//------------------------------// // Chapter 5: Me and My... AI? // Story: Undead Robot Bug Crusaders: Unusual Lives // by Banjo64 //------------------------------// Another day, another page in Sweetie Belle’s manual. Though at this point, she was starting to suspect that the manual was enchanted in some way and was actually a lot thicker than it looked. Seriously, just how many gadgets did they cram into her robot body? “...allowing the user to be fully aware of the A.P.P.’s status,” read Sweetie Belle. Putting her manual down on her bed, Sweetie Belle closed her eyes and concentrated. Activate advanced HUD, thought Sweetie Belle. There was a loud beep, and then Sweetie Belle’s vision was filled with various indicators, including a clock, a temperature gauge, and a bright green picture of herself that supposedly monitored her body’s condition. There was also a battery counter in the corner, which made Sweetie Belle scoff. “Great. I can turn my life into a video game, complete with a health bar. Bet Button would get a kick out of this,” said Sweetie Belle to herself. Then again, the colt seemed to get a kick out of most of Sweetie Belle’s gadgets. Everytime she showed him a new trick he’d get that adorable look of awe on his… Sweetie Belle blushed and facehooved. “Ugh, I get it, me. I know I think he’s cute. If I’m being completely honest with myself, some part of me does want to grow closer to him. But that doesn’t make him my coltfriend. We’re way too young for that stuff, even if it turns out he’s actually interested in me. We’re not becoming a couple anytime soon, so stop daydreaming about it,” she grumbled to herself. The words Relationship Status Update: Button Mash is now your crush! appeared on the edge of her vision. “Nopony asked you. Disable advanced HUD,” said Sweetie Belle with a huff. A blink later, her vision was clear once more. Too bad this did nothing to clear her thoughts as well. With a resigned sigh, Sweetie Belle opened her manual and continued reading, hoping to find a distraction. The next page drove all thoughts on puppy love from her mind. “Direct System Interface?” Sweetie Belle asked out loud.  Intrigued, she read on. “This program enables the M.P.S. user to establish a direct line of communication with their A.P.P. systems. This can be used to locate possible glitches, establish new protocols, or change settings that are proving difficult to adjust to desired parameters. Does this mean… I can speak directly with Sweetie Bot?” asked Sweetie Belle. The idea was intriguing, but also terrifying. She’d always treated Sweetie Bot as some sort of automatic system, not a living being. But if she could actually run a program to talk with it, did that mean it was more than just a robotic voice in her head? And if it was more, did that mean she was sharing her body with some kind of artificial mind? Dr. Brown hadn’t mentioned anything about the A.P.P. hosting an AI, but it wouldn’t be the first time T.I.M.E. had neglected to inform her of something. Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, Sweetie Bell reached deep into her soul and pulled out all the courage she could muster. “Alright, I really should figure this out as soon as I can. Putting it off won’t make Sweetie Bot any less alive than she already is, and Celestia knows I wouldn't want to be stuck as a voice in somepony else’s head. Activate Direct Interface,” said Sweetie Belle. Her vision faded away to nothing. When Sweetie Belle’s vision returned, she found herself in an empty black void. She looked around in confusion. “This... doesn’t look like an interface. Did I activate the virtual reality program by accident?” asked Sweetie Belle. But when she looked down at herself, she noticed something off about her legs. They seemed almost too soft. The now familiar ridges were no longer visible across her body. “What the…” she mumble. She tapped her legs together, and there was no soft clang of metal on metal. She quickly realized what it meant. “I’m not a robot anymore? No, this has to be a dream or something. What the hay is this place?” asked Sweetie Belle. “INITIALIZING DIRECT SYSTEM INTERFACE,” said a familiar monotone voice. Sweetie Belle gave an yelp and looked around. The voice seemed to have come from everywhere at once. “Sweetie Bot?” asked Sweetie Belle. There was a slight glimmer in the air, and then Sweetie Belle found herself face to face with a copy of herself, in her full robot glory. “INTERFACE COMPLETE. A.P.P. UNIT: SWEETIE BOT NOW READY FOR DIRECT COMMUNICATION,” said the robot. Sweetie Belle blinked in confusion before she finally understood what was going on. “Oh… I get it. This place is in my head, or something like that. I’m not a robot here because ‘I’ am my soul, and ‘you’ are the robot I’m plugged into or something like that,” she deduced. “AFFIRMATIVE. THE DIRECT SYSTEM INTERFACE IS DESIGNED TO ENABLE M.P.S. USERS TO DIRECTLY COMMUNICATE WITH THEIR A.P.P.’S COMPUTATION SYSTEMS IN A MORE NATURAL MANNER. PLEASE STATE ANY INQUIRIES YOU MAY HAVE,” said Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle just stared at the robot version of herself for a moment, trying to come up with a response to this. “Uh… Hello?” said Sweetie Belle. “HELLO,” said Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle shook her head and tried to focus. She was having another conversation with her prosthetic body. And this time, it was talking back to her! Did this mean she really did have another full blown intelligence in her head this whole time? “Um… what exactly are you?” asked Sweetie Belle. “I AM A VIRTUAL PROGRAM DESIGNED TO MAKE THE FUNCTIONS OF THE A.P.P. SYSTEM MORE ACCESSIBLE TO ITS USER. AS VERY FEW BEINGS HAVE THE NECESSARY SKILLS AND EXPERIENCE TO WRITE OR CHANGE COMPUTER PROGRAMS, A MORE ‘DOWN TO EARTH’ SYSTEM WAS DEEMED NECESSARY AND MADE STANDARD IN EVERY A.P.P. UNIT,” answered Sweetie Bot. “Oh. So you’re not actually the A.P.P., just something designed to help me manage the A.P.P. because I don’t know a thing about how robots work?” asked Sweetie Belle. “AFFIRMATIVE. THIS PROGRAM HAS ACCESS TO ALL A.P.P. FUNCTIONS AND PROGRAMS. THIS INTERFACE MAY BE USED AS A MEANS OF DIRECT INTERACTION WITH ALL SYSTEMS WITHIN THIS A.P.P. UNIT,” said Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle let out a sigh. That was good to know, but not exactly what she was asking about. She needed to be more direct and... “THIS PROGRAM IS ALSO OUTFITTED WITH A COMEDY ROUTINE. WOULD YOU CARE TO HEAR A JOKE?” asked Sweetie Bot. “Wait, what?” asked Sweetie Belle in surprise. “WHY DID THE HORSE CROSS THE ROAD? BECAUSE THE CARRIAGE WASN’T GOING TO CROSS BY ITSELF. HA HA HA.” said Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle raised an eyebrow. “Uh… OK. I’m not a comedian, but I’m fairly certain that wasn’t very funny,” said Sweetie Belle. “THIS UNIT OFFERED TO TELL A JOKE. NOT NECESSARILY A GOOD JOKE,” said Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle face hooved. “OK, that was terrible. Whoever came up with that joke is a jerk, and I hope they got their butt kicked for teaching you that,” said Sweetie Belle. “You’re a disgrace to all of us, Dainty Cook. I mean really, no one even knows what a carriage is these days, and the self-driving cars have been a thing for decades. No pony is going to even realize that was a joke at all, let alone one as bad as that,” “That’s the point. And that’s why it’s genius,” “Ugh...” Sweetie Belle let out a sigh. “Alright, how do I say this in a way that gets the answer I’m looking for? Are you alive? No, stupid question, you’re a robot. Are you… aware? Well, duh, you’re talking back to me. Are you… a… um…” Sweetie Belle tried to say. “ANALYZING INQUIRIES… POSSIBLE INTENT IDENTIFIED. ARE YOU ASKING IF THIS UNIT IS SAPIENT?” asked Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle blinked, then facehooved. “I can’t believe I forgot that word. I’m going to have turn in my ‘designated dictionary’ card… Wait, no, that’s a good thing. In your face Scootaloo! I’m not a dictionary! And yes, that’s what I’m asking. Are you sapient, Sweetie Bot?” asked Sweetie Belle. This was it, the moment of truth. “NEGATIVE. IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE ‘GHOST IN THE SHELL’ LAWS, A.P.P.’S ARE NOT PROGRAMMED WITH FULLY DEVELOPED AI’S,” said Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Ghost in the Shell laws?” asked Sweetie Belle. “IT WAS DEEMED TOO CRUEL TO CONSTRAIN A SAPIENT AI TO DOING NOTHING BUT RUN THE PROGRAMS OF AN A.P.P. UNIT. NOT ONLY WOULD THIS RESTRICT THE AI’S ABILITY TO FUNCTION IN SOCIETY AT LARGE, IT WAS FOUND TO BE ‘DISTURBING’ FOR M.P.S. USERS TO SHARE THEIR BODY WITH ANOTHER INTELLIGENCE,” said Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle’s jaw dropped. “But… but you’re talking to me! You’re cracking horrible jokes! How can you not be some sort of AI?” asked Sweetie Belle. “ALL INQUIRIES ARE MET WITH PRE-DESIGNATED RESPONSES, ALL OF WHICH HAVE BEEN COMPILED TO APPEAR MORE ‘NATURAL.’ THIS PROGRAM, AND THE ENTIRE A.P.P. SYSTEM, DO NOT POSSESS ANY FORM OF SAPIENCE. AS SUCH, PLEASE BEAR IN MIND THAT NOT EVERY QUESTION WILL HAVE AN AVAILABLE ANSWER,” said Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle sat down in disbelief, trying to come to terms with this development. “So everything you’ve said up to this point, all of it, was just a series of pre-recorded words? I’m just speaking with some kind of advanced automatic response?” asked Sweetie Belle. “AFFIRMATIVE,” said Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle let out a sigh. It took her a moment to realize it was a sigh of relief. She was not sharing a second mind in her body, and it was surprisingly comforting to hear. The interface had a point: being stuck in somepony's head centuries in the past sounded like it’d be rather boring. Especially consider Sweetie Belle had been unaware of her robot status for years. Yeah, no AI in her head was probably for the best. “DO YOU HAVE ANY FURTHER INQUIRIES?” asked Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle turned her attention back to the interface. Was there anything else she wanted to use this interface for while she had the chance? Well, there was that one inconvenience she wanted to do something about. “Um, can you tell me more about the spoiler policy?” asked Sweetie Belle. “MULTIPLE RESPONSES DETECTED. PLEASE SPECIFY YOUR INQUIRY,” said Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle raised an eyebrow, but decided it wasn’t worth pushing. “OK, please tell me more about the T.I.M.E. spoiler policy,” said Sweetie Belle. “THE SPOILER PROTOCOL IS A T.I.M.E. POLICY ENACTED TO PREVENT TEMPORAL PARADOXES. WHILE NOT ALL INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE FUTURE POSES SERIOUS RISK OF SUCH HAZARDS, A ‘BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY’ APPROACH DEEMED SUCH BLOCKS NECESSARY,” said Sweetie Bot. “I understand that much. What I want to know is if there’s some way you can inform me that something’s behind that block. I would have saved me a lot of trouble if I’d just been told that the information I’m searching for was unavailable instead of just turning up blank,” said Sweetie Belle. “PROCESSING… POSSIBLE SOLUTION IDENTIFIED. WOULD YOU LIKE TO RECEIVE NOTIFICATION WHEN A SYSTEM BLOCK IS ENCOUNTERED?” asked Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle blinked. That was a lot easier than she thought it would be. She was kind of expecting a “nope, that’s not for you to know” sort of response. Maybe the spoiler policy wasn’t as stingy as she thought? “Yes, That would be nice,” said Sweetie Belle. There was a slight flicker in the void as Sweetie Belle felt something shift. “NOTIFICATION SYSTEM UPDATED. THE USER WILL NOW BE INFORMED OF ANY SYSTEM BLOCKS ENCOUNTERED,” said Sweetie Bot. “OK. Better test this. Um… what’s pie flavored pie?” asked Sweetie Belle. “PROCESSING… ERROR. A SYSTEM BLOCK PREVENTS ACCESS TO THAT INFORMATION,” said Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle let out a sigh of relief. Well, relief and disappointment. Seriously, what the buck did pie flavor taste like? “Well, at any rate, that should do it. That’ll probably help me if I ever have to do another crazy information hunt. But, why wasn’t this the default setting? Isn’t this something I should have already had running?” asked Sweetie Belle. “PROCESSING… ERROR. A SYSTEM BLOCK PREVENTS ACCESS TO THAT INFORMATION,” said Sweetie Bot. Sweetie Belle facehooved. “Right, because T.I.M.E. said so. Probably because that way it would take months to figure out T.I.M.E. existed, and apparently it was necessary to the timeline for me to struggle like that. Well, whatever. I think we’re done here. Thanks for the help, Sweetie Bot,” said Sweetie Belle. “YOU’RE WELCOME. PLEASE REMEMBER TO DISABLE DIRECT SYSTEM INTERFACE WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED,” replied Sweetie Bot. Sweetie rolled her eyes. How could she forget to turn off the thing keeping her in this empty void? “Alright. Disable direct system interface,” said Sweetie Belle. Her vision went dark once more. Sweetie Belle opened her eyes, and saw she was back in her room. Well, back in the waking world, at any rate. She probably hadn’t moved an inch from her bed during her chat with Sweetie Bot. She got up, stretched, and made her way to the mirror. The familiar robot filly within looked back at her. “Welp, guess it’s really just me in here,” said Sweetie Belle. And yet, she didn’t feel alone. After speaking with her interface directly, it was hard not to feel like the metal frame was alive in some way, even if it wasn’t a full blown AI. Maybe that “down-to-earth” approach really was effective. *Grumble* Sweetie Belle winced as her stomach started demanding food again. “Clearly, far more effective than the rate I burn through calories with these gadgets. I just ate lunch, too,” mumbled Sweetie Belle.