The Blue Parasprite:
Church trotted over to the bar, sitting at one of the stools as Big Mac stopped to give a short hello to one of the other bar patrons.
The barkeep as he walked over, casually sliding a mug of beer to one of the other customers as he did so.
“What’ll it be?”
“Beer.” Church immediately exclaimed, barely able to contain his uncharacteristic enthusiasm.
“Any in particular?” The stallion reached under the bar-top, producing a large mug.
“Just any.” Church glanced over his shoulder briefly as Big Mac joined them. “So long as it’s beer.”
“Sure thing.” The keeper placed the mug under an old-fashioned beer tap, and filled it to the brim. “That’ll be three bits.”
“Yeah su-” Church faltered as he reached for the drink. “Wait, what the hell is a bit?”
“Put it on mah tab.” Big Mac cut in, saving an unwitting Church from what would have been a very unforgiving argument over why currency was referred to as ‘bits’.
“What… Oh.” Church arched an eyebrow at Big Mac, who merely shrugged. The amount of generosity these ponies had was insane.
“Uh… Thanks.” It was against his better judgement to accept the gift. It was another thing he owed these ponies, and Church didn’t like owing anyone.
Satisfied that he would be getting paid, the barcolt placed the mug in front of Church, who immediately chugged half of the glass.
“Oh my god.” Church gasped as the liquid seared his throat, plonking the mug back down on the bench. “That is awesome.”
Big Mac grunted in response, sitting down next to him and motioning for a beer.
Church picked up the mug again, pouring the remaining contents straight down his throat, before once again returning it to the bench and gesturing at the barcolt for another.
“Buzz restored.” He spoke cheerily. “Now let’s get this show on the road.”
“Eeyup.” Big Mac nodded as they were both provided with beer. Then , too Church’s surprise, he drained his entire mug.
“Lead by example, eh?” Church tossed back his own mug, before grinning. “I like it. Hey! Two more over here!”
***
“So…” Big Mac gave a little hiccup. “Wha’s on yer mind?”
Church looked down at mug number four. His ‘buzz’ had died pretty quickly, replaced by a melancholy glumness. The two had been content too drink in silence – although the red stallion had been moving at a far faster pace. He was already on mug five.
Big Mac didn’t change much when he was drunk – which he clearly was. Five mugs of beer tended to cause that – even if this beer was a little low in the alcohol content. Was that a thing here? Did everything only have 75% of the alcohol it should have?
“Well?” Big Mac pressed. On that note; He was a little different when he was drunk – slightly more talkative. Slightly.
“Ugh.” Church rolled his shoulders. “It’s just… this… this whole… thing…” He weakly tried to dodge the question, knowing full well that it wouldn’t work.
“Eeyup.” The red stallion drawled, somehow managing to fasten a point onto the word.
“I… uhh…” Church stopped to take another swig. Beer = Awesome. “I… well… I shouldn’t exactly… be here.”
“Really?” Mac’s voice didn’t change, but his body language showed interest.
“You know.” Church poked himself in the chest. “I shouldn’t be… a pony. A horse. Whatever.” He sighed. “And I shouldn’ be here… in… Ponyville.” He cringed mentally ever so slightly at the corny name.
“How so?” Big Mac took another drink. He really needed to slow down.
“I’d… rather…” Church looked around the booth that they had shifted to. “I don’t really want to, you know… talk about it.”
“Won’t git better wi’out talkin’ ‘bout it.” Mac took yet another drink, emptying out the glass.
“It’s not really som’ing that you can just talk ‘bout.” Church’s slurred speech had nothing on the red stallion’s. “Wha’bout you? You seem like you’re tryin’ to forget som’ing.”
“Jus’ mah parents.”
“Your parents?”
“Yeah.” Big Mac accepted another mug of beer from the barcolt, who was carrying a sympathetic frown on his face. “Nex’ week’s the ann’versary of when… Uhh…”
“Oh.” Church looked away, realising through his haze that he was treading on shaky ground. “How…?”
“Li’le Applebloom was only a couple month’s ol’.” Mac’s voice was strained. Church was sure that he would never have been this quick to talk about it if he hadn’t chugged five beers already. “An’ mah mom… she wa’so tired. Never really recovered from the birth.”
“Right…” Church frowned sympathetically, suddenly sliding his own beer over to Macintosh as the stallion downed the sixth mug. He was the one paying, after all “Here.”
Big Mac nodded. “So… one morn’, she jus’ di’n wake up. Dad could’n take I’. Had a hear’ attack two days later.”
“Uhh…” Church coughed as the farm pony tossed back the seventh mug. “I’m… sorry?”
“All ‘n th’ pas’.” Big Mac replied solemnly, his attempt to blow it off in no way convincing Church. The stallion’s eyes were red. He looked like he was about to cry.
‘Hell. Give him a few beers and you get his life story.’ The cyan unicorn looked down at his hooves. ‘And I’m just a glum drunk.’
It didn’t take Church long to realise that Big Mac had fallen asleep, slumping over the small pile of mugs in front of him. Work hard, rest hard.
He sighed, waving away the bartender as he approached with another drink. “No. Drunk enough I’m ‘tis.” He allowed the garbled phrase to flop out of his unresponsive mouth, more to illustrate the point than anything else.
Nevertheless, the barcolt still left the mug in front of him. “It’s already poured, just make it your last.”
How responsible of him.
And so Church sat there, staring at the red stallion that had paid for his booze and then almost cried to him over his lost parents. It was slightly comforting to know that this creepy place wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows.
He slowly reached out for the last mug. His vision was taking the final steps into seeing double, so making this his last was probably a good idea.
Rather than chug it, Church simply sipped at the mug, gazing at his own yellow reflection in the surface.
This had not been what he’d hoped for. He’d hoped to forget his problems, and look for some happiness in the bottom of each mug. Everything always looks better in your head.
Instead, he’d gotten buzzed, gotten drunk, gotten depressed, and then half assed a job of consoling the red mountain that was snoring across from him.
“Yall look mighty sad.”
Church gave a little start with surprise, his reaction time suffering considerably from the alcohol in his system.
He turned his attention to Applejack, who he could swear had materialised out of nothing.
With her was Twilight, who looked less than impressed, and for some reason, the other unicorn, Rarity.
He hesitated, before looking back down at the beer. “Yeah? So what?”
“Just wondering why.”
“I don’t need to tell everyone my life story.” Church took another sip of beer. “Everyone has things they want to forget.”
“Sure they do-” Applejack was cut off by a rather irritated Twilight.
“What are you doing here?” She snapped. Why, Church didn’t really know. He hadn’t actually done anything wrong.
“Weren’t you listening?” Church chuckled grimly. “Just trying to forget.”
“Forget what?”
“That’s my business.” Church replied curtly. “The no questions rule is still in place.”
“I don’t follow your rules. I follow the princesses’ rules, like everypony else.” Twilight bristled.
“Please, Sparkle.” Church frown deepened. “I’ve gone through a lot worse than some pissed off… Mare. I could seriously give a fuck about your damn rules.”
Twilight looked like she was ready to slap him, before she suddenly de-escalated, taking a step back and looking down.
“Sorry. I’m sure you’ve been through… something…”
Disarmed and surprised by the sudden change, Church simply looked at her in confusion.
‘Why are all these ponies so fucking nice?!’
“I say, darling.” Rarity looked at the assorted pile of mugs. “You’ve really had quite a lot.”
“And it still isn’t enough.” Church grumbled. “I think Big Mac got what he wanted, though.”
“Come on.” Applejack walked over to her brother and started to shake him awake. “Time to head home.”
***
“Ugh.” Church grunted as he stumbled through the door. “Big Mac is freaking heavy.”
“Eeeeeeeeeeyyyyyuuuuuuup.” The pony in question drawled out slowly.
It took both Church and Applejack to support the large stallion, who was far to intoxicated to stand up on his own four legs.
Through his own drunken haze, Church could still question how an animal with four legs would be unable to walk. There was no need for balance.
“What time is it?” Church grunted as they slowly made their way up the darkened street.
“Nearly midnight.” Twilight responded, her voice containing none of the harsh snap from earlier. By this point, Church was too drunk and too confused to really care.
“Late, huh?” Church grit his teeth as they continued walking. “Time flies when you’re having fun.”
The five lapsed into silence as the slowly plodded through the darkened streets, before Church suddenly broke the silence.
“Man…” He slurred. “This place is pretty dark. No lights. Is it ever dangerous?”
“Not really.” Rarity answered. “Ponyville is a wonderfully docile place – save for Pinkie Pie, of course.”
Church still had no clue why Rarity was there. In fact, he couldn’t think of a single reason why she had come along.
“Why-” He began, before he was cut off by a large stallion stepping out in front of them, a strange horse shoe with an attached knife pointing at them.
Clearly, he thought that with the biggest pony present in a drunken stupor, he could pull something.
“Your bits.” He spat the words out. “Hand ‘em o-”
“Yeah.” Church didn’t wait for the mugger to finish. “No fuckin’ way.”
He stepped forwards, allowing Big Mac to drop to the ground, and raised one hoof.
The mugger raised an eyebrow. Ponies weren’t familiar with the concept of ‘punching’.
“Hey, get back.” He barked. “Back, or I’ll cut you!”
“Shu’ the fuck up.” Church brought the hoof back, and then slammed it into the colt’s face, dropping him to the ground.
“Yeah!” Church slurred, dropping his hoof just in time to stumble two steps to the left. “Don’ mess wi’ a soldier, bitch!”
He turned back to the three startled mares and one drunken stallion. The two unicorn’s horns had lit up, even though it was no longer necessary.
“Hah!” He laughed, mostly at the surprised look on their faces. “Docile my ass!”