The train rumbled and shook. A wave of frost washed over one side, blanketing Dan, Rarity and the Doctor as they clung on for dear life. After what seemed like forever, the train finally stopped shaking and resumed its progress.
"WHAT in the HELL was that?!"
"Detonation... weapon of some kind," the Doctor guessed.
Rarity pulled herself up first. "My word... that was like a volcano erupting." She helped the Doctor up, but both of them had to work together to pull Dan up. They didn't find out why until he was back on top of the train.
"Dan, stop picking up the dead bodies!"
"Hey! This is called 'managing the human resource' if you didn't know," Dan countered. "Perfectly good human shields, human hammers, human dynamite lying around, we're not going to let it go to waste."
"Human dynamite...?"
"Besides, I use Twilight as my own personal machine gun all the time, this is not a big deal."
"He did say 'human dynamite' right? I mean, I read that-err, heard that correctly , right?" Doctor asked.
And then Dan's latest human resource started talking. "I'm still alive! My-my name's Phil, Phil Meyers, my parents work for Silph Co.!" the Rocket Grunt pleaded.
"GET OFF ME DOUCHEBAG!"
"AAAHH!" Dan yelled and tossed the man off the train. Unfortunately, he tossed the man off the train and he fell between the cars. The snow under the train ran red for about thirty meters following that point.
Dan painted. Both Rarity and the Doctor held their temples, massaging the stress away with their hooves. Slowly, Dan turned to them, feeling their accusation on his back.
"He touched me. I don't like people touching me. You know that."
"Dan," Doc began with a sigh, "we are going to have to have a long talk. A long, long talk about... something. I don't know what, honestly. But something."
"It won't help," Dan replied.
That was when Doctor Whooves snapped. He rushed Dan, grabbed the human by the sides of his head and screamed into his face as Britishly as possible, "CAN YOU PLEASE STOP BEING VIOLENT FOR FECK'S SAKE!!!?"
Somehow, Dan was standing next to Rarity the very next moment watching the Doctor clutching the unconscious or dead body of a Rocket grunt. "Are you okay, doc?"
Doc double-taked between Dan and the corpse(we're honestly leaving all deaths entirely up to audience decision, meaning yours. Yes, you.) and then dropped it. Then, he dropped to his knees.
"WHY?! WHY HAVE YOU SENT ME HERE?! WHY HERE?!!! WHY HIM?!?!" Doctor Whooves asked the heavens. Yeah, he's really not himself right now, if we had to state that again. But, regardless of the Doctor's current state, the heavens answered him.
A streak of red burned the sky. Before it could be seen even breaking the clouds, the ground behind the train erupted in an explosion of bright crimson that rapidly expanded outward to consume the horizon. A wall of white vapor and earth rushed towards the rear of the train. Reacting on instinct, Rarity grabbed Dan and Doctor and ducked, holding both of them to her and casting a shield around the three of them.
Again, the train shook like an earthquake was happening right beneath it. Bits of snow and dirt pelted the train and Rarity's shield.
"Okay. What in the hell keeps doing that?" Dan asked. "And how do I get one?"
"It's Barro's cannon. Rice is forcing him to use it against, well, everything by holding Michael and the others hostage," Rarity said.
Dan looked between Doctor and Rarity. "I thought it could only shoot down things in space!"
"Technically, the planet is IN space."
"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN."
Doctor Whooves rubbed his ear. "Volume. And it's obvious he can shoot things on the ground as well, that's not important. What IS important is stopping him."
Dan was about to reprimand Whooves, even hand his reprimanding finger pointing directly under the pony's chin along with his reprimanding scowl armed and ready, but then said, "Now we're on the same page. And in fact, I have a plan to deal with this exact problem."
"Bit premature to be discussing how to-" Rarity began but was interrupted by the Doctor.
"A plan? A plan for what?"
Dan folded his arms. "Everything. You name it."
Whooves shook his head. "No no no no no. You have a plan for shooting down Barro's spacecraft."
Dan smiled. "Yes, I do."
"While we're on a train?"
"Yep."
"On Equestria."
"Yeah-huh."
"And he's in space."
Dan nodded. "Eeyep. Miss you, Big Mac."
The Doctor shook his head in disbelief. "A ship in orbit armed with a gun that can shoot anything, that can shoot through anything, that can destroy and has destroyed literally everything that's been sent up after it, piloted by a man whose job is literally to know everything before everyone else and somehow YOU have a way to stop him."
Dan just smiled about the brightest, most chipper smile he'd ever smiled at the Doctor for about a minute and then said, "Yes. Yes, I do."
Whooves would have pinched his brow had he the means. "Right. Right right right, OF COURSE you do."
"No, really. I-"
"But don't you think it's at LEAST a bit prudent to worry about it later?"
Dan shrugged. "I'm a multi-task miracle worker. I like to work more than one problem at once. Like fixing my car and simultaneously getting revenge on the dweebs at the gas station."
"Alright. Alright, fine. But you can't do anything on this train."
Dan raised a hand. "Actually-"
"No. Train first, then plan."
"Plan involves train."
"What."
"Plan involves the train, Doctor."
Again, Whooves moved to pinch his forehead and was unable to. Because hooves. "It can't possibly involve this train."
"You wanna hear it?"
"No."
"Okay, first we take the train-"
"NO."
"We're going to need a pickaxe, duct tape, a flamethrower, two shovels-" Dan began to list. But Doctor Whooves continued onward, trying not to listen to him. Trying very hard, mostly failing not to listen to him.
Dan was simply the master of plans. Especially revenge plans, which definitely qualified. Unbeknownst to Dan, the first shot Barro had fired that hit the surface had destroyed the Pone Depot.
"How the hell can you sweat when it's this cold?"
"Quiet," Payne snapped. "Just do your job."
A female Rocket grunt was operating the radio. She set her headset down to turn to Writhe N. Payne. "The second blast was the Tesco. It's gone. Proton and his guys are breaking off."
"What about us? Are uh... we're not a target, a-are we?" Payne asked squeamishly.
"How 'bout I just ask Barro on the radio if he's planning on shooting us?"
Payne's eyes went wide behind his glasses. "C-can you do that?! Do-do you think he'll answer?"
Another grunt leaned in next to her. "You're sure this guy's paying us?"
"We have another problem!" One of the Grunts opened the cabin door and yelled. "Dan's thrashed all our guys on the other cars!"
Payne shivered. "How close is he?!"
The Grunt was about to answer when Dan's hand reached in, grabbed him by the throat and yanked him out.