//------------------------------// // Chapter 69. Nice (Like, the synonym to kindness) // Story: Becoming Fluttershy // by Hope //------------------------------// “Thanks, Steph,” RJ sighed as we settled in. “We needed that.” “Well, Pinkie Pie isn’t here, so I figured…” Stephanie shrugged. “Someone had to bring the funny.” “It’s appreciated,” I admitted as I slowly let go of RJ and leaned against the back of my seat to relax. “I miss her though. I really hope she’s okay.” “Aw, you know Pinkie,” RJ said. “She’s always-” A soft beeping started, six quick beeps, then silence. “What the…” RJ said, looking around. It wasn’t from the agents, and I didn’t have my phone either. Another six beeps, this time RJ homed in on her own bag and her cheeks pinkened. “Oh! That’s me,” she said. “Probably my friend, Max. Yeesh, I haven’t called him since Stephanie first picked me up...” She opened her bag and pulled out a simple flip phone before frowning at the small screen on the back. For a moment I thought she wouldn’t answer before she set her jaw and flipped it open. “Hello?” All I could hear was a vague squeaky tone on the phone, not enough to make out the words, but RJ blinked in surprise before grinning. “Pinkie Pie?!” Throughout another very long rant from the other end of the line, RJ looked more and more happy, until she sat up a little straighter and shouted at full volume. “Rainbow Dash?!” “I don’t care what I call either of ya, it’s darned good to hear from you two. Here, I’m puttin’ you on speaker,” RJ said as she blinked away happy tears and fumbled with the buttons until it came alive with Pinkie’s bubbly happy voice. “Hey guys! Hello hello hello!” “Heya!” Dash added. “Greetings, oh Pink and Rainbowed ones!” Raritony cheered. “Hey Rainbow! Hey Pinkie!” May squealed. “Hi Rainbow,” I echoed before my stomach turned in that weird, half uncomfortable half thrilling confusing way, and I almost whispered, “Hi Pinkie.” Silence. After a moment, Rainbow snickered a little. “Uh, girls?” RJ asked warily. “Erishy’s with you! That’s great!” Pinkie said, but instead of sounding like her normal joyful self, she sounded… strained, nervous. Was she as confused and nervous as me? “Yeah, it is,” RJ nodded before looking to me. My cheeks burned. I didn’t know how to handle any of this. “Well yeah because she’s-” Pinkie coughed. Awkwardly. Raritony and RJ shared a look. “Actually, you know what? I’m glad all of you are a-okay! But I may just be the teensiest tiniest bit more glad because Erishy’s okay. Because... reasons. Wanna talk to Dashie?” Why would she be more glad I was ok? I mean, I understood, I knew on some level why, for the same reason why I wasn’t as excited about my childhood best friend Rainbow Dash being ok as I should have been, but why would someone be as concerned about me as I am about them? “Oh no, you got this one, Pinkster. Totally,” Dash said. “I can wait.” Then, as though someone had whispered in their ears, Raritony, RJ, and May all looked at me, as my blush darkened, and then back at the phone. “Uh, Pinkie? Would you like to talk to Erishy? Alone?” RJ asked with sudden calm. They all knew, I realized, and even though I was so nervous I was trying to hide behind my hooves, I couldn’t stop grinning. It was Pinkie! I could talk to Pinkie! I just hoped that she knew what to do with these feelings, because I didn’t. “But- but- but you just put me on speaker phone!” Pinkie said. “I mean, I’m here with Dashie and other ponies, and-” “And we’re glad to hear that, and we will definitely address it, but it sounds like you and Erishy need to talk,” RJ said. “So we’ll let you do just that.” She turned the speakerphone off and hoofed the phone to me with a silent smile. I nodded to her as I accepted it, and then turned towards the window, huddled around the phone like a lifeline. “Hi Pinkie,” I said softly, smiling. “How… How are you?” “I’m…” Pinkie hesitated over the phone, the switch from an audience on speakerphone to a direct conversation dramatically changing her tone. “I was going to say fine but that would probably be a lie, except I’m not like, not fine, I’m in that state where I acknowledge my worries are irrational but they’re not going away if that makes any sense, and it’s not like I’m in danger anymore so.... yeah?” “I think we’re having the same sort of day,” I sighed, leaning my head against the glass of the window and sighing, but my smile didn’t fade. “I… I spent fifteen whole minutes chasing down Rae Jay and the others, freaking out because I thought they were leaving me behind… Like, talk about irrational fears. None of you would ever leave me behind, and… I… I know that.” “Your head knows, but your heart doubts, huh? Yeah... I can get that. I mean...” Pinkie giggled. “Remember that time you told me you and Rainbow were house-sitting for a bear, and I... kind of lost it?” “You thought we were gonna have a goldilocks scenario play out, I still remember ‘don’t sleep in the medium bed, Shy! Pick the softest ones, smaller bears are nicer!’” I giggled softly, grinning. Reminiscing with Pinkie. How badly I'd missed this, how deeply it helped me feel a little bit more normal. My giggle trailer off, and the quiet persisted a beat before she spoke. “I... hope you’re not having exactly the kind of day I’m having. Cause that would mean you spent a bit being held prisoner by crazy racist terrorists. You... didn’t, did you?” I felt my grin slowly fade, and I nervously cleared my throat. “Um… Very very similar day,” I admitted with a weak laugh. “Oh.” Pinkie sighed. “Wow. Yeah, that’s... wow.” “I… I broke someone’s arm with the element of Kindness, and somehow, somehow I didn’t immediately die from irony,” I muttered, remembering vividly the sharp snap and trying to remember if it had been the man's arm or ribs. I couldn't remember. “Cruel to be kind, I guess...” The tone of Pinkie’s voice made it clear that it was meant as a joke, and that Pinkie realized halfway through it wasn’t funny, backpedaling with a stammer. “Sorry. I...” But I was already chuckling. The bit of dark humor, and the reference to our past talk about Nightmare Whisper, it put into perspective how much worse things could be. “Cruel enough to break a jerk’s arm. I mean… He was genuinely really a bad person, and I’m starting to believe that enough not to be upset with myself now. I… I’m kinda proud of giving him a butterfly shaped scar on his cheek. I… I made it back to my friends, and I’m proud of that.” “...I...” Pinkie swallowed. “Shy... I think... we’re both rattled, and it’s probably wrong of me to want you to reassure me right now.” “Let me,” I whispered, insistent, desperately. “Let… I haven’t done anything kind for days, can… Can I comfort you? Is that somethi--” “Shy... I... killed somebody.” The phone line was silent both ways, as I tried to process that simple statement. I’d seen people die. I’d attacked someone, but the first and foremost thought in my mind was that Pinkie must have been taken to her absolute breaking point to kill someone. “And you’re still able to talk to me, and I’m sure you’ll tell me some day why it happened--” “It’s not... No, it’s... The thing is, sure, it was the middle of fighting for my life, and sure it’s supposed to hit me later, but... I don’t think it has. I don’t think it will. I killed somebody and...” Pinkie sighed. “It’s not... I feel bad about it, but I don’t feel horrified. If that makes sense. ‘Oh no, I killed somebody, and that’s wrong,’ but not ‘oh god oh god I have blood on my hooves.’ And... I’m not sure--” And I realized what I was hearing. Erica was a writer and a DM for Dungeons and Dragons, and I was hearing a moral crisis from lack of characterization. Pinkie didn't know the person who died. Not enough to matter. Pinkie couldn't feel the person behind the face, so there was nothing to mourn. But how to convey that to her? “Was he an NPC?” I asked flatly. “That...” Pinkie managed a weak chuckle. “Sure. Yeah, let’s go with that. I just... what if that’s how I’m like? What if, I just...” “What if Fluttershy breaks someone’s arm and scorches a red hot element of kindness into their cheek because they chained her to a spare tire?” I asked, a bit dismissively but I couldn’t hide the bitterness in my voice. “...Oh.” “Sorry,” I whispered. “No, you’re... it’s okay.” Pinkie was quiet for a moment, before she chuckled grimly. “We’re both traumatized, aren’t we.” “We’re ponies in a fu… da… a darned shootem up game,” I chuckled. “And… And despite watching people get shot today, I’m more worried about cursing. Isn’t that messed up?” “I... yes and no? Like, you want to return to normal, which is no cursing... or something.” “Fuck,” I whispered, before snickering. “Well I would but you’re not here.” Pinkie inhaled sharply. “I mean--uh--” I barked out a sharp laugh before covering my mouth and apologizing to the rest of the car, phone down from my ear for a moment before putting it back. “I think that’s your equivalent of swearing, isn’t it? Dirty brain syndrome?” I asked with a smirk. “...yeah. Yeah, both of me repressed that part of ourselves...” Pinkie sighed. “Also, should mention, in order to escape, I uh... merged.” “Yeah?” I asked, suddenly curious. “So uh… What’s it like being… Half Reid half Pinkie?” “Pinkimena Reid Diane Xansta Priddy Pie. Priddy Pinkie. Some people have many trains of thought, and now I have an entire subway. Eat fresh.” I giggled before sighing. “So many names, I shortened mine a bit. I couldn’t… Too much me for me I guess. You’re like a balloon, expanding to take on more you all the time! Appropriate I guess.” “And stretching myself thin in the process.” My smile faded. “It’s… tough, isn’t it? Just… existing? Balancing it?” “Well, kinda, sorta--wait am I deflecting because I don’t want to worry you or because I haven’t thought about it?” Pinkie hummed thoughtfully. “Or some other reason... I don’t know. See, this is what I meant, I used to be able to track my trains but with the station the riders can switch tracks and sometimes they do it without paying tickets and the tracks are on the inside of a balloon and I’m mixing my metaphors and I think I’m rambling so I can’t actually stop myself from talking--” “And rambling is fine,” I interrupted. “It’s ok. I could… Honestly? I could listen to you talk for hours. But I… I want to help, somehow, and the only way I can think of to help is to ask you what would help you. I… I know Erica would press an issue. Ask probing questions, dig in. But… I’m ok with listening, with you telling me what would help.” For a moment, the phone is silent. “You know... I don’t know what would help, but I could really go for something to eat. Maybe... we could meet up somewhere. At a restaurant. I know Linda’s probably stressed--” “We’re on the way to the hospital to… To see Twilight,” I sighed. “We just aren’t catching breaks, are we?” “Nah. I mean, Linda had to go to the press conference alone... on account of me and Julien being kidnapped.” There was a pause. “Um. And... about Julien, actually, he... he’s... still technically alive, it’s just...” “Is he hurt?” I asked, unsure why I was so nervous, since Julien couldn't possibly be out of the race. He had to be ok. “Badly. Like... he hasn’t woken up for two days.” Pinkie sighed. “They knew he was a soldier in the show, they didn’t want him... yeah. He’s a mess.” I sat back against the seat and laid my head back on the headrest, taking a deep breath. My best friend. My roommate and the guy that’d been by my side for the whole start of this journey. He was in a coma. “Thanks for doing what you could with him,” I said quietly. “Like, I’m glad he’s not dead. I hope he’ll wake up soon, I… How’s Applebloom? I mean Ian or… How is everyone?” “Right, the plane. Um... well, the government people figured out you got kidnapped right before getting on the plane so they put eyes on Ian the moment the plane landed and... I haven’t quite figured out where he is beyond ‘he’s safe and nowhere he can be hurt’ which is kind of annoying. And worrying.” “Good. Annoying, but good,” I sighed. “Oh, did you tell Rae Jay her little sister is my younger brother?” “Not yet,” I smirked. “I think she… here, let me do it properly. ‘May jus’ have a dern apoplectic fit’ over being directly related to ya,” sI giggled. “Hey now, don’t lay the accent on too thick, what’re you two talkin’ bout?” RJ asked from the other side of the SUV. “Nothing! Tell you later,” I said through giggles. “When we meet up,” Pinkie said firmly. “I have to see the great Applejack’s stoicness fall to bits personally.” She paused for a moment. “So... I guess we’ll meet up at the hospital Twilight’s at, right?” I sighed. “Yeah… That’s where we’ll meet up. I...“ I stopped, not sure how to ask the question in the back of my mind. “So... it’ll be... good to meet up. Compare notes. Check elements...” “Did Pinkie love Fluttershy?” I whispered, tears at the edges of my eyes as I finally found the thing I was hung up on. “Memories are fuzzy, I tell myself, friends are friends and Pinkie was always so gentle with me but I don’t know what things actua--” “Hey! Hey... hey. I...” Pinkie hummed quietly. “I... think back in Equestria, I... there was this image of love I had. In my head. And it was childish. But... looking back... I think I might have started to like you as more than a friend and didn’t... know it. You know? I don’t know. I’m confusing myself. But there was... something.” “Thank you,” I said softly, head leaning once again on the cool glass. “For… For helping me believe that… That it wasn’t all in my head.” “To quote a famous wizard: ‘Of course it was all in your head. But why shouldn’t that mean it wasn’t real?’” I brought the phone away from my ear to stare at it, grinning. I then put it back. “Hey now, quoting Harry Potter at me is cheating. That’s like, nerd cred level 1, you’re level 90 and we know it,” I said playfully “I multiclass. Nerd, geek, party animal...” “Pink bard,” I added. “Had to make your own class because there’s no way you’re not a bard, but also Pink?” “Bard of the Pink. Yeah... should I mention that I’m kiiiind of only half familiar with D&D?” “Oh, I will have to help you become acquainted,” I said eagerly. “I’ve been playing D&D for years, and--” “Am I really hearing Fluttershy brag about her nerd cred to Pinkie Pie?” May Belle asked from next to me, grinning. “It’s more than just nerd cred, D&D is a passion,” I said, doing my best to sound like Rarity. Luckily the white unicorn herself seemed to approve, chuckling to herself and giving me an amused smile. “Something something passion is lust, and I’m ignoring my brain now.” I could feel my cheeks go hot, and everypony who was looking at me raised their eyebrows, clearly curious. “Sorry, ahem,” I hid my face behind my mane again, lowering my voice. “Pinkie, you need an outlet, and I have no idea what outlet it is, but either own your dirtiness so it isn’t embarrassing, or find a way to discharge it in… Non… Dangerous directions? Now I sound dirty,” I said as I stuck out my tongue. “Maybe I like thhhhhesaurusus! Yep, definitely like you’re not buying this are you.” Pinkie groaned. “Yeah, that’s good advice. Sorry.” “I… I don’t know how to be dirty on purpose,” I admitted after a moment of thought. “So even though I find this whole potential…” I looked around and whispered even quieter. “This whole potential romance exciting and confusing and overwhelming, actually doing it on purpose sounds like becoming an alicorn. Over my head, you know?” There was a moment of quiet. “The phone didn’t pick up that last bit.” I whimpered before speaking slightly louder, directly into the phone. “Romance, I don’t… I don’t know if that’s what this is? Or… or what? But I’m not good at it I don’t think and I don’t know how,” I said before putting it back to my ear. “I’m not good at it either. I mean I have no idea what to do. Like, seriously, neither Pinkie or Reid dated at all, and... yeah. Maybe... maybe we can be stupid at romance together though?” “I think that would be nice,” I said, nodding a little, smiling. “Especially if… If our stupid at romance includes D&D and lots of me hiding behind my mane.” “Hiding behind your mane... would that be a stealth check or a seduction check?” I giggled, cheeks once again pink. “Why not both? Both is good.” “Yeah, both is good. And... Rainbow is doing the thing where she’s pretending not to be impatient--” “I AM NOT!” shouted another voice in the background. “Well, I’m very glad she’s doing well enough to be impatient,” I giggled. “But thank you Pinkie. This… Thank you.” “And... thank you for not... just brushing off Pinkie being Pinkie.” “There’s always a reason that Pinkie is Pinkie,” I said, smiling fondly. “Like… Do you remember when you kept asking me if it was a good day for a picnic? Like… Ten times one day? You just… You hadn’t done a picnic in the forest before. You wanted to know. You just didn’t have the right words for the question.” “Yeah, I remember that! That was--” “I’M NOT IMPATIENT!” “...weeeee should probably switch back to speakerphone.” I laughed before gesturing to the others that I was turning the phone back on speakerphone, and pressed the button. “Hellooooo darlings,” Raritony said with a chuckle. Comfortably, I fall back into the background as my friends reassure each other and plan, finding a certain type of joy in the comfort of each other's voices as I sit in the background, smiling, wondering what it would be like to be loved.