Chapter 12
Allen eased himself into bed after a long day with a tired sigh. Over the past several days he felt as though he’d been run ragged. Most of his exhaustion was mental in nature, dealing with what felt like mountains of paperwork could do that to a person. There was also the physical exhaustion of having to run around and do things. Things such as getting tested for unknown diseases, as well as getting vaccinated for diseases native to this world before they could cause him any harm.
Allen was just glad he hadn’t been anywhere near the hospital when the local medical establishment had been informed of his presence. From what he’d been able to glean from Red Tape, his conversation with the head nurse of the Ponyville General Hospital, a Nurse Redheart, hadn’t been pleasant. Red Tape had actually admitted to Allen that he’d been concerned that Redheart looked about ready to place the entire area under quarantine, at least till he’d admitted to having left Ponyville and traveling back to Canterlot with Blueblood the previous day. At that point, she’d just about blown her metaphorical stack and it was only the timely intervention of the head doctor, Dr. Stable that had managed to calm the irate nurse down.
Unfortunately, even with the calming influence of the doctor, Nurse Redheart had still been rather upset with being left out of the loop and the casual disregard for proper first contact medical procedures. That had translated into a rather uncomfortable and awkward first meeting for Allen with Equestrian medicine, his butt was still sore from all of the rather, energetic shots he’d been given. What was worse, he still had several more shots that he needed to go in for later on, but that was future Allen’s problem.
Luckily for everyone involved, Dr. Stable and Nurse Redheart hadn’t found any diseases that could easily transfer over to ponies in the short space of time Allen had been in Equestria, and with culture samples from pretty much everything they could think to get from him, they were confident that any potentially dangerous diseases that had come through from Allen’s world would be swiftly countered before they could grow to plague sizes.
Though it wasn’t just samples from Allen that they’d taken. They’d done an extensive collection of samples from all corners of Allen’s farm as well, soil, water, manure, hay, and the list went on. It had taken them nearly a full day of tireless work to sample and catalog everything they could think of, and it would take them even longer to fully analyze the samples for potential problems. As such, until the farm had been given a clean bill of health, it had been placed under a semi-quarantine, meaning only a select few ponies could enter the premises. That also meant that Allen was not allowed to sell anything from the farm until told otherwise. Thankfully, he was told it wouldn’t take long, a few days, maybe a week at the most, as the hospital was currently in between crises at the moment, and thus the staff didn’t really have anything to do other than the occasional bout of sickness or injury.
As Allen finished making himself comfortable for the night, he felt his mind wander back to the day when the representative from the D.O.T.I. had arrived with the local mayor to begin negotiations. However, he’d noticed that the Apple’s hadn’t arrived with them and when he had inquired as to where they were, he was told that, ‘they had other pressing matters to attend to and would be unable to come. The D.O.T.I. rep, a young Earth Pony mare by the name of Checklist, had assured Allen that she had already met with them and taken care of their side of things and would be representing them in the coming meeting.
The mayor, an Earth pony mare named Ivory Scroll, didn’t really have many issues to discuss, she’d been there mainly to represent the town and its concerns, which as mentioned, had been few, thankfully. However, the same could not be said of the D.O.T.I. representative, as she had caused the most grief, at least for Blueblood that is, Allen had gotten off relatively lightly in that regard, though some of it had still splashed onto him.
The meeting had pretty much gone as follows, both the mayor and Checklist had arrived slightly before Blueblood and Red Tape, and had introduced themselves, after several minutes of small talk, the aforementioned stallions arrived. Allen had invited everyone into the dining room and they had all taken seats around the table, Allen at the head of the table while the two mares sat to his left, and the stallions to his right. Mayor Ivory Scroll, though she said that most ponies around here called her Mayor Mare, which Allen found odd, but decided not to question it, had started off the meeting by asking a couple of questions.
These were questions that had for the most part been addressed by both Red Tape and Blueblood when they had initially met with Allen, such as what he was planning to do with the farm, what his legal status would be, and so on. However, once those questions were out of the way, the harder ones started coming from Ms. Checklist.
Most of these difficult question were directed at Blueblood. “Tell me, Your Grace,” began Checklist, an inquiring look on her face, “who is going to pay for the various damages done to my client’s, the Apples?” She turned her fuchsia-colored eyes to Allen as if silently measuring his bank account and finding it wanting. “I highly doubt, Mr. Ross is capable of paying for these damages.”
“It was my impression that the D.O.T.I. had an insurance pool for things such as this,” replied Blueblood frostily.
Checklist smiled, it wasn’t a happy smile but was more like the smug smile of a predator who had successfully baited their prey into a trap and were merely savoring the moment before they moved in for the kill.
“We do, however, in this case, our lawyers feel that the government should pay the damages, seeing as this disaster was due primarily to the royal governments... mismanagement of Discord’s holding facilities. Thus, we feel as though the cost should be paid by the royal treasury instead of the D.O.T.I.”
Blueblood’s face scrunched up as if he’d bit into a particularly sour lemon. “I do not believe that we should be discussing this topic right now unless you intend for, Mr. Ross to pay a share of the damages as well.”
Checklist merely laughed, though there seemed to be little genuine amusement in her laugh. “Don’t be absurd, Your Grace, there is no way on Epona’s green Equus that the D.O.T.I. would ever expect someone who is in the situation that, Mr. Ross is in to actually pay for anything. Especially when they themselves are as much the victim as the injured party. However, if you don’t want to negotiate here, then I suppose we can put that off for a later date,” she said, before then reaching into her bag and extracting a manila folder about an inch thick. “Until then, I’ll just leave you with our preliminary damage estimate.”
Taking the thick folder in his magical grasp, Blueblood gingerly floated the papers over to Red Tape as if it were a disgusting piece of trash that he wanted to keep as far away from his pristine, white coat as possible. Red Tape for his part accepted the folder without complaint and transferred it to his saddlebags for later perusal.
Checklist meanwhile had turned her attention from Blueblood and Red Tape to Allen, and her demeanor changed from that of the preverbal cat who ate the canary, to a more motherly expression, whether it was genuine or not, Allen couldn’t really tell.
“So tell me, Mr. Ross,” began Checklist, her tone of voice having changed to reflect her outward expression of a mother like figure hoping to provide comfort, “what has His Grace told you about the D.O.T.I.?”
“Not much,” replied Allen, somewhat hesitantly.
Checklist gave a mirth-filled chuckle. “I’m not surprised, to be honest, the nobility and us haven’t really gotten along since our founding over five hundred years ago. Probably has something to do with the fact that we helped curtail their economic power over their fellow ponies, and won’t let them exploit the working class like they used to.”
Blueblood replied with an irritated huff. “Or it might have something to do with the fact that your organization has nearly caused ruin upon the economy several times over the past five hundred years, what with your attempts at central planning nonsense.”
Checklist waved away Blueblood’s words as if they were smoke from a bothersome fire. “And those programs would have worked if you nobles hadn’t sabotaged our efforts!” she replied with a scowl on her face.
“If we hadn’t intervened, thousands would have died from starvation and our economy would have collapsed under the weight of an inefficient system of bureaucratic meddlers, no offense, Red Tape,” he said quickly to the bureaucrat next to him.
“None taken,” replied the bureaucrat.
Checklist rolled her eyes. “Well, we’ll never know will we, seeing as how your ancestors stopped Director Steel Plow and the others from going through with his vision,” replied Checklist frostily.
“And thank Epona for that, of course, that didn’t stop you ponies from trying to ruin my family financially twenty years ago, now did it?”
Checklist sighed, and placed a hoof against her temple in an attempt to stop a headache from forming, she was partially successful. “For the last time Your Grace, what happened back then was not some sort of revenge plot against your family, but an honest mistake, that need I remind you, was not only rectified, but that the Director apologized for.”
Blueblood huffed and leaned back in his chair, an unconvinced look on his face as he folded his forelegs across his barrel. Allen for his part just sat there, quietly hoping that he wouldn’t be noticed as the tension in the room ratcheted ever higher.
Finally, when it felt like the silence couldn’t get any more oppressive, Mayor Mare decided to step in. “Yes well, as fun as it is listening to the nobility and working class go back and forth, as usual, I think our energy would be better spent helping, Mr. Ross adjust to his new situation, wouldn’t you both agree?”
For their parts, both Checklist and Blueblood suddenly seemed very interested in Allen’s dining room table, if their blushes and embarrassed expressions were anything to go by.
Clearing his throat, in an effort to save some face, Blueblood replied, “Yes... that would probably be for the best,” turning his attention from the table top to Allen, he continued, “In any case, you shouldn’t have to worry about the details regarding the compensation of the Apple’s for damages to their land, Mr. Ross, isn’t that right, Ms. Checklist?”
Checklist gave a vigorous nod of her head in reply. “Of course, I was hoping to simply have Blueblood over there sign off on the damage values, but since he’s going to try and weasel out of paying,” she shot him an annoyed look, before turning back to Allen with a kind smile, “we’ll just have to take care of that at later date, so you needn’t worry about that.”
Allen simply nodded. “I see, and so long as I won’t need to worry about paying anything in regards to that, I guess that’s that?”
Checklist’s ears folded back against her scalp, and her smile became a bit more strained. “Well, I wish that was it, but there are a few more things that we’re going to need to do before the D.O.T.I. can fully sign off on your farm, Mr. Ross.”
Allen had a sudden sinking feeling form in the pit of his stomach.
And here comes the other shoe.
“Such as?” he asked with a tired sigh.
Checklist once again reached into her bag and withdrew a small stack of paperwork, and sheepishly pushed it towards Allen.
“Well, for starters we’ll need to get your farm registered with the Ministry of Agriculture, which shouldn’t take very long with our help. After that, we’ll need to inspect the buildings, land, animals and your equipment. This part is mostly to make sure that both safety and health standards are met.”
“Of course, and how long will that take?” asked Allen.
“Well, it really just depends,” replied Checklist.
“Depends on what, exactly?”
Checklist twirled a hoof, which to Allen was something amazing to see an equine do, and replied, “How many buildings you have, acreage, the state of your equipment, and most importantly, what you intend to do with your farm.”
“What’s that got to do with anything?” queried Allen.
She gave a slight shrug. “As I said, it depends. If you intend to supply domestic markets, then you’ll have to adhere to strict quality standards, whereas if you decide to supply the export market, you’ll have a little more wiggle room as it were.”
“I would think that the export market would just as strict on standards as the domestic one,” replied Allen, a confused look on his face.
Checklist shrugged again. “You would think, and we have tried in the past to get that changed, but certain ponies keep blocking us,” she shot Blueblood a dirty look. Who for his part returned her look with an air of unconcerned disinterest.
Turning to regard Allen, he clarified, “The export standards are set by the receiving country at the time of trade negotiation, it is not our fault if that country’s safety standards are not to the same level as that of Equestria. Furthermore, I might add that while we don’t use our countries high, and some might say, burdensome standards, we do make sure that our exports meet a minimum level of acceptable safety. If for no other reason than to protect our reputation. Besides, Checklist, you are making a mountain out of a molehill, most exporters use Equestrian standards for their goods anyways, as to do anything else would prevent them from selling on the domestic market.”
“Ah yes, most of them do, so you say, but what of the ones that don’t, Your Grace,” she replied, her words dripping with venom as she all but spat out Blueblood’s title.
Blueblood for his part simply rolled his eyes. “They are of course dealt with according to the law if they have broken it. However, I have yet to hear of a major incident regarding our exports in terms of safety. I would think that anypony worth their cutie mark would do their best to make sure that their reputation would remain untarnished. Therefore, it is a moot point at this time, as Mr. Ross is currently unable to sell anything until his farm is given a clean bill of health by the local authorities.”
“Which should hopefully be done within a week or two, or so I am told,” interjected Red Tape.
Checklist gave a curt smile to Red Tape and replied, “Thank you, Mr. Tape, I assume, that you’ll forward us the reports when they are finished?”
Red Tape gave a shallow nod in reply, “Of course, I’ll have them sent over as soon as we receive them.”
“Thank you,” replied Checklist with a curt nod of her head, turning her attention back to Allen she asked, “Was there anything else that you wished to discuss at this time, Mr. Ross?”
Allen shook his head. “No, I don’t believe so, unless you have more paperwork for me to sign or something else that needs to be brought to my attention, I can’t think of anything at this time, other than the obvious matter of my limited funds, but between the funds from the government, and loans from a bank, I’ll probably get by.”
“Mr. Ross, I would just like to mention that the D.O.T.I. does have financial assistance programs available for those who are financially stressed. I’m sure that the government’s assistance will help somewhat, but I doubt it would be enough to help you secure a strong future by itself.”
Allen nodded. “Probably,” nodding his head towards Blueblood and Red Tape he continued, “Both His Grace, and Mr. Tape have already gone over some of that with me the other day, though we have yet to finalize any amount yet. Besides,” he gave a humorless smirk, “it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to make do with a shoestring budget before, I’m sure I’ll manage just fine.”
Checklist fought the urge to let her ears fold back against her scalp. Instead, she pricked them forward and said, “Mr. Ross, while I am sure that, His Grace and Mr. Tape have in fact told you that you are owed compensation by the government, as I mentioned before, I doubt it would be enough to allow you to get a strong start. I’ve got some literature here on several programs that we offer, along with low-interest loan options,” she said as she again reached into her bags and slid several pamphlets towards Allen from across the table.
Taking the pamphlets in hand, Allen glanced through them and said, “Thank you, I’ll take a look at them later, and think about it.”
“Of course,” replied Checklist, a happy smile forming on her face. “Well, if you have no more questions or concerns at this time, let’s go ahead and get started on this paperwork, and then we can begin the preliminary inspection, sound good?”
“I guess,” replied Allen, and with that, the group got to work.
The paperwork, while tedious, wasn’t painful, of course when you have four individuals whose job it was to deal with paperwork on a regular basis, you tend to have a lot of support that cuts down on the uncertainties. That being said, it still took nearly four hours to sort through and sign everything that the D.O.T.I. would need for their purposes, and Red Tape had not been idle either, he’d brought fresh paperwork for Allen to look through and sign as well.
Most of it had been simple things that pertained to his finances before he was brought to Equestria. Luckily, with the power now restored to his home, he had been able to fire up his father's office computer and sift through whatever financial information had been on it, which was a lot more than Allen thought. The ponies for their part had been amazed by his dad’s computer, Red Tape, in particular, had been practically gushing over the Microsoft Office programs, and it had taken a concerted effort to get him back to the dining room once they had gotten the needed information from the computer.
The rest of Red Tape’s paperwork involved Allen’s citizenship status. Due to his sudden, and unconventional arrival. Allen was being fast-tracked through the application process, and as a consequence, he’d inadvertently ruffled some feathers.
Obviously, someone was going to take exception to being delayed in getting their citizenship, but due to circumstances, it really couldn’t be helped, and this was the lesser of two evils in regards to public relations. Both the princesses and Blueblood were keenly aware of how the papers were covering this story and they didn’t want public opinion to go against them.
Therefore, they had been determined to sort this mess out as quickly as possible, with as little fuss as possible. Currently, Allen’s property had been quietly ‘seized’ by the crown and was being held temporarily by the government, in which they were the ‘official’ owners of the land as far as the law was concerned, and that Allen was just a ‘resident caretaker’ for the time being. However, as soon as the necessary paperwork had been completed, it would be officially, though quietly, returned to him. Allen for his part was unaware of this particular development, as nopony had thought it would be necessary to tell him, seeing as how it would all be sorted out in a timely manner, or so they hoped. In the meantime, everyone just tried to push through the legal briar patch they had inadvertently stumbled into, without breaking too much in the process.
“And done,” said Red Tape, as Allen signed the last page of his citizenship related papers.
Letting out a sigh of relief, Allen set the pen down and stretched. “Finally, I thought this would never end,” he complained.
Red Tape and the others chuckled. “Oh trust me, this isn’t nearly as bad as it could have been. Seeing as you are from a country that we don’t have any diplomatic relations with, it could have been a lot worse, luckily for you, Princess Celestia felt that you had suffered enough, and so we just went with the standard citizenship packet instead.”
“How generous of you guys,” replied Allen sarcastically, before turning to regard Blueblood and Checklist and asking, “So now what?”
Both Blueblood and Checklist looked at each other and after a moment replied, “I believe that should be everything, save for the inspection, which we can do now if you want,” said Checklist, while Blueblood simply nodded in agreement.
“As she said, that should be all that is left to do at the present time.”
Sighing, Allen replied, “Yeah, might as get it over with, where would you like to start?”
“Well, I suppose the nearest barn would be fine,” she replied, pulling out a clipboard and pencil.
“Alright then, if you’ll follow me, we can get started.”
Giving a nod, Checklist and the other three ponies, followed him outside. Walking across the farmyard, Allen suddenly felt self-conscious over the condition of his farm. Every building was in some state of disrepair, paint flaking off of wood, rust on metal, weeds growing in the old flower beds, grass poking up through the sidewalks and cracked concrete pads, rusting machinery sitting around unused. Not too mention his dad’s ‘resource pile’ a massive collection of various junk that his dad had thrown thereto, as he claimed, ‘store for later use,’ when in reality it was just going to sit there and rust and or rot away. All in all, Allen’s farm was in poor shape.
Walking into the main barn, an old wooden gambrel style barn, Allen flipped on the light switch, which bathed the inside of the barn with a warm glow. Checklist immediately began her inspection, poking around and looking over various things, occasionally she would ask Allen a question, but for the most part, she was content to silently judge the dilapidated surroundings.
After several minutes, she turned to Allen and asked, “I see that you have some animals here, Mr. Ross,” she pointed to several cows in a nearby stall, calmly chewing their cud, their tails lazily swinging back and forth.
“Yes, I do,” replied Allen, unsure of what she was going to say next.
“Tell me, are these animals from your world?”
“They are,” he replied simply.
“Are they sapient?” she inquired.
Allen blinked, his brows suddenly knitting together in confusion. “I’m afraid I don’t follow.”
“It’s a simple yes or no question, Mr. Ross,” replied Checklist with a huff, “they are either sapient or they are not, now please answer the question.”
“Uh, not that I’m aware of if you’re asking if they can talk, then no, none of my animals can.”
Checklist’s face relaxed, and she smiled. “Good, I’m sorry if I caused any confusion, but there are many species that are sapient here in Equestria, and we don’t want to see anyone held against their will. Not only that, but I assume you keep some of these animals for food purposes?”
“Well, I like a good steak as much as the next guy, yeah.”
“I see, well, in that case, you’ll need to be aware that bovines are sapient here in Equestria, though there are other breeds outside our country that are not. Therefore it is very important to us to make sure no sapient bovine ends up as someone's dinner by mistake. I trust that you understand what I am getting at?” she replied, a less than warm smile adorning her face.
Allen gulped. “Yep, I fully understand, no eating things that talk back.”
The cold smile quickly disappeared and was replaced with a warm one. “Super! Let’s keep going, shall we?”
“Y-yeah, after you,” said Allen, motioning to the stairs leading down into the old milking parlor.
As Checklist descended the stairs, Allen whirled on Blueblood and angrily whispered, “Why didn’t you tell me that you guys have cows that can fucking talk?!”
Blueblood felt his ears pin back and a nervous smile overtake his muzzle. “I’m terribly sorry, Mr. Ross, but in all the excitement, I’m afraid it didn’t come up. I apologize for how Ms. Checklist reacted to you there. I had thought she was informed of your animal's sapience, or I should say, their lack of it. I can assure you that this won’t happen again.”
“Good, see that it doesn’t, I don’t like being accused of slavery or that I eat people in my spare time.” And with that, he stomped off after Checklist.
Blueblood for his part turned to Red Tape and asked, “I thought you said that you included the Guard’s sapience report with Ms. Checklist?”
“I did!” countered Red Tape. “I made sure that it was one of the first things that they saw!”
Blueblood’s eyes narrowed in suspicion as he watched Checklist’s backside disappear into the lower floors of the barn. Either she didn’t see the report, or she did and wants to make sure that Allen knows we don’t tolerate that kind of behavior. Either way, it made me look like an idiot in front of Allen. Which is probably what she wanted in the first place, the irritating nag. Thought Blueblood bitterly. Shaking his head, he dispelled those thoughts from the forefront of his mind and hurried off after Checklist and Allen, while Red Tape and Mayor Mare brought up the rear.
Down below, Allen watched as Checklist picked her way through the cramped and dingy milking parlor. The parlor hadn’t been used in several years, as his family hadn’t been able to compete with the bigger dairy operations in the area, and so had been forced to sell off their cows when feed prices got too high. Though for whatever reason, his dad had kept the equipment. Of course, that equipment was now covered in dust and cobwebs, and Allen wouldn’t have been surprised if some of the non-stainless steel pieces had started to rust.
Guess that’s why Checklist is here, don’t want to take the risk of selling contaminated milk, though, seeing as I don’t have any cows, it’s a bit of a moot point.
“And what was down here?” asked Checklist, as she continued her inspection, occasionally stopping and jotting something down on her clipboard.
“Milking parlor,” he pointed to a large door at the back of the room, “cows would come in there, and we would tie them up in these stalls here and use a milking machine to collect their milk every day. The milk would end up in a giant metal tank in the next room over for collection. Course I don’t have any milk cows anymore, the family had to sell them, seeing as how we couldn’t compete with the bigger dairy farms in our area at the time.”
“And how do you keep it all clean?” she asked.
Allen shrugged. “How else, hot water, soap, disinfectants, and a good scrubbing. Our machine has ports at several points that allowed us to inject high-pressure water and cleaning solutions through the various parts. It worked pretty well too, as we never failed an inspection nor did we ever receive a complaint about contaminated milk.”
“Hmm, I see, well judging by the current state of your ‘milking parlor’ you won’t be selling any milk or milk products anytime soon.” Tearing a piece of paper from her clipboard, she handed it to Allen and said, “This part of your farm doesn’t pass inspection I’m afraid. This room is too small and constricted, not to mention that it’s dirty down here, and there isn’t enough ventilation or proper escape routes in case of an emergency. So I’m afraid until you modernize your milking operations, you will not be allowed to partner with any dairy co-ops, sorry.”
“Dairy co-ops?”
Checklist nodded. “Yes, it’s how most cows in Equestria make their money. They will sign up with a co-op, usually, the one their mothers were part of, and sell their milk to various companies and farms in Equestria. The co-op negotiates the terms and conditions of the milking contract, and how much the co-op will receive in compensation. Then they will distribute the money to each member within the group, this gives the cows a stronger collective bargaining influence when compared to a single cow on her own trying to negotiate a contract.”
“What about the bulls? What do they do?” asked Allen, now genuinely curious.
Checklist shrugged. “They’re also part of the co-op and are usually contracted out for hauling and other agricultural work. While cows aren’t as strong as an earth pony pound for pound, they come pretty close, so they often do a lot of the same jobs as a traditional earth pony would do. They make up about fifteen to twenty percent of the agricultural labor force, so they have a pretty strong presence.”
“And how do they determine who gets paid what in the co-op?”
“It depends, some have a more egalitarian model where everyone gets an equal share, while others are based on how much each individual member brought in, meaning the more you made, the more you keep. The co-op obviously takes a cut of the pay, but they use it for various services, such as schooling, healthcare, and pensions for older members.”
“I see, so if I want to milk cows again, I’d have to deal with one of these co-ops?”
Checklist shook her head, “Not necessarily. While most cows elect to join a co-op, there are those that don’t want to deal with the politics of being in one, so they elect to go solo. Of course, these cows tend to have a lower standard of living as they don’t have the same protections as those in a co-op. The D.O.T.I. has been working over the years to put stronger protections in place for these individuals, but...”
“Special interests get in the way,” replied Allen with a knowing look.
Checklist soberly nodded. “Yes, ‘special interests’ get in the way.”
A contemplative silence fell upon the two as each stood there with their own inner thoughts. This silence, however, was broken by the clunking of hooves on wood as the other three members of their party carefully made their way down the narrow stairs. Giving herself a shake, Checklist turned back to Allen and said, “Well, as I mentioned before, your milking parlor did not meet minimum standards, and as such until you fix the issues that are outlined on that sheet I gave you, you will not be allowed to partner with any dairy co-op or individual cows.”
Allen glanced down at the sheet in his hand, giving it a cursory look. Well, judging by the list of ‘recommended’ fixes, I won’t be having any milk cows anytime soon. I mean seriously, she wants me to put a freaking door that leads outside at each milking station? I’d have to knock the entire north wall down to accommodate just this requirement. Scratch that, I’d have to build a new barn as there’s no way I can fit a milking parlor that conforms to the minimum floor space they require in this barn. Sigh, and here I was hoping for some easy money.
Stuffing the paper in his back pocket, Allen turned his attention back to Checklist and asked, “Anything else that you wanted to look at while we’re here?”
Checklist flipped through her clipboard and after a few seconds asked, “Where do you keep your hay and grain products?”
Allen motioned to the stairs they had just come down. “I keep hay in numerous locations around the farm. The hay for my animals is kept in this barn, any hay we intend to sell is kept in another barn. We have a couple of silos for grain, but we haven’t used them in a few years, so I don’t think they’d pass your inspection.”
Checklist hummed to herself. “Well, I’ll still need to inspect them, whether they’ll pass inspection or not, would you lead the way please?”
“Sure, this way,” replied Allen, as he headed back upstairs, Checklist hot on his heels, while Blueblood and the rest groaned to themselves as they turned around and headed back the way they had just come.
The rest of the day had gone about as well as Allen had expected. Checklist had pretty much failed every aspect of his farm in regards to his ability to sell on the Equestrian market. She’d found that his main hayloft had been full of old dusty hay, some of it moldy and that various animals had left droppings behind. Not too mention that his roof had a few leaks in it and that several sections of hay had been ruined by moisture leaking through the roof.
That had just been the main barn. The silos had also failed inspection, leftover moldy grain, rat and bird droppings everywhere, not to mention that there were leaks in the roof of the silos as well. Needless to say, Checklist had not been impressed. The only bright spot in the whole affair had been that the secondary hay storage barns, being newer pole type barns with concrete foundations, had passed muster, if barely. Though Checklist strongly recommended that Allen make some improvements to them before the next hay season to ensure that there wouldn’t be any future issues.
Allen had promised that he would see what he could do.
The final stop on their tour had been Allen’s equipment sheds. These were the buildings that stored what was left of his family’s farm equipment. It wasn’t much. Years of financial troubles made it hard to keep equipment running, and in some cases, they’d had to sell some of their better equipment to help make ends meet, so most of what was left were the tired, worn out machines that weren’t worth selling save for scrap.
As he opened the door and flipped on the light inside, he heard a gasp behind him. Turning, he saw Checklist staring opened mouthed at the various farm implements scattered throughout the shed. Carefully trotting through the maze of equipment and junk, she came to a stop next to an old looking machine that said ‘Super M’ on the side in faded white letters, and gazing up at it asked, “What is this?”
“Just an old tractor, we use these instead of horses or oxen to pull our farm equipment these days,” replied Allen, an almost bored expression on his face.
“How does it work?” asked Checklist.
Allen shrugged. “It runs using a liquid fuel called gasoline. The gas, goes into the engine,” he pointed to a big block of metal at the front of the machine, with wires and tubes coming out of it, “and using air and a spark, it creates small explosions inside the engine, which force pistons inside to turn a crankshaft, that then creates mechanical power to the gearbox which in turn allows the tractor to move. More or less.”
“Can you show us?” she asked.
Allen shook his head. “Naw, that tractor hasn’t run in a couple of years, and I’d rather not waste fuel getting the other one to start just to show you that it can. I’m afraid you’ll just have to take my word for it. Unless you need to see it run as part of the inspection.”
Checklist’s ears fell in disappointment. “Ah, no, not really. I was just very curious is all. My father was a tinkerer when I was a little filly, and I guess a little of his love of things mechanical rubbed off on me over the years.”
“Well, if you want, when I’m ready to do first cutting, I’ll let you know and you can come out and see the whole process from start to finish. How’s that sound?”
Checklist’s face lit up with a huge smile. “That would be wonderful, thank you!”
Allen gave a sheepish smile in return. “Though I do have to ask, are there any rules regarding the use of mechanical power to harvest food for you guys?”
“There are, but so long as the minimum standards of contamination are met, there shouldn’t be any issues. Ponies have been using muscle, and steam-powered machines for years, and oil and grease does tend to get into and onto the food from time to time. So long as you don’t try to sell anypony any oil/grease-soaked food products, there shouldn’t be any issues.”
Allen let out a sigh of relief. Thank god, I was afraid she’d tell me that I couldn’t use my equipment because it was too dirty or something.
“Well, that’s good to hear,” replied Allen aloud. “Was there anything else that you needed to look at today?”
Checklist took a look around the large shed and replied, “Well, not at the present. I do want to come back later and see how your equipment works. As well as make sure it is in line with safety and health codes, but as of right now, I think we’re pretty much done. You need anything else from him, Your Grace?”
Blueblood shook his head. “No, I believe that we have everything that we need from Mr. Ross at the present,” he paused and looked to Mayor Mare, “anything else you can think of madam mayor?”
Mayor Mare brought a hoof to her chin and tapped it thoughtfully a few times before hesitantly replying, “I can’t think of anything that I need from him. Both you and Ms. Checklist seem to have gotten all the legal stuff squared away.”
Blueblood nodded. “Very well then, was there anything else that you wanted to ask us while we are here, Mr. Ross?”
Allen feeling tired and overwhelmed shook his head. “I’m sure there’s something I’m forgetting, but I can’t think of anything right now.”
The ponies all nodded in agreement. “I understand that this is overwhelming, Mr. Ross, just remember that if you need anything from us, we have a small branch office that recently opened here in Ponyville. You can use them to get in contact with me at any time. I’ll be sure to leave them my contact information when I head back to Manehattan today,” said Checklist helpfully.
Blueblood, not wanting to be outdone, quickly replied, “And if you need anything from either myself or the crown, please don’t hesitate to let us know. Here,” he floated over a small card to Allen who gingerly took it in hand, “is my card, just send me a letter if you need anything at all, and I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” replied Allen as he carefully stuck the card in his pocket.
“And don’t feel shy if there is something that I can do for you,” chimed in Mayor Mare, a wide smile on her face, “after all, as the Mayor of Ponyville, it is my duty to see to the needs of all our local residents, no matter how big or small those needs are.”
Yep, I bet it is, and that this isn’t your attempt to butter me up before the next election in any way. Thought Allen skeptically to himself.
“And what about you?” he asked Red Tape.
Red Tape gave a small smile and a shallow bow of his head. “If you require anything from Her Highness’s Bureaucracy, then I shall do my best to aid you. However, it would probably be best if you went through either His Grace, the D.O.T.I. or your local government first. We, bureaucrats, are difficult to get a hold of at the best of times.”
“Yeah, I kind of figured, bureaucracy seems to stay the same no matter which world you happen to find it in, big and always expanding,” replied Allen humorously.
Everyone laughed at Allen’s witty reply. However, after a moment the laughter died off, but their smiles remained.
“Ha, so very true,” remarked Red Tape, as he wiped a tear from his eyes, “however, as I said before, your best bet is going to them for help before coming to me. In any case, the hour grows late and the prince and I have to get back to the capital.”
“And I need to get back to Manehattan,” remarked Checklist, “I’ll send you a full list of recommendations in the next few days on what you can do right now to get your hoo-er, feet under you. Additionally, it’ll also have a complete and detailed list of everything that needs to be fixed, and what we recommend that you do to fix them. If you have any questions, our office here in Ponyville should be more than willing to help you.”
“I...appreciate that, Ms. Checklist. I won’t say that I’m happy with the knowledge that my farm isn’t up to snuff, but I can’t say I’m surprised. But I suppose that’s life.”
Checklist quietly nodded. “I understand that no one wants to hear that their business isn’t the best. But they would probably like it even less if they found out that their products made others sick because their business wasn’t up to code either.”
Allen shook his head. “No, probably not.”
“Well, until next time, Mr. Ross, have a good night,” said Checklist as she turned to leave.
“Indeed, have a pleasant evening, and remember if you need anything, I’m only a letter away,” said Blueblood as he and Red Tape also bade their farewell, leaving just Allen and Mayor Mare behind.
As Allen watched the three ponies trot off into the waning evening sunlight. He couldn’t help but feel as though he was being used. Especially considering the open hostility between Checklist and Blueblood throughout the day. Even now, as they left, both of them were trotting as far apart from each other as they could manage without making it super obvious and making a point of keeping Red Tape between them as a buffer. Turning to regard the mayor, he asked, “So, think they’re far enough away now that they can’t overhear us yet?”
The mayor gave him a quizzical look. “And why would you want to know that?”
“Because I wasn’t born yesterday, and I can tell when someone is buttering me up,” replied Allen flatly.
Mayor Mare’s ears fell flat, and she shifted back and forth on her hooves slightly. “Well...” she began, uneasily, “I won’t lie and say that I know all the details, but...” she paused, and gave a quick look around as if worried someone would overhear them. After a second or two to reassure herself, it was safe, she continued, “The D.O.T.I. and the nobles have never gotten along.”
“I kind of figured as much, seeing as how Checklist and Prince Blueblood got along about as well as cats and dogs do.”
She gave a humorless chuckle. “Yes, it is rather obvious isn’t it,” she sighed, “needless to say, you are probably right that they are trying to win you over to their side, one way or the other.”
Allen felt a chill wind blow past, and he shivered for a moment. Motioning for the mayor to follow him, he started back for his house. The sun had since set, and the first few stars were twinkling into life in the night sky above.
As they walked, Allen said, “But I thought Checklist said that they had curtailed the nobility’s economic influence?”
“Curtailed yes, eliminated, no,” replied the mayor, “ever since the D.O.T.I. was founded as a way to help the common-born ponies improve their lives, and have a common, united voice against the excesses of the nobility, they and the nobles have been fighting each other for control of Equestria’s economy. Right now, they share it equally, and the system more or less works. But as you told Red Tape, bureaucracy likes to grow, and the D.O.T.I.-”
“-is like any other bureaucracy. It too wants to grow,” cut in Allen.
“Precisely,” replied Mayor Mare with a sharp nod of agreement.
“So where do I fit in?” asked Allen confused.
Mayor Mare shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m just a small town mayor, but if I had to guess, I’d say Blueblood is trying to maneuver his way into your good graces in case more of your kind shows up. I mean, only a blind fool could see that if you could be brought here along with your farm, who or what else could as well? I believe he thinks that if he can keep you happy, you’ll be willing to tell any newcomers that the crown, and by extension Blueblood, and by extension the nobility are good for them too.”
“And that they should throw their lot in with the status quo as it were,” replied Allen.
“At the minimum, yes, that and make them more money through investments,” said Mayor Mare with a nod, “at best, it’ll give them more influence and power than the D.O.T.I. and allow the nobles to roll back some of their changes. Same goes for the other party I would imagine. You represent an unknown potential in the world of high stakes politics, and while I can’t speak for every noble out there, I know for sure that Blueblood would do anything to keep his aunt’s on the throne.”
“Why, are they in danger of being ousted?”
“Oh, good heavens no!” replied Mayor Mare with a hearty chuckle. “I highly doubt that any sane pony would want the two guiding lights of our nation thrown out of office. I mean, Princess Celestia has been ruling for over a thousand years, and has been responsible for raising the sun, and until recently, the moon.”
Allen felt an eyebrow reaching for the heavens.
“It might sound strange to you, but it is the truth, both Princess Celestia, and her recently returned sister, Princess Luna, have control over the heavenly bodies and are considered immortal and ageless. Without them, Equestria, and the rest of the world would be forever locked in perpetual day or night, along with all the consequences that go along with that.”
Allen held up his hands in defeat. “Okay, I ain’t gonna argue about who does what around here, for all I know, you’re right, but that’s beside the point. What should I do?”
Mayor Mare shrugged. “Do what you think is best. I highly doubt you’ll be able to single hoofedly swing the balance of power one way or the other. Right now, the D.O.T.I. have a large membership and have gained a lot of good favor with the common folk. The nobility on the other hoof really hasn’t done much, until recently, to fix their image so to speak. Don’t get me wrong, there are good nobles, and for all his... eccentricities, Blueblood is a good duke. He takes care of those under him, and doesn’t do anything outrageous... usually, and there are other nobles out there that are good ponies at heart, just as there are those who aren’t. The same could be said of Ms. Checklist’s organization. I guess, what I’m trying to say is that not everything is black and white like we would like it to be. Blueblood has worked very hard over the past few years to rebuild his family’s shattered financial fortunes, and he might see you as an opportunity to help him reclaim lost glory. Checklist might just see you as an individual who just needs someone to help them navigate through the complexities of a new world. Or they could each have ulterior motives that neither of us can see.”
“And what about you?”
Mayor Mare turned to look up at the night sky and didn’t respond immediately. Finally, she said, “I’m just trying to keep my town from burning down what seems like every week now. So long as you follow the law and pay your taxes on time and don’t cause trouble for people, I don’t really care what you do, Mr. Ross,” turning back to regard Allen with a small smile she said, “I just want everypony to get along, that and re-elect me come fall!” she finished with a laugh.
Allen gave a snort of amusement. “Heh, and there’s the hidden motive.”
“What can I say, I’m a politician, campaigning and schmoozing the voters is what I do!” replied Mayor Mare with a sly grin.
“I guess that’s fair,” said Allen, with a simple grin. Though after a moment, his grin faded. “That still doesn’t leave me with a lot of options though. I don’t like being someone’s pawn in a game that I can’t even see.”
Mayor Mare’s grin softened and she placed a comforting hoof on Allen’s leg. “I didn’t mean to make you think that you’re some sort of helpless pawn in a game of power. For all I know, both His Grace and Checklist are being sincere in their efforts to help you, and there isn’t any hidden motive behind their actions. Don’t feel that you have to pick a side because you think one group will turn on you if you do. If they offer you help, take them up on it, if that help comes with strings attached, then figure out how to keep from getting caught in them or avoid them entirely. Remember, at the end of the day, you should be playing for your welfare, not somepony else's.”
Allen gave a thankful nod. “Thanks, anyone tell you that you give good speeches?”
Mayor Mare’s sly grin came back in full force. “Only every other day,” taking her hoof from his leg, she turned to leave and shooting him a sympathetic smile said, “if you feel you need somepony to talk to, my door is always open. Unless the towns on fire or a monster is attacking, then it might not as open as normal.”
Allen gave a chuckle in response. “Understood, thanks, I’ll keep the offer in mind. Have a goodnight mayor.”
She gave him a cheery wave good-bye. “The same to you, Mr. Ross,” and with that she turned and trotted off, leaving Allen alone.
He watched her go for a moment before turning and going inside. Shutting the door behind him, he turned the lock and proceeded to get ready for bed. Twenty minutes later, with all the lights turned off, doors locked and nightly rituals concluded, Allen felt himself drifting off to sleep as the day's events slowly faded from his tired mind. Though one thought that kept playing over and over in his tired mind was.
Where do I go from here?