//------------------------------// // You Can't Win // Story: Thomas and Friends: The Retold Adventures // by The Blue EM2 //------------------------------// It was now night time again, and the Crusaders gathered in the basement for bed once more. They were sad. Tomorrow was a school day, and that meant going and learning things, which could be pretty hard on them as it was sometimes stuff they weren't even interested in. As they settled in their sleeping bags and got ready to nod off, Pear came down into the room and sat down on the nearby chair. "Evenin', ma," Apple Bloom yawned, as she looked up at her mother. "Ya here for the story?" "Yes indeed," Pear Butter replied. "But Ah can hardly tell it if y'all ain't awake, see?" The tiredness in the eyes of Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle vanished in an instant. "Please, do tell us!" they said in unison, which was mildly creepy. Pear smiled, and relaxed in the chair. "Here is another story about Duke..." Arlesburgh depot, 20 years ago... Cheerilee sat on a chair doing some maintenance work on Duke. The season up to that point had been very busy. A lot of people came to see the mountains year after year, and of course see Duke, but they also had large numbers of new customers on the railway. It was a miracle that only three engines could handle the trains, but handle it they did. Duke was especially stubborn in that regard. Even if he felt ill, he would always take his train up the line every morning, and stop wherever they wanted on the line. Today, however, Duke had been steaming badly and was running poorly. Cheerilee had just finished mucking out his smokebox and cleaning his tubes when suddenly Stuart appeared. "Hello grandpuff!" he called. "Are you short of puff?" "Nothing of the sort," Duke grunted back. "This is routine maintenance, similar to that which Buttercup does on you." "We've just finished cleaning the tubes out and the firebox is clear of ash," Cheerilee told him. Stuart looked sad. "You know," he said, "we need to look after you in case you break down." Duke snorted. "Pah! That'll be the day!" And with Cheerilee back at his controls, he puffed away up the line. Stuart, on the other hand, looked confused. "Why is he referencing Buddy Holly?" "He may not be," Buttercup told him. "That's also a quote from The Searchers. But the Buddy Holly song's a good one though. Ah must learn it on guitar, Bright would love that." Her face went red when she thought of him, as she was more than a little taken with him. Duke didn't stay angry for long. He was smiling as he rolled along the line with his train. It was a splendid evening, and the weather was wonderful and warm. "Couldn't be better, couldn't be better!" he exclaimed. "Don't you agree?" "Yes, of course!" Cheerilee replied, as she looked about before adjusting the controls. "Just remember to keep your eye on the track-" "Never mind the view." It wasn't long before the line started to climb into the hills, and Duke began to have problems. "I should have plenty of steam, so what in the world is wrong?" he asked. Anybody looking could have told you what was wrong. His valves were leaking steam, his wheels were slipping badly on the grade, and he got slower and slower until he was barely doing a crawl. Cheerilee hit the blower to try and speed the train up, but it did little good. Duke rolled slowly and pathetically into the station at the top of the hill, and sighed. Cheerilee got out to examine Duke, whilst the passengers watched on, worried at whether they would make the boat or not. After a few minutes, Cheerilee turned around to explain what was going on. "Duke," she said, "has leaking valves and some weeping tubes. As a result, we may be a bit late to the harbour station. Don't worry, you'll still make your boat, but two other engines will come to assist the train to the station." Not long after, Stuart and Falcon arrived. Bright Mac coupled Falcon to the front of the train, so that Duke was now the second vehicle in the train. Buttercup, on the other hand, coupled Stuart to the rear. All the while the green saddle tank was chortling like a traction engine. "Oh dear," Falcon said sadly. "Poor old Grandpuff, broken down like this." "Peep peep! That'll be the day!" Stuart teased. "And indeed it is the day!" Buttercup smiled. "Ya say yer gonna leave, well ya know that's a lie." "Cause that'll be the day when Ah die!" Bright Mac finished. "Are you ready?" called Falcon. "Ready!" Stuart replied. "Let's go! Let's go!" And so, the cavalcade set off down the line for the harbour station. Duke rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I am never hearing the end of this, am I?" he asked his driver as he looked at the rails (which took some doing given an engine was coupled in front of him). "They mean no harm," Cheerilee said. "They're only teasing. Besides, I've got a plan to pay them back." At the next station, the train was split up. Falcon and Bright Mac took the passengers to the boat, and Stuart was run around the front of the train to assist Duke back to the depot. "Poor old you, broken down!" Stuart said, as he pulled away. "Poor old engine! Poor old engine!" "All right, all right, don't rub it in," Duke grumbled. He smiled. He had a plan, as Cheerilee had said, and he had plenty of steam left. When they reached the valley, which had superb accoustics, Cheerilee went into action. "NOW!" she cried, and wound Duke's regulator forward to maximum and opened the regulator to full. Duke lurched forward as smoke and steam shot from his funnel, the noise echoing around the valley. The volume was deafening, and luckily a waiting cameraman captured the entire scene on film, which can be viewed via the link in the author's notes. When they got back to the depot, everybody was waiting to see them in. "What happened?" asked a boy. "Well," said his father, "Duke had to assist Stuart as he was short of steam, and propelled the entire train here under his own power!" Stuart was about to correct him, but upon realising the absurdity of the situation, simply started laughing. "You can't win!" Duke added, and the entire station sounded to mirth and merriment. Stuart had had a good joke played upon him, and he was gracious in accepting it.