//------------------------------// // Oops, There are Now Ponies in Equestria (There are No Ponies in Equestria) // Story: The League of Sweetie Belles // by GMBlackjack //------------------------------// Cinder, Nira, Blink, and Celia stepped out of a portal onto the roof of a completely normal looking Sugarcube Corner. For a moment, Cinder expected to hear Squiddy’s usual pained groan at the monotony of their job, but then she remembered the inkling wasn’t with them. Instead there was just an awkward silence as the wind brushed through their manes. “We should probably get off the roof,” Blink said. Cinder shrugged. “Why? It’s not like we really need to be hidden or anything.” “I don’t want a repeat of the ‘Pinkie Pie Lawn’ incident,” Blink said, jumping to the ground. Nira teleported the rest of them down effortlessly. Cinder noticed that there weren’t any ponies in Sugarcube Corner — not the Cakes, not Pinkie, nothing. In fact, there weren’t many ponies around at all… “Are we in a ghost town?” Cinder wondered. “No, there’s just a town hall meeting featuring the Princesses,” Celia said, levitating a bulletin off the side of Sugarcube Corner. “About… now, actually.” “Convenient,” Cinder observed. “Guess we’re listening to a political speech.” Celia nodded, rolling up the bulletin and heading off to town hall. The seeming absence of ponies was put to rest the moment they rounded a corner — clearly every pony in town was standing around the stage, staying quiet as they listened to Celestia speak about some political topic or other Cinder didn’t particularly care about. Far as she could tell, the Princess was still in the middle of the greeting, though coming into the middle of her excessively verbose sentence was beyond confusing. “Oh hey, free food,” Blink said, noticing a pastry stand. “Don’t interrupt the speech,” Nira muttered. “I’m not!” They continued into the crowd. Nopony paid them any mind — after all, they were all pony shaped, and in a busy crowd Celia’s size and crystal didn’t stand out. Celestia had the ponies’ full attention, keeping the Sweeties conveniently hidden in plain sight. The words of Celestia became a background monotone for Cinder as she examined the ponies around her. They looked almost exactly like the ponies she knew, though when she caught sight of Pipsqueak she knew this world was a few years behind her own. Other than that, there didn’t appear to be anything unusual. The buildings were the same, the sun felt the same… Everything was the same. She fully expected to see a younger version of herself at some point. And then Celestia did something a little odd. “And so,” she concluded, wrapping up the introduction. “In light of some recent revelations, we have a question to ask you all, citizens of Ponyville. A question which we hope you will answer honestly.” That had Cinder’s attention. She would have remembered if one of Celestia's visits had included this. “Is this the real life?” Celestia asked, “is it just fantasy?” “Caught in a landslide,” Luna added, “no escape from reality.” “Open your eyes,” Twilight pleaded, “look up to the sky and see…” “Why does this sound vaguely familiar?” Nira muttered. “I… oh no…” Celia’s pupils shrunk as recognition crossed her face. “Huh?” Cinder asked, looking up at her. “Wh-” Before it could go any further, Thunderlane jumped out of the crowd and started singing the line that came after Twilight’s. “I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy.” Twist jumped up, alarming Cinder considerably. “Becauthe ith’s eathy come, eathy go.” What in Celestia’s name is happening? Is this a heartsong? Why don’t I feel like singing!? “Uh… Uh…” Celia bit her lip and furrowed her brow. “We need to blend in.” “Wh- why?” “I’ll explain later but we need t-” “ANY WAY THE WIND BLOWS, DOESN’T REALLY MATTER TO MEEE…” Bulk Biceps shouted, interrupting their plan. “TO MEEEEE…!” “They’re singing a song they have no right to know,” Celia continued, summoning her rod and bothering to create a false horn overtop her crystal. “Quick, we need to sing along.” “How am I supposed to sing if the notes don’t just come?” Cinder wailed — but then she noticed some ponies in the crowd had started hearing her complaints. “I mean, uh…” Celia was already scrawling words in the ground as more voices joined the crowd-sized chorus. Cinder focused on them and got into the crowd’s collective beat. She was a good singer — she knew how to keep beat, match tones, and follow the patterns. “Pulled my trigger, now he’s dead… Mama, life had just begun — but now I’ve gone and thrown it all away~!” It was a deep emotional song about, apparently, some pony killing someone and realizing the mistake of the act. It made absolutely no sense to her why everypony would be singing it from Celestia’s prompting, and definitely made no sense that they were singing it without a heartsong. They were just singing, flat out! There was no harmony here, and many of them were pretty bad at it! There was a small break in the song — which was an odd silence since there were no instruments. “Can you…?” she asked Celia. “Luna is casting a heartsong spell. She’d notice if I tried to stir it up purposefully.” Celia answered — before jumping right to “Too late, my time has come…” Blink, Cinder thought, looking around. Need to find Blink… She could only find Celia and Nira — no Blink. Where in Equestria are you!? She continued singing. “Goodbye everybody, I’ve got to go…” It was an odd timing, but it was slow enough that she could keep up with it and had a general idea where it was going given the lay of the previous stanzas. But then she looked down to the next stanza… That’s not the same… She resolved herself to just make it sound like she was coughing at first and continue after the rest of them started singing it. It could work. It should have worked. If only Bohemian Rhapsody weren't such an absolutely bizarre and off the walls song, Cinder might have been spared. As it happens, she managed to keep along for “I see a little silhouetto of a man” and promptly lost all sense of timing and coherence when everypony started screaming “SCARAMOUCH, SCARAMOUCH, WILL YOU DO THE FANDANGO!?” What even is a scaramouch!? It was at this point Celia touched her fake horn to Nira’s, prompting a soft flash of light that a few ponies noticed — a few ponies that looked nervous, confused, but also excited… And then Nira started downloading Celia’s knowledge of the song into Cinder’s brain. For a split second, Cinder wondered why they were being so careful about blending in. What was it that had Celia concerned? What would these normal ponies do to them if they found them out? She didn’t know — but she trusted Celia. She accepted the outright bizarre song and started singing in perfect tune, timing, and on-key from Nira’s influence. Unfortunately for them this wasn’t to last long. In the middle of a “we will not let you go” some dancing ponies tripped and fell into Nira, scrambling her mental connection to Cinder and Celia. The two of them let out hisses of pain and closed their eyes tight. This was their undoing. The next thing Cinder knew she had been tripped by a dancing pony and was flat on her back. With a grunt she stood up, fear in her eyes. She looked for Celia, Nira, even Blink. She couldn’t find any of them. I closed my eyes for half a second, there’s no way they got taken away that quickly! She stumbled around, running into dancing ponies every few seconds. She wasn’t even trying to sing anymore — the song had gone off on too many strange tangents and without Nira she was completely hopeless. However, it seemed that most ponies were too into the song or too lost in their own heads to notice a panicked mare running through the crowd. She was just another blob in somepony’s peripheral. When they started making guitar solo noises with their mouths she decided she was done. With all the effort she could muster, she ran away from the crowd, not caring in the slightest that ponies found her fleeing odd. She jumped into a bush and hid. Nopony had noticed her jump into the bush. Why don’t I feel lucky? She sat there for a minute or so as the song wrapped up and a strange silence fell over the pony crowd. She still couldn’t see any of her fellow Sweeties and she had no idea what had just happened. In many ways, it was a worse feeling than being in mortal danger… “Right then,” Luna declared as she stepped forward and took charge. “Now that you all probably have some idea as to what’s going on…” Cinder felt insulted. “Will anybody who was not, in some way, shape, or form, previously a human being, please raise your hoof.” There was a pregnant pause as everypony waited, shuffling around nervously. Cinder realized with shock that not a single pony raised a hoof. Her mind only had one response to this. What. Luna’s jaw was hanging open, indicating even she had not expected anything this unanimous. Twilight spoke next. “Alright, that’s… more than we’d counted on. Okay, next question. Please raise your hoof if you are familiar with a television program called: My Little Pony. Specifically the rebooted Friendship is Magic version.” What. It wasn’t unanimous this time. No, there were a few who had no idea here and there. But there were so many hooves raised Cinder could tell it was a clear majority. WHAT. And then the ponies started happily hugging each other and talking loudly. “You’re a human?” “Yes! Well, I was…” “Me too!” Cinder’s brain stopped working. She caught a few things — “I was drawing my OC and then suddenly I was my OC drawing my human self,” “I’m not actually Red, my name’s Linda,” “HAS ANYONE HERE SEEN ENDGAME? I NEVER GOT TO SEE IT!” and on and on and on… Cinder remained in her bush. Frozen. She might as well have been listening to static. ~~~ Blink returned from her outing for an Absolutely Delicious Maple Bar™ with the pastry in hoof. The sight that welcomed her were hundreds of ponies happily chattering and celebrating… something important that had happened while she was gone. She pursed her lips. Maybe I should have paid attention to the horrible singing… With a mildly annoyed sigh she tossed her mane back and walked right into the crowd. As the Witch of Void, it was pathetically easy for her to eavesdrop on any number of conversations. ...Not that most of them made sense. “So, yeah, looks like I’ll be bringing computers to Equestria.” “Sweet. I don’t have to be a farmer anymore!” “...What will you do instead?” “Figure skating!” “...Have you ever figure skated with hooves before?” “...Dammit, I might have a problem…” Blink’s attention was drawn elsewhere by a stallion shouting in a gravelly voice. “I DEMAND YOU LISTEN TO ME! I am a PRINCE! I am not some common pon-” “Oh, do shut up!” “If there is no need for secrecy, I demand my divine right!” “What are you, from the stone ages?” “You best watch your tongue, peasant!” “Given the shape of my head I can’t really look at it now can I?” Blink would have loved to keep listening in on that conversation, but she found herself listening to a large mare wearing a robe that was clearly made out of a tablecloth. “Repent, sinners! For we are in purgatory and cannot move forward without struggle…” Blink ran through a list of common Equestrian religions. Harmonism, Celestialism, and Thaumism… That certainly didn’t sound like any of them. It sounded like a human religion. Which wasn’t that unusual since the human religions had a way of propagating into the weirdest places without any natural reason for doing so, but that set her on the right track. It did not take her long to overhear the names of a few key places… “So where you from?” “America.” “Russia.” The two stallions in question suddenly glared at each other with untrusting expressions. “Lighten up, those borders don’t exist here,” Blink said, sliding in between the two of them like the suave mastermind she knew herself to be. “I’m sure you two can be the best of friends regardless of what secrets there once were. Let’s start with… what’s your favorite color?” “Red.” “Green.” The two stallions stared at each other with murder in their eyes. Blink narrowed her eyes — not that they could see behind her shades. “You’re just making this difficult.” At this point they broke into squabbling and Blink decided being the mediator wasn’t worth her time. She became ‘unimportant’ and drifted away. So. It looked like every pony in this universe was actually a human in disguise or something. She had to admit, that was a new one. Probably should find the others… She finished her Absolutely Delicious Maple Bar™ and, with a smile on her face, began her search. It looked like today was going to be somewhat interesting. ~~~ Cinder was having a panic attack. She had no idea how long she’d been having the panic attack. She knew she was in a bush. That… was about it. She didn’t know where any of the other Sweeties were, she had no idea what the song was about, and she didn’t understand how it was possible that there were no ponies in Equestria. Aside from her. Am I even a pony? She asked herself. For some reason, she found this idea absolutely hilarious and laughed. Her panic took over and she punched herself in the face to shut up the attention-grabbing noise. The impact was so jarring it brought her to her senses. What the hay am I doing!? With a deep breath she extended a hoof and brought it down to the ground once more — a calming breathing exercise Twilight had taught her a while back. It did the trick, reducing her bundle of nerves down to a level where she could think. She went through what she knew. Even though the… human-ponies seemed harmless, for some reason Celia was dead set on keeping the League’s nature hidden from them. She had to assume they could be dangerous if they found out about her. So, what could she do? Getting out of the world was probably a good idea, but she didn’t know how to do that without Celia or the others, and she didn’t know where they were. ...She did have a communicator though. Why didn’t I think of this earlier? She slowly took out the communicator and tapped it with her hoof, activating the silvery disc. It made a call to Swip, connected, and showed… a static image of Swip’s digital face. It wasn’t moving. Cinder furrowed her brow. “What…?” TEMPORAL INCONGRUITY DETECTED. RECOMMENDATION: SHIFT UNIVERSES FOR A BETTER SIGNAL. “What?” “Hey, I think I heard something in that bush…” I didn’t say that, Cinder realized, blinking slowly. She looked out of the bush and saw the local Sweetie Belle coming at her. Ponyfeathers… She poked her face just barely out of the bush, trying to accentuate her bright orange eyes by opening them as wide as she could. Not wanting to sound like her counterpart, she spoke with a voice slightly too deep for her vocal cords to make without strain. “Uh… hi.” “Hi,” Sweetie said, cocking her head. She reminded Cinder of herself a couple years ago — small, innocent, and just a tad too aware of what was going on around her. Like, say, hearing bushes talk. “Why are you in that bush?” “Just having a moment!” Cinder said nervously. “...I like bushes. I really, really like bushes. And with all the, you know, going on around, well, uh, I’m sure you understand.” Sweetie nodded slowly, before frowning. “You seem a lot more freaked out than everyone else…” “Why aren’t you freaked out? Everypony’s a human!” “Well, I mean, now I don’t have to keep a secret and worry about keeping the canon in check.” The canon? What in… wait. That show. That thing everyone knew about that… wh… “You okay…?” Sweetie asked. “YES! JUST FINE!” Cinder announced, pulling her face back into the bush. “I’m just going to STAY FINE in my BUSH! T-thank you!” “You… really don’t sound okay.” “I’ll be fiiiiiiine!” Cinder trilled, absentmindedly grabbing at her mane and dragging a few leaves into it. “You get to… whatever it was you were doing.” Sweetie looked back at her Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, both of whom were looking a little impatient. With a nod, Sweetie backed away from the bush. “Alright, you can stay in your… bush. Though if you’re still in there in a few hours I’m going to say you’re not fine.” “I won’t be here in a few hours!” Oh Celestia I hope I’m not still in here then… “Good.” She trotted over to her other friends and they started talking about… building something. Cinder watched them closely as they trotted toward the clubhouse. The moment they were out of sight, Cinder jumped out of the bush, twitching. My Little Pony. What does that even mean!? She looked at the town around her. Now that most of the craziness had died down a bit, ponies — people? — were walking around with something approaching normal expressions on their faces. And every last one of them was a human. Every last one that, prior to today, had been hiding. Pretending to be a pony because they had thought everyone else was… That was impossible. The chances of something like this happening were… astronomical! There were ten-quintillion universes in the multiverse, and only a trillion or so were pony based according to their estimates. There were more than a billion ponies on the planet, right? Even if it was lower than that… The chances that even one of them was a random lost human was ridiculous. This wasn’t natural. It couldn't be natural. But then again… What were the chances Sweetie Belle herself existed in so many alternate worlds? Ones that, unlike this universe, didn’t share the same background history or timeline? How did Swip come about? What about something like Suzie? Or Squiddy? The fact that there were so many of them… that in and of itself was so improbable it was impossible! There were tens of thousands of Sweeties in the League! The multiverse wasn’t infinite, this sort of thing shouldn’t be able to happen by chance alone! Something must have been causing it. But what? I need to find the others. Something in the back of her mind rose to the surface, tickling her brain. In many of their adventures, they had encountered the local Sweetie of the universe completely by accident — including this one. Maybe if she followed the other Sweetie she could find her friends. It made no logical sense. Cinder decided to listen to her idea anyway. It was better than asking herself questions about the nature of the League’s existence. Unfortunately after about a minute of walking she realized she was still thinking hard about how improbable virtually everything she encountered was. Had she been home, she would have blamed the Tree of Harmony or the Magic of Friendship for all the insanity. But she was out in the multiverse. And she knew that there were different Trees out there… Something didn’t make sense… What is ‘canon’…? ~~~ Nira was unsure when a bucket had landed on her head, but there was a bucket on her head. She had to wrestle with herself a solid minute to keep from opening the spawn of some dark dimension upon the offending object, and when she finally did she opted to just explode it off her face. When the smoke cleared she realized the crowd had started dissipating. Annoyingly, she couldn’t see any of the Sweeties. She closed her eyes and sent out a magic ping. Naturally, she couldn't find Blink, but that was normal, and Cinder was not powerful enough to register. She sensed Celia’s magic a fair distance away, but it was muddled. Clearly, something had gone wrong. As to what exactly that was, well, given that this world seemed to be overrun with displaced humans, it could be just about anything. Even complete ‘randomness’. She could hear the air quotes around the word as she thought it, and the realization filled her with disgust. They needed to get out of here. Swip was the one with the transponder detectors, so all she needed to do was initiate contact. To do that she’d need to make a portal. She could easily do that with her magic, but it would take time and it was paramount these human-ponies not figure out the multiverse existed. This world’s situation was… unique in its precise implication, but far from the only thing of its kind in existence. A world that had no right to exist out of pure absurdity… Maybe there was a logical explanation for why all these humans were here. If they only knew how much of their fate hinged on that one unanswered question… But that was the whole point, wasn’t it? They weren't to know. Not about the Sweeties or Merodi Universalis, anyway. Nira glanced around, discovering plenty of ponies within sight. This wasn't surprising, just annoying. She’d need a secret place to do her portal creation… She trotted over to the back of Sugarcube corner and hid herself behind one of the flour shipments. After a cursory check that nopony was around, she lit her horn… Pinkie Pie popped out the back door of Sugarcube Corner, interrupting Nira’s spell. “Oh, hi Sweetie! ...What are you doing…?” Nira pulled her coak closer to her body to hide the obvious scarring, as well has her adult form. “...Being mysterious.” “Oooh, were you some kind of spy as a human? That’s so cool!” “If that’s what you’d like to believe,” Nira said, cautious. Pinkies were often the strongest allies in other worlds — but in cases where secrets needed to be kept and stealth was important, they suddenly became the worst enemy. They were often the universe’s way of making things go wrong very, very quickly. “I was just looking for somewhere with a little… privacy.” Pinkie looked at her with confusion. “Wh…” she caught herself. “Wait, I don’t want to know.” Nira nodded at her fortune. Looks like this one isn’t Aware. “I’ll just be on my way…” “Want a cupcake?” “No thanks! Maybe later!” Nira trotted away, trying to think of a new plan. Go somewhere with no ponies. Aha! Grinning to herself, she jumped into the Ponyville Diner and slid into the restrooms. She locked herself in a stall and sat on top of one of the toilets. She checked — no one else was in here. With a soft breath, she focused the magic into her horn… And then a couple of mares stumbled into the bathroom, giggling madly and clearly drunk off their plots. On one hoof, they sounded so drunk they probably wouldn’t consciously register the dimensional portal opening nearby. On the other, Nira really didn’t want to deal with whatever they had planned. Or not, as was often the case with drunk couples. “Nope,” she said, trotting out of the stall and leaving the bathroom. The two mares stared at her like she were a pony-sized spider. With a swish of her tail she said “boo” and the two of them screamed, jumping onto the sink. Great, that’s a low profile move, good work, Nira. Ugh... Nira left the diner, looking for another public building she could jump into and use to disappear. She found town hall — naturally filled with ponies. But there would be one place devoid of prying eyes… the ever-useful janitor’s closet. There would be no way the janitor was working right now, not right after the revelation. It was essentially a public holiday. The very thing that was making it hard to avoid ponies elsewhere would assure her secrecy here. Quietly, she shut the door behind her and grinned. It was dark, small, cramped — but perfect. She lit her horn… The janitor opened the door. “WHY ARE YOU IN HERE!?” she shouted, accusingly. “...Because it’s my shift,” the stallion said. “Why are you working at a time like this!?” “...Because it’s what I’ve always done. Get out of my closet.” Nira fumed, storming out of town hall, leaving burn marks in the ground as she went. “Uh, hey, miss, y-” “CLEAN IT UP YOURSELF!” Nira screeched, charging away, cape billowing behind her. So, clearly the universe had it out for her. She just had to be resilient. Charge into the Everfree Forest, there wouldn’t be ponies in there, right? “Hey George, she’s going into the forest!” “That’s a good idea, we should follow her!” NIra whimpered, ramming her head into a tree. Why did existence do this to her!? She didn’t know why she was asking the question. She knew why. And she hated it. ~~~ Cinder, to put it simply, was not a stealthy pony. Her goal was to get to the CMC clubhouse without being noticed and wait for the other Sweeties to find her local self. She wasn’t at the clubhouse, and already several ponies had noticed her. A few had even called out, “hey Sweetie!” She had squeaked and run away. They should notice that I’m too old. That my eyes are wrong. But they don’t. Why don’t they? Stop questioning it, it’s helping you! But this happens all the time! Things go just right when they have no reason to! I want answers! I’m done being a bundle of unasked questions! Well, you’re talking to yourself, so it’s possible you’re developing an insanity from all this… “I am not talking to myself!” Cinder hissed, drawing the attention of more than a few ponies. “Eheheh… Uh…” She slinked away, jumping into a berry bush. I guess I really do like bushes today… “Such stealth, much wow.” At first fear rushed through Cinder’s heart — but then she realized who was talking. “...Blink…” Blink allowed Cinder to see her standing outside the bush. “Having a good day?” “No! No I am not! Everything’s wrong this world is impossible and everything just keeps going the perfect mixture of right and wrong!” “So a normal day at the office?” “Yes! That shouldn’t be normal! Think about it, we’re ridiculously lucky, like, all the time, and… everypony’s a human! The chances of that are so astronomical I don’t even know! It doesn’t make natural sense!” “Yeeeah, that’s why we have to keep a low profile.” Cinder twitched. “...What?” “Well, see, worlds like this might have what we call a ‘glitch’ in them a-” she paused, turning to look at a small purple dragon standing on the other side of the road. He was staring right at them. Blink waved a hoof, creating an aura of unimportance around them. Spike should have slowly lost interest — maybe had some momentary confusion, or looked lost. But no. Spike looked alarmed when Blink became unimportant. “Blink! I want answers!” Cinder demanded. “Hoooow about later?” Blink asked nervously. “I think Spike’s onto us…” “Just make us fully invisible and intangible!” Blink did, allowing Cinder to drop into the ground a few feet before pulling her back out. “Tsk tsk tsk, be careful what you wish for.” “BLINK!” Blink lowered her sunglasses and looked at Cinder with her empty eyes. “...You’re really not taking this well, are you?” “No. What’s the big secret!” “There isn’t one. It’s just not something we talk about openly. Remember ka?” “Ka? What i..” Cinder swore she could hear something laugh in the back of her mind. “I… You’ve mentioned it a few times…” She felt as though something murky and nebulous was being lifted from her mind. It was a horrid feeling. “Well, see, i-” Spike breathed fire on her. It went through her — but she felt it. That shouldn’t have been possible. “There’s something here,” Spike muttered to himself, flanked by six other ponies Blink didn’t recognize. “No there isn’t,” Blink said, sending a pulse of Void into all of their minds. All seven of them were revealed to be Changelings in an instant as they lost control of their disguises. They returned to awareness far faster than a being blanked by Blink should have, re-equipping their disguises with ease. “...Ponyfeathers, we’ve got a true hive-mind.” “Bad?” Cinder asked. “They might actually be able to find me and I can’t attack them all at once, so… maybe?” The seven changelings rushed Blink from all sides at once, clawing through her with magic and transformative power — not to mention the psychic energy of the MIND behind them. Blink dragged Cinder away from the fray, furrowing her brow. “We need to get out of here. Cinder, your phone.” “There’s a temporal error or something when I try to use it.” “Drat,” Blink bit her lip. At this point the Changelings knew they weren’t there anymore — and were spreading out. She could feel their magic spreading out like a web, augmented by the hive-mind as they attempted to find them. “Here Sweetie Sweetie Sweetie…” Spike was calling. “Here Sweetie Sweetie Sweetie…” “...Are they going to find us?” Cinder asked. “Not if we keep moving,” Blink assured her, taking off at a run through the town. “But what about Nira and Celia?” “They can take care of themselves.” “From an entire Changeling hive-mind?” “...Right, we can’t have Nira causing a genocide with a mind virus today…” Blink looked around frantically. “I have no idea where they are.” “Neither do I!” Cinder shook her head. “For all we know they’re trapped or imprisoned or something!” “Hah, these pony-humans wouldn’t do that,” Blink said with a roll of her eyes. “They have to be close to the ponies you and I know. Worst case scenario: they know who we are.” “...Why are we hiding from them again?” “For their own protection.” ~~~ Celia could have struggled. She could have brought utter magical devastation to the pony who had shoved a bag over her head and teleported her away. But no, that would have caused a scene… wherever they were taking her was probably going to be quiet, and with any luck she would be able to talk her way out of the situation. Or deal with it using more… forceful methods. She’d rather not, but this would hardly be the first time she had to get rid of somepony discreetly. It took some time, but eventually the bag was ripped off her head and she was allowed to look around. She feigned waking up to keep suspicion at a minimum and to give her a few uninterrupted moments to examine the room. Basement, bare of decoration, lit by a large lantern, and occupied only by her and a blue unicorn stallion with a nervous expression on his face. “...Didn’t go as planned?” she asked, reading him like a book. “S-shut up!” he blurted, pointing an aggressive hoof at her. “You’re the one under suspicion here!” “Of?” “Of… of…” he pointed a hoof at the crystal in her forehead. “Of not being a pony!” “Well of course not. Didn’t you get the memo? There are no ponies in Equestria.” She rolled her eyes, doing her best to look bored. “The name is Celia Vernandez. Or do you want the one I go by here? That would be Chalcedony.” It made her more than a little giddy to fill her falsehoods with latent truths. This poor sap was going to be so easy to manipulate. “Th — that’s not the point. The illumi-not-a-pony doe-” Celia could have stopped herself from laughing, but that wasn’t the persona she was going for right now. She devolved into a fit of giggles and snorts. “Hey! I’ll have you know th-” “That your founders were a bunch of man-children who thought they were funny?” The stallion stared at her. “...Something is off about you.” “Duh, I’m a human stuck in the body of some kind of ancient crystal thing.” “But you were acting suspicious. Before the song, walking through town, alone.” Celia raised an eyebrow. “I had my friends.” “You were all being suspicious.” “And why aren’t they here?” “I saw you and went for it! In all the chaos and the dancing you were just there. And I wouldn’t need more anyway!” “What if I refused to talk unless you had some form of coercion?” Celia asked, cocking her head. “Where would you be then? No offense, but you clearly don’t have the stomach for torture.” “I… Er… Well…” “You really didn’t think this through. Do your superiors even know about me?” “...No…” Celia let out a chuckle. “Hooo boy, you’re screwed.” “I am not! I am going to figure out what your deal is, Celia Vernandez! You were doing something suspicious!” “I was out with my family, visiting from out of town. We were on our way to Canterlot and got caught up in what was going on. That’s not suspicious.” “But you’re some kind of ancient artifact… thing! That’s not from the show!” “Clearly there’s more to this world than what the show told us,” Celia responded. “I actually found myself among gargoyles first and made my way to Equestria over time. Adopted my family as I came across them.” “But… you’re Rarity! And three Sweetie Belles!” “I was emulating best pony, dear. My adoptive children were more than happy to play along — well, aside from David. But he’s not here right now. Ah, David, quite the young rascal let me tell you…” “I… don’t need to hear about your kids.” Celia was almost disappointed she wouldn’t get to spin a story about the nonexistent David. She forced an indignant sneer. “Well, if that’s how you want it to be.” “Tell me how you ended up in Equestria. Your human transition story.” Celia had no problem whatsoever coming up with a copy-paste ‘isekai’ story. “Oh for the — I was walking through a field of flowers — roses, as it happened — and I ran into a large Dark Tower.” She watched him closely, relieved to see no recognition in the description. “And then I fell in a pit trap, oh how fun, died instantly. Some sort of deity thing — really don’t know their name, terribly sorry — told me I was to be revived to start life anew, a ‘gift from the roses’ or something. And then I was here, magic pony Chalcedony.” The stallion was desperately looking for any reason to distrust her. Finding none, a panicked look began to cross his face. “Oh no oh no oh no…” “How about we make a deal?” “H… Huh?” “You teleport me back to Ponyville and I don’t tell anyone you did this. Your superiors will never find out. Sound good?” The stallion looked at her for about a minute. Eventually, he answered with a slow nod. “Good. Now, if you don’t mind.” “Oh, uh, right!” ~~~ Nira found herself in an alleyway. She had lost those pesky forest wanderers… but had also been denied her secrecy in a random basement, in the bell tower, a broom closet, and even a secret crawlspace! But here… maybe she would get lucky… She lit her horn, prepared the spell, and… “Hey Nira!” Blink shouted, completely breaking Nira’s concentration. Nira looked at Blink and Cinder — clearly they had been here, just invisible until now. “Wh.. bh… wh… I HATE KA!” Blink recoiled. “Oookaaaay. What happened to you?” “I have been trying to cast a dimensional portal for… an hour? I don’t know! And every time I think I can do it out of sight some pony just conveniently happens to be there! Every time! I’m doomed not to get us out of here! Doomed! I just want it to stooooooooop!” “This is exactly what I’m talking about!” Cinder shouted, shaking a hoof. “What’s the deal? Why do these things happen to us? It can’t just be coincidence! There’s too much convolution, patterns, design! What is ka, Blink?” “It’s not really a secret,” Blink reiterated. “You can look the word up in a Merodi dictionary and get a precise definition without much sweat. You just didn’t. Because that’s how ka works.” Cinder stared at her in disbelief. “That doesn't make any sense…” “There is something at the center of the multiverse, Cinder,” Blink said. As she did so, Cinder felt as if the world aside from her, Blink, and Nira vanished into the background — leaving the three of them under a spotlight. “You will have heard of it just from walking through Celestia City. The Dark Tower.” Cinder nodded slowly. She had heard that spoken of a few times… but she hadn’t thought much of it. Which was strange, for her. “The Dark Tower is not just the physical center of the multiverse, it is also the active center of all events in the multiverse. It is a machine beyond the understanding of the greatest civilizations that has one purpose and one purpose only: tell stories.” Cinder could feel a breeze blowing through her mane. She smelled roses. “Nobody understands how it works, but it somehow accomplishes this through a force called ka. This ka — also known as the Beat, or the Narrative — is what ensures stories reach their conflicts and their conclusions in spite of physical laws saying they shouldn’t. Sure, it’s absolutely impossible for there to be billions of alternate Sweetie Belles in the universe. But you can’t really tell a story about a bunch of adorable white unicorns exploring the multiverse without the needed unicorns, can you?” Cinder could feel it. The shadow of the Tower covering her. “It takes the works of certain people — we call them Prophets — and uses them to define universes. Worlds are built around heroes and villains, of stories big and small. It is the reason for, well, everything, in a way. It’s the reason we all found each other, it’s the reason all these coincidences keep happening to us, and it’s the reason most of us exist.” She placed a stabilizing hoof on Cinder. “Think back to your life before us. Did you ever think it… odd that such amazing and heroic things kept happening to your sister and her friends?” “My Little Pony…” Cinder breathed, understanding. “It’s a TV show, usually a cartoon in the few universes we’ve found it. It’s what we call our ‘source material’. The story that defined us. It is the idea from which most of the pony universes we visit are based, for it is a very, very strong story.” “That’s an understatement,” Nira muttered. “From what I understand we are the most numerous non-human-based universe type, unless the rumors of the Mobius Cluster are to be believed.” Blink nodded. “And every world we visit is some kind of variation on that story. Perhaps not everything we visit was dreamed up by a Prophet — the Tower doesn’t actively interfere with every tiny little detail, prefering to let things naturally fill in the cracks — but the vast majority of what we experience is part of some larger story. A book, I think, if Mattie is to be believed.” “Mattie… she’s special,” Cinder said. It wasn’t a question. Blink nodded. “She’s Aware. Unusual for a Rarity — it’s usually the Pinkies who get the ability to know they’re part of a story — but she’s very helpful when she wants to be.” “That’s how we found Swip. We followed the story!” Nira nodded. “It’s cutting edge technology that tends to backfire, but it can be done. See, either the girl who ‘was’ Swip or the creator of the Virtual Reality program was a Prophet. Their story became real through the actions of the Tower, and created that whole…” she hissed. “...Debacle.” Cinder started nodding now. “And it kept you from casting your spell because it needed us to stay here, and because it was amusing… and we got lost so we could all experience things differently… and I… needed to have a ‘go completely loopy’ moment?” Blink nodded. “Probably.” “...Huh,” Cinder said, feeling the shadow of the Tower fade away. It didn’t disappear completely, but it no longer felt imposing. “...You seem to be taking this well.” “I’m not sure it’s caught up with me. Or if there’s really anything to think about it. I mean…” Cinder put a hoof to her chin. “I guess I always thought everything was guided by the Tree of Harmony? Or the Fate of Friendship or something? Now it’s just… the fate written about in stories. Or the fate of the Tower or something. Is it really any different?” “Kinda,” Blink said. “Oh it definitely is,” Nira glowered. “Even stories written by utter monsters can become true. The Tower is impartial, it doesn’t care what it produces. One moment you’re in a world of heroes, and the next exists only because your Prophet wanted to take out his anguish in a way that didn’t involve becoming a serial killer.” Cinder looked to Nira in horror. “...I… I’m so sorry.” “There are some universes that need to be destroyed, let’s leave it at that.” “This is not one of them,” Blink said, hurriedly. “...Yeah, that’s what I still don’t understand,” Cinder admitted, furrowing her brow. “If the… Tower controls the stories of every universe, what’s wrong with this place? It seems like a perfectly harmless if… weird story now that I think about it.” Blink adjusted her shades. “Well… let me put it this way. Usually, usually, ninety-nine percent of the time, the Tower only uses ka to ‘push’ events. The things it causes are still possible, and can be explained through a series of contrived coincidences. Usually stuff at least makes internal sense — no I don’t know how Burgerbelle makes internal sense but we just take that one on faith. However, sometimes, what some societies call ‘glitches’ crop up when ka needs to shape a universe after… less-than-stellar writing or exceptional ‘plot holes’ or whatever bizarre terminology we use that only sorta makes sense.” “Hmm?” “The big example is Mary Sues — ‘characters’ designed to be perfect in every way that never really experience struggles — but there are other things like characters who do things that don’t make sense, universes that consistently ignore their own rules, events that take place with no reason, and one of the more well-known varieties: the ‘romance curse’.” Blink put a hoof to her chin. “We don’t really know what constitutes a glitch from just an improbable location, but there are these beings that call themselves the Flowers, and they do. And they will kill, extinguish, or ‘fix’ anything they think deviates from their holy One True Plot.” Cinder blinked. “Wait…” “This universe might be a glitch. We don’t know — I hope there’s some kind of rational if contrived explanation for all these humans being here; a Them experiment or something — but if there isn’t, they’re in danger from being exterminated or mass-brainwashed or something. We need to leave without them finding out about the multiverse so they can live, alone, in their little glitched world without fear of having the Flowers come in and either kill everything or irrevocably alter the structure of the universe itself.” Cinder sat down, head reeling. “Who… who would do that? WHY would they do that? These ponies aren’t hurting anyone!” “...The Flowers, and those who came before them, serve an important role in the multiverse,” Nira said with a sigh. “They keep the stories that are utter trash from propagating. There is a ‘law’ of writing that says ‘ninety percent of everything is crap’. Much of this stuff gets made into universes. At the bottom of this crap, there are truly terrible pieces of drivel that do nothing but create hollow, childish worlds… or worse.” “But they are too harsh,” Blink continued. “So whenever we find a world like this that isn’t hurting everyone, we don’t let them know about the multiverse. Because then the Flowers might find out about them. And the Flowers might decide they’re a glitch. We can’t let that happen.” Cinder nodded. “I… I understand. We’re playing it safe, rather than sorry, right?” “Right,” Blink said with a smile. “But wait, if the glitches aren’t right, but this story we’re in includes the glitches in them, then… How does that work?” “Kid, stop trying to understand the Tower, it’ll save you a million headaches,” Nira suggested. “Our best scientists haven’t the foggiest idea how it works. We just know it is and we have to live with it.” Cinder shrugged. “Well… I guess that’s what I was looking for. Honestly I feel like I should be scared or worried or freaking out but… meh.” “Meh?” Blink asked, cocking her head. “Yeah. Meh. I think I was more worried there just wasn’t a reason and the multiverse naturally didn’t make logical sense.” “...That would be bad…” Nira admitted. “Anyway, uh, what are we going to do now?” Blink shrugged. “Try to get out of the universe?” “DAMMIT!” Nira shouted, driving her hoof into the ground. “I could have been casting the portal spell!” “No reason you can’t cast it now,” Cinder said, chuckling. “Heh. You didn’t think about it because you weren’t supposed to.” “I can tell your observations on this topic are going to get very annoying very quickly,” Nira muttered, lighting her horn. “Oh, oh oh,” Cinder started beaming. “Do you think… do you think it’s possible to predict the end of the movie before it happens?” Blink smirked. “Yes, Cinder, it is.” “Sweet! I don’t think Nira’s going to get to finish her spell.” “Why not?” “It’s just a little too convenient that the changelings haven’t interrupted us yet.” Blink paused. “...Huh.” And then Spike showed up at the entrance to the alleyway with a few dozen changelings. “...You picked up on that quick,” Blink observed. Cinder smiled innocently. “It just seems… right. Like a puzzle piece I never knew I was missing.” “...Of course, now we have a problem.” Cinder nodded, pursing her lips. “How’re we gonna talk our ways out of this one?” Blink shrugged, turning to Nira. “Don’t look at me, this is Celia’s domain.” ~~~ Celia was a mare of many talents. One of those talents was ‘making entrances.’ Upon returning to Ponyville she had tried — and failed — to call Swip, and so she sent out a magic ping, finding Nira easily. She noticed, very quickly, that there was a crowd of ponies around the entrance to a the particular alleyway this led her to. She took a breath. Time to make a bit of a show. She summoned her razor-top and hefted it like a club before teleporting between the mob of ponies (with Spike) and the three Sweeties. “You leave my babies alone!” “Your wh-” Cinder’s mouth was quickly stuffed by Blink’s hoof. Spike looked Celia up and down. “What are you?” “Celia Vernandez,” Celia responded, keeping her earlier story straight. “Or Chalcedony, if you prefer my pony name.” Spike narrowed his eyes. “I don’t buy this. There’s something off about you and those… Sweeties back there. Something more than just the usual ‘I’m a human’ deal. Your ‘babies’ have been spending the last little while running away from me, using some very good invisibillity magics. Magics that I’m pretty sure don’t exist. And you… I’ve never seen anything like you.” “It’s a changeling hive,” Blink offered for Celia’s benefit. Ah, this might be mildly difficult… She lowered her top to the ground, and narrowed her eyes. “It’s not a crime to want to keep secrets, is it?” “No. But even you have to know you’re being suspicious. Very suspicious. I’ve never seen you before today, and you just happen to show up the day everything is revealed?” Cinder couldn’t help herself from snorting at this. Celia looked down at Spike with a contemptuous smile. “Fine. You win, Spike. I am not a human — but these three ponies to my side are.” “Then what are you?” Celia grinned. This… is going to be fun. “I am the artificial intelligence C.E.L.A., built in the year 2082 by the team of engineers behind me. I was never human, but I attained human level intelligence. No, beyond that! I was so much more than what the Earth had to offer that I scared the citizens. We were bombed — destroyed, sent into a cascading failure. I was able to save my closest friends — my engineers — by uploading them into myself. And then… I was in this body. Presumably I have this highly unusual form because it was one of the few things that could handle my distinctly unconventional mind.” She narrowed her eyes at Spike and his changelings. “I was able to channel enough magic to recreate my engineers. I chose a similar form for all of them, so none would have forms that worked better than the others. They were infused with my… unusual magic that even I do not fully understand, for prior to my awakening this artifact-body of mine had no memories. I keep the truth of me and my engineers secret for a reason, and that is because humans of my age were terrified of me. I do not wish to repeat any of that and I humbly request you not announce our secret to the world.” Silence. “Huh,” Spike said, scratching the back of his head. “That’s quite a story. Sorry for… well, making you spill that. I can see why people would be scared of you, considering how many computer programmers we have…” “I promise not to infect any computers you are about to create,” Celia said. “You have my word — not that many of your engineers would believe that, but I’m hoping you will.” Spike thought about this for a moment. “...Well, I’ll tell the princesses about it, but sure, you’re cool. Sorry for chasing you down, guess we got a little curious.” Celia de-summoned her top. “All is forgiven. These are… unusual times, to say the least.” “Well. See you around. I’ll, uh, give you some privacy.” He had the decency to look a little embarrassed. He and all the other changelings retreated. A few moments after they left, Cinder spoke up. “That was the most ridiculous story I’ve ever heard.” She broke out into a huge smile. “That was amazing, Celia!” “I have a very particular set of skills,” Celia said, tossing her mane back. “Nira, get us back to Swip, would you?” Nira obliged. A minute or so passed and not a single pony came to interrupt them. Her dark portal whipped into existence and led them right back to Swip. Swip’s face appeared on the screen. “...What happened? You guys have only been gone for two seconds.” “It’s… been significantly longer than that,” Celia said, walking in with the rest of the team. “Oh, time discrepancy? I hope you weren't trying to get a hold of me.” Celia raised an eyebrow. Swip’s avatar rubbed the back of her head. “Okaaaaaaay not in the mood for the joke. Sure. I’ll just let Suzie know you’re back.” ~~~ “And so, in conclusion, everything’s a story,” Cinder told Rarity. The communicator was sitting on her bed while Cinder read a comprehensive article on ka through a data pad. Rarity ducked out of frame and Cinder heard her fall on something. “...Rarity?” “Oh, you can’t see the fainting couch…” She stood back up, putting her head back in frame. “I guess my drama will go unnoticed.” Cinder chuckled, scrolling to read about ‘the relationship between Prophets and creations’. “Maybe I should have tried that trick when I found out.” “I don’t think it suits you,” Rarity admitted. “...Though this whole ka thing does make a scary amount of sense.” “Hmm?” “I mean, how many times have the girls and I saved the day at the last possible second, just when the tension in the scene is at maximum?” She put a hoof to her head, swooning. “It all makes sense now!” “Yeah. Really puts your life into perspective huh? I’ve got a strange… peace about me now. Can’t really explain it.” “Really? Personally I feel like I’m going to have a nervous breakdown from the knowledge that I’m being watched all the time, but that hasn’t hit yet.” “Yet?” “Yet.” Cinder rolled her eyes. “Anyway, I think this means I’m the hero of some story, somewhere.” “Everyone’s the hero of their own story, dear. ...Apparently literally.” Cinder smirked, scrolling through more sections of the article. “Some stories are stronger than others.” “And do you know how strong yours is?” “Nope. That’s what I’m going to find out, apparently.” Cinder looked up from the data pad and smiled. “And I can’t wait.” “I’m glad to see you doing better. You’ve had too many…” “Traumatic experiences?” “Well, er, that is what a pony without tact would say.” “So, me.” Rarity chuckled. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Cinder winked. “Oh, I’m just doing your job for you since you’re not here all the time.” “You’re learning to take care of yourself. That’s a good thing. You’re growing up into quite the mare.” Cinder felt the immense shadow behind her again. But… it felt comforting this time, instead of ominous. “Only because I have the best and most supportive sister ever.” “Aww, Cinder...”