You’re Fired!

by Twilight Glimmer


The Hayburger Restaurant

It was a warm, summer day, and a white pony with light brown and red hair was walking the busy streets of Ponyville. He had just moved there from Dodge Junction, and he needed a job. The stallion looked around, accidentally bumping into several things in the process. Then, he saw a Help Wanted sign hanging on the door to the local fast food restaurant. After examining the sign for several minutes, he was able to sound it out.

“Th-uh Huh-ay Buh-buh-ur-guh-er? The Hay-Burger? The Hay-Burger! I could get a job there!” he said joyfully. He pushed and pushed and pushed, but the door just wouldn’t open. “Maybe it’s broken,” he thought.

Then, a dark green unicorn walked up behind him and said sternly, “You pull the door open, genius.” She rolled her eyes and walked away.

Wow! This place is huge!” he thought as he slowly walked into the restaurant.

“Would you like a table?” asked the petite waitress holding a tray of burgers with her magic.

“Actually, I’m here for a job,” the stallion replied.

“Well, you’re in luck, we need a new fry cook, and the manager is getting desperate, (between you and me I don’t think she cares if hires one of the most dangerous villains in Equestria, the poor mare has been working herself to insanity trying to find someone to replace Silver Spatula).”

“She sounds like she needs some help. I like helping. Can I replace Silver Spatula? Pretty please with sprinkles on top?”

She waitress sighed and said, “Alright, I’ll go find her. Don’t stress yourself out over talking to her, she’s really chill, you’ll be fine.”

A pony with her royal blue hair done up in a messy bun walked out of the kitchen. Shee looked Knit Wit over and asked tiredly, “Can you cook?”

Knit Wit unsurely answered, “Uh, yes?”

The overworked mare nodded and said, “You’re hired. Go make some burgers, fry boy, the lunch rush is just starting!”

Knit Wit walked into the kitchen. There was this weird brack-scratcher next to a black table with dials. He picked it up, but he realized that it wouldn’t be nice to use that nice mare’s backscratcher without her permission. Then, he heard a stallion behind him snickering. “Are you the guy who’s going to replace Silver?” he asked.

“Yep! Do you think that manager lady will be okay if I use her backscratcher?”

The other stallion started laughing harder. “Do you seriously not know what that is?!” Knit Wit shook his head. “This is a spatula,” the other stallion said while holding up the contraption. He then walked over to the ‘black table’. “This is a grill,” he said condescendingly. He motioned towards the comically large freezer. “This is a freezer, we freeze the hay-meat in here. You take a patty from the freezer, put it on the grill, flip it with the spatula, put it on a bun, put some toppings on top of it, and put a bun on top of that. You got all that?”

Knit Wit was confused. None of the things that the nice man was talking about made sense, but he didn’t want his new friend to not like him anymore. So he just smiled and smiled and nodded exitedly.

“Okay then, give a holler if you need anything!” Shake said as he got back to work.

Knit Wit decided that he should probably start flipping burgers to make Shake proud. He went into the freezer, and was amazed at the size of it. “Wowy, this is the hugest freezer I ever saw!” Knit Wit thought as he walked through rows of frozen hay-patties.”My new job is amazing!

Suddenly, he heard a voice from outside. “Hey! Fry boy!” yelled the blue-haired mare. Knit Wit came out of the freezer, and smiled and waved to the mare like she was a famous pop star. “Get to work! We have orders piled up to next Tuesday!”

“Yes ma’am!” Knit Wit said as he grabbed an order card. “A sal-lad?What’s that? It’s that thing with the green leaves, right? Oh boy! I’ve always wanted to make one of those!” He grabbed a chef hat from the corner and put it on, then he turned on the grill.

Knit Wit cut up the lettuce quickly. He almost cut himself several times, but he was too focused on getting the customer’s order just right. He looked at the cut up lettuce, and proceeded to put it in a pan. He then took the pan and placed it on the grill. A few minutes later, the lettuce was dry and crumbly. “Perfect! I’m the bestest cook ever! he thought as he transferred the burnt lettuce into a bowl.


One could tell that the pony at table 9 was important from a mile away. He had a fancy tie on, professional looking glasses, and a distinct Canterlot accent that few ponies had, despite Canterlot being the most populated city in Equestria. One thing that most ponies didn’t know about him was that he had a quick temper and pushing his buttons was a bad idea.

“Here you are, sir!” Knit Wit said as he placed the ‘sal-lad’ in front of the pony.

“This isn’t what I ordered.” The stallion said with gritted teeth.

“What do you mean, sir? It’s a sal-lad. It’s what you put on the cute little note card.”

“I asked for a salad, not BURNT LETTUCE!

“I didn’t think that you would want to eat raw lettuce. I’m sorry sir!”

“Well I’m sorry that you’re a bucking moron!” The stallion’s shouting quickly alerted the manager.

“Is there a problem, sir?” asked the manager.

“Problem?! Yes, there’s a problem! This DUNDERHEAD burnt my salad!”

The manager was in shock. “You burnt his salad?!”

“I didn’t think that he wanted it raw. I’m sorry manager lady.”

”Get out of my restaurant! I’d rather have to find a whole new staff then have somepony work for me who BURNT A SALAD!”

“So I can come back tomorrow, right?” Knit Wit asked, clearly unaffected by his employer’s fit of rage.

“No! You can’t come back tomorrow. You’re fired! In fact, I’m going to BAN you from this restaurant. Forever!

“Aw, man!” Knit Wit said as he walked out. “Now I have to find a new job.”