Passed On

by Scampy


VII - Afraid and Alone

“Y’all buckled up?” Applejack said.

Twilight found herself stuffed between Applejack and Celestia in the tiny seating of the truck.

“Uh-huh,” Twilight replied. Beside her, the princess said nothing, instead staring out the window.

Twilight studied her mentor, confusion on her face. How was Celestia being so calm? Maybe the truth just hadn’t set in yet, or maybe she was so heartbroken that she was lost for words. Then again, maybe she wasn’t. Maybe Sunset was never as close to the princess as Twilight was.

The more Twilight thought about it, the more she realized how different Sunset’s relationship with Celestia was from her own. Sunset herself had said Celestia would never allow her to come home. She had even wondered if her suicidal self-hatred was Celestia’s curse for her running away. Surely Sunset had been speaking metaphorically, but for such a thought to even cross her mind...

Twilight shook her head. Sunset hadn’t been thinking clearly, she told herself. Depression clouded the mind, after all. Sunset’s past actions certainly would have earned the princess’ disappointment, but never her contempt.

However, Twilight recalled how Celestia’s first assumption upon exiting the portal had been that Sunset was causing trouble. She must have still been upset with Sunset, or at the very least distrusted her. Twilight had never known the princess to hold grudges, but it was plainly obvious that Celestia harbored some resentment towards her former student.

Twilight looked over at the the princess, who was as still and silent as ever. Truthfully, her composure was making Twilight very, very uncomfortable. Was this how the she would react if something similar happened to Twilight? Sure, Celestia had never been very emotional, but something about her demeanor felt wrong in a way Twilight couldn’t quite explain.

Twilight continued to fill the silence with intense contemplation, and as she did, her expression soured. When she had first come to this world, Celestia had warned her of potential peril, yet when Sunset had run off to this world all on her own, Celestia had just let her go.

How could she have done that? If she’d suspected what lay beyond the portal was so dangerous, why had she never bothered to come after Sunset? Perhaps Celestia had hoped Sunset to return on her own. Then again, maybe she had expected Sunset to succumb to the dangers beyond the mirror. In either case, doing nothing seemed callous.

Twilight glanced over at the princess, frowning. From what she had witnessed, Sunset’s intense self-loathing entirely dominated her mind. Considering the princess’ inaction, it was no wonder she thought Celestia despised her.

Umph—!”

Twilight was snapped out of her obsessive reverie by the shaking of the truck as Applejack drove over a speedbump.

“Know where you’re going from here?” Applejack asked. She pulled the truck up to the curb, and Twilight realized they were just beside the main entrance to the hospital.

“I remember, yes,” Twilight said. “I can’t say how long we’ll be, though. It’d probably be best if you went home for the evening.”

“Nothin’ doin’.” Applejack shook her head. “No way am I letting you sleep on a waiting room chair two nights in a row. I’ll be here when y’all are done, then we’ll head back to my place.”

Celestia opened the door and rose from her seat without a word. Twilight watched with increasing unease as the princess stared up at the lines of windows along the front of the building, her expression unreadable. Finally, she looked over to Twilight, her silence tinged with impatience.

“O-oh, uhm, right,” Twilight said. “Thank you for driving us here, Applejack.”

Applejack nodded. “Sure thing. I’ll see y’all soon.”

As Applejack drove off, Celestia finally spoke up. “We will not be staying here tonight,” she said. Before Twilight could respond, she pushed through the hospital doors without a word, leaving Twilight to scurry in behind her.


“What do you mean, she isn’t here?” Celestia’s brow furrowed at the nurse. “Where have you taken her?”

Twilight stood behind the princess, nervously rocking back and forth. The nurse she’d spoken to before—Redheart, she remembered—was withering beneath Celestia’s glare, and Twilight couldn’t help but feel a little guilty.

Redheart squirmed for a moment, adjusting the tag affixed to her hospital scrubs. “As I said, Miss Celestia...”

Princess Celestia.”

The nurse blinked. “Yes, well you see, when any patient has, uhm, passed away...” Twilight noticed Celestia tense up at the phrase.

Redheart continued. “Hospital procedure requires that we move them to the mortuary while we await instructions from next of kin.” When Celestia said nothing, Redheart spoke up again. “If I may ask, how did you know Sunset Shimmer?”

After a pause, Celestia responded. “I was her teacher for many years.” The princess’ voice was tinged with an emotion Twilight could not name. “I am here to bring her home.”

The nurse shook her head. “I’m sorry, but any decisions about where she goes from here are to be left to her next of kin.”

“Sunset Shimmer has no next of kin,” Celestia said, her words stiffening.

“Really? It was my understanding that her sister visited her earlier,” the nurse said.

“Is that right?” Celestia said.

For a moment, Twilight was as confused as Celestia. Sunset never had a—

“...Oh.”

Twilight’s memories of her first visit to this hospital flooded back to her, and suddenly a rush of regretful dread left her shuddering. It only intensified as Celestia slowly pivoted, her gaze landing squarely on Twilight’s sheepish expression.

“Uhm, Princess Celestia?” Twilight’s voice was barely audible, even to herself. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Of course,” Celestia said. Without a word, she stepped away from the nurse, beckoning Twilight to follow.

Once they were alone, Celestia spoke up. “Why did you tell these people that Sunset was your sister?”

“I-I, uhh...” Twilight fumbled, her mind racing to find some excuse or explanation for her lie. As she looked up from the floor, she saw how Celestia was staring at her. There was genuine concern in her eyes. Before Twilight could continue her thought, Celestia spoke again.

“Were you two that close?” she asked.

“To be honest, not really. I guess we could have been, b-but she...” Her voice trailed off. A heavy sigh later, she continued. “When I first got here, there were, uhm, other people in the room with her. It had only been a short while since she...” Twilight took a deep breath. “Since she passed.”

“You just wanted to be alone with her,” Celestia said.

“Y-yeah,” Twilight said. “I wasn’t really thinking about anything else.”

“I understand, Twilight,” Celestia said. “Grief has a way of pushing aside our morals. I cannot say I am beyond this either. And while I do not condone lying, perhaps we may make use of this.”

Twilight wiped her eyes. “What do you mean?”

“They believe you are family with Sunset, correct?”

“Uhm...” Twilight blinked. “Yes, so far as I know. Why?”

“They will allow you to bring Sunset home,” Celestia said. “Home to Equestria, where she belongs.”

Twilight’s heart dropped instantly. “Princess Celestia, I... I can’t do that.”

“What?” Celestia’s expression snapped from confused to aggravated. “And why is that?”

“Because, well, when I-I talked to Sunset...” Twilight bit her lip, unsure how to phrase the hard truth she was being forced to say. “I don’t think she wanted to go back to Equestria.”

“And how do you know that?” Celestia asked.

Twilight could feel the pressure of anguish building inside her. “Sunset knew she was dying, a-and... She still didn’t want me to bring her back.”

“You spoke to her while she was—” Celestia paused, then shook her head. “Of course. Luna.”

“Y-yes, Princess Luna allowed me to connect with Sunset.” Twilight’s heartbeat pounded in her ears as anxiety crashed over her like a wave. “I-I’m sorry Princess Celestia, I know I should have told you sooner but it all happened so fast and—”

Celestia held up her hand, and Twilight immediately fell silent. “Let me be clear, Twilight. I am not upset with you for any of this. You were thrust into a horrible situation without warning, and I do not blame you for any of that. However...” The princess’ voice hardened. “You are telling me you will not bring Sunset back to her home—her real home. I want to know why.”

“I j-just told you!” Twilight stammered, frustration creeping into her voice. “She didn’t want to go back!”

Celestia stared through her as she spoke. “Why?”

“I-I... I don’t...”

Celestia crossed her arms. “I would like an answer, Twilight.”

“Because she was scared of you!” The words escaped Twilight without her meaning to, and with them went the last of her composure.

Celestia’s entire body stiffened, and her breaths grew shorter and sharper. Before she could even respond, Twilight kept shouting.

“She thought you’d never let her come back!” Yelling at Princess Celestia may have been a bad idea, but Twilight didn’t care. “She thought you hated her!”

For the first time in her life, Twilight saw Celestia at a loss for words. “I-I... I never thought...”

“You were all she had! And after she ran away, you never even bothered to look for her! You said the mirror was dangerous and left her here anyway! What kind of message does that send?” Twilight’s anger reached a fever pitch. “She hated herself s-so much, she thought you hated her so much—she probably thought you wanted her to die here!”

The second the words escaped Twilight’s lips, she immediately regretted them. Celestia, Princess Celestia, stood before her, trembling. Just as with Rainbow Dash, just as with Applejack, just as with Flash, Twilight had lost control. Immediately, desperately, she tried to undo the damage.

“I-I’m so sorry Princess, I—Sunset never told me anything like that, she n-never...” Twilight’s voice cracked as she was choked by sobs, and she shut her eyes as tight as she could. “I’m... I’m so angry, Princess. I’m s-so mad at everyone and everything a-and—and I know you really wanted the best for—”

“You are right. This is my fault.”

“W-wha—?” Twilight hiccuped, and her eyes opened. She had never seen anyone so despondent as Celestia looked in that moment.

“If Sunset was afraid return to Equestria, then it was not her home. She should not be made to rest there against her will.” The princess paused, sighing. “And the blame for that is entirely my own.”

“N-no, that’s not...” Twilight held Celestia’s hand, even as the princess looked away. “I’m sure you just wanted to give her time to—”

“No, Twilight,” Celestia said. “What I intended is irrelevant. My avoiding Sunset only planted the seeds that led to her taking her own life.” Celestia’s voice was shaking. “ I... I think I knew that from the moment you told me she was gone.”

Twilight had no idea what to say. The princess turned to her, tears in her eyes.

“Please do not feel bad for what you said, Twilight.” The faintest of smiles grazed Celestia’s lips. “To be honest, I am thankful for it. So often, those around me are too polite or too fearful to tell me the things I need to hear. I appreciate your courage in doing so.”

“It wasn’t courage... It was stupid. Stupid, impulsive irrational anger,” Twilight said, staring at the ground. “I’m so tired of being angry, Princess. I-I keep doing this—snapping and screaming at people in need of compassion... Saying horrible things, as if doing so will make the pain of losing Sunset go away.” She looked up at Celestia, tears sliding down her cheeks, and she suddenly felt like a whimpering child. “Will it ever go away...?”

“I do not know,” Celestia said. When Twilight sighed, she spoke again. “If we are to carry such a pain, though, I believe it is best that we carry it together.”

“Y-yeah,” Twilight said. Celestia wrapped an arm around her, and Twilight allowed herself to fall into the embrace.

After a few minutes of warm silence, Twilight glanced at the nurse’s station across the hall. “I, uhm... I still need to give them an answer about Sunset.”

“Yes.” Celestia nodded. “But not now. Such a decision should not be made while emotions are so high. And...” The princess trailed off, turning away from Twilight. “And truthfully, I have had enough grief for one day. I cannot handle any more.”

“... ... ...” Twilight looked at the somber, hunched woman before her. Celestia was right. There had been enough grief today.

“Princess Celestia?”

“Yes?”

“Could you, uhm... Could you tell me about Sunset?” Twilight asked. “How did you two meet?”

The princess turned, a smile of gratitude upon her face. “Of course, Twilight,” she said. “I would love to."