//------------------------------// // A displaced? In my bar? it’s more likely than you think!: Dagmire the discorded tries to knock out a weeaboo before he blows up Ponyville // Story: Dagmire the discorded goes to Equestria // by Theboxcatgamr //------------------------------// The man looked at the menu and paused when he saw Dagmire’s staple drink “Snake beer?” “Yep. Really popular for those wanting to prank someone. Basically it’s a glass snake with brew in it. It’s made inside the snake and it’s enchanted to move around like a snake. If you want I can also pour it into a regular mug if drinking from a snake is too much.” Dagmire explains “Let’s cut to the real reason I’m here” the poorly dressed ninja said “Alright. I’ll ask the first question. How did you find my bar?” “Oh that was easy. I followed a chakra path through a glass window and it led to that staircase.” The man said “Ok. Well what’s your question?” “How did the merchant screw you over.” “Wait what? Oh. OH GOD FUCKING DAMM IT.” “What? Was it that bad?” “Yes and it happened quite recently. That fucker made it so any overpowered displaced can easily come over bend us over AND SKULL FUCK US!” Clearance interjected “Wait. Your not displaced? Where is-“ “We don’t have one. Just me.” Dagmire said “Well I’ll be the judge of that!” The spiky haired man exclaimed as he threw a giant throwing star at Dagmire. “...dude. What the fuck?” Dagmire calmly asked as the weapon got stopped by the bar rising up to protect its owners “What! B-but how!” The man said stuttering for absolutely no reason (unless he was somehow shocked and disturbed by “rising wood”...gigidy) “Ok first of all let’s start over. I’m Dagmire and I serve all who remain peaceful in my bar. And you are?” “Naruto” “Cool that tells me so much about who you are!” Dagmire said sarcastically “...you’re going to pay for that.” “Why? Why am I going to pay for that?” “IM NOT A BUCKING LOSER!” Naruto said while getting angry for no reason “What? When did I call you that?” Dagmire said trying to ignore the fact that Naruto used a pony swear word instead of a regular one “Rrrrrgggaaaaaaa!” The person screamed as he charged towards Dagmire “What the fuck is your deal!” “RASANGAN BARRAGE!” Dagmire was blasted through the wall behind him and the few ponys remaining in the streets scattered “Hehe. Gotcha!” Naruto said mockingly “(Welp it’s a man-child with the body of some ninja guy. Some guy needs to lay off the anime a bit)” Dagmire thought “Now your evil companion is next” Naruto said while suddenly feeling a chill up his spine. As Dagmire’s mask flashed and he teleported behind ”Bitch i think the fuck not” “N-Nani?” The ninja said before getting pile-drived through a table Dagmire quickly threw the displaced through a window and returned him to his own reality. “Oh thank fuck. If that guy didn’t act like a monologuing villain That could have been much worse” Dagmire said thankful for his Chaotic luck and for only partially cracking his skull “I think we may have to switch you back to a human to heal that. You know as well as I do about how hard it is to do surgery on a dragon-born.” Clearance said. Dagmire swapped masks and his form shifted to a human once more after ye olde blast of light. “Alright let’s get to the hospital” “Yay stitches!” “Let’s go.” “Wait. Unless we make one of those token things I doubt shit like this is going to stop.” “Your playing into your uncles hands.” Clearance advised “Well maybe he can learn to fuck right off. Anyway until we can find a better way to control my chaos we need to make sure they don’t try and hunt me down because I’m related to that evil bastard. I might have a similar magical signature to the fucker but as you know my magic is about as reliable and useful as the ring of detect fire.” Dagmire said as the split in his skull let out a spurt of blood “Still don’t know who thought a ring that literally just says “yep that’s fire” was a good idea” Clearance said distracted “Wizards man. Wizards” Dagmire took a glass snake and focused as he spoke. “Hello I’m Dagmire and this glass snake is a token. you aren’t hallucinating. Yes it’s full of beer. If you need a drink or someone to talk to than I’m your guy. No I’m not a displaced. I’m the son of a displaced and I ain’t got shit but chaos so don’t expect me to ride in on my cart of magical bullshitery and save the day. Also no I don’t offer happy endings. Anyway I’ve made this too long. If you wanna come and visit then just grab a mug, pour it in and drink the fucker.” The snake rose up on its own as Dagmire let go and it disappeared. “Alright now let’s get shitfaced!” Dagmire said forgetting what he was just doing “No. I’m taking you to the hospital. You lost a lot of blood and I think you’re delusional” “Thanks Clearance. Your the best- why is my head red?” Dagmire said before passing out -20 minutes later “Well it seems like Dagmire was extraordinarily lucky. If It weren’t for the straps on the back of your mask keeping your head together than you would probably have lost a bit of your head. We patched you up with stitches and I recommend you stay in bed for at least a week before leaving.” Doctor hooves said Instead of being a stubborn arse and getting up anyway Dagmire slumped back into the bed and got comfortable -one week of rest with the best later Dagmire entered his bar and began washing dishes when suddenly a man who had the “I want to speak with your manager” hair smashed through the window “WHERE IS NARUTO!” The edge lord screamed “Back the way you came. He blasted me through a wall and was a complete ass. Go back the way you came and look for glass shards and a lost flip flop” “...thank you.” The cloaked figure said before leaping through the window again” EDGE LORD CRISIS AVERTED