Friendship Is Magic! ... Unless You Are a Human

by Huk


Chapter 13

“This… better be important. I have a lot of work to do,” Celestia said to James, blinking to stay awake – her head was hanging low, her eyes baggy and tired.

“Oh, believe me, it is… and before you ask – yes, it has something to do with the content of this bag,” James tapped on the huge sack on his back and smirked, cocking his head a second later. “You OK? No offense, but you look like me after I run out of amphetamine…”

“I… did not sleep.”

“Luna gave you the ‘runaway cake’ nightmare again?”

Celestia smiled bitterly. “She probably would, if I had slept at all. Too much work lately… Anyway, what is in the bag?”

“It’s a surprise… You like surprises, don’t you?”

“Usually… But a surprise from you is typically a nasty comment or a dead body—”

“Your regalia makes you look like a Saddle Arabia prostitute… Just to give an example.”

“Right… So, given your reputation… should I expect a cadaver in that bag?”

“Of course not! … I hope,” Celestia arched her eyebrow. “Let’s, um… change the subject, shall we? How’s the new arm, Johnny?”

They both glanced at John in unison and notice him still checking out the contraption attached to his body. The artificial limb was metallic, its shiny surface sparkled in the sun, and every motion it made filled the air with the sounds of electric motors.

“Well? How is it?” James repeated.

“Stiff and rigid.”

“Try walking in front of Celestia instead of behind her. It helps me…” Celestia and John cocked their heads, raising their eyebrows. “What? Oh, you meant the arm! Sorry, my mind must have been in the gutter…”

“Again!” Celestia said with an angry snort.

“Hey, don’t blame me! Blame my gender!”

“Really? John is also a male, and I do not hear him throwing low brow sex jokes in every sentence…”

“Phew… his slogan is ‘The Best Men Can Be!’ and he shaves with a Gillette, go figure—”

“Fuck you, boss!”

“Such language! Not cool bro, not cool!” James said with a smirk, getting a metallic finger in return.

“It seems to work well for him, maybe you should try it?”

“Sure… and you should stop devouring cake, and dogs should stop licking themselves… We both know that’s not gonna happen.”

“Hrmph!” Celestia let out a snotty grunt. “If you cannot control your nasty comments, then how about at least trying to control your more… inappropriate urges?”

“Have you ever tried controlling your erection, Princess?” James said with a serious expression. “It’s hard, you know. Very, veryhard. Now, if some ponies could just stop swishing their tails, and showing off their privates to everyone…”

“You are a… pervert! My ponies do not act in such a perverse manner!”

“Actually female ponies do that when around males, ask Twilight if you don’t believe me,” Celestia cocked her head at his remark. “She’s writing a paper on this… phenomenon. In other words – it’s all your fault—”

“Is that the best clothes you could get?” John interjected, shaking his head. “It’s all so... drab. I feel like an idiot…”

“Sorry, man… Rarity should be back in a week or two. I’m sure she’ll make you something… marvelous. By the way... look, I understand the locket, but the pen? Why the hell would you carry that around your neck?”

“It’s a... memento... It’s all I have left,” his response made James roll his eyes. “Yeah, I understand that you don’t care, but it’s important to me.”

“Then at least get that thing fixed—”

“No! It stays the way it is! Touch it, and I’m gonna break your neck!”

“Fine, whatever...” James shrugged. “Anyway, what about the arm?”

“Like I said… The arm is stiff, rigid and cold... Feels weird.”

“Sorry… This is an aluminum design back from Earth. It’s the most high-tech model we had before the apocalypse. It’ll have to do for now… Oh, and... I added a little surprise if you can find it.”

John arched his eyebrow. “What did you put in there?”

“It wouldn’t be much of a surprise if I told you, would it? Anyway… I’m already working on an upgraded limb. It will be using nano-tech, better materials and will be powered directly by Equestrian magic. I need a few more days, but with that baby, you’ll be able to snap Rainbow Dash’s neck in ten milliseconds flat,” James grinned. “Just imagine that beautiful sound of her bones cracking.”

John glanced at Celestia, but she just rolled her eyes in silence. “What is it with you and her anyway, boss?”

“She is a prankster!”

“… and?”

“And… what? Isn’t that enough to hate someone?”

“Yeah, I know about your ‘love’ for pranksters, but still…” John smiled. “It’s the rainbow mane thing, isn’t it?”

“Hey! Contrary to popular belief, not every Pole is a bigot or racist you goddamn… faggot, negro, Jew! … how was it?”

“Hmm, I’m not black, not a gay and not a Jew, but… other than that, it was spot on!” John chuckled. “But what about Christians, atheists, Muslims or ponies? They’re not good enough for a nice slur or what?”

“I could never figure it out… Is it more racist to make a slur about someone, or to exclude that someone when you’re making slurs about everybody else?” James scratched his head. “It’s so confusing…”

“Wait… are you saying that you didn’t try insulting ponies yet?” John said, with a shocking expression on his face. “Are you feeling all right, boss? Maybe you need a reboot or something? Do you have an on/off switch somewhere?”

James smiled. “Sure, it’s next to the prost—” suddenly his smile faltered as his eyes locked on Celestia’s horn. “Scratch that, I’m not making that joke around her—”

“Ugh… Would you kindly drop that already?” Celestia said. “It was just an… inappropriate dream.”

“And I would like to keep it that way, thank you very much! Anyway, John, ponies are no fun. ‘Mud pony’ or ‘featherbrain’ or ‘bone head’ – that’s the best racial slurs they have. All related to the sub-species, no creativity at all!”

“And that stopped you from coming up with your own?” Celestia said, gently cocking her head. “I am quite shocked, sir!”

“Of course, not! I wanted to enrich your boring vocabulary, so I came up with things like ‘prick head,’ ‘cloud humper,’ and ‘mud muncher’ – just to name a few, but... your ponies were completely unappreciative! Just covering their ears and giving me weird looks!” Celestia shot him a cold glance. “Yeah, exactly – that kind of look!”

“Those ungrateful bastards…” John said with a smile, and for a moment started glancing from left to right, biting his lip to remain silent, but his will was not strong enough. “What about the Princess? Got some nice insults for her?”

“Oh, thank you kindly John, I thought he forgot about me.”

“Never! But, making racial slurs against a fellow racist is… uncouth.”

“W-what?! I am NOT a racist, mister!”

“Is that so? Mr. Wildman, what is your opinion on the matter?”

With a vacant expression, John put his right hand under his chin, scanning Celestia. “I’m afraid I will have to agree with my colleague here. I mean, you are... white.”

“What... that has to do with anything?!” Celestia said, shaking her head.

James expression changed to a serious one, once again. “Your Majesty, it is a well-established fact, that by definition, all white people are racists! Plus, you run a totalitarian, women-only government, and... you blasted your black sister to the moon—”

“Luna is not black! She is dark blue—”

“Eh… it’s close enough.”

“And should I remind you, about Prince Blueblood?” Celestia said, to see a look of revulsion and disgust coming from James. “Ugh… Fine, but there is still Shining Armor – you cannot deny his… masculinity.”

“Oh yes, he is so manly that Cadence holds his scrotum under her iron hoof – both figuratively and literally. He’s a prick that will do anything she says so he can fill her hot buns with his wiener!”

Celestia stopped dead in her tracks and shot James a glance of confusion mixed with anger. “I… do not even…”She shook her head. “Shining Armor is a compassionate person, a remarkable father, and most of all, Twilight’s brother! By insulting him, you are insulting her as well!”

“Well, Starlight and I made a bet that one of them was adopted… Hey, don’t give me that look! I put ten bits on him!”

“You… insolent… ugh!” She let out an angry snort, clenching her teeth. “I have a lot of patience for your behavior, mister, but today you are crossing the line! If I were you, I would be very careful what you say next…”

“How… diplomatic of you. I tell the truth and what do I get? Threats of violence! Of course, it’s my fault that you’re a dictator that spread white privilege and toxic femininity—”

“Oh, shut up!” Celestia let out a heavy sigh and facehoofed. “My headache is bad enough already…”

John let out a chuckle. “I admire your courage, Princess. That you want to take him to that gala, I mean.”

“Maybe… I should reconsider…” With her mouth opened, Celestia paused and started slowly tilting her head, but it wasn’t until her tired eyes noticed James’s smirk trembling a little, that the epiphany struck her light lightning. “You little… rat! That is why you have been so… insolent—”

“W-what? No! I… really believe that you are a… white racist, honest!” James tried to counter, but his remark only put a smirk on Celestia’s face. Defeated, he turned to John with a frown. “You… idiot! I was… this close!”

John smiled sheepishly. “Um… ups?”

“Yeah, ups…” James turned to Celestia and sighed. “Come on… I don’t wanna go!”

“I would really love to help you, but... since I am a white racist and a tyrant, I would not be in character if I let you go, would I? So, instead... I will make you go, and I will take pleasure in watching you suffer, every second, of every minute of that gala!” Celestia said with a sinister smile. “How is that for a tyrant you… nano-jerk!”

“Y-you just… used a slur! Not only you want me to suffer, but you are insulting me as well?” James let out a chuckle. “There’s hope for you yet, Celestia… Although, nano-jerk-off, would be a more appropriate title for me.”

“I will... keep that in mind—”

Their little talk was interrupted when the bag on Gastovski’s back, started to move.

“Oh, I see our subject is starting to wake up. Fortunately, we are here,” James said, pointing at one of the houses nearby. “Time really flies when you are insulting people, wouldn’t you say?”

“Is that… Lyra Heartstrings’ house?” Celestia said, and James nodded. “Why are we here?”

“You’ll find out soon,” he smiled, knocking on the door.

A few seconds later, the sound of the door opening filled the air, following by the outburst of enthusiastic mumble.

“James, you came!” Lyra said, hopping outside with a grin. She stopped for a second after noticing Celestia. “Um, but you brought the wrong princess.”

“Huh?” James cocked his head. “Oh, no, no, no, sorry I didn’t come for... that. Besides, I doubt Celestia would be interested.”

“Interested in what?” Celestia said.

“She Wanted me to bring Luna for a threesome.”

Celestia glanced at Lyra, to see her face pale as chalk. “Oh, if I knew, I would send a chariot to bring her here…” She rolled her eyes and shot James a glance. “You and your lewd jokes.”

“Y-yes… j-jokes…” Lyra let out a nervous chuckle.

“Anyway, Mrs. Heartstrings, I came here to give you a present… Mrs. Bon Bon!” James pulled out Lyra’s friend from the bag, her hoofs tied, and a piece of duct tape covering her mouth.

“What is the meaning of this?!” Celestia said, her eyes darting between grinning James and struggling pony. “Have you completely lost your mind?!”

“Long time ago, but this is not the point here... Hold on, I just need to remove this first… In the movies, it doesn’t hurt if you do it fast,” James grabbed the duct tape and forcefully pulled it off. “Wow, it actually—”

“Aiieeeee!” Bon Bon yelp was loud enough to wake up the dead.

“Movies lie! Shocking…”

“Do you have anything to say, that would save me the trouble of blasting you to the nearest dungeon?!” Celestia said.

“Remember when I said that someone was snooping in my room? The first time when that happened, I was so drunk… I mean, dreadfully tired, that I thought maybe I really was seeing things… However, then it happened again, and again. I thought Spike was just watching my porn, but it turned out to be something – or rather someone – much more… sinister,” he pointed at Bon Bon. “So, I brought you here to give you a message…” His expression suddenly turned to vacant and cold. “Keep your little spy away from me and my room, or I swear to everyone gathered here today, that I will have Spike mail her to you, piece by piece… and that’s only after I introduce her to the pear of anguish!”

Lyra cocked her head. “Pear of what?”

“Anguish… You know…” Everyone but John gave him confused glances. “Seriously? Ugh, it’s a little device that you put inside a selected orifice, and it makes it stretch, and stretch, and stretch—”

“Really?!” Lyra grinned.

“Yeah, really...” He turned to Celestia. “So, unless you want your little agent to go through an exciting experience—”

“I’m not an agent, you dork!” Bon Bon interjected. “He’s paranoid, your Highness! He kidnapped me!”

“Save your breath Sweetie Drops, I have it all recorded!” Bon Bon bit her lip, her eyes darting from left to right. “After I started suspecting that something fishy was going on, I put cameras everywhere!”

“Which only confirms that you are paranoid,” Celestia said with a stoic face.

“Paranoid is what they call people who imagine things, and I don’t! I got proof of Mrs. Bon Bon’s… activities,” James said, but Celestia only shot him a vacant look. “What? Still saying she’s not an agent?!”

“Of course she is not! Whatever happened, I am sure can be logically explained.”

“OK, in that case... Mrs. Bon Bon, you are under arrest for violating Equestrian’s penal code section 1701 paragraph D.”

“W-what?! I didn’t do anything!”

“As my recordings clearly show, you were snooping in Twilight’s castle and setting up some weird devices. The law states that ‘Any attempt – successful or otherwise – to trespass a royal palace is punishable,’ plus I bet that those things were there to assassinate Twilight!”

“You are insane!”

“We shall see what the judge will say about that—”

“Let her go,” Celestia said, stepping in front of him with a regal expression on her face.

“Are you going to confirm that she was working for you?”

Celestia arched her eyebrow. “Do not make me repeat myself.”

“I’ll take that as… ’yes,’” James cut the rope with a smirk.

“Mister… You are in a lot of trouble!”

“Sure I am, especially since she was the one who broke inside the castle and snooped in my room – on your order!”

“I did not order anypony to do such a thing!”

“Well, in that case… come back here, Bon Bon, I’m taking this to the judge—”

“No, you are not!”

“Watch me!”

“Mister… in a moment, I am going to—”

John watched the ruckus from a safe distance with an amused expression on his face. They REALLY should find a room. Not expecting the quarrel to end anytime soon, he started looking around. Far away he could see Twilight’s castle, proudly towering over Ponyville. He noticed Sweet Apple Acres for the first time and whistled to himself – from his location the apple orchards looked almost endless, merging with the horizon. He also noticed a group of foals happily playing nearby, not minding his presence at all. The blissful picture made him smile. Hmm, have to admit, this place looks and feels pretty good... when no one wants to kill you.

His daydream was interrupted by a familiar figure. Is that... Cheerilee? She must be carrying a ton! With the bags full of papers, and groceries from the market, Cheerilee walked slowly, her hoofs sinking in still wet mud. Even at a distance, John could see she was struggling. A little help wouldn’t hurt... right? After glancing at the still ongoing ruckus, he rolled his eyes, and quickly run towards her…

***

Meanwhile, Scootaloo and a pegasus stallion stood near the ruined villa, waiting for someone in anticipation.

“Where are those featherbrains?” Dumb Bell said, tapping the ground. “They’re always late...”

“Can’t you just carry all that by yourself?”

“Nah, my saddlebag is full already, and Hoops got your... medicine. But I must say kid, this is some nice stuff you have there,” Dumb Bell picked up the crystal globe. “Especially this trinket... Where did you get it?”

Biting her lip, Scootaloo fixed her eyes on the ground. “D-does it matter?”

“Nah… Don’t worry kid, I understand – you gotta do what you gotta do…” A second later two more pegasi landed nearby. “Finally! You guys got lost or what?!”

“Hey, it’s not our fault!” Hoops said. “It’s those darn weather ponies! We had to fly around some heavy rain, man.”

“Makes you want that Rainbow Crash was still running the show!” Score said.

“With you guys, it’s always some excuse... Pack up the merchandise, give the kid his stuff, and let’s get out of here…”

Just as they began filling the bags with goods, they heard a voice from behind. “Scootaloo, what is going on here?” Cheerilee said with a stoic expression, getting everyone’s attention.

“None of your business, teach! Leave us alone!” Dumb Bell interjected angrily.

Cheerilee locked her eyes with his. “I was informed that lost school property is here. I kindly ask you to return it right now so we can avoid unnecessary trouble.”

“The way I see it, the only one who is going to be in trouble in a moment is you, old nag!” He took a step forward, forcing her to step back. “Leave, before I get really angry.”

His sudden movement made Cheerilee flinch, shattering her stoic expression in a blink of an eye. As the adrenaline started flooding her veins, she bit her lip and glanced at the frozen Scootaloo, quickly considering her options. If it were just the globe, she would leave and call the authorities, but with Scootaloo’s safety on the line, her protective instincts kicked in – she needed to get her out of there.

Cheerilee cleared her throat. “I’ll leave, but I’m taking Scootaloo with me.”

“Oh really?” Dumb Bell let out a dark chuckle. “She wants to take the kid… Hoops, what do you think about that?”

Hoops dashed towards her with a speed of lightning, forcing her to jump out of the way. As she landed, one of her hind hoofs fell inside a bucket, shooting a surprising cold and wet sensation up her leg. Her body sent an involuntarily buck command to her hoof, and she kicked the bucket with force. The sudden jerk combined with the slippery ground made her lose her balance and trip. She landed on her rump, knocking over the rest of the containers, and spilling all the dirty water on herself.

“Ha, ha! Hoops, I think the lady likes you... She’s so wet already!” Dumb Bell said, glancing at the muddy figure of Cheerilee who was trying desperately to keep her papers from soaking. “Oh, why don’t you help her gather her stuff?”

Hoops grabbed one of Cheerilee’s saddlebags and hovered above her, while Dung Bell and Score, approached – still paralyzed – Scootaloo, and continued packing the rest of the stuff she brought.

“Put that down!” Cheerilee said, to Hoops. “There are important documents inside!” She tried jumping, but he just kept moving the bag out of her reach with a grin on his face. During one of the attempts, she slipped once again and landed flat in an even deeper puddle, making him laugh hysterically, forcing some tears of helplessness to roll down her face.

“Whoa, I see that our mud pony must really enjoy this muck!” Score let out a chuckle.

“G-guys, stop...” Scootaloo finally managed to mumble, looking at the scene. “She didn’t do anything…”

“Kid, after what you told us, you’re still defending her?” Dumb Bell shook his head. “I don’t get it—”

Suddenly, a loud splash filled the air, getting everyone’s attention. They turn to see Hoops lying with his muzzle in the mud, and John standing above him with Cheerilee’s saddlebag in his right hand.

“That’s no way to treat a lady, boy,” John said, helping Cheerilee out of the puddle.

“Would you look at that...” Dumb Bell smiled sarcastically. “The old teach finally found herself some company. And you guys thought she’ll be lonely forever!”

“Y-you are in trouble um... monkey boy!” Hoops said, spitting out some mud.

“’Monkey boy’? Seriously?” John rolled his eyes. “Your father must be a farmer, right?”

“Huh? I’m a pegasus, not some mud pony! You blind or what?!”

“Well, then how the heck did he grow himself such a turnip?”

Dumb Bell, Score, and even Cheerilee chuckled in unison while confused Hoops processed what he just heard. When his brain finally rebooted, he let out an angry snort.

“Why, you!” He dashed towards John aiming his hoof, only to impale his muzzle on his metallic arm. “Ow! My nose—” With his hoofs on his muzzle and eyes, he stepped on one of the empty bucket and performed a combination of pirouette and backflip, that ended with his face hitting the ground. “Ow! ... I think I chipped a tooth.”

Watching his friend’s drama made Dumb Bell facehoof. Calling him a turnip is a compliment... Arching his eyebrow, he turned to John. “You are asking for trouble little man—”

“The only one in trouble here is you,” Cheerilee interjected, picking up the crystal globe that fell out of Hoops’ saddlebag during his stunt. “That globe is the school’s property!”

“I suggest you put that back before something bad happens!”

“And I suggest you recalculate your chances!” John said. His face was vacant, his eyes squinted and fists clenched. “Unlike you, I was trained to fight. You wanna try something? Go ahead, but you’ll end up in worse shape than Mr. Turnip.”

Dumb Bell and John looked at each other, exchanging cold glares, but a moment later the pegasus broke the silence. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a second here. Kid’s the one who brought the stuff for exchange, right, Scootaloo?” Biting her lip, Scootaloo nodded. “See? Leave us alone, and deal with her, we didn’t steal anything.”

“What about the assault on Mrs. Cheerilee here, huh? Should we forget about that too?”

“Technically, there was no assault, I... tripped,” Cheerilee said.

With a confused expression, John tilted his head, to notice Cheerilee’s pleading face not to push this further. “Fine, let’s forget about this whole… misunderstanding.”

“Yeah, sure, monkey boy,” Dumb Bell rolled his eyes. “Come on boys, let’s get out of here, this party is getting old—”

“Wait!” Scootaloo interjected. “W-what about my... you know.”

“Sorry kid, but as you can see, those two don’t want us to help you.”

“B-but!”

“Sorry, nothing I can do,” Dumb Bell said, launching into the air, with his friends in tow.

“Wait! I need it!” Scootaloo jumped, flapping her wings with all her might, hoping to catch up to the group in the air – only to painfully hit the ground a moment later. “Don’t leave! Please…” She mumbled as fresh tears filled her face.

***

Scootaloo sat on the muddy ground and cried, covering her face in her hoofs. Her mind was blank, with no idea what to do anymore, she just wanted the nightmare to end, but the voice of Cheerilee reminded her, that the horror has just begun.

“Scootaloo... Would you mind explaining what has happened here?” Cheerilee said, trying her best not to sound angry, but miserably losing the battle. “Well, young lady?! I’m waiting.”

“Nothing...”

“You stole the globe from school and by the look of it, items from other ponies as well. You were avoiding me for almost a whole week, attacked your friends and were doing business with some shady ponies. And you call that ’nothing’?!”

“Those two snitches that sent you here are not my friends,” Scootaloo let out a bitter chuckle. “I don’t have any friends, not anymore.”

Cheerilee gave John a look, informing him to let her handle it alone, and he nodded.

“We both know, that’s not true. They are worried about you Scootaloo, and frankly, so am I,” Cheerilee let out a sigh. “You never acted like this before, please talk to us, let us help you.”

Scootaloo sank into silence, and for a moment the air became quiet, even the wind seemed to have died down, almost as if in anticipation.

“You know… I always looked up to you. Unlike my parents, you were always around, always happy to answer questions. I thought...” Scootaloo sniffled. “I… hoped that at least you care, even if nopony else does.”

“Scootaloo, I... I didn’t know you felt this way, but, believe me – I do care,” Cheerilee put her hoof on Scootaloo’s shoulder, but the filly pushed it away.

“You really think I’m that stupid?” Scootaloo turned around, revealing her swollen red eyes. “You think I don’t know what’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” Seeing the fresh water coming down Scootaloo’s face, she reached out her hoof. “Please talk to me, I really don’t understand.”

Glancing at the friendly gesture with her vision blurred by the tears, Scootaloo bit her lip and started slowly extending her hoof. Cheerilee smiled, but a second later the young pegasus forcefully slammed her hoof to the ground – the expression on her face changed from sad to angry in a blink of an eye.

Almost there. ”It’s OK, Scootaloo. I know you are angry, but—”

“I hate you all...” Scootaloo whispered.

Did she just... No, it can’t be. “W-what did you—”

“You heard me right! I hate my so-called friends, I hate my parents, and I hate you!” Scootaloo shouted, her eyes sparkling with rage. “All of you are liars, thinking I’m just a dumb kid!”

Scootaloo was breathing fast, her bloodthirsty eyes locked onto Cheerilee, and pure hatred present on her face. With her teeth clenched and hoofs slightly bend she was like a predator, waiting to strike. Seeing her young student like this, made Cheerilee’s heart beat a little faster.

“Scootaloo, I... I don’t understand,” Cheerilee said, taking a step back. “Why are you saying those things? We are just trying to help you—”

“By lying and hiding the truth from me?” Cheerilee’s eyes widened. “Yes, I know everything!”

Biting her lip, Cheerilee glanced away, looking for words that would get her out of this mess, without making matters worse. “Scootaloo, I—”

“How could you?!”

“Please, try to understand. This wasn’t my decision to make—”

“Liar, liar, liar!” Scootaloo shouted, repeatedly pounding the ground, with a torrent of tears streaming down her face. “Y-you are worse than Diamond Tiara! Even she never felt so low to pretend to care, only to stab somepony in the back!”

With her mouth agape, Cheerilee just stood there, stunned, watching as the wailing filly started to flee. No matter how much she wanted to stop Scootaloo, her body was not responding anymore, its efforts redirected to keep her eyes from tearing up. She snapped back to reality when Scootaloo stopped near one of her saddlebags, she left behind.

“No! Scootaloo, please don’t!” Cheerilee pleaded, but it was no use. With her eyes still flooded with tears, Scootaloo grabbed the bag with her teeth, and threw it into the deep puddle nearby, continuing her escape a moment later.

Immediately, Cheerilee dashed towards the sinking bag, but before she pulled it out, it already hit the bottom of the pool, its content flooded by mud and dirty water. Glancing between the ruined bag and Scootaloo’s figure shrinking in the distance, she heaved a heavy sigh of defeat and closed her eyes, but not before a few tears rolled down her cheeks.

***

John, who was still observing the scene from a distance, stepped forward. “Um, you OK, miss?”

“I almost got beaten up by a bunch of thugs, lost a bag full of important documents that will take me a week or two to recreate and... Oh, yes! I learned that my actions probably pushed one of my students into a depression, which she cures by taking drugs,” Cheerilee let out a dark chuckle. “Yes, mister! I’m just great, never better!” For a moment silence filled the air, but a few seconds later she sighed deeply and shook her head. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that...”

“I understand, don’t worry about it, miss...”

“Cheerilee.”

“Pardon?”

“Please call me by name. Only my students call me ‘miss’ – it makes me feel old.”

“How about a deal – I’ll start calling you by your name, and you start calling me by my?” Cheerilee brightened a little and nodded. “All right then... Cheerilee, I think, those are yours too?” John sat next to her and passed her some more dirty documents. “I collected those when you were... talking with the kid.”

“Thank you, John... I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome...” John said with a smile, but his expression changed to concerned, a second later. “Cheerilee... I know it’s not my business, and I don’t mean to be pushy or anything, but... if you would tell me what is going on with the kid, perhaps I could help you figure something out?”

“Scootaloo must have found out about the test results. She...” Cheerilee let out a sigh. “She won’t be able to fly.”

“Poor girl... I guess that must be hard for a pegasus.”

“Such news is shocking even for an adult, and since Scootaloo dreams of becoming a Wonderbolt one day – for her, it must have been devastating. Her parents visited me at the end of the school’s year with the news, asking for advice. I told them that Scootaloo had the right to know, but they decided to wait until they can make some arrangements.”

“They must have been terrified themselves.”

“I can’t say I blame them, but it would appear she found out on her own and, here we are... Sweet Celestia, if my indecision pushed her into this whole mess...” Cheerilee bit her lip, feeling that her eyes were beginning to tear up again. “John, what have I done...”

John watched Cheerilee’s eyes becoming more glassy with every passing second. Instinctively, he started moving his arm to place it on her shoulder but forced himself not to. For a moment, he wasn’t sure what to do or how to act, but then, Cheerilee’s lip began to tremble and first tear rolled down her cheek, quickly followed by another, and another... The dam broke a second later, and tears flooded her face, washing off any hesitation he still had. Placing his right arm around her shoulder, he gently pulled her towards him, and she returned the embrace, burying her watery eyes in his chest.

“It will be OK,” John said, gently caressing her mane. “It’s not your fault—”

“But it is! I’m a teacher, I knew what could happen!” Cheerilee sniffled. “I should have... p-pushed them harder!”

“No one could have foreseen this… Sometimes bad things happen no matter what you do...”

With her eyes fixed on the ground, and head on John’s lap, Cheerilee just sat in silence. While her mind was lost in thought, he continued to gently stroke her messy mane, and slowly, her heart began to slow down, and body relaxed.

“I want to help her, but... I don’t know how,” Cheerilee finally said with a calm voice.

“What about her parents? Shouldn’t they handle that?”

“They are traveling adventure ponies, Scootaloo only sees them a few times a year. She lives alone, her aunts visit her a few times a week, but... I’m not sure if they even know about her condition,” Cheerilee let out a sigh. “I need to sleep on it and come out with a plan.”

“What about those three bullies? If they really are selling her drugs, shouldn’t we call the Princess or... someone?”

“I don’t have any proof, and I fear they would just deny everything. And in her current state of mind, Scootaloo could even start defending them...” Cheerilee shook her head. “I think, I need to get to her first – those three can wait.”

“I understand… If you’ll need a witness or… anything – just let me know.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, and John... thank you. Both for what you’ve done earlier, as well as for... this,” Cheerilee said, with a gentle blush on her cheeks.

“You looked like someone who needed a hug,” he smiled and cocked his head. “You know, I may be able to help you with those papers too – or rather, Cheesy may be able to. I bet with his sensors he could scan and print them for you—”

“Cheesy?”

“... Gastovski,” John said, making Cheerilee smirk immediately. “Yeah, I know, just don’t use that lovely nickname when he is around – he’s very... touchy about it.”

“I’ll try,” Cheerilee said with a chuckle. “John, could I ask you one last favor? Could you help me get all those stolen goods to my house? I can’t just leave them here.”

John nodded. “I’ll get the bags.”

Unknown to them, some distance away, two pairs of eyes were observing the scene in excitement.

“Romance is a beautiful thing, is it not?” Celestia said with a smile.

James rolled his eyes. “Ugh, I don’t know what the hell that is, but let’s get out of here before my sugar level overloads…”

“Oh, are we jealous? Not cuddling with anyone lately?”

“Oh, I cuddle with some ponies all the time… that’s why I constantly need to kill some people, to earn some money...” Celestia shot him a glance, arching her eyebrow. “What? Those Canterlot brothels aren’t cheap, you know...”

“I really hope that was just a metaphor.”

“Nope… Canterlot working girls really are expensive. Red Velvet, for example, charges like—”

“I meant the… Ugh, never mind…”

“You dwell on minutiae way too much, it stresses you out, and chronical stress is not healthy, you know. It can cause wrinkles, affect your mood and your libido…”

“Is that a fact?”

“Yes, it is! Also, did you know that according to numerous studies – sex is a great stress reliever?”

Celestia smiled sarcastically. “Oh, I would love to, but I am tired, and my head hurts.”

“Oh, poor you…” James said with a caring face. “Need someone to tuck you in?”

“No thank you, I think I will manage on my own.”

“As you wish… Anyway, let’s get out of here before they see us. I will ask John later about what happened—”

“James! Wait up!”

James and Celestia turned in unison, to see Lyra running towards them.

“What? Bon Bon changed her mind? Tell her the deal is final!”

“No, no, I… came with a request, but um... would it be possible to talk alone?”

“Lyra, whatever you say, I will blabber it to Celestia sooner or later, so you may as well spill it out now.”

“I... just...” Lyra bit her lip and smiled sheepishly. “Could you get me one of those... pears of anguish?”

“Um… you know, on the second thought,” James jerked his head at facehoofing Celestia.

“Princess... what?” Lyra said, cocking her head. “She wants one too?”

“Mrs. Heartstrings!”

“That was supposed to mean ‘I changed my mind, catch me later when she isn’t around,’” James let out a loud chuckle. “Besides, I’m sure she has much better toys than this, not to mention the harem—”

“One more word, mister… Just… one… more… word…”

“Oh, right, I always forget that the... ‘royal spa’ is a state secret... Anyway, Mrs. Heartstrings...” James turned to Lyra with a solemn expression. “The pear of anguish is a torture device, not some... sex toy!” Lyra hung her head in shame, biting her lip. “So... you want one with or without a splash guard?”