The Self-Study Room at CHS had, over the school's long history, become something of an unofficial student lounge. Available to all students during free periods, lunch, and after school electives, largely unsupervised, the Self-Study Room was a popular place for kids to get together and hang out during school hours. Kids were encouraged to use it for actual study, but as long as they behaved and didn't grossly violate school rules, the faculty didn't much care what the students chose to use it for.
A few weeks into the start of the year, the Student Council successfully lobbied to have a school Streamflix account set up for the Self-Study Room. For a while, this caused a bit of chaos and conflict, and the privilege was very nearly revoked as kids fought over what to put on in the room at any given time.
And then, a curious thing happened:
Someone decided to start a Star Trek binge.
"So let me get this straight," Rainbow Dash said. "This is a transporter accident...and a holodeck accident...in the same episode."
"It...kinda makes sense if you don't think about it too hard?" Twilight said. "I mean, the holodecks and the transporters use a lot of the same systems..."
It had started with the geek club watching the movies—the original movies, not the reboots. At some point, one of the drama club members had taken an interest and asked questions, which led to a whole week of episodes of the original series.
After that, it just kind of...kept going. Wandering through all five core series without rhyme or reason, with kids coming in, plopping down, watching, discussing, and debating.
"Okay but like, I mean..." Rainbow gesticulated. "It's like every three episodes it's either a transporter malfunction or a holodeck malfunction, and now they're goin' whole hog and havin' both at the same time? Hello! That's so lazy!"
"It is NOT!" Twilight retorted. "W-well...okay, I guess maybe it's kinda lazy? But the malfunction episodes don't happen that often, really..."
"You're missing the point entirely," Octavia Melody said. "Yes, it's a tired plot device, but it's being used to engineer a situation where the cast can perform an homage to James Bond that allows some of the main characters to be potentially murderous villains while retaining the dramatic suspension that a major character could very well die in the process."
"Like the time the holodeck made a bunch of evil gunfighter Datas?"
"Precisely."
"I don't get why they do so many of these Star-Trek-as-something-else shows," a girl with bobbed blueberry hair and a yellow and pink top and skirt said. "I mean, they're in freaking outer space, why do they need to do a James Bond story?"
"Because it's relatable and something that's also popular with their audience," Octavia said. "It's also a way for a writer to essentially publish a work of that genre when they'd never get a chance otherwise."
"Makes sense," Rainbow said. "If you wanna write a Bond movie but you know it's never gonna happen, write a Bond episode of Star Trek and hope it gets made."
"Well I prefer the original series and Next Generation and their take on classical literature," Watermelody said as she sketched in her sketchpad. "We had two series that used Shakespeare and Moby Dick and things like that extensively to explore the human condition, and then you get DS9 and the only real classical works it draws from are the Bible and Les Mis, and the rest of the time it's kitschy Sixties spy stuff, Fifties racism, or that stupid lounge singer. And then Voyager couldn't be bothered to have even that much class!"
"Hey, the original did kitschy spy stuff too," Twilight pointed out. "And it did it in the Sixties!"
"Next Gen is my favorite," Micro Chips said. "But objectively speaking? DS9 is the best of all five series."
Several others blinked at him. "How's that now?" Twilight asked.
"How can one show be your favorite but another be th' best?" Applejack asked, head tilted.
Micro Chips shrugged. "The crew of the Enterprise-D were kind of the first friends I had," he said. "I used to dream about going on adventures with them and doing all the cool sciencey stuff with Geordi and Data. I'd sit up all night trying to figure out how to invent replicators and holodecks and stuff." He pushed up his glasses. "But TNG's got a lot of problems with it, especially in the first two and last seasons."
"Ugh, yeah," Twilight said. "Season one had some just plain insulting episodes, and season two—didn't it happen during a writing guild strike?"
"Yeah, and you can tell," Micro Chips said. "But then in season three the quality picked up and TNG became one of the best things on TV. Season five especially had two of my personal favorite episodes."
"Let me guess," Twilight said. "'Darmok' and 'The Inner Light'?"
"Sokath, his eyes open!" Micro Chips said. Twilight giggled.
Rainbow facepalmed. "Temarc," she said. "The river Temarc, in wi—" She broke off, eyes wide. "Oh my god, I'm an egghead," she moaned.
"Ah still don't git that episode," Applejack said.
"That's because you only understand countryisms," Rainbow said, sticking her tongue out.
"HEY!" Applejack cried. Then, she paused. "Okay, it's true," she admitted.
Rainbow's phone chimed. "And now I gotta go," she said. "Dang it, I've never seen how this one ends!" She sighed and gathered up her stuff. "Ah well. Mirab!"
Twilight snickered as Rainbow left. "She's such a nerd," she said. She glanced over to Chips. "So, I get what you're saying about all TNG's problems, but what makes you say DS9 is the best of the series?"
"There's a lot of things," Micro Chips said. "I guess the main thing is that it spent so much time and effort developing its characters, moreso than any other Trek series. Everyone on the show really feels like a person, even the ones who are just barely there." He paused thoughtfully. "Also, it's like...it showed us more, you know? It took bits and pieces of the Trek universe that were just barely touched on elsewhere and showed us more. Especially the Bajorans, the Cardassians, and the Ferengi."
"Ugh, the Ferengi," Octavia said. "Obnoxious, backwards, moneygrubbing little trolls."
"Yeah, but Ferengi-based episodes are actually kinda fun in DS9," Twilight said. "Especially since DS9 basically fixed everything wrong with them from TNG."
"And not only did every major Ferengi character in DS9 grow exponentially over the course of the series," Chips said, "the entire Ferengi society evolved. Look how much the Ferengi changed by the end of DS9!"
"Weirdest. Women's lib. Ever," Octavia said flatly.
"Now that you mention it, DS9 handled homosexuality and gender fluidity way better than TNG ever did," Lyra said.
"Plus, we love the shipping in DS9 more," Bon Bon added, squeezing Lyra's hand.
"But the most important part is that DS9 holds a consistent level of quality from start to end," Chips continued. "Sure, it had some weak episodes and the ending was honestly a little rushed, but on the whole, all seven seasons had consistently strong writing and production quality, on par with TNG seasons four and five."
Everyone mulled that over. "Can't really argue that," Twilight said. "I haven't actually seen a DS9 episode I outright hated."
"There are...some," Vinyl Scratch said as she bobbed her head to a beat coming from one earbud while listening to the room at large with the other ear. "The Mirrorverse episodes get kinda old after a while."
"Oh yeah, DS9 spends way too much time in the Mirrorverse," Twilight said with a grimace. "I kinda forgot about that."
"Mirrorverse?" Pinkie Pie piped up. "You mean that one episode where the good guys were all bad guys and Spock had a beard?" She put on a fake pointy beard for emphasis. Nobody bothered asking where the beard came from.
"Yeah," Micro Chips said. "TNG never revisited the concept, not after all the criticism the first two seasons got for recycling old Star Trek plots, but there were some official novels that had the TNG crew go there. DS9, though, had several Mirrorverse episodes, and built it up into this whole huge alternate-reality soap opera."
"The only reason I don't like DS9 is it spends too much time sitting around on a space station and way too many episodes are about racism, religion, and PTSD," Flash Sentry said.
"There are those who would argue that those are the show's strengths," Octavia said. "If you think about it, most of the time we're never even told why two factions in Star Trek hate each other, they just do. A lot of episodes go on for a solid half hour about a race we'll never see again, but TNG told us very little about the Cardassians. In DS9, we learned almost everything there is to know about them, as well as the Ferengi and several other species."
"That's a good point," Flash conceded. "Plus, the Dominion were way better villains than the freaking tree-heads."
"Oh god, the tree-heads," Bon Bon groaned. "They're why we stopped watching Voyager."
"Tree-heads?" Applejack asked, quirking an eyebrow.
"The Kazon," Micro Chips said. "They were introduced as the first major villains in Voyager. They're..." He fidgeted with his glasses. "Well, they're nomadic barbarians who are divided up into different sects and have technology that's two centuries out of date. The only reason they ever pose a threat is because of how heavily they outnumber Voyager, Voyager's lack of repair facilities, and the Kazon being really aggressive." He shrugged. "Basically they were supposed to be the new Klingons except they're really boring and have trees on their heads."
"Reaching Borg Space was the best thing that ever happened to Voyager," Twilight said. "Soon as they got to the Borg, the Kazon disappeared."
"I honestly didn't watch Voyager," Sunset Shimmer said. "Heard too many bad things about it."
Micro Chips raised a hand, index finger pointed upward. "Voyager is..." He paused, then put his hand down, his jaw working silently for a minute. "Voyager's a really mixed bag," he decided. "It doesn't deserve the hate it gets, and a lot of it is, well..." He looked around the room and gulped.
"Blatant misogyny," Twilight said sourly. "First against Janeway, then later against Seven of Nine."
"To be fair, the producers set themselves up for that with Seven," Chips said. "I mean, they added her for blatant sex appeal, it was bound to backfire somewhere."
"Honestly, Voyager lost me somewhere between Tuvok and Neelix getting fused together and Janeway and Paris turning into lizards and having babies," Flash said. "Whoogh."
"Voyager..." Twilight pursed her lips. "Voyager had a lot of really good ideas and a lot of really bad ideas. And some of the good ideas weren't really handled well."
Chips started ticking off points on his fingers. "Janeway is often criticized for being too harsh and arrogant or being too soppy and touchy-feely, then there's the debate on how she treats the Prime Directive like a pinata."
Trixie blew on her bangs. "Puh-leeze. Janeway is every bit the amazing captain Picard is. Perhaps even more so, she's willing to put on a show to resolve a crisis no matter how much it affects her dignity!"
"Pfft. Picard did that more than once."
Trixie lidded her eyes in challenge. "Queen Arachnia. Q in her bathtub."
"...okay, that's fair."
"Wait, what? Who in her where?!" Sunset cried in disbelief.
Chips grimaced. "That's...another bone the fans had to pick. Q's trickster rivalry with Picard changed into something a lot, uhh..." He bit his lip. "Twi? Help me out here?"
Twilight's entire face pinched like she smelled something turdy. "Q basically stalked her like a creep," she said.
"Wow. That's...yikes."
"Yeah, they went to some pretty creepy places with Q in Voyager," Chips said. "Moving on, the next big problem a lot of fans had was Chakotay."
Flash frowned. "Chakotay? What was wrong with him, apart from not having much of a personality to speak of?"
"They basically made him be from every single Native tribe ever," Lyra said in a bored tone. "I remember Dad getting pissed about that because he's a Native culture historian, and they just basically threw a bunch of Native traditions together for Chakotay to follow without bothering to research the tribes."
"I don't know about you all," Watermelody said, "but Neelix got on my nerves. Like, a lot."
"Wuff, yeah," Twilight said. "Neelix was a bad idea all around. Like Jar-Jar."
"Eh, he had his moments," Chips said. "Actually, that sums up a lot of what people think about the Voyager cast. It's not that they're bad characters, it's just that they're just kind of...there. Except for Seven of Nine, nothing about any of them is really anything new."
"Yeah, and Seven's such a raging bitch it's hard to get invested in her character arc."
"My personal problem with Voyager," Twilight said, "is that it relies on too many episodes about anomalies, wormholes, and other vague science-fictioney space weirdness." She twiddled her thumbs. "Voyager did bring some good things to the table, like the Vidiians. The Vidiians were really interesting."
"Eww, the Vidiians," Pinkie complained. "I didn't like them, they're super gross."
"Pinkie!" Twilight snapped. "Shame on you! They couldn't help it! I mean, yeah, they were, but it was part of the tragedy of their race and their fascinating backstory."
"It's hard to have any sympathy for a race of super-gross organ thieves," Pinkie said.
"Wait what now?" Sunset asked.
Twilight took on her lecturing tone. "The Vidiians are a race who have suffered a pandemic called the Phage for over a thousand years. Every Vidiian is born infected, and the disease's effects begin to appear at different times in their lives. The Phage devours and destroys healthy tissues in every organ of the host's body, causing massive organ failure."
"As the crisis grew in their society, Vidiians could no longer live long enough to research cures or wait for help, so they overhauled their entire medical science industry," Chips picked up. "They basically put trying to cure the Phage itself on hold and put all their science into stealing healthy organs and skin from passing aliens and using it to patch themselves up."
"Internal and external organs," Twilight continued. "All replaced with comparable matches, but the grafts and implants would eventually become infected by the Phage as well. As a result, all Vidiians have a diseased, disfigured appearance."
"Oh gross," Sunset said. "And they just...steal body parts from passing aliens?"
"Tissue piracy is their central industry," Chips said.
"Okay now that is a good idea," Sunset said. "I didn't know Voyager had something like that and now I might have to watch it."
"I just can't stand the Doctor," Trixie piped up. "He starts out obnoxious and rude, has the most character episodes in the whole series that focus on him, and at the end of the series he's still obnoxious and rude!"
"Hey, I'll take the rude obnoxious hologram any day over the bland, vague Garak clone Enterprise had," Flash said.
There was a long pause.
"OH MY GOD HE KIND OF WAS, WASN'T HE!?" Lyra erupted, wide-eyed.
"Wow, I'd never even noticed it before," Twilight said, her glasses slipping, "but now that you put it that way, Phlox basically was Garak, just not as well-written!"
"That's pretty much why I left off Enterprise in the first season," Sunset said. "I mean, not specifically, but the characters are just...bland. The writing is bland." She frowned. "It's kind of like, I dunno...they figured they'd let Scott Bakula be Scott Bakula, throw a Vulcan with big tits in the mix, then pad everyone else out with half-developed characters and coast on it." She shook her head. "It almost worked except for the whole Temporal Cold War thing."
"Ugh, that was so unnecessary," Twilight said with a grimace. "Enterprise already had so much to work with! All the First Contacts, the whole history of Starfleet! Why come up with some lame weird story arc nobody wanted or needed that just gummed up the show with garbage?!"
"And then they made it worse with the Xindi," Chips said, frowning. "And the really awkward attempts to explain original series Klingons."
"And all of it done with a really bland cast," Flash said.
"Boy, it's funny how snobby we all get about a bunch of cheesy sci-fi shows that started off as a ham-fisted, cartoony space western with roughly defined characters and no real continuity!" Pinkie Pie said cheerfully.
The room broke into snickers and derisive snorts.
"Pfff."
"Pshaw."
"How ridiculous."
"What a randomly Pinkie Pie thing to say..."