//------------------------------// // 10. Falling Down // Story: Keeping It Simple // by Ivory Piano //------------------------------// Falling Down Big Macintosh was on his back looking up at the leaves of the trees. They gently swayed back and forth, but he couldn’t feel any wind. There on the ground, everything was motionless. He raised a hoof to the leaves, hoping to feel a bit of wind. It was no use. The trunks and branches looked the same as when he was just a colt. Didn’t ponies usually say everything looks smaller when they come back to visit places from their foalhood? Maybe he grew along with the trees. At least they didn’t have little sisters that told them to stop being trees. He lowered his foreleg and rolled back onto his hooves, shaking his head. It wouldn’t do him any good to force some distracting thoughts to get his mind over what just happened. He needed to think, to lay everything out in a way that made sense to him. This was nothing compared to the argument he had with Applejack after plowing a field with Twilight. Back then his little sister had yelled and gotten angry. He wished she were the same way when she told him she didn’t need him. At least then he could blame what she said on her temper. Not like today when she spoke in such a calm tone, as if she told him to pass the salt. Walking helped. He knew these woods like the back of his hoof, and right now he just needed to get lost. Both in his thoughts and in Paradise Woods. Walking where there was no path didn’t daunt him. He simply circled around the campsite, giving it a wide berth, and headed for a little patch of lakefront hidden amongst the trees. He and Applejack used to go there as sort of a secret base. He pushed the memory aside. No point in reminiscing anymore. The trees soon thinned and the little shoreline was just as he remembered it. Though he found another pony in his secret place. Fluttershy lay on her stomach right in front of the lake and beside a small loaf of bread, throwing a few crumbs into the water every so often. She hadn’t noticed him yet. If it was anyone else he would’ve sneaked away, but it was Fluttershy. She was probably the only pony that didn’t grind on his nerves during the trip, and it helped that he wouldn’t feel any pressure to talk. Still, he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to be around anyone right now. As he dwelled in his thoughts, Fluttershy turned her head and finally noticed him. She smiled, and silently waved for him to join her. He took a step back, hesitating for a few seconds. He looked to the trees he just came from, wondering if she might mind if he simply walked away. He turned back, and she was still smiling. Macintosh tried to smile back, but he couldn’t. Instead he walked towards her. Coming closer, he finally saw what she was using the bread for. Fluttershy was throwing crumbs to a large fish. Though one that he had never seen before. It’s pale white body was thin and elongated though it’s bright red and orange speckled fins swirled around it like drapery. Where its fins met its body was a touch of dark iridescent blue. It reached its head out of the surface of the water to eat the breadcrumbs and when it was done with them would splash the surface of the water to ask for more. After staring for so long, Big Macintosh couldn’t hold his tongue any longer. “What kind of fish is it?” His whisper spooked the creature and with a splash it swam into the deeper depths of the lake. “Oh, don’t be scared,” Fluttershy whispered to the water’s surface. She waited a few seconds and when the fish didn’t come back she turned towards Macintosh with a small smile. “I’m not sure, I’ve never seen one before. They might be really rare. I think she’s scared of noises.” Macintosh nodded. Right now, staying quiet was something he could do wholeheartedly. He rested, on his stomach, on the cool sand and watched the small ebb and flow of the lake water. He was right. The silence with Fluttershy was an easy one. There was no need to flirt, or debate, or brag. He could just…exist along with his thoughts. A good thing, since he never had to think more in his life. The thoughts ran unhindered. What did it mean when Applejack told him to focus on his own life? His life was the farm, his life was his family, wasn’t that enough? Not for Applejack obviously. Still, he practically spent his whole life in the apple orchard providing for his loved ones. What was he supposed to do now? It was all just so confusing. To work towards everything Sweet Apple Acres was today only to be dismissed like a paid farmhand, and not a pony that gave himself to the dirt. A small splash took him out of his head. Macintosh raised his eyes towards the lake and saw a curtain of red and orange. The fins separated to reveal the pure white body of the fish. Fluttershy smiled and silently tossed a couple of breadcrumbs into the water. It seemed to scare the creature, disappearing once again below the surface, but soon the crumbs vanished as well. Seconds later the it appeared again, and she splashed at the water for more. From the corner of his eye Big Mac saw Fluttershy’s hoof come towards him and drop a piece of bread beside him. He looked at it and then to her, and she responded with a shy smile. His expression remained unchanged as he broke off a crumb and tossed it towards the colorful fish. The two ponies stayed beside the water and threw breadcrumbs for a while after that. Big Macintosh was surprised by how much the fish could eat. She almost ate the whole loaf. Only a bit of crust was left before, with another splash, she went back to the depths of Paradise Loch. Macintosh was a bit glad to see something so beautiful, even if he really couldn’t show it. With the fish gone the pair returned to a comfortable silence. He didn’t know how long they stayed there, only that he didn’t mind being there. Feeding the fish seemed to calm him down quite a bit, and his thoughts were a bit lighter. Maybe he should talk to Applejack again, and ask her what she meant when she said all those things. That’s all he needed, a good talk with his sister. There was no way she meant what she said, but getting a moment alone with her would be a problem with all the ponies on the trip. “What’s wrong?” Fluttershy asked quietly. He contemplated the question longer than any pony really should have. “You still thinkin’ about the Squall?” he asked. “Oh…uh,” she started, her voice getting softer until it faded completely. She could only nod. Macintosh looked over at her, and his eyes met hers. They were watering. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “What if…what if I had asked for help sooner?” she said with a sniff. The words came out in a rush, eager to get out. “If I went to Twilight and you as soon as I thought something was really wrong then maybe he would have…made it, and…and…” Her voice stuck to her throat, and tears began to fall down her cheeks. Big Macintosh didn’t hesitate and brought a gentle hoof to rub her back. Fluttershy didn’t seem to mind and leaned against his side, wiping her eyes against his shoulder. He stayed still. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. I know crying won’t help but I could have done more…” she said before burying her face in his coat once again. Macintosh spoke only after she calmed down a bit. “It’s a’right, Fluttershy,” he whispered, his hoof still rubbing her back. “Ya only did what ya thought was right. Celestia knows that’s all Ah ever try ta do.” Fluttershy looked up to meet his eyes, and he had to look away and stare at their reflection in the water. “We can only do our best. Sometimes it ain’t enough. When that happens all we can do is learn from it, and hope we do better next time we’re needed.” She nodded and leaned her head against his shoulder. “I guess so. I just wish I knew then what I know now.” Macintosh nodded. “You an’ me both.” The pair resumed their silence. At one point Big Macintosh dipped a hoof into the water and idly splashed the surface. How strange to see something like the colorful fish at the loch. Well, when he thought about it, he supposed that it wasn’t the fact that he saw it that was so surprising, only that he saw it for the first time. After visiting Paradise Loch so many times he would’ve thought he might have seen it before at least once. Then again those trips were a long time ago. He guessed some things were easy to miss if you didn’t know what to look for. “Fluttershy?” Macintosh whispered. “Yes?” she said, looking up at him, but still he avoided her eyes. “You sure you never saw a fish like that before?” he asked. “I’m sure. I’ve taken care of a lot of animals, and I know I’ve never seen it before.” “Ah bet,” he said. “You know Ah sometimes hear a big ruckus over by yer cottage even over by the fields.” “Oh,” Fluttershy squeaked, a blush forming on her cheeks. “There’s, um, a lot of animals at my house. The ones that I’m taking care of and the ones that visit me too.” She gave him a soft smile. “Must be hard to have so many animals there all the time,” he said. “Oh, they don’t stay very long, I always release them when they get better. It’s...hard sometimes though.” “Really?” he asked. She nodded. “I want to keep them and make sure they’re safe and they have everything they need. But I can’t. They don’t belong in a small cottage, and I know I couldn’t handle taking care of them all. It’s better to just let them go.” “Must be hard to say goodbye,” he said. “Oh no, it’s not goodbye. They visit me sometimes and I see them around the forest. So it’s not all bad.” Macintosh nodded. He was prepared to go back to peaceful silence, but this time it only lasted a few minutes. “Um…Big Macintosh?” Fluttershy whispered. “Eeyup?” “Do, uh, you know the way back to camp? I got lost when I was looking for someplace quiet.” Big Macintosh paused for a moment. “But yer a pegasus.” “I... I know. I was going to fly to find my way back but since you’re here I can just ask you.” He pointed a hoof toward his left. “Just keep goin’ that way, shouldn’t take ya more than a ten minute trot.” “Oh, thank you,” she said with a smile. “Would you, um, come with me? I mean, if that’s okay.” He had to think about it for a minute. Time spent quiet had helped him calm down quite a bit, and, after what Applejack told him, trying to spend some time with his sisters didn’t seem like his biggest problem anymore. Not to mention Rarity. He didn’t even want to think about what that mare would do to him. Still, there was no running away from it. There was nothing he could do, he just needed to be ready to face everything and anything. “Eeyup,” he said. Fluttershy smiled at him and stood up, Big Macintosh quickly following suit. The walk back to camp was peaceful, and he made sure to go at a slower pace than usual. She didn’t seem to mind. The peace couldn’t last forever, and soon the trees thinned away and gave way to the flat plain of grass that was their campsite. Big Macintosh quickly looked for Applejack and saw her by the now lit fire pit. A tripod of thick iron stood over the fire. A cast iron pot hung from it, and she was busy stirring its contents. It was now or never, and if he wanted to talk to her, now was the perfect time. So with a determined gait he started walking up to her, only to have a purple, curled mane block his way. “Macintosh, sweetie, can we talk for a moment?” Rarity said without her usual confidence. Her eyes were focused on her right hoof idly scratching at the dirt. A quick sideways glance every once and a while was the only eye contact she gave him. Big Macintosh wasn’t exactly sure if it was all an act or not. He ran a hoof through his mane as his eyes went back to Applejack. She had left her post beside the cooking pot to stand a few feet away from the two, watching them intently with a grin that was a bit too wide for his comfort. But Applejack wasn’t the only one getting ready for a show. Rainbow Dash watched them from atop a cloud. If she was trying to be inconspicuous she failed utterly. Mostly because she lowered the cloud to ground level a few inches beside them. Rarity and Macintosh even watched as she levitated downward. Pinkie Pie, meanwhile, stood beside the cloud, munching on some kettlecorn. Fluttershy had joined Spike and a reading Twilight by the fire pit. All three were trying to mind their own business. All three failed. Fluttershy looked from the corner of her eye, and Twilight’s gaze would drift away from her book every once and a while. Spike, meanwhile, probably hadn’t learned much about discretion and simply stared at them from behind the cooking pot. The Cutie Mark Crusaders watched them from the lakes shore. Their coats were still dripping wet as they rested on the sand, hoping to be dried by the quickly setting sun. Macintosh shook his head slightly. They should have gotten out of the water earlier. Wasn’t anyone watching them? “Perhaps we should go somewhere more private,” Rarity said as her eyes drifted to the ponies surrounding them. “We can talk later,” Big Macintosh said, ignoring the stares. “Get your towels and help me dry up the fillies before they catch a cold or somethin’.” He walked past her and towards the lake, and a few moments later Rarity was right beside him with a few towels levitating beside her. “All right Macintosh, but I would really like to speak with you,” she said. Big Macintosh grunted his response. He snatched a towel out of the air with his teeth and trotted up to Applebloom. She yelped in surprise as he dropped the towel completely over her. Not soon after, Rarity appeared beside him, handed a towel to Scootaloo, and started drying off her sister, much to the little one’s irritation. “Rarity, I can do it,” Sweetie Belle said as she struggled against her sister’s magic. “You’re embarrassing me!” “Nonsense,” Rarity said. “You’re lucky Macintosh noticed you three or else you would all be spending the rest of the camping trip with a cold.” Her words didn’t do anything to stop Sweetie Belle’s struggling, but Rarity managed to dry her quickly and even managed to levitate a brush towards them and start tidying her sister’s mane. Big Macintosh wasn’t having any more luck dealing with his own sister. “Hey! Ah’m old enough ta do it myself,” Applebloom said as her brother started toweling her off. Macintosh sighed and removed his hoof from the towel. “Ah know,” he said, and took a step back. He was about to walk away when an orange hoof held out a towel towards him. “Done,” Scootaloo said as her mane still dripped water. He rubbed his temple. “No, you ain’t. Hold still,” he said before grabbing the towel and began drying her mane. She didn’t struggle and allowed the towel to do its job. After a few minutes he removed the towel and ran a hoof through her mane to make sure it was completely dry. “How ‘bout now?” Scootaloo asked. “Eeyup. Now get on outta here before Rarity puts a brush to ya,” he said. Scootaloo nodded. She looked to her friends beside her, also ready to go, and all three trotted towards the fire pit where Applejack was back to stirring the pot for dinner. Her eyes, however, were still looking in Rarity and Big Macintosh’s direction. None of them really stopped paying attention to them. It was unnerving to have so many pairs of eyes on them, to say the least. “So about that talk,” Rarity said. Big Macintosh nodded. “C’mon, we can probably be left alone in the woods.” He walked towards the tree line with Rarity joining him. They were silent as they strolled beneath the branches. Only when they were well out of eyesight and earshot did Rarity trot in front of him to speak. “Macintosh, I would like to apologize,” she said. “It’s fine, Rarity.” “No it’s not,” she insisted with a stomp of her hoof. “I was incredibly rude to you and said some things I shouldn’t have.” She sighed and looked to the ground. “At first I was angry at you for shouting at me, but I suppose my needless complaining wore on your nerves. Especially when you were pulling that heavy wagon.” She paused to shake her head and meet his eyes. “I’m sorry, Macintosh, I truly am. You were kind enough to invite me along even though it wasn’t your ideal situation, and I was such a-“ “Rarity,” Macintosh interrupted her with a raised hoof. “Ah said it’s fine.” He turned around and made his way back to camp. Rarity sighed in relief as she trotted to catch up to him. “Good, I’m glad I was able to get that off my chest.” She smiled but Big Macintosh ignored her and kept his eyes on the trees in front of him. A few seconds of silence passed before she broke it once again. “So Macintosh, now that we’re clearing the air is there anything you would like to say?” “Nnope.” “Are you absolutely sure? You did say some rather…unflattering things to me,” Rarity said, her eyes narrowing. Big Macintosh stopped walking for a moment and brought a hoof to his chin in thought. “Nnope.” Rarity rolled her eyes. “All right, perhaps if I start. Macintosh, I’m very sorry that I called you an oaf.” “It’s fine,” he said. “Good. Now, would you like to apologize for anything?” Macintosh knew what she was getting at, just not exactly what part she wanted an apology for. “Alright, Ah give up. What did Ah call ya that offended ya so much?” “You called me a snob,” Rarity said matter-of-factly. “That’s what yer so worked up about?” he asked, honestly surprised. “Heck, Ah’ve heard Applejack call ya that dozens of times, and maybe Rainbow Dash a couple more. Ah think even the Mayor-“ “I don’t care if they called me a snob,” Rarity interrupted. “I care that you called me a snob.” “Why?” he asked. “Um, well,” Rarity stuttered. “Does it really matter?” “Ah think it does,” Big Macintosh said. Rarity broke eye contact once again. Big Macintosh, however, kept looking at her with his half-lidded gaze. She tried not to look at him, but would cast him a sideways glance now and again. Finally, she couldn’t avoid the question any longer. “Okay fine,” she said with a sigh. “When Applejack or Rainbow call me a snob I know they’re saying it lightheartedly. They don’t really mean it. But when you said it, and with such anger behind it, I felt—I feared that you were putting me on the same tier as Blueblood and every other rich pony that might disregard you simply because of where you came from or how you speak, and not realize how charming or intelligent you truly are. It’s not a comparison I like to encourage, especially since it’s one that so many ponies are eager to make.” Macintosh nodded and continued walking towards camp. “Still not sure why you would care so much about what Ah think.” “Well I do,” Rarity said beside him. “So will you apologize?” Macintosh thought for a moment. Of course he would, he just wish that it didn’t seem as if he didn’t really have a choice anyway. “Ah’m sorry Ah called ya a snob.” “Apology accepted,” she said with a smile as she stepped a bit closer to him. “Ah still think you’re prissy, though,” Macintosh added. “That’s fine,” Rarity said. “I still think you’re stubborn.” “That’s fine.” She smiled at him. Big Macintosh liked her smile when there wasn’t any flirting behind it. It was just a genuine smile that showed genuine care. Without a word, she inched closer to him. He didn’t mind it...this time. “Say Rarity, mind if Ah ask why ya wanted ta come along on this trip?” Macintosh asked. Rarity didn’t answer for a few moments, her eyes focused on the passing trees. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but my relationship with Sweetie Belle isn’t exactly…we’re not as close as you and Applejack are to Applebloom. I was hoping I could use this trip to bond a little and perhaps stop fighting so much with Sweetie. I know it sounds a bit silly.” Macintosh sighed as he kicked a small rock out of his way. “Ya know Ah saw ya durin’ the Sisterhooves Social all that time ago. If ya ask me Sweetie Belle’s lucky ta have ya. Yer as close to yer sister as Ah am with mine. Doesn’t matter if ya always get along or not. Heck, Ah remember when Applebloom got really mad at me and told me she hated me. Damn near broke my heart.” “Oh?” Rarity said, looking at him with a shocked expression. “I just can’t imagine her saying that to you. What were you two arguing about?” He tried to think back, but nothing ever came to him. He was positive that it had happened, he just couldn’t seem to place a time for it. “Ah forgot,” he finally said. “Ah just remember her saying it.” Rarity nodded and the subject was dropped. Soon the pair found themselves outside the woods and back at the edge of camp. Macintosh sighed in relief as the talk with Rarity had come to a conclusive end. He looked off towards the horizon. The sun was close to setting now, only an hour or two until it disappeared completely. Thankfully, the cold wouldn’t set for a couple of hours after that. “Hey you two,” Applejack called from the firepit, “y’all better get some grub before everypony else eats it all.” Everyone else was indeed sitting around the fire eating their fill of what Applejack had made. By the smell of it, Big Macintosh figured she made chili; a campfire classic. He looked at his sister as she ate with her friends, talked with them, and laughed with them. It was a strange bitter kind of happy he felt. He was happy that she had such good friends. He was happy that she had found a life outside the farm. He was happy that his sister had everything she could ever want. He just wished it hadn’t cost him their relationship as brother and sister. She was all grown up now. Maybe she really didn’t need him anymore. Maybe neither of his sisters did. Nevertheless he couldn’t help but feel a little tug at his heart. A longing for the way things were so many years ago. When it came down to it, he still needed them. He shook the thoughts away. No, that couldn’t be right. Of course his sisters still needed him. Just because Applejack said it doesn’t mean she was right. He just needed to talk to her and make her realize that. “Go on ahead,” he said to Rarity before turning back towards the woods. “Ah need ta… grab more firewood.” “You’re not eating?” she asked. “Nnope. A meal of beans, mushrooms, and tomatoes ain’t the best thing to eat in a camp full of mares,” he said. “You... probably have a point,” Rarity said. She gave him a wave and headed for the campfire. He didn’t go far into the woods, only far enough to be out of their sight. He placed himself by the shore, resting on his stomach. His hoof splashed against the water’s surface, hoping to call that colorful fish to him. Seeing it again might make him feel better. It certainly did the last time he saw it. It never appeared. For the first time Big Macintosh didn’t want to think about anything. He suddenly felt tired, and all he wanted to do was get some sleep. He rested his head on his forelegs, and tried to shut his eyes. His thoughts, however, kept him awake. He wondered if Applejack resented the choice he made. No, that wasn’t right. Back then it was work the farm or let it go under, sell the land for chickenfeed, and move in with his aunt, uncle, and Braeburn in Apploosa. Not much of a choice. Did he sacrifice spending time with his family? Yes, he did. But it meant giving them what they needed. If Applejack couldn’t see that then... Macintosh sighed and took in a deep breath to ease his mind. It started to get dark now, the sun now almost completely hidden by the horizon over the lake. He took another breath and as he did he smelled the last thing he wanted to smell: sugar and vanilla. “Hey Macky!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed happily as she appeared with a hop beside him. “Ow,” she said after the small action, placing a hoof on her stomach. She lay next to him and rolled on her back, rubbing her distended stomach. “I think I ate too much.” Big Macintosh closed his eyes as he tried to get some sleep, but it was useless. So without opening them he decided to get into a conversation with her. Maybe her rambling could lull him to sleep. “Pinkie, Ah’ve seen ya eat a whole cake no problem. You tellin’ me my sister’s chili is too much for ya?” “Uh-huh,” Pinkie said. “Sweets are light, but this feels like I ate yummy cement. Now my stomach hurts.” Macintosh sighed and lifted a hoof to rub her stomach. She cried out in surprise, but relaxed once she realized what he was doing. After a few seconds both ponies heard an intense gurgling from her gut, and Pinkie Pie’s forehooves shot up to cover her mouth. She couldn’t contain it, and a fierce belch erupted from her. Big Macintosh removed his hoof and shuffled around a bit to get the most comfortable. Finally the belch stopped, and Pinkie smiled in relief. “Ah! Much better,” she said with a laugh. “Thanks, Macky.” He grunted, and waited for her inevitable ramblings, but they never came. A bit surprised and tired of waiting, Macintosh opened an eye to see if she had left. She hadn’t. She was staring at him as she rubbed her chin. Sighing, he shut his eye once again and tried his best to ignore her. She didn’t make it easy. When Macintosh felt a poofy mane at the crook of his neck his eyes snapped open. Pinkie Pie had her ear to his chest, forcing him to raise his head to get his chin as far away from her as it could get. Pinkie placed her front hooves on his shoulders and shook him. “What in the hay are ya doin?” he asked. Pinkie stepped away from him. She wasn’t smiling. “Checking for rocks,” she said. She constantly plodded her hooves against the ground, anxious to do something but unsure what. Macintosh sighed. “Ya wanna know how ta make me feel better?” Pinkie’s face immediately lit up, and she shook her head so hard he was sure it would fall off. He brought his head back to rest on his forelegs. “Sit beside me and talk. Keep talkin’ and don’t stop ‘til Ah say so ‘cause Ah don’t feel like talkin’ back.” “Okie dokie lokie,” Pinkie said with a smile before coming to sit beside him. She faced the lake and started talking. Big Macintosh drifted in and out, listening to her voice. He still couldn’t sleep, but he didn’t mind so much now. For once her voice was better than silence. He couldn’t hear his thoughts when she rambled. “…and then it landed right on my hoof so I couldn’t mail the letter to my sisters for a whole week!” Big Macintosh’s ear twitched. He opened his eyes and turned to face her. “Ya never told me ya had sisters.” “I didn’t? Oh! I guess I didn’t. But I do. Two of them. So anyway, I finally went to the post office and-“ “Ah’ve never seen ‘em,” he said. “Oh, well, they moved off the rock farm few years ago, but they don’t visit Ponyville much,” she said. “So where are they now?” he asked. “Hmm, Blinkie’s in Manehattan University getting her doctorate in psychology and Inkie’s theatre troupe is performing in Trottingham this month,” Pinkie said with a smile. Big Macintosh looked at her for a few moments. “How often do ya get to see ‘em?” Pinkie Pie hummed in thought. “Maybe a couple of times a year, I guess. Blinkie’s really busy writing and studying and stuff, and Inkie’s always performing. But I always make sure to send them lots of letters and cakes and pies and cupcakes, and they always send something back. Inkie sends stuff from the cities her troupe performs in, and Blinkie sends copies of magazines that published her stuff.” She giggled. “I always give those to Twilight.” He was silent for a few moments to take everything in. “Don’t ya ever miss ‘em?” he asked. “Ah don’t think Ah’d… Don’t ya ever want ta see them more often?” “Of course I miss them,” Pinkie Pie said, “and sure I’d like to see them more. But I know that they’re doing what they love and it makes them happy, so I’m happy. Even if I can’t throw them parties as much as I want.” Big Macintosh sighed as he rested his head once again. “Pinkie, Ah take back what Ah said. Ah sorta want everythin’ ta be quiet for a bit. That alright with ya?” Pinkie nodded. “Sure, I can do that.” Despite what she said, she still fidgeted a bit as she lay silently next to him. He didn’t mind so much, busy as he was in his thoughts. He wondered at his mood. One minute he wanted her to talk and the next he wanted her to be quiet. One minute he wanted to be alone and the next he didn’t. He chalked it up to stress. The sun finally completed its arc across the sky when Big Macintosh decided he had enough of thinking. And this time he meant it. The first few stars began to twinkle above them, and a cold breeze ran through the two ponies and the leaves above. He knew it would soon get even colder. “Let’s head back ta camp,” he said as he stood up, and Pinkie Pie did as well. “Are the rocks gone?” she asked as the two started walking through the woods. “Eeyup,” he lied. Pinkie’s grin faltered until it was a sad smile, one that he couldn’t stand. “Don’t worry ‘bout me Pinkie, Ah just need some time alone ta think.” Pinkie gave him a smile that told him she didn’t really believe him. They were silent the rest of the way. Once they got out of the trees and into the campsite Big Macintosh immediately walked off to where his sleeping bag was apart from the rest of the camp. He ignored everyone else discussing the sleeping arrangements as he grabbed the bags of gravel and rocks and moved them farther away to allow him to spread his bedroll to its full size. A few lumps could be seen beneath it. “I know you like work, but did you have to pack one of your fields with you?” Rainbow Dash said as he approached him with a grin. Big Macintosh grunted as he unzipped his sleeping bag and opened it fully, revealing eight thick blankets folded neatly within. He grabbed each one and placed them on the ground. Grabbing the first, he unfolded it and placed it on top to completely cover his sleeping bag. Rainbow Dash seemed to get the hint and walked away to leave him to his preparations. Macintosh managed to place another layer of cotton and wool atop his sleeping bag and yet another. His hope to be alone started to rise only to quickly fall as Rainbow appeared once again with her own bedroll and started to unroll it beside his. “So, uh, how cold does it get over here?” she asked. He ignored her and continued to place blanket upon blanket on his sleeping bag. When all eight had been used, he grabbed one end of his sleeping bag and doubled it over once again. With a quick zip he was done, and his sleeping bag had practically tripled in size. Despite the layers inside, there was still plenty of room for Macintosh to sleep inside and still have more than enough space to move around. Only once he was done did he look up to find that he and Rainbow were the only ones still outside, the rest inside one of the massive tents Rarity and Applejack brought along. “Alright, what’s the deal? You’ve been blowing me off all day,” Rainbow Dash suddenly said. Big Macintosh grunted in annoyance before turning his head towards her. “What the heck are ya talkin’ about?” “You know what I mean,” she said, taking a few steps towards him. “Like when you told me Applejack said she could beat me at hoof wrasslin’ just so you could get rid of me. You know how many times I’ve used that? I invented that. And when you kept complaining when I’d land on you, like you didn’t even want me there.” “Well Ah beg yer pardon if Ah don’t feel like bein’ a pegasi perch. Was it too much trouble for ya to just land next ta me or something?” “Well I’m sorry if I thought we were close enough that you wouldn’t mind, and I thought we were close enough that if you didn’t want to hang out then you could just tell me you didn’t want to hang out,” she said with a glare. He returned it. “We’ve only been spendin’ time together a couple of months. Ah don’t think that’s enough ta be close.” “Yeah sure, normally. But think about what went on in those two months. You stopped me when I couldn’t do it myself, we spent time in a hospital together, we played cards, went to a spa, not to mention the whole thing with the old applecart, and you called me your…sister.” She whispered that last word. Big Macintosh took a step back and turned away from her, his cheeks burning. “That ain’t the sorta thing ya say out loud.” Rainbow Dash looked away as well, her cheeks tinged red. “I know. But it helps with what I’m talking about. I don’t know. It sort of feels like you’d take it back if you could.” “Ah wouldn’t,” he said quickly. “Ah just…gotta a lot to think about, Dash, and...” he trailed off. He wanted to say that sisters were the last thing he wanted to think about right now, but he couldn’t. She nodded. “Then just say so. You had me thinking I did something to piss you off,” she said. He didn’t comment. The atmosphere around the two ponies seemed to relax quite a bit. “You know,” she whispered, “I wouldn’t mind talking about it if it makes you feel better. I mean, sure I’m not the best when it comes to this sort of stuff but…” she trailed off, and Macintosh tried to smile. He couldn’t. “Thanks, but I want ta do this alone for now,” he said. He tried to stifle a yawn and looked at his sleeping bag. “Hopefully after a good night’s sleep.” He removed his harness and placed it beside his bed for the night. “Yeah, I hear you,” Rainbow said as she got into her sleeping bag. Macintosh noticed how thin it looked. “You sure yer gonna be alright with just that? Ya might wanna get inside one of the tents.” “Nah, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it,” she said. He shrugged and squirmed into his thickly layered sleeping bag. The extra blankets provided a warm enclosure, and he sighed in comfort and relief from the cold. Despite what she said, Macintosh couldn’t help but look over at Rainbow Dash every minute or so. It was around the eighth time that he looked when the last embers of the fire pit died away into ash, and a cold wind began to blow. The temperature didn’t fare any better as the night went on. He knew the coldest point of the night had arrived when his breath became visible and blew away into the night. Finally, he saw what he expected all along as Rainbow Dash violently shivered within her bedroll. Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately), Mac’s own sleeping arrangements provided plenty of warmth. “Get inside one of the tents, Dash,” he said. “I’m fine,” she said through her clattering teeth. “I’m tough enough.” Macintosh ran a hoof through his mane. Sometimes dealing with the stubborn mare tried his patience. He tried his best to come up with an idea. It didn’t take long. “I know,” he said, “but Ah’m not. Ah ain’t so tough an’ heartless ta let one of my sister’s best friends freeze to death right next to me.” Rainbow looked over at him with a quirked eyebrow and red cheeks, and he knew he was on the right track. “Pretty selfish of ya ta put me through somethin’ like that, and after all that talk about how close we were.” Rainbow looked down at the grass, her eyes narrowed in thought. After a few seconds she moved out of her bedroll, but instead of heading for the tents she headed for him. “Scoot over,” she said. Instead, Macintosh started to get out of the sleeping bag completely. Before he could, Rainbow placed a hoof on his head to keep him still. “Where you going? I just said to scoot over.” He easily batted her hoof away. “No offense, Dash, but Ah ain’t too comfortable sharing a sleepin’ bag with ya, or any mare for that matter.” She laughed. “So you rather share a tent with, like, three or four of them?” “Nnope,” he said, as he got out completely and suppressed a shiver from the sudden chill, “but I figure Ah can use yer sleeping bag. Shouldn’t be much trouble.” “So after all that talk of not being tough enough to see me out in the cold you’re going to do the same thing to me?” “Eeyup,” Macintosh said as he went over to Rainbow Dash’s sleeping bag and draped it over himself like a blanket. She stared at him for a few moments, and he could see the gears in her head turning. “You know what happens when you break a Pinkie Promise?” she asked as she went inside his sleeping bag. Macintosh yawned, trying his best to seem uninterested in both her talk and the biting cold. “What?” “Let’s just say that it’s so bad that I didn’t tell Pinkie and Applejack about the bags of rocks I unloaded. You’re lucky to have such a great friend like me. A friend that would keep you from getting into trouble,” Rainbow said with a smirk. “A friend that ain’t got a problem with blackmailing me?” Macintosh said. “You said it, not me,” said Rainbow, still smirking. Big Macintosh didn’t know how bad breaking a Pinkie Promise would be, but he did know how angry Applejack would get if she found out. The last thing he wanted was to face that again, especially after what had happened that afternoon. With a sigh he stood back up, the sleeping bag falling to the floor, and got into his own alongside Rainbow Dash. There was plenty of room, which unfortunately meant that he couldn’t use his bedroll’s size as an excuse to get out. He promised to bring a smaller bedroll next time. “So why did you put those bags of rocks on the cart?” Rainbow asked. “You’re not the kind that shows off.” “It wasn’t to show off,” Macintosh said as he folded his forelegs in front of him and rested his head. “Do we gotta talk about this?” Rainbow shrugged. “I just want to know. I mean, Applejack’s tough enough to pull the cart on her own. No real point in making it heavier.” Macintosh closed his eyes. “Just ‘cause she’s tough doesn’t mean she has ta use it all the time. She helped save Equestria more times than Ah got hooves. Least Ah can do is pull a dang cart,” he whispered. He felt her press her side against his. “C’mon Mac, the way you say it it’s like you think that’s all your good for,” she said with a small laugh. He didn’t say anything more, and just tried his best to get to sleep. After a few moments Rainbow spoke again. “You know that’s not true, right?” “Eeyup,” Macintosh said, “Ah make a pretty nice perch, Ah hear.” “Damn straight,” Rainbow Dash said with a laugh as she half-leapt and half-crawled on top of him. He remained motionless, though thoroughly annoyed, and allowed her to rest on him. She yawned loudly. “Comfy,” she said. Macintosh groaned quietly. “Wouldn’t a cloud be softer?” “Well yeah, but a cloud doesn’t, uh,” she stopped. He turned his head to try to get a better look at her but he couldn’t twist his neck far enough. He settled with simply waiting for her to go on. “You, uh…breathe,” she finally said. “Ah what?” he asked. “You breathe,” Rainbow Dash said again. “And the sound kind of helps me sleep. Like when we were in the hospital. I couldn’t sleep until I started listening to you. And then there was the time at the spa. Sure the massage made me sleepy, but once Rarity stopped chattering I listened to your breathing again and fell asleep. Then when you carried me home on your back I…well you get the point.” Macintosh sighed as he rested he head again. “Ah don’t think Ah do. What’s me breathin’ gotta do with you bein’ comfortable?” “I, uh...” Rainbow didn’t answer for a few minutes. “It just makes me feel like I’m not...completely...” She groaned in frustration and tapped her hoof against his shoulder. “Look, when I was little I...” He shook his head. “Ah get it, so stop before ya hurt yourself. Now if ya don’t mind can ya get off of me?” he said quietly. She paused before finally falling off of him. As soon as she did, Macintosh rolled onto his back and gazed upwards. “Ah won’t mind if ya happen ta nap on me every once in a while, but try not ta over do it. Like right now. Ah like ta be on my back when Ah’m sleepin’ outside, Ah get a better view of the stars,” Big Macintosh said. Rainbow Dash looked at him before rolling over on her back as well. The small and slow clicks of crickets whispered all around them as Big Macintosh stared at the billions and billions of stars lighting up the sky. Much more than could ever be seen even at Sweet Apple Acres. The sky was absolutely clear of any obtrusion; cloudless and moonless. It took up his entire sight, and absolutely none of the earth could be seen. It was as if he was floating in the vast expanse. It surrounded him, making him feel so small. In the never-ending sky his problems didn’t seem so important anymore, and for a few seconds he almost forgot about everything that had happened. He actually felt a little better. Soon Rainbow Dash rolled to her side toward Macintosh and fell asleep beside him. She nuzzled up against his side. His muscles tensed against her touch. Slowly, so as to not wake her, he squirmed away from her to the other side of the sleeping bag. To no avail, as Rainbow Dash simply moved to close the gap. This time bringing her wing to drape over him. Enough was enough; he couldn’t sleep like this. He gently moved the wing aside with a sigh, and eased his way out of the sleeping bag. He instantly felt the brisk chill of night, and looked around for any sort of sleeping arrangements he could find. Rainbow’s sleeping bag was still on the ground in a clump, but there was no way it would provide enough warmth. He would be up all night shivering, and the last thing he wanted was to wake up with a cold and everyone pestering him with questions about his health. He looked over at the tents. Maybe they had some blankets he could borrow. Any at all would help, but he would hate to wake them up at this hour. Still, it was either that or getting back in the sleeping bag with Rainbow Dash. No offense to the mare but... He shook his head and made his way towards the tents. Stopping in front of the two tents he stood silent. He didn’t know who was in which tent, and maybe he would be lucky enough for someone to still be awake. Relief swept over him as he heard a voice coming from the smaller tent. Leave it to fillies to stay up and talk to each other. He approached the tent and was about to tap on the closed flap, but stopped when he heard his name mentioned. “So when are you an’ Mac gettin’ hitched?” He recognized Applejack’s voice, and soon after came Rarity’s. “How many times do I have to tell you there’s absolutely nothing between us?” “That ain’t what my sister and yer sister said.” “Well, Applejack, I assure you that they’re quite mistaken.” “Aw heck, ya ain’t gotta be so formal. You can just call me ‘sis’.” “Applejack!” He heard laughter, mostly Applejack’s along with a small chuckle from what sounded like Twilight. “Hey Pinkie, you feeling okay, sugarcube?” Applejack asked. “You ain’t laughin’ as much as usual.” “I don’t think Mac is happy,” Pinkie said. Applejack sighed. “Tell me somthin’ Ah don’t know. Ya shouldn’t feel bad about it. Heck, ain’t it kinda like the time ya tried ta help that donkey? Cranky, Ah think.” “This isn’t like that at all!” Pinkie said. “Cranky was grumpy, but that’s just how he was. Even when I found Matilda for him he was still grumpy, but he was happy too, so I was happy. Macky is happy sometimes, and when he is he’s really, really fun, but when he’s sad or angry he’s...not fun.” Her voice fell to a whisper. “I just wish he was happy all the time so he could be fun all the time.” “Ah want that too, sugarcube. But when it comes to that stallion time’s the only friend ya got. He ain’t the kind to change at the drop of a bit.” “I’ll say,” Twilight said, “I’ve been trying to get him to understand his own intelligence, but it’s like he doesn’t care about anything if it’s not farm work.” “Agreed,” Rarity said. “I couldn’t believe how much he knew about art when I took him to Canterlot. He even impressed Fancy Pants. Why, with that confidence, and if he were to really set his mind to it, I’m sure he would hold his own against any of the Canterlot elite.” “He knows all that. He just...doesn’t care.” “I know that, Applejack,” Twilight said. “What I want to know is why. Why doesn’t he care about anything else besides Sweet Apple Acres?” “Okay look, Ah’ll tell ya but,” Applejack paused for a brief moment, “y’all gotta promise me that you won’t say a thing to Big Macintosh about it.” They all gave their promises, and Applejack continued. “The thing ya gotta understand ‘bout my brother is that, well, things were different when he was a colt. He read a lot of books, he had a wagon-load of friends, and he was fun all the time. But then our parents... left. Me an’ Applebloom were too young to work on the farm, Granny Smith was too old, and everypony else in our family had farms and businesses of their own to take care of...” Applejack trailed off and the tent became silent. Macintosh took a step back. He hoped and prayed that Applejack wouldn’t go on, that she would shut her big mouth and leave it be. The last thing he wanted was for them to know. He thought of leaving, of going far away where he couldn’t hear, but that wouldn’t change anything. Instead, he held his breath and prepared for the worst. “So that only left Macintosh,” Twilight said. “Yeah,” Applejack whispered. “I don’t understand,” Rarity said, “he changed simply because he worked on the farm?” “He didn’t just work on the farm, Rare,” Applejack said, “he gave his life to it. Sweet Apple Acres was nowhere near as big as it is today, but it was still too big for a single pony to handle. He quit school, stopped playing with his friends, started waking up before sunrise, and worked the farm for the whole day. Sometimes he wouldn’t get to bed ‘til the middle of the night and only get a couple hours of sleep before the day started all over again.” Applejack sniffed, and he heard her voice waver just a bit. “Those were tough days for everypony.” “But you’re old enough to help out around the farm and so is Applebloom. So why does he insist on spending so much time working?” Twilight asked. “If anything, these past few weeks have shown how little he has to work on at the farm. Sure, he’s not working as many hours as he did when he was little, but it still seems like a lot of his time is spent on Sweet Apple Acres.” “Ah know,” Applejack said. “Maybe he just doesn’t feel like there’s anything else he needs to do.” She sighed. “Ah was kinda hopin’ that spending time with y’all would help out that stubborn stallion, least then something good woulda come from me tryin’ ta pull that dang applecart, but it doesn’t seem to be workin’ out.” “Don’t worry, Applejack,” Rarity said, “it’s just as you said. All we need is a bit more time. It’s not as if it’s any trouble. I actually quite enjoy spending time with him.” “Yer blushing.” “I am not!” Their voices died away as Macintosh walked toward the lake. Why did Applejack have to tell them all that? She didn’t even get the story right, and had left out his aunt, uncle, and cousin Braeburn. Not that either version was any better. Now he had to endure their looks of pity, as if he was some puppy with a hurt paw. What business did they have with how he was when he was a colt? He shook his head. No point in thinking about it now. The only thing he could do was pretend nothing had happened and avoid their eyes. Maybe in a few weeks they’ll forget about the whole thing. He looked down at his reflection on the lake. Did his eyes always seem so tired? Did his frown always look so permanent? How idiotic he had been. Of course Pinkie would see how sad he was when his face made it so clear. He tried to smile just like he used to so long ago, before he had been injured. That smile was too lopsided. That one was too toothy. That one was too big. That one was too small. Finally, after trying on so many different smiles he found one that didn’t look so fake. There wasn’t any point in a pony like her worrying about a pony like him. He wasn’t worth it. He would pretend to be happy so that she wouldn’t be so sad. It was the least he could do. Not to mention how his new found smile might make him seem less... pathetic. Maybe then things could go back to the way they were, and maybe then they would all stop caring. He went back to Dash’s thin sleeping bag and once again draped it across himself like a blanket. He tried his best to lie down and get some sleep, but his mind kept going back to what Twilight had said. She was right, these past couple of months have proven how unnecessary he was. While it was true that the farm, and by extension his family, still needed him around, it wasn’t enough for him to actually feel as if he contributed to anything. If he was lucky he would still be needed to plow the fields. If not then the best he could hope for was pulling and pushing things to their place. He closed his eyes, trying again to get some sleep. This time, it was Dash’s breathing that kept him up. He would never tell her this, but he liked her breathing as well. At least, he used to. It had reminded him of home and of his little sisters. Now it just reminded him of how much he didn’t matter anymore. Big Macintosh waited for morning, knowing full well he wasn’t going to sleep tonight. He shivered beneath his meager blanket, despite his best attempts to suppress it. Finally, the cold and Dash’s breath became too much for him. He rose, allowing the sleeping bag to fall off him, and went to the fire pit. A small pile of tinder and firewood stood beside the pit, and beside that was a piece of flint and steel along with a small bucket of water. He started a fire and stared at the orange and red glow casting shadows across the circle of rocks. The fire remained small, small enough to have a mug cover and extinguish it. He didn’t want it to wake up anyone else at camp. He kept to his silent vigil for the rest of the night, every so often tending to the flame. At least he could take care of that. -*- Big Macintosh tapped the wooden spoon against the edge of the cast iron pot, making sure every bit of apple cinnamon oatmeal came cleanly off. He doused the fire with a bit of water, and with a yawn he fetched a few clean bowls and spoons to set beside the pot. “Hey Mac, yer up early,” Applejack said with a yawn as she came up to stand on the other side of the fire pit. She brought her nose to the oatmeal and took a deep sniff. “Smells good.” “Eeyup,” he said with his practiced smile. He tried his best not to look so tired, but there was no way he could hide the bags under his eyes. He turned around, his back towards his sister, not only to hide his exhaustion but to escape the large group that would soon come. “Ah’m gonna go lie by the shore.” “You ain’t gonna eat?” she called after him. “Ah a’ready did,” he lied. As Macintosh rested on the sand other campers got out of their tents little by little. They said their good mornings to each other and sat down to eat. They chatted a bit, and he did his best not to hear. He had enough of that last night. He hadn’t rested for long when they finished their meal and Applejack called out to him and beckoned him over. He swallowed a sigh, smiled, and went toward them. “Eeyup?” he asked as he joined the group of ten. They had all finished eating and had stacked their bowls inside the now empty pot, ready to be washed. The Apple family always had a rule when it came to cooking: The pony that cooks it, cleans it. Macintosh was sure he’d have fun scraping the dried flecks of food off of everything. It helped that last night’s chili was probably as much of a pain to clean. “Some of our campers here have questions about when we’re headin’ home,” Applejack said. He nodded, though all the while kept his eyes on the fire pit. “We’re headin’ home ‘round two in the afternoon,” he said. “That’ll give us ‘bout six hours ta swim and hike and such, an hour ta pack everythin’, and still give us plenty of time to get the fillies home early enough ta get ready for school tomorrow.” “Macintosh, sweetie, can we take a few breaks on the way this time?” Rarity asked. “Ah suppose so. Ain’t like we gotta get there before the sun gets too hot. Anythin’ else?” “Can we go on a hike, big brother?” Applebloom asked. Big Macintosh felt a bit of hope well up in his chest, but he quickly snuffed it out. He had learned by now that when she said ‘we’ it meant her, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle. “Eeyup,” he said, “who else is comin’ along?” he asked. “I would,” Twilight said, “but Fluttershy told be about a rare species of fish she’s found and I wanted to study it for a while.” “I’ll go,” Pinkie Pie said, “...is what I would say if Applejack wasn’t teaching me how to make a cobbler over a campfire. If we’re lucky we can eat it before we go home!” “I think I’ll stay behind. I’m not much for hiking, you understand,” Rarity said. “I’ll stay here too,” Spike chimed in. “Count me in,” Rainbow Dash said as she walked to stand beside Big Macintosh. He couldn’t help but notice that she stood close enough for their sides to gently touch each other. He looked at her, and her eyes met his. She took a small step away from him, though not without flicking her tail against his flank. She turned towards the three foals. “You little fillies are in luck,” Rainbow said. “You’re going to spend time with the first and fourth, or maybe fifth, coolest ponies in Ponyville.” “C’mon now, Dash, ya ain’t gotta be so hard on yerself. You’d make third in my book,” he said dryly, and she gave him a playful smirk. “On second thought, I think I will come along,” Rarity said before coming to stand on Macintosh’s free side. “You just said it wasn’t your thing, like, a few seconds ago,” Rainbow Dash said. “Well, sometimes it’s good for one to step out of their comfort zone,” came Rarity’s reply. Macintosh ignored them and turned to Spike. “Ah guess yer comin’ too?” he asked him. “You read my mind,” Spike answered as he went to stand by Rarity. Macintosh nodded and then turned towards his baby sister and their friends. “Maybe one of ya will get yer hiking cutie mark,” he said with a smile. Their faces lit up and they let out their usual cheer. “Let me just wash these dishes an’ we’ll head out.” “Don’t worry about ‘em,” Applejack said. “Ah’m sure these fillies wanna get goin’ as soon as possible. Besides, Ah need the pot ta show Pinkie the cobbler recipe.” “You sure?” he asked, his eyes trailing to the mess of a pot and bowls. “Ah’m sure,” she said. “Now get goin’. The sooner ya come back the more time y’all have for swimming. Ah’m sure you three wouldn’t wanna miss that,” she told the Cutie Mark Crusaders. “Yeah,” Sweetie Belle said, “maybe we could come back before it gets hot, and then cool off in the lake.” “Sounds good,” Scootaloo said. “Then what are we waitin’ for, c’mon big brother,” Applebloom added. Macintosh smiled as he walked forward. “A’right, a’right.” The other six followed him as he entered the woods. He didn’t follow a path, instead going by pure memory. Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo didn’t keep a straight path along the farmpony. Instead, they used the hike to explore every single plant and flower they could find. They zigzagged through the trees, all the while under the watchful eyes of their elders. Finally they ran out of energy and decided to slow down and walk beside the others. “What kind of tree is that?” Scootaloo asked as she pointed to one of the hundreds of trees. “Oak,” Macintosh said. “And that one,” she asked, pointing to another. “Oak,” he said. “What about that one?” “Oak.” “Are all the trees here oak?” Scootaloo asked. “Not all of ‘em,” Macintosh said as he took a quick look at the trees surrounding them. “That one right there’s a redwood, an’ that one’s a pine, an’ that one’s a fir. Ya can tell by the shape and color of the trunk an’ leaves.” “So where are we goin’, big brother?” Applebloom asked. “Ah’m takin’ y’all to one of my favorite places in Paradise Woods, but ya gotta keep it a secret ya hear,” he said. “Wow,” Sweetie Belle said, “is it something like a cavern full of gems?” “That used to be horded by a dragon?” Scootaloo added. “That you forced ta go away like Fluttershy and Applejack did that one time?” Applebloom asked. “Hey, don’t forget me,” Rainbow Dash said, “I totally wore that dragon down so Fluttershy could do her thing.” “That’s not how I remember it,” Rarity said with a smile. “Then maybe I should refresh your memory,” Rainbow said. Macintosh interrupted their conversation before it could escalate. “Nah, it ain’t anythin’ like that. It’s just an interestin’ place to me.” His ear twitched as he heard the quiet babble of flowing water. “We’re close.” “Close to what?” Sweetie Belle asked. “To that,” Macintosh said as he pointed a hoof to a small river. It flowed in the direction they were heading, gently and calmly. The water was clear, allowing the ponies to see the shallow bottom. “Huh,” Scootaloo said, “is this the river that feeds the lake?” “Nnope, it’s just a tributary,” Macintosh said as he began to walk beside the river. “What’s a tributary?” Applebloom asked. “It’s a river that flows into another river,” Sweetie Belle answered. “How the hay did you know that?” Scootaloo asked. “Because I didn’t fall asleep when Miss Cheerilee was teaching us everything about rivers, lakes, and oceans,” Sweete Belle said with a proud smile before turning to him. “Big Macintosh, do you know where the headwaters are?” she asked, giving her friends a smirk as she did. Macintosh smiled and playfully mussed up her mane, which Rarity quickly fixed with a bit of magic. “There’s an underground spring a few dozen miles upstream. Ya ever think that maybe you’ll get a potamology cutie mark?” “Wait,” Applebloom said, “so what does that mean?” She turned towards Sweetie Belle, who simply shrugged. “It means the study of rivers, sugarcube,” Macintosh said. “An’ before y’all ask, Ah read it in a book.” “Oh?” Rarity said, “Do you read books often, Macintosh?” No sooner had she asked when the group came upon a junction where their river met with another, much larger and faster flowing one. Macintosh thanked Celestia as he changed the subject. “Now keep far away from the edges. Last thing Ah wanna do is jump in after ya.” Macintosh stood at the junction and quietly turned in place, taking in the surroundings. He finally saw a thickening of the woods in the near distance and started walking towards it, safely away from the fast flowing waters. Everything became dark as more of the sun was blocked by the boughs above. It only lasted a few yards, however, and soon the woods thinned out once again. Sudden gasps and exclamations of amazement emanated from the group as they finally approached their destination. “There it is,” Macintosh said as they approached the foot of the tree. It’s roots were a gnarled mass that rose and fell out and into the ground like sea serpents. Some were probably as thick as a pony’s middle. They had to be, since the tree itself was a giant that stretched higher than any other in the woods. Its trunk wide enough that if all seven of them tried to surround it they would only go about halfway around, and its foliage provided enough shade for a whole other tree to stand in. “Geez, trees shouldn’t be that big,” Rainbow Dash said. “That’s like somepony seein’ you fly and sayin’ pegasi shouldn’t go that fast,” Macintosh said. Rainbow hummed in thought for a moment. “Good point.” “Some of these roots make their own caves,” Scootaloo called from below one of the roots that bent and combined with others so that it really did look like a shallow cavern, though only barely big enough for the filly to fit in. Rarity and Spike, meanwhile, were circling around the trunk. “It certainly does have that aged wisdom quality, and the wood is such a warm and beautiful auburn. I think I’ll peel off some bark as a color reference.” Her horn glowed but Macintosh quickly interrupted her. “Don’t,” he said. “What?” Rarity asked. “Ah said don’t,” he repeated, more firmly this time. “If yer gonna peel bark peel it from any of the other trees around here.” “Why?” she asked He ignored her and began to make his way through the roots to get closer to the tree trunk. When he got to its base he leaned his side against the cold wood and sunk to the ground with a sigh. The full brunt of his fatigue finally caught up with him. Thankfully, being near this tree filled him with calm. It must have been hundreds of years old. With that perspective, his problems didn’t seem so big anymore. For once he actually felt as if he could fall asleep. Rainbow Dash was content with testing her balance as she walked on top of the thicker roots and jumped from one to the other. Meanwhile, the Cutie Mark Crusaders played tag with the added challenge of navigating the chaotic terrain. Big Macintosh smiled, a real one, as he watched them at play; jumping, ducking, and rolling around. A part of him wished that he were young enough to join them. There was no way he could traverse the root system so easily at his current size. Soon they had stopped playing tag and were now talking amongst themselves. Every so often they would turn to look at him, only to quickly look away once they realized how obvious they were being. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what they were talking about. “Hey Mac,” Rainbow Dash called as she flew a bit above him, “would you mind if I, you know,” she said with a smile. “Not in front of my sister, she might get the wrong idea,” he said. “Yeah, I hear ya,” Rainbow said as she landed beside him. “You know Applebloom and Sweetie Belle told me you and Rarity were going to get married?” Macintosh rolled his eyes. “You too? Ah gotta set those fillies straight before it gets outta hand.” He pursed his lips and whistled, catching the three’s attention. He waved to bring them over. “So it’s not true?” Rainbow asked while the fillies walked over to them. “Course it ain’t,” he said. “That’s a relief,” she said with a smirk. “No offense, but I don’t think you two would last.” Before Macintosh could respond the Cutie Mark Crusaders sat in front of him, diverting his attention. “Ya called us, big brother?” Applebloom said. “Eeyup. Now what’s this Ah hear about you an’ Sweetie Belle tellin’ ponies that me an’ Rarity are gettin’ married?” “Aren’t ya?” Applebloom asked. “Yeah,” Sweetie Belle added, “I thought you were after what happened at Rarity’s house.” “Ah know it looked that way, but did any of ya think ta ask if it was true before ya started tellin’ other ponies?” Sweetie Belle looked at the ground. “No…” “Well if ya didn’t ask for the truth and just started talkin’ without making sure then all yer doin’ is gossiping. And Ah ain’t gotta remind ya what happened last time ya gossiped, right?” Big Macintosh asked. The two fillies immediately took a step back from him and avoided making eye contact. “That’s what Ah thought. It was an honest mistake this time so Ah ain’t mad, but Ah want y’all to know that there ain’t anythin’ between me and Miss Rarity. Understand?” Applebloom and Sweetie Belle nodded, and Macintosh gave them a soft smile. “A’right, now go back ta yer playing. We’re gonna be leavin’ in a while, so get yer fill so ya don’t bug me to stay longer.” “Okay, big brother,” Applebloom said as she turned back. “Sorry, Big Macintosh,” Sweetie Belle said before following her friend. “I’ll be right there you guys,” Scootaloo called after them before looking up at Big Macintosh. “What is it, sugarcube,” the farmpony asked gently. “Um,” Scootaloo hesitated, “so you and Rarity really aren’t getting married?” “That’s what he said,” Rainbow Dash said before he could speak. “Why? Jealous?” she asked with a smirk. “No!” the filly quickly said. “Applebloom and Sweetie Belle were talking about how great it would be being sisters and I was sorta...left out.” “I wouldn’t worry about that,” Rainbow said with a dismissive wave of her hoof. “your friends wouldn’t just leave you hanging like that. Just tell ‘em you feel left out and they’ll get it, trust me.” “I guess you’re right,” Scootaloo said. “Of course I’m right,” Rainbow said. “Besides, even if they were getting married and Sweetie and Applebloom were going to be sisters, all you would have to do is go to Big Macintosh and ask him if you can be his little sister.” “Dash!” Big Macintosh said, and Rainbow just laughed. “What? Like you’d say no?” He shook his head and turned to Scootaloo. “Listen sugarcube, even if Applebloom and Sweetie Belle did become sisters that wouldn’t mean ya gotta be my little sister to fit in with ‘em. Heck, Ah’m sure you a’ready got an older sibling-” “I don’t,” Scootaloo interrupted. “Well then Ah’m sure yer parents are enough trouble for ya,” Mac said. “Ain’t no reason to bring a sibling into it. Sure their fun ta have but they can be a pain in the neck sometimes.” “I...” Scootaloo whispered, “I guess so, but my parents aren’t really around that much, so I think it’d be kind of cool to have a brother or sister. I mean, I’ve never gone camping like this before and it’s really fun. I wish I could do it more often.” Rainbow nodded. “Yeah, I know what it’s like when parents aren’t around. But hey, at least you have some great friends right, and like I said, if you ever want a big brother you could always ask Mac here,” she said with a smirk toward him. Big Macintosh glared back before addressing the filly. “Now what’s this about your parents?” he asked. “C’mon Mac, you should know, right?” Rainbow said. “Parents are too busy to pay any attention to you, so you just hang back and do your own thing. Right, Scootaloo?” “Uh-huh,” she said. “My parents are always working, and sometimes I don’t even see them until late at night.” “That doesn’t sound like much of a problem,” Macintosh said. “Yer parents work hard to make sure ya have everythin’ ya need. You ain’t starving or homeless, so Ah think they’re doing an okay job.” “Well yeah, sure,” Rainbow Dash said, “but if they’re working so hard that they can’t spend any time with their kid then what’s the point? I’m sure they don’t need to work that hard to make sure Scootaloo’s okay. Even if they did, they could probably work around it if they really wanted to.” “Yeah,” Scootaloo chimed in, “I know they love me and everything. I just wish they spent more time with me.” Big Macintosh leaned his head against the tree trunk and closed his eyes as memories started rushing to mind. Memories of times when a young Applejack wanted to play a game like hide and seek or play with her lasso with him. Memories of times when Applebloom would ask him to help her and her friends with a crusade. The answer was always the same: he was too busy. Soon they asked less and less until they stopped altogether. He chose this, didn’t he? He willingly gave up the chance to be with his sisters. Maybe he really did cast them aside. But wasn’t it for a good cause? Wasn’t it so that they would have everything they needed? Maybe what they had needed, much like what Scootaloo needed now, was to be with the ponies they loved. “Mac? You feeling okay?” Rainbow Dash asked. He opened his eyes and saw her staring at him. He didn’t answer her and instead turned towards Scootaloo. “Scootaloo,” he said quietly, “all yer parents want is ta make ya happy. Tell ‘em what you told me an’ Dash an’ they’ll do their best to give ya what ya want,” Macintosh said. “But...what if they don’t?” Scootaloo asked, still unconvinced. Macintosh raised his head and leaned it towards the filly, and in a quiet voice said, “Then you come talk to me, an’ Ah’ll go talk to them. An’ Ah promise ya that when we’re finished talkin’ they’ll want ta spend as much time with ya as ya want them to.” Scootaloo smiled. “Thanks Big Macintosh. I think I’ll go back to playing with Sweetie Belle and Applebloom.” With that she turned around and walked to rejoin her friends. He watched her go until he felt a warm cheek rub against his. He looked over at Rainbow Dash, smiling at him. “I wish you were around when I was little,” she said. Big Macintosh stood up and stretched for a few seconds. “No, ya really wouldn’t. Ah don’t think...” he stopped. He couldn’t say it out loud. He couldn’t say how much he doubted whether he had done the right thing for all those years. Maybe he wasn’t as good a brother as he thought. “C’mon, it’s about time we get goin’,” he said. Rainbow looked at him, a bit confused, and nodded before taking to the air. He walked off through the roots, and he spotted Rarity and Spike not to far ahead. “We’re headin’ back,” Macintosh said as he approached them. “Perfect timing,” Rarity said happily. “I’ll have plenty of time to rest before we leave.” He nodded and led the way back towards camp. The walk was mostly filled with the Cutie Mark Crusaders talking amongst themselves. About halfway back Rarity and Rainbow Dash got into some sort of argument. Macintosh couldn’t bring himself to care, too preoccupied with his thoughts. The group returned to camp in a mess of conversation, Macintosh part of none of it. The tents had been taken down and stored away. Everything else they brought had been put away as well, and all their gear was piled by the wagon ready to be loaded. The only things left to pack were his sleeping bag and the six sacks of rocks, all left secluded away from camp. Applejack and Pinkie Pie were around the fire pit, tasting something from the pot. Judging by how fast Pinkie was guzzling it down the cobbler had been a rousing success. Macintosh doubted anyone else would get a taste. Fluttershy, meanwhile, was about wing-deep in the lake, leisurely standing in the cool water. He looked up at the sky and saw the sun a little lower than its highest point, but it would get there soon. He turned to the fillies. “Y’all have a couple of hours to swim if ya want. Just make sure ya don’t head too far into the lake.” They cheered and headed for the shoreline. “Swimming sounds pretty good right now,” Rainbow Dash said as she headed in the same direction. “And I think I’ll take the chance to soak my hooves,” Rarity said. Big Macintosh was left alone. He walked towards his sleeping bag, unzipped it, spread it out, and got started folding the blankets. After a few minutes his bedroll was neatly rolled at his hooves. He lifted it up to take it to the wagon when he saw his harness underneath. Macintosh brought a hoof to his neck and found that he truly hadn’t been wearing it all morning. He dropped his sleeping bag and, with a sigh, slipped the harness on his neck. It felt heavier than usual. He picked up his sleeping bag again and walked toward the wagon where Applejack was rummaging through the gear and making sure nothing was missing. “Need any help?” he asked. “Sure,” Applejack said. She started loading the gear into the wagon and Big Macintosh did his part as well. “So did ya have fun?” “Eeyup,” he said, “but Ah gotta tell ya your friends are easier ta take one at a time than all at once.” Applejack nodded. “Ah want ya to think of them as your friends too, Mac.” “Ah can’t. No matter how much time Ah spend with ‘em Ah don’t think Ah’ll ever think of them as my friends. No offense to ‘em, Ah just think ya got a pretty strong claim to ‘em.” “Just give it some time, Ah’m sure you’ll think of them as yer friends after a while.” The two siblings were quiet after that, focusing instead on loading up the wagon. Big Macintosh kept wondering if he should use the opportunity to have that talk he wanted to have. It was a hard thing to admit, but he was scared of what she might say. Still, it was better to just get it over with. “Ah’ve been thinkin’ about what you said yesterday in the woods,” he said. “Have ya now?” “Eeyup. Ah just don’t really get what ya said, like how ya said ya don’t need me anymore, or that Ah should focus on my on life. What did ya mean?” She didn’t say anything for a few seconds, and piled a few more things onto the wagon before speaking. “Sometimes when Ah’m in Ponyville Ah get a pony or two asking how and what yer doin’, and Ah always say that yer workin’ hard on the farm. Ah’ve been givin’ that answer for as long as Ah can remember. Ah never say ‘he’s havin’ fun with his friends’, or ‘he’s on a trip ta Braytain like he’s always wanted’. It’s always ‘he’s workin’ hard on the farm’.” “What’s yer point,” he asked, genuinely confused. “C’mon Mac, all ya do is work. Ah worry that you don’t spend enough time off the farm to have fun and make friends.” “Workin’ the farm is plenty fun for me,” Macintosh said quickly. “It’s just,” he paused, “a different sorta fun.” “A less fun sorta fun,” Applejack said as she tossed the last bag into the wagon. “Ah ain’t askin’ ya ta stop workin’ altogether, but ya need to balance out yer life. Just have a little fun outside the farm, that’s all Ah’m askin’.” She placed a hoof on his shoulder and smiled. “C’mon, now that everything’s loaded up we can relax by the lake.” “You go on ahead, Ah wanna make sure we ain’t missin’ anything,” Macintosh said. Applejack’s smiled shrunk slightly before she nodded and headed to the shore to join her friends. Their friends. It still sounded strange. Macintosh went back to the six bags filled with rocks and gravel. He looked at them and then looked at the cart. With a small sigh he grabbed the first bag by its bottom and flipped it over, spilling its contents out to the ground. He did the same with the remaining five until he was left with a pile of dirt and six empty bags. He grabbed them and placed them in the wagon before going back to the pile of gravel and spreading it out amongst the grass. He didn’t feel much like joining everyone at the lake. He wanted to be alone to think. With lumbering steps, he headed for the woods. With any luck he could be left by himself at his secret place. Heck, maybe he would be lucky enough to see the red, orange, and white again. That would make him feel better. But he wasn’t that lucky. As he entered his little copse of sand he saw a purple unicorn jotting down notes as she lay on her stomach on the shore. He immediately turned around, but Twilight spotted him before he could get out of sight. “Hey Macintosh. Sorry, but that fish Fluttershy was talking about hasn’t shown up yet,” Twilight said. He held back a sigh and turned around to face her. “Eeyup,” he said quietly. He walked towards her and sat beside her, staring out into the lake. She raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong? I’m sure it’ll come before we have to leave. Fluttershy told me that they have fast metabolisms so they need to eat about seven times their body weight in a day, so I brought plenty of bread,” she said with a smile as she levitated a small loaf in the air for him to see. Macintosh took a quick glance before looking back at the surface of the water. “It ain’t that,” he said. “Then what is it?” Twilight asked. “If it’s a problem I’d be glad to help. That’s what friends are for, remember?” He ran a hoof through his mane. “You were right,” he said as he plopped down to rest on his stomach. “About what?” “About everything,” Macintosh whispered. “About my sisters not needin’ me anymore, an’ about how Ah can’t be a farmpony or a big brother anymore. You were right. Applejack practically told me so herself.” Twilight didn’t say anything for a few moments and started rubbing his shoulder. “That…must have been hard.” He didn’t say anything, so she continued. “Look on the bright side. At least now you can do other things beside farm. Like reading, making friends, and playing chess.” “Ah don’t want to do any of those things,” he said, “Ah just want to go back to the farm and work. It’s what Ah’m good at an’ it’s what makes me happy. Ah don’t see the point in-” “You don’t see the point in doing anything else because you wholeheartedly believe that working on the farm is your purpose. And doing anything else just feels like you’re not doing what you’re supposed to.” Big Macintosh was taken aback to say the least. He stared at her, and she scooted closer to him and placed a gentle hoof on his shoulder. “When I was in Canterlot, before I came to Ponyville, I thought I had everything I needed. I had my family, Spike, Princess Celestia, all the books I could read and all the time I needed to read them. I would go to the library every single day, only leaving to eat, sleep, visit my family, and things like that. “When the Princess sent me to Ponyville to check on the Summer Sun Celebration’s arrangements and to make friends I thought I was wasting my time. I thought that I was better off doing what I believed was my purpose. And you know the rest. I met your sister, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy, and I’ve never been happier. I realized that there’s more to life than purpose, Macintosh. If you don’t have anypony to share it with then…” she trailed off and looked at him. He avoided her gaze and kept looking at the lake. He hated to admit it, but she had a point. A really good one. Maybe it was time for him to go on his own journey just like she did. Still, even if he said that, it was hard to completely change a routine set for years and years. He just… “Ah’m going back to workin’ on the farm,” he said. “What? Macintosh, you’re taking a huge step backwards!” Twilight said. He shook his head. “Ah know it looks that way, but...” He paused to find the right words, frustrated when they never came. So he just settled on his best try. “You know Ah actually made a promise to myself to try one new thing a day a while back. Ah hate ta say it but Ah never really took it seriously. Ah wouldn’t always be injured, and Ah thought that by the time Ah went back to work Ah wouldn’t have to do something new every day, so why bother. Now Ah wonder what woulda happened if Ah did. Maybe this wouldn’t be so dang hard. “Either way, over the last couple of months Ah’ve been living a life that ain’t mine. Ah’ve been doing things Ah’d never do and not doing things Ah’d always do. My life’s changed more than Ah would’ve expected. And now that Ah’m finally well enough ta get back to how things were, Ah can’t. Now it feels like somepony just threw a ten thousand piece puzzle at my hooves and threw away the box before Ah could look at it. Ah just need time ta flip over all the pieces. To see what’s there, to see what ain’t, and to see what picture it’s tryin’ ta make.” Twilight sighed. “Alright, Macintosh, but I want you to promise me you won’t go back to staying on the farm all the time.” He grunted in annoyance. “Ah suppose ya want a Pinkie Promise?” “No, I want a Big Macintosh promise,” Twilight said with a small smile, and he returned it despite himself. “A’right, Ah promise.” “Good,” she said, and after a few moments of silence added, “You’ll be fine, Macintosh.” He nodded though he didn’t quite believe her. They remained silent for the rest of their time there. The fish never showed up, but neither of them really minded. They headed back to camp to find everyone ready to go. Macintosh surprised his sister by letting her pull the cart, and when she easily pulled it everyone simply attributed it to most of the food having been eaten on the trip. Rainbow Dash was the only one that knew the truth, and she gave him a quick wink as they headed out. Big Macintosh kept to the back this time, a bit away from the rest of the group. He kept his eyes on his hooves as, over time, his steps got slower and smaller, and bit by bit he was left farther and farther away from the rest. He didn’t notice that soon he was alone on the path. A few drops of rain fell to the dirt in front of his hooves. He looked up. There were no clouds.