//------------------------------//
// Battle of the Gods 
// Story: One Punch Mare 
// by Komponist 
//------------------------------//

Minutes before Celestia reached the throne room and right after the Spirit of Chaos took off into the air.

High up in the night sky above Canterlot Discord came to a sudden stop and turned into a traffic light. Once Daybreaker came close, she immediately slammed the brakes. After all, violating traffic rules was too much even for the Solar Goddess of Destruction.

Once she came to a halt, the traffic light turned back into Discord, wearing a police uniform and writing on a notepad.
“Ms Celestia, I’m afraid you are hereby under arrest! You’ll be handed over to the authorities immediately!”

With a bright flash, a courtroom materialized around Daybreaker, sans floor, ceiling and walls, with all the furniture just hovering in the air. The alicorn was seated on a stool behind the defendant’s table. In front of her, Discord in a judge’s robe and a court wig was sitting behind the bar. To Daybreaker’s left was the jury box, with twelve angry Discords glaring at her. The judge slammed his gavel, making a squeaking sound.
“ORDE… I mean… CHAOS! CHAOS!” he demanded.
“Celestia Bananamare Sunbutt van Cakegobbler (the First) is charged with crimes against the most awesome, most handsome and most supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Draconequus in existence! The offenses towards Discord the Great consist of punching, cheating in a fight and massive friendzoning! What does the defendant have to say for herself?”

Daybreaker, unamused, opened her mouth, but before she could utter a single word, another Discord showed up at her side. He wore a cheap looking, sleazy suit with tasteless colors and his hair was greasy and kempt over. He put a talon on Daybreaker’s mouth, signaling her to remain silent.
“Let me handle this, Celly! After all, it’s not like you ever do anything yourself!”

Daybreaker glared at him, but said nothing, focusing instead on the business card the attorney handed her. It read: ‘Better Call Discord’.

The lawyer turned to the judge and stepped forward (even though there was no floor) grabbing the suspenders on his smartsuit.
“Your honor, it is hardly her fault for behaving that way!”
He turned to the jury.
“As I will prove to you with my evidence and surprise witnesses, my client can’t help herself when she sees something as sexy as the great Discord! She’ll do anything to get his attention, even if her ways are questionable. Please, have a heart and show mercy to this poor, desperate mare. Is it a crime, to be dazzled by such incredible, miss-matched beauty? Look how she suffers being so close, and yet so far away from her goal!”

Daybreaker just deadpanned, but she was cut off once again before she could rebuke the ridiculous claim  as Discord grabbed her face, pulling it for the jury to see.
“Think of the turmoil inside of her! Think of all the restless nights spent alone, all the guilt gnawing at her, all the cakes devoured in despair!”

All the members of the jury wiped tears from their faces. Their hearts melted, literally. Even the judge’s under-lip was quivering.

Daybreaker smirked.
“Actually… …How do I put this…? …I don’t find you the least bit attractive and would rather join Luna in her Anime RP nights than stay in the same room with you for more than a minute… but… I guess we can still be evil pen pals.”

“GUILTY!!! GUILTY!!!” all the members of the jury yelled in fury.

The lawyer shrugged.
“Welp, there’s nothing more I can do here! Off to Mexicolt!”
With a white flash, he seated himself in a rickety camper and drove away, leaving puffs of smoke behind, while its horn blasted ‘La Cucaracha’.

The judge slammed his gavel against the desk, glaring at Daybreaker.
“YOU ARE THE MOST HEINOUS CREATURE IN THE HISTORY OF EQUUS!!! I HEREBY SENTENCE YOU TO CLOWNING!”

One giant bright flash later the court was gone, leaving Daybreaker alone in the air. She was wearing a clown costume with makeup and a round red nose. She was also holding an oversized bike horn in her hooves. A moment later, Discord’s head appeared from its muzzle.
“Priceless! Hahaha! No hard feelings, but I need to show you your place, Celly!”

The ‘Aliclown’ suddenly pressed the rubber-end of the bike horn, shooting the startled Discord out with a loud honk. He stopped a little further away, with his heart beating out off his chest. The draconequus was visibly upset.
“Goodness, are you trying to make me fall out of the sky?!”

Daybreaker-Clown smiled.
“You float! We all float! And while you’re up here with me, you’ll keep floating!”

She ignited her body and all signs of clownery vaporized, turning into ash and a cloud of steam that blended with the clouds nearby. After it had dissipated, it left the fiery mare naked once more. Discord gritted his teeth.
“FINE! If you don’t want Mister Nice Discord, missy, you won’t get Mister Nice Discord! How about we continue this with no wings and no magic… only on your part, of course!”

He snapped his talons and a bright flash flared around Daybreaker.

Nothing happened.
The tyrant still had her wings and horn attached. She smirked, while Discord’s eyes went wide.
“What the…?! Well, then I’ll just serve you some time off as a statue, like you did to me twice! Prepare to get stoned, your Cakeness!”

He snapped his talons once again with the same result.
A vein visibly popped on Discord’s forehead, violently pumping. He continued to snap his talons and paw frantically. The only effect it had was a light show.

Suddenly, Daybreaker appeared in front of him, putting her hooves gently on his paw and talon, making him stop the snapping. She smiled warmly and looked deep into his eyes, while bringing her face close to his.
“I’m afraid I’m way out of your league, Dissy! Conserve your energy from now on. You might be able to tease me with your tricks, change my make up or dress me up in ridiculous ways… ...or steal my tail… you jerk… but actually harming me? Stealing my magic? Petrifying me? It never worked before and I’ll make sure it never will!”

Discord stared at her with wide eyes and visibly gulped.
Then, Daybreaker abruptly grabbed him with her hooves and tied his elongated body into a knot, while the draconequus yelped in pain. Once she was done, she held a tightly bound, squirming Disco(rd)ball in her hooves and chuckled.
“I assume you think that this is… ‘knot’ funny?”

“That pun is the most painful part!” Discord’s muffled voice said.

He escaped her grasp with yet another flash and reappeared further away, painfully untangling himself.
“Ooh! Ouch! Agh! Hhhnnnggg… It seems like it’s time to pull out the heavy guns!”

Discord’s body started to grow and transform into a mechanical giant, an Anime-esque Mecha-Discord, with five Power-Ranger-Discords sitting inside. Once finished, he opened his arms revealing countless missiles ready to launch from his chest. They all had Discord’s face painted on their warheads. With the thunder of a thousand engines, all the missiles launched simultaneously and flew towards the fiery alicorn… who stopped them all in her golden aura right before the impact. She then put a hoof to her chin in thought.
“Hm… no, that’s no fun at all...”

Her magic aura dissipated, letting all of the discordian rockets hit her at once, resulting in a massive explosion and a firework display in the shape of Discord’s grinning face. Once the smoke had cleared, it revealed a smug alicorn, to absolutely nopony’s surprise.

The giant Mecha-Discord pulled out a gargantuan, futuristic sword, twice the size of himself and lifted it high into the sky, ready for a colossal strike that would pierce the heavens. It was then that Daybreaker snatched it out of his huge mechanical hand into her golden aura and started spanking him with the blade’s flat side.
“OW! OW! OW!” he said in a robotic voice.

With another white flash, the sword disappeared and Discord was back to normal, rubbing his butt and panting.
“Okay, TIME OUT! Parlay! How about we talk this out like adults, Celly?”

Daybreaker grinned.
“You still think you’re dealing with Celestia here, don’t you?”

Discord’s bushy eyebrows went up.
“Wait, you’re not Celestia?! …Well, that would explain why you are such an…”
He made a cartoon-hole appear in front of him, with an ass sticking its head out.
"Do you think she got the hint?" asked the donkey.
"Doubt it!” said the hole.

The fiery alicorn smiled, displaying a wide, toothy grin, staring at Discord menacingly.
“You wanted to talk, right?”

The Spirit of Chaos felt very uneasy with the look on her face, not to mention the razor-sharp teeth.
“Um… yes…?” he muttered nervously.

Daybreaker’s expression turned even more malevolent.
“Well, how about a game instead? You start running… and if I catch you… it's barbecue time, My Little Bratwurst!”

She locked her gaze with his and lowered her upper half, ready to pounce. Discord’s whole body paled and he snapped his talons in order to teleport far, far away. Nothing happened, not even a flash this time.

“Oh, and I’ll be suppressing at least SOME of your powers from now on. All those flashes are starting to give me a headache!” Daybreaker added.
“You wouldn’t want to cheat on me, now would you, Dissy?” she said sweetly giving him a wink and setting her horn ablaze, turning it into a fiery skewer.

Discord bolted in panic, while his predator gave chase, giggling playfully, yet menacingly.



***


All the shenanigans happened so high up that nopony down on the ground could see anything but  flashes and blasts.

Many of the ponies on the now ravaged Canterlot plaza looked up not only in fear, but also with sadness on their faces. They were all asking themselves questions like:
Why is Princess Celestia doing all of this? She was always so kind and caring! Doesn’t she love us anymore? Is it our fault? What did we do? Did we not cherish her enough?
Their hearts were about to break.

Starswirl and the still recovering Luna were watching the fight high up with worried expressions. Tempest Shadow was standing at their side, visibly tired and in pain. She had already told them what happened before their arrival at the plaza.
“Hopefully, that all powerful Chaos-God is what he claims to be! Else we’re all done for!” Tempest grimly remarked.

“Discord is the third most powerful being in the world! He should at least give us time to think of a new strategy.” Starswirl said without turning his gaze from the sky.

Luna looked at him.
“And who is the second most powerful?” she asked.

The only answer Starswirl gave, were two discrete pats on her back. Luna’s eyes went wide. Then she looked down smiling lightly and blushing heavily.

Tempest squinted at the little she could see high above.
“You’d better think of something quick, ‘cause the gig up there won’t last much longer.”

“Well, you are more than invited to share your wisdom with us, young lady!” Starswirl grumpily remarked.
“The solution won’t just fall out of the sky!”

A faint whistling sound, that slowly grew louder and louder, caused them all to cock an eyebrow and to look around when suddenly...

WHAM!

Something hit the ground behind them with enough power to blast them away. Once they got up, all three of them saw a small crater, where the unidentified flying object had hit the ground. In its centre, a very familiar, white (and fairly large) butt stuck into the air, shaking around due to the pair of flailing legs it was attached to.
“CELESTIA!!!” Starswirl, Luna and Tempest said in unison.

Suddenly something else fell from the sky and hit Tempest directly in the forehead with a loud smacking sound. It was a plunger, now attached firmly in place of her broken horn. The purple mare crossed her eyes looking upwards, while slowly moving a hoof up and daintily touched the wooden shaft. 
“I feel… complete!”