Several long seconds pass. Doug sits there glowering as Celestia approaches, Luna following close behind. The alicorns tower above the pathetically small human who seems to almost disappear in a ball of bent limbs.
Luna ventures again, “What dost thou wish to talk about?”
Doug motions with an arm towards the party, nearly doubling his effective size. “This.” His gaze turns to Luna, then Celestia. “Us.” His breath spurts out in a poorly concealed huff, his eyes narrowing. “How we got here.”
“So we have narrowed it down to everything under the stars: past, present, and future.” Luna nods sagely. The tiniest corner of her mouth curls to a smirk, the rest of her visage carefully controlled and impenetrable.
Off to the side, only barely noticed by Celestia, Jay Squeak and Carrot Top laugh as they stumble to the outskirts of the party. They lay on the ground, Jay’s ears flicking towards the two alicorns but otherwise pretending not to be listening in on their conversation. Her eyes flash green as she deeply inhales of the slightly inebriated mare next to her, the orange maned earth pony’s movements gradually becoming slower until she rests on the ground, softly snoring.
“I never wanted this,” Doug says as he grits his teeth, careful not to look directly at the alicorns. A part of him wants to grin at Luna’s jest, or smack that smirk off her mouth, or smack himself for not being specific. Or, putting those together, put her mouth to a much better use, and give her a few smacks at the same time. “Well, that’s not entirely true. Parts of me have wanted parts of this. But I was perfectly happy in my own little paradise. A nice niche carved out, where I didn’t have to worry about what I said or did or was.”
“And you are afraid this will ruin that,” Celestia says as she drops to her barrel next to the sitting human. When neither has legs on the ground, their heads still come to about the same spot, allowing her to nuzzle him just behind the ear.
“Of course it will!” Doug cries out, ignoring the nuzzle. He flings an arm towards the horizon, as if to scatter the stars arranged above the trees. “Whether we’re talking about Twilight becoming an alicorn and Princess, or whatever ends up happening between us? Becoming the Elements of Harmony was bad enough. Okay, fine, that hasn’t turned out nearly as bad as I thought it would. Mostly since their main achievement has been defeating Nightmare Moon and helping with the aftereffects of that.” His eyes turn to Luna. “No offense.”
“Think nothing of it,” Luna states, her eyes never leaving Doug’s face as she joins on his other side. “We are glad to be reunited with our Sister again.” She nuzzles his other ear, then her Sister.
Doug folds his arms across his chest, resigning himself to being the alicorns’ cuddle buddy. “In fact, it almost makes it worse, that they haven’t received any reward or recognition for that. I mean, sure, there was a party, but it seemed geared more towards celebrating Luna’s return as opposed to the defeat of Nightmare Moon.”
“Thou does not consider the two of us sufficient reward?” Luna says, her mock offense spoiled by her tongue flicking out to lick her lips.
Doug smirks, though unhappily. “Maybe if I thought that I was the one who did something worthy of a reward.”
Celestia nuzzles him again, this time drawing out a slightly contented sigh and small smile. Though perhaps he is just ticklish, and she should file the spot away for later. “You see your contributions as nothing? The act of being a solid rock to return to, or a comforter when things go wrong? I have seen many ponies struggle through and fare far worse on the other side of demanding problems because they lacked a sufficient support structure, of ponies willing to merely be there for them as a confidant and counselor.” She can’t help but flick her eyes at Luna, tears forming in the corners.
Doug’s hands ball into fists as he glances towards Twilight. “Or I’m just angry at this whole situation and I don’t know who or what to blame. But things are changing, and I don’t like it. Maybe that’s it. But, I look at Twilight and I ask, ‘why did she ascend?’ What did she do that was so above and beyond the call of duty that merited such a reward?”
“Perhaps that is my fault,” Celestia admits quietly. “I had thought she would have proven herself more before this had occurred.” Her eyes briefly flick again to Luna, then return to the stars.
The glances do not go unnoticed. “Do not blame me, dear Sister.” Luna nudges Doug with the side of her head.
“Oh, so now it’s my fault.” Doug laughs once, derisively. “I wasn’t the one who left a book containing, apparently, the spell to alicornhood laying around.”
Luna snorts. “T’was not laying around, it was secured in my chambers!”
“Then we are agreed,” Celestia wryly suggests, nodding resolutely. “All blame can be laid at Doug’s feet should anything happen.” She reaches a wing forward, testing to see if he is as ticklish there as the neck.
“As long as I get the credit,” Doug remarks with a half smile, his feet - calloused from years of walking barefoot among the apple groves - impervious to Celestia’s torments.
“Oh, no.” Luna shakes her head. “That will be entirely reserved for Magic and her fellow Elements.” She sighs as Doug rolls his eyes. “But on a more serious note, we admit it is early for her. Yet, we remain confident that she and her Friends will meet any challenge that she faces.”
“I guess we can’t expect any more from her than I’m willing to give myself.” Doug sighs, yet another unhappy glance back at the party. “And if that means that I have to put on a brave face and smile at all the little ponies, and deal with their questions and comments." Doug returns to staring at the stars. He grins a little. “Forget about me. With Twilight being a princess? Ponies are going to be mobbing her in the streets, assuming you even let her go outside.” He huffs once, shaking his head.
“Would you prefer if she was unable to catch a cab in Manehatten?” Celestia asks with a wry smile.
“I didn’t think anypony could catch a cab there,” Doug quips back, though he can’t help but smile at the thought of a cabbie ignoring a Princess in favor of anypony else. Maybe Manehattenites really are that selfish, thinking only of themselves, may he never need to find out. Although, if they ignored him being a human? Nah, they’d probably be even more likely to call him out on it.
“Actually,” Doug continues, his hand stroking his chin. “I know you said you were going to have Twilight come to Canterlot for this coronation ceremony or whatever. I assume you’ll want me there.”
Celestia nods.
Doug glances to the side, able to see Celestia’s wide eye despite the fact that she is looking nearly as straight forwards as he is. “Will you expect her to stay in Canterlot with you? I have the feeling you’re grooming her to be the next ruler of Equestria or something. And what better place to have her than at your side?”
“I suppose that is a conundrum,” Celestia admits. “Much like the one we face should Luna and myself join your herd.”
“Would thou wish to make the commute?” Luna asks, gazing now to the west and Sweet Apple Acres. “Or would thou wish Magic to travel? Or ourselves?”
“Hey, give me an amulet that lets me teleport around, and I’ll consider it.” Doug smiles at first, though he can’t keep it for long. “I feel like I’m being stretched far too thin. Nine mares?”
“Ten, if thou counts… um…” Luna stalls, searching for the name.
“Starlight Glimmer,” Celestia supplies.
"Starlight Glimmer,” Luna prods.
“You know, back when I got here, I thought three was too many.” Doug shakes his head. “I like my job too much to want to give that up, and that doesn’t leave me much time to spend with each of you.” He smirks. “I guess it would be scandalous if word leaked out that I, Prince Consort of the Princesses, didn’t care about the daily goings-on of those very important mares.”
Celestia gasps, a hoof coming up to cover her mouth as she stares at Doug with wide eyes. “No! You mean, you did not hear of the time last week when a piece of cake happened to fall from its tray, and I caught it just before it hit the ground, but everypony claimed that it had rested on the floor greater than the five seconds legally authorized?”
Doug can’t help but chuckle, shaking his head. “You know, I don’t know how you can keep such a chipper attitude about these things. Aren’t you worried about them, I don’t know, thinking less of you?”
“It has become easier with every passing scandal. Yet, that does not keep the papers from running stories of my cake addictions or human obsessions or trolling ways. They cherish those little games when they can. But, from a larger perspective? My little ponies fear me too much to attempt to replace me, or they fear what would come after me should I be replaced. Nonetheless, they find their little games a mere pastime that does little to spoil my image.” Celestia shrugs.
“Well, maybe once I get enough scandals under my belt I’ll be as blasé about it as you.” Doug leans back against the wood of the library, stretching his legs out. He finally relaxes, arms reaching to the sides.
Celestia and Luna rotate; instead of laying in a pony loaf, they now rest on their sides with their hind hooves next to Doug’s feet. Their heads settle against his chest, manes and tails still flowing but against the ground.
“So, thou has finished considering it?” Luna asks, that mischievous smirk appearing on her muzzle again. “Thou no longer objects to us joining?” Her head dips a little lower, now on his stomach, breath tickling. “Thou thinks thou art enough for us?”
“I don’t know,” Doug says with a twinkle in his eye and flexing his biceps, “I can only do about four reps with Applejack.”
“How many reps do you think you can do with me?” Celestia asks, her voice purring.
“Mm… two?” Doug offers, smirking. “You’re about twice her size, right?”
“You flatter me,” Celestia agrees, cuddling against him. “That should be sufficient.”
Oh, it’s tempting for Doug to just push Luna’s head further down, and he can feel himself getting excited. “If that’s what the mares decide.”
Luna’s head turns to look up at Doug, enjoying his disappointed groan. “But we are asking what you would like, Doug. Not to qualify your answer, or hedge on your herdmates’ decisions.”
Doug smiles, almost glad and relieved that an answer is being demanded of him. Maybe he really does need to be more assertive, like Starlight said. “I would like it if you joined. Very much so.” His hand leaves Luna’s mane to caress, then firmly hold her head. They gaze into each other’s eyes for a long second. “Plus, I could put that mouth of yours to better use.”
Luna’s eyes widen, and Celestia gives a light gasp.
“Thou… We did not know you thought of us that strongly,” Luna says. She tries to lower her eyes, but Doug holds her in place.
“Okay, what am I missing now?” Doug demands, looking between an oddly passive Luna and her quickly recovering Sister.
“It is a… rarity, forgive the expression, for a mare to service a stallion so.” Luna’s eyes look to the ground and the mud that remains. “It is a subservient position, that denies a mare’s worth, given how much more pleasurable the other act is. But, in context with your previous statement, about doing two ‘reps’ with us? It is a strong declaration of commitment; more so than herding, but perhaps less so than a formal marriage.”
At Doug’s blank look Celestia explains, “You would be, by filling our wombs and our bellies with your seed, promising commitment.”
“You ponies have the craziest sayings,” Doug says with a shake of his head.
“It is an olden practice, one that has not kept up with the times.” Celestia leans down to nuzzle Luna. “That, and most stallions care not to perform twice in quick succession. But it is a promise, from a stallion to a mare - and not the other way around - that they will be looked after and cared for in every possible way. It is not a light decision to make.”
“Huh,” Doug says, relaxing yet again. The two mares next to him relax, gazing up at the stars.