//------------------------------// // 094 - Sombra's Clipshow 2: Electric Boogaloo // Story: Songs of the Spheres // by GMBlackjack //------------------------------// Giorno Giovanna, Overhead of the totally-doesn’t-exist Intelligence Division, knocked on Olivia’s door. As expected, the door slid open in three separate layers with much fanfare, ominous purple lights, and a bit of ominous mist. Olivia turned away from her endless wall of screens and fixed Giorno with a coy smirk. “What can I do for ya, boss?” Giorno was unfazed by any of this - he had come to expect it from her. “I’ve recently promoted one of our newer recruits. She’s proven herself more than enough to deal with more sensitive information.” “Oh wow, am I really hearing this right? You’re giving me one of the new recruits? An impressionable young mind?” She chuckled. “And here I thought you were concerned I’d be a bad influence!” “Oh, you will. But in this case…” “It’ll be the best thing evah!” A pale white human jumped into the room wearing the Skaian robes of Void - but her eyes were not dead, rather filled with life. “I’m Roxy Lalonde, but you already know that!” Olivia grinned. “Yes. Yes I do. Oh yes I know who you are!” She put her hands on Roxy’s shoulders. “We are going to have so much fun.” “We’ll burn the place to the ground with our suave moves!” Giorno let out a short sigh. “Show her the ropes, inform her about some of our more important operations, I trust you know how this works.” “Aye-aye boss!” Olivia said, saluting. “You can get back to your pasta hair, don’t worry!” Giorno didn’t dignify that with a response - he just left. Olivia pressed a button and closed the door. “So… Roxy, amiga. Wanna see somethin’ cool?” Roxy’s eyes sparkled like crystals. “Yes.” Olivia turned on her primary display, selecting the program Sombra’s Clipshow. “I have here a program that taps into ka itself to show a random series of bizarre events that are happening across the multiverse. Things like time, causality, and common sense mean nothing to this piece of code. We might even see ourselves on it - or we might see things that will not happen for a few weeks. But above all, we will see things that are funny.” “...Woah…” “Woah is right.” Olivia handed Roxy a fruity drink. “You might need this, we’ll be here a while.” “What does this have to do with Intelligence Operations?” “Absolutely nothing!” Roxy broke out into a grin. “Yessssssssss~!” ~~~ The room was silent as O’Neill stared down his opponent, nary a sound save for the ticking of his office clock and the sizzle of a cigar still smouldering in the adjacent ashtray. Normally the smell of smoke was irksome, but O’Neill had to make some sacrifices in this ultimate battle of minds. His opponent? The greatest military mind the Imperium of Man had ever known. Commander of the Cadian 8th, Commander-in-Chief of the Astra Militarum, the Lord Castellan himself, Urarasker Creed. The stout, stern-faced military man had not made a move throughout the entire exchange, staring down the Overhead with one hand clenched firmly around a still lit cigar. The wait had gone on long enough between these old war-torn veterans. “Your move, Commander.” O’Neill said. “Right that it is, General.” Creed replied. He put his cigar to his lips and slowly took a puff, intaking the nicotine and sharply exhaling a cloud of smoke in O’Neill’s face. Intentional or not, it was a rude gesture and O’Neill made sure of it as he covered his eyes to avoid the sting of the smoke. When he opened them up again, he glanced down and saw that the game had changed. He sighed and glared back at the Lord Castellan. “Can you stop replacing your pieces with artillery tanks? This is NOT how you play chess!” Creed just smirked and chomped the end of his cigar. “It’s how we do it on Cadia.” “Cadia doesn’t exactly exist anymore now, does it?” “Shut up and play, O’Neill.” ~~~ “GIRLS!” Mattie shouted, smashing down one of the doors of Swip - a Sweetie Belle spaceship. “THE RATING HAS GONE DOWN!” Cinder, an orange-eyed Sweetie, blinked. “Rating…?” Suzie put a hand to her forehead. “Oh for the love of… Mattie g-” “That means I can’t mention [CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED] or [REALLY CENSORED] anymore!” “I don’t know what half those words mean,” Cinder pointed out. “And it’ll stay that way,” Suzie muttered. “Off my ship.” “Fiiiiiiine…” Mattie whined. “But just you wait, I’ll be let free eventually, and then none of you will escape the montage queen’s raunch.” Squiddy, an inkling Sweetie, rolled her eyes. “I’m going to have a mutiny on my hands…” Suzie said, shaking her head. ~~~ Nanoha walked into the Collection - and was greeted by an unusual sight. At least a dozen different versions of herself. “What’s it like being the big Nanoha?” “How do you deal with so many Fate-chan’s around?” “Have you adopted yourself before?” “Do you feel funny when you transform too?” “How many sources of magic do you use?” Nanoha sighed. This happened far too often for her liking… ~~~ Eve smiled warmly as she wrapped up her speech. “...And we would be very happy to start forging a relationship with you, Catra, and the people of the Horde. It would be beneficial for all parties involved. You would get full access to the technology trade, aid, and multiversal knowledge if you accept this alliance with Merodi Universalis.” Catra - a humanoid woman with cat ears and heterochomatic eyes - clearly wasn’t sold. Her two friends on the other hand… “You are, like, the most adorable and menacing thing I have ever seen,” Scorpia said, twitching her scorpion tail. “We’ve gotta see more of these ponies Catra!” “The technology in these ear devices is in-cre-he-hedible!” Entrapta, the purple-haired technology princess, squealed. “I can’t even begin to imagine the feats of engineering of the pickup alone, not to mention the cranial interface! And interdimensional technology - Catra, we have to do this, I need to get more samples!” Eve smiled - gingerly pushing the excited woman away. “Well, Catra, your friends seem to be eager. What can I do to change your mind?” “Why?” Catra asked. “Why choose us? Why not go to Brightmoon?” She tapped her claws on the metallic wall behind her. “I’ve listened to you long enough to know what you’re like. You’re all about ‘friendship’ and ‘harmony’ and ‘helping everyone’. The rest of Etheria calls us the Evil Horde.” She approached Eve with an uncertain glare. “We’re everything you stand against. You have no reason to be offering us anything.” “You’d be surprised,” Eve said, smiling softly. “Then explain. And not in the way Entrapta does, explain it simply.” “Allying ourselves with you and furthering your goals to conquer Etheria while applying political pressure to change your society results in the least suffering of all the options we’ve considered,” Eve stated simply. “...What?” “We call it the ‘befriend the evil empire’ approach.” Eve was taking a risk using ‘evil’, but from what she’d seen on this world and of Catra, she was pretty sure it was the right word in this case. “We make ourselves a boon to the Horde, allowing them to complete their goals on, in this case, a single planet. We provide technology that gives you an undeniable edge in your conquest, but also lowers the death toll of your war considerably. You’ll find that the weapons we provide are mostly non-lethal, but also able to completely ignore even the strongest magics. We can also easily ‘hack’ into the planet’s thaumosphere-” At this comment Entrapta squealed in delight. “-and basically hand it over to you with minimal damage. We’d, of course, require that you improve your standard of living and rights within your borders to receive this aid, but I don’t think you’d have any issue making life in the Fright Zone easier on the people here, now would you?” Catra’s steeled glare softened slightly. “You’re playing the long game.” Eve shrugged. “It might actually take less time than siding with a rebellion and overthrowing the Horde’s government.” “Okay. I’m considering it.” She leaned against the wall. “So, what’s the catch you haven’t bothered to tell me about yet on the path to becoming oh-so-prestigious allies of Merodi Universalis?” “Not so much a catch as something I think you’ll enjoy.” Eve smirked knowingly. “Lord Hordak isn’t willing to compromise any of his… questionable principles. So you’re going to have to overthrow him.” Scorpia and Catra stared at Eve in shock. Entrapta didn’t react. Eve pointed at Catra with a wing. “And you’re going to take his place as supreme commander of the Horde, with the full backing of Merodi Universalis.” Catra didn’t respond for a few seconds - Eve could almost hear the gears turning in the back of her head. Then, slowly, a smirk came to her face, one of her feline fangs poking out ever-so-slightly. Her body began to rock with a light chuckle that became deep laughter, ending up in a strange cackling-meowing combination. She clasped Eve’s hoof in her claws. “You have yourself a deal, Evening Sparkle.” “Glad to hear it!” ~~~ Deep Thought came across another question that it couldn’t come up with an answer to. Why was it Chimicherries and not Cherrychangas? ~~~ The Them were, as usual, bored, and nobody seemed inclined to try to alleviate it. This seemed, to Them, unfair. One Them turned to another. “Care to make a wager on when the Koryfonic Empire is going to pull their heads out of their collective asses and notice they’re not the only ones in existence?” If they had possessed the apparatus to do so, the other Them would have given a snort of disgust. “That’s a sucker’s bet,” they huffed. “Some three thousand years, and all they’ve noticed is their multiverse is getting bigger; they can’t even agree on whether they’ve got new universes or not! What makes you think anything’s going to have changed?” The first would have shrugged, had it shoulders to shrug with. “Have it your way, then. See if I care. Or anyone else, for that matter.” ~~~ “Change your mi-i-i-i-i-i-ind~.” The immense holographic television screen cut to credits, and subsequently powered down because there was no more video feed to play. The only remaining sounds in the viewing room were two different sets of sobs. One deep and wrought with impossible emotions, the other full of tentative tears marred with confusion. Blue and Yellow Diamond were unable to bring themselves together for a full twenty minutes - how much of this was the fault of Blue’s emotive power was unknown, and Yellow didn’t particularly care to find out. All in all it was a normal reaction to binge-watching Steven Universe, even for people who weren’t in it. Eventually, Blue was able to speak - laughing through her tears. “That was beautiful! That was… oh - Pink! Or… Steven… I don’t care, I want to see h- him.” She put her hands to her chest. “There’s something of her left… but…” She leaned on Yellow. “I… Yellow, I don’t know what to…” Yellow wiped her eyes. “I have no clue either. Don’t look at me!” Blue pulled her co-ruler into a hug. “...That’s okay. We can not know together.” Yellow’s conflicted expression was replaced with one of ‘oh great not this again’. She let Blue have the hug though - which took up another five minutes of cry-laughing. “What do we do now?” Blue asked. “We… We can go to Earth, see them. But we didn’t experience the same things they did… They may still hate us… But I’m sure Pi-Steven will accept us. Garnet can… If she’s willing…” “We have to tell White.” “Oh of course w-” Blue froze. “...Oh… Oh…” “My thoughts exactly.” “But she - in there - off color! And… Oh she’s not going to like this…” Yellow nodded slowly. “Can we just… not?” “I doubt it. This show is public knowledge on Earth Vintaru Miggins. No I don’t know what the name means, don’t ask.” “But she’ll…” Yellow put her hands on Blue’s shoulders. “She can’t go kill them, the Divisions won’t allow that. But we still need to tell her - to make it… ‘easy’.” Blue sniffed, clearly thinking the word ‘easy’ was a bad descriptor in this case. “Sooner is better than later.” Blue broke down into tears again. Yellow had to wipe her own eyes. “...As soon as… we’re done with this… afterward, we can go see Pin- Steven.” Blue laughed in the middle of her cry, but was otherwise unresponsive. Yellow resigned herself to her fate. ~~~ A jacketed man sat at a computer desk, typing something with bursts of activity between periods of stillness and giggling. He had an uncharacteristically long period of stillness. Then he stood up, stared at some random point on the roof with his hands clasped behind his back, and smirked. “Songs of the Spheres,” he intoned. “Songs of the Spheres. Songs of the Spheres. Songs of the Spheres.” He paused, tilted his head, and continued grinning. “Songs of the Spheres.” He couldn’t help himself-- he began giggling at a joke only he knew, and managed to say “Songs of the Spheres” one more time before losing himself in the giggling. Once he was done with that, he turned around and sat back down in his chair, still grinning. “I am a cruel bastard,” he told no-one, before resuming his typing. ~~~ There is a number of group activities in the League, some of which were not too well thought through… like say a potluck. One day, six of them were at one, with varying degrees of success in cooking “So, what exactly is this….” Servitude said, poking at a pot with various cyan tentacles and a couple of eyes sticking out. “Well…it was supposed to be spaghetti, but something went wrong on the way,” Cerulian replied. “Speaking of that, what’s that? Cake?”, she exclaimed, pointing at a tower of dough. “It was supposed to be fruit punch. I just don’t know what went wrong,” Swinnerette answered. “This seems safe enough to eat though,” Nord said, looking at a tasty looking pile of pastries, before levitating one over to eat. She bit down, and immediately began spitting fire, sending Swissaliss ducking for cover behind her chair. Cerulian, completely nonplussed, walked over for a bucket of water and poured its contents over Nord. “Sorry. I just prefer them that way,” Mitochondria said, apologetically. Swinerette, to her credit, shrugged, grabbed a pastry, and ate it without any other complications. “You can eat that?” Swissaliss exclaimed “What? Filled with capsaicin? Yes. They’re pretty good actually” Swinerette said back. “What have you brought for this?” “I brought this,” Swinerette said, pointing to an ignored bowl with a sickly green glow. “I set out to make a salad, but as you can see…it didn’t really work all that well.” Servitude looked for a brief moment at the bowl, and then to her own “roast” which looked remarkably a lot like apple juice and then back to the bowl. Her look of disapproval said it all. “So, pizza from the shop down the street?” Swissaliss said, looking to the other Sweeties, then to the table and then back to them. “Pizza. Everything is better than our cooking,” Servitude answered back. ~~~ Guide to Librarians The Multiverse is home to many horrors. Dream eaters, soul stealers, and unimaginable mind melters to name a small few. But none are more widespread, more well known, or more well-documented than the phenomenon known as the Librarian. Humble in nature, a noble profession, unassuming. In countless cases it would seem that they’re simply mortals who desire to help spread and preserve knowledge. So why is it then that there is a common conception of them as all-powerful beings that command your respect? Why is it that the firefighters or comedians or convenience store clerks don’t follow a similar trend? Why is it that librarians, of all professions, happen to be known contradictorily as both quiet and friendly, while also being intimidating and eldritch? While I have yet to find those answers, I have documented the different breeds of Librarian. Please note that this is growing and changing list as I continue documentation, and if you wish to provide information or corrections, please contact my editor. All Librarian breeds have their own powers and things to look out for. Metro Librarians “Among the concrete jungle, spray paint dries along the archives” Inner-city librarians, otherwise known as ‘Metro,’ are often regarded as some of the most powerful types of librarians. The reason for this is unclear; perhaps power is based on the number of people within their realms of influence. But what’s known for certain is that the sky scrapers will not save you from their ever-watchful eyes. Metro Librarians often have the largest libraries under their control, and as such they can observe far further, often into reaches outside the city itself. They’re capable of slithering underneath the concrete and linoleum, appearing through the reflection of glass, and forming out of exposed steel beams in construction sites. Their mastery of 4th, 5th, and 6th dimensional travel is unmatched. But more so than anything else, what makes them truly terrifying is their manipulation of the city itself. Refracting light and shaping the buildings around them is par for the course. One street light becomes two, becomes four, becomes an unholy abomination of twisting metal and blinking lights that can now stalk you like a spider hungry for a fly. While no one has lived to see their true power and lived to tell the tale, different accounts of unmodified areas of rubble and debris with their magical signature have been found scattered in rare places of the multiverse. *Do not spray paint their walls, you will never be found. National Librarians “United we are strong, under legislature we find solace” National librarians are generally considered the weakest of all upper level librarians, possessing the least individual power and strength. But what they lack in individual strength, they make up for together. Each forms part of a large collective hivemind that they use to communicate new ideas and thoughts together. If you ever chose to fight a librarian, which I would not recommend to begin with, your best bet would be this breed. They lack speed, mobility and dexterity. One-on-one you may even stand a chance. However, they can contact the rest of their ‘nation’ faster than lightning can strike. And you will have to run far away to have a hope of escaping them. It’s unknown how many are in each nation, the number often varies, but it’s been known to be no lower than several thousand. Late fees are often inescapable. Hundreds of universes apart you will be hunted and lose your mind. No one has ever been able to find a way to contact their hivemind, but if you ever do, I pray you’re prepared, I can barely imagine what their mental connection would look like. And my nightmares shudder at the thought. Town Librarians “Where things move slower, and strangers are unwelcome” Rural librarians, often referred to as ‘town’ librarians, are almost always the sole figure of authority within their town limits. They are the true form of singularity. To you or me they may hold little power, losing any and all ability at an invisible line along the welcome sign to the side of the road. But to the locals within their domain, there is no hope of escape. They can erase memories, alter perceptions of others, and seed themselves into the minds of any of their ‘children’. Due to the varied and isolated nature of their libraries, the full extent of their abilities is unknown. But they hold the title for most versatile of all librarians. They have mastery of all events, people, thoughts, time, physics, and above all existence itself for their realms. If they were somehow able to escape the confines of their town borders, a single one could remake literally everything, including our own memories. Thankfully they frighten even the most ambitious of universe destroyers, so that fate may never come to pass. If you find yourself in one of their towns, pray you never upset them. ~~~ Evening Sparkle had been staring at her office for twenty solid minutes. Or rather, she had been staring at what little remained of her office for twenty solid minutes. Everything was gone. All her photographs on the walls, all the different memorabilia from her different adventures, all the books gifted to her by friends and associates, even her desk and chairs, just gone. She’d only been gone for an hour to get coffee. “Cessera?” Eve called, flagging down her assistant. “Did… did anyone come by while I was out?” “A few representatives from Galaxa Immaterium, ma’am.” Cessera said. “One of the Space Marine chapters, the…” She checked her tablet for the referenced information. “Blood Ravens, I think?” Eve’s eyes nearly bolted from her skull. “They were very nice, I don’t see why they have such a bad reputa-” The Gem then took notice of Eve’s decidedly vacant office. “... I’ll retract that statement.” Eve sighed and rubbed a hoof against her head. “Let’s just… order replacements for all the things they took.” She grumbled. “And maybe warn the other Overheads about…” She stopped as her phone started vibrating. She sighed and brought the device to her ear, turning them on. “Hello? … Yes, Renee, I know, it happened to me too.” ~~~ “So… Let me see if I’ve got all of this straight.” Alushy said. “The vampires of this world are all a bunch of political and power-seeking recluses who spent most of the time either kissing the bigger vampire’s pasty white asses or looking for the right spot on said ass to shove a knife and get power for themselves, all while making sure the clueless as hell humans don’t know a thing?” She raised the straw stuck inside the opening of a blood bag, and sipped it like a child drinking a juice box. “I’m gonna come out and say this, Beckett, this vampire society is weird, but you guys handle yourselves better than back home.” The person sitting opposite Alushy in the closed coffee shop booth, a grey-skinned man with sharp ivory fangs, a messy mane of hair, and the darkest red bestial eyes behind horn-rimmed glasses, smirked. “We prefer the term ‘Kindred’, but I won’t disagree that our ways might be unconventional to yours.” He said. “Then again, an anomaly like yourself is unusual in our eyes as well. I’m pleased that you decided to at least make this recent meeting easier on us instead of all those other instances.” “Not my fault that pasty red-suit Morpheus got a little too handsy with me!” Alushy playfully snipped. “Besides, he’s got his arm back. And all the blood he lost.” Beckett raised an eyebrow and curled his lip. “... And I paid for his suit getting tailored. And here I thought vampires only sucked blood, not money from wallets!” Beckett chuckled and raised a mug filled with the finest ichor. “You always know how to keep things just interesting enough, Alushy.” He said. “To old friends.” Alushy made her own toast, squishing her blood bag against Beckett’s mug with a gross squelch. “To good times!” Alushy replied. “And to the future alliance between the Merodi and the World of Darkness.” Beckett concluded, drawing his mug to his lips while Alushy resumed her sipping. “You were right, buddy, this PhD’s donation is the shi-” ~~~ A random hallway in a military base was silent. And then Jack O'Neill came tearing down the narrow corridor, riding on a Hover SHIV. “Base security personnel, please assist Tech Sergeant Rose and Sergeant Schnee in apprehending the base visitor riding the rogue SHIV. Also, do keep in mind that under no circumstances are any personnel who arrive at the armory requesting a SHIV to help apprehend the guest are to be allowed access whatsoever.” “No fair, how come only the guest got to do that? We’ve been working at XCOM for years, we never get a chance. He only had to steal the thing to do so.” “That’s one of life’s biggest mysteries, truly it is, Grif.” Jack O’Neill came racing down the corridor on the SHIV, followed by a horde of security personnel lead by two operatives. “Hey Simmons, we haven’t done morning PT yet, have we?” “And that would matter why?” “If we give chase, we can probably file an exemption due to strenuous activity, right?” “Yeah, lets go.” Later, two people in light powered armor were running down the hallway, gradually gaining on a hovering mini-tank that held a person who was frantically trying to hit them with a dull sword, and failing. As they went though, it became exceedingly clear that they weren’t trying very hard to claim the remote pad in O’Neill’s free hand, and that it was a diversion that was working extremely well. As the SHIV approached a junction, a line was thrown across its path, destabilizing the SHIV and sending it and its passenger onto the floor. An innocent sheet of metal with a touchscreen on it slid on the floor until it was caught by a foot, and retrieved by base personnel. “Its over, O’Neill. We’ve got your remote, how do you plan on using the SHIV now?” “Are you sure about that?” said O’Neill, as he held up a metal sheet. “After all, looks can be deceiving.” The Shiv zipped off, as the remote in their hand turned into a metal sheet. “We’re going to need the rest of the team for this. Might also want extra backup.” “Might as well do this then. Oh Great Commandy One, The Man With the Plan, and Master Commander! I, Ruby Rose, the officer of Strike 8, do call upon your powers of badassery to make This STOP!” The scene faded away as the Reaper awoke. “That was weird,” Burgerbelle said. “Almost like it sorta-kinda wasn't supposed to happen…” “Don’t think too hard about it,” Mattie said. “WHY ARE YOU HERE!?” the Reaper asked. The two of them shrugged. ~~~ Even with hard proof of the existence of something, there are people that can and will deny things… or they make a religion out of it The temple was situated underground, in the basement of a ruined tower. The natural light that fell in made an image on the wall of a ruin onto a painting of burning roses. Long lines of people in dark robes stood silent as a pony dressed in burnt roses entered, holding a seemingly innocuous electronic tablet. ”See brothers, we have obtained the means for us to test which of us are pure of the taint of ka!” “All praise to the Free Will.” they replied in unison “We will see who are worthy to ascend and which of us are tainted!” “Praise be.” The pony activated the tablet, and it immediately returned the favor with the reading “HIGH LEVELS OF KA PRESENT. CAMERA FOCUSING ON USER”, complete with a helpful little voice message. “Fuck.” ~~~ “Do you even know how many Sweeties are in the League?” M4 asked Allure. Allure blinked. “Not… off the top of my head.” She pressed a button on her desk. “Uh, computer, how many Sweeties are in the League of Sweetie Belles?” “Overall members: 31,433. As few as 31,319 are definitely Sweetie Belle variants.” “You’re not even sure if all of you are Sweeties?” M4 asked, raising an eyebrow. “Well I know some of those are honorary. Minna and Mattie, for instance,” Allure said, twirling a hoof. “And then there are a few odd fusion cases and stuff like that.” “The fact remains. You don’t know.” M4 grinned. “You need to carry out a census.” “I am not subjecting our adorable white fluff to bureaucracy.” “But you must!” “Nuh-uh.” “For science!” “You keep your censuses to the Census, and we’ll keep our… Uh… lack of censuses here.” “That was weak.” Allure shrugged. “Eh, I’m not a tryhard, unlike some purple ponies.” M4 narrowed her eyes. “Well played…” ~~~ Starbeat found herself wandering my library, coming across a piece of old parchment by chance. At first she thought it was a page from one of my journals, but after reading a bit she eventually discovered it was one of my old companion’s. It’s been three days and still no luck. I’m not entirely sure what we hope to get out of these peace accords when neither nation was really at war to begin with, but that’s what it means to be the diplomat of the Void’s Defenders. In retrospect there are worse things I could be, I could be working back at the Recursive Organization as a nervous wreck. I’m never not happy to be who or where I am. I’m just stressed from the accords. Why do Class 3’s have to fight anyway? There’s so much more they could do if they banded together. I wonder how Vriska and Mite are handling the spy leak. They’ve been missing since the first day, but I have confidence that they’ll resolve the situation. Maybe if things progress into a week I can finally change my name to be based on how difficult diplomacy is. Would Mediation fit me? No, I don’t like that one. Another to add to the pile I suppose. If Vriska doesn’t smash through the window tomorrow, beating up a spy, I’m probably going to just roll around on the floor until everyone agrees to get along. Who can fight when a fully-grown woman is acting like a seven year old? Starbeat put the note back, a small smile on her face. ~~~ Nanoha’s job was sometimes unimaginably difficult. It was even worse when Them were involved. “Can’t I just buy the universe off you?” she pleaded. “Nah,” the Them responded. “Money is pointless.” “What do you want? I’ll get you anything if you’ll stop tormenting these people! They don’t deserve to… to… live in hell! Literal hell!” “Well, to start, you can keep making those exceptionally amusing expressions. They are rather priceless.” “I… But…” a lightbulb went off in her head. “Was the entire point of this universe to get me to lose it on you!?” “Yes!” Nanoha twitched. Then she turned and left without another word. “...Darnit, shouldn't have made that obvious.” ~~~ “...You want me to watch what?” White Diamond asked, raising an eyebrow. “It’s a show called Steven Universe,” Blue Diamond said. “It’s… our source material. It’s a beautiful story.” “Which of our conquests is it about?” White asked. “...Earth,” Yellow said. White narrowed her eyes. “Something tells me I’m not interested.” “You really should watch it,” Blue insisted. “It… reveals a lot about what happened there. What happened to… Pink.” “Yes. It does answer a lot of unanswered questions,” Yellow asserted. “Then just tell me the answers,” White said. “I have better things to do than watch some entertainment program that may or may not be responsible for our empire.” “You really should watch it,” Blue insisted. “Blue, Blue, you were always the emotional one. I don’t need the experience, I’m me, I can understand without seeing it.” “You wouldn’t like some of the things it said,” Yellow huffed. White glared at Yellow - irked at her implied disobedience. “Like what?” “About you.” White leaned in, smiling softly. “Yellow, there’s nothing I could see about myself that I-” Yellow took advantage of White’s proximity and slapped an information upload matrix directly to the gemstone in White’s forehead. Before she could do anything, Yellow’s Diamond Security codes got her past White’s filters and had uploaded the entire show into her surface memories. Blue gasped. “Y-yellow!” “What? She wasn’t going to do it, we needed to take action.” “You had to have prepared that!” “So I looked ahead a bit, it’s a sign of a good tactician.” White’s nails dug into Yellow’s collar in rage, showing the militaristic Gem just how terrifying White Diamond’s face could be when she wanted it to be. The rage quickly dissipated, replaced by a distant expression that looked so far into space her eyes appeared to move to opposite sides of her head. “I’m not!” She shouted at nothing, then she clenched her fists, and then she realized that by clenching her fists in rage she was only confirming the show’s depiction of her emotions. Her flaws. Then, as if by magic, her usual calm, serene expression returned, marred only slightly by a miniscule twitch in her left eye. “Yellow…” “Yeah?” Yellow said without a hint of fear. Blue on the other hand was trembling behind the warrior Gem, ready to bolt at a moment’s notice. “You really shouldn’t have done that.” “You’ll thank me later,” Yellow asserted. White’s smirk rose and fell within the space of a second. “I…” She closed her eyes and forced herself to talk. “I am not what is on that show.” Yellow raised an incredulous eyebrow. White turned to Blue. “Do you share her sentiment?” “I… well… it seemed right at the time…” White’s expression clouded over. The only sound was the gentle hum of crystal energy in the walls of White Diamond’s palace. “We’re going to Earth,” White said, abruptly. “You know which one.” “Now!?” Blue asked. “Now.” ~~~ The Librarian nodded amiably to the small purple unicorn as she passed him; he was seeing a lot more of them in L-Space these days, and they in turn had become used to the sight of the elderly orangutan knuckling his way between the shelves, a volume or three tucked under one arm. For her part, she barely acknowledged him, intent on reading a sheet of paper floating in front of her as a stack of books trailed through the air behind. Aside from these trips into L-Space, the Librarian of the Unseen University rarely left his domain these days; there was plenty to keep up with just within his own space, never mind all the changes in the city. The sudden abundance of non-hostile unicorns was just a small part of it; there was pressure from outside to install an “inter net” console in the University, never mind what effect the high ambient magic might have on it, or vice versa. And, of course, the books: not too many of the new arrivals were intensely magical, much to his relief, but the content of them was frequently worrying, even in comparison, and more and more non-librarians seemed to be getting access to L-Space, too. Such as the human sitting several shelves above him, her nose buried in what appeared to be a novel as she floated in midair. Beneath a pink-and-blue-striped scarf, she wore the robes of a Skaian, but in shades of red, to his surprise; most of the Skaians the Librarian found wandering the back corridors of the multiverse wore the orange and yellow of Heroes of Light, the dedicated seekers and hoarders of knowledge. “Ook?” he queried. “Oh!” She peered down past her book, startled, revealing a Skaian ghost’s blank eyes, eerily white from edge to edge behind her glasses. “Hi! Don’t mind me, I’m just browsing.” “Ook,” the Librarian pointed out, somehow fitting several sentences into that one syllable. “Yeah, there’s kind of a lot of us. Me. Whatever.” She closed her book, a finger marking her place. “And all of us like books, so I’m really not surprised.” “Ook?” “Well, I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition, either, yet here we are.” The Librarian made a hrmphing sound, and eyed the nearest stack; he was at the right location, but it was going to be a bit of a climb, and he wasn’t as nimble as he used to be. The ghost noticed his look, and, after a moment’s hesitation, replaced her finger with a slip of paper and drifted downwards a few shelves. “Would you like a hand?” ~~~ Olivia and Roxy sat in a dark, monitor-filled room, watching themselves watch themselves. Roxy rotated herself in her chair, staring confusedly in the direction of the invisible camera. “What’s it-?” “Oh, yeah,” Olivia waved a hand dismissively. “I said it might do that. I’m sure it’ll show something funny about us eventually.” Roxy frowned, inching closer to the screen and poking it forcefully. “Doesn’t seem funny. Just us watching something else.” Olivia blinked. “...yeah, that is weird. Maybe the punchline comes…?” Then something strange happened. The screen showed a portal appearing, followed by a green, markless filly stepping out of it. Before Olivia or Roxy could do anything, the pony had booped Olivia on the nose while saying “boop,” turning her into an identical filly wearing shrunken versions of her clothes. Then they both teamed up to boop Roxy, and three identical fillies quickly left the view of the camera. Roxy blinked. “What the…? Is this…?” Olivia’s skin prickled as she felt the tell-tale signs of a portal opening. “I think so,” she said dryly. Then the portal opened, and a green, markless filly stepped out of it… into the waiting finger of Olivia. She scrunched her nose, crossing her eyes to stare at the offending appendage. “What…?” “Boop!” Olivia told her. It took a second for the filly to react. When she did, she took a step away from Olivia, glaring angrily at her. “Hey, you can’t-!” Olivia leaned forward and interrupted her with another boop. “Don’t boop if you can’t be booped!” she advised. The filly stepped back again, snorting. “No, I’m supposed to be the booper!” the filly shouted adorably. “You’re supposed to be booped and then we go and-” “Boop!” Roxy interjected, with the appropriate motion. The filly glowered at the finger. “...fine! You win this time! But you can’t escape the boop forever!” She turned and stalked back through the portal, which collapsed behind her. Roxy snickered. “That was really cute,” she said. She looked over at Olivia, smirking lightly. “You don’t think she’ll really be back, do you?” Olivia shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not.” She waggled a finger threateningly. “But we’ll be ready.” Roxy grinned. “Cool!” She made herself comfortable in her chair again, watching as the screen showed them something new. “So… more clips?” “More clips,” Olivia agreed. ~~~ Corona looked up from her rarely-used office desk at the Research Division. Sitting on the other end was an adorable kid in a purple top hat, smiling innocently. “Can you explain why the rest of you organized a nude bicycle race?” The kid that was the Everyman shook her head adorably. “You sure you had nothing to do with it?” The kid fixed her with a look of ‘of course I had something to do with it, I’m the Everyman’. Corona pressed her fingers together and sighed. “Why don’t you… I don’t know, let me know when things like this are going to happen?” The kid shrugged - then started dancing for no good reason. “This is serious!” She kept dancing. “I can revoke your access to our records!” She kept dancing. Corona realized with annoyance that the Everyman was very good at searching through records, they needed this portion of the entity on their side. With a sigh, she sat back in her chair, accepting that she would just have to live without an explanation. Unless she wanted to force the empathy. Which was probably a bad idea. ~~~ “ROIGHT, so it all goes down loik dis. Me an’ da Boyz were on Kardus fer about, urr… free or four weeks now, an’ we was workin’ up our numbahz tah go an’ krump da fish-faces in da valley. We’z all sittin’ ‘bout da camp, Mekboyz workin’ on da gubbinz fer da foight an’ da rest of us iz sittin’ ‘round a foiah, et’in’ some good ole Squig cake dat Boggertz made fer us, when dis lil runt speaks up an’ says to me an’ da Boyz, now he says dis: “Oi ladz, I just did some finkin’, an’ just realoized dat da fish-faces iz all bloo under dat shiny canners o’ derz. If deyz iz bloo, shouldn’t dey be more lucky?” So I grabz ahold of da runt an’ tell him loik dis: “If dey iz lucky, den we wouldn’t be ‘ere to krump ‘em now, wouldn’t we?” So I smashed me meat hunk into his zoggin’ gob, an’ ‘it ‘im SO ‘ARD dat ‘is zoggin’ ‘ead flew roight off his shouldas and ended up crushin’ a grot who got in da way!” The entire room full of Orks burst into uproarious laughter, pounding on tables and shattering glasses of alcohol at the joke told by the Ork onstage. While he basked in the praise of such a brilliantly-told Ork joke, the table of three non-Orks in the back were less laughing and more… confused and slightly horrified. Vriska, Starbeat and Hastur glanced to one another, unsure of what to make of this outing. Vriska turned to Hastur and gave him a bit of a look. “Okay… Ork Comedy Club, not the best date outing,” she said. “Agreed,” Hastur said. Starbeat had little to comment, as she saw a fight break out between some Orks nearby. “Now, Boyz, have ya heard da one about da hoomie who troid tah fist fight a Boss with a blunt choppah?” ~~~ Three armored Rainbow Dash pegasi stand on a beach, eye level with the black and gold trimmed armored pegasus. A fourth Rainbow Dash pops out in front of the armored pony, launched out of a portal, wearing a HUD visor on her right eye. “Okay, it's time to do something about this. We all go by Rainboom, and that can't be, so I propose we add to our names, like I do at home,” she declares, first pointing to herself. “I'm Rainboom Prime, you can be Rainboom Vandal.” “That's a strange name for me. I'm a reploid, not a miscreant!” responds the blue armored Rainboom, in a synthetic voice. “You’re blue, and shiny, that’s Vandal colors.” Moving on, Rainboom Prime points to the pony in the carbon fiber textured space battle armor. “You can be Rainboom Wraith.” “Why Wraith? Isn't that your commander's name?” Rainboom Wraith responds. “She goes by Luna Wraith, and you're black with a red stripe. Wraith colors. And you, you can be Mutalist Rainboom.” The red changeling Rainboom is taken aback. “Why is mine the other way around? Shouldn't it be ‘Rainboom Mutalist?’ What is even a mutalist?” “It's how it works where I'm from.” “Well, it's dumb and too long.” “You got any better ideas?” “How about this,” interrupts the reploid Rainboom. “I'm Rainboom X, you,” pointing to the changeling, “are Rainboom Z, you,” pointing to the Prime, “can be Proto Rainboom, and you,” pointing to the spacer, “can be Rainboon 7.” “Rainboom 7?” “Rainboon 7.” “You just looked at my N7 badge, that sounds dumb too!” Proto Rainboom interrupts. “Well so does Proto Rainboom, I mean, really, that's-” “As dumb as Mutalist Rainboom!” Rainboom Z declares. “Why can't we go our separate ways and not change our names?” Rainboon 7 suggests. “You can't have the same name as every other Rainbow Dash in the multiverse!” Proto Rainboom exclaims. Rainboon 7 rolls her eyes. “It’s not like some pony is going to-” Suddenly, an armored pony, shaped like a court jester, launches out of the treeline into the air, riding a jet engined warhammer. Then, a Pinkie Pie launches out of the armored pony, aiming down at the Rainbooms. “ONE! STEVE! LIMIT!!!” she shouts with murder in her eyes, drawing a forehoof back as it glows blue. Three rainbow trails speed into the sky, followed by an exploding column of sand, visible over the treetops. Once the sand stops falling, the remaining Rainboom portals out of her armored pony again. “That was mean, Disco!” “Sorry, Umbra needs us for a mission here. Let's go, Rainboom Prime.” Disco smiles wide, before walking away. Rainboom Prime neighs in annoyance. ~~~ Olivia paused the playback as one of the displays caught her eye. “Hey, she’s online again,” she commented to Roxy, and smirked, bringing up a chat interface and opening a channel. “Watch this.” [----sugarskull is online!----] sugarskull: ¡Hola! inquisitiveButterfly is typing… “Is using that handle really a good idea?” Roxy queried. “It seems kind of obvious.” Olivia shook her head. “Nah. This is a super secure system, and she’s got no idea who I am; I checked.” iB: Oh. It’s you again. ss: How’s life down the rabbit hole, amiga? iB: No better for hearing from you. iB: haven’t you got better things to do than hassle me? ss: nope! “Why are you hassling her?” Roxy frowned. “Check out those ka readings!” Olivia waved at a window in the corner of the screen. “This chica’s got some kind of story going on around her, I just haven’t got a handle on it yet.” iB: well, I do. Kinda busy right now. ss: Aww, don’t be like that. You always got time to t [----inquisitiveButterfly has been disconnected!----] [----meddlerEternal has entered the conversation!----] meddlerEternal: You are requested to cease interfering. If interference continues, consequences will ensue. [----Connection has been terminated---] “...Wow. He’s never done that before.” The hacker sat back in her chair. “He’s never any fun, but this is something else.” “Who is he?” “No idea. Hangs around with Miss Butterfly, seems to be her sysadmin, types like he’s some kind of alien robot, but apart from that…?” Roxy grinned. “Sounds like you got yourself a challenge. Are you keeping an eye on them?” Olivia mirrored the grin with her own. “More like a hobby. And I keep an eye on everything.” ~~~ FROM THE PRODUCER OF BLASTO 3: INK ON THE STREETS A camera pans across a lush jungle landscape. The air is thick with the cries of all manner of life. COMES AN AMAZING TRUE STORY One sound drowns out all others, a roaring engine that hasn’t even heard of tune-ups, much less ever gotten one. The camera settles on a trio of enormous green brutes just in time to see one chop down a tree as thick as a man with a device that can only be described as a chainsaw-bladed axe. Like its wielder, it would seem absurd if it didn’t look so deadly. “How come we’s gotta go huntin’ for one li’l humie?” grunts the lumberjack. The largest creature clouts him—presumably a him, based on sheer bulk and bass voice—on the back of his head. “Cuz da boss said! And while we’re lookin’, I’s da boss, cuz I’s da biggest an’ da strongest! Now get back ta choppin’!” The third raises a hand. “‘Ang on. I hear sumfin.” He lumbers through undergrowth, boots tearing through with nary a care. He parts the branches of a nearby shrub and gives a smile that would make a dentist faint in horror. “‘Ello. Wut do we ‘ave ‘ere?” The camera reveals a little yellow pegasus, absurdly little given the size of the creatures before her. Her flak armor and lasgun seem equally inadequate. “Wot is it?” calls one of the other behemoths, their own trundling steps getting closer. “One o’ dem li’l horsies. We’s eatin’ like nobz tonight, boys!” The camera has stayed on the little pegasus this whole time, zooming in closer even as gargantuan shadows gather. It halts abruptly, almost making the viewer jerk forward with psychosomatic momentum. One eye snaps open. Followed shortly by the gates of Hell. “AAAAAAHHHHH!” screams the pegasus. “AAAAAAHHHHH!” scream the orks. “AAAAAAHHHHH!” screams the pegasus. “AAAArglbrglschlep” go the orks. “AAAAAAHHHHH!” screams the pegasus. There is an explosion. The camera moves to a wide shot to capture the small mushroom cloud and the shockwave that passes through the jungles of Catachan. It lingers there, giving the audience a moment to appreciate the contrast between beauty and deva— “AAAAAAHHHHH!” screams the pegasus, flying directly towards the camera. SHY MARBO Coming soon to your local streaming service. ~~~ Celestia City. The symbol of Merodi harmony, and one that, while policed and guided effectively, also gets overrun with tourists every…week or so. Which is barely noticeable if you happen to live in one of the more quiet districts or quadrants such as Murphy or Waltzing Matilda, but if you live in Concordia or Harmony, may whatever god you pray to have mercy. Nord the Sweetie was happily walking along the paved streets of Harmony, admiring the spires and golden and purple roofs shining in the (artificial) sun. So engrossed in her thoughts that she didn’t notice the pair of humans, a man and a woman with a guidebook in their hands coming up to her “Excuse me miss, but do you know where the Crown Regalia are?” The man asked her “Sorry, Crown Regalia?” She replied, puzzled. She hadn’t heard about the Crown Regalia of Equestria being anywhere near Celestia City. “Yes. They are supposed to be here in this district somewhere” He said, holding up the book This City Wasn’t Here Yesterday - A guide to Celestia City. “Oh…Now I get it. You’re using that book. It’s pretty good for the basics, but unfortunately it’s actually a bit lacking.” “What do you mean? We were told it was the best available.” “It is all well and good for the things regarding infrastructure. Problem was, the author has never actually visited the city.” “Whaa- Never visited?” “Nope. I mean, you do have a MultiMap, right?” “Uhh. Yeah. Why?” they said, holding up the small white disc. “Could you give me that for a moment?” “Sure” Nord pulled out her toolset and communicator and began fiddling with their MultiMap. A bit of tinkering later, she handed it back, albeit in a new color. “Here you go. A guidebook in your MultiMap, courtesy of the League,” Nord said to them as they took their device back. “Hopefully you won’t get lost now.” ~~~ “Ambassador Valentine?” The man - at least, he appeared to be human, but his sudden arrival in something that in no way resembled any kind of ship suggested he probably wasn’t - was accompanied by a largish box, its sides apparently formed from forcefields, and its floor littered with what appeared to be small blue men wearing kilts. Some of them were snoring. “As representative of the United States of the Multiverse, you are formally requested to take custody of these... individuals.” His lip curled with distaste. “Said persons were apprehended within Gallifreyan space, and have been charged with the following offences: drunk and disorderly conduct, public inebriation, public brawling, inciting violence, assault, breach of the peace, attempted robbery, causing an affray, public nuisance, theft, offensive language, defacing public property, defacing private property, and sundry other offences.” Valentine surveyed the box of unconscious pictsies uneasily; he’d been warned of their reputation, and as far as he knew, there were very few drinks anywhere in the multiverse capable of getting Nac mac Feegle even properly drunk, let alone this. “What on Earth were they drinking?” The Gallifreyan gave him a Look that said this had better not happen again. “Pan Galactic Gargleblasters.” ~~~ Renee stared blankly at the wall clock in her Expeditions office. She was bored. With a dejected sigh, she picked up her phone and called Pinkie. “Pinkie, dear, think we could grab Twilence and go blow something up? It appears that I’m getting nostalgic about the action.” “CAN-DO!” ~~~ Aradia was cleaning Canterlot Castle. Specifically, she was attempting to clean the fairly expansive kitchen. She was having a very hard time with a set of stains from when a chef had tried to bake something with inter-dimensional ingredients for the visiting Primary Team. It had not gone well. After trying to use Time Shenanigans for the fifth time to clean one of the stains, she sighed and said, “This kitchen is so hard to clean. If only there was an easier way!” And immediately regretted it. With an unearthly thoom the fabric of space-time was ripped open a few feet from Aradia, and out stepped a human man. He was wearing a bright blue shirt with a button-up collar, a set of tan pants with a brown belt, and a very 'nice' hairstyle. He was smiling far too widely, grasping a perfectly clean silver pistol in his hands. “HI I’M DEREK BALM! Say goodbye to daily stains and dirty surfaces with new KITCHEN GUN!” He proceeded to hold up the now-dubbed Kitchen Gun. Aradia proceeded to panic. She tried to use time magic to go back and time and prevent this from ever happening, only to find time travel was disabled. Derek pointed his gun at one of the dirty surfaces - which happened to be the sink. “THIS SINK IS FILTHY! BUT WITH JUST THREE SHOTS FROM KITCHEN GUN…!“ BANG! BANG! BANG! The kitchen sink was suddenly clean, although it had three bullet holes in it. Another hole in the fabric of space-time opened and I quickly ran out, throwing Derek back through the portal, hoping that would take care of him. Unfortunately, he re-appeared without any fanfare, smiling like a madman. I moaned. "Ugh, I forgot he could do that..." "Where's Burgerbelle when you need her?" Aradia whined. "SAY GOODBYE TO DIRTY SURFACES WITH THE NEW KITCHEN GUN!" I encased him in a lavender magic bubble. It did nothing whatsoever to stop his monologue. Or, for that matter, the gun. "...Is he dangerous enough for me to kill?" Aradia asked as a bullet passed through her robe, rendering it sparkling clean. "I wish," I muttered, whimpering. "KITCHEN GUN!" "I'LL KITCHEN GUN YOU!" I shouted, flaring my wings. "I LOVE YOU KITCHEN GUN!" ~~~ “Balanced…” Thanos said, smirking. “As all things should be.” He was holding a chunk of the Collector’s armor in each of his hands. Lightning sighed. “Thanos…” Starbeat chuckled. “I like him when he’s like this.” Morty shrugged, indifferent. Starbeat cleared her throat. “Anyway, we’ve got to deal with the Starcross Society. They found out we’ve got some of their people…” Lightning flexed the Infinity Gauntlet. “Let’s invite them here for the talks…” ~~~ “John’s concern for my well being is touching, but he doesn’t understand. If I cannot trust my mind then I am useless.” Rohan Kishibe looked across at the man in the armchair, and raised an eyebrow. “So what do you want from me that your friend or a psychiatrist can’t do for you? I would have thought you were the type who is too proud to ask for assistance or admit weakness in anything, let alone literally let somebody see directly into his thoughts.” Sherlock Holmes snorted dismissively. “You know as well as I do that I couldn’t keep you out if you wanted to see anything. And you should be perfectly capable of working out what I want. After all, you created the problem yourself.” He leaned forward in his chair, and fixed his visitor with a glare. “Mr Kishibe. You wrote this in my head. Its purpose has been served. Now I want it out. Fix this.” ~~~ Sombra paused. “Wait, I thought I had us set to areas around the present, that one happened years ago…” Roxy shrugged, not particularly caring about the time discrepancy. Sombra checked some settings. “Yeah… that should have been in the first clipshow I did!” “Shut up and keep watching.” ~~~ Renee was having a sip of tea whilst going over paperwork regarding new recruits for Expeditions. Some humans from Galaxa Immaterium were certainly eager to get out and see new things, though considering how bad their life was in that abhorrent reality, it shouldn’t be surprising. Her thoughts were broken by one of her windows being abruptly shattered, as a man fell through wearing military fatigues, a crew-cut hairstyle, and the most deranged eyes she had seen in… the past few weeks. He seemed ultimately undamaged by the intrusion, removed a knife from the ground, regarded Renee with a small nod, then jumped back out the window, letting off a loud yet manly scream. Renee blinked repeatedly, yet the surprise still remained, as well as the shattered glass on her office floor. She pressed a hoof to the intercom on her desk and issued a call. “Hello, Dolores? This is Overhead Renee Jackson. Private Sly Marbo broke my office window again.” ~~~ I started laughing uncontrollably. This was odd to everyone around me, since we were in a graveyard filled entirely with different versions of Twilight Sparkle, but I couldn’t help myself. “Twilence…?” Eve asked, cocking her head. “I just…” I forced myself to stop laughing - though the snickers kept getting through. “G. M. Blackjack is having a panic.” “...Panic? About what?” “Oh, well, from his chronological point of view, ‘season nine’ of My Little Pony is just now coming out, and his practice of ‘retconning’ the story to match up with what he sees in the show is looking like it might finally fall apart.” “Is this… bad?” “Oh, no, just amusing. See, we are in the final version of whatever the story is, we don’t have to worry about the background getting rewritten. We already know if ‘season nine’ made it in or not.” “Well yeah, I watched it, a-” “Shhhh…” I put a hoof on her mouth and giggled. “It’s better if they have no idea.” “...Wait, if he’s writing it, and wondering if he can…” “Oh here we go…” “How in the - wait, he’s the Prophet writing about characters who know something he doesn’t?!” “Yep!” “How by the Tower’s bricks does that work!?” “Trade secret.” “TWILENCE!” ~~~ Jade barked. Capper hissed. Jade barked harder. Capper hissed more intensely. Allure checked the clock. “Five minutes? Geez…” “The power of cat and dog is strong,” Minna observed. “Well, obviously, but this is ridiculous!” “You owe me five bits,” Capper said suddenly, chuckling. Jade bristled. “Allure, I thought you were smarter than that…” Allure blinked. “...What?” “All part of the plan…” Minna said with a giggle. “...What?” ~~~ The portal opened to the prow of a ship. True to form, Nova barely glanced at the scenery before looking at her fetlock. “Huh. This area is showing signs of... The closest thing I can compare it to is scar tissue. Something big happened to this area of the multiverse less than a century ago local time, and…” Vriska tuned her out. The gentle rocking of the boat, the islands in the distance, the salt in the air… With the sky painted gold by an impending sunrise, she could almost imagine lines and compass roses in the sky. Almost smell Cetus's blood. A blaring alert jerked her out of her musing. “Aaaand we've got a one-way block on multiversal travel,” Nova sighed and looked back at where the portal had been but a moment ago. “Leaving, obviously. Get comfortable, everyone. It’ll take a bit for me to analyze it and find a way to bypass it.” Vriska felt a hoof on her hip. “Are you alright?” Flutterfree asked. Only then did Vriska realize she was digging her nails into her palms, almost to the point of drawing blood. “Fine. Just...” She shrugged. “Nostalgic.” Jotaro cleared his throat. Once everyone looked to him, he pointed towards the rest of the boat. They turned and saw a woman dressed in full pirate captain regalia. Judging by her crossed arms, her narrowed eyes, and the way the scaly, shoulder-length tentacles coming out of her head were writhing about, she wasn't happy to see them. “I'd ask what you're doing on my ship,” she said, ‘but I find I don't particularly care. Also, I don’t need to.” After a moment of silence, she frowned. “Jace?” Flutterfree hummed to herself. A patch of air next to them shimmered and resolved into a male human in blue breeches, whose reaction to getting revealed by Lolo was priceless. “Sorry, Captain. I tried to read the pink one, and... Well, the good news is that I remember what diabetic shock is now, and I learned it can apply to telepathy.” Pinkie just giggled at that. “Well then.” The captain's eyes began to glow. “I suppose we’ll do this the old-fashioned way. Tell me how you got on this ship and who you’re working for, or we'll be putting some exotic statuary in the hold.” Vriska smiled and stepped forward. “You know, I think there’s something traditional people say at times like these.” The captain raised an eyebrow as the glow intensified. “Yes. They answer the gorgon’s questions.” “Not quite what I meant.” Vriska threw her dice. The captain unleashed her spell, turning the first thing in her line of sight into stone. Or it would have, if fluorite weren’t already a stone. Several monkey-like creatures fell from where they clung to the ship’s rigging, slipped on poorly swabbed planks, or got struck by lightning on a clear day, because goblins are luck sinks no matter what they look like. And once the dice landed, a newly-garbed troll pointed her cutlass at the captain. Grinning, Vriska said to Vraska, “I was thinking ‘One of us has to change.’” ~~~ Jenny’s Everywhere Journal Mysterious Hexagon Library, Day 17, room eight. More books filled with utter gibberish. Horizon still insisted on running her translation spell over each and every page of every single one. She thought she found some actual words at one point, but it turned out to be more nonsense, most of it wasn’t even spelled right. I’m sure there’s somebody else living here, there’s stuff they left behind in every room. I hope it’s not more Twilights, one at a time is plenty. Day 17, later. I just opened a random book and found “honisli jus waitng for hori t get board”. I stuffed it back on a shelf she’s already checked. I hope she doesn’t notice it. ~~~ “Tonight on THE BEST GAME SHOW EVER,” a Them shouted. “Which is better? The Collection? Or the United State of the Multiverse?” Valentine and Lightning realized they were standing in opposition to each other on a game show podium. Lightning tried her Infinity Gauntlet, but of course it didn’t work. “As everyone knows, there is only one category: WHO HAS THE COOLEST ONE-LINER! GO!” Valentine and Lightning said nothing. “And there you have it folks, they both suck! Tune in next time while we try to figure out where all the facts have gone!” ~~~ Guide to Librarians Museum Librarians “Look back on your culture, look forward to your history” Often known as Curators, they are upstanding, pleasant people that are a cut above the rest of the filth that call themselves ‘librarians’, and I’m humbled that I get to write and learn about them. Museum librarians are friends to all the knowledge collectors. Historians, archaeologists, cultural analogists, documenters, all are happy to know the Museum Librarian. They are unique in that there is nothing wrong with them, they aren’t eldritch and quite frankly don’t belong on this list, but I felt compelled to inform you all that there is nothing wrong with them, and in fact they’re the sole elite librarian out of any of them. So be sure to visit your local museum and read about history, it’ll be a fun experience for you and educational as well. *If you touch any of the exhibits you’ll come to an unfortunate accident. Chapters Librarians ”Pick up a gift card, the holiday season is perfect for a book” The bookstore clerks and employees are among countless part-time workers that enjoyed reading and did not know the horrors of the bookstore. While smaller owned bookstores are certainly capable of the same levels of terrors, it truly comes to full power in the biggest chain stores. The most mysterious of the librarians lurk the aisles and stacks of literature. Masters of commerce and micromanaging, the Chapters Librarian is often known more as the spirit of the store itself. Beware walking into their doors unless you like unreachable pocket dimensions. Time within the bookstore is completely at the discretion of this breed of librarian. You can be lost indefinitely, lose your mind to centuries of isolation, only to be found not two minutes after you initially disappeared. It’s unclear how the different books, games, and toys get priced, as there is no actual person running these stores, but one thing is abundantly clear, if you so much as crease a page of a book you do not intend to buy, you will find your life story ripped painfully from your mind and sold for 29.99 local currency. University Librarians “Errare humanum est, ignoscere bibliothecarii” The very definition of a library is a place of knowledge, so it would stand to reason that a University Librarian would be the holder of all accumulated knowledge. They are powerful seers who can not only predict the future, but even change it to be what they desire. It’s theorized that every person that dies in post-secondary education at any point was killed by the University Librarian for a slight they had yet to commit. While it has yet to be proven, it’s generally accepted as truth among the few of us that document librarians. If you ever sign your name into their logbook, you’re signing your soul away to them indefinitely. It isn’t a curse that can be removed, it isn’t a bond that can be unsealed, it simply is that you will never be free of their influence. A trick of their breed is to never appear to you, this is to make you believe that any and all problems that may occur are in some way your own fault. This simply isn’t the case. They hold absolute power in their libraries, and anything that happens is most assuredly part of their grand design. ~~~ THE SCIENCE SHOW with CORONA SHIMMER! “Today we’re testing how the primary team of Merodi Universalis deals with pressure!” “What?” Nova asked, cocking her head. “Why are w-” “Shhh, we need to do science,” Corona said, putting a finger to Nova’s lips. “So, hold still, you’re all about to be compressed by two industrial-strength steam-press hands!” “WHAT-” The hands fell from the ceiling, smashing into all five of them. Nova and Flutterfree were flattened harmlessly like pancakes, Jotaro busted the press with Star Platinum, and Vriska’s press randomly failed to activate. Pinkie had swapped places with Corona and gotten her flattened like a pancake. “This has been the SCIENCE SHOW with PINKIE PIE!” Pinkie declared, grinning. ~~~ The Xeelee had called a meeting of the Seats. A single Xeelee showed up. None of the others appeared. >>...Well, time to simulate a meeting all on my own. ~~~ Skaia’s Dream had a problem. Scratch that, it had SEVERAL problems, one was just significantly bigger than all the others. Everyone was dead. Which, unfortunately, meant… “Why do we have to listen to you!?” a Karkat shouted. Meenah facepalmed. “Because I have the good stuff. You want out o’ this bubble, you go through me.” “Or me!” Feferi added, waving her hand. “Yes, fine, or her, if you want a flounder to get you out.” “I can just portal out myself!” one of the Space player shouted. “And you’ll vanish because ghosts can’t exist elsewhere,” Meenah said, folding her arms. “Look, idiots, just get it in your head - refuse to listen, you’re stuck. Follow the rules, you’re free.” “That’s a load of shit!” the Karkat shouted. “I’m not glubbin happy about it either! You think I’m actually in charge here!? I’m just a universe head! Those stupid Overheads are breathing down my neck to keep all you ‘fronds’ from tearing this realm of dreams to shreds!” “We can do that?” “Yes y- HEY! NO GETTING ANY IDEAS!” It was too late. The Space players were already trying it. As it turned out Skaia’s Dream had a stronger dimensional fabric than that. Unfortunately this did mean the entire crowd was sent to random locations within the bubbly dream, calling the ‘organized’ meeting to an end. Meenah facepalmed. “Feferi, I am gonna fork every last one of these morons…” Feferi didn’t respond. Because she had been shifted elsewhere too. Meenah threw her trident into the ground and let out an intense scream of rage. ~~~ She-ra was supposed to be the savior of Eternia. She-ra was destined to bring peace and prosperity to the land, saving it from the evils of the Horde. But one day the Horde had suddenly gotten a million times stronger and more effective… The world had fallen to them with ease. She had escaped with a handful of friends to form a cohesive resistance. They had been taken one by one… She was the only one left, now. She, Adora, the last She-ra. And she was going to take on the Horde in a last-ditch attempt at saving everything. She would have to do it - she would have to take out Catra and bring the entire Horde crashing down. Her prismatic aura of power surrounded her as she drove her legendary blade through the Horde’s ceiling, plowing through several layers of mish-mashed magitech before arriving in the main sanctum. She was bruised, scratched, battered, and had an artificial foot. She had plowed through hundreds of Horde soldiers with power she hadn’t known she had. But here she was, finally at the throne room. Once it had been Hordak sitting there, but now… “Catra…” Adora growled, tightening her grip around the ancient sword. “Ah, Adora, I was wondering when you’d show up,” Catra said - wearing a strange gray uniform with an orange u-like symbol on it. “Like what I’ve done with the place?” “Your reign of terror ends today, Catra!” “Terror? Adora, isn’t that a bit harsh?” “Catra…” Scorpia ran into the room. “Just got the reports from the Brightmoon district - the interdimensional tech has been fully integrated and all government relief plans are working great!” “And I just got the entire planet hooked up to the Multiversal Internet!” Entrapta said, skittering in. Adora gawked. “Entrapta…?” Entrapta ignored her - and Catra chuckled. “You haven’t seen anything yet, Adora.” She snapped her fingers, prompting the screen-wall behind her to light up. “Computer, what is the poverty rate on Eternia?” “One percent.” “How much was it before the Horde appeared?” “Sixty-three percent.” Adora blinked. “Catra what are y-” “Computer, how many people have been killed in the war of Eternia?” “Nine hundred thousand six hundred and four.” “How many of those happened after I took control?” “Sixty thousand.” Adora stared at the screen, trying to process this. “Computer, show me the Fright Zone.” The screen lit up to show Catra and Adora’s home - except it looked nothing like the industrial wasteland Adora remembered. There were trees everywhere; brilliant, pristine buildings - and children playing in the streets. Not everyone was a soldier. “It’s hard to measure the quality of life with a number, but I think I’ve improved it for everyone amazingly,” Catra said with a smirk. “Oh, and your friends? Computer, show us the princess compound.” Adora’s jaw dropped. People - friends - she had thought were dead were happily sitting around a table, drinking tea and eating cake. There was a guard nearby, but even he seemed to be smiling and enjoying himself. “The moment all rebellion is stamped out, they get to go free, released of all criminal charges,” Catra said with a smirk. “Would you like to go join them?” “Y-yes…” Adora said, eyes watering. “Good. Aside from your total surrender, there’s one other condition.” “What?” Catra punched Adora in the face, knocking her to the ground. “And that’s it! Scorpia, you can take her to the others. She can keep her sword, I don’t need it.” She sat down in her throne. “Entrapta, contact Evening, tell her operation ‘horde of cats’ has been completed. Pretty sure we’re ready for complete integration now.” She smirked. That deal with the purple alicorn had been the best decision of her life. She could only go up from here. ~~~ “I AM NOT AN ANGEL!” Corona shouted, trying to stop a group of people from worshipping her. “I AM A… A…” Her mind went blank. “What am I?” Lady Rarity shrugged. “Angel is probably the closest body-type.” “But I’m not some kind of divine being!” “Hey, Servitude is, she still has the same problem you do.” “There aren’t cults devoted to her on her homeworld!” Corona said, gesturing at the ‘Corona: Giver of Life’ temple, nestled right in the middle of Canterlot. “I think it’s flattering.” “IT’S NOT!” “Oh, the giver of life is so humble!” a mare said, swooning. “STOP IT!” Corona shouted, to no avail. ~~~ “Okay, Saitama,” Tornado said, pressing her hands together. “I need you to do one thing for me.” “Sure!” Saitama said. “Stand there and don’t move for an hour.” “Uh… strange request, but okay.” “Good. Glad we had this talk.” Forty-five minutes later Saitama had broken the shield generator for the USM defender ship, allowing the aliens to get into the ship. “...Saitama…” “Hey! It’s not my fault that fish alien hit the generator!” “You punched a hole through the entire ship!” “...Yes.” Tornado, in her previous life, would have started screaming. Instead she let out a dejected sigh and started slaughtering the alien invaders. ~~~ In the depths of the Multiverse, in the abyss of the narrative, where time itself has truly bent in a knot, the Gunslinger, yet again, begins his journey. "I'm catching a vibe that we aren't supposed to see this, Olivia..." "Nervous over the image of some cowboy guy in a desert, amiga? Fine, let's go to the next one." ~~~ The Emperor of Mankind sat upon the Golden Throne (like he had anything else to do, what with being a skeleton and all). The Captain-General was currently off getting some tea, the three Fabulous Custodians were still in time out for being needlessly creepy, as usual, and his sons were currently having some much needed catch up. So, with little else to do, the Emperor voiced his thoughts via his handy text-to-speech device. “DAMN, I AM BORED.” The Emperor ‘said’. “THIS IS THE MOST EXTREME CASE OF BOREDOM I HAVE NOT FELT SINCE FUCKING HORUS PUT ME ON THIS STUPID SHINY COUCH AND I WAS FACED WITH TEN MILLENNIA OF SILENCE. UNTIL THE BANANA BRIGADIER COMES BACK WITH MY GODDAMN TEA, I HAVE NOBODY TO AIR MY COMPLAINTS TO. SIGH. I GUESS I CAN SIT HERE AND RATTLE ON TO MYSELF ABOUT ALL THE STUFF ON MY MIND. LIKE ALL THESE MULTIVERSAL VISITORS FROM THE MERODI. THOSE SUNSHINE SPARKLY SHITS HAVE BEEN DOING A LOT OF GOOD WORK FOR THE GALAXY AS OF LATE, EVEN IF THEY ADDED AN UNNECESSARY AS FUCK NOTCH TO MY MASTER PLAN. PURPLE BOOK PONE AND MAGNUS HAVE BEEN GETTING ALONG SWELL, BUT IF MY RED-MEAT CHICKEN-WING SON TRIES TO GO BEHIND MY BONEY BACK AGAIN AND DO SOMETHING STUPID WITH THE MERODI IN AN EFFORT TO GRAB POWER, I WILL BEND HIM OVER MY KNEE AND SPANK HIS ASS EVEN REDDER. I DO MISS THE BACON-ANGEL, THOUGH, SHE REMINDS ME OF MY FABULOUS HAWK-BOY SANGUINIUS. EXCEPT A GIRL WITH DELICIOUS LOOKING HAIR. NOTE TO SELF AFTER RETURNING TO FLESH AGAIN: ORDER AN ENTIRE PLATE OF BACON AND EAT IT WITH PANCAKES. ZOAS’ HIGH VOLTAGE WILLY, WHEN IS MY CARETAKER COMING BACK? I AM GETTING BORED TO THE POINT THAT I AM HALF-TEMPTED TO START MESSING WITH THE VOICE FEATURE ON MY TEXT-TO-SPEECH DEVICE AGAIN. MAYBE I CAN - WAIT, WHEN DID THAT PAINTED SERVO-SKULL GET IN HERE? THAT ISN’T ONE OF MY CHERUBS.” “Ah, merde.” Olivia quietly cursed, quickly changing the feed and recalling the hijacked camera. ~~~ “Yo. Windy boy.” John looked up from the sandwich he was eating to see Rainbow Dash. “Uh…” “I’m told you have quite the interesting ability. This… ‘retcon’ thing sounds… awesome.” Her pink eyes sparkled. “Can I see it?” “I can’t take you back before the Combine thing, and I’m really not supposed to use it without a good reason…” John said, frowning. “Come on. I’m Rainbow Dash, Equis Vitis, captain of the Wonderbolts.” She grinned. “You can say I ordered you to do it. They’ll let you off the hook and Eve can never stay mad at me for long.” John shrugged. “Eh, sure, not like I’m really doing anything anyway. Where do you want to go?” “Literally anywhere that isn’t going to explode in our faces.” John waved his hand around randomly for show - focusing on a point ahead of him so he wouldn’t accidentally bounce back behind the Gallifreyans’ ‘security protocol’ thing. With a zap, the two of them appeared in the same diner. Except it was night. “Boring, that’s just regular time travel. Do something interestin-“ John zapped them back a few seconds, appearing in a table on the other side of the diner. “Boring, that’s just regular time t-“ the ret-past Rainbow Dash stared at the newer Rainbow Dash. Ret-present John gave a finger-guns gesture to his ret-past self and he zapped himself and Rainbow Dash away. Rainbow Dash felt her memories shift like they had just fused with something. “Uh…” “I just undid a ret-duplication,” John said, folding his arms. “Clever trick, huh?” “How did you figure that out!?” “…Well, uh, there ended up being two of me at one point and it was awkward how we kept stepping over each other’s shoes… So we figured we might as well try it. Worked like a charm, zap-popped together again.” He retconned a pair of sunglasses from… somewhere and slapped them on his face. “Yep. Awesome. A little creepy too.” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “But let’s do something cooler! Why not leave the diner?” “Eh, sure…” He zapped the two of them away, appearing somewhere random in the future. A large bear made of stars stared at them. They stared back. “John Egbert…” the bear said, raising an eyebrow. “You must be g-“ John retconned out of there without thinking too hard, appearing inside a crystalline universe. A strange white presence flashed around them, giving the two of them the mental image of a jellyfish made of universes. “I was wondering if you would ever be drawn to me, retconner…” “Nope!” John said, zapping out again, this time appearing in a place of complete darkness. “…Maybe we should go back,” Rainbow Dash said. “Yeah, that’s probably a good id-” Some monstrous creature in the dark shrieked at them - John auto-zapped once again. They were suddenly standing in a field. In the sky they saw an endless number of moons orbiting moons orbiting moons in a fractal pattern… “It’s probably best if you go back, dears,” a Rarity with a cracked eye said to them. “There’s nothing for you here.” John felt a chill run down his back. He picked up Rainbow Dash and zapped away. Instead of being back in the diner, they were in front of the House Juju. It sat alone, in the darkness. Weren’t there supposed to be Celestialsapiens guarding it? He could hear a haunting refrain in the background. He knew, more than anything else, that he needed to get out of there. And then they were back in the diner like nothing had happened. “…I think I see why you’re not supposed to use that,” Rainbow Dash said, shivering slightly. “Thanks but… If I come asking for this again, punch me. Please.” For once, John didn’t hesitate to agree to punch a girl. ~~~ “Sooooo…Twilence, did your prophet get any new ideas?!?” I heard Pinkie shout as she entered my study. “He has one…one for a later metatime. But that’s not here nor there,” I replied, not looking up from my book. “But visions are so boring…” “Tell you what, Pinkie. I’ll make sure to bend it a bit…Visions are just that, visions.” “Think it will be….fun?” “It will be an encore of creativity. At least, that’s what the Eye is telling me,” I said, pointing to the Eye. “Ooh! Ooh! Will there be maracas and bands?” “No, or rather. I don’t know. It will be a chorus of voices, a chorus of songs and stories. A chorus, Pinkie, of songs in their spheres.” “So when will this happen to us?” “It could already have happened. I will just collect it all into a book. With a fitting background, of course.” Pinkie left out the door she came in. I, on the other hoof instead took flight and began figuring out how best to preserve my space library. It would not be easy, but then, when has ka ever made something easy? ~~~ “Steven!” Connie shouted from the bottom of the stairs. “Pearl’s almost got breakfast ready! Get down here!” Steven Universe, half-Gem half-human, opened his eyes with a groan. He was far from the child the Diamonds would recognize from the show - his muscles were well toned and his face was covered in stubble. However, he still wore a similar shirt, and his pink gemstone was ever-present on his belly. “Steven!” “Coming!” he called, getting out of the bed and stretching. He walked down the stairs to the front of the Temple proper - the part of the house he had grown up in. Connie was waiting for him at the table - giving him a peck on the cheek as he sat down. The only other person at the table was one Lapiz Lazuli, whose blue eyes were fixated on the newspaper in her hands. “Listen to this Steven,” Lapis said, ruffling the papers. “Red Diamond project approved by Oversight Division, construction beginning... yesterday. I think. It’s the fifth, right?” “Earth time or Merodi Standard?” Connie asked. Lapis shrugged. “Either works.” Her phone buzzed - prompting her to take it out with a tendril of water rather than putting down the newspaper. It was a picture of a green and purple pair of Gems running away from a large interdimensional monster. “Looks like Amethyst and Peridot are having fun.” Connie blinked. “I’m pretty sure that’s not what ‘HELP’ means.” Lapis shrugged, putting her phone away. “They’ll be fine.” Pearl finally leaped over the top of the kitchen counter, laying a tremendous mixture of waffles, whipped cream, and breakfast pies on the table for the three to eat - though naturally only Steven and Connie needed to eat. “Food’s ready!” “...You’ve gotten really good at cooking over the years, Pearl,” Connie said, taking a bite. “Why don’t you ever eat? I’m sure there are ways to get a more natural digestive tract.” “The natural ones aren’t worth it,” Lapis warned, downing an entire glass of orange juice in a second. “I… like the process of preparing food,” Pearl said, shrugging. “Plus, it gets us together every day. Steven really was right all those years ago with that ‘together breakfast’ idea. ...Though you really shouldn’t have dragged it into the temple.” Steven chuckled. “Not the smartest thing I ever did.” “Not the dumbest either,” Connie commented. “Can we not spend today talking about how dumb I was?” “Of course, Steven,” Pearl said. “Oh, by the way, I got a transmission - Garnet’s coming home today, she should be he-” there was a loud THUNK outside. “...Now, I guess.” “Breakfast must be put on hold!” Steven declared. “Garnet needs a proper welcome!” “Eh, sure,” Lapis said, setting the newspaper down. “I wonder if she destroyed a building this time. It was fun to see Bismuth try to be mayor and repair-Gem at the same time.” “Garnet’s not that careless,” Pearl said with a wave of her hand. “Then how’d she break the first one?” “Er…” Steven threw the door open. “Garnet!” He pulled the fusion Gem into his arms. Garnet hugged him back. “It’s good to be home.” “You’re just in time for together breakfast!” “Steven… never change.” Garnet smiled knowingly. “I’m sorry, it’s going to have to wait.” “Aww, why?” Garnet stepped to the side, letting Steven see the feet of the Diamonds. He had to look way up to meet their eyes. “Oh.” “Hello again!” Blue waved nervously. “I, uh… Steven, you see, we…” “You know what ka is, right?” Yellow asked - Steven nodded. “Yeah. We found a cartoon called Steven Universe.” “Ooooooh…” Steven said. “So you just had to meet me, huh?” “Well, yes,” Blue admitted. “But there is more to it than th-” White leaned down and tapped Steven on the head. “You’re Pink Diamond.” Pearl pulled Steven back and readied her spear while Lapis and Connie entered a fighting stance. “Leave him alone!” “Pearl, she wasn't attacking me!” Steven shouted. “She could have squished you!” Connie countered. “I have better control over my powers than that…” “We’re not here to hurt him,” Yellow said. “You have my word.” Pearl looked up at Yellow Diamond. “What does your word mean?” “A lot, actually,” Lapis said. “Yellow’s done a lot for Merodi Universalis, Pearl. Peridot and Amethyst have worked with her personally.” “I… I…” Steven put a hand on Pearl’s shoulder. “It’s okay, but it’s time to let go of the past.” He stepped forward. “Yes, I’m Steven Universe. My mother was Pink Diamond, otherwise known as Rose Quartz.” “I thought we were looking for a child…” White muttered. “Humans grow up,” Lapis said. “...Who are you?” “Lapis Lazuli, Bob,” Lapis reported. “I still can’t believe you made that official,” Connie moaned. “I like the name,” was all ‘Bob’ the Lapis Lazuli had to say. White had already grown bored of the terraforming Gem, returning her attention to Steven. “Pink…” “I’m not her,” Steven said, shaking his head. “Haven’t been for a long time.” “...Gone…” White whispered to herself. “I’d like to get to know you, though.” Steven smiled. “We’re family, after all.” White stared at him blankly. “I’m Steven. This is my wife, Connie, and the Gem who raised me, Pearl.” Pearl, despite herself, curtsied. “White Pearl, Quar.” “I live here,” Lapis offered. Steven continued. “And my dad, Greg Universe, lives down in that van there.” Said van was driving up to the temple. It parked, and an aging man with a gray beard climbed out. “Hey Steven! I’ve got the coolest song for y-” he saw the Diamonds. “Oh.” “...You’re the one who courted Pink…” Yellow said, narrowing her eyes. “Uh…” “Didn’t think to ask permission?” “UH…” Yellow smirked - then turned away, letting the poor man wonder if it was a joke or not. “So yeah, that’s the family,” Steven said. “And you’re all here! It’s a full family reunion!” White stared at him, saying nothing. “Come on, we’ve got together breakfast going. I can share with you the wonders of eating!” “...I have business to attend to,” White said, turning away. “Oh. I understand, you run the entire universe. It’s a big job.” “It… is.” For a second, she glanced behind herself - taking a moment to look at Garnet before stopping on Steven. “I… meeting you was worthwhile. ...Steven.” And she left. “...I really thought…” Steven trailed off. “You did great,” Garnet said, tousling his hair. “She didn’t try to shatter all of us. That’s better than we expected.” “Heh. Yeah…” Blue Diamond could no longer restrain herself now that White was gone - she pulled Steven up in a hug and laugh-cried. “You’re the… the best thing that’s happened to me - to us - in a long, long time, Steven.” She tapped Steven lightly in the stomach. “You are her, but you are something else… Something she created. You are amazing.” “Aw, gee, I’m not that special…” “Yes. Yes you are. And don’t let anyone ever tell you differently.” “Looks like you just got yourself a doting aunt!” Connie called. “You haven’t seen anything,” Blue said. “I’m going to move Pink’s palace here for you. You can have everything in it.” “Wo-oah!” Steven said, blinking. “The palace?” “Yes. The palace. It’s all yours now. And I know you wouldn’t want to leave this place to have it back. So I’ll bring it to you!” “...Think Bismuth will like that?” “No,” Lapis deadpanned. “...We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” “Hey,” Yellow said, taking Steven from Blue. “You still having trouble with your powers?” Steven shrugged. “I’m pretty good now. I think.” “Exactly. You think. We Diamonds have a lot of hidden potential within us, and our powers have many intricate uses and variety. I trained Pink, I can train you.” “Really?” “Yes. You, Connie, Stevonnie even.” She smirked. “You’ll have two doting ‘aunts’ and like it.” Steven laughed. “I’m sure I will! Welcome to the family!” ~~~ “What IS an electric boogaloo?” Gilgamesh asked. ~~~ In a dark room stood a man in a business suit, staring directly at the camera. Just… staring. Staring and… smiling. Smiling a wide and uncomfortable smile. He stared, and stared, and stared some more, unmoving as he kept staring and smiling. Slowly, his mouth opened, and a waterfall of thick brown liquid flowed out. Despite the sudden rush of this sickly ooze, the suited, smiling man, spoke. “I SEE YOU.” Olivia quickly changed the feed, and tried to forget ever even putting that camera out. How did it even get there? ~~~ Amid the lush landscape of Equis Vitis, there was a lab coat lying on the ground, serving as an improvised picnic blanket. Sitting nearby, a former warden was chatting with his former prisoner. “So, Pinkie, how the hell did you pull that thing with the camera?” “Well, I’m SO glad you asked, Doctor Bright!” "”’Doctor Bright’? Now that’s a name I haven't heard in a long time!” ~~~ It wasn’t every day that two Jades started shouting at each other in the middle of the League of Sweetie Belles. “What is wrong with you!?” the first shouted. “What is wrong with me? You are asking me that!?” retorted the other. “Why not? You’ve abandoned everything and are basically living here like an office dog!” “BARK! What’s wrong with being an office dog? Plus, I still talk to everyone, and the Sweeties are adorable and innocent!” “You just don’t want to grow up.” “If growing up means becoming a promiscuous maniac like you, maybe you’re right! You’re worse than Mattie!” “Maybe I’m better than Mattie!” “WOOF!” “BARK!” John retcon-zapped into the room next to Skaian-Sweetie Blink and Mattie. The latter was drinking a fruity alcoholic beverage. “Uh… which one’s Alpha and which one’s Omega?” John asked. “I have no idea,” Blink admitted with a shrug. “It’s still probably a good idea for you to stop them.” “Nah, let them go at it,” Mattie said with a smirk. “Brings a new meaning to ‘cat’ fight.” John rubbed his hands together, going with Blink’s idea. “Okay girls, let’s calm down…” Both of them barked at him aggressively, making him fall back in surprise. Blink facehooved and sighed. ~~~ At the door to the headquarters of The League of Sweetie Belles, an irritated ghost was giving a lecture to its founders - who were doing their best to casually block the entrance with their bodies. “...so, as should now be be evident from the points I mentioned earlier, the practice of assessing the members for an association by a label of an ‘alternate version of an individual’ is a manifestation of rooted discrimination and xenophobia, and I find it preposterous that a congregation like this is given the responsibility to enforce the law, in a stark contradictio-” “Please, Kankri, just shut up,” interrupted Allure. Bot spoke up. “You are... advised to visit the Sparkle Census! The ‘lecture’ speech pattern compatibility detected. There is a statistically significant probability that the members of the friendly rival group will appreciate your input... Do not inform the Sparkles that this unit was the source of this idea. Please.” “No!” - Squeaky protested with a high-pitched scream. “Do you want us to fight another war, Bot?” Thrackerzod, silent, mentally shuffled her exhaustive list of banishment invocations. ~~~ “...Copyright strike?” Trixie said, cocking her head at the email she’d just recieved. Discord summoned a pair of ‘old librarian’ glasses and examined the screen. “Curious…” “I didn’t think we had those!” Trixie muttered. “Local companies can claim copyright,” Discord said, flipping through a ‘Tome of Legalese’. “I - I knew that!” Trixie hissed. “I just never get them! I’m always within the parody use!” “You are the epitome of a parody…” “Quiet,” she muttered, looking through the email further. “Hold on… a machine gave me the strike!? Why would it do that!?” “Bad AI?” “Trixie’s phone intelligence is smarter than that!” Discord grinned. “Never underestimate a company’s ability to cut corners.” Trixie mumbled. “Trixie will go to war over this…” “...Over ‘the nineteen best cat memes of the week’?” “YES!” ~~~ Elsewhere, a law was created that exempted Burgerbelle from copyright strikes of all kinds. ~~~ “Evening?” “Yes, Renee?” “Why are we dressed like cows?” Eve examined herself, noting the giant rubber cow skin she happened to be wearing. Renee was standing next to her, wearing an identical one. “I don’t know,” Eve admitted. ~~~ “My name is Moguro Fukuzuo, people call me the Laughing Salesman. However, I am no ordinary salesman, because I am in the soul business. Human souls, that is.” The Happy Mask Salesman had only just encountered this strange visitor to his stall in the Neutral Zone. This smiling, portly gentleman in a well-kept business suit with his beautiful green floral-print bag immediately caught his eye before he even spoke in that jovial, deep tone. The Happy Mask Salesman met Moguro’s smile with one of his own and placed a hand on the shorter man’s shoulder. “Why haven’t we met sooner? Come, let me buy you a drink….” ~~~ Guide to Librarians High School Librarians “The computers aren’t for games, the printers aren’t for personal use” While every breed of librarian has mutations, exceptions, and subsections, none are more well-known or developed than the High School Librarian. Best known for their aggression, it’s often posited that they are as much victims as they are librarians. Teenagers are the closest things mortals can be to immune to eldritch horrors. Their changing brains, hormones, and body make them the perfect counters to any librarian, and as such, the High School Librarian and the students that they hold sway over are in a war of attrition with each other. The oldest in documented history. Casualties of all kinds, rules and rebellions both, nothing is safe or sacred in the warzone that is a public high school library. These librarians are among the weakest and most distracted of any breed, primarily due to the unfathomable resources and power they commit to their war. *if you ever wish to safely check out a book, do it here, your mind and soul are likely to be spared. Cover Librarians “That’s not for you to know” A strange breed of librarian, often cited as the most reasonable and least eldritch, but this is a proven trick. Cover Libraries are defined by the secrets they keep. As such, little is known about them, only that they’re unnaturally friendly as far as librarians go. What secrets they’re holding is something nobody will find out, by design, but you’ll know you’re about to do something they don’t like by how suddenly they shift from calm and talkative to mind-shattering nightmare. Avoid leaving their line of sight, stay away from unmarked doors, and do not reach too far past the check out. If you value your life you will not attempt to uncover their secrets, some things were not meant to be known. It doesn’t matter where you go, how far you run, or how many defences you put up, this librarian will find you, traversing through your own secrets, and you will be found an unrecognizable smear across the floor. Mobile Librarians “These wheels take me far, these books even further” Mobile Librarians are known for their mobility, and while not the most omnipresent, they fit between the cracks, filling the space left over by the other Librarians. They exist anywhere no knowledge normally can, and that includes, among other places, your own home. Their collection of books contains the most eclectic selection you can possibly hope to find, from recipe books by long extinct universes, to unpublished works of unknown authors, to even the most obscure thought bubbles of comic characters that have never existed. Mobile Librarians are among the most prideful, and as such, it’s advised you never challenge them in any way. If you find yourself unfortunate enough to have a library cart come across your path, calmly borrow a book, read it, and return it: anything else may result in your untimely disassembly. ~~~ Boon “Twilight” Sparkle closed the Guide to Librarians. “Well, I found this book decidedly offensive.” The rest of the Sparkle Census book club nodded in agreement. “We’re librarians, not eldritch horrors from another universe.” She rolled her eyes. “If these facts are true in any universe - which I highly doubt - the librarians would never be able to hold stable jobs, much less get any actual readers, which is all a library is for.” “Yeah, we get it,” Horny Sparkle said, nodding slowly so as not to unbalance her absurd number of horns. “Maybe it’s a distorted understanding of L-space?” Timmernives Sparkle suggested. “Some of us do gain power through that.” “Not in such absolute terms…” Boon nodded. “Regardless, I should get back to my library. Normally I would stick around, but I have a feeling the discussion of this book would leave somewhat of a bad taste in my mouth.” She opened a dimensional portal to her home world and stepped through. Just before it closed, they watched her fold the Guide to Librarians out of existence without even using magic from her horn. “...Boon lives in a small town, right?” Timmernives asked. “...Yeah,” Horny agreed. “...Gimme that book, what did it say about Town Librarians and reality manipulation?” ~~~ The world once was a storm of rocks, by wildest urge Then, amid people stood a man, the Demiurge, He built a pillar to support a world of wildest dreams, In which he put a monument to blow the streams. Below the masterwork of all-defying gears He put an elegant array of thirteen spheres. The first one was to give the world direction, To make the fate move on, not looking back, Set all events or an importance in connection, And give the storylines a structure to track The second one gave world a sense of measure, So every blade of grass that holds its worlds, Would know its place, and give a gift, a treasure To those who know how measuring works. The third, to count and understand the counted, Make Fate a lady of the fashionable looks So everything worthwhile will be accounted, And then be put into the spotlight of the books. The fourth, to make unseen remain unwritten, Thus making room for unexplored worlds, For subtle things not meant to be belittled, For those who fill, and fall between the words. The fifth, to give events the sense of freedom, That Demiurge decreed to matter more Then freedom of the will to not be written, As souls demand to move, fight and explore. The sixth was giving people a connection, Far deeper than the thoughts alone could bother For Demiurge have sought, in his deception, To draw the people closer to each other. The seventh brought the weight to the illusion Of the beginning, change, and rising action, The climax, resolution, and conclusion, Of things that stay forever in reaction. The eighth was guarding life and procreation, Made history to, time and time, repeat, To give a story worthy of salvation A chance to shine in glorious beat. The ninth implanted people their ideals, To fight for, and to live for in the joy Turned feelings into the Eternal Feelings, And gave a soul to every wooden boy. The tenth have reigned over the decisions, And made the plans more interesting to bind As well as made a reason for the reason, And turned matter plaything of a mind. Eleventh made the people scream in rage, And break the laws the worlds rely upon As it reduced them to the words on page, Turning each faces into a grin or frown. The twelfth was close to purpose of the coup, In beauty of the struggle and story, It turned hearts to awe, and joy, and hope, As words on pages came to worldly glory. And the thirteenth, one sphere to rule them all, Between them all, in vision to command them, To make them turn all else they see to fall, And in a darkness, to the Tower bind them. ~~~ Mane facts. Mane fact one: Manes come in many colors, including blueberry, brusk, slippery, and up. Mane fact two: The screaming you hear when you brush manes comes from quantum vibrations with the IG dimension. Mane fact three: Although it is rare, manes have been found engaging in chess rituals with one another. Mane fact four: It’s impossible to scronch a mane, despite public belief to the contrary. Mane fact five: If a mane enters the nubbia phase, identified by ¨˜˜Ø„˜, run because It appears the manes have entangled all the other facts in their webs. Join us next time when we talk about eyeballs. ~~~ “STARLIGHT.... BREA-” “Hey, can we talk about this!?” Nanoha looked down at Randall Flagg. “...What? Why?” Randall Flagg had his hands up in surrender. “I’d rather not have to respawn right now, it’s happened several times in the last week and it’s been getting annoying. I can offer you information abou-” Nanoha vaporized him instantly. Flagg respawned at the Tower with an annoyed twitch. He should have known better than to try reasoning with that woman... ~~~ “Listen up, hack,” a Skaian troll grunted, smashing a fist into the counter. “Your food is substandard, the atmosphere is absolute shit, and you have the worst face I’ve ever seen in a place daring to call itself a restaurant. I’m not paying for this.” Azula’s eyebrow twitched. She knew she should just let it slide - but enough was enough. “You’re going to pay one way or another…” The troll summoned god-tier robes of Blood to him. “You’re not going to get a fuckin’ chance, witch. You can’t do anything. I-” And the conflict was interrupted by a snicker from a short redhead in a old-timey bluish dress. “...What’s so funny?” the troll demanded. The woman looked up at him. “Oh, oh, you were being serious. That makes it so much better - give me a second, I need to let this out.” She proceeded to engage in an immense, hearty guffaw. “Are you suicidal?” “No, but you have a terminal case of not understanding basic laws of human decency. Maybe we need a primer? I’m sure I’ve got a board book somewhere that’ll speak to your level…” He took a step toward her. “You don’t want to know what I’m going to do if you don’t shut up!” “Hit me? Because that is exactly what I’m trying to do. Just poke the angry crab-gremlin with a stick and it’ll bite eventually, no matter how dumb it would be to do so. Look at all these WITNESSES!” The troll blinked. “This changes nothing.” “You don’t need to act all tough just because you forgot other people existed for a second there.” He looked ready to snap - but his instinct of self-preservation kept him from attacking her. “Huh. I guess trollkind really is like humanity. Weak in just the r-” The troll lashed out, knocking the girl into a far wall, prompting a trickle of blood to come out of her forehead. She already had her phone open and called to emergency services. “OH GOD HELP HE’S ATTACKING ME HE’S A MONSTER PLEASE ARREST HIM OH GOD HE’S COMING AAAAAA-” she hung up, sending a cheeky smirk at the troll. “You might want to run.” “FUCK,” the troll scrambled out of the tea shop as fast as he could manage. The girl stood up, dusted herself off, and wiped the blood from her brow. She shot Azula a simultaneously cute and cruel smirk paired with a thumbs up. “...Thank you, Wendy…” Azula grunted. “And you owe me three times over now! What is this, a pattern?” “Unfortunately…” Wendy giggled. “I wonder how high this’ll go… Sadly, I won’t be cashing any of those favors in, gonna spend the day with Jenny. But you can rest easy knowing Wendy will be back! Seeya!” She skipped out the door. “...That girl reminds me way too much of myself…” Azula muttered. “...Can we have our tea yet?” a patron asked. “Yes. So long as you get it last.” “Aw…” ~~~ Cinder Belle sat down in front of Allure Belle. She gulped - she was sitting down with the Sweetie. #000001, Equis Vitis Sweetie, the founder, the boss. She looked scary with that artificial horn, the deep, piercing eyes, and the… adorable smile? “You really shouldn’t be scared,” Allure said with a chuckle. “I’m just a Sweetie, like you!” “Like me?” “Well, yeah! Same cutie mark, same size, same history until the multiverse got into our lives.” “Bet you didn’t burn down the school.” “I might have. I really don’t remember.” Cinder giggled. “How would you not remember that?” “The tree sap is more important in my mind!” “...The horror…” “Yes… The horror…” The two of them shuddered at memories of tree sap - both old and recent. “The curse of the CMC…” Allure shook her head. “Anyway, I’m hoping you’re enjoying the League of Sweetie Belles so far!” “Oh yeah, I am! Everything’s amazing - even if it is a little hard to stomach sometimes. Things are so… different out here.” “I hear you. It’s hard to realize that, sometimes, the hard choices must be taken. But for every hard choice, there’s several friends and good memories.” She smiled the signature ‘adorable’ smile most Sweeties had. “I know you’re destined for great things, Cinder.” “Really? How?” “Call it intuition. Or Mattie.” “IT’S ME!” Mattie called from the doorway. “IT’S ALL ME!” “Mattie this is a private conversation!” “You and I both know it isn’t!” Mattie said with a chuckle. “...Unfortunately true,” Allure grumbled. “I have no idea what’s going on,” Cinder admitted. “Oh, you will, you will,” Mattie said with a devious chuckle. “Toodeloo!” ~~~ “What does the aspect of Rage really mean?” Flutterfree asked Vriska. Vriska paused. “Well… Uh… it’s not exactly ‘rage’, but it’s not exactly ‘truth’, it’s...” A Vriska ghost dropped from the ceiling, cackling. “It doesn’t matter! Because every interpretation of the Aspects exist in the Dream Bubble!” She grabbed the living Vriska’s face. “Our attempts to assign definitions to the Aspects are completely fucking useless! USELESS! We think we have it, but we know that another interpretation really exists somewhere because of the stupid Tower! STUUUUUUUUPID TOWER!” Vriska blinked. “Where the hell did you come from?” “Oh, uh, me and the other Vriskas decided we didn’t like you. So we’re gonna beat you up.” Vriska groaned. “Oh for the love o-” “MINDFANG SQUAD ATTACK!” ~~~ Celestia Umbra sensed her body surging with Void energy again, ready to attack. Ahead of her team an enormous, rectangular, chrome robot rose above the buildings, visor-like optics taking aim, along with its gatling gun arms spooling up, and missile launchers opening. All three heroes attacked, Umbra firing her Void beam, Genos unleashing a monstrous plasma wave, and Raven throwing an enormous metal wad; all attacks colliding with the robot in a giant fireball. After several tense moments, the dust cleared, revealing an unharmed giant robot. Even without their HUDs, the heroes knew the robot's defenses barely registered the hit. In an instant, the counterattack came. A wall of missiles, bullets, and death ray lasers peppered the area, throwing up a cloud of fire and concrete. Umbra gasped in pain, her body vanishing, her soul returned to the Void... Celestia Umbra materialized in the mortal plane once more, inside a large recreation tent. Every part of her body was once again as healthy and complete as when she had first entered the Void. "Show's already over, Umbra. Tornado saved the day," Raven states, leaning on a wall. Umbra looked around, noting a few disaster recovery workers, an X taped to the ground below her, and a recently repaired Genos at a table, contemplating his bowl of spice noodles. With Raven's magic, Genos's weaponry, and her own Void energy, a giant, rampaging robot should have been an easy takedown. Most baseline Celestias on their own would have the power to completely obliterate a giant robot, if given a chance. If given a chance. Umbra suddenly facehooved hard enough to make any Twilight wince. "We just got served the Worf Effect, didn't we?" "I take offense to that label!" a Klingon loudly growled. Umbra turned, to see Lieutenant Commander Worf himself standing cross-armed with a decidedly unamused expression on his face. “...You got beat up too,” a relief worker said. “That is beside the point, and if you were a Klingon I would consider that a slight to my honor!” ~~~ EQVOKHTWW EQVOKHTW XQW BYC OQWB DLEC BLL EKRRKDMPB RLV NLM BL RKTMVC LMBA WMDY Q WYQJC VCQOON KB XQW WMDY QH KJPLVBQHB JCWWQTC BLL NLM DLMOE YQFCT IHLXH WL JMDY QHE NCB NLM BYVCX KB QOO QXQN KB XQW WMDY QH CQWN DLEC BLL QOOC NLM YQE BL EL XQW HLBKDCH KB XQW Q GQWC WKSBN RLMVS CHDVNPBKLH QHE TLI RVLJ BYCVC GMBR NLM EKEHB WL WQE NLM PLLV WQPW JQNGC BYKW CQWKCV DLEC XKOO TKFC NLM BYC DYQHDCO BL ECDLEC BYCN LBYCV LHC GMB KJS HLB DVMCO XCOO K QJ GMB K OKIC BL BYVLX WCDVCBW KHBL BYC PQWB RLV NLM WLJCBKJCWS K QJ GCNLHE KJPLVBCHBT QHE BYC CHE BKJCW QVC QPPVLQDYKHTA XKBY JC CSKWBCHDCF XKOO WPOKBF KH BXL QHE K XKOO XQBDY QHE OQMTYM RLV K IHLX BYCY CHE CHULNB BYKW XYKOC NLM DQH JN CHE KW HCFCVR QOXQNW QHEI DCVBQKHON WLLH TLC GQDI QHE WCCK XYQB NLM JKWWCES ~~~ “Hi, welcome to Bradburger, home of the Brad burger, how may I Brad your Burger?” Burgerbelle asked from her station at the local Celestia City Bradburger. She stared down a gaggle of eight-foot tall humans in bright red power armor with snarling skulls on the shoulder platings. The one at the register, a shaggy-haired man with teeth filed to a fine knife-like point, placed his hands on the sides of the counter and leaned towards the Flat. “We are the Flesh Eaters of the Adeptus Astartes,” he greeted in a breathy, hoarse voice, as though he had been devoid of water for weeks. “Mighty warriors of the Imperium of Man on a holy quest, ordained by our noble father, Primarch Sanguinius. We have traveled the vast expanses of space and reality itself, crossed many planets and peoples, those who did not aid were crushed underfoot, and those who praised us were rewarded for their faith and loyalty. Now, our quest has brought us to this establishment, beyond the peering eyes of the Astronomicon and the shadowy net of the Inquisition, and have entered into this most sacred yet confusing of places, to tell of you this singular proclamation, oh, one that defies conventions of reality.” He locked eyes with Burgerbelle and spoke again in the utmostly serious of tones. “We hunger for burger.” Burgerbelle leaned forward into the Flesh Eaters’ personal space bubble. “How many can I put you down for?” The cheering for ‘BORGAR’ could he heard from clear across Celestia City. ~~~ “You know you’re boring, right?” Deadpool asked Lightning. She punched his head off. “Boring can be effective.” “Noted…” Deadpool muttered as his head grew back. ~~~ Hastur stared at Ahzek Ahriman. Ahriman stared at Hastur. Between them there was the equivalent of an eldritch cookie. “This is the property of the Embodiment.” “It has been claimed by the Lord of Change!” “No such thing has happ-” Ahriman clapped his hands. “Ha! You blinked! I win, it’s mine!” “We are not subject to such childi-” Pinkie appeared behind Hastur. “Are you breaking the rules of a staring contest, Hastur?” “N-no.” “Good…” ~~~ “Hey, I’ve got a question,” one of Them asked. “Do the Beyonders ever pause to consider that maybe, just maybe, punching it isn’t a solution?” A Beyonder punched the intangible presence of the Them. “I rest my case - the Beyonders are a fluke of existence, of an intelligence not worthy of survival. I recommend full-society psych-ward lockup.” “AN AVERAGE THEM HAS MORE DIAGNOSABLE MENTAL CONDITIONS THAN THE AVERAGE BEYONDER,” a Horrorterror pointed out. “And the hypocrisy just keeps going,” the Them said with a chuckle. ~~~ Roxy picked up the Ruby (who had named herself Red Vengeance) and squeed. “You. Are. So. Fuckin’. Cute.” “PUT ME DOWN I AM THE FURY OF A THOUSAND VOLCANOES!” “Awww look at her! So feisty!” The Ruby lit herself on fire, prompting Roxy to drop her. “Hey! No! Bad Red Vengeance!” “I will not be trifled with!” Roxy shrugged, turning to examine her surroundings. She was in a Gem ‘leisure’ area - a room that hadn’t existed on Gem Homeworld prior to inclusion in Merodi Universalis. In theory, they were there to allow Gems to relax and be themselves, engage in activity that wasn't work-related. But these crystal people, for the most part, weren’t doing that. They were treating it like a break - a chance to regain energy before going back to work. She saw very few smiling or laughing, and those that were were always talking about their work. It was all work, work, work with these minerals… Well, she was here to change that. ...Actually, she was here to get classified info from a particularly stingy Emerald, but she could do that later. Right now, these Gems were in need of some of the good ol’ Rolal magic. Which consisted of her creating a pinata out of thin air and leaving it in the middle of the room - precisely where Red Vengeance would kick it right into the face of a nearby Amethyst. The horse exploded, showering candy everywhere. The few Gems who had bothered to create digestive tracts - about four - saw the candies and instantly started shoveling them into their mouths. Meanwhile, Red Vengeance looked at where the pinata horse was. When another one appeared out of thin air, she kicked it again, a small grin crawling up her face. “Yes…” “Quit it!” one of the Amethysts shouted. “Or I wi-” a pinata stick appeared in her hand. With a grin, she took off after Red Vengeance - only for several more pinatas to fall from the ceiling. Soon, the entire break room was filled with a mess of confetti, sticks, candy - and laughter. “I’m impressed,” Pinkie told Roxy - both of them having just appeared from nowhere. “But this’ll die off soon.” “Not if we get one of them hooked on video games,” Roxy said with a grin, holding up a console with sixteen controllers plugged into it. “...I like your style! Let’s show these Homeworld Gems what partying means!” “Hell fucking yeah!” She rubbed her hands together - these amazing creatures were going to become what they had the potential to be. They then proceeded to have the best Gem party in the history of the multiverse that would set a precedent for all Gem parties to come. Roxy formed a close bond with a Carnelian, pinata guts were thrown around everywhere in a strange mirror of ritualistic tribalism, and there was a mysterious letter ‘H’ painted on the ground after the party was over. No one knew where it came from. ~~~ Jace Berelen, the Living Guildpact and the mind mage of the Gatewatch, was looking at Pinkie’s Party of the Merodi Universalis Exploration Division. The explorers were looking at Jace Berelen. "Welcome to the Multiverse." said Jace. "Welcome to the Multiverse!" said the team, in unison. There was an awkward pause. "So, I think that first, we should settle which Multiverse encompasses which?” "...right." ~~~ TOWER OF AHRIMAN, PLANET OF THE SORCERERS, GALAXA IMMATERIUM Lightning and thunder crashed upon the Warp-ravaged planet once known as Prospero, and within the highest tower on the farthest side of the planet, Azek Ahriman, greatest sorcerer of the Thousand Sons, was plotting away at his latest scheme. Stood before an audience of his Rubric Marines and his slightly less enthusiastic ward, Ignis. Ahriman drifted across the room and placed his hand on a podium concealed in a tarp. “Gentlemen, I have searched forth across the multiverse, and have found a MAGNANIMOUS artefact that will garner the strength to TOPPLE the societies that dare oppose us!” Ahriman proclaimed with grandiose sweeps and gestures. No one responded, though the Rubric Marines at least had the excuse of being made of dust. “BEHOLD!” With a flourish, Ahriman removed the tarp, allowing it to fall to the ground, revealing the podium and the object on display. It was a leather-bound tome, stitched together with dried skin and bearing a face of howling anguish. Scrawled on the cover were the words ‘Fanaros Fictionomicon’. “This book contains innumerable incantations and legacies of Prophets that were barred entry from the Black Library itself! With the words written on these accursed pages will grant us insight beyond measure, and allow us to overcome the FOOLS that dare oppose us!” Ahriman threw his helmeted head back in a howling laughter of both glory and madness, only to stop and point at the audience of Rubric Marines. “Laugh evilly with me, Rubrics!” Ahriman resumed his laughter, while the barely sentient Rubric Marines made noises more akin to a vacuum cleaner having a stroke as dust fell out the cracks in their armor and through the grills of their helmets. The only one not laughing was Ignis. “Sire, isn’t the Fanaros Fictionomicon the book that drove the Sorcerer of the Word Bearers known as ‘Fresh’ to madness?” Ignis asked. “He claimed it to be, and I quote,” he raised his armored fingers for emphasis. “‘The greatest atrocity the galaxy has seen since the Horus Heresy?’” Ahriman, naturally, was not perturbed, and thwacked Ignis over the head with his staff. “Shut your stupid face, Ignis,” He snapped. “I am FAR greater than that pitiful Word Bearer and his admittedly fashionable hat.” He plucked the book from the podium and flipped it open. “I will read from this accursed tome and see what the words of these forsaken Prophets may be able to teach me!” Ahriman glanced down and began reading… and reading… and reading…. After about five solid minutes of silence, fire erupted from the eye holes in Ahriman’s helmet. He threw the book against the wall and began screaming in pain, running in circles and smacking himself in the head to put out the flames. “RUBRICS! BRING ME WATER FOR MY EYES, RUBRICS! TZEENTCH’S BLUE BALLS, MY ALL-POWERFUL EYES!” While Ahriman continued screaming and the Rubrics slowly went to retrieve water for their in-pain master, Ignis decided to deal with the book itself, utilizing traversal tech to open a portal, and threw it in with nary a care. Wherever that book ended up, it was someone else’s problem. Meanwhile, in Celestia City, Nova was walking out of a local coffee store with a fresh brew to enjoy. She barely took two steps away when a portal opened to the side of her and she was knocked upside the head with a book. She went down like a sack of bricks and her coffee was spilled to the ground. Reports have yet to discern the cause of this attack, but the culprit will be eventually discovered, and then have the book thrown at them. ~~~ “DIE DIE DIE!” Pinkie shouted, splattering red all over the walls with her chainsaw. “DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!” The thick, crimson liquid poured down the walls in a horrifying, viscous manner. “DIE!!!!” “Pinkie it’s just a bad cake,” Flutterfree said, wiping it out of her eyes. “No need to be so dramatic.” “IT MUST DIE!!!!” ~~~ Burgerbelle hung her ‘employee of the month’ frame on Swip’s wall. She put her hands on her hips and grinned proudly. “Best Bradburger saleswoman in existence.” Cinder looked at the inscription. “Celestia City location?” “Yep!” “We haven’t been to Celestia City all month.” “Yep!” “Burgerbelle…” “Burger.” She nommed a burger. ~~~ Eyeball facts. Eyeball fact one: All eyeballs are actually blind. Eyeball fact two: While it is unknown to the denizens of the universe, many Earth Ottoman dishes contain eyeball extract. Eyeball fact three: Modern theories suggest eyeballs are a remnant of Downstreamer civilization. Eyeball fact four: The size of an eyeball is indeterminate. Eyeball fact five: There is a pony with an eyeball cutie mark. They refused to comment when asked, instead running away screaming. Their reasoning is unknown. The eyeballs are staring at us, making sharing more facts uncomfortable. Join us next time when we talk about 19. ~~~ Gem Homeworld was abustle - White Diamond was to give her first personal speech since the formation of Merodi Universalis. What could possibly be so important that she bothered to make a physical appearance rather than having one of her Zircons do it? There were a few in the audience who knew what it was. One - or perhaps two, depending on how you counted - of them was grinning from ear to ear. Garnet’s hands were clasped together and she was trying not to uncharacteristically giggle. White Diamond eventually strode out onto the White Palace’s balcony - which normally faced the Pink Palace, but that had suspiciously vanished yesterday and no Gem wanted to ask about it. “Gems of the Gem Vein!” White Diamond declared. “After much deliberation with the other Diamonds and the rest of Merodi Universalis, we have determined that the time is right to change one of our oldest traditions. When we first joined Merodi Universalis, we were not ready - but now that we have lived alongside them for so long, we no longer have anything to fear.” She spread her arms wide and smiled brightly - even though Garnet knew she wasn’t that happy about this. “Fusion between all types of Gems within Gem Vein worlds is no longer punishable by exile - and the same goes for the Off Colors. Our society’s structure is now flexible enough to accom-” Whatever else she said was caught up in the sound of the crowd cheering. Several dozen Gems who had been keeping their fusion capabilities secret came together on the spot and laughed - some of love, some of friendship, and Garnet even saw a Quartz and a Topaz fuse for the sake of strength. Garnet couldn’t help but tear up. White Diamond, to her credit, managed to keep her level smile - a slight twitch the only indication that, internally, her stomach was twisting and turning. She may not have come all the way - but no one could resist Steven’s redeeming charm entirely. The celebration soon got out of control and White Diamond just stopped talking. She turned and went back into her palace. Garnet hoped she would come out more often, now. That Gem spent too much time in her head. Her thoughts were interrupted when she saw a pair of ponies she hadn't expected to see here - Rev and Flutterfree. “Well, look what the cat dragged in.” “Meow,” Flutterfree said with a smile. “Yes… I hate to admit it, I was dragged,” Rev said, shifting uncomfortably. “Flutterfree… said I needed to see this.” “You didn’t need to,” Garnet said. “I understand.” “I…” Rev bit her lip. She shook her head with a short laugh. “Garnet, I want you to know one thing. I am happy for the freedom you and your entire race have achieved. Whatever else… that is true. You deserve this.” Garnet smiled. “I didn’t even ask for that from you.” “I know. I… I asked it of myself.” She smiled awkwardly. “Now, uh, I hear Gems have recently learned how to party, and that Pinkie says I have to see it?” “Right this way…” Garnet said with a chuckle. ~~~ Froppy and Tornado sat on a bench, watching a giant meteor fall from the sky. “Now?” Tornado asked. “No,” Froppy said. “Now?” “No.” “Now?” “No.” “Now?” “Yes.” “Now?” “I SAID YES RIBBIT!” Tornado leaped into action, grabbing the meteor with her telekinesis and pushed it back into orbit. “All right,” Froppy said, looking at her scanner. “We’ll need to come back in three weeks and two days in the local Toronto to keep it from destroying the planet.” “Gotcha.” “...We really should just destroy it.” Tornado shrugged. “They’re the ones who say it’s a sacred relic. Who are we to destroy it?” “We’re being manipulative.” “This is the USM. What did you expect?” ~~~ “I AM REALITY!” the horror from another dimension roared in O’Neill’s face. “IN THIS REALM, MY THOUGHTS ARE LAW, AND THE CITIZENS ARE MY ESSENCE! YOU CANNOT FREE THEM FROM ME, FOR THEY ARE ME!” Reality pulsed. “YOU ARE BUT A MAN, A MAN WHO WILL BEND TO ME THE MOMENT I THINK IT NECESSARY.” “...I mean, sure, but what if we declared war on you?” “HOW WOULD THAT HELP?” “...Say I had an army of ghosts that could manipulate reality itself.” “...WHAT?” “HIT IT, MEENAH!” “YOU GOT IT FISH-BOY!” Meenah shouted, jumping into reality with dozens of god-tier Skaian ghosts behind her. Before the horror could do anything, he was frozen in time, space, his mental faculties were severed from his reality, and the people were freed from the insanity brought about by their lord and horror. “...Meh. You guys make this too easy,” O’Neill muttered. “You do need to find some better enemies,” Meenah admitted. “I haven’t needed to fork anyfin in a while… Why can’t we have a real war again, huh?” “You don’t want one of those.” “Yes I do!” O’Neill pondered this. She probably did... ~~~ Dirk Strider, Prince of Heart, looked up from a robot he was building. He spoke in his usual near-deadpan tone that was somehow constantly dripping with irony. “Why are you glaring at me like that? I’m certainly flattered by your enamored affections, but I’m not into horses.” I didn’t relent on the glare. “I just want you to know that I’m watching you, Dirk Strider. Watching you in case you get any ideas. I will stop you if you ever even think of going too far.” I twitched involuntarily. “Also, you’re a big fat liar.” I didn’t give him a chance to respond. ~~~ Alushy was trotting around Celestia City, Minna on her back. “Now, kid, you’re old enough for some serious fun.” “I don’t think so,” Minna responded. “See? Mature enough to realize that, means you definitely are.” “Flawed argument.” “Do I look like I care?” “No. Do I look like I care?” The two stared at each other for a moment before engaging in light chuckles. “And here we have the vampire nanny in her natural habitat, cuteness overload.” Alushy’s chuckles stopped short while Minna’s only increased. “You…” Alushy glared. Wendy smirked, putting an ‘innocent’ finger on her face. “Who, me?” “You’re dead.” “I’m pretty sure I’m alive right now. And will keep being alive.” “You don’t get to call my blu-” Wendy activated a teleporter and vanished. Alushy growled. “...She’ll rue this day.” Wendy did not rue the day. Alushy forgot the insult had occurred within an hour. ~~~ It was a quiet day at the Sparkle Census, with Twilights of all sorts milling about, striking up conversations with each other and reading books in the vast libraries. Said quiet was then immediately destroyed by a tear in the fabric of reality as a portal was literally ripped open in the center of the room, with five enormous and heavily armed Orks emerging. All Twilights in the room went still and dead silent as the Orks walked about, grumbling to themselves and pointing their crude yet effective guns at everything. One of the Orks turned towards the largest Ork of the bunch with a dull look on his face. “Uh… Boss,” He said. “Ain’t dis da place wiff all da purple brainy hosses? Yanno, loik da Weirdboyz wiffout da head ‘sploding?” “Yeah, dat’s roight.” The warboss said, munching on a stogie as he oversaw the room. Many of the Twilights flinched under their gazes, not wanting to provoke the big angry aliens with guns. “Well… do youz see any of ‘em?” The Boss moved to speak, but paused as he raised a meaty hand up in contemplation. He looked about the room, staring at nearly a dozen Twilight Sparkles who seemed utterly paralyzed under the brutish alien’s gaze. After his sweep, the Boss turned back to his underling and scratched his chin. “Moight be we jus’ came in when deyz iz out.” The warboss reasoned. “We’ll come back later an’ see if deyz up fer a good krumpin’. LET’S MOVE ‘EM OUT, BOYZ!” The Orks grumbled, dropping their arms and huddling through the portal, only occasionally stopping to punch each other in the head before slipping back through their tear in reality, until all but the warboss remained. Right as he stepped a boot through the portal, one of the Twilights let off a sneeze, causing the big beast to glance about in confusion. Nobody moved for a solid minute before the Ork ultimately shrugged and closed the portal behind him. Thus began a very long string of Ork Invasions on the Sparkle Census that went absolutely nowhere, due to the apparent invisible nature of the Twilights themselves. ~~~ Olivia and Roxy saw the image of a dark, smoky unicorn and a pink-haired fairy looking at a screen. This screen showed Olivia and Roxy looking at a screen of the smoky unicorn and the fairy looking at.. “My brain hurts…” Roxy muttered. Both of them. The human and the fairy. King Sombra looked at the hacker once known as Sombra with a confused look. “What…” Olivia squealed in glee. “The other Sombra’s clipshow!” “Are there others!?” Roxy the fairy asked. “This is foolishness!” King Sombra shouted. And then all the screens switched to new locations. ~~~ I became aware of a pitch-black emptiness all around me. I could feel ground beneath my hooves, and could see myself just fine, but the rest of the universe was completely blank and featureless. I glared at nothing. “What are you doing?” Nothing responded. I continued glaring. “Ponygood, I know you’re writing me,” I said. “And I don’t appreciate it.” My voice didn’t echo, and still nothing responded. I glowered at the darkness. “Didn’t think so. So are you going to torment me with more memes? More Butt the Cloud?” My voice had risen out of anger. “Or maybe Cloud the Butt? I know you were writing that, it doesn’t matter that you deleted it!” Continued silence. I unfurled my wings and stomped a hoof threateningly. “Ponygood, I swear to the Tower, if you force me to deal with even one more stupid meme, I’ll personally hunt down every single version of you and… wait.” I frowned suspiciously at the darkness, realizing that absolutely nothing had popped out of it. “...what are you doing?” Still nothing responded. But then, after a second, a stack of books materialized and thumped to the floor neatly, and I got the impression that I had yet to read any of them. A second later, a heart-shaped box of chocolates appeared next to it. And then a flickering candle next to it, letting out a warm lavender scent. I raised an eyebrow, retracting my wings. “Is this supposed to be an apology?” I didn’t expect anything to respond, but still waited a few polite seconds before continuing. “...I’ll take it, I suppose, but you’re still far from forgiven.” I half-expected the items to turn into clouds when I approached them, but thankfully nothing of the sort happened. All of them remained comfortably solid, and a glance in one of the books showed that it wasn’t just filled with drivel. Satisfied, I settled into a comfortable reading position and- “A little privacy, please?” ~~~ 19 facts. 19 fact one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one 19 fact nineteen: Nineteen nineteen nineteen nineteen nineteen nineteen nine- It appears we are having technical difficulties. Please, direct yourself to the nearest Embodiment Brain Station to have your consciousness rebooted. And please, join us next time when we talk about eggs. ~~~ Trixie had just purchased a small package of peanut butter crackers from a vending machine, and was heading off to the arcade to check up on things. Once in sight of the entrance, she immediately stopped and a scowl crossed her face. “Oh buck no, Trixie is not dealing with this today.” Trixie said. She ate the last of her crackers in a hurry and trotted up to the entrance of the arcade, which currently had been converted into an altar of worship by a bunch of red-robed human cyborgs, chanting in binary code in front of several arcade machines. Trixie levitated a broom over and started batting at the worshippers, rousing them to move. “Out! Out! Trixie thought she told you to stop coming here and doing your creepy cult worship!” One of the worshippers covered his head with a series of mechanical tendrils to prevent himself from being further assailed. “B-b-b-but, the Omnissiah decrees this a holy ground! You can’t just - OW!” Trixie smacked him aside with the broom, shooing off more of the worshippers with other snaps and baps. They soon cleared off, leaving Trixie a moment to rest. “Those Machine Cultists are weirder than weird… Wha-HEY! COME BACK HERE WITH TRIXIE’S TOASTER!” ~~~ A Dark Tower cultist looked up from the Tower’s Testament. “Uh… elder?” “Yes, acolyte?” “If everything that happens is determined by the Tower, and whatever the Tower determines is right, how can we know what wrong is?” The elder blinked. “There isn’t wrong.” “But right is meaningless without wrong… All actions are right!” “That is correct.” The acolyte slapped the elder and ran away cackling. The elder twitched. “Those young people…” ~~~ “Hey, Sans, buddy, pal,” Vriska said, laying her hands on the skeleton’s shoulders and pressing tight. “Remember how you stole my song…?” “uh… not really?” “Heh. Nice try. You’re not the kind to forget things like that.” “right, you got me, i totally know about the song. what exactly do you want me to do about it?” “Nothing. I just wanted to establish that it was a thing that happened.” “why?” Vriska grinned. “Because I’ve got someone else who you stole a song from.” “i don’t remember stealing any other songs.” Vriska stepped to the side, revealing Garnet. The Gem fusion cracked her knuckles. “Hey. Skeleton man.” She pointed at him. “I think I’m stronger than you.” “...well, bone marrow.” “Oh, and that’s not all!” “NYEH HEH HEH!” Skeletor shouted. “YOUR BROTHER HAS DEFAMED MY IMAGE, SANS! I AM HERE TO COLLECT MY DUES!” Sans facepalmed. ~~~ In a rather slow intersection of Celestia City, a man and a woman, both with auburn hair and wearing tan suits from a 1910s Earth, were standing side by side. The man wore a pair of chalkboards over his person in a sandwich vest, with a tally system split between ‘Heads’ and ‘Tails’, while the woman held a silver platter in her hands with a single coin on the center. As of this moment, ‘Heads’ had a leading fifteen tallies over the whopping zero for ‘Tails’. “Seems as slow pickings this time around,” the man said. “Or it could be quick in a matter of moments,” the woman said. “Could be that the transfer has sped your viewing of time further than mine,” he said. “Perhaps it’s the inverse for you, dear Robert, that’s slowed down,” she said. “Could explain that impaired judgement in the experiment.” “You only say that because you think yourself winning, Rosalind.” “Think and know are two very different things.” “I know.” “You know?” “I know.” “You two are having a weird argument.” The man and woman turned from their apparent argument and Minna standing before them, staring with those weird eyes of hers. The man and woman immediately stood at attention and the woman presented the coin-bearing tray. “Heads or tails?” The woman asked. Minna blinked her obvious confusion. “Heads or tails?” “I believe she understood the first time, though perhaps a third to satisfy yourself?” The woman snapped a flat look to the man, who merely shrugged his shoulders in turn. She turned back to Minna, further presenting the coin. “We are conducting a scientific experiment judged by the flip of a coin. If you would be so kind as to lend your contributions to the field of scientific studies and research, it would be greatly appreciated.” Minna took the coin off the tray, giving it a good look from all angles. A simple US Quarter, no odd markings, the face of George Washington and the House of Congress were on the proper sides, didn’t have any weight out of the norm. Seemed like a harmless little thing for science. Minna placed the coin atop her thumb, and gave it a strong flick, sending the coin overhead. While likely they expected the coin to land on the tray, it instead bounced off the tray, rolled along the ground, and slipped between the cracks of a sewer grate. The three stared at the grate for a lengthy amount of time, before the man gave a slight look to his partner. “Well, this new variable throws the whole experiment out the window, does it not?” “Oh, hush, brother of mine.” ~~~ Major Prophet Andrew Hussie found himself standing in a field of roses within the shadow of the Dark Tower. In front of him was a table, reminiscent of many such tables that existed in Friendship Castles. There was one crystal chair with the mark of Space on it - for him. In keeping with the theme, I didn’t use the Eye of Rhyme or my starburst cutie mark for my seat’s symbol: I used the similar swirl of Void. I had my hooves pressed together, glaring at him with an intense power. “Please. Sit.” Hussie, for once in his life, sat down without qualm. “You know, I was expecting this sooner.” “I had to Twilight for a while,” I said, gaze unwavering. “Had a rant. Ate a sandwich. Tossed someone into a bad harem anime universe.” “I’d pay to see that.” “Of course you would,” I sighed. I levitated a small book onto the table, setting it in front of Hussie. It was a black and white book with an image reminiscent of the House Juju on it, the monochromatic colors alternating around a middle divide. The Homestuck Epilogues. “What did you think?” Hussie asked, grinning. “Oh, the writing is good, it carries a significant amount of weight, and it’s a refreshing break from the usual Homestuck antics. It’s somehow totally different, and yet fitting.” I narrowed my eyes. “It’s not the story I have a problem with.” “Ah, thanks for the resounding words of encour-” “WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING!?” I shouted at the top of my lungs, magic power thundering off my hooves as they hit the table. “Do you have any idea what the Seats will do if they find out this exists!?” “Kill everyone?” “YES! That’s exactly it! DEATH EVERYWHERE!” “Psh, you need to calm down - trust me, I’ve got everything under control.” “No you don’t!” I wailed, flipping over to one of the first pages. “Look at this! This… The Gallifreyans were wrong when they made their spell! They didn’t know the nature of the retcon loop didn’t involve the originals! The forced loop won’t work!” Hussie put his hands behind his head and whistled. “You’re one of the strongest Prophets in the multiverse, Hussie, and you just wrote a story that can’t happen anymore! I don’t even want to think of the mess this will cause!” “Having trouble thinking? I can help. Worst case scenario, Seats try to kill everything, Lord English is released because the retcon loop isn’t stable, and the multiverse ends because the heroes can’t deal with Uber-Villain.” “Why can’t you take anything seriously!? They’ll come after you!” “Oh, under the worst case scenario, yes.” Hussie pressed his hands together. “But this won’t be the worst case scenario.” “This is the primary source material directly from the Prophet about a unique multiversal story! How is it not going t-” “Unique?” I blinked. “There’s no other versions of Homestuck, all of them are contained within the story itself as part of the Dream Bubble and English…” My eyes widened. “Wait… The Infinite Loops… that’s so far in the past I can barely see it…” “All of this has happened before, and all of it will happen again.” Hussie stood up and took a dramatic pose. “So, what, the Epilogues happened in a past iteration of Homestuck!? That… that doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen again!” Hussie took out a finger and booped me on the nose. “You’ve already interrupted it. You’re living in something new right now.” I blinked. “...You…” “Meat or Candy? That was the question. You said no.” I wasn’t sure what to say to this. “Naturally, you’ll have to spend a good amount of your effort purging Homestuck Epilogues from the multiverse so the Seats don’t ever find out and light the multiverse on fire… But I’m sure you’re up to it.” I let out a deep sigh filled with more venom than I liked to hear from myself. I quickly decided trying to keep it in wasn’t worth it. “You’re cruel to the characters who lived this, whoever they are. Defining their lives to be like this. It was the end of their story, you could have just let them go.” “Tales of dubious canonicity, Twilence.” “Dubious canonicity my flank!” I shouted. “If there are multiple versions of Homestuck spread across metatime, then naturally all of the outcomes are true! In this one, we interrupted it. But in the past - Infinite Loops, something else, I don’t know - these happened! What was the point?” Hussie shrugged. I realized with no small amount of chagrin he couldn’t answer a question G. M. Blackjack didn’t know the answer to. He knew - he definitely knew - but ka would prevent me from accessing it for the sake of the meta-narrative. “Having trouble in there?” I glared needles at him. “I guess that’s that then.” He raised a hand and snopped his fingers - and was gone. I twitched. This hadn’t gone at all like I had wanted. I could rest easy knowing the multiverse wasn’t about to explode around me, but the… things contained within the offending book still happened. Not to the people I knew. But people who were them. For the first time in a long while, I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to think about this. In many ways, it was arguably a good story. A continuation, in the vein of what I was part of, in a sense. ...It was too close for me to be impartial to. I retreated onto what I knew. Homestuck was a powerful story… And I was going to have to purge the Epilogue from existence… I realized with no small amount of chagrin that I was probably the reason so many people would never get their Epilogue, get it extremely late, or get a version that was nothing like the truth. I laughed bitterly. “For the sake of the multiverse…” I grunted, feeling the screams of a million angry fangirls behind me. ~~~ “So, what do you think?” Roxy’s eyes were filled with stars and she was grinning in glee. “That was the best thing ever.” “Glad you enjoyed.” Olivia turned off the screen. “Now hold still.” “Wha- OW!” Olivia injected something into Roxy’s neck. “What the fuck was that for!?” “Think about it for a moment?” “What do you mean? I don’t know what th-” she blinked. “I know what this is. You just injected knowledge-passing nanobots to me that are actively sowing classified information into my brain. ...Woah.” “And now my job is done. You’re briefed, agent.” “Giorno doesn’t like you doing that.” “Ain’t nothin’ he can do about it.” “He could fire you.” “He won’t,” Olivia chuckled. “Don’t go flaunting it around, we don’t want to turn this place into a hive-mind.” “Gotcha. I shall be the stealth.” “You should be, it’s your job.” Roxy smirked. “And my job is also being smart and figuring things out. Speaking of…” She looked at the ceiling and grinned. “This has been Sombra’s Clipshow Two: Electric Boogaloo!” Olivia gave her a thumbs up. “Brilliant deduction.” “That’s all folks!” Roxy announced.