Dagmire approached the library and saw rainbow outside practicing for something while Fluttershy tried to cheer her on. Dagmire entered the library and caught the end of twilight’s conversation
“Thank you so much for helping me clean up all these books, guys. It was a crazy week of studying.” Twilight said
Suddenly rainbow smashed through the window and knocked over the bookshelf
“Sorry about that ladies. That was a truly feeble performance.”
“Actually, it wasn't all bad. I particularly liked it when you made the clouds spin.” Fluttershy complemented
“ Ugh. I'm not talking about my performance, I'm talking about yours. That feeble cheering!” Rainbow said
“What are you two arguing about?” Twilight asked while trying not to blow a gasket
“Were we arguing? I'm sorry.“ Fluttershy apologized
“ugh I wish you guys could come to Cloudsdale to see me compete in the Best Young Flyer Competition.” Rainbow said
“What’s that?”
“It's where all the greatest Pegasus flyers get together and show off their different flying styles! Some are fast!” Pinky said while mimicking a car “And some are graceful.” Pinky said as she smashed into the wall
“Golly. I'd love to see you strut yer stuff in that competition.” Applejack said
“Yeah. I wish you guys could be there. Fluttershy's a great support, but her cheering isn't exactly inspirational.” Rainbow said
“Ooh! I'd love to see you make a sonic rainboom! It's like, the most coolest thing ever! Even though I've never actually seen it, but I mean come on! It's a sonic rainboom! How not cool could it possibly not be?!” Pinky said quickly
“Well I might be able to come.” Dagmire said
“That’s right! You have that curse thing!” Rainbow said with the subtlety of the Incredible Hulk
“Yep. It’s going to suck to be without boots but I should be fine.” Dagmire said while suddenly getting picked up by the speedster
Suddenly Dagmire was in rainbows house without his boots. The “floor” was surprisingly solid. It seemed that clouds followed different rules In Equestria
“Rainbow where are my boots?” Dagmire asked
“They are in that bag thing you have.”
“What? My bag of holding?”
“Dagmire I’m not that dumb. It’s just a bag. What’s with the holding bit?”
When rainbow turned around Dagmire was gone and only the bag was in her house. Panicking she quickly grabbed the bag and flew out to try and catch Dagmire. She was freaking out when she couldn’t see him but suddenly the bag moved And Dagmire’s head poked out of the little satchel
“Sup?” Dagmire said
“What?!”
“Yep. Magic. It’s a bag of holding because it is enchanted to hold many items at once. Including people”
“Woah. I could pull some awesome pranks with that!”
“Yep. But for now let’s go to that contest you were going to.”
“Alright.” Rainbow replied
After grabbing something that looked like a lock box and telling Fluttershy that they would meet in cloudsdale, rainbow dashed (pun! HHHAAAAAAAAAAAA!) off into the clouds while dragging Dagmire along with him flapping in the breeze like he was a wacky inflatable arm-flailing tube-man. A few moments later Dagmire and rainbow were in line for the competition
“-I’m just saying that would be a mistake”
“Oh come on! You said it could make me go faster!”
“It makes everything go faster. Including your opponents.”
“Darn. Well what-“
“No. Listen. After the incident we had last time I’m not doing anything unless things go wrong”
“Fine.”
“Good. Also we got your entry pass an hour ago. You’ve Been spending so much time arguing with me that we now need to go and prepare for it after that tour you offered your friends”
“Tour? Nopony else is-“
Dagmire let out an audible groan and turned Rainbow around to see her friends using the cloud walking spell.
“...oh. Now I remember. Well come on! We gotta tour cloudsdale!” Rainbow said without missing a beat.
Rainbow quickly left with her friends while Clearance coiled around Dagmire.
“...a piggyback ride?” Dagmire asked
“Yep.”
Dagmire gave an inquisitive look at Clearance and noticed that his pupils were completely narrow like a cornered cat. Under his calm mask (irony!) he was likely freaked out by something
“Alright.” Dagmire said as Clearance got on Dagmire...
And the two sunk through the clouds.
Thinking quickly Dagmire stuffed Clearance into the bag of holding and he began flapping his arms as hard as he could
Thanks to his strange weight being that of a damp feather, Dagmire managed to start ascending.
“Look at that mommy!” A little Pegasus said to his parents as he witnessed one strange ass bird fly south for the winter
“Wow...nature is beautiful” the mother said awestruck as the creature started sparkling with little black specks falling from it
”OW FUCK I GOT SAND IN MY EYES! AGHAAAAAA-“
“It sure is sweetheart” the child’s father said as the strange bird stopped on a cloud likely resting from its long journey
Dagmire was standing under a cloud using the rain to flush the sand from his eyes
“I’m sorry Dagmire. I thought that you were good with the clouds” Clearance said from within the bag of holding
“It’s fine. When nature and magic mix, usually nature pile drives magic into the ground” Dagmire surmised
“So...What now?”
“Well that fiasco made us lose an hour... so we gotta get to the rainbow factory”
“You mean that large building that’s spewing out clouds?”
“Yep that’s the one”
“I think we are on top of it.”
“Oh...well then I guess we just jump down?”
Before Clearance could object he poked his head out and saw that Dagmire was about to hit the clouds below him.
Dagmire landed silently behind three ponys who seemed to be finishing up insulting Rainbow Dash.
“See you then, Rainbow Crash!” One of them said as they flew off following rarity
“Did you see that? I was so assertive!” Fluttershy said asking for praise
Clearance slid out of the bag of holding and approached rainbow
“Hey rainbow. Why the long face?” Clearance asked with genuine concern
Dagmire’s mask flashed
*BA-DUM-CRASH*
“...sorry. This happens sometimes” Dagmire said as the drums dropped through the clouds and shattered on the ground far below
“What am I gonna DO?! I'll never win the competition now...” rainbow said as she half heartedly made her way to the stadium
They arrived and rainbow was escorted away. After constantly changing her number so she wouldn’t have to go and rarity taking her sweet damm time preparing eventually:
“Look, ladies. I don't know what to tell you. There's only time for one more performance. If you both want to compete, you'll just have to go out there together!” The announcer said
“Well, Rainbow Dash? Shall we?” rarity said
Rainbow nervously babbled like a toddler on the peak of a roller coaster
“Good luck, Rainbow Dash. Just do your best. I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of changing our music. That "rock and roll" doesn't really match my wings.” Rarity said her bitchness showing
The round started and rainbow made a few mistakes that the pony’ from earlier capitalized on as they made fun of her completely ignoring rarity flying like a brick with pretty wings and a pretty lil red bow
“You know what? Fuck this. CUT THE MUSIC!” Dagmire said getting out his instrument
Dagmire’s mask flashed and the music halted. An intense melody began playing from the music box as Dagmire played the strings faster than a woodpecker smashing its face into a tree
Rainbow and rarity were just a little bit faster and rainbow made more elaborate tricks. At the same time rarity grew more bold as the song carried on.
Eventually rarity fucked up
“Look upon me, Equestria, for I... am... Rarity!” She said as her wings evaporated and the song stopped
She fell and ended up knocking out her would be rescuers with her flailing.
The climax of the song kicked back in and rainbow blasted through the sky and caught them with a massive explosion of light and colours
And then Dagmire stopped looking through a kaleidoscope and then rainbow did the sonic rainboom.
See? I pulled a sneaky on ya
“Nice” Dagmire said content with himself
Rainbow set down the ponys on the clouds (and she set rarity on the hot air balloon as without the wings she couldn’t cloud walk)
From there she began flipping out as her hero’s thanked her for her actions and rarity was forgiven.
After the ride down and even more apologies from rarity, Dagmire and Clearance went back to the bar for a nice nap. When they returned some glass snakes were looking out the window longingly.
“They’ll come eventually. They always do” Dagmire said comforting the lost souls
All but two snakes left. The two that remained weren’t as colourful as the rest and was coloured soot black in some spots causing them to look as if someone tried to light a window on fire and stop when the scorched mark was left. They looked at Dagmire with a look of concern
“...yes I know it’s going to be quite sketchy If he comes...he’s probably going to hate me because of my heritage. I still don’t give a shit. You two are going to meet him again say goodbye and have the best fucking afterlife there is.”
The two snakes seemed unsure
“Come on. I knew the risks when I took you two in. Let’s just rest for now and see what tomorrow brings ok?”
The snakes paused as if thinking and then slowly nodded before heading back into the pit
“Alright. Now then...”
Dagmire collapsed from exhaustion on the spot and began snoring loudly as Clearance picked him up and took him to bed