//------------------------------// // Bran-New Lovesong (Part 1) // Story: Star Overhead // by KorenCZ11 //------------------------------// Pinkie 10/11/2013 Well, that happened I guess. Pretty sure the new kid was dead and Twilight and that crazy bitch on the bike brought her back to life. Twilight got eaten by a plastic doll thing that moved on its own, got super powers and wings or something and they beat a shadow to death with an electric bass. What in the loving fuck is actually going on? New kid is annoying. And she’s better than me at my game. Who the fuck said she could do that? I have to beat her. I can’t stand it. Shiny taught me how to play, I should be better than her. I am better than her. I have to win. It doesn’t matter how many times I lose as long as I can win. I wish I could get in contact with him. Who doesn’t have a phone in this day and age? My parents are goddess’s damned devouts, and my whole family still has phones. They don’t even believe, how does he not have a phone? Aren’t we the backwards ones? What kind of backwards ass bullshit is that? Whatever. Dad got on me again for being home late. He doesn’t care, why would he yell at me again? I’m so tired of this house. Maybe he just wanted me at work on time for once. Yeah right, like me shuffling around papers for him is important. I don’t even do the real work that Maud and Limestone do, what do I matter? He doesn’t care, it’s just busy work so I don’t bother anypony at home. That’s all they’re after. I found a big ol’ lizard hanging out by the mine the other day. He doesn’t have any teeth. I fed him some of my dinner while I was working and then he ran away. Course, that’s not much of a surprise. Everypony runs away from me. Nothing new. Nothing ever changes here. The blue skies in Underhoof are always the same. 10/15/2013 Twilight spent her lunch yesterday with that one chick and somepony I don’t know. Why would she do that? I thought… isn’t she my friend? I was stuck with new kid that day because she wouldn’t leave me alone. We played a few rounds and I still never managed to beat her. It makes me so angry. Why can’t I hit her? How is she so much better? Every time I think I’ve got her, she just slips away. She’s so annoying. So is that orange chick. Some southern fuck or whatever. Leave Twilight alone! She’s my friend! Today though, she did eat lunch with me and told me about what happened. Apparently, the white chick’s mom was gonna fuck her dad or something, and then she had a freak out and another one of those monsters popped out of her head. Or Twilight’s head. She thought it was going to come out of her horn, but the other chick fell and hit Twilight’s horn with hers and it… traded heads? She said it was weird and didn’t understand it, so why should I? That crazy bitch has a new guitar now and it’s like as sharp as a razorblade or something. Scary. Heh. Maybe not. If only she’d had that one first. She could’ve taken care of me like that and I wouldn’t have to. There’s always the quarry though. I can’t get into the gun safe, but the quarry is always an option. Always… an option. 10/21/13 Well, there’s another one now. This one is blue, and she seems… I don’t know, not completely bat shit insane? Why are there two of them? Why are they in Twilight’s house? Why are they taking Twilight to school? I feel like I never see her anymore. Rainbow is the only one I ever spend time with, and I don’t even like her! Now she spends all lunch playing that stupid card game with the tall kid, and she never stops! It’s so claustrophobic in that room now. I can’t even be near her without four other ponies around at any one point in time, I’m fucking suffocating. There was another monster, and now there’s another guitar. Apparently, there was a bunny or something and it ate the tall kid. Who gives a fuck? Why does anypony care? Just one more pony that takes up her time. Get out of my life! I finally beat Rainbow. It only happened once, but it finally happened. But… it was… strange. After I won, she congratulated me. She said, “Hey, look at that! You finally did it! Good job. Wanna go again?” and all with some… stupid smile on her face. What the fuck is that? I finally won! Fuck you, I never want to play again! But… I did play again. And I kept losing, but… I don’t know, maybe that was fun? I don’t get her. She’s so weird. The lizard came back, and this time I brought it inside. It doesn’t have any teeth and seems to like to hang out on my back. Sometimes it crawls around in my mane. I’ve never had an animal be this friendly to me, so I think I’m going to try and keep it. I’ve decided to name it Gummy. I don’t know what gender it is, but it’s a lizard, so who knows. At least… something likes me. “Does everypony have their lunches?” “Yes mom,” my family said in unison. Dad was off to the mine to prepare another shipment of rocks for the haulers to pick up, Maud was helping him, Limestone was getting ready for school with Marble, and I, as always, was trying to escape when I realized I forgot my lunch. Fucking Mondays. “Damn it,” I cursed under my breath. I ran back to get it. “Ah, there’s the culprit. Hurry along. You have enough late arrivals as it is, I’m certain you wouldn’t want to be held back, now would you?” Mom talked down to me. I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.” I grabbed the bag and bolted out the door. Nopony made an effort to stop me, so that’s all there was to that. I hate going to school, but I hate being stuck at home even more. The lesser of two evils, I guess. After I heard my sisters pass, I opened my bag and let Gummy out. The little lizard seemed delighted to be out in the foggy morning sun and immediately went to play in the shallow water. The way he acts always bothered me a bit. One minute he’ll be scrambling to move as fast as he can, and the next he’ll just stop and blink slowly. I think he has a lazy eye. It moves slower than the other one, like he tries to focus on things, but it takes a bit. Of course, it would be the retarded lizard that likes me. Oh well. At least it likes me. The fog was thick enough that anypony above the bridge wouldn’t be able to see the river, so I wasn’t worried about anypony passing me. This lizard is huge and seems… out of place here. As far as I knew, most lizards lived in warm places, and Underhoof… is not that. They’re very uncommon here, so how this one ended up here is a mystery in and of itself. “Where did you come from little guy?” Gummy blinked one eye, then the other followed slowly after, finally making its way to stare at me. He shook his whole body and then scrambled into my bag. “Hey, what’s wrong?” I opened the bag, but the little guy had curled up to sleep. Huh. Guess he’s done for now. I pulled out my phone and checked the time. 8:35, Monday October 28th, 2013. I looked up toward the road and sighed. If she were coming, she’d already be here. I got up and started heading toward the school. It was relatively clear overhead this morning, and it was cold and wet outside. Humid as most days are, but the added chill of the wind is just a bonus. It’s not bad when I have somepony to walk with, but for the last few weeks, I’ve been going to school alone or with Marble when I can’t get away. I felt my ears turn when I heard the sound of an engine nearby. Low and grumbly, the constant spinning rumble of something big and smooth. I turned my head as it came closer, and sure enough it was Twilight and the Motor Mare. Surprisingly, the bike stopped by me. “Oh, hey, you’re still out. Hop on, we’ll get there faster together,” Twilight offered. That’s a first. Though, I guess they usually beat me to school anyways. I’m the one who’s early today. The big mare put my backpack and Gummy in her saddle bags, and I got to sit in Twilight’s lap. “As I was saying, chord progression works in a series of jumps, as it were. When you think of a scale, what comes to mind?” the Motor Mare asked. Geez, fuck if I know. Gummy has scales. “Lizards?” I said absentmindedly. She shook her head. “Music dear, music. A scale is the progression of seven notes starting from a root. To make it simple, the C major scale, Ionian mode, whatever you want to call it, goes as follows: C D E F G A B C, or Do Re Me Fa Sol La Ti Do~” she sang. Ah, that would make more sense. “Well, those notes in that order, right?” Twilight asked. The Motor Mare nodded. “Of course. However, if we move on to chords, we can think of those notes as our ‘roots’ instead. Each of those notes becomes the root, or bottom note of a chord. A C major chord starts with C, adds E, the third, and G, the fifth to become that common chord you know. But what about the other notes? Don’t they all make chords as well? Of course they do! However, even in the key of C, we get minor chords out of some of these and that’s where our progression comes in. The C major triad, as it’s known, a triad being three notes played together, is that chord.” The Motor Mare took her hooves off the handlebars and then took the acoustic guitar off her back and played… I guess whatever she was talking about? I think I was more surprised that the bike just kept up speed and went on driving like she never took her hooves off. I noticed the left side lever push itself in, then a little knobby thing by the left hoof rest flicked up and the bike gained speed… all while the white mare had a guitar in her hooves, and her magic was off. I blinked. Well, that’s a thing. “In the major scale, we can take the positions of the notes: one, two, three, four, five, six and seven, and treat those as chords. We represent these with Equuin numerals: capital I, lowercase ii, lowercase iii, capital IV capital V, lowercase vi, and lowercase vii. Now, why are some capitalized, and others not? I’ll play them all to give you a reference for what they sound like, then give me an answer.” She played that same thing she sang earlier but it sounded… more complicated. Like, a lot was going on all at once. Twilight tapped at her lips. “Is… hmm. I don’t know. Are the lowercase ones minor?” The Motor Mare nodded. “That is correct. Think about what you’ve been taught. How many flats are in the F major scale?” “One.” “Accidental in the G major?” “F sharp.” “So, if you played the major triad in those keys, what would you get?” “F, A, C and G, B, D.” “And that means…?” “Oh, those chords work in this scale too.” “There we go. Remember the circle. Next to C, are F and G. Every major scale follows the rules, and as such, this pattern is available in all of them. Now then, chord progression is the simple movement from chord to chord. Because this is easier to represent with jazz, we’ll do sevenths. A C major seventh is made of the notes: C, E, G, B, where B is the seventh note in the scale, giving the chord its name. A common progression would be I, IV, V. If we don’t use sevenths, it goes like this.” Dum, dum, dum~ It was bright, but it almost felt like it ended up in a weird place. “If we do, it goes like this.” Bring, bring, bring~ There was more to this one, and it almost sounded… tense, like hearing it made me uncomfortable. “To the end of using sevenths, we have a much sweeter resolution thanks to the tension the G chord being ‘out of key’ brings us.” Lower, higher, higher, lower. She played the chords again, and this time, it almost felt… relaxing. Like, there was a release to it that made it all that much sweeter. “Writing, playing, making music is not unlike writing a story. You have your rises and falls, you build tension and suspense, releases and resolves. It can be bright, it can be dark, it can be sweet, it can be sour. Music of the modern era puts an emphasis on bass and energy, and to be completely honest with you, I hate it. Throbbing passion of an accelerant beat, the need to move to a mindlessly repetitive series of notes. It’s just like having sex for the fun of it. It never ends well, nopony is satisfied by it, and it always leaves you feeling emptier than when you started. What was it for? Is that all that matters? Just that single moment of release, only to be left in dead silence afterward? Hollow music doesn’t understand that there is more to life than bass. It’s called ‘Making Love’ because the object is to create. You add to the world by performing a single action, abundance from nothing, the reason we call it a miracle. The only divine thing ponies are capable of. The creation of life. Maybe it’s fun in the moment, but if you can’t answer why without ‘because it feels good,’ then you shouldn’t be doing it at all. To think is to be, and to be is to live. ‘I think, therefore, I am.’ Music does something that words alone cannot; expressing emotion to another pony one otherwise couldn’t communicate. Words in a vacuum lack pitch, tone, and volume. You can write a letter to send a message, but can that alone get across the meaning? The subjectivity of words can give something like ‘takeout’ three meanings. I want to eat takeout, I will take out you for dinner, they’re going to take out that guy. Are we getting food, are we going on a date, or are we committing a murder? It all depends on what comes before and after, and how it’s said. Ponies inherently understand harmony because it is something that we resonate to deep inside. Emotion and sound are so deeply linked that it is no wonder that the strongest magic requires both. Harmony is Magic. Never forget that.” 10/28/13 With the Motor Mare taking up all our time this morning, I hardly ever got to say anything to Twilight. Just going on about whatever she feels like, harmony, love, sex, magic, what are you even talking about lady? I thought that was supposed to be about music? And even more concerning, the bike was driving itself. I knew it had to be magic or something when I saw it jump the bridge a few weeks back, but the thing just moves on its own? How does that work? I had plenty of time to think about it today because Twilight was too busy with all her other friends to give me the time of day. The tall kid got a Click too, so now I can’t even play with just Rainbow. Why do I have to share everything? I share everything as it is, I have three sisters, all of whom are older than me. Well, technically, I’m a few seconds older than Marble, but they like her better because she’s normal and I’m not. Whatever. These tests are killing me. I don’t even remember going over Equestrian history. Like, why do I need to remember what day what war happened when? Is that even important? I thought it was more important to know why the war was fought than when. This is so stupid. At least it was a half day. Free from school, free from home, and… of course, she and the tall kid are going to do whatever at the tall kid’s house with their cards. Rainbow followed me to my bridge and so I ended up there alone with her and Gummy. She asked me where I found him, but all I really knew about him is that he showed up by the quarry one day. So… that’s what I said, and then we played more Bash Bros. I won twice today. She says I’m getting better, but we played like 82 three life games. Is it really even worth it if I don’t win more? It’s not going to work until I have a higher ratio… per set. At this point, there’s no way I’ll ever beat her completely, she has too much of a head start. But… maybe one day… She had to go home after a while though, so I was left alone again. Dad called me four times and I never noticed. I guess I missed a shift or something. When I finally did go home, he asked me where I was and why I didn’t answer his calls. I told him I was just with my friend and forgot my phone that day. ‘What’s the point of giving it to you if you don’t use it? Keep it with you and answer me next time,’ he says. It’s not like I use it much anyways. I only ever talk to Twilight, and I haven’t done that in a few weeks anyways. I feel like shit. I think my cycle is about to start and I don’t want it. Now isn’t the time. Where did you go? Why did you leave me? I’m… so tired. “I’m telling you, just don’t use that guy. He can’t keep up,” Rainbow said. Tall Kid objected. “B-but… just look at him! He’s so… so…” Twilight rolled her eyes while Tall Kid got her rocks off. Geez, can anypony really be that pent up all the time? “We get it, you like him.” Tall Kid clicked her joy-pros together. “W-well… maybe just a little…” Rainbow sighed. “Whatever, he’s just not got the recovery to deal with the top tier characters. If I pick either of the ‘Chus, you'll get auto killed just by me spamming my back air. Just pick… I don’t know, somepony else. Can’t you just use one of the sword characters? Why not Ike, he’s… clearly got something similar going on in his secondary outfit.” The fourth and undecided player in our game moved over to Ike and finally discovered that you can change colors with the Y button. Holy shit, I can’t handle this. When she finally did see the muscle-bound version of the great sword wielding pony, she seemed pleased. When I looked at him, and then at the other guy she likes to play, I noticed they both had red coats and orange or yellow manes. Well, that and the fact that they were jacked. Doesn’t that look like somepony I’ve seen before? “O-oh. He’s um… well made.” I sighed. “Can we play now?” Rainbow hit start and nodded. “Yes.” After finally beginning the game, it was as clusterfucky as ever since we were doing casual matches for Tall Kid. Items, randomized stages, Rainbow and I playing as random characters while Twi learned new stuff with hers and the Tall Kid… did whatever. She mostly taunted to make the guy pose, occasionally getting mad at whoever and coming after us, but then getting beaten to death since we know how to play the game. Eventually, she got frustrated enough and asked to be taught how to fight, so Dash took her alone and began the training session. Finally, getting some time alone with her. “Hey, can we… talk?” I asked after we’d played a few rounds. While Rainbow was leagues above both of us, Twilight and I had a more even record, though I usually won. We played a lot together after I got my Click a few weeks ago, but just like everything else, it felt like this had also fallen off. “Sure, what’s up?” She never looked away from the screen. Always so focused on what’s in front of you. Won’t you look at me? “No, I mean… like, go somewhere else. In private, I guess.” She stopped her assault and finally looked at me. She’d been… happier lately. I could see it in her eyes, those sparkly golden violet pools, vibrant and brighter than usual. They’re just so pretty. Nopony I’ve ever seen has eyes like she does. Even Shining’s eyes were… never like this. “Well… I guess, but I’ve got a guitar lesson after school today, so we might not-” the orange kid came by and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Hey, are ya ready?” I felt my eye twitch. This bitch. If it’s not her, it’s somepony else. They always come like this when they take her away from me. I wanted to growl at her. “Oh! Geez, it really is already time, isn’t it? I guess. Are you driving, or…?” Orange girl nodded. Apparently, when your grandparents are rich enough to just do whatever, they buy you a brand new motorcycle every now and again. Of course, I don’t even know my grandparents, so whatever. Take a course and get a license at thirteen, she’s ‘disadvantaged’ so she gets ‘special privileges.’ Bullshit. Always happy, always smiling, always helping. Fuck you. “Yeah, Ah think Ah’ve got a real good handle on ridin’ double now. Haven’t dropped it yet, so that’s pretty good.” Twilight shrugged. “As long as you’re comfortable, I guess I don’t have a problem. Your brother was the test rider, right?” she nodded. “He was. Big fucker’s heavy. But, Ah can still keep it upright with him on, so y’all shouldn’t be much of anythin’ by comparison. You’re half his size, so it shouldn’t be a problem at all.” Twilight got up and then put her Click away. “Sorry Pinkie, we’ll have to hang out another time. I was the one who asked her to do this, so if we don’t go… Celestia will find us.” Twilight shivered. “Of the few things I do know about her, the fact that she can find me no matter where I am is one of them. Bye girls!” She waved to those who remained, and they all waved back. Except for me. I turned my head and rested it on the back of my chair. “Sure.” I don’t know what made me feel worse. The way she looked at me, or her walking away. I hate it. I hate this. I hate everything. “Burn, burn, burn it all!” Gummy was scrambling around, playing with the half sandwich I gave him in that frantic, almost panicked way of his, while I was mashing buttons and slaughtering hundreds by the second. My stupid screen was blurry and kept getting wet, but it wasn’t raining, and the fog was thin. The flames engulfed my victims just like the empty feeling filled me. Like a Burning Blaze, overflowing and spilling out every orifice, searing my insides and withering my hollow core. But, it was never enough. It just kept burning because the stupid shell around it wouldn’t break. Try as I might, downing in the flames, the void wouldn’t just take me. When it was too blurry to see the game anymore, I put the Click back in my bag and curled up under the bridge. Why won’t it stop? Why won’t this awful feeling go away? Why did they leave me? I don’t know how long I’d been here, but eventually, Gummy crawled up between my legs and went limp on my belly. I sniffed and wiped at my eyes. At least I have you. I stroked the little guy and he arched and happily paddled his claws at my touch. “Well, you might be slow, but at least… you’re here.” The little black lizard rolled to standing, and one, then two purple eyes focused on something to our left. “Hey, I’m not that slow. I know I don’t race anymore, but it’s not like I’ve gotten fat or anything. I hope.” There was Rainbow, hovering silently on those little cyan wings of hers, grabbing at her belly under her blazer. Her hooves stopped without catching anything but loose fabric. Were it me on the other hoof… there would be plenty of not fabric. Heat finding its way to my cold cheeks, I wiped at my face and looked away. “What are you doing here? Isn’t your house on the opposite side of town?” She made her way to sitting, making sure to keep her skirt under her as she found a spot on the slightly wet concrete next to us. “It’s not that far away actually. Just on the other side of I-90, down the road. Technically, I live on River Road too.” I huffed. “That doesn’t change the fact that you have no reason to be here.” She shrugged. “As long as I don’t have to make dinner, I go wherever I want. This place is really pretty at dawn and dusk, so I like to explore. Besides, if I wait here, dad will pass us on the way home. I can just get in the car at that point, so actually, it’s less work for me.” I blew air out my lips and rolled my eyes. “Pfft. This place. Pretty? Fucking rich. You haven’t spent your whole life here. Of course you would think that. Go away.” Irritated now, she grabbed my shoulder and made me look at her. “Pinkie! Come on, just… be friendly, damn it! You look like shit! I thought you were gonna cry after I saw you leave, and you were when I found you! Talk. To. Me! I… wanna be your friend, alright?” I pushed her off and turned my head. “I don’t need friends. I don’t need anypony. I… I’m fine.” Rainbow groaned. “Oh my goddess, that is so bullshit. Fine, whatever. You can just suffer.” For a minute there, something inside me was afraid she was actually going to leave. I didn’t want her here. But I didn’t want her to go either. I don’t really know what I wanted, but I didn’t want anything to change. Change… brings heartache. Instead of actually doing that, though, Rainbow took a stand out of her bag, placed her Click on it, then plugged in a wired controller to the system. She took the joy-pros off and left them at my hooves, then began to do NPC matches. Eventually, Gummy made his way out of my skirt and then climbed up on top of her head. While we were both confused at the new development, after he just… stopped moving, she shrugged and went on as if this was normal. The thin fog changed from golden to orange with the sky, until it had gained that kind of pinkish-orange hue it always has right at sunrise. It’s always like this. It’s always been like this. Underhoof isn’t supposed to change. “When I was nine, my mom died in an accident at work. My dad was one of the lead engineers on the project, and he was also the one that made the design. They met for the first time years and years ago while they were both new recruits at the same branch. She was supposed to be this new ace pilot, and he was just another stallion looking to make a name for himself. He always wanted to bring those spaceships he drew to life, and the easiest way to do that was to join the Air Force and hopefully make it into EASA afterward. When she came back from her first mission unscathed and without problem, it was clear that she was something special. He was her operator, and over their time together, I guess… she must’ve found something to like in that mess. They got married a few months later. I was born the next year. My dad… is a weird guy. Obsessive, competitive to a fault, it’s hard to pull him away if he’s working on something, and dude has a memory like no other. He can tell you all the attacks and specials everypony has in half the Road Fighter games, and he can tell you all the frame data for those games as well. Tournament level player for most of his life. He used to be a really good flier back in the day too, but his cutiemark ended up lending itself toward machine design, so that’s what he stuck with. It really was the perfect fit for him because he loves tinkering with things and drawing blueprints. A real technical guy, my dad. Mom was… geez, could any two ponies be any more different? She always called herself arrogant, but she believed that hard work could achieve anything. She could fly fast and high, she’d set records back in her home town, and she was an Equestrian air track star. While dad was inside, mom was out and doing whatever she could to enjoy the sun. She could talk to anypony like she’d known them their whole lives, and she was always just happy to be around and be involved. Naturally, she was pretty competitive too, so she was the lady you avoid when you went to a kid’s soccer game. When she got vocal, dad got vocal, and when they were both vocal, it was hard to hear anything but them. I think my decision to get into flying back when I was real little was solely based on the freakin’ street brawl mom got into with one of the other moms at a soccer game once. She was… not welcome back, to say the least. That was the other thing about mom. Dad is pretty placid. He doesn’t show it when he gets mad, and really, I still don’t know what that looks like. Mom on the other hoof was… well, let’s just say my temper comes from somewhere. I just spent the day fuming and planned to fight somepony after school on that first day a few weeks ago. Mom would’ve started a fight right then and there. She wasn’t a mare you fuck around with. Ya know, looking-” Finally, I’d had enough. “Holy shit, will you stop talking if I play?” Rainbow let a little smirk crawl up her lips. “Maybe… maybe I’ll even… leave you alone if you beat me.” Challenge accepted. Now that I was in the game, it was a bit easier to stand her endless talking. Only a bit though. She lied to me. She had never planned on stopping. She just wanted to play with somepony. “Ponies used to tell me how much I looked like my mom. How much I acted like her, how much I was like her. I always looked up to her, I thought she was everything. Dad was… kind of in the background. He loved me, and he would get just as riled up as she did at events and stuff, but he was never so… alive at home, ya know?” I shook my head and prepared a bash as she was trying to get back to the stage. “No, really, I don’t. Please, keep talking, maybe I’ll figure it- oh, what? Fucking counters.” “Come on, I do that all the time. Stop. At least while I have a counter. You know who has them and who doesn’t. You’re playing one. Anyways,” “Ugh.” “When I found out what happened, I immediately blamed Dad for it. They always worked together, and he was so excited to get the assignment that he ignored us for months basically. If the plane exploded due to an engine failure, that was on him because that’s what he always said he did. He designs engines. That was his job. It was… a dark few years after that. When I was little, I tried to be like mom, so I talked to anypony and everypony. I would make friends with anypony, even if it was just superficial. I had a lot of friends and I knew a lot of ponies. When mom was gone though, I pushed everypony away. I hated the attention, I hated hearing them talk about me, I hated hearing them talk about her. I got in fights, and just like mom, I was brutal and violent. Dad was still his silent self and nothing was ever resolved, so I kept taking my anger at him out on other ponies, and eventually, I broke somepony’s legs. Doesn’t matter how old you are, that’s a criminal offense. Murderous intent or something like that. I spent a month in juvie, and I would’ve done longer if Dad hadn’t pulled some strings with some old friends in high places. Once Dad and I finally started to play games together and talked through all the shit that had happened, it was almost like I was normal again. Of course, ‘normal again’ and ‘rehabilitated’ are two different things. Ponies in the big city still knew who I was and what I did, so they wanted nothing to do with me. Moving here… really was one of the best things that ever happened to us. We both escaped our pasts and things… are finally okay. Everypony knows about what I did. They all know I have a criminal record, but… ya know, most ponies don’t seem to care. Nopony is afraid of me. Hell, half of them wanted to meet me. I went to church last week, probably for the first time since mom died, and instead of shunning us, some of them wanted to know if I wanted to get into boxing. They were impressed that I could’ve accomplished what I did being as little as I am. How weird do you have to be to look at somepony like me and think, ‘Hey, she beat the shit out of some kid, maybe she’ll join our gym?’ Nopony cares, and most of them are just happy to have me. Well… okay Trixie cared, but you can’t win ‘em all, right?” I rolled my eyes. “Trixie is a plague. The world would be better without ponies like her.” Rainbow shook her head. “Hey, don’t say that. Not everypony is… in a good place. I know I wasn’t, and after talking to Rarity about it, I… let’s just say that I would rather go back to juvie than deal with what she’s got going on.” I frowned. “Huh? Come on, it’s Trixie. She’s always been like that.” Rainbow shrugged. “Yeah, and that’s… kinda sad, honestly. Some of it might be her personality, but mostly… I can’t blame her for it. Is she a piece of shit? Yeah. But the scary thing I’ve learned lately is that there’s always a reason for everything. As much as ponies like to think it, not everything is black and white. Ponies make choices, and sometimes those choices lead to bad places, even if they were made with good intentions. Everypony would be blessed if we all had dads like Applejack’s. To still be… okay even after losing both her parents says a lot about how she was raised, ya know?” Oh… I… didn’t even know. “I… guess.” “But, that’s the thing. Not everypony gets a dad like that, and not everypony ever meets somepony like that. I like to think ponies are capable of being like the hero her dad was, but it takes a level of initiation, and not everypony has the will to do it, ya know? Like, take my dad for example. He killed his wife. On accident, no less. That’s grounds for wallowing in self-loathing until you kill yourself, right? But, seeing me lash out at other ponies to the point of almost killing somepony kinda woke him up. He told me that he was being selfish, like that. He wasn’t the only one mom dying hurt, and he couldn’t even see that. Neither could I. He had to do something to fix it, and he…” Rainbow giggled and shook her head. “He said he was sorry for not looking at me. What kinda loser says that? There are so many other words he could’ve used, but… I’ll never be able to unhear that. The way he said it… it meant a lot to me. Suffering sucks, but… suffering alone sucks more. I guess… what I’m trying to say is…” She stretched a wing out and put it on my shoulder. “I’ve been there, and I can help. If you’ll let me.” I chomped hard into my lip and preemptively wiped at my eyes. This dumb, blue pegasus with that stupid, bashful smile on her face. Fuck you. How dare you make me feel- “But if you don’t, I’ll keep bothering you until you do. I’m persistent like that. Mama didn’t raise a quitter.” And the water works are canceled. I sighed. “Nothing will make you go away?” She smiled big and bright. “Nope!” I sighed and let my head droop. “Well, I guess if you won’t leave-” A car honked and stopped my sentence. We both turned to see a bright red Viper pulled over on the side of the road by the bridge. “Hey, what are you doing here?” In the car was a pretty big dude with a pale purple-blue coat and a rainbow striped mane. His face was covered in a scraggly thin coat of darker purple that might’ve been some attempt at a beard, and he was dressed in a military uniform. “Playing a game with my friend!” she answered the stallion. Then she turned to me and gave me a cruel smile. “Can we have her over for dinner?” The yellow eyed stallion smiled. “Sure! Hop on in!” Rainbow gave me another kind of smile, and somehow, I felt like I couldn’t get out of this. I retrieved Gummy from her mane and let air out of my lips. “Fine.” “Bullshit. Who do you think you are, using a rage art on me? That’s not even okay,” Rainbow complained. “You were the one who threw out a button. All I did was punish you…” Rainbow’s dad’s character side stepped Rainbow’s kick and then a sort of cutscene happened. While her character’s hind leg was still in the air, the stallion in the hood threw out a hard right covered in red lightning and then the guy in the coat was stunned. The guy in the hood punched him a billion times, then the screen followed his hoof as he curled it up and red lightning sparked all over it. With a heavy grunt he threw it out and slammed it right in the other guy’s face. “KO!” Rainbow leaned her head back and sighed. She took her fight stick and put it down on the coffee table in front of the TV and then went to the kitchen. “I’m honestly a little upset you didn’t EWHH me. I know you can.” She reared up to the counter and started to wash her hooves. The older ‘male Rainbow’ leaned back on the couch and brought his hooves behind his head. “Rainbow, I’m an old man now. I’ve got arthritis in my carpus, I can’t do frame perfect inputs like I used to. Besides, the Rage Art is flashy and something your friend can understand. Electrics are just impressive to ponies who know what they are.” Rainbow groaned and then angrily opened the fridge. She hit a button on the oven and then started lining up food on the counter. “Whatever. You did that just to show off. You know the hook hoof combo is worth more. There was a wall there too. You left damage on the table.” Old rainbow put his hooves behind his head. “Maybe I did.” Then he looked at me. “So, are you from around here? I’m Bow Dash, by the way. We’ve always been bad at introductions.” The older pegasus held a left forehoof to me and I shook it gingerly. Actually seeing him up close was almost a little scary. He had a tattoo on his shoulder that looked not unlike a cloud with wind coming out of it over a goddess brand, and he was way bulkier than I’d initially thought under his jacket. His grip wasn’t super hard though, so maybe I was freaking out over nothing. “Uh, Pinkie Pie. I was born here.” He nodded. “Oh, so you are one of the Pies. I met the rest of your family the other day. Nice ponies. You and your mother look almost exactly alike.” I bit into my lip to fight off a groan. No we don’t. I don’t look a damn thing like them. “Oh… I see.” I pulled my hoof away and found my skirt to be the most interesting thing in the room right now. Of course he met my family. She said she went to church, they’re always there and I never am. Great, now I get to have the same fight with Rainbow’s dad that I did with my parents. Why won’t you come with us? What do you mean you don’t believe? How could you turn your back on the goddess like that? “So… any interest in learning the game?” he asked. I brought my head up and looked at him like he’d just spoken another language. “I’m sorry?” He gestured at the TV. “This one. Tournament of the Iron Hoof 7.” He… wants to teach me the game? He’s not going to attack me about faith? “Hey! I’m the one who gets to put my friends through the ringer! Don’t you go stealing my fresh meat!” Rainbow yelled at her dad. He smirked and raised an eyebrow at her. “Somepony has to entertain our guest while dinner is made. Somepony also lost while she had the advantage.” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Whatever, that was round four. I wasn’t not making dinner tonight anyways.” Her dad chuckled. “Oh, come on Rainbow. One of these days, you’ll beat me. Not with sloppy hoofwork like that pathetic display, but one day.” Rainbow growled and pointed a hoof at him. “You are so dead! I get to pick the next game!” There was a change in the air. Rainbow’s dad stood up and raised himself to his hind legs. He leaned in such a way that I wasn’t sure how he was balancing himself like that, then put a hoof over his stomach, rested his elbow on that, then curled his hoof under his chin. “Oh? You’re challenging me? Instead of running away, you want to fight again?” Immediately, Rainbow raised to the same position and started walking over toward the couch. “I can’t kick your ass if I don’t fight you again.” Her dad smiled and held his forehooves out. “Very well then! Fight as much as you like!” Without any warning, Dash threw a punch at her dad’s stomach, which he blocked and pushed away. Using the momentum, she swung around and threw a back hoof at his face. He flapped his wings and moved out of the way, then she launched after, bringing her back hoof down. Punch, block, punch, block. Hovering in mid-air while fighting now, Rainbow saw an opening and then tried to hit the older stallion with an uppercut. In an instant though, he caught her leg and spun her around. “Weak! A child could never compare to a soldier’s power!” He threw her into a wall across the room, which then made me notice how sparse the decoration was around this house. “I’m not a kid anymore!” Rainbow kicked off the wall and charged into her dad head first. The stallion’s belly caved in, and to the floor the two crashed. Laughing now, they rolled on the carpet until her dad had her in a head lock and was mussing up her mane. “Damn it! Ha- Stop it! Let go of me, you old fart! Your stupid beard is itchy!” “Is that so? Take this! Your struggle is useless, useless, USELESS!” He rubbed his face against hers while he tickled her stomach, and the poor filly couldn’t do anything but struggle and laugh. Eventually she got a free hoof and managed to sock the guy right in the snout. Her dad finally let go, and she rolled over to breathe. “Goddess… I thought… I was gonna piss myself… ha ha.” He nursed his snout and took a deep breath himself. “Geez, you coulda said that. Damn.” He wiped at it some more, then licked some blood off his hoof. “That guy was right. Maybe we do need to get you into the ring.” A loud beep beep beep rang through the house and then Rainbow got up and went back to the kitchen. “Oven’s up. These will be done in fifteen.” Mr. Dash got up and stretched, then came back to sit with me on their couch. I’m still not entirely sure what I just witnessed, but it was… the opposite of how my house was. “Alright Pinkie, we’ve got fifteen minutes before she gets done. Grab Noctis, and I’ll teach you how to beat Rainbow one hundred percent of the time.” He passed me her fight stick, and then directed me to pick the pretty boy in the top right. “Oh, my goddess, what the hell Dad!?” The darker blue pegasus looked up and smiled at his daughter. “Learn to block or die!” “NEVER!” They laughed again, and over the next few hours, I was taught and learned a few moves of this character. I even managed to cheese Rainbow to death with a few moves a couple times, so I’m not sure if I’m getting it or she’s just bad. It was a weird night, but I heard something that I haven’t in a very long time, and that was… the sound of my own laugh. What happened? How long has it been that I actually enjoyed myself? When I didn’t feel bad about what I was doing, or that everything I did was meaningless? How long… have I been like this? “Sorry, Dad and I are going to visit that gym today. I thought about it yesterday and figured, what the hell, why not? It might be fun.” Oh, okay… “I’d already promised Fluttershy that I’d watch the new episode with her today. Look, I’ll be free over the weekend alright? And we don’t even have school next week, so we can hang out then whenever.” Yeah, if your other ‘friends’ don’t take up your time first. Whatever. I went home after school and decided that with nothing else to do, I might as well clock in and do ‘my job.’ Dad is a fucking slob. A disorganized mess. Anytime I do anything around the mine, it’s shuffle papers around. I never get to go actually work the rock with my sisters, not after I almost dropped a stone face on Limestone, which was definitely an accident, whether or not she believes it. I spend hours here organizing all his shit and then nopony says anything to me about it later. At this point they don’t even complain about whether or not I do it. This house, these ponies, my family. It’s like I live in a bubble of silence. The only thing in this big empty building is me, and even when we’re all here, it feels like I’m the only one who ever makes noise. Has this always been like this? It makes me wonder if there was a time when we ever got along. It feels… so stagnant here. I’ve always been the odd one out. If it weren’t for the fact that Marble and I came out together, it wouldn’t have been hard to think my father doesn’t really belong to me. Mom and I have the same eyes, so they say. Somepony somewhere in my family is also pink… so they say. When? Where? On whose side? I have feathers on my shoulders. Does that mean there were pegasai in the family at some point too? None of my other sisters do. Who knows about my parents, they’re always wearing something. I don’t even know what their cutiemarks are. Do I know anything? Who are these ponies I live with? Am I really related to them? Is mom really my mother? How can I be here and be told all these things, all with the expectation that I believe them? Where does fact begin, and what goes under fiction? Fuck, I need some music or something. A way to be distracted. The empty work of skimming files and putting them in boxes for Dad to never read later always gets me like this. I wish he was here. He could serve as my distraction. The only pony who told me he cares, the only one who I can remember saying, ‘I love you,’ feeling him when he really meant it. She says she cares. But she’s never said that. I try and try and try, but she still won’t say it. And now… it feels like… I’m losing her. I felt like I was about to sneeze, but I knew that wasn’t the truth. In the office, I dug around until I found the hidden drawer under dad’s paperwork and took out a few of his cigarettes and threw them in my pocket. I was mostly done here anyways, so if I go now, nopony will stop me. When I take a deep breath and the smoke fills me inside, I’m relieved because I can finally feel something again. I’m not dead yet. I’m still here. Empty, alone, silent, but alive. The ash drips into the river, and the still water ripples around it. In the moonlight on this cold October night, I am here. Filled with a burning stench that I hate to love and love to hate. In a sentence, me. I texted her, hoping she might come meet me, but in the end, I never did get a response. The violet had given way to black, and the sky above was lit with star upon star, little glittering reminders of something overhead. “If there’s so much out there, beyond this place, how… did I get stuck here?” “It’s simple, really. You just didn’t have a choice in the matter.” My whole body shook and I backed away from the source of the sound as quick as I could. What the fuck? Who the fuck? Why the fuck? The Motor Mare took a puff of her own… cigar I guess, based on the size, and then let her hooves rest on the guardrail while she stared up at the stars. It smelled vaguely sweet, almost like cinnamon and sugar wafting lightly through the air. Nothing like the dirt that dad smokes. And I guess, the dirt that I smoke. Finally, my body relaxed, and I got back up on the guard rail and took another hit. “What are you doing here?” She’s the one that started all this shit. She’s the reason Twilight’s been talking to other ponies, the reason all these other ponies are talking to Twilight, the reason… Twilight doesn’t have time for me. It’s her fault. “Sometimes… I wonder that myself. A vagabond, a deadbeat, an exile, a warlord, a conqueror, a queen, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a murderer, a widow, an adulteress. I’ve collected so many titles over the years that I simply don’t know which one suits me best anymore. For now, I keep the name Celestia and hope that it means something to somepony else. With any luck, time has faded me from the minds of those I knew, or… maybe they’ve all passed on by now and left me behind. Only I retain my many titles and the ponies I meet will never know them. If there is one thing that is certain, ‘deadbeat’ is the one I live up to best. I hate that one the most. What about you, little one? What are your titles?” My titles? What is she talking about? More nonsense from the mare who never says anything coherent? I took another puff and blew out some shapes in my smoke. I’ve always been able to make shapes I like with it. Apparently, my tongue is ‘amazing’ or something like that. Balloons, piñatas, cakes, party hats. It all comes easily and naturally. It used to make him smile. I loved that smile. “Don’t you know it’s rude to answer a question with a question?” I finally asked. Again, without warning, I was suddenly enveloped by the big white unicorn’s magic. I blinked and then my position was different. There was warmth and a new texture all around me, and the stars were closer than they had been before. The billions of lights in the black, no, blue and red and violet. It wasn’t just dark out there, there were colors all around. Colors I couldn’t see before. “Was it like this, the first time?” she whispered. She was holding me tightly and pressing me to her chest, her lips softly nuzzling my neck. My body reacted before I could, my back straightening, my skin feeling something so light and sensitive that I wanted to turn and find hers. Before I could face her, she grabbed my head and made me look up. The stars had arranged themselves in such a way, that I could see a shape in them, but not make it out. A hoof had made its way between my thighs and suddenly everything tensed up and I gasped. A golden line started to draw itself between the stars until finally, I understood the shape. It was a cutiemark. It was his cutiemark, it was… hers. That was right, wasn’t it? This is how it started, all the way back then. “Yes♥” “Do you ever wonder… why she lets you do it?” Celestia asked. I couldn’t look at her, I couldn’t so much as move my face away from her chest. I’d wrapped myself so tightly around her because… if I let go, I’ll only fall. Here, at the top of the suspensions of the bridge, was like all there was to my world, and she… was everything. He was everything. She is everything. “I always do. I always push myself on her, and at first, I thought it was because… she felt like he did. But the more I… the more I did it, the more I… thought it wasn’t the same. Why…? Why did he leave?” The big white mare stroked my mane and held me tight. “I couldn’t tell you. Honestly, I doubt there are many who know at all. But I believe… that you know.” I bit into my lip. I bit so hard that I could taste blood. I pressed myself against her tighter. Her shirt had gotten so wet, and it was all… because of me. “But I don’t understand! Why did he have to go? Why… couldn’t he stay? Why…” With her insane strength, Celestia removed me from herself and made me look her in the eyes. Those sparkly golden violet eyes. I’d seen them before. So many times, looking at me like this. “I don’t know. But Pinkie, in my years, I’ve come to understand that in truth… we really, don’t know anything. They once called me the wisest mare in the world, and for the longest time, I couldn’t understand why. I don’t know anything. Ponies have learned so much over the centuries together that I, as an individual, could never know it all. In comparison to the wealth of knowledge we have to offer, I might as well know nothing. And that is when I understood. I know that I know nothing. These other ponies think that I know something because they themselves know nothing. They only realize that I know I know nothing, which makes them believe that I know something. Because I can speak the truth. So, I don’t know anything. Why don’t you tell me something? If you truly want me to speak the truth, then I must be given the knowledge. Why does she let you do it?” I sniffed and swallowed. “I don’t know…” “And that, is a lie. What is your relationship to him?” “I… don’t know.” “Wrong. What is your relationship to her?” “I… I really don’t know!” “Lies! Speak the truth! Who are you!?” “Pinkamena Diane Pie!” “Where are you?” “Underhoof, South Dartmoor, Equestria.” “Why are you here?” “Because… I don’t know how to live.” “Neither does anypony else. Tell me something girl, do you hate your family?” “I… don’t know.” “False. Tell me the truth.” “I hate them, alright!?” “Untrue, but closer to the truth. Continue.” “Okay, I don’t hate them… I… don’t understand them. I hate the silence. Nopony speaks. The house is so quiet all the time that I can never tell if anypony is home. If they are home, then they’re all doing something mutely on their own. Dad will be managing the paperwork, Mom will be getting something ready for dinner, Maud will be studying and reading about new mining techniques, Limestone does whatever the fuck Limestone does, and Marble will be reading alone. I’ve tried to talk to Maud about my problems before, but she never listens. I can never tell if she’s even there half the time. Limestone can go fuck herself. Crybaby, the useless twin, dipshit, dumbass, pink moron, it’s like she’s got a new insult every day. I swear if I ever got the chance and she was at the edge of the quarry…” “No you wouldn’t.” “No I wouldn’t.” I sighed and looked at my hooves. I don’t remember them being so dark at the tips. I need to get them cleaned or something. “Marble… I don’t understand Marble. She never says anything bad, sometimes she says something nice, but I could count the words she’s said to me in the last month with my hooves. Too placid, too passive, the baby. Mom and Maud might as well be the same pony, if she does talk to me, it’s just to tell me I’m being an idiot and to do something else. Like, what the fuck? Why do you get to talk down to me about everything I do? And Dad, ooh, fuck that guy!” “Incest is a punishable offense, please don’t.” “And fuck you too! Goddess, you know what I mean.” “Only if you tell me the truth. I can’t interpret what you don’t say.” “Ugh, I hate him, okay!? ‘You shouldn’t do this, you shouldn’t do that, that boy is a bad influence, what did he do to you, where did my daughter go?’ Where are you? Why are you never here? Why aren’t you fun like Rainbow’s dad? Why is our family three times the size as hers and half as loud!? I live with dead ponies, and they all have a pulse! You didn’t used to look at me like that, what happened to you!? I don’t understand what changed. I don’t understand why they changed. I don’t understand why everything is so quiet. I don’t understand… why they won’t look at me anymore. Why did they change?” “Idiot!” Without warning, Celestia pushed me off her lap and off the bridge tower. It was almost like, time had slowed. I fell, and fell, and fell, and slowly but surely, the ground started to get closer. I didn’t scream. I wasn’t afraid. If anything, I felt relieved. The shell would finally be broken, and the void would finally take me. Of course, it was never that easy. Just as it looked like this was the end, the motorcycle caught me and I landed in a big, plush seat. The big white mare jumped down from the bridge, and landed so hard that her hooves made an impression on the road. “Have you learned, nothing!? What foolishness, what folly, how foolhardy! Stupid girl, have you no eyes!?” I turned around and backed into the seat as far away from the big scary mare as I could. “Goddess, what did I do!? Why are you getting all medieval on me?” The white mare raised a hoof like she was about to slap me, and I cowered away. When nothing ever came, I opened my eyes and Celestia was shaking her head. “How pathetic. A fear of pain, but no fear of death. I’m taking you home. This has gone on long enough.” With a heavy hoof, she grabbed me by the back of the neck and threw me between her legs as she mounted the motorcycle. “Hey, what the hell? I thought-” “Lies! Lies, lies, lies! You have yet to think! Had I no use for you, I would have let you die right then and there! Time and time again, I’ve told myself that children are stupid, but you! Oh, you are the crown jewel above them all! Not only are you an idiot, you are a blind idiot. You can’t tell the difference between affection and abuse. You think love looks like lust and lust looks like love. You’ve thrown away the most precious gift you can give, and you don’t even realize it! How could one so thoughtless have become a note? How did you ensnare her into your heartless love? Disgusting.” On the way home, we drove in silence. I think I was attacked. With words, I guess, but attacked no less. And I… just don’t understand. One minute she holds me like him, the next like… like mom used to, and then… then she does that. Why did she… turn like that? Was… is it my fault? She parked outside the estate and instead of making me get off, she turned off the engine and then put her hooves around my belly. “My… darling, idiot, Note of Hope, let me tell you a story. There was once an array of light bulbs. They were hung above a small river on either end, and they were used during celebrations that happened for weeks at a time that ran well into the night. A bulb in the center notices something has changed. He looks and looks and looks, but he’s unsure as to what has happened. As it gets darker that night, he then realizes that it is dimmer than it was. He asks the ones he can see if they’ve gone out. They all seem to shine so bright, but none of them have stopped shining, so why is it dimmer? The other light bulbs look at him, but none can seem to speak. ‘Why won’t you answer me? Why won’t you answer me?’ he asks them all in frantic succession, but none answer him. Suffering in silence, he finally gives up. None of the bulbs will speak, but none will admit to being dimmer either. In his sorrows, he looks to the water. Finally, he understands. It was his own light that went out. None of the other bulbs had the heart to tell him, so they kept it to themselves out of love, out of shame, out of sorrow for the dead bulb. Now that he understood, he wept. ‘What happened to me?’ I don’t understand anything. What the hell did she mean? Why would she tell me a story like that? Why… did she act the way she did? I couldn’t figure it out. I finished my test today, and I was beginning to wonder if my absences were anything to worry about. These tests suck. I could swear they didn’t used to be this hard. Every time I get to a new page it’s like I’m trying to translate a sentence in Equuin to Equestrian. I’m not even in the hard class, so what happened? When I was finally free and the bell rang to signal the end of class, I went over to the other 7th grade room in the girl’s school to see what she was up to. As per usual, they were all together. The orange earth pony, the white unicorn that wasn’t Celestia, Rainbow, Tall Kid, and Twilight. My Twilight. It was weird though, none of them were playing any games today and they were all gathered around the orange kid with a book in her hooves. “What is that?” Rainbow asked. “A yearbook. Ah was thinkin’ about some stuff, and since Ah got my cutiemark the other day, Ah figured Ah’d see what Ah looked like last year,” Country Kid said. Rainbow pulled up her skirt, and sure enough, there was a mark there. Three apples. Weird, I thought she lived on a pear farm. “Dude, nice! How long ago did that happen?” Orange Apples raised her snout and bumped her chest with her hoof. “Last weekend. Did ya see my guitar?” Rainbow nodded. “I did. I guess that explains the marks all over the fretboard. Did you have it personalized? It looks… very you I guess.” Apple Orange shook her head. “Nah, Ah’ll tell ya about it later. Hey! Let’s find everypony. Dash should be the only one without a picture…” Tall Kid hid her face behind her wings. “D-don’t do that! I-I still…” “Ah didn’t know ya had braces.” Tall Kid retreated into herself even further, and now all that was there was a big ball of pale yellow feathers. Flutter Shy? Is… is that her name? Flutter? In the picture, her mane was much shorter and she had these really… unflattering pink braces that brought too much attention to her… admittedly crooked teeth. That must’ve been painful. Looking at her now though, you would never know. Guess they worked. “And there’s yer picture Twi. Ah didn’t know ya knew how ta smile.” Country Kid wrapped a hoof around her neck and brought her close. I ground my teeth together. Twilight giggled and pushed herself off. “Oh, come on. I can smile. I just… don’t feel the need all the time, that’s all.” Her picture was… relatively similar to the way she was now. She’d grown a little taller, her horn was bigger, and I think she’s gotten prettier, but she was… mostly the same. Underhoof never changes, and neither do the ponies in it… unless they leave. Then they just disappear forever. “Hey look, there’s… huh. Wow. Pinkie, was yer mane always so… straight?” Apple Orange was addressing me. I moved over to get a better look at her hoof on the other page and sure enough there I was but… even I wasn’t sure that was me. Pinkamena D. Pie, the name is right, but… the picture looks wrong. My mane is all poofy and curly. Like a mess of pink cotton candy. My coat was a bright pink, and even my mane was something closer to a saturated magenta. I looked down at my coat and picked up a bit of my mane and now… neither of these were like the picture. My coat was almost gray, maybe with a hint of pink, and my mane was somewhere between gray and dark pink. In the light, even my hooves looked different. They were stained black at the tips and pale gray where they used to be a shade of dark pink. Something is off. Something is wrong. I’m not the pony in that picture, and that pony isn’t me… right? I shook my head and started to back away slowly. “Pinkie?” Twilight asked. No, no, no, why do you sound like that? Why would you say my name like that? You shouldn’t sound like something is wrong. You shouldn’t sound like something has changed. Nothing ever changes. Everything stays the same. This is Underhoof. The blue skies in Underhoof are always the same. I bolted from the classroom and ran down the halls until I found the bathroom. There in the mirror was somepony I didn’t recognize. She looked tired. Her face was thin like she hadn’t been eating. Her eyes are almost a pale gray, and they were bloodshot. Her mane was straight, almost to the point that it looked brittle and frail. Who… is this? “Mom? Are you around?” I called in the silent house. In this place, there are two floors and an East and West Wing. One room for each sister, dad’s study, the office, their room, and the laundry room. In the center was the foyer where the two staircases branched off to the wings of the house. On the top floor were all of our rooms. Each bedroom had its own bathroom, and each bathroom had a tub, toilet, sink and shower. On the bottom of the right wing were my parent’s room and dad’s study. He was the only one in there more often than not, and that’s where all the books were kept. “I’m in the office!” she called from the left side of the house. I found my way down the left hall, passing the whirring washing and drying machines and the empty kitchen until I found the office at the end of the west wing, door open. She was sitting at the desk typing away at the computer, likely doing more expense reports. Today is October 31st, so everything has to be itemized and accounted for. “Yes? Do you need something dear?” she asked. I scanned the files around, but as I figured, there was nothing but shelves full of binders and records in this room. From old and yellowed with hoof written labels all the way to shiny and new. The Pies have always had a knack for record keeping, so it was no wonder some of the earlier binders were dated starting with 18XX. If we had binders that far back, then maybe… “Do we… have a photo album somewhere?” The older gray mare scrunched up her face. “A photo album? As in, a record of family pictures? Or do you need something to do with the mine?” “Family pictures.” Mom nodded and got up from the desk. “Of course, there’s one in the study. Follow me.” I don’t know why I asked. I could’ve found this myself. Down the polished wooden halls with white washed ceilings we walked until we came to the room at the end of the right wing. ‘Dad’s Study’ was something like a library with a big evergreen desk with a sizeable TV on it that served as a monitor. Instead of going to the shelves, Mom went to one of the drawers in dad’s desk and pulled out a really, really thick book simply titled ‘Pie Generations.’ “Now, what are we looking for? Something recent or something old? Is this about your feathers?” She knows? “Uh… sure.” She nodded and then flipped several pages in until she came across an old faded and yellowed page with a number of pictures with timestamps from seven decades ago. She waved me over with a hoof and then had me sit by the chair. She put her glasses on and then pointed at one picture. A stallion, earth pony, a mare, pegasus, eight foals, all various shades of gray and only two of them pegasai. “The white mare there is Surprise Party, and she was my grandmother. The little one on the right was my mother, Drizzle Stone.” I looked at the time stamp written in black marker. 11/15/1959 “Huh?” If Drizzle Stone wasn’t the spitting image of Marble seven years ago, then the white mare in this picture wasn’t a pegasus. Though, her eyes were blue, like mine and mom’s, where Marble’s were violet, like Surprise’s. The oldest mare also had a big fluffy mane that almost looked like yellow cotton candy… just like mine used to… “Is she…?” Mom shook her head. “Before you were born, I’m afraid. My father and his father were notorious smokers. The Quartz family is famous for the glass work they do, and those stallions had pipes in their mouths every day it seemed. Mother fell to the lung cancer first. It was… an abrupt and sudden end, and none of us were prepared for it. Igneous and I quit that very day. My father would go a few years later. I’m certain my lungs were damaged growing up in all that, and smoking like a chimney like I did in my youth. He and Igneous bonded over their favorite tobacco, so there’s no telling how bad we’ll end up. Don’t smoke honey. If I make it past 60, then I’ll be lucky.” But… isn’t she in her late forties? She… she can’t do that! “Why…?” She patted my head and flipped another page. In these pictures was what I could only imagine was a young dad. The mane and sideburns were there, and the colors were right. The weird thing had to be the pink mare he was always next to. There were only five ponies in these pictures, but then the older stallion stopped showing up and something about dad was… different. “Your grandfather, Sedimentary Pie, was a victim of a cave in when Igneous was fifteen. We have strict guidelines for support beams for this very reason. As the oldest stallion in the family, he was set to inherit this place, and so inherit he did. His mother, Sakura, was a mare your grandfather met overseas when he fought in the Jeju war. Though she technically should’ve been the one to take over, she was a foreign national and never took a citizenship test. We could never pronounce her last name. Umanese, apparently. We were never sure what killed her. Some disease ponies on this side of the world are immune to. That was… Oh goodness, two decades ago? Ah, how time flies.” “If you truly want me to speak the truth, then I must be given the knowledge.” Is that why I never knew? Why I was never told? I never met them… because I never had the chance? That would also explain why it never came up. They just… aren’t around. I didn’t know… because I never asked. I flipped a few more pages until I came across us. It was a family picture, taken last year. Just like the one in the yearbook, this one had me in it, but I… looked like somepony else. How can that be me? I don’t look like that. This one was taken with a much newer camera, and the stamp was printed on the bottom corner. 7/25/2012 “Oh… this is after… before…” Mom closed the book and then brought me into her chest. The pain my teeth made in my lip hurt so bad that I started to cry. It was me, wasn’t it? Nopony else changed, I did. I’m the dim bulb. I… lost my light. “M-mom,” I sniffed and swallowed. “W-what happened to me?” She ran her hoof through my mane and sighed. “Pinkie… I hate to do this to you, but I can’t answer that. Instead, I have to ask you something that you don’t want to think about.” She pushed me back and then made me look her in the eyes. In all these pictures, the one thing that was consistent were those crystal blue eyes. In my pictures, in hers. “Did he really love you?” Like fog being blown away, like a mirror shattering, like a wall coming tumbling down, I could finally see for the first time in a year. I ran as fast as I could away from the study and into my room. My little lizard hopped on my back and I locked my door behind me. Through the tears, through the blankets, through the stabbing pain in my chest, a single word echoed repeatedly like the beating of my throbbing pulse. “No.”