"What a wonderful day for a picnic! We don't get enough of these! I'm glad I can enjoy it with you guys; I wouldn't have it any other way," Fluttershy spread a blanket across a grassy meadow.
"It is awesome outside; that's for sure! But like you said, the company is even better! Isn't that right Tank?" Dash pounded his shell. The tortoise stood proud in his custom aviators; still holding strong after Dash gifted them to him two years ago.
"I know you'll think I'm lame... But we are the cutest family ever!" Fluttershy giggled.
"Cutest... Nah... We're awesome! The two coolest mares... hay, ponies in all of Equestria! And our trusty animal companions!"
"Well... Let's get right to it Dashie! You can serve up the boys. I'm sure they will want to graze later as well. Let's see..." Fluttershy opened her saddlebags and placed various items on the blanket.
"Hit me up with a water Shy'! Tank too!"
Fluttershy tossed the pair a jug of water before reaching in the cooler for herself. "Angel, what would you like sweetie?"
The bunny replied with a dive into the cooler; hauling an energy drink outward. He sipped it several times before beginning to beg for food.
"Well, Dashie and I can get the food ready. Why don't you guys go graze for a little?" Fluttershy passed several items to Dash, who proceeded to organize them to the best of her ability. Tank and Angel, obliviously eager to explore the meadow, quickly took off.
The herbivores enjoyed a few select grass blades. Despite the massive speed barrier, they kept reasonably close; occasionally bickering to each other. "Dude... Tank!" Angel immediately stopped his grazing and attempted to get the attention of Tank.
"Yeah man?" Tank lifted his head from the grass.
"Look... At... Her..." The bunny's eyes opened several times their original size.
Tank directed his vision to Angel's suggestion. A small female bunny hopped in the distance. "Yeah... Your point?"
Angel's heartbeat nearly pierced his chest. "She's haaawt!"
"Uh... She look's just like you man, except she's silver and a little shorter. I can't really tell the difference."
"Are you kidding me? She's the most beautiful creature I have ever seen! My true love!"
"Come on man... You haven't even met her yet. Take it easy... And ignore the insult, but you're not exactly a charmer," Tank attempted to close in on the bunny, hoping to calm his nerves before they got the best of him.
"What do you know about ladies? You haven't talked to a single girl for a long... Actually I haven't ever see you do that! So quit telling me what to do!" Angel threw a pebble onto Tank's nose.
"Okay... You got me there. You do whatever you want, man. But be nice man... Try to be like our moms. They love each other a lot, okay... Be like that. Be like, kind and stuff."
"Having trouble with that sentence?" Angel began to dust off his fur. "How do I look?"
"Just like you do every other day,"
"Well, that's an awesome thing, cause' I'm always rocking my good looks! Watch how it's done, tortoise," Angel casually strode towards his new crush. Tank was perched on a rock, keeping a watchful eye over his brother.
"Hey. What's going on?" Angel tried to swag.
"Hi. Just grazing, you know. It's a great day for it." The female bunny's voice was pleasant and polite.
"Look, I just met you and this is crazy, but... We'll bang okay?" Angel found himself pummeled to the ground within a second of his remark.
Oh shell... What did he say? Tank made his way to the bunny; unsure of whether to apologize or flee.
"Stay away from me, you crazy bunny!" The female stomped him before scurrying away.
"Wait Miss! That's my brother! And I'm sorry! He doesn't think before he speaks!" The female ignored Tank's apology.
"Brother?" Angel was covered in dirt.
"Yes... With all the benefits and annoyances that come with it. Now, what the shell was that? I mean, I expected a slap... But getting beat up? What the shell man!" Tank attempted to bring the bunny to his feet.
"I just was flirting. I didn't say anything that bad."
"What did you say?"
"I told her I just met her and that it was crazy. I then said we'll bang okay?"
What? Please tell me you're kidding!"
"Nah bro. What, do you think she couldn't handle my awesome self? Cause that seems like the most possible explanation."
"Angel... Where did you here that? The pick-up line I mean."
"Well the first part is from a song that I heard on the radio..."
Tank interrupted him. "Now I remember! That song is awful! Please, never reference that song again. It needs to die. And the second part..."
"You know how we really liked Pony Effect 3?"
"Well... 95% of it, anyway. What's your point?"
"I was looking around on ponytube for Pony Effect videos and I found a really funny one where Commander Sparkle goes around saying those words. And it seemed to work for him!"
"Female Commander Sparkle is way cooler!" Tank noticed his distraction. "Sorry... But Angel! Really man? Do you even know what those words mean?"
"I thought it meant we would go to dinner or something like that."
"No! And you're way too immature to try to explain it! Just... Go back to our moms. We need to work on this. Like right after the picnic. I can't have you walking around saying stuff like that!" Tank led his brother back to the picnic.
Several different plates of homemade food covered the blanket when the pets reunited with their mothers. Rainbow Dash was resting against a tree trunk enjoying one of her signature naps. Fluttershy was spread across the blanket engulfed in a novel. "Hi sweeties! Mom is sleeping, so make sure you are quiet when you come over here. I'm glad you are back," Fluttershy greeted the pair. Angel dove into the food as usual; dishing himself a salad. Tank grabbed a chocolate chip cookie and munched on it.
"So when we get home, we are going to find somepony who's good with girls.. Cause' I can't help you. We need to correct your act. You will also need to apologize to that bunny," Tank attempted to reason with Angel.
"Not going to happen," Angel replied.
"It wasn't a question."
"What will happen if I don't accept?"
"I'll tell mama, and she'll give you The Stare!" Tank and Angel preferred to call Fluttershy "mama", contrasting Dash's "mom".
"Okay... It's just not worth it! Fine, I'll do it. But who's good with the ladies? I didn't know there was anyone better than me."
The pair's eyes met for several seconds before universally saying "Gummy."
Several hours after the picnic the pet pare made their way to Sugarcube corner in search of the toothless archosaur. Pinkie openly greeted the pair as they walked in. "Oh my gosh, Tank and Angel, how are Dashie and Fluttershy! Did you want a treat? Oh my gosh, it's so awesome to have you here!" Pinkie conjured several sweets for the pets.
"Alright!" Angel quickly gulped a cupcake.
"So why did you guys come here? I mean... Anything's fine! I always love seeing anypony!" Pinkie bounced. "Oh, I think I get it. You guys became friends with Gummy and you want to see him! Awesome!"
The pets nodded their heads.
"Okie-dokie-lokie! I'll go get him now! He'll be so excited!"
"You sure this will work?" Angel was on his second cupcake.
"Yeah. At least, I think it should. You'll be able to apologize to her. Celestia forbid, we might even be able to have you ask her out on a date."
"Why are you doing this for me Tank?"
"Cause' you're not a bad bunny. You're just really stupid."
"What's up?" Gummy was attached to Pinkie's tail by a bite; swinging back and fourth as the pink mare danced about.
"We need your help with something. Angel got himself into quite a mess," Tank said.
"Well... Alright. But what do you need me for?" Gummy released his grip and joined the pair.
"Alright Gummy, I will be in the kitchen baking some cake! Have fun play time! I will bring you guys snacks every 15 minutes!" Pinkie trotted to the bakery, leaving the trio alone.
"Remember how well you chatted up Opal and Winona during the party? Well, Angel tried something similar to a female bunny. And he got the crap kicked out of him. You should teach him how to talk to women so he can apologize and maybe ask her out on a date. Although, believe me, with what he said, the last thing might be off the table," Tank nudged the bunny forward.
"What did he say?" Gummy asked.
"Trust me, you don't want to know," Tank laughed.
"Well, okay. I guess I can show you a few things. But I'm not sure why you think I'm the best." Gummy said.
"Well, you know a lot more than I do. So just go with it, you know man?" Tank offered him a fist as a sign of cooperation.
"Deal," Gummy knocked his fist against Tank's.
"Okay, so the most important thing is to stay confident. See that alligator over there? I'm going to go talk to her. Just watch guys," Gummy tried his best to teach his pair, despite never having done such a thing before. The trio had followed Gummy into a local stream; hoping to find several alligators.
Gummy approached the alligator with a firm confident stride; carrying himself without a hint of distress. Tank knew it was natural to Gummy; the party pony's pet was always in a state of calm. "Hey. How's the water?"
"It's great! Climb on in! I haven't seen you around here... I think I'd remember a toothless gator!" A grin arose on the female alligator's face.
"Cool!" Gummy slid in. "I'm Gummy! I guess you already know why."
"Well, I'm Dagger Tooth. Don't worry, I'm not evil or anything!" She flashed her shiny teeth.
"You're just jealous of my gums. How about we settle this over a swimming race? First gator to that log wins!"
"You're on Gummy!"
"See guys, that was easy. No problem," Gummy returned after a quick converse with Dagger Tooth.
"Okay... I wrote everything down! I need to ask her to race!" Angel proudly held a notebook full of scribbles.
"No! Just be easy with it. Let the conversation flow. It's not different from talking to your brother or myself," Gummy corrected.
"Really?" Tank stood puzzled.
"Yeah... Why, what did you think it was?" Gummy laughed.
"Something a lot more complicated than that!" Tank replied.
"Angel, you've been quiet. You know what you to do?"
The bunny smiled in a manner similar to an evil genius. "Yeah... I got this..."
"Make it simple. Just go apologize and let it flow from there. Let her know that you are not a bad bunny," Gummy shook Angel's hand for good luck. "Be cool. You got this."
"And don't mention that horrible song! Time to nut up or shut up Angel" Tank cheered.
"There! That's three times you have stolen lines! Screw this, I'm off. No need to wish me luck boys, I got this in the bag," Angel boasted. He hopped to the female bunny; who was grazing in the same spot as the previous day.
"You again?" The female rose her fist.
"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know what I said. Hey... What's your name?"
"Ashtail."
"I'm Angel. Look Ashtail, I'm sorry for what I said. I really blew it!" Angel laughed. "I just wanted to let you know that I think you're really cool and I wanted to get to know you better. But I totally was a dork and I don't know how to talk to girls, so it's not gonna work. Anyways, keep being awesome! I'm sorry again!"
"Wait... Come here." Ashtail signaled Angel forward. He didn't hesitate to get close. "Look, if I date you once, will you leave me alone?"
Angel smacked himself in the face to assure himself he wasn't dreaming.
"What are you doing this friday? Wanna come and graze with me for a little bit?"
Angel's jaw dropped. "What..."
"See you then..." She closed in on him, winking her eye. As the distance thinned, she punched the bunny once in the face. "And that was for coming back! Don't keep me waiting!"
"What the shell just happened?" Both Tank and Gummy stood in silence for several minutes.
"Okay Angel. We get it! You got a date! Woo hoo! She'll probably just beat up the whole time!" Tank said, annoyed with Angel's boasting. The trio were enjoying a soda on the edges of the forest.
"She can beat me up anytime. I love a woman who can kick my flank!" Angel rolled in joy.
"Tank, you're up dude. It's your turn to get a date!" Gummy laughed.
"Ugh... Another time... Today was enough..."
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Okay, this was fun to write! I've had this idea for a while. And "We'll bang okay," is credit to Mans1ay3r (Warning, link is very dumb and offensive humor!) I also know I'm not the first one to use that line in a ponyfic. Others have done it much better. I just am not original I guess.
Gummy isn't a lady's man or anything; it's just that Tank and Angel are so bad at it that they seek him for advice. I do think he is awesome, so I guess it's possible.
Tell me what you think of this chapter! Good or bad? Any comment is good!
Tank will hopefully find a special somepony (Er... tortoise?) down the line :)
~Dino