SATURDAY
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle haven’t been around the past few days. I haven’t been at school for a week. Too sad to get up. Not like they would know. They haven’t bothered checking on me. Dash is gone doing some stupid Wonderbolt thing, again. Nobody’s here.
It’s just been me. Me, myself, and nobody. In the dark sanctity of my bedroom, I live alone and nobody bothers me. They just don’t bother themselves with me. Not bothering with my feelings, my actions, not even the idea of me.
In this room, I’ve sat and stared at the ceiling. It’s a popcorn ceiling. Those little, white bumps make pictures and patterns. In one corner, there’s a dolphin. Next to it, a flower. There are stars, hands, angels, and hearts. Those are just the corners. The middle of the ceiling changes day by day. It shows thunderstorms and smiley faces. It shows kittens and all sorts of dances. By the time I’ve fallen asleep for who knows what time that day, it’s all turned back into snow. Piles and piles of snow.
Sometimes, my friends show up in the snow. They’re up there right now. They’re laughing and playing together. The best of friends. My best friends. Where am I? Why aren’t I playing with them? They never even invite me to join them in the snow. They leave me in their dust and never even think about me. It makes me angry. Who are they to leave me alone like that? Who are they to forget me so effortlessly? Why do I even bother?
I blinked and they were gone. It’s just the stars and dolphins. The dolphins swim through the stars and disappear into ripples of space. I wish they’d stay and keep me company. I wish I could just follow them. Swim so freely. So carelessly. No problem at all.
I looked at the furthest corner of the ceiling and someone swam towards the middle. They took all the dolphins away at once, closed my eyes for the first time in a week and disappeared.
SUNDAY
I opened my eyes and blankly stared into the darkness of my room. I didn’t feel awake. I didn’t feel asleep either. Was I asleep? Who knows? I sat up at walked across the room. The hall light was off so there was no strip of light on the floor that can guide me to the door. That rhymed, didn’t it?
Note to self: write a poem to give to Dash when she gets home.
I felt for the doorknob on the wall and stubbed my thumb in finding it. I opened the door and held my thumb to my lips. I counted my steps down the halls, trying to find the end without finding a light. I turned the corner too early and stubbed my toe. My eyes welled up with tears and I sat down on the floor. It took everything I had to try not to scream and wake my neighbors. I spent a few minutes writhing in pain before finally getting up to leave.
My house was small. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, small kitchen that isn’t separated from the living room by anything at all. Not a counter, not a wall, we had a sheet up there once upon a time. I didn’t like people watching me while I cooked. They would always insult my choice in cooking style. What I used to flavour the food. They even insulted the way I cracked an egg. Sweetie Belle gets praised for her burned bull shit.
“She cooks like a normal person.” Bull shit.
Sweetie Belle checks her phone when she’s cooking something that cooks fast and it burns on the spot. She can barely pop a bag of popcorn. Apple Bloom only knows how to make apple based food. She can’t even make a grilled cheese with the instructions written out right in front of her.
I caught a glimpse of something moving in the corner of my vision. It was shadowy but held such a familiar shape. Another movement. Another figure. Different from the other but still a familiar shape. I shook my head and they went away.
I’m just tired.
Right?
Just tired.
So very tired.
I fell asleep on the kitchen floor.
MONDAY
I woke up with an insanely dry mouth. The floor was cold. I was cold. The figures were still gone. I stood up. The only way to solve dry mouth is by drinking half a gallon of tea and a cup of water. Maybe some of the cider that Apple Bloom left for me a while ago. No, that’s bad. It’s weeks old. Could it kill me? How could I sleep for so long? Doesn’t matter. I need to get ready for school.
My head span when I stood up. When the stars left my eyes I looked around the kitchen. I had no motivation to change out of the jeans I’ve been wearing for the week, so I
xxxxxx
That morning, I had caught my friends at the door. I said my hellos to them and they said them back. Immediately after, they went back to their previous conversation. I made my attempts to contribute my own thought and jokes to their words so that I may join them but everything i said was left unnoticed. They don’t care. For the past two months they’ve ignored me. They’ve forgotten me. My only comfort was Dash but Dash isn’t here right now. She won’t be back for another two weeks. I guess I’ll go to class and ride it out.
Ms. Cheerilee immediately began scolding me for missing last week when I walked through the classroom door. I scowled at her. She continued to rant on and on about why it’s important to come to school. She said I could be held back.
“I’m just looking out for you. As your teacher, I care about your future.” She put her hand on her chest to show her concern. She acts as if her care stemmed from more than her paycheck.
“So what?” I mumbled. It’s not like being held back is the worst. I can get plenty of jobs whether I graduate or not. Cherrilee could never understand. Not with how she views the education system. The system built for us to fail going straight in if we don’t devote every waking second to working for.
First period passed. Then second. Then third. Then came fourth period. My friends were the first people I laid my eyes on. They were talking to each other and giggling. Sweetie Belle stood up to sharpen her pencil and smiled at me along the way.
I stuffed my hands in my pockets, and walked to my desk. Apple Bloom smiled and waved at me. I looked down at the table portion of my desk. Sweetie sat down next to me and tried grabbing my attention. Her pale hand waving in front of my face. I pushed it away and glared at them.
“God damn, guys, why are you trying now? What about a week ago? Why now?” I muttered under my breath.
They stared at me in surprise.They heard me. Finally listened to a word I had to say. I looked at my desk again. Ms. Cheerilee began her lesson. I put my earbuds in and drowned everything out. Today has been a long day.
xxxxxxx
I sat down in at an empty table outside of the school to eat my lunch. If you could call it eating. I’d really just poke at it until the bell rang and leave it on the table to be picked at by birds and campus squirrels. The wind was showing signs of picking up to a consistently harsh blow by occasionally gusting and blowing the cold air under my hoodie.
“Scootaloo!”
I looked around. The only people I seen were the two people I once called my friends. They were standing by the door and waving at me to come over. I always have to go to them. I rolled my eyes and stared back down at my tray.
“Scootaloo, c’mon!”
They put their arms down and waited for a second, eventually giving up and walking away. Why should I bother moving for them? They didn’t bother with me for a week. A week. Not even a certain day out of that week. A special day. My birthday.