//------------------------------//
// Creek's Journal (Keywii_Cookies55) 
// Story: Enchorus 
// by GMBlackjack 
//------------------------------//

I don't really expect anyone else to read this, but Mite suggested that I have a place to organize my thoughts. I think it's a good idea, but there isn't really anything on my mind at the moment. I've put it off for too long though, so I suppose this is the time I finally just... begin.

It's been... a very interesting life adventuring with Twilence, Vriska, Rarity, and Mite so far. I've seen so many things, so many different people, and I can't say it's been all good. But I don't regret tagging along. Well, I don't anymore, anyway. I did at first.

It was almost immediately after meeting Vriska for the first time that I had a second thought. I used the portal Sock showed me. (wow, that's a name I haven't heard in a very long time. I wonder if she's doing well) It took a bit of time, an hour I think, but a few of the engineers from the Recursive Organization redialed the portal and we entered the code Twilence gave me. I said my final goodbyes to the world around me. My friends, my coworkers. my son. Everything I had ever known. It's probably why I was so unsettled when I walked through and met Twilence.

The first thing that happened was Vriska gave me a hug. I know it sounds silly that something so small be what sets me off. But I'm that sort of person. I didn't handle it very well and started panicking slightly. In retrospect is wasn't just the hug that overwhelmed me, it was a lot of what was happening. I was entering completely new territory, leaving behind everything I knew, and meeting somebody I'd known for months that had only talked indirectly to me all of a sudden looking directly at me. The tears that stung my eyes were probably a bit much, thinking about it.

I was given space and Twilence introduced me to everyone else in the room, but it was what set the gears of doubt turning in my head. But I didn't really start regretting my decision until that night. Things had calmed down and each of us were given a room to ourselves. I remember thinking at first that the luxury was too much, but the Empress insisted that it was okay, so I accepted. That night though, after all the conversation had died down and we went to sleep... well, I can't say I really got any.

It finally occurred to me that there'd be no going back as I stared at the ceiling. the room was different, the bed was different, even the air smelled different. Every one of my senses was bargaining with me to go back home, to my bed. I probably cried more that night than I ever had in my life.

In the morning Mite was the first to check on me. It was still too early for anyone else to be awake, so we had a long conversation about everything on my mind. I don't remember a lot of it, since it was mostly just emotional rambling and deep philosophy. But I do remember how well he listened to me.

He promised to look out for me that day, and he doesn't really need to anymore, but we still have those conversations. Just last week we had a fun conversation about the implications of copying his personality into hexadecimal and uploading it into an empty shell. I think that no matter what happens, I'll always trust him the most.


~~~


I still miss home some days. With my parents and sister, back when I was a little girl fighting over dolls and holos. I used to really like astronauts, I remember. Suzie Camarillo was my idol.

I was maybe seven years old when I was laying in bed staring up at my ceiling at night. It was covered in more glow in the dark star stickers then any kid's room probably should have been, but I didn't care. I was staring up at the stars and imagining I was like Suzie C.

It didn't matter that she never changed her name, she was my hero. She could go anywhere and do anything. And, as my naive childish self always admired, she didn't have a bedtime.

But, if I'm going to be honest, no matter how fondly I look back on those days, I'm not sure I'd ever return to them if given the chance. It's only been a few years and already I've seen more things then I ever could have imagined. Did you know there's over three hundred thousand different flavours of pie?

My stomach may never forgive me, but my sweet tooth has been in heaven.


~~~


I've been neglecting writing in this journal, and I know Twilence has been bugging me to write my thoughts down more.

I've been wondering lately if I should change my name again. I know it's silly, the others like my name, and so do I, but it doesn't really fit my new lifestyle.

I originally chose 'creek' because there was one where I was growing up that I liked to spend time in, and after my sister died I used to spend a lot of time looking back on those days as my fondest memories. They're quiet and calm, but have the right amount of movement to show that the water is alive.

It was a perfect name, back then. But ever since I joined up with the others, my life has been pretty active. Dangerous, chaotic, and always filled with something to do or run from. Even if most of the time I'm just the diplomatic one.

I wouldn't know what new name to choose though, nothing has really stood out as a good word to describe the person I've become. I'll have to keep an eye out, I suppose.

If I ever come up with a new name, I'll be sure to write it down.


~~~


We still haven't figured out who broke in last night. So in case it was one of us that stole the Cogs, the new safe combination is 3-23 left, 2-47 right, 1-12 left.

Mite knows what material it's made out of and Rarity knows what enchantments are on it to keep it protected.

I don't want to think it's Vriska, but she's been pretty distant about the whole thing. I'm sorry if it isn't you, I know we've been making you angry.


~~~


Ka is an interesting thing to me. At least the way Twilence talks about it anyway. I didn't know what it was when I first became an operator assigned to the Influence, but I spent time looking into it and found out that I didn't like it very much.

It was all just a story to somebody else, written down on paper to entertain people. I don't remember ever thinking about wanting to meet my prophet, not at first anyway. I thought about existence for weeks and came to the conclusion that if god was a human at a desk, then I wasn't interested in meeting him. After all, he was the one that had made me a stuttering wreck of a woman.

Before I started my adventure my thoughts were always changing. Some days I liked it, some days I didn't, and others I wanted to think about other things.

But ever since I started traveling the multiverse I've started liking the idea that it's all a story. Everything is connected in its own way, and even if I'll never fully understand some of the things Twilence sees, I enjoy hearing her talk about them. About her stories, and her visions.

And I'll never tell her, but the way she gets angry at nonsense is very funny. You still can't make a fart joke around her without her left eye twitching at the memories from the Influence.

And, I suppose if I ever met my prophet, I'm not sure I'd thank him, but I'd like to at least talk with him, and learn what sort of person he is. Twilence described not liking his attitude, but that he's a good person.

He can't be any worse than Vriska's though.


~~~


I'm not really sure why, but lately, it seems everyone has been coming to confide in me. It may be due to the fact that I'm always so empathetic and understanding. But I have to be that to do all the negotiations and diplomacy for our team. I never thought it'd lead to being the shoulder to lean on.

I don't mind, of course, it's nice, but it has made me think about what I want. Vriska came to rant, Rarity came to vent, and Twilence, in her own way, wanted to express her feelings to somebody "not important"

I know I'm not supposed to be a part of Song of the Spheres, but it does still sting a little bit to be called unimportant. Even if the intention isn't to hurt me.

Maybe it's weird to think of myself as a confidant because I used to be the mess. The inexperienced member of the team that needed everybody to hold her hand. I've been around for a few years now, so it only makes sense that I'd fill out a role for everyone. One I didn't intend anyway

Maybe I should ask Mite how he handles my problems. He might have the insight that could help me help everyone else.

It's rude to read my journals as I write them Twilence. I want an apology and a visit back to the resort. And a hug, but not as part of the apology, I just want to hug a pony all of a sudden.


~~~


Kiiwii? Is that how you spell your name? I know you're the one writing this. But, well I've been feeling a bit self-conscious lately and I needed to ask you a question.

Why me? That's what I could never figure out. Why was I the one you focused on? You could have just stayed as Key, being your self-insert, but you didn't. You chose me. And I guess I'm just curious why.

I'm skillful now, at diplomacy, at negotiations, and I've even picked up the guitar in my downtime. But back then, during the Influence you made me. A sniveling wreck of a woman who you even described as "Fluttershy, but for robots instead of animals"

I didn't start existing until you, on a whim wrote a new operator for Twilence. And...

I don't even know why I'm writing this, probably because you're making me, but I just wanted to get my thoughts down. And if you're ever able to answer me. I'd certainly appreciate it. I may never meet you, but, well I guess thanks.

It's odd to think you'd never exist if some 20 something didn't want an expy of a cartoon character. But even so, thanks for making me. I kind of like being alive.


~~~


Twilience? Could you please not read this? I'd like to write this privately. Thank you.

Vriska tried to explain troll love to me today. I don't really know what I expected, I could sort of guess it was complicated based on when she'd mention it briefly before. But I wanted to hear from her what it was like.

I suppose I probably should have guessed that it'd be based on playing card suits. She got a good laugh when I asked her if I had any troll romances with anyone we both know.

The answer is no, it seems, which I was relieved about at first, but then I thought about romance in general. It's been so long since I've loved anyone. Only my husband before our divorce and that only ended during my incarceration.

When I first met Twilence I thought I loved her. I later learned though that I'd just built a deep longing for true friendship. After getting to know Vriska and Rarity and especially Mite I know that I was just incredibly lonely.

But... I still feel something for Twilence. I don't know what it is, I'm great friends with my group, and I've made some more casual friends on missions. Carmen is a good example of that. I've come a long way after all.

Still, I may like Twilence, it's still too early to call it love, especially since I'm still not sure it's that myself. And we're not the same species to boot. Plus I never thought I'd be a lesbian.

I need to do some self-discovery before I tell anyone. After all, it's probably weird that a woman in her mid 40's would be learning anything about herself, let alone her sexuality.

I know I could never ruin the friendship, not with a pony anyway. They care about friendship almost like it's a biological function. But I still want to figure myself out.