“And that’s the last of them,” Shining Armor said as he slammed the door to the village mine’s storage area shut. “That should hold the lot of Lucerne’s gang, at least until Captain Rear Guard can send somepony to take them into custody.
“Um, pardon me, Captain…er, Prince –“
“Just Shining Armor is fine,” Shining Armor assured the nervous villager, a shopkeeper named Rock Quarry, who had been helping him secure the prisoners.
“Thank you. Shining Armor, do you really thing that storage room is going to be able to hold all of those thugs? I mean, if they were to escape…”
“I don’t think that’s going to be much of an issue,” Shining Armor replied. “Moonwhisper left most of those guys in traction, and the rest of them lost any interest in causing trouble once they saw what happened to Lucerne Hammer himself. At this point I think they’re happier knowing they’re safe from us as long as they stay in there.”
Rock Quarry laughed nervously. “I’ll just be happy when they’re finally out of our manes altogether. Listen, though, I just want to thank you again for everything that you and your friend had done for use If there’s anything I or anypony else in town can do for either of you…”
“Well, I don’t suppose you know of anypony in town that has a friendship problem that needs solving?” Shining Armor asked.
“A…friendship problem?”
“It’s just a little something that Moonwhisper and I are supposed to take care of before we can leave,” Shining Armor said after a moment’s hesitation. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it, but if you think of anything like that around town let Captain Moonwhisper or myself know.”
“Of course. Um, if you don’t mind I’m going to head out. We’re organizing crews to start repairing some of the homes that Lucerne Hammer and his gang ransacked.” As Shining Armor nodded in understanding Rock Quarry scurried off towards the mine exit.
“I don’t think he really needs to know that this friendship problem is the real reason Moonwhisper and I came her in the first place,” Shining Armor thought to himself as he watched Rock Quarry leave. “I just hope Moonwhisper’s been having more luck then I have figuring out what we’re actually supposed to be doing here.”
As if to prove that the universe had a twisted sense of humor, Rock Salt suddenly came barreling down the mineshaft towards Shining Armor with a panicked expression on her face. “Pardon me, sir? Captain? Your highness? There’s a situation down at mah saloon that we need y’ to, um…”
“What’s going on? Don’t tell me we missed some of Lucerne’s gang?” Shining Armor groaned.
“No, no, it’s nothin’ like that…no exactly anyhow. It’s just, yer friend, Captain Moonwhisper….he’s makin’ somethin’ of a ruckus and we could really user yer help in calmin’ him down.”
“Wait, are you serious? Why in Equestria would Moonwhisper be…oh no.” Even as Shining Armor spoke he recalled how on edge Moonwhisper had seemed since the previous night when it had become apparent that dealing with Lucerne Hammer wasn’t the issue that the map had sent them to resolve. At the time Shining Armor hadn’t thought much of it, but when he considered Moonwhisper’s predilection for overreacting when his duties as a guard were involved it threw things into a new, far more concerning light. “I’d better go talk to him before things get completely out of hoof. You said Moonwhisper was at your saloon right?”
*********
“I’m going to ask you this one more time, and I strongly advise you to provide me with a truthful and thorough answer. Now, why have you and your neighbor, Miss Sugar Luck, been arguing?” The mare Moonwhisper was interrogating barely managed a whimper of terror in response, in no small part due to the fact that she was being help upside down and pinned against a wall by Moonwhisper’s magic. “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask that you provide your answers in plan Ponish. Now, several other townsponies have already verified that you and Miss Sugar Luck have been engaged in a feud of some kind. As such I will ask you once again, what is the precise nature of this conflict?”
“Moonwhisper! What in Celestia’s name do you think you’re doing?”
Moonwhisper turned almost nonchalantly to see an enraged Shining Armor standing in the saloon’s entranceway. “Ah, Captain Shining Armor, I take it the last of Lucerne Hammer’s associates have been secured then?”
“Never mind that! Put her down right now!” Shining Armor yelled.
Moonwhisper regarded Shining Armor with a look of annoyance for a moment before letting out an irritated snort. “Very well. Miss Honey Oats, you’re dismissed for the time being. Be aware, however, that there is a strong possibility that we will need to continue this conversation in the near future.” As Moonwhisper spoke he righted the mare and gently deposited her back onto the ground. The moment Moonwhisper released Honey Oats from his magic she bolted out of the saloon past Shining Armor, who continued to glare angrily at Moonwhisper.
“What. Were. You. Thinking?” Shining Armor demanded as he marched towards Moonwhisper.
“I was interrogating Miss Honey Oats regarding her likely role in the friendship problem that we were dispatched here to deal with,” Moonwhisper stated matter-of-factly. “My questioning of the locals has uncovered that the most significant social conflict here seems to involve an ongoing dispute between Miss Honey Oats and here neighbor, a one Miss Sugar Luck. I had hoped that confronting Miss Honey Oats directly over the issue would be the most expedient way to settle things, but perhaps I should have spoken with somepony close to her or Miss Sugar Luck first to seek a more unbiased perspective on the issue.”
“No, that’s not what I – what in Equestria made you think that questioning a civilian like that was even remotely appropriate?” Shining Armor asked as he massaged his temple with a forehoof and tried to regain some measure of composure.
“Everything I did was entirely within the protocols we have for extracting mission critical information from non-compliant sources,” Moonwhisper protested. “If you’d like I can quote the relevant passages from the protocols issued us.”
Shining Armor felt his eyes start to twitch in mounting frustration. “Non-compliant…Moonwhisper, those protocols were issued by the Equestrian Intelligence Service for questioning suspected criminals during a national emergency situation. Not for…whatever a friendship mission counts as.”
“So then, what progress have you made on determining what our objective is?” Moonwhisper asked pointedly. “Given your strenuous objections to my methods I can only assume that you must be close to a breakthrough yourself on the issue. Which, I will remind you, we need to resolve before we can return to Canterlot.”
“Hey, I’ve been trying my best to figure out what we’re supposed to do here,” Shining Armor protested.
“And is this the same ‘best’ that you displayed when the changeling queen was able to replace Princess Cadance without you’re noticing? Or is the more the ‘best’ you tried when Sombra assaulted the Crystal Empire? Oh, I know, this would be the ‘best’ you did when you allowed an oversized cumulus cloud to drift over the Equestria Games stadium during the ice archery event,” Moonwhisper snarled. “As far as I’m concerned your ‘best’ isn’t nearly good enough when Twilight’s safety may be at risk, so either do something productive for a change or stop interfering with my efforts to actually accomplish our mission!”
A moment of quiet passed as Shining Armor processed what Moonwhisper had just said, his face slowly contorting in rage as everything sank in. “You miserable, self-righteous jerk! Are you actually trying to suggest that I’m not taking this seriously because I’m drawing a line at using criminal interrogation techniques on innocent ponies? What’s wrong with you? No, really, what in Tartarus is wrong with you? And to throw what happened at my wedding in my face, that’s low, even for you.”
“Of course I’m suggesting you’re not taking this mission seriously you gibbering idiot!” Moonwhisper yelled back. “When, in your entire miserable career, have you ever taken your duties as a guard seriously? Ever since you were promoted past the point where you could coast on your abilities your career has been an uninterrupted string of failures brought on by your own laziness and incompetence. Also, what exactly did you mean when you said ‘even for you’?” Moonwhisper asked dangerously.
“You know exactly what I mean! Ever since we met you’ve been an unrelenting jerk to me. The constant insults, that sneering elitist superiority of yours. And the entire time I’ve tried to be your friend, but every time I hold my hoof out in friendship you slap it away.” Shining Armor said.
“Oh woe is you, you lazy, pampered, pompous imbecile,” Moonwhisper fired back. “Maybe if you spent less time worrying about how one of your peers isn’t nice to you and more actually training you wouldn’t be the laughingstock of the entire guard. Do you have even the slightest comprehension as to how frustrating it is to watch you blunder your way through life and continuously come out on top without ever having to have earned a thing?”
“Hey! I’ve worked hard to get where I am!” Shining Armor protested.
“Horse apples! Your entire life has been gifted to you on a silver platter. Name one thing, name one single, solitary thing that you’ve ever had to struggle for,” Moonwhisper said.
“Your respect,” Shining Armor replied simply.
Shining Armor’s retort actually managed to leave Moonwhisper speechless for a moment. “Touché,” Moonwhisper eventually replied.
“You know what I think your problem with me really is?” Shining Armor continued, seizing on the opportunity. “I think deep down your really just jealous of me! You’ve spent so much of your life fixated on how miserable you are that you just can’t stand that somepony could actually be as successful as you without being a complete martyr. I’m living proof that you never actually needed to spend your life wallowing in self-pity, you just choose to.”
“Choose to? CHOOSE TO?” Moonwhisper screamed, the veins in his neck bulging out in rage. “You think I choose to be the descendant of the worst monster in Equestrian history? You think I choose to be magically tortured day in and day out as soon as I was old enough to walk? Do you honestly think I choose to watch my mother be beaten and tormented while I couldn’t do a rutting thing about any of it? Of course I envied you, you solipsistic cretin! You had everything anypony could want, a loving family with a linage you could hold up with pride, magical power you never had to even strain yourself to achieve, you even had an alicorn princess desperately in love with you, practically throwing herself at your hooves! And the biggest complaint you’ve ever had in your life is that the respect of one of your peers isn’t being showered down on you like everything else in your life has been,” Moonwhisper said as he stood there, breathing heavily. For several minutes the two stallions stood in silence as what had just been said sunk in.
“Hey, I…I never meant to say that you wanted to have to deal with, you know, all the stuff you’ve been through,” Shining Armor finally said.
“I understand that,” Moonwhisper replied. “And, having said everything out loud, I suppose I do owe you an apology. It hasn’t been entirely fair of me to hold your good fortune against you the way that I have. You didn’t choose to be born into the life that you’ve lived anymore than I did. I’ve been childish and needlessly antagonistic to you for years, and for that I apologize.”
“That’s…I’m not going to lie, I never thought I’d actually hear you say something like that,” Shining Armor said. “So, all this time the reason you’ve been so, you know, you, has been because you were just jealous of me?”
“That hasn’t been the only reason. I maintain that you’re staggeringly inept as a commanding officer and you take a distressingly lackadaisical approach to your professional life,” Moonwhisper stated. “Just because my behavior towards you has been unfairly colored by my own jealousy doesn’t mean my critiques of your conduct are entirely invalid.”
Shining Armor stared at Moonwhisper for a moment before bursting into peals of laughter. “I guess I should have seen that coming. You just wouldn’t be you if you weren’t the biggest hard-ass in the entire guard.” Shining Armor let out a sigh. “And I guess I have to admit you’re not completely wrong. I just can’t really even seem to find the time to train like I probably should, especially now that I’ve got Flurry Heart to look after.” As Shining Armor spoke, he noticed that Moonwhisper had averted his eyes and was muttering something under his breath. “Did you just say something?”
“I said your personal life is the one area where I can’t criticize your work ethic,” Moonwhisper replied with an embarrassed snort. “Whatever your many deficiencies as an officer I can’t deny that your observable dedication to your family is exemplary.”
“You know, I think that might be the single nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Shining Armor said with a chuckle. “Which, now that I say it out loud, is actually a little depressing.” Another brief moment of awkward silence passed before Shining Armor spoke again. “Look, maybe you’re right about how I have room to improve as an officer. If nothing else, it is a little embarrassing to keep having my little sister save me.”
“Also your wife. And, while I haven’t participated in it myself, I do know for a fact that there is a betting pool among the other officers as to how old Flurry Heart will be before she saves you somehow,” Moonwhisper said.
“Huh, part of me wants to be annoyed at that, but another part wants to know if I could get in on that,” Shining Armor mused. “I wonder if Cadance knows about that.”
“She has approximately four hundred bits on a spread between ages eleven and fourteen, with an additional hundred bit side bet that Flurry Heart receives her cutie mark in the process,” Moonwhisper said matter-of-factly.
Shining Armor started at Moonwhisper for nearly a minute before shaking his head. “Anyway, I’m starting to feel like we’re getting off topic a bit. Do you think we could, I don’t know, try and be actual friends from now on?”
“And by that I presume by that you mean could I rein in my needless hostility?” Moonwhisper asked before managing a weak smile. “I suppose I can do that. And now that that’s been settled we should refocus our efforts on dealing with the friendship –“ Moonwhisper paused as he felt an odd tingling sensation in his flank. “OH FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, ARE YOU RUTTING SERIOUS?” Sure enough, both Moonwhisper and Shining Armor’s cutie marks were glowing and pulsing, signifying a successful mission. “That was the friendship problem we needed to solve? Why in Equestria did the map send us to this Celestia-forsaken corner of Equestria if we were the problem that needed solving?”
“Maybe it wanted us to deal with Lucerne Hammer too and it, what was that phrase Drill Sergeant Crab Apple liked to use?”
“Hit two trees with one buck?” Moonwhisper huffed irritably. “I suppose that serves as good an explanation as we can ever expect to receive. Well, looking on the bright side at least this means we can finally leave for Canterlot.”
“No arguments here. Why don’t you head back to our rooms and start getting everything packed up? I just want to make sure the locals know what to do once Rear Guard and his guards get here to take Lucerne into custody,” Shining Armor said.
“And, I imagine, to smooth things over with regards to my own…overzealousness,” Moonwhisper added a little sheepishly. “I’ll leave you to it, then. The sooner we get everything settled the sooner we can start heading back to Canterlot.”
Shining Armor nodded in agreement and the two stallions exited the saloon and trotted off in separate directions. Just as Shining Armor reached the mine entrance, however, several of the nearby townsponies started shouting and pointing to the sky. Shining Armor scarcely had time to look up before a silver-grey pegasus mare in lieutenant’s armor plummeted down and slammed into the ground next to him. “Captain Shining Armor,” the guardsmare greeted him as she panted heavily. “First Lieutenant Silver Streak reporting.”
“At ease, lieutenant,” Shining Armor said as gave Silver Streak a moment to catch her breath. Silver Streak looked like a mess, her wings and mane unkempt and the dark circles under her eyes making it look as though she hadn’t slept in days. “You’re Moonwhisper’s second-in-command, aren’t you? Shouldn’t you be back in Canterlot helping with the festival’s security?”
“Sir,” Silver Streak replied as she finally caught her breath. “Canterlot has fallen.”