//------------------------------// // Chapter 53 // Story: To Serve Bronies // by Fuzzy Necromancer //------------------------------// It had been the work of a few moments to set up a force field tight enough to keep out the onion gas, but with wide enough microscopic gaps to allow good fresh oxygen to enter and carbon dioxide to filter out. Twilight’s pride in this achievement was somewhat dampened by the range limit. She couldn’t share it with her fellow unicorns. It also didn’t protect her from a high-speed forehead smashing into her nose, or a swung sock with a half-brick in it. She was confident the earth ponies would soon see reason, in a hazy, half-starved kind of way. She wanted meat. She wanted complex proteins. She wanted the ambrosia that she’d been secretly craving the moment her mother squeezed her out amid slime and blood and shit. Twilight Sparkle had been crafting a wide-ranging area effect of magical paralysis when her attention was diverted by The Smell. The cloud house opened up. The precious meat that she knew was there all along strode forth. “Hey ya’ll!” the food shouted. She stopped fighting. “Applejack, everypony, you can stop fighting. Cool down. It’s not worth it.” There were a few last-minute face-kicks, but everyone quieted down. Twilight and the other unicorns were paralyzed with mouth-moistening hunger. The earth ponies were slowing down. Applejack, her friend, was running around, urging everyone to calm down. “I really appreciate what you’re doing,” the tall human, Jamal, said. “It’s kind of you, but it’s not necessary.” He turned around, and he looked Twilight Sparkle straight in the eyes. He lowered the bullhorn from his face. He looked her right in the eye, and her higher thoughts tried to rein in her base animal instincts. This was about scientific curiosity. This was about pre-equestrian history. This was about expanding her knowledge, not filling her mouth with tender, umami, succulent raw human flesh, the tastiest of all treats that made cupcakes and candy taste like infected sheep ass in her mouth. “Applejack, I didn’t explain my job to your properly. I don’t just serve grain, and I barely serve any vegetables at Taco Hell.” Twilight Sparkle pawed the ground. This wasn’t really important, but the scholar in her mind urged her to take notes. When else would she learn about life in a parallel universe? “I serve meat, okay? People slit the throats of chickens, and hit cows in the head with electric bolts, and we chop it up real fine and boil it up and serve it in tacos and burritos and whatever flavor of the month we have going. So I ain’t know angel, and you don’t need to martyr yourselves for my sake, okay?” Shocked murmurs rippled through the crowd. Two-legged deer were animals, cruel, cunning animals, and hypocrites at that. It was okay to eat them because they ate other people. Right? Her stomach growled. Her focus didn’t leave his stance, his eyes, the tightness in his blunt claws. “I hate it. I feel dirty. People shout at me and talk shit at me every day. Every time I turn on the teevee, or read the news, I hear from politicians who think us burger-flippers barely demand the seven bucks an hour that aren’t enough to fully pay for the leaky broke-ass apartment I live in with my daughter, and can’t cover my food bills so I have to get food stamps and get charity from the food banks and buy our clothes from Salvation Army, which by the way, is a really shitty, xenophobic, homophobic organization, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.” The two-legged mutton lowered its bullhorn. It pulled paper out of its pocket and blew its nose on it. Twilight Sparkle bit her lip until it hurt. She suddenly became aware of how cold the air was, how the bitter wind smelled like wet burnt paper and dry heaves. “I hate serving up gross, hot dead animals. They aren’t even cooked well. I bet y’all have some great recipes for flank of human, or stewed human heart, or fried brains or something. You think we’re a delicacy as a species. Well we’re not. We’re rats. We’re trash.” Rainbow Dash poked her head out from the doorway. “I wanted to do something good with my life. I wanted to cheer somebody up.” He cleared his throat. “I’m going to make somepony’s day, and it won’t involve boiled cow ass and weak hot sauce.” He pulled out a small jar and a vial of oil. He peeled off his shirt. The smell increased. The two-legged deer didn’t break eye contact as he poured the oil over his skin. Ponies around her swayed. Some of the Earth Ponies and Pegasi, male, female, queer and agender, started to fan themselves. He rubbed it in, shaking tiny flakes of leaves on his skin. Was this some kind of protective potion? “What the Tartarus are you doing, you dumb biped?” Rainbow shouted. “You said I could sort this out. I want ya’ll to promise me you won’t fight over this. No hooves in the ribs, no broken friendships, and definitely no G-Rated Civil War.” He took his first step toward the edge of Rainbow Dash’s cloud.