//------------------------------//
// 8. - Battle of the Bands 
// Story: Principal Noses and Ancient Roses 
// by Irrespective 
//------------------------------//

Something smelled fishy.

Normally, Mister Bean would not be troubled by this, given his profession. He personally enjoyed a finely smoked salmon on occasion, and his pan roasted halibut with herbed corona beans had won his parent’s restaurant rave reviews from the local food critics. When done properly, fish was a flavorful and healthy meal with a wide variety of options for even the most discerning of tastes.

But Mister Bean wasn’t in any kitchen at the moment, nor did Canterlot High serve fish. The district used a horrible cod-like substitute that made Bean gag whenever it was prepared, and if all went well, it would be exterminated from the school’s menu by late next month.

No, something smelled fishy because Mister Bean knew there were three extradimensional troublemakers who were trying to turn the student body into their personal all-you-can-eat buffet of energy, but they weren’t doing anything particularly villainous at the moment. If the war novels he had read were anything to go by, their lack of action meant that the school was now in the tense lull that came before the fury of battle, or popcorn kernels just before they began banging away inside the pot.

This forced him into action, and he strode down the empty hallways with a plan. He knew there was probably no way for him to directly counter any sort of magic spell, but there were feints and sleights that could be utilized to throw off the sirens and force them to alter their plans. The first thing was to ensure that the commanding officers—Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna—remained safe and away from the enemy combatants as much as possible, and there was one person who would be perfect for the mission.

A smile came to Mister Bean when he rounded the last corner and found Deputy Star Struck standing just outside the door to the main office. He had a look of confusion on his face, and Bean thought he heard the school resource officer mutter something about Luna being in the ladies’ room before shaking his head and offering a hand.

“Mornin’, Mister Bean. You’re lookin’ rather determined.”

“There’s a good reason for that. Do you have a minute?”

“Course. What’s on your mind?”

“The Battle of the Bands, to be honest. The students here are really getting into the competition, and I don’t think it’s in a good way.”

“Aye, they do seem to be taking this whole thing a bit too seriously, don’t they? Ah’d almost be willin’ to say that some kind of evil kelpie is workin’ their dark magics here.”

Mister Bean paused for a moment to compare what he had been told about the sirens of Equestria to the mythological beasts of the lochs, and he nodded in agreement. “Wouldn’t surprise me if it was something like that, to be honest. I was just wondering if you had any emergency plans or protocols in place for this. One officer against a whole mob of angry students doesn’t seem right.”

“Aye, and Ah appreciate the concern. Ah’ve talked to the Sheriff about the matter, and he’s got a couple of officers on notice if things turn well shan. They’ve altered their patrols so as to be close by if needed, and the whole force knows about what’s going on. They’ll be keeping a keen ear on the radio for any trouble. For now, it’ll just be me here; a heavy police presence would just unnerve the kids and their parents, especially since we don’t have any credible threats. If you can help me keep an eye on everybody, we should be able to keep these hooligans under control.”

“Sure, I’d love to help out. Maybe it would be wise if you stayed near Celestia and Luna?”

“Not a bad idea, but probably for the best that Ah don’t stand too close. Don’t want everyone thinkin’ that Ah’m on guard duty. Officially, Ah’m just here to enjoy the showcase, nothin’ more.”

“Gotcha.” Mister Bean nodded, but his heart skipped a beat in joy as he returned the wave of Principal Celestia.

“Hello again, Mister Bean. Is there something I can assist you with?” Celestia asked with a warm smile.

“No, I just wanted to tag along and see the opening round of the Battle, if I may.”

“Of course you may! I would love to have you in attendance.”

“You would?” Bean asked as his heart began to flutter in his chest.

“Indeed. The competition will be fierce, and tempers may flare,” she said with a quick wink. “It would be best to have you there to help with crowd control, as it were.”

“I’d love to help out, but I may have to step out to prepare that lunch I promised.”

“I do not think that will be necessary.” Vice Principal Luna put a hand on her slightly swollen stomach and pulled a brief disgusted face. “After such a large breakfast, I doubt any of us will need another meal until next Tuesday, at the earliest.”

“Well, if you change your mind, I’d be happy to whip something light up for you,” Mister Bean replied. “Maybe a nice berry parfait.”

“I’m sure it would be delicious,” Celestia said as she pushed the door to the gymnasium open. Most of the students had already arrived, and there was an eager air of anticipation that tasted like salt and smelled like basil, for some odd reason. The principal then gently grabbed Bean’s arm and tugged him off to one side, and he quite thoroughly enjoyed the goosebumps that came from the contact.

“Mister Bean, I have a rather large favor to ask of you.”

“Y-you do?”

“Yes. Deputy Star Struck does not know about the sirens, and my sister is still under their influence. It falls upon me and you to ensure that they do not gain any more power until Princess Luna completes the counterspell. I need you to keep an eye on them; make sure they are contained and away from the bands as they compete.”

“I can do that.”

“I also need you to watch me, especially when they are performing or if they come close to my sister and me at any time. There is a chance that they could work their spell and entrap my mind once again.”

“I’ll do what I can, but how am I supposed to stop them if they do try something?”

“I’m afraid I do not know of any one specific thing you could do, but I do trust that you will know, somehow. Your singing freed me the last time, so perhaps that is your best defense against them.”

Mister Bean’s eyes darted back and forth for a moment as he thought. “When did I sing to you?”

“Last night, as you were checking the inventory lists. I suppose you were not singing to me directly, but the effect was the same.”

Mister Bean felt some heat in his cheeks, and his gaze went to his shoes. “I didn’t know you heard that. I probably sounded like a cockatiel being strangled by a bullfrog.”

“Not at all. Your singing voice is quite pleasing to the ear. If the sample from last night is representative of your overall ability, I think you should sing more.” The smallest twitch made the corner of her lips turn up and she added, “Of course, that is my personal opinion. I wouldn’t want to lose such a fine employee in the cafeteria to the choir.”

“Oh, well,” Mister Bean stammered. “I’ll think about it.”

“Please do, and thank you again for your assistance. I greatly appreciate your willingness and dedication.” She turned to leave, but paused halfway and smiled over her shoulder to him. “You know, if your pony counterpart is anything like you, Princess Celestia is a very lucky horse.”

“I think he’d say he’s the one who is lucky, since he has you. I mean her,” he hastily added. “You know, since they’re married, and husbands usually think they got the better end of the deal. Or, y’know, that they found their better half. At least I think any good husband should think that. Husbands, that is.”

Celestia nodded. “I like that notion as well.”

“Speaking of my pony double, where is he, anyway?”


 * *  ✹ * * 


“Uh, Your Highness? You gonna be all right?” Applejack put her hand on Prince Bean’s withers, but the action did nothing to stop his nervous prancing.

“I think so. I’m just really worried about what’s going to happen. My track record against villains and ne’er-do-wells is abysmal, and there’s a possibility I’ve corrupted our efforts. What if the sirens can feel my magic? What if they’ve seen me like this, somehow? What if they see me now?”

“Relax, darling,” Rarity gently admonished with a scratch behind his ears. “Worrying about what could be won’t help—my goodness!” Both of her hands began to run through his mane. “Do you use conditioner, Your Highness?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I simply must know what brand you use! I’ve never felt hair so soft and luxuriant!” She sniffed quickly. “Is that strawberries and cream?”

“I think it’s a special formula made specifically for my wife’s mane. It’d be one big knot otherwise. I’ll ask her for the recipe when I get back.”

“I think you’re definitely going to tip them off if you walk into the gym like that,” Rainbow Dash said while gesturing to his whole pony self. “Rarity is right; you gotta relax.”

“Okay.” Bean forced all four of his hooves to the ground, and he took slow, even breaths to settle his nerves. “I’m sorry I’m so paranoid about all of this.”

“It’s completely understandable, Your Highness,” Rarity said while the others nodded in agreement. “But nothing like that is going to happen this time. You have Princess Luna here with you, and none of us want the sirens to succeed. No matter what it takes, we will win this battle and make those horrible manipulators pay for their deceitful deviousness!”

“Did you just swallow a dictionary or something?” Rainbow asked dryly.

“Why don’t you just stay with Princess Luna?” Fluttershy asked.

“I had the same thought, but she’s worried that the sirens are going to try and attack you directly, somehow. She wanted me to make sure they don’t get that chance.”

“But Principal Celestia would never let someone interfere with a band’s performance.”

“Unless she falls under their spell again. We don’t know what got her out of it the first time, so there’s that risk.”

“Do you think they could trap you, somehow?”

“I say yes, but Princess Luna says no. Either I’m safe because my magic is tied into Princess Celestia’s, or I’m protected because I can turn back into a pony. She thinks my energy reserves have not completely recovered since Tirek and my abduction by Chrysalis, thus, my transformation is likewise incomplete, and that would mean that their magic has nothing to really grab onto. I didn’t quite fully understand it, but it sounded something like trying to paint a wall that has several large holes in it.”

“Ah suppose that makes sense,” Applejack said with a scratch of her head. “Still, the more people—and ponies—to keep an eye on the sirens, the better.”

“You can stay with me backstage, Your Highness,” Sunset offered. “There’s some good places where you can hide and still keep an eye on what’s going on. Trust me, I used to use them a lot.”

“Is that how you got that photo of me and Zephyr Breeze?” Rainbow huffed. “He has been bugging me non-stop to go out with him ever since then.”

“He has been pretty insistent on that,” Fluttershy added with a small giggle. “He spends a lot of time posing in front of his mirror and thinking of ways to ask you to, um, ‘roll in the hay’ with him.”

“I did not need to know that,” Rainbow groaned. “Ugh. No offense, Fluttershy, but your brother makes me wanna puke.”

“I think your idea should work, Sunset.” Prince Bean shivered as his transformation back to humanity finished, and he quickly checked to make sure his clothes were on straight. “Honestly, I think the bigger risk is the other bands. They all want to be the best, and I’m sure somepony is going to try to sabotage you. Sunset and I can make sure that doesn’t happen, and we can make sure the Dazzlings don’t corrupt Principal Celestia again, either.”

“Hey, nobody messes with my band!” Rainbow proclaimed. “I’d like to see those sirens try to do something!”

“Our band!” Applejack countered.





“Welcome to the first ever Canterlot High School Battle of the Bands!” Principal Celestia proclaimed to her students. “I believe I speak for everyone when I say it is, by far, the greatest thing that we have ever done here at this school.”

Celestia had to fight back a wave of nausea while her students cheered, but she knew she had to keep up appearances. The sirens would pull out all the stops to control her again if they suspected she had somehow been released from their spell.

“We are so grateful that our three newest students encouraged us to turn this event into something exciting!” Celestia continued with a smile and an outstretched hand towards the miserable miscreants. It was clear now that they were up to something; she’d seen those smug smiles and casual poses a hundred times before, and not once had they ended with something good.

Those three were going to wish they’d never stepped foot on her campus by the time she was done with them. Although without a proper dungeon like her pony counterpart, all she could really impose would be double-secret detention.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Luna’s tug at the microphone she held, and she released it quickly. “But, as this is now a competition, we can only choose one winner. Who is it going to be?”

Luna’s words had an interesting effect on the assembled students. Normally, there would be friendly challenges and the usual boasting about skill, but it would all be in fun. The bands would wish each other good luck, and it would be clear that, no matter who won, the students would be happy and harbor no ill will.

What Celestia saw in the faces of her students was the complete opposite. The anger and malice was so thick that she could cut it with a knife, and for a moment, it looked like a few fist fights might break out. Everyone was convinced that they were the best, and they were going to prove it, no matter the cost.

She was immensely glad that Prince Bean and Princess Luna were now dealing with the issue, but she did wish that they would hurry. She was concerned for the overall welfare of her students, of course, but there was the growing concern of a lawsuit if a parent-slash-guardian somehow found out their little darling had been brainwashed during her watch. Those nice young men in their clean white coats would come and take her away once the Inquisition Board heard her explain why it had happened.

“Our first contestants will be MC Snips and DJ Snazzy Snails,” Luna announced. “Good luck to everyone, and may the best band win.”

Celestia’s heart ached when she saw her students leer and glare at each other with the announcement. This was not Canterlot High. This was not the school she had grown to love, nor were these the students that she cared for more than herself. This was all wrong, and she was going to make it right, even if it meant the end of her career.

As deeply as she hated cheating and dishonesty, she was going to make sure the Rainbooms made it to the finals.


 * * 🥘 * * 


“Do you feel that, girls? Our true power is returning. And that’s before we’ve tapped into the strongest magic here.”

Mister Bean remained motionless while he listened to the big-haired leader above him brag to her compatriots. He had taken up a defensible position at the end of the bleachers near where they were sitting, and this little bit of intel proved that his unexpected twin was right.

“But the Rainblossoms, or whatever they’re called, aren’t under our spell. How, exactly, are we supposed to get to their magic?” the purple one asked.

“The Rainbooms are just as capable of falling apart as anyone else. They just need a little push in the wrong direction. I have a feeling everyone here is going to be lining up to give them a shove.”

Mister Bean drew in a long and silent breath as he thought. These three needed to be stopped, but what could he possibly do that would have any effect?

The answer hit him like a frying pan to the face, and it almost took his breath away while giving him a slight headache. If the Rainbooms could fall apart, so could the Dazzlings. The snarky tone of the purple subordinate showed they didn’t see eye-to-eye on the plan, and that animosity could be used to his advantage.

Mister Bean smiled when he caught sight of the Rainbooms as they entered the gym and nervously walked up to the stage. The assembled bands were so busy with their own arguments that they failed to notice Sunset and another Bean entering from a side door, nor did they notice when Sunset smuggled the Prince backstage. He had heard some stories about Sunset’s prior dictatorship over the school, and any good dictator would need hidden surveillance to maintain their position. Her plan was obvious: keep Prince Bean near the Rainbooms to counter any attempts at sabotage, but while still staying out of sight. It was effective in its simplicity, and Mister Bean had to admire the tenacity of the young woman. She was defending students that hated her and doubted her every move. It it were him, he probably would let the Sirens win as payback for the lack of forgiveness, but she was better than that.

Mister Bean slowly moved out of his spot while Sunset surreptitiously rejoined the Rainbooms and quietly walked over towards the nearest band. It was time for the Dazzlings to get a taste of their own medicine.


 * *  ✹ * * 


Prince Bean had come to a very important conclusion.

If what he was hearing passed as “music” in this world, then humans were, collectively and in their entirety, tone-deaf. He had the benefit of not currently being able to see the train wreck as it happened, but he seriously doubted that was helping to lessen the pain.

“Everybody knows my favorite color is orange! My rhymes are so fly, they’re better than… um…”

Bean smacked his forehead with that one. They had to be making this up as they went along. There was no other explanation.

“Than an orange, yo!”

“Yeah! Represent!”

Prince Bean shook his head as he listened to MC Snips and DJ Snazzy Snails stutter and stammer some jumbled lyrics, clearly having no decent way to end their song. He winced when a sharp, high-pitched whine of feedback flooded the gym, and for a moment, he wondered if he had gone deaf.

“Please do not drop the microphones,” Celestia ordered.

Prince Bean pinched the bridge of his nose. At least there was one band that wouldn’t stand in the way of the Rainbooms.

A stab of pain in his human leg forced a sharp breath, and he shuffled sideways to rub the injured appendage and to keep from knocking something over. He was going to need to soak in a hot bath for a month when he was done with this, but maybe Celly would give him a long and relaxing massage, too.

The very thought of his wife’s gentle hooves working the tension out of his muscles sent a chill of delight from his mane straight down to his stubby little foot claws.

The happiness ended while the Rainbooms set up their instruments. His task at the moment was to ensure nopony interfered while they performed, but if someone did try, they would wonder why their dietician was wearing a brace on his leg and using a cane. The Dazzlings would then realize something was wrong, and then they would adapt to counter the Rainbooms.

It would be just like his foolhardy assault against Tirek, and it would end in the same way.

Well, the Dazzlings probably wouldn’t throw him into a forest and leave him to the Changelings, but the overall results would be the same.

With a grunt, Prince Bean reached down and began to remove the brace. Doctor Horsenpfeffer was going to kill him when he got back, but Celly’s kisses would bring him back, and if he didn’t move around too much, he could keep the damage to a minimum.

Hopefully.

He reverently placed his Celestial Crystal by his other effects just as Pinkie Pie called out the tempo, and he tested how much weight his leg would take without protest. The song was pretty catchy, and it helped to distract him from the pain as he leaned up against the nearby wall.

The wait was far shorter than he would have liked.

Just as the Rainbooms began to sing, a trio of students tried to slip backstage, and had Prince Bean not been standing where he was, they would have gone unnoticed. With a smirk, the fake human stepped out from the shadows and coughed out an “ahem” that was just loud enough to be heard over the music. The three students yelped and crashed into each other, and a pair of magnets held by strings to a marionette control bar bounced off the floor once before sticking to the metal rigging for the stage lights.

“Is there something I can help you with?” Prince Bean asked while he folded his arms tightly.

“Um, no, not really,” the one with pigtails replied.

“Then I suggest you return to the audience. It would be a shame if you were eliminated without even having a chance to perform, would it not?”

There were scattered nods with a heaping helping of grumbles, but the trio left without further incident as Prince Bean pulled the magnets free and glanced over at Rarity’s metal-fringed ensemble. “Clever, I have to admit, but how would Celestia not notice these?”

The thought was forced to wait when a clattering bang came from behind him, and he hobbled as fast as he could to the opposite side of the stage. DJ Snazzy Snails and MC Snips were about as quiet as pair of stock pots being banged together, and Prince Bean managed to sneak into a nearby shadow undetected while they stumbled their way across the backstage area.

He was going to have to ask Luna for some lessons on proper shadow utilization. This was quite fun, and he could see why his sister-in-law loved to use them for her own stealthy assaults.

“Afternoon, good sirs,” he offered, sending the two airborne for a second with a shriek. “Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I believe you have already performed.”

“Well, yeah,” Snips stammered while he caught his breath. “But we were, um, just going to, uh…”

“Going to check the lights!” Snails quickly added.

“Yeah!” Snips nodded vigorously. “That’s what we were going to do. Principal Celestia said they were shining on the wrong spot, and they need to be adjusted. It’ll only take a minute, we promise.”

The story was unbelievable enough without the snickering, and Prince Bean couldn’t hold back a sigh of disappointment. Either the adults here were really gullible, or these two were horrible liars.

“All right. Even if that was true—and for the record, I don’t believe either of you for a second—then I find it very hard to believe that Principal Celestia would send a pair of students to ‘fix’ it. I’ll take care of the issue; you two should return to your seats immediately.”

“But, we really need to take care of—”

“If you two don’t get out of here right now, I’ll personally stuff the both of you into that tuba over there.”

There was a slight hesitation as the two contemplated how cramped the accommodations would be inside the brass instrument, and once the signal sent by the neuron near the right ear managed to traverse the empty gap to the other neuron on the left, the duo beat a hasty retreat. Prince Bean again pinched his nose, but another nearby clatter forced him to limp into action once more.

This was going to be a long day.


 * *  ✹ * * 


“What was with the confetti, Pinkie Pie?” Rainbow Dash demanded. “How am I supposed to shred if there’s paper stuck in my frets?”

“It was pretty distracting,” Fluttershy added softly.

Pinkie scoffed and rounded on her friend. “Says the girl who plays the tambourine! How hard is it to hit a hoop with your hand?”

Sunset bit her bottom lip as the discussion devolved into a spirited debate regarding the proper use of confetti cannons hidden within drum sets. She personally felt that they were bickering over something inconsequential, but she wasn’t sure that she should mention that to them.

Or how to mention it.

“You still sounded much better than the other bands,” Sunset offered over the top of the argument instead. “I’m sure you’ll make it to the next round. Why don’t you all find a place to practice where the sirens can’t hear you. I’ll keep an eye on things around here.”

This seemed to end the discussion, but it was impossible to miss the figurative cloud of anger that was forming over the handful of friends she had. Was the siren’s magic beginning to affect them? They hadn’t even performed yet, but somehow the situation was getting worse.

Sunset shook her head and moved out into the hallway. Sirens or not, the stress of having to perform well—but not at their best—was obviously going to affect the Rainbooms, not to mention the unspoken worry that the Dazzlings would somehow win and enslave the school. The pressure on her friends had to be intense, given how she felt as a spectator.

“It’ll be alright,” she murmured to herself. “Princess Luna will have the counterspell ready soon.”

Sunset paused when she heard voices, and it only took a moment for her to identify it as one of Adagio’s authoritative statements. The Dazzlings were discussing their own upcoming performance, and the mere thought of them working any more of their magic made her blood boil. She knew they knew about Equestrian magic and about the Rainboom’s immunity, and it was high time that someone put them in their place.

When the Dazzlings rounded the corner, they found Sunset leaning against a wall with her arms folded tightly. She glared at them for a moment, and she tried to channel a bit of her former she-demon personality as she confronted them.

“You’re never going to get away with this.”

“Why?” Adagio smugly replied. “Because you didn’t?”

Sunset’s gaze went to the floor for a brief moment in shame, but then she resumed her glare as Adagio approached her. “Oh, we know all about you, Sunset Shimmer. You’ve got quite the reputation at Canterlot High.”

“I’ve changed!” she proclaimed with clenched fists. They were trying to mess with her head, and she knew it. It was exactly what she would do, if she was them. “I’m in a much better place!”

“Waiting in the wings while your ‘friends’ have all the fun?” Aria scoffed as the sirens began to circle around her.

“Oh, yes. You girls are so tight,” Adagio added. “And yet, they didn’t ask you to be in the band.”

Don’t listen to them, Sunset! she screamed in her own head.

“Probably afraid no one would want to see them play if she was in the group,” Aria sneered.

Despite her best efforts to deny it, Sunset had to admit to herself that they had a point. Rainbow Dash could have excluded her because of her checkered past, and the Rainbooms didn’t want to taint their image any more then they had to.

“Too bad!” Sonata proclaimed with wicked delight. “So sad!”

“If it’s any consolation, no one is going to remember you at all by the time we’re done.” Adagio clipped Sunset with her shoulder just before Aria pushed her aside with her hip, and the three continued towards the gym without a backwards glance.

“Is there a problem here, ladies?”

Sunset and the Dazzlings turned to the unexpected voice, but Adagio shook her head with a smug smile. “Of course not, Deputy. We’re just fine, aren’t we girls?”

“Never been better,” Aria added over her shoulder as she followed her band into the gym.

“Are you okay, lass?” Deputy Star Struck pressed, and Sunset nodded.

“Yeah, mostly. I just…” Sunset sniffled and wiped her eyes quickly. “I’m starting to think that I’ll never be forgiven for what I did.”

“Ah, that. You were quite the wee scunner, you must admit.”

“Not helping,” she groaned.

“But I’ve dealt with worse. You never forget your first trank, higher than a kite and able to snap you in half, if’n he felt like it. Ah have an especially fond memory of my first domestic disturbance call. That butcher knife coulda cleaved a cow clean in half and still been able to slice a tomato.

“Choices have consequences, no matter how much we try to deny it. The trick is to make sure you’re makin’ the right choices, and to remember that you canna turn a cargo ship on a dime. It’s the little course corrections that’ll get you on the right heading. It’s gonna take time, but you’ll get there.”

“But what if no one forgives me?”

“I think the better question is ‘can you forgive yourself?’ What everyone else does is their own business. Start with yourself, then worry about others.”

“You really think that’s the trick?”

“Hey, the sensitivity training said it, so it must be true,” Star quipped. “In all honesty, yes. The biggest threat to self improvement is desire. If you want it bad enough, you’ll get it.”

“I suppose so,” Sunset said with a thoughtful nod.

“You’re on the right path now, Miss Shimmer. Don’t let the spiteful words of some vengeful, hormonal teenagers knock you off. You’re better than that.”

“I hope you’re right,” she murmured.


 * * 🥘 * * 


“Excuse me? Flash, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Don’t know if I’ve had the chance to meet you yet. I’m Mister Bean, the school’s dietician.”

“Oh yeah.” Flash shook the offered hand with a wary glance. “Are you the one who came up with that tortellini thing last week?”

“I did. Old family recipe.” What a nice young man.

“It tasted horrible.” And… it’s gone.

“Everyone’s a critic,” Mister Bean grumbled, but then he pointed to the stage. “You’re on after the Dazzlings, right?”

“Yeah, and then you’re going to see some real talent. All these other bands? They’re just a bunch of fakes. We’re the real deal,” he stated while giving his drummer a friendly smack on the shoulder. “We’re going to blow the competition away.”

“Are you sure? I’ve heard they’re pretty good,” Mister Bean said with a nod towards the stage. “It’d be a shame if they knocked you out in the first round.”

“Won’t happen,” Flash replied with a grin. “We’re up against the Eco Maniacs. They’re going to be mulch by the time we get done with them.”

“Okay. But eventually you’ll have to play against them.”

A pale green swept across Flash’s eyes as he scoffed. “No, the band we gotta beat is the Rainbooms. Sunset Shimmer and her ‘friends’ are going down hard!”

“Yeah!” Bulk Biceps shouted from somewhere.

“Are you sure? Between you and me, it seems like the Dazzlings are the band to beat.” Mister Bean nodded towards the stage. “They seem to be very confident, you have to admit.”

“So’s everyone else,” Flash said with a hard glare. “Are you saying that my band isn’t going to bring the fury? ‘Cause let me tell you something, Cook! We could take anyone here, anytime! C’mon, you guys! Let’s go show this doubter who’s the best!”

Mister Bean drew in a long breath as Flash and his band pushed their way past him, and he shook his head. With a bit of variation on the theme, this exact thing had happened with each band that he’d approached. It was a smart move by the sirens, and Mister Bean had to admit that he should have anticipated this. They would eliminate as many threats as possible so they could focus their efforts on the Rainbooms and their Equestrian magic.

At least his pony counterpart had been able to keep the Rainbooms safe during their performance. He had caught sight of Snips and Snails trying to sneak backstage, and he had snickered a bit when the two quickly reemerged, looking like they were about to be stuffed into a tuba or something. It was one less element to worry about, and it did make life just a bit easier.

With an “excuse me,” Mister Bean pushed his way through several bands and up to where Principal Celestia was sitting. She smiled at him when he touched her shoulder, and she leaned in towards him.

“Yes, Mister Bean?”

“Are the Dazzlings up next?” he whispered into her ear.

“They are.”

“For the record, I’m asking if you would like those berry parfaits yet. I’ll stay right here while they perform, and we can keep an eye on each other.”

“That sounds fine, but perhaps later,” Celestia replied with a quick wink. “For now, why don’t you just remain here?”

“Of course,” he replied as the curtains opened.


 ~*~ 


“No, no, no!”

Princess Luna crumpled the paper before her and threw it aside. The floor around her desk was now fetlock-deep with her attempts at a translation, and each attempt seemed to be even more defective than the one before it.

It was all Star Struck’s fault. Every Celestia-blasted time she tried to focus on her spell, he would flood her mind with the cherished memories of her former life, and she had spent far too much time reminiscing about what she had once had and the love they had shared so willingly with each other. No matter what she tried or how she fought, her beloved Star had seized her every last thought.

She had to overcome this, and quickly. He was dead, pure and simple. She had been at his bedside when her name had been carried upon his final breath, and she had held his hoof to her cheek long after it had gone slack in her grasp. She had washed and prepared his mortal remains for burial with her own tears, and it was she who had placed the enchantment upon his grave to ensure it would never be disturbed.

The Star Struck of this dimension was not hers. He had never been hers, nor would he ever be. His heart rightly belonged to another, and her counterpart deserved to have the joy that she had once held within her own heart.

“Oh, Beloved,” Luna whispered as the tears began to stain the pages before her. “What am I to do? Why must you continue to torment me so?”

Her face went into her hands, and for several long moments, there was nothing more than the sound of her own subdued sobs.

But then she felt something. It was nothing more than a gentle whisper of days gone by, but her smile grew as she remembered the purity of his scent and the gentle silkiness of his caresses. The thrill of delight that came with his kisses returned as she felt his lips delicately brush against hers, and her breath stilled to near nothingness with the dewdrop touch of his coat against hers came once more.

Once more she began to write, but she did not produce a counterspell. If her Star was bound and determined to torment her, then she was going to have to put him somewhere for a time and then return to him.

And when this was all over, her brother-in-law could help her to make sense of the madness that was about to be committed to paper.


 * *  ✹ * * 


The Battle of the Bands proved to be aptly named.

Prince Bean doubted he’d ever see anything quite like this again. Each note was shot like an arrow from a bow, each beat an attempt at piercing the armor with their strongest spears. Band after band fell in the onslaught, and every eliminated foe writhed in agony when they found their time had come to an end.

At least their final performances were not fatal, but Prince Bean doubted that would be much of a consolation. While they remained under the Dazzling’s spell, each loss may as well have been the end of the world to them.

A few things had gone right for him during the melee. His human counterpart had remained close to the Principals during the performances, and as far as it could be determined, Celestia had remained free during the sirens’ songs. Deputy Star Struck had kept the vanquished from lashing out in one last spiteful rage at one another, and he, himself, had managed to repel all attempts to destroy or disable the Rainbooms.

However, there was one thing that was going wrong, and that was what now worried him. The Rainbooms seemed to grow increasingly frustrated with each other after each performance, and Sunset was either unable or unwilling to step in and dissipate the building anger between her friends. Disagreements had grown into arguments, and arguments were going to turn into an unpleasant altercation without some sort of intervention.

There was only one more performance now between the Rainbooms and the finals. The Great and Powerful Trixie and her Illusions were currently on the stage, and their song seemed to be making quite the impact on the crowd. The Rainbooms were going to have to be at their best to be able to top Trixie’s song.

All eyes turned to Sunset as she snuck back into the gym, and the Rainbooms quickly pushed in close, eager to hear that Princess Luna had finished her work.

“Well? Is it ready?” Rainbow asked Sunset.

“She says not yet, but she thinks she’s getting close.”

“That’s all right,” Applejack said. “Finals aren’t until tonight. We’ll get in a little more practice before we’re supposed to hit the stage. How are you holding up, Your Highness?”

“Sore,” Prince Bean replied as he rubbed his leg. “But I’m still good to go. Don’t worry about me, just worry about your performance.”

“Um,” Fluttershy spoke up, “I was just wondering. We haven’t played any of my songs yet, and—”

“It’s the semifinals.” Rainbow put a claw on her friend’s shoulder. “We gotta do ‘Awesome as I Wanna Be.’”

“I don’t know why I even ask,” Fluttershy muttered bitterly.

Prince Bean shot a look to Sunset that was supposed to motivate her to say something, but she shrank back and held one arm with her claw in shame. It seemed that she was scared, and he decided quickly that pushing the matter would only introduce more anger into an already volatile situation.

A round of applause broke out as Trixie finished, and Prince Bean clenched his jaw in worry when Celestia cheerfully proclaimed that their song had been fantastic. She knew what was at stake, but now he was worried that her desire to be fair would prevent her from allowing the Rainbooms to move on, should they prove to be inferior.

“Better get backstage, Your Highness,” Rarity whispered. “We’ll be fine; don’t worry.”

With a quick nod, Prince Bean moved back into his hiding place and prepared for one last defence. After this, the Dazzlings would take the fight to the Rainbooms directly, and once they had their magic, nothing would be able to stop them.

“Good luck topping that performance, Rain Goons,” he heard Trixie mock.

“Ha! Please,” Rainbow countered. “I could win this thing as a solo act, and everybody knows it.”

“Sure you could,” Trixie sneered.

“C’mon, Sunset. Say something,” Prince Bean grunted, but the only thing he heard was the low kvetching from the other Rainbooms.

“Next up, The Rainbooms,” Celestia announced.

“Knock ‘em dead, Rainbooms!” Sunset finally offered. “I’ll be here. Just watching.”

Prince Bean’s claw went into his pocket, and he slowly pulled Discord’s ear out before looking it over. Despite what his wife had told him about letting the Rainbooms learn how to use their magic, he was pretty extra sure that he was going to have to use that free smiting before the day was done.

“Not yet, Bean,” he muttered as he pocketed it again. “Give them a chance.”

Pinkie Pie furiously introduced the song, and Prince Bean sat on a pile of sandbags as Rainbow began to shred on her guitar. He was no expert on human music, by any means, but if he was, he would say that the other girls were not trying to match their leader’s enthusiasm. Though he couldn’t see them, he could tell they were only going through the motions, and he could just imagine their indignant looks of exasperation.

“Awesome as I wanna be!” Rainbow crowed. “Awesome as I wanna be!”

Prince Bean almost couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Every line screamed out as a grand proclamation to the greatness that was Rainbow Dash, and if anyone dared to challenge the notion, she would set them straight with very little effort. He knew the Rainbow from his world was a bit egotistical, but this was grandstanding on a whole different level. How in Equestria could the other girls possibly tolerate such audacious bragging?

Something deep inside compelled him to watch the incoming implosion first hoof, and it was exactly what he expected to be. From behind the side curtains, he watched as Rainbow danced and strutted around the stage like an overstuffed peacock, and the scowls from the others were even deeper than he’d imagined. Even Sunset looked mortified, and it only took a quick moment for the rest of the Rainbooms to pull back with infuriated scowls.

For a moment, Prince Bean wondered if he was going to have to save Rainbow Dash from her own friends.

The opportunity for a mutiny was squelched before he had fully realized it was a possibility. From out of nowhere, Sunset dove onto the stage and tackled Rainbow, which then set of a chain reaction of destruction. Rainbow stumbled back into Rarity, who kicked her leg out in an effort to maintain her balance. That kick sent Applejack’s bass flying, where it flew in a neat arc until it impaled itself, headstock first, into Pinkie Pie’s snare. There was a brief moment of silence as the house lights snapped on, but once they did, Fluttershy let out a screech, tossed her tamborine, and ran for the exit in tears.

“That could have been better,” he muttered as his claw once again pulled out Discord’s ear. After that disaster, there was no way the Rainbooms were going on to the finals.

“Now that’s the bad girl we love to hate!” Flash proclaimed while Celestia and Luna took furious notes on the performance. Jeers and insults flew rapidly, and Sunset could do nothing but cringe as the Rainbooms left the stage.

“No,” she muttered to the ground. “It isn’t like that.”

Prince Bean quickly glanced up, and he was just in time to catch a knowing glance being passed between the sirens. Even if they hadn’t orchestrated this, it was exactly what they had wanted, and they were one step closer to achieving their goal.

“What was that?” Rainbow demanded once they were all off stage.

“You were showing them your magic!” Sunset protested. “I didn’t know what else to do!”

“Close the curtains?” Rarity offered with a sarcastic bite in her every word. “Unplug her amp? Give us a chance to deal with the situation?”

“I’m sorry! I just wanted to help.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t.” Rainbow growled.

“Rarity, can I ask you something real quick?” Prince Bean hopped down from the stage with a wince, but then he stood as tall as he could and tapped one end of his cane in his hand. “Did you see Rainbow’s magic emerging?”

“I, uh,” she stammered for a moment. “No. No, I did not.”

“Applejack, how about you? Did you see anything, or were you too busy being annoyed by her posturing?”

“Hey!” Rainbow indignantly shouted.

“No, Ah didn’t see anything happenin’ either,” she grumbled.

“Pinkie? How about you?” Prince Bean asked. “No? Fluttershy, surely you saw something, right?” He pressed, but a shake of her head was the official reply. “Really? So, you wanted Sunset to give you a chance to handle the situation, but none of you even realized there was a situation unfolding?”

The best answer anypony could give to him was a grumbled acknowledgement.

“Maybe there’s something about human culture that I don’t know about, but where I come from, a pony usually tries to figure out the truth before they assign blame. I was watching you that time, and I saw, for a brief moment, what Sunset saw. Your pony ears were beginning to show, Rainbow, and Sunset made the best decision she could in the half a second she had to make it. Another moment longer, and your magic would have been exposed to the whole school and the sirens.”

“Yeah, well, this wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been showing off!” Applejack gave Rainbow a quick shove. “As usual.”

“Maybe Principal Celestia will still let you perform, despite what happened,” Prince Bean said. “I’ll see if I can talk to her real quick.”

Celestia was already moving towards the stage, but the human Bean was following right behind her with a worried look. Thankfully, Prince Bean managed to catch his attention with a furious waving of his arms, and Mister Bean quickly realized what the prince wanted. A sigh of relief came as Mister Bean stepped out through a nearby door, but Vice Principal Luna glanced over her shoulder in confusion when she saw him on the stage.

“Mister Bean? Were you not just behind us?”

“I jumped up here,” he lied. “I know what happened was bad, but maybe Sunset tripped? I think you need to investigate what happened.”

“You want us to believe that what happened was an accident?”

“I’m saying it could have been an accident.”

Celestia shook her head, but it was clear she didn’t like what she had to say. “I’m sorry, Mister Bean, but that is highly unlikely. I’m afraid we’ll have to…”

The doors to the stage suddenly opened, and Prince Bean’s heart began to hammer as the Dazzlings strolled in. They must have figured out what was going on, and were now here to ensure that the last remaining threat to their plan was removed!

An odd thought came to him as they began to sing. If the Rainbooms were the threat, why were the sirens backstage? They were going to be eliminated anyway, so why bother?

Luna quickly fell back into a trance, but a brief surge of relief came when Celestia gasped and then matched her sister’s vacant stare. The magic was not taking hold again, and with the Principal still free, she could proclaim the Rainbooms as the winners. They could still play on and unleash the counterspell.

But why would the sirens want that?

“Sister, I believe we both know who should be declared the victor.” Luna’s hollow words were obviously not her own.

“Indeed. One band was clearly better than the other.” Celestia picked up a nearby microphone, but it was impossible to miss her heavy sigh as she walked out to center stage with her sister.

“What is she doing?” Prince Bean muttered.

“The band that will be joining the Dazzlings in tonight’s finals is… the Rainbooms,” Celestia flatly announced.

“What?!” Trixie shouted from offstage. The sentiment echoed through the gym, and the Rainbooms took the stage again amidst boos and jeers.

“Congratulations, girls. You deserved it.” Celestia forced the words past clenched teeth and a fake smile.

“Seriously?” Pinkie protested. “We didn’t even—”

Rainbow’s hard jab to Pinkie’s ribs silenced the outburst, but Prince Bean hardly noticed. He knew why Celestia had let them move on, but that should have infuriated the sirens, not delighted them.

Unless they needed the Rainbooms to move on. Despite their bickering, they were still not under the Dazzlings’ spell, and that probably meant that they were not at their full power. The needed more time to corrupt the Rainbooms, and they would have plenty of time to do so between now and the finals.

The wicked cackle of Queen Chrysalis echoed in the space between his ears, and Prince Bean grunted in determination. He absolutely refused to let these sirens win, and in the name of his wife, he was going to ensure that they received their just desserts for all of the trouble they had caused.


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