//------------------------------//
// Nope 04: Nope and the Evil Mirror Self 
// Story: A Pony Named Nope 
// by Nyerguds 
//------------------------------//

Nope and Sunshine were walking home after school when it happened. Nope felt the magical disturbance behind her and groaned softly. In a well-practiced movement she pushed Sunshine out of the way and started up her portal stabilizing spell.

"Portal," she mumbled.

"Again?" Sunshine asked. "That's the fourth this week."

"I wish," Nope said. "It's just the fourth you— Woah!" She grabbed a nearby lantern post as the portal opened. It was far bigger than she had anticipated, and it was pulling her in with unexpected force.

"The portal sucks?!" Sunshine yelled in surprise as she braced herself against the pull.

"They all do!" Nope managed to yell back before she disappeared into it.

The portal disappeared with a soft "blip", leaving Sunshine alone on the sidewalk.

She got up and dusted off her coat. "There goes our Friday afternoon ice cream meet," she said, shaking her head softly.





Nope willed her eyes open as she rushed through the chaotic maelstrom and looked at the swirling blue patterns. Just great. As the sucking had already made her suspect, it was most definitely a one-way portal. There was no point in trying to stabilize these; she couldn't go back through anyway. "Well," she said to a passing purple-headed monster with a top hat, "no point in fighting it, I guess."

"Much appreciated," the monster said. "I'd be late for work if you did." He tipped his hat with a green tentacle ending in a crab claw, and disappeared into the swirling walls.

"At least this one has polite void monsters," Nope mused, before the portal forcefully ejected her at her destination.





"It really is her!" an excited female voice said.

Nope suppressed a sigh and looked around. She appeared to be in some kind of cave, though it looked well lived in. Cots were set in neat rows in the middle, and crates and racks full of weapons lined the walls. She finally looked at the ponies in the room, who were all looking at her with a mix of hope, dread and confusion. Strangely, they all looked a bit like her classmates, only quite a bit older.

"Could you please send me back?" she asked. "I have school tomorrow." That was a blatant lie, of course, but she figured it sounded more urgent and serious than "I'm missing Friday afternoon ice cream."

"She's kind of small, isn't she?" a green unicorn stallion said. "How old are you, filly?"

"Wait, are you Starburst?" she asked. She looked around and strained her memory, trying to recollect their names. "And... Whisper, Flying Colors, and is that Miss Raincloud back there?"

The mare looked up. "Um, that's missus, actually."

Nope nodded. "So, did you pull me from the past, or an alternate universe?"

Whisper, a yellow unicorn mare, stepped forward. "It should be alternate universe. I have no idea how the time difference happened. Let's hope it's not some kind of dilation, or universes with unsynchronized time flows. That would make it problematic to send you back. Um. You're Noble Pinions, right?"

"That's what's on my birth certificate," Nope reluctantly admitted.

"Whisper, why is she younger?" Starburst asked. "We can't use a pint-sized Pinions!"

"How's your brother?" Nope asked him.

Starburst frowned. "Brother? I'm an only child."

"No alien duplicate?"

The stallion gave her a confused look. "What?"

Nope nodded and smiled at Whisper. "Definitely alternate universe."

Whisper let out a relieved sigh. "Oh thank goodness! Time travel is such a mess."

"Yeah, no kidding," Nope said. "So, um, what's going on here? Why do you need me? Please don't tell me you need a replacement-me because I went missing or something. I already did that last summer, and, lemme tell you, it sucked."

To her credit, Whisper didn't give her the expected "What?" response. The mare just shook her head and gave her a sad look. "If only. If our Pinions went missing, it'd be a blessing."

Nope raised an eyebrow, a giddy feeling bubbling up inside her despite herself. "Wait, wait. I'm a menace in this one?" She looked around the cave again. "A band of rebels... I'm an evil overlord?" She couldn't help grinning.

Several of the ponies surrounding her involuntarily stepped back.

"Are you sure this one's not evil?" Starburst asked Whisper.

"And to counter that," Nope continued, suppressing her laughter, "you summoned an alternate her here in the hopes it came from the Universe of Hackneyed Stereotypical Opposites, giving you a Brave Defender of Justice?"

Whisper shuffled around uncomfortably. "Well, if you put it that way, I guess—"

"And now," Nope added incredulously, "you expect a filly to clean up your mess!" She suddenly frowned. Imagining herself as Evil Overlord had been pretty funny, yes, but this? There wasn't really anything funny about it. She gave Whisper a grumpy look. "So, what were you planning anyway? Just letting me lead your attacks and storm the castle?"

"I'm just the summoner here!" Whisper said. "Don't ask me that stuff! I don't do strategy; that's Starburst's thing!"

The stallion in question now also shuffled around uncomfortably. "Um," he replied, "Yeah? Pretty much?"

Nope sighed. "Where's the castle? She does have a castle, right?"

Starburst's face lightened up. "Oh yes! There's a castle!" he said, nodding enthusiastically. "So, you're doing it?"

"Nope."

"But—"

"Look, I'm a pint-sized her, okay? Pint-Pinions. There's no way I can defeat her! I'm just going to talk to her."

Starburst gaped at her. "Talk?! You can't just 'talk' to an evil overlord! She'd just throw you in the dungeons right away, or banish you to some celestial body in outer space, like she did with the princesses!"

Nope shook her mane. "Eh. We'll see."





Nope was somewhat disappointed. The castle in question wasn't black, didn't radiate malice, and didn't have any ominous-looking birds flying around high peaking towers. In fact, there was not a single thin gravity-defying platform or turret of the kind that were so abundant on the Canterlot one. Instead, it looked like a very defensible, sturdy castle, and it had a wide moat dug around it. She looked around thoughtfully as she walked closer. Yes, this would probably be the kind of castle she'd build if she were an evil overlord.

"Halt! Who goez dere?"

Nope walked up to the castle guards at the drawbridge, nodding approvingly. Diamond dogs. Sensible choice, she figured. Much easier to suppress a pony population with than fellow ponies, impossible to impersonate, and probably wonderfully loyal.

"Look," Nope replied, "this is embarrassing enough as it is, okay? I just botched a time travel spell, and ended up way out of the castle, in a body half my normal age. Can I just get back to my room so I can get this fixed?"

One of the diamond dog blinked, walked up to her and sniffed her. Thankfully, it seemed that becoming an evil overlord hadn't affected the way she smelled. The dog nodded pensively, and gave her a slightly concerned look. "Huh. Hokay, boss. I, um, suppose ve better keep dis qviet, den?"

Wow. Loyal and concerned! She was getting impressed at her Evil Self's personnel management skills. "Thank you," she said politely, while waiting for the drawbridge to lower.

So far, so good, she thought as she walked into the actual castle. She had honestly expected to get more trouble at the gates; getting identified by smell was definitely a stroke of luck. She walked aimlessly around the castle until she found a map hanging on the wall. It had a helpful red dot saying "YOU ARE HERE".

"Well, that's convenient," Nope said. She couldn't help noticing that the corridors looked nothing like the map, though. At the bottom of the map was a friendly green button with the inscription "If you are lost, press the button to ask for instructions!"

Nope looked at the faint outline of a trapdoor under her feet, and made a mental note to stay the heck away from any convenient air ducts in this place. Frankly, it was rather unsettling how much respect she was getting for her Evil Overlord Self.

She wisely decided to keep looking on her own.





There was no throne room.

Oh, there was a large set of golden double doors, yes. And a convenient lever to open it, placed behind a single rather scrawny looking guard. The gigantic trap door in front of it, which looked like it could swallow up a small army, was pretty much impossible to spot, its outline almost invisible between the large floor tiles. Only the thin lines bisecting some of the tiles that formed a diagonal decoration pattern gave a slight hint that something was amiss. Nope gave the diamond dog a polite nod and looked on.

Her alternate self was a sensible Evil Overlord; she'd have her personal quarters tucked away in an unnoticeable corner, close to many guards but not noticeably guarded. She decided to check out the area around the barracks, and it wasn't long until she found it.

Given the fact the entire castle was apparently a death trap for hapless invading rebels, it shouldn't have come as a surprise to her that the guards here were a lot sharper, too.

"Whoo'z hyu den?" a large black diamond dog asked, circling around her.

"You know who I am," Nope said. "Can I go in, please?"

"Hyoo schmell like boss lady, but hyu eesunt boss lady. She'z in dere."

"Good. I want to talk to her." The dog grinned and looked like he was about to make some cruel remark, but Nope cut him off. "Look. I smell like her, I sound like her, and I look like her. Whether I'm an enemy or a friend really doesn't matter right now, y'know. Do you really think she won't want to know about me?"

The Dog frowned, grumbled something under his breath, and nodded.

"Hokay, tiny boss lady," he said, turning to the door. "Hyu tok to boss lady, den."

The guard gave a specific patterns of knocks on the door. After a few seconds, the door opened, seemingly by itself.

The Diamond Dog gave her a nod, and Nope walked in, closely followed by her minder. The inside looked more like an office than a throne room; in the center stood a wooden desk overflowing with papers, and all the walls were covered with shelves full of books, papers and scrolls.

Noble Pinions looked up from her paperwork and looked at her guest. For an Evil Overlord, Nope thought she looked fairly normal. Pretty much what she expected herself to look like in a decade or so. Her older self blinked and gave her a baffled look. "What in Equestria...?"

"Hi!" Nope said. "I'm you. Well. Younger alternate universe you. Can you please get me home?"

"You're... not here to defeat me?" Pinions asked.

"I think that was the plan originally," Nope said, "but then again, they said they couldn't send me back, so I thought I'd have better luck with you."

"Portal, huh?" Pinions said, nodding.

"Yeah. You get them too?"

"No. I keep a portal-nullifying field around me these days." She gave Nope a miserable look. "Of course, everypony thinks it's just to prevent sneak attacks."

"So, um..." Nope asked hesitantly. "What's the deal with... all this? The Evil Overlord thing?"

Pinions sighed and gave the guard a short nod, prompting him to walk out and close the door behind him.

She rested her head on the papers she'd been looking over. "It's not as if I wanted this," she said. "Everything trying to push you into one direction... just got so tiring." She raised her head and squinted her eyes. "So I said, forget it! If Destiny wants me to be some kind of hero? Well, let's see how dear old Destiny reacts if I go the other way! Portals? Nullified. Aliens? Shot out of the heavens! Magical princes and wizards? Throw them into a random portal!" She sighed again. "It gets so tiring, you know? Before you know it, you have foreign powers demanding to find their missing heirs, and then the Princesses get on your case, and when you finally manage to defeat them and lock them away, you have to go and figure out how to keep these stupidly huge celestial bodies going. It's a giant bother, that's what it is. And that's just the start, too."

"Really?" Nope asked curiously.

"Well, yes," Pinions replied glumly. "Once you defeat all the heroes, there's no one left to deal with all these ridiculous world-ending threats Equestria seems to get on a semi-yearly basis. I probably saved this world more times than any of these so-called heroes, but do you see me getting any praise? Ohh no. I'm the Evil Overlord!"

She blinked, and smiled at Nope. "Wow. You don't know how good it feels to just be able to vent about all that to someone who can understand it!"

"I got a fairly good idea," Nope said with a nod. "So, um... now what?"

Pinions looked at her carefully. "Well then. Who brought you here?"

"Our old classmates," Nope said. "They're holed up in the forest somewhere."

"Oh. Of course. Them." Pinions sighed. "I just let them go about their business. Sending people to the onion mines is all fun and games until it's someone you know being dragged in by the guards, you know? So I just let them get away. Some ropes not bound very tightly, some doors carelessly left ajar, some guards fast asleep on the job. I'm sure they feel very accomplished now, with their little hidden rebellion." She cricked her neck. "But, you see, just the fact they exist gives the ponies hope, so that's nice." She glanced down at Nope. "I just hope they don't summon anything horrible by accident."

"What happened to Sunshine?" Nope asked, cocking her head curiously. She couldn't help but notice the absence of her best friend in the cave, earlier.

"Agh, Sunshine," Pinions groaned. "Look, she and Blue Pine were... uh, you know Blue Pine? Her husband?"

"Somewhat," Nope said with a nod. "They just started dating, in my world."

Pinions looked relieved at that. "Right, right. The time difference. Anyway, I didn't want them in the way of all this, especially since some groups would probably try to use them as leverage against me, so... I banished them."

Nope nodded. "To some luxurious place."

Pinions nodded back. "With a large spending account. They still send me post cards; Sunny's getting very good at Zebrican. Honestly, she feels kind of bad about the situation here, but she loves it there."

Nope grinned. "I'll suggest it to them as honeymoon destination."

"Oh, leave her alone!" Pinion grinned back at her. "We'll see how you'll do when you fall in love!" She blinked and frowned, her expression turning gloomy. "It's not always like the fairy tales, little one..."

"Hey, no spoilers!" Nope protested. "Kindly allow me to make my own mistakes!"

"Right, right. Sorry." Pinions looked around her desk, which was overflowing with papers. "Well. I can at least warn you against this mistake. Though I honestly can't tell exactly where it started going wrong. I just... lost my temper a few times, it all snowballed into this huge mess, and the next thing I know, I'm an evil overlord." She stared blankly in front of her.

Nope nodded sadly. There was little she could do for her older self; no new insights to offer, no clever ways out... after all, Pinions was her, and she'd been there throughout the whole mess. "Do try to find a way out, please," she said. She gave her older alternate self a weak smile. "I know you can solve it."

Pinion smiled. "You're right. I guess I just have to try a little harder. Now, let's see about getting you home..."





"So, did you get me anything this time?" Sunshine asked.

Nope giggled. "I really shouldn't, but Big Me didn't mind, so... try to figure this one out!" She floated a small rectangular piece of cardboard out of her saddlebags, and let it hang in the air in front of her friend.

Sunshine gave the postcard a puzzled look. "I can't read that! That's Zebrican or something. Wait... is that my mouthwriting?"

Nope said nothing. She just waited patiently for her friend to get to the two signatures at the bottom of the card, which were connected with a large and rather intimate-looking ampersand.