Wingmanicide

by shortskirtsandexplosions


Rainbow

“Gosh dang it, Flash!!!” Rainbow Dash's voice crackled through the stereo headphones. “Where are those heals?!?”

“S-sorry!” Flash gnashed his teeth, hammering away the mouse and keyboard of his computer rig. A sci-fi urban landscape blurred past the first person perspective of his avatar. “Had to deal with a camping Tracer right outside of spawn.”

“Well get your butt over here! I can't defend the point without my favorite Moira main!”

Flash let loose a long sigh through a tired smile as his eyes darted back and forth across his monitor. “No sense in wasting a compliment.”

He heard her chuckle through the headphones. “Yeah yeah. Just keep focus. My back's aching enough as it is with all this carrying I've been doing.”

For a while, nothing could be heard save for the repetitious sounds of stock gunshots, explosions, and HUD alerts. Flash breathed evenly, his body bent in an intense lean towards the monitor as he kept his gaze on his fellow teammates.

Then—out of the digitized blue—the main tank's voice warbled over party chat: “So... Fluttershy's got some sexy legs, don't you think?”

Flash's fingers slipped, and he flung a dark purple orb blindly against a wall. “Huh?”

“What? Are you blind?! You saw her sunbathing on spring break!” A massive German hammer slammed a cyborg ninja into ragdolling chaos before blurring wildly across Flash's computer screen. “She's like a pixie made of gold! And that pink hair! You ever suppose silk could burn?”

Flash blinked, struggling to keep the HP of his teammates in line.

“Get it? Cuz she's so friggin' hot?”

The air grew warm in Flash's room. Sweat formed along his brow—and it wasn't because of a Sombra hack.

“Hellooooo?!? Earth to Flash! You're telling me you never noticed?!”

“I... uh...” Flash cleared his throat. Once the cooldown of his healing ability reset, he restored sweet sweet health to the emoting avatar in front of him. “Sure, I noticed. I just... didn't realize I was supposed to...”

“It's no big secret! Fluttershy's a total knock-out babe!” Rainbow's voice cracked across the Internet. “Like—for real! She could pose for supermodel magazines! Just ask Rarity! She's begged forever to take photos of her!”

“I didn't know that Rarity had wanted to—”

“But has Rarity spent all of her life around Fluttershy? Protecting her?? Fighting off creeps and bullies and would-be-stalkers???”

“I... uh... erm...”

“That's right! I have! Me! Not Rarity! Not anybody else! I'm telling you... no person on this planet has known and protected Fluttershy like I have!”

Flash shrugged into the shadows of his room. “Guess... that's why you're a Rein main...”

“... … ...that's why it's not so weird that... th-that someone like me would fantasize about her in bed at night, right?”

Flash opened his mouth—

“Or—like—maybe even in the shower?”

A dry cough formed in the young man's throat. “Uhm...”

AAAAAH!” his headphones exploded.

Flash nearly leapt out of his seat. “GAAAH!

There was a pounding sound through the ear speakers. “Gosh dang friggin' Hanzos! I thought they nerfed him!”

Flash wheezed for a breath, scrambling to patch up his remaining teammates.

“And it's such a long friggin' walk to the first point! Dammit, Flash—why couldn't you be a Mercy main so you could rez me?!”

“I... I-I'm sorry! I was too busy... uhm... the Doomball... I-I mean the Wreckingfist... I mean—”

“You didn't answer my question.”

“What question? Rainbow—!” Flash gnashed his teeth as he saw an arrow fly between his avatar's eyes, dropping her Irish ragdoll to the ground. Sighing, the young man rubbed the bridge of his nose and muttered into his mic. “I have to admit. Fluttershy's pretty gorgeous...”

“So it's... not super weird of me... right?”

Flash rolled his eyes and shrugged. “You ask me...” He droned. “...it's kind of weird that you've been living with such an Aphrodite all your life and somehow haven't proposed to her by now.”

The line was silent for a space. Until: “Really?” her voice cracked.

“Yes, Rainbow. Really.”

“So... … ...asking her someday to go chilling somewhere—just the two of us—wouldn't be too far out of the ballpark, you think?”

Flash's arms fell to his desk with an audible slap. “You know what, Rainbow...?” He shook his head with a tired smile. “Roll D.Va for once—metaphorically. Knock yourself out.”

“You really think so?”

“Why wouldn't I?”

“Hell—I think I just might do that!” Rainbow's voice lilted with melodic joy. “Heheheh—but mark my words! This is totally a secret! Don't you go telling anybody!”

Flash took a deep breath and took control of his respawned avatar. “I wouldn't dream of it.”

“And get back to pocketing! Stat! It's enough that you've wasted two ults since the round started.”

“Mrnnnnghhhh-mmmhmmmmm...”