Pinkie Pie opened the door to her room and stepped inside with a sigh.
Naturally, anybody that knew Pinkie knew that this kind of behavior was highly uncharacteristic of her, and Gummy looked up at her with a look of concern on his face.
Not many ponies would be able to distinguish his expression from his usual, unfocused appearance that he adopted when shutting out the world around him in order to think, but Pinkie Pie was among the few.
“Well Gummy, I got the ticket. Or, rather, I got 'A' ticket.”
You don't sound very happy. Were there complications?”
“Don't get me wrong...” said Pinkie hesitantly. “I'm relieved that everything turned out okay in the end... No thanks to me.”
Did your plan not work? You were certain that being honest with Twilight about your intentions would work because a good friend is honest.
“I certainly was honest... Honest about being selfish...”
Selfish?
“How about if I just tell you exactly what happened today, Gummy. I think it would make me feel a little better.”
Of course I shall listen.
When Pinkie had finished relaying her tale, she sighed once more.
“So, yeah... I wasn't at my best today. Thank you for listening Gummy. You're the best listener ever! In fact, I'm not quite so sad now, so I had better get started preparing for my next party!”
Pinkie trotted over to a desk against the wall. There were several folders on it of various hues. Next to the desk were three shelves stuffed with even more folders and binders and random bits of glitter and streamers.
“You know, I obviously can never have to many friends, but I must admit that I don't have quite enough space to keep track of everypony. Perhaps I will try to arrange something with the cakes! Oh, but I better not get ahead of myself. I only just got them to agree to let me run the store by myself. I can ask them about expanding the building later.”
Meanwhile, Gummy sat in place staring into space.
I understand why Twilight would be upset with Pinkie about selfishness. But I do not understand why Pinkie behind honest and direct with her intentions would anger her further! Would Twilight truly prefer that Pinkie hide her intentions behind the party?
Oh, of course she would have! If Pinkie had been subtle as Twilight desired, then the other party goers would not have gotten involved. Oh dear. It appears that sometimes honesty can hurt one's friends, although it only hurts them some of the time. If that is the case, then in order to ensure that one deals fairly with others, one must always weigh the consequences of being honest every time the opportunity presents itself. But even though that is clearly the only rational option, doing so must surely take far too long! The consequences of even two choices is just far too much to consider in good time!
Or is it? Now that I think upon it, it appears that other ponies must do it all the time, and make their decision in a mere moment! But I suppose that they must be much better at the social arts than myself. But how can I understand the social arts when I do not have an understanding of the foundational bricks that exist below it, metaphorically speaking? Should my goal be to serve my own whims, or should my goal be to serve others?
I was born with a goal in my nature. I have a goal to make myself happy. That seems to suggest that my goal is to serve myself. However, I have also discovered that making others happy results in making myself happy, as I do for Pinkie Pie on occasion. Thus, by performing a task that appears to serve others, I am in fact ultimately serving both myself and others.
Something occurs to me. I think I can pursue both goals simultaneously. But if it is true that I can adhere to both the goal of serving myself AND serving others, then that makes me wonder which goal I adhere to more strongly? Do I adhere to both in equal measure?
I don't think I adhere to both equally. I feel quite sure of it. And yet, I have no idea which of the two I adhere to more strongly. What a strange thing!
But... does it matter? Does it actually matter whether I know which I adhere to more strongly?
In the scenario where I value serving others more than serving myself, I would serve others, and by doing so, I serve myself.
In the scenario where I value serving myself more than serving others, I would... still serve others with the objective of selfishly achieving my own happiness.
Physically, the end result is no different. The only difference is my intentions.
I... I don't think that it matters. I may not know whether or not I am truly selfish or not, but it doesn't matter if I am or not because my actions are the same either way. At least, I think that they are...
Then... I know how I wish to live... But I don't quite understand why. That is irritating.
I wonder if anyone else has this problem. Until a moment ago, I believed that ponies all had the goal of helping others over helping themselves. But maybe some of them are facing the same dilemma as me and they just never admit it. Ponies are certainly capable of being selfish at times. Pinkie's story is proof of that. In fact, I think everyone involved was selfish except for Twilight. Maybe... maybe they are ALL facing this dilemma!
Gummy's eyes actually visibly widen.
Maybe most everyone goes through the motions of being selfless, but never actually figures out whether they are selfless or selfish, and then their time ends before they ever figure out, and everyone remembers someone who was selfless, but in truth didn't actually know whether they were selfless or not?
What a terrifying thought!
But, again, does it matter?
Does it matter?
Does it matter?...
Great, now I'm going to have this question stuck in my head for weeks, and probably no way of answering it.