The Conversion Bureau: Letters From Midgard

by Guiding_Passion


Ch2. The Third Letter

Letters From Midgard

Chapter 2: The Third Letter


“Tristem… Tristem!… Good morning Tristem!”

Tristem opened his eyes the early morning sunlight temporarily blinding him.

“Come on Tristem we’ve got a lot to do today, we don’t want to be late,” said Cao. Tristem could feel her shaking him.

“Late for what?” asked Tristem as he waited for his eyes to adjust to the light.

“Why the Nightmare Night Celebration don’t you remember we decided that this was an excellent opportunity to visit Ponyville,” said Cao.

This made Tristem snap his eyes open. Standing before him instead of his sister was a red earth pony with a yellow mane sporting Cao’s hairstyle.

“What the,” yelled Tristem as he tried to jump up onto his feet, a feat which resulted in him falling backwards since he could no longer stand on two feet.
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<Thud>… “OW!” complained Tristem as he picked himself up from the floor, “stupid dream.”

Tristem looked around he was in the guest room of Lilac’s house. Tristem looked over to see that Cao was still asleep her body curled up in the small equine bed.

“Huh! I’d have thought me falling out of bed would have woken her up,” said Tristem as he walked over to the window to look outside.

Tristem looked out and saw ponies patrolling the streets, “guess their still looking for us,” thought Tristem as he noticed a group of pegasi flying overhead. “I don’t think we’re going to be able to get out of here today,” muttered Tristem.

“I wonder if that elderly pony is up yet.” thought Tristem as he noticed a grey pegasi takeoff nearby and head straight for the barrier. Tristem turned away from the window and headed downstairs.
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Lilac hummed to herself as she placed a skillet on the stove, “I wonder when those two humans will wake up,” Lilac thought to herself.

She walked over to the food pantry glancing over its various contents, “I wonder what humans eat?” thought Lilac.

Suddenly Lilac began to hear someone coming down the stairs, a few seconds later Tristem walked into the kitchen.

“Oh good morning Tristem,” said a very cheerful Lilac. “Meh,” commented Tristem as he sat down at the table.

“So how did you sleep?” asked Lilac seemingly oblivious to Tristem’s lack of enthusiasm.

“Well I’ve slept better its hard to be comfortable when I have to curl myself up in a ball in order to fit in the bed,” said Tristem, “still, its been years since I‘ve slept in a normal bed.”

“Oh really where do you and Cao normally sleep?” asked Lilac.

“Normally we sleep on what is essentially a portable bed known as a futon,” explained Tristem.

“I see, anyway what do you want for breakfast?” asked Lilac, “I wasn’t sure what to make since I don’t really know what humans can and cannot eat, are eggs okay?”

“Eggs are fine,” said Tristem, “as a matter of fact that’s actually something humans tend to have for breakfast normally.”

“Okay than,” said Lilac as she went over and grabbed the eggs, “oh by the way the Mail Mare came and left you two a letter its from the princess.”

“Mail Mare, was that the grey pegasi I saw flying off?” asked Tristem as he picked up the letter that had been sitting on the table.

“Oh yes she often comes and delivers mail to this village. A lot of ponies have friends and relatives inside Equestria,” said Lilac.

“I see,” said Tristem as he placed the letter back on the table and sat down.

“Aren’t you going to read it?” asked Lilac

“I will, but I’m going to wait until Cao wakes up,” said Tristem

Tristem and Lilac heard footsteps overhead as Cao woke and started walking downstairs, “speak of the devil,” said Tristem as Cao walked into the kitchen.

“Oh good morning my dear Cao, did you sleep well?” asked Lilac.

Cao stared at her, her eyes filled with contempt for the pony’s question. “No I did not sleep well,” yelled Cao, “you try and sleep with your body scrunched up like that.”

Lilac lowered her head and ears in response to Cao’s outburst a scared expression on her face. Upon seeing this Cao’s facial expression immediately softened, “I’m sorry Lilac I really do appreciate you letting us stay here,” said Cao.

Lilac raised her head in relief, “oh thank Celestia I thought you were mad at me.”

“No I was just blowing off steam, sleeping in that bed has made me stiff,” said Cao as she sat down next to Tristem.

Lilac walked back over to the stove and resumed frying the eggs. from behind her Lilac could hear Tristem and Cao talking to each other. Lilac tried to make out what they were saying, but they appeared to be speaking in some sort of foreign language.

“Tristem Cao,” said Lilac.

Hearing this Tristem and Cao turned to face Lilac, “yes,” they said in unison.

“I was wondering could ask you guys some questions?” asked Lilac/

“Ask away,” said Tristem.

“Why did you guys come to Trottinheim in the first place?” asked Lilac.

“We were coming to barter for supplies,” said Cao.

“I see, but why did you come here rather than someplace else,” asked Lilac.

“This town was close by, as for why we came to this area specifically we often come to this area because its remote and one of our hideaways is here,” said Tristem.

“I see, tell me you said that your government thinks your dead, why haven’t you two tried to rectify this,” asked Lilac.

“Because we faked our own death. Me and Tristem wanted to be free of their control so when we got the chance we pretended to die in a fake explosion that we instigated,” said Cao.

“But why would you two want to live like this wondering around without a home, and living off whatever you can find?” said Lilac unable to comprehend this. Lilac noticed that the eggs were done, “oh would you two like some fresh vegetables with your eggs?”

“Sure thanks for asking,” said Tristem, “Well to answer your question its because we love this lifestyle. This lifestyle is how humans used to live thousands of years ago and it’s the way humans are supposed to live. Besides we get to go where we want and we see and experience things no one else gets to experience. Did you have any other questions?”

“No I think that’s enough for now, breakfast is ready anyway,” said Lilac as she brought a pair of food laden over to the table. Tristem and Cao started eating.

“Not bad, thanks Lilac,” said Cao. Tristem placed his hands together and lowered his head closing his eyes in the process, “Itadaki masu!” said Tristem.

“What was that for?” asked Lilac.

“Sorry old habit,” said Tristem, “Its something your suppose to say before eating.”

“Oh okay,” said Lilac as her attention turned to the still unread letter, “aren’t you two going to read Celestia’s letter?”

“Oh yeah that’s right,” said Tristem as he reached over and picked up the letter, “no time like the present right Cao?”

“Indeed, I’m curious about what she has to say, and this way we can talk about it afterwards,” said Cao as she bit into a carrot.

“Okay then,” said Tristem as he undid the seal and began to read the letter out loud.
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Salutations, Tristem and Cao!

I try my best to answer the questions of my subjects - and what may be my future subjects - because I believe that understanding is the bridge to all harmony, and harmony is very precious to me.

You ask what it is like to be a pony. To be a pony is to walk on four hooves, to swish your tail when you are glad, or to droop your ears when you are not. To be a pony is to run fast as the wind across endless green fields, or fly over the clouds and to walk upon them, or to sense and use the subtle powers of magic itself. My little ponies play and laugh and love like all creatures do, but they also build and paint and create, sing and dance and write. Everything humans do ponies can do, but they do them together. To be a pony is to be social, to be together, to not be alone.

Each of the three breeds of ponies has their own ways of dealing with the world. All ponies use the mouths and hooves and bodies to move and carry things. Ponies are blessed with a sense of balance and control that it is my understanding humans do not possess. They can balance things with ease upon their heads and backs and hooves, and never fear dropping them. But there are still more ways ponies can manipulate their environment.

Unicorns can levitate objects with the glowing field they produce with their horns, the best can hold dozens of separate items and move them about with ease. It is as if they had dozens of human arms and countless human fingers. Unicorns naturally handle the complex and delicate tasks, to which they are uniquely suited.

Pegasai can walk upon the clouds, and push and move them, and sculpt them as your human artists do stone or metal or wood. They can fly, and can extend that power into the things they hold or are linked to. A pegasus can pull a carriage behind it, or a cart, or carry another pony with ease in its forelegs. Pegasai are the helecopters and aerostats and jets of our world, but more than that they control the very weather, bringing sunshine or rain as needed.

Earthponies have the most perfect sense of balance and control of all ponies. They have incredible endurance and strength, and seldom tire. They can run for days or perform the most strenuous of work. They are the 'muscle men' - if I understand the term - of our world, but there is yet more they can do. Earthponies can, through the magic innate to them, grow crops and trees and all the delicious things of the world within minutes or hours or days. What would take your human farmers an entire season, or years, an earthpony can accomplish in the shortest of times. Earthponies are the backbone of Equestria, and though many are farmers, others use their perfect balance and control to perform any task that suits them. They are the best of athletes, and have the deepest connection to the land, and to the world.

A pony mind is kind and loving. Ponies naturally think of the feelings of others, not merely those they know or are related to, but all living creatures, everywhere. Ponies like making friends, and being friends, and it is our culture that friendship answers every woe. We know nothing of bigotry, war, violence or crime, and there are not even words for such things in the Equestrian language. We know of these things now, from your world, and stories of human lives often shock and terrify my little ponies, because they find it difficult to even imagine causing such harm to others.

This is not to say ponies are without mischief. In my long centuries, I have seen the most outrageous pranks and whimsical of farces, the most egregious of jokes and the most daring of stunts. Ponies are a playful lot, and it would be fair to say that the life of a pony is more concerned with fun, than with purpose as you humans understand such things. But nothing a pony does is malicious or spiteful. They may boast or brag, they may tease, they may jest and cavort, but in the end, it is always in kindness.

The conversion process has been made painless and simple. Your greatest human scientists have worked with our finest unicorn mages to perfect a serum that can transform a Human into an Equestrian. Our bodies are not very different in plan, despite outward appearances, and most of what is required is a shifting of parts into Equestrian form. This could not be done without the brilliant and amazing effort of your human engineers and their microscopic machines. Powered by Equestrian magic, the tiny devices swim through the blood and make all the changes needed while the convertee sleeps. Upon awaking, they are born anew, fresh and young once more, and fully Equestrian.

It is my understanding that without your unique technology, it is normal that humans should live only thirty to forty years. Your technologies, such as agriculture and medicine, have raised your lifespan to nearly a hundred for the vast majority, and up to almost two hundred for the elite of your kind. It is normal for an Equestrian to live to one hundred and fifty, and many make it to twice that with no special effort whatsoever. There have been ponies who have lived to nearly five hundred years, through the use of magic and rare extracts. Ponies do not age as you humans do, and suffer feebleness only in the last decades, spending the majority of their time in good health and youthful bodies.

I should mention, since it is often asked, that it is impossible to choose which breed of pony you should become. This is a matter of your own genetics, proclivities, and mind, the three acting together to determine what you will be. The odds have been statistically determined that any given convert should become an earthpony fifty percent of the time, a unicorn thirty percent of the time, and a pegasus twenty percent of the time. This should not matter, for each is equally important, equally valued, and each has unique and special gifts that compliment the others. Ponies always work together in kindness.
I hope that this answers your most pressing concerns, and puts your minds at rest. While conversion is your choice, I would most heartily recommend it - you will find a longer, happier, safer and more pleasurable life as a pony. Of that, I have no doubt. It is an easy, quick, and painless process to convert, and guarantees full citizenship and a place in Equestria.

Princess Celestia
Regent of the Sun
Diarch of the Royal House of Equestria
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As Tristem finished reading the letter an awkward silence filled the room as Tristem and Cao quietly finishing their meal.

It was almost 5 minutes later when Lilac could no longer take the awkward silence, “why is everypony so quiet,” she asked.

“We’re just trying to soak in what she said Lilac,” said Cao.

“If you don’t mind Lilac me and Cao would like to talk about what she said in private. Could you please go somewhere else for awhile,” asked Tristem.

“Oh certainly my dear I was going to go out and buy some stuff at the market, I’ll be back in an hour so you two just take your time,” said Lilac as she grabbed her saddlebags and trotted out the front door.

Tristem and Cao sat their for almost 10 minutes staring at each other neither one knowing what to say to the other.

“So what do you think Cao?” Tristem finally asked.

“Well its about what we expected,” said Cao, “still now I feel more unsure about this than before.”

“Yeah tell me about it,” said Tristem, “but than again our uneasiness towards conversion all boils down to our two main problems with this whole conversion affair. One our moral objections to the “conversion” of our species, and two our fear of losing our sense of self. Not to mention our fear that Princess Celestia and Luna are behind the appearance and expansion of their realm into ours.”

“Yes I know, maybe that should be the main thing we should ask her about this time. Plus I think we should ask her about some of the statements she made in this letter,” said Cao.

“Good idea I would add two other things though, however,” said Tristem, “One we should let her know that she’s free to ask us questions if she likes. I get the feeling that their are a few things she would like to ask us, but that she might be too hesitant to ask since we‘ve never invited her to do so, and two I think that we should tell her exactly what our objections towards conversion are.”

“Agreed,” said Cao, “Well now that that’s settled what do we do now?”

Tristem shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know I guess we just wait tell Lilac comes back,” said Tristem.
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Lilac slowly made her way back home. She moved much slower than other ponies due to her old age. She looked around the community and saw the PER patrolling the streets presumably looking for Tristem and Cao.

“I don’t think my human friends are going to be able to get out of here today,” said Lilac as she shook her head in disgust, “I hope Celestia straitens those ponies out some day.”

“Ah welcome back Lilac,” said Cao, “here let us help you with that.”

Cao walked up and took the saddlebags off of Lilac’s back and placed them on the table.

“Oh you don’t need to do that my dear elderly ponies are not nearly as feeble as elderly humans,” said Lilac as she sat down at the table.

“Okay then, so I’m guessing we’re not going to be able to get out of here today,” said Tristem recalling the patrols he saw outside.

“I’m afraid not, you two will just have to stay here until they give up looking for you,” said Lilac.

“Oh great how long will that take?” asked Cao.

“Probably a few days,” said Lilac.

“Well I guess we’ll just have to make the best of things,” said Tristem.

“Indeed,” said Cao, “in the mean time is their anything we can help you with Lilac?” asked Cao.

“Well do either of you know anything about clocks?” asked Lilac.

This made Cao literally spring out of her chair, “Just point me in its direction, Tristem can you give me a hand with it?”

“Sure Cao.” said Tristem.
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Cao spent the majority of the day busy repairing the large grandfather clock that Lilac had brought with her from Equestria. Clock part’s littered the floor as Cao attempted to repair the damage done to it by what she assumed could only have been some kind of explosion.

Lilac trotted in and nearly tripped over one of the various parts strewn about, “My word Cao are you still working on that clock its almost evening,” asked Lilac.

“I had no choice the clock was in bad shape, but I’m almost finished now, said Cao wiping some grime off her face, “is Tristem done helping with preparing supper I could use his help.”

“I’m right here Cao,” said Tristem.

“Great, just stand their and hand me the parts in the order I arranged them in,” said Cao.

“I’m going to go and tend to supper,” said Lilac as she trotted back to the kitchen. Tristem and Cao got to work reassembling the clock.

“So did you have any trouble repairing it Cao?” asked Tristem.

“Not really it just took a long time for me to locate and repair all the damage plus I had to build some new springs for it,” said Cao as she got back to work, “you know Tristem working on this clock got me thinking.”

“About what?” asked Tristem.

“Have you ever tried to visualize yourself as a pony?” asked Cao.

“Not really have you?” asked Tristem.

“Yes for almost a year now,” said Cao, “Might as well since you and I both know that we’re probably going to get converted one way or the other, unless of course you intend on dying.” said Cao as she finished putting the clock back together and wound it up. She smiled as the gears began to turn indicating that she had been successful in her efforts.

“No I don’t intend on dying Cao,” Tristem paused for a moment to take in what Cao had just said, “However, I’m still going to continue my search for a third option,” said Tristem as he stood their with a menacing expression on his face.

“You honestly think that their is one?” asked Cao.

“Of course theirs always a way Cao,” said Tristem the expression on his face had become even more sinister, “one merely has to find it.”

This made Cao giggle, “sometimes I think you think you can march right into Equestria and psychologically cow Princess Celestia and Luna.”

“And why not, part of me would just love to see those two beg for mercy at my feet Muahahahaha!” cackled Tristem.

“And I would be their helping you every step of the way. No stupid barriers gonna stop me I’ll smash it into a million pieces with a time-space converting takion ray,” yelled Cao.

Both of them laughed in unison.

“I think I’ll do what you suggested and try and picture myself as a pony,” said Tristem as he sat down on the couch, “call me when suppers ready. During which we‘ll write our daily letter to the princess.”

“Sounds like a plan,” said Cao.
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About 15 minutes later Lilac called them into the kitchen. Before sitting down Tristem took out a piece of paper and a pencil.

“Your going to write the princess now?” asked Lilac.

“Good a time as any,” said Tristem.

“Come on Tristem lets get started,” said a very enthusiastic Cao.

“Right,” said Tristem as he and Cao started writing the letter.
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Dear Princess Celestia,

I once again thank you for answering our questions I greatly appreciate it. However your last letter has raised some additional questions that I feel compelled to comment on before we get to the question of the day so to speak. First off you seem awfully silent on the subject of PER this could either mean that you don’t acknowledge their existence or that you approve of them and you just don’t want to tell us very hard say, but I won’t pass judgment unless for sure.

I found the ratio between the three pony races to be surprising I had assumed that the ratio between the three races was more or less equal in population. Also I’m surprised to find out that pegasi make up the smallest group of ponies I had thought that the unicorns were the smallest group since they often seem haughty and seem to be the strongest of all the ponies.

Finally I find the fact that ponies are incredibly social disturbing. Me and Cao and have spent are entire lives more or less alone and we like it that way. It has a nice alone like quality that we so enjoy, and we find the idea of conversion changing that innate tendency to be repulsive. After all other people only cause problems and complicate things.

Well now that we got that out of the way lets move on to the questions for today. Now your highness these next two questions are very important and will weigh heavily on both our opinion of you, and our ultimate decision on weather we will convert or not.

First off I would like to ask why you are going through the effort of saving our species in the first place. The earth is ruined and every other species on the planet is extinct. In all likelihood humanity will most likely follow suit, and we are to blame for all of it. We polluted the sky, sea, and land. We built weapons capable of unimaginable destruction, and we have driven every other large animal to extinction. So I ask why save a species who has inflicted its own destruction upon itself.

My second question is in regards to the slow assimilation of earth by your realm. there are those who would claim that you are responsible for this, and if that is the case than you are guilty of genocide. I know that the earth is slowly dying and I know that it will ultimately lead to our extinction, but from a moral point of view the assimilation of our world by yours is wrong. Since it will result in the in our genocide both literally, culturally, and societal. So I ask are you and your sister responsible for the appearance of Equestria in our dimension and are you responsible for its slow assimilation of our world? If you are indeed responsible for it why do you continue to allow this to happen since not every human wants to be a pony. Surely Equestria is large enough that it does not need to swallow up the rest of our world.

Now their are two more things me and Cao would like to say before we bid you adu for today. First we feel that perhaps we have not been clear enough on what exactly our objections towards conversion are so let us rectify that. First off is our moral objections which center around the essential genocide of our species caused by the absorption of our world by yours. Of course weather or not we truly have moral objections all depends on how you answer our questions in this letter. Than their is our fear of loosing our sense of self. These are the two main reasons why we fear the prospect of conversion. That and what we have previously. I hope this helps clarify our objections more clearly

The second thing we wanted to say was that we wanted to know if there are any questions that you would like to ask us. If so feel free to ask. Me and Cao will be more than happy to answer them for you. Well I guess that’s it for now. I look foreword to your response.

Respectfully yours,
Tristem & Cao

P.S. Me and Cao have been thinking about it not being possible to tell ahead of time what kind of pony you will be after conversion, and while that’s certainly true that has not stopped us from trying. Using our superior intellect we have brainstormed what we believe to be are most likely appearance post conversion. We made some sketches below hope you like them.
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Supper was already over by the time they finished the letter.

“Did you said everything you wanted us to say Cao?” asked Tristem.

“Yeah more or less,” said Cao.

“That was terrible!”

Tristem and Cao looked over to see that Lilac hadn’t touched her supper. Her ears laid flat a sad expression covered her face.

“Something wrong Lilac?” asked Cao.

“Why are you two being mean to the Princess like that,” accused Lilac, “she’s nice enough to answer your questions and yet you two are accusing here of all these horrible things.”

Hearing this Tristem and Cao ran up and hugged Lilac. “Oh Lilac I’m sorry if we upset you,” said Cao, “We’re not acusing her of anything.”

“Your not?” a shocked Lilac asked.

“Of course not,” said Tristem, “in fact we want to believe that she is as wonderful as you ponies say she is. We just want to make sure is all, so we’re asking her these tough questions in order to be sure.”

This made Lilac’s ears perk up, “oh thank Celestia, so are you guys going to send the letter now.”

“Yes we are after which I think me and Cao are going to turn in. I feel awfully tired,” said Tristem.

“Oh okay then sleep well you two,” said Lilac as she trotted off into the living room.

Tristem went over to the stove and lit the letter on fire. Once again the paper burned up in a mysterious green flame that seemingly vanished out the window. Tristem and Cao than left the kitchen and walked up the stairs towards the guest room.