"JACK! Will you hurry up you lazy prick!? We're gonna be late to the Gala!"
Jack slumped over the couch and smirked at the bathroom door while Gilda changed inside.
"I am hurrying Gilda. Definitely putting in my best effort."
"Oh shut it! I can hear your smug face from here! And go put on that gilded mess you call a tux already!"
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Jack warmed General Lee's engine out front of his porch and waited for Gilda to show herself. As expected, she had taken longer to get ready despite the fact that Jack had waited an hour before starting on his outfit. He shined the bright gold buttons on his recreated black admiral's jacket and flicked up his collar around his bright, almost luminescent, red cravat. Tucked to one side of his barrel was an intricately patterned gold-and-silver-gilded cutlass, though not as ornamental as it may have appeared. A pristine top hat was held in his hoof, with a skull-and-crossbones patch sewn into the red band, much like a pirate's flag.
Jack straightened up as he heard the door creak open and prepared a pleasant, pleased expression for his date's outfit, whatever her appearance may be.
His jaw dropped, hard. Into the ground and beyond, and his staged expression was lost to the wind.
A sleek, form fitting red silken dress hugged her curves, with gilded highlights and a bright red fan of dyed shed feathers affixed to a black disk pinned perfectly just up and to the right of her face. The little black disk the red feathers were fused to had a white skull-and-crossbones painted onto its surface, tying her outfit to Jack's. Among her wings she had set a few dozen gold feathers for a wow factor. Finally, she had practically buzzed one side of her head feathers, and swooped the purple highlighted feathers that normally hung over her face off to the side. A simple change but undeniably fancy while remaining as punk as Gilda should be.
Gilda strode out confidently, if a touch awkwardly, and Jack couldn't help but admire his own handiwork. He was far from fame as a designer, but he knew fancy. And he knew how to do fancy while not distracting from, but rather accenting one's natural beauty. The accenting done this time, however, had left him speechless for one of the few times in his life.
The dress was obviously made for her, but Gilda seemed born to wear this dress.
Jack swallowed hard and attempted to clean up the teeth that had surely dropped with his jaw as Gilda fidgeted anxiously.
"W-well? I look pretty dorky, right?"
"Gorgeous..."
Gilda turned as red as her dress.
"W-what was that?"
Jack snapped out of his trance and immediately started hacking a lung out, avoiding eye contact completely.
"*cough* Horrendous, *cough**cough* don't know what I was thinking with these colors. Oh well, no time to change it now. Guess I'll have to suffer dancing with such an ugly outfit."
Gilda scowled and quickly made her way around to the passenger side, saying nothing more, but smiling slyly to herself.
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"Why are we going so slow? I know General Lee can pull like five times this without trying. Aren't we gonna be late?"
"I refuse to be on time for a party celebratin' royals and high government power, not to mention the two-gods-who-are-not-really-gods-but-who-shall-remain-nameless. We shall be fashionably late, bust in through a window and straight into a waltz, like we practiced."
"Wait, when did we-"
"Your enemy base busting drills that I ran with you last month. They're multi-purpose."
"... Well that at least explains the limbo dodge."
"Nah, that works in combat too. You hit one properly, you'll finally see the Matrix."
"Still don't get the references, Jack."
"You will. Soon."
Dismissing his "pop-culture references," Gilda pondered for a hot minute how she could cool Jack down a bit off his zealous need to cause anarchy. She wanted the night to last a bit longer than: cause property damage, dance, get drunk, and run like hooligans before the repair bill comes.
"... You realize that the longer we aren't there, the more alcoholic beverages are being drunk without you. All that delicious wine, just being savored by all those snobby royals, who won't even get properly drunk because they’re too classy- OOF!"
Gilda found herself stuck to her seat as Jack suddenly accelerated, murderous intent flowing off of him.
Well she was going to be on time, now she just had to make sure Jack didn't eviscerate the first royal he came across.
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Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie stood in awe of the vastly decorated palace before them.
"At the Gala!"
"At the Ga-"
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!
The music sputtered and died as the magic was lost. An orange car they were all very familiar with pulled right up to the gates before slowly rolling down a window. Jack leaned out with an extremely annoyed glare.
"Abso-fockin-lutely no music numbers. Unless there is an actual instrument somewhere in the mix I don't wanna hear it."
The car pulled forward, clearing the path as Jack grumbled about "pansy-ass music magic bullshit" and how the flash mob ruined his entrance, and Spike just snickered at Jack's perfect timing.
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A grey stallion strode through the gates like a majestic bipedal juggernaut, promising anything in his way to be flattened instantly by his smart military garb. A beautiful female Griffin was at his side, clad in such a stunning style that any eye not drawn to her imposing partner was on her. The royals quickly cleared the path for this "new, eccentric royal" and his "inferior, but assuredly beautifully dressed date."
They whispered among themselves, eagerly wasting no time to see if anypony knew what house he belonged to, what his assets were, and whether he was honestly dating that droll bird or if he was an eligible bachelor.
" 'Er Name is Gilda, you bloody twat."
A group of noble ponies recoiled in surprise as the grey stallion suddenly appeared inside their little gossip huddle. A brown unicorn with a monocle and bowtie choked out a reply.
"I-I beg your pardon!?"
The stallion leaned in closer, making the trembling stallion lean back further.
"You 'eard me, pisshead. The lovely lass over there is my date of choice, and you will refer to her respectfully, and by name, or I WILL CARVE YOUR BLOODY EARS OFF YER SKULL."
The growling grey stallion stalked back to his date, who wore an amused expression, leaving behind a shuddering noblepony to drop into an unpleasant puddle. The crowd gradually recovered from their shock and began whispering even more quickly.
"Thanks, but you really didn't have to do that."
"Names don't faze me. Insulting my closest friends is among the chief things that piss me off, however."
"You consider me a friend?"
"Pretty damn good one at this point. I don't even charge rent you know, and my couch is high class."
Gilda snorted in laughter at the idea of that, admittedly comfortable, but run down couch she slept on being classy at all. She made a little mocking curtsy.
"Your -heh- couch is my castle, Lord Marley."
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Celestia felt a shiver go down her spine, and stiffened immediately. Twilight, who was greeting nobleponies beside her, soon noticed.
"Princess Celestia? What's wrong?"
Celestia let out a shaky breath and leaned over to talk quietly in her pupil's ear.
"Well my instincts and magic alarms tell me- Oh hello Lord Ironhoof, thank you for coming- that an incredible demonic presence just entered the castle- Doctor Hazel! How good to see you- the only problem is that none on my subjects are screaming and running in terror yet."
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"Say, is that Spike?"
Jack looked up from the barrel of fine wine he was prying the lid off of to see what Gilda was talking about. And, lo and behold, a dejected baby dragon was wandering around aimlessly amid all the posh ponies, many of which were watching Jack with horrified fascination as he broke open the fifth barrel he had encountered/drank.
"Huh. Poor little sod. Looks like bitch squad deserted him to fend for himself. Wankers, the lot of them."
"Should we let him join us?"
"Might as well, this stuff's weak enough I doubt it'd do him any harm."
Gilda set down her glass and ushered a shell-shocked Spike over to her greedy date as he chugged down yet another barrelful of wine. Jack soon dropped another empty barrel along with the rest in the corner and flicked off the single drop that spilled on his coat.
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Celestia had excused herself from greeting the nobles and was following her instincts through the gala in search of the presence she had felt earlier. She glanced around the sea of ponies, the nearest of which spent all of their time trying to get her attention, but she would not be so easily deterred.
Finally, Celestia was led to the dance floor, where the element of laughter ran about trying to get ponies to "Party Harder" or something.
"Did you find the threat, Princess?"
Twilight had joined her at some point, but Celestia was distracted by the possible threat and simply asked the first thing that came to mind.
"Wait... if you are here, Twilight, then who is greeting the guests?"
"Um... nopony?"
Celestia sighed and dismissed that problem for later as she scanned each of the dancing couples for traces of demonic possession, since there was no obvious threat in the room, a dark force must have enslaved one of her ponies to infiltrate the event. Because none of her ponies would ever turn on her, obviously. And it was preposterous to think a demon could look like a pony. Simply preposterous.
Jack stood idly directly behind the Sun Alicorn, drinking from an easily carried keg of wine, as she cast scanning spell after scanning spell, eventually checking all of the ponies in the room. He wore a bemused expression as he wondered what she was doing.
Curses... I know the presence is near me, in this room even, and yet it eludes me.
Gilda soon joined Jack in watching the display, it was actually quite entertaining to watch her get more and more agitated.
Celestia and Twilight flinched as laughter sounded behind them. They turned to see a red-faced Spike grinning at the two of them with a camera held in his claws.
"The look on your face, Princess! You looked so confused!"
Twilight rolled her eyes as the Princess blushed sheepishly. Twilight found her eyes drawn to what he was holding.
"What's with the camera? Where'd you even get that, Spike?"
"Oh, Jack nnn' Gilda asked me to picture themm. For memem... memries or somethin."
Twilight narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
"Spike. Are you drunk!?"
His mouth when into an "O" shape before he began chuckling again.
"Nooo~! Hehehe..."
"Spike! I ought to- huh?"
Twilight found herself distracted by the sudden shift in music. From the usual, waltz background music, to something she didn't have words for. She looked to where the band had played before and found them suddenly joined by thirty more earth ponies toting wide, shark-tooth grins, coal black manes, red fur, and orchestral instruments. Twilight was certain they hadn't been there just a moment before, but found herself distracted yet again as the lights suddenly darkened except for a single spotlight in the middle of the dance floor.
Two figures stepped into the light, one leading the other, and both of them so dressed to the nines it took Twilight a moment to place them. Jack Marley, and Rainbow's old friend Gilda the Griffin.
As the music suddenly swelled and flowed, hoof and talon met in a natural, powerful movement that embodied intense attraction toward the other. They twirled and spun, and encircled each other in a display that raptured the attention of everyone that beheld it. A perfect synchronization of music and movement that would be impossible to replicate outside of this room and moment.
Jack took the lead, leading the griffin with powerful strokes and lifts, pulling her through a crazy dance of instinct and skill that was only possible through the magic of music taking effect and a devilish touch to keep it where he wanted it to be.
And Gilda, was radiant. She flared her wings at impactful moments, dazzling the crowd with the gold feathers placed there, and letting Jack throw her lighter frame about in arcs of beauty. Despite being shorter than her by a significant degree, he danced with an ease of strength that left a wonder in her of just how strong he really was.
As the song faded away at last, Gilda found herself out of breath from the incredible dance, and leaned back with Jack holding her close to the floor and his muzzle a bare inch away from her face. One of his hooves was around her waist, and the other behind her head. A moment passed, and golden eyes stared into blood reds. Surprisingly, the reds broke first.
Jack suddenly stood her up and averted his gaze in a rare moment of shyness as applause began to pick up around them. Gilda could swear his face had reddened before he looked away and growled under her breath. As the lights turned back on, revealing the mysterious orchestra had vanished, she suddenly seized him by the collar and dragged him back.
"You kiss me right now, Jack Marley, or I wi-Mnf!"
Cheers, (and six dejected wails) kicked up in roaring approval as Gilda melted into the contact, her beak suddenly crushed by the force of the kiss.
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"I am focking smashed right now~!"
Gilda giggled as Jack lay upside down over the couch, possibly the most drunk she'd seen him. She couldn't deny she was extremely drunk as well, and quite possibly in love with this little Irish shit. He suddenly straightened his face and rolled over to face her.
"HeyHEY! Serious question. Hypothetically, if I was to have ye in my place at some point-"
"*SNRK* So completely hypothetical then?"
"Yeah! Anyway, and like you goes to the bathroom. And while yous in the bathroom I eat this banana and put the peel on the floor. And then I meticulously plan the trajectory of yer slipping on the banana peel, and then place myself on the floor, completely naked and erect! ... Am I responsible? Or...?"
Gilda put about a whole second into her thought process, her drunken mind coming to the most logical conclusion.
“Yes. Buuut I wouldn't complain~”
Gilda also just so happened to hypothetically visit the bathroom not long after.
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"WUZZAT?"
Jack fell to the floor with a grunt and jumped up a moment later to attack the thing that had set him off. A familiar bundle of sexy feathers still wearing a red plume and some gold feathers was halfway buried underneath the covers, and a quick sniff confirmed his suspicions as to what had happened.
There was only one appropriate response.
"Huh, neat."