on my list. 

I woke Dirk up with a lightning bolt to the face. “Get up,” I ordered. 

He did, his face as expressionless as always. 

“Your arrogance is disgusting,” I spat.

“I could say the same of you.”

“At least I care.” 

“And I don’t? This entire thing was just for Vriska.”

“You’re kidding yourself,” I growled.

“Who the fuck cares if most of it was to fuck with you? I chose to do it as a present for Vriska.”

“That didn’t work!”

“Please, the only damage that was actually done was that Gem, and I’m sure we can find some way to get her back.”

“You threatened the stability of Merodi Universalis!”

“I knew that anything I did could not change what ka needs to happen. Not with the retroactive Narrative.”

I glared at him. “You took full advantage of it… But you are wrong, things could be changed. Roxy wasn’t a Gem. Now she is.”

“She’s better off that way.”

“I know that!” I spat. “I know it’s more ‘her’, but we’re not talking about that! We’re talking about your reckless behavior! You were duped by Cozy Glow! How were you not expecting that?”

“I was. I was not expecting you to give her what she needed to turn against me.”

“Come again?”

“If you hadn’t sent that note, Cozy would have believed I was on their side. She would not have betrayed me. She would have gone down just like the rest of them since she wouldn’t have prepared to take Tirek’s power. But you told her there was no way I was on their side. Correct, but it gave her the chance to do what she wanted.”

“DIRK!” Vriska shouted, pointing a sword at his neck. “You. Suck.”

“You appreciated the gift at first.”

“Yeah, well, I’m a shortsighted self-absorbed spiderbitch who needs a second to think about things before making judgments! You’re a super-genius mastermind! You shouldn’t have even tried this!” 

“He can’t stand being in the background,” I said, distasteful. “I told him to watch his place. He wouldn’t accept that.”

“Would you?” Dirk asked.

“I would love it if this Eye would go away.”

“I’m indifferent about the Ultimate Self.”

I frowned. “…We can’t just let you walk away from this.”

“Fuck, really? Do you want to turn me into an actual villain? Conniving ways to get back at you for ruining my attempt at a birthday party? That’s a lame backstory, you need to think of something bet-”

Roxy cut off his head with her sword. Everyone was silent. 

“The Gallifreyans have him now,” Roxy said, dissipating her sword. “He’ll be sent back to fight Lord English. We know he survives the encounter. But he won’t be doing anything like this to any of us again. Fuckin’ asshole.”

She turned and walked away.

“Roxy…” John called.

“I don’t want to hear it, John.”

John zapped in front of her.

“I said I-”

John held out a perfectly healthy version of Carnelian from the metapast. 

“C-carnelian…” Roxy said, eyes wide. “I…”

Carnelian took one look at Roxy and shuddered in fear. 

It was like looking at her own dead body. 

“I…” Roxy made herself invisible.

With a sigh, Vriska turned to Pinkie. “…Pinks…?”

“Y-yeah?” Pinkie asked.

“I’m sorry. Not really in the mood for a party.”

“I… I understand.” Pinkie was trying not to cry.

Vriska nodded slowly. She took one look at Dirk’s body, contemplating driving her sword into it. 

She decided that would be pointless. She just wanted to go home. 


~~~


And so things, in a way, returned to the way they were before. A few minor differences. Roxy was a Gem, but you’d be surprised how little that changed things, overall. 

All the heroes ended up in more or less the same place they were before. Allure continued working with the League, Corona continued research and exploration, Eve continued working as the Overhead, Renee returned to her post, and Pinkie continued leading the Primary Team. 

The villains had different fates. Many of them were dead. A few just vanished off the face of the planet, never to be seen again. Both Ba’al and Loki managed to slip away. Grogar was imprisoned and placed into Nautica under maximum security guard, surprised to find a few alternate versions of himself in there. He lived the rest of his days as a bitter, angry goat, which was to say his days in prison were about the same as they were out of prison. 

Chrysalis was sent back to Thorax. She was completely off-the-rocker mad, but the Changelings took her in and promised to see what they could do for her. Don’t hold out, that queen lost her mind so long ago there’s little chance she regains much of anything even with acceptance from those who shunned her leadership. 

Sometimes you’ll hear stories of Adagio and Starlance out there in the multiverse, staying as far away from higher societies as possible. 

As it turned out, the Mindflayer hadn’t been completely defeated, but it had been slowed considerably – efforts by the TSAB to extinguish the multiversal plague were met with success for the first time in many years. 

Magane appeared here and there, cryptic and manipulative as always, never letting anyone be certain if she was really evil or just insane. 

Lilith was locked up and placed in an asylum. Bleeding Heart was allowed to go free – but she spends most her time at the asylum with Lilith anyway. The two are essentially inseparable in what Mattie would call a “right screwy relationship.” 

There was a funeral for Dirk. No one felt right about it. Dave didn’t even show up. They all knew Dirk was still around, just not with them at the moment. And that he had brought this on himself. Roxy couldn’t bring herself to attend. 

Roxy tried to reconnect with Carnelian, but the Gem had decided it was all too much. The party, seeing her dead self walking around like a zombie, it… she needed to go back to Homeworld and get away from the craziness. Roxy accepted this, and they drifted apart, as people tend to do. 

Lielight… Well, at last, here’s some good news. 

“Hey, Lielight?”

Lielight looked up from her newspaper that was supposed to be inconspicuous. “Eve, I’m getting out like you want.”

“I’ve changed my mind.” Eve smiled warmly. “You can stay and work. As Astrid, as Lielight, whoever you want.”

“Barrel primates! Why!?”

“…There was once a filly by the name of Cozy Glow. We locked her away instead of trying to help her. …Granted, I do think she really was hopeless. But because we locked her away, she became even more of a monster than she had been at the start.” Eve extended a hoof. “I see a spark of something in you. I’m not going to push that away. Plus, your opinions are very different from mine. That’s very helpful in our career path.”

Lielight paused for a moment – then shook the hoof. “I fully expect to let you down and drive you insane.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

And now… let’s back up a bit. All this stuff is important, yes, but not as important as what happened shortly after the party exploded. 


~~~


Vriska walked into the diner on Earth C to the beautiful smell of a banquet. It may have been breakfast time, but her friends had ordered steak, turkey, high-quality salads, and some special drinks in addition to the normal breakfast stuff. In the center of the humble diner table was a cobalt-blue cake with the number 1000 written on it in icing.

“It hasn’t been twenty-four hours yet,” Pinkie said, grinning. “Technically still your birthday.”

“Have a seat, have some cake,” Flutterfree encouraged.

“It’s not going to explode, is it?” Vriska asked, sitting down. 

Pinkie shook her head. “It’s just a cake. Something simple.”

Vriska took a slice out of the sugary substance and shoved a copious amount into her mouth. “Delicious as always, Pinks.”

“I try,” Pinkie said with a smile. 

Vriska looked around at her friends. There weren’t too many here – just the rest of her team, Renee, Eve, Aradia, Hastur, and Starbeat. The people she cared the most about. This thought would have made her twitch in revulsion before she came to the ponies, but today it just let her smile a big, dopey smile. 

“You’re all the best,” she said, simply. “Yeah, I know, Vriska being sappy.”

“I like it,” Starbeat said. “It suits you.”

“Really? I thought it came out of nowhere like an exploding cat.”

Starbeat rolled her eyes at Hastur. “Riiiiiight.”

“So, I see you’re keeping the Rage robes,” Vriska observed, pointing at Flutterfree. “Wasn’t that just to keep me off the scent?”

“It was,” Flutterfree admitted. “But… well, I’ve been wearing them so long, it’d seem odd to take them off now. I guess if this entire ordeal gave me anything, it was a connection to my inner self.”

“And experiences!” Renee declared. “Remember, the ending is not all there is – there were many other memories!”

“Remember when we decimated Adagio’s band?” Nova asked.

“Oh, I have to hear about this!” Pinkie said, slamming her hooves on the table in mock indignation. “Come on, spill the beans! Sounds like quite the story!”

There was a chorus of laughs that never quite stopped as Nova relayed the encounter with Adagio in the world of music. Soon, everyone was smiling and having a merry time just eating with one another. No fancy treasure hunt, no party planets, not even any party games. Just a big meal and a bunch of friends. 

I did go way, way overboard, Pinkie admitted to herself. I forgot that, sometimes, the biggest parties aren’t the best ones. Often it’s the small, insignificant things that will stay with you the longest.

“…And then I locked guitars with the chaos monstrosity!” Vriska declared, jumping up on the table to reenact the scene. “I put the strings behind my back and swung through the air, coming down on his head with a THWACK and a HACK and a BA-BAM!”

“How could you possibly keep playing like that?” Eve asked.

“She just did,” Renee said with a shrug. 

“It was the clash of the ages!” Vriska continued – annoying Nova with her continued hijacking of the story. “And then… Renee, you gotta. Give us a little song.”

“Oh, uh…” Renee cleared her throat. “I don’t remember the words exactly…”

“Come on!” Pinkie said, clapping her hooves. “Just give us what you think it was! I’m sure we’ll get the jist of it!”

Aradia nodded. “I would love to hear you sing, Renee.”

Renee nodded, clearing her throat. “Well then… I don’t remember much, but I do remember this.” With a deep breath, she belted out two resonant lines.


“We are the primary team!


We shall stand tall evermore!”


Eve, Renee, Pinkie, Nova, Flutterfree, Jotaro, Vriska… 

Heroes.