Dagmire the discorded goes to Equestria

by Theboxcatgamr


One week of therapy later: A very dapper baskalisk and a guessing game

Dr.trauma quill was talking to what she was told was a victim of severe PTSD. She listened attentively as the creature began talking about one of his “adventures”.

“So imagine my and Stella’s surprise when the four horses of the apocalypse show up without the horse-men! We managed to get war to leave with Stella tricking it into thinking we were one of the horsemen. Imagine my surprise when suddenly a few hours later I was escorting the pale horse himself into a room. Honestly one of the best costumers I had in a while. He was very polite and-

patient showing signs of previous hallucinations and mania as he recounts the time that death itself had ended up aiding him on his quest to “save the world” it appears he fully believes this happened to him after his trauma. For now it will be good to simply keep him talking. the therapist wrote down as Dagmire talked. She took a sip of her coffee and asked Dagmire to continue as she mentally prepared herself for a long day.


Clearance was pacing (or slithering if you want to get technical) the halls with concerns for his friend. Dagmire had gone into therapy again. He was anxious and getting increasingly worried as every session seemed to last longer than the previous one. He needed a distraction. Thinking hard he thought about his friends and the ones he hadn’t quite helped yet. On that list only rarity and rainbow remained. Clearance set out to find something to do to alleviate his nerves.


As Clearance walked into the carousal boutique he caught the end of a conversation between Rarity, Twilight, Applejack and Rainbow dash

“-I'll make one for you and you and all of you. Oh! And of course Pinkie and Fluttershy too. Oh, and when I'm done, we can hold our very own fashion show!” Rarity said with stars in her eyes

“What a great idea! If you're sure you can handle it.” Twilight said

“Oh, it'll be a little bit of work, but it will be a wonderful boost for my business. Plus, fun!” Rarity said hopefully

“Mind if I get in on this Rarity?” Clearance asked hopefully

“Why not at all! I’d bet you would look absolutely dashing in a suit! Hmm... well what about Dagmire? I guess he is joining along?” Rarity said unsure of weather or not Dagmire is mentally well enough

“Nah Dagmire is still in therapy.” Clearance said

“Well alright... I think I have something for a gentlecolt like him...” Rarity said

“So all you have to do is make a different, stunning, original, amazing outfit for one, two, three, four, five... plus yourself, six ponies one...whatever Clearance is and a human lickety split?” Applejack asked concerned

Rarity sprung to work at a speed that was uncommon for the prim and proper unicorn. She was sewing and stitching many things at once with her magic as she sang a little song. Within the next hour the ponys and Clearance were instructed to come back inside the boutique as they were told to keep their eyes shut

“That's it. Keep them closed. Don't look...Okay, you can look now!” Rarity called

Everyone gasped at the designs

“These are your new outfits. What do you think of your old duds now, Applejack? Pretty swanky, are they not? And Twilight! I made this dress for you and I designed each outfit theme to perfectly reflect each pony's unique personality. Oh, it took me forever to get the colors right on this one, Rainbow Dash, but I did it. Oh, and it turned out beautiful, don't you think? And I know you are going to love yours, Fluttershy. It just sings spring! And Pinkie Pie, look! Pink! Your favorite! Aren't they all amazing?” Rarity finished with a pause to hear the reaction

“Wow... They're...” Twilight said but couldn’t finish

“Yeah, they're...” Rainbow said drawing a blank like Twilight

“They sure are... somethin'.” Applejack said trying to hide her frown

“Yes! Something.” Twilight said hastily

“I love something! Something is my favourite!...what about you Cleary?” Pinky asked attempting to change the subject

“I love it. Look at the texture on that! And the hole in the bottom! I can wear this easily!” Clearance said gratefully

This put a smile on Rarity’s face... until:

“Mine's just not as cool as I was imagining.” Rainbow said as blunt as snoop dog’s weed

“I guess what we're all saying is that they're just not what we had in mind.” Twilight said.

The rest of the group (except Clearance) agreed

“That's okay. Not a problem. There's plenty more where that came from. They were only a first pass. You're my friends and I want you to be 110% satisfied. Not to worry, I'll redo them.” Rarity said collecting the dresses while trying to hide her hurt expression

“No I’m happy with this! I’m good!” Clearance said while clinging to his dapper ensemble

“Alright. If your truly happy with it you can keep it.” Rarity said with a genuine smile

Clearance nodded and took his clothes and Dagmire’s suit while he headed home.


Clearance had come to the fashion show not necessarily because he was interested in fashion. (He only recently learned that his suit made him look something called dapper) but because his friends were performing in the show.

As the show went on Clearance saw designs of many shapes and sizes and to his surprise he was the only one clapping for most of them. Than the judge spoke

“Oh, those amateurish designs look like a piled-on mishmash of everything but a kitchen sink! It's a travesty is what it is. Those outfits are the ugliest things I've ever seen, oh for shame. Who is responsible for subjecting our eyes to these horrors? Not to mention wasting my valuable time. For Celestia’s sake that strange creature in the crowd is wearing a better design! And it’s a baskalisk!” She said while the spotlight focused on Clearance

“And that’s supposed to mean what?” Clearance snapped at the judge

Although he knew nothing about fashion Clearance knew all about insults and threats (especially after being on the receiving end of many)

“...nothing good sir! I’m simply complaining your unique ensemble. And now that I look closer the colours complement your scales quite well” she said focusing more on the suit than its occupant

“Why thank you!” Clearance said switching from hostile to friendly at the drop of a hat

“And just look at the material! I simply must know where you got it from!” She asked

“Well actually I got it from lady Rarity” Clearance said with pride

While Clearance was talking to the judge the other elements put on the original outfits Clearance retrieved from the trash and spike announced that the real show was starting.


“-And our rouge wouldn’t stop talking about how big his dick was so I told him to go use his dick like a lock pick if it was so big. He dropped his pants and actually stuck his thing into the lock of the chest...only to find it was a mimic! The party laughed as he tried to pull it out of the now pissed and trapped box! HaHa! Oh I miss the crazy guy!” Dagmire finished

“Oh. Well our time is up! If you need to talk again just call bye!” The therapist said as she shoved Dagmire out of her office.

“Ok. Thanks again doc!”

“No problem!” Dagmire said as his mask flashed and he disappeared

“Oh thank the heavens. I thought he was going to drive me mad!”

The door shut with a click and suddenly when she turned around another pony was on the couch

“...who are you?” The dr said

“Oh just somepony in need of information on a client of yours.” The pony said while standing up to their full height revealing holes in the pony’s legs.

“He’s tall, masked and most definitely a problem”

“Miss you need to leave-“

Suddenly a flash of green magic blasted the doctor and she was covered in a green cocoon

The attacker laughed at her prey and transformed into her until another flash of magic caused both the psychiatrist and the imposter to be caught in a straight-jacket.

Suddenly Dagmire turned around in the psychiatrist’s office chair dramatically

“Well. Dr.quill The turns have been tabled.” Dagmire said

“Oh thank Celestia! This imposter tried to kidnap me!” The changeling said

“What?! She’s lying!”

“Regardless of who’s real and fake don’t forget that I have you both by the metaphorical balls” Dagmire reminded them

“I’m going to ask a question. Whoever answers correctly wins freedom. I hope you remembered our session!”

“Can’t we do something else?” Both doctors said at the same time

“Ok. This is the tuna of Truth. It swims towards the truth. So I’m going to ask you a question and you should both answer.”

Before they could complain Dagmire began and the fish seemed to swim through the air like water

“Question one. What is the speed of an air laden swallow.” Dagmire asked

“What? We never-“ suddenly the imposter was interrupted by a fish slap.

“WRONG. Question two. Were you aware that the door I left from was made of glass and I actually know who the imposter is?”

Mimicking the fish of truth the imposter’s mouth dropped

“...no answer? Alright. Question three. Did you know that there is no dr trauma quill?” Dagmire asked the imposter as Stella took off her costume

“What? B-but I-“

“Your fucked. Your just fucked.”

The changeling had been caught hook line and sinker at its own game. It felt shame before being clocked in the back of the head and blacking out much to the dismay of the hive mind