Chapter Five
Balancing Act
I pluck the brush from my hoof and dry off the best I can. Trying to squeegee my mane and tail with my ankles is a chore, but seeing that Twilight is in a foul mood as it is? It’s worth not seeing her explode over the fact that I would drip water everywhere. I then attempt to shake some of myself dry. Though, this is kind of a futile act and proves to be near hazardous to the health of the bathtub. Note to self. Don’t kick your hooves in the bathtub. Last thing I need is Twilight yelling at me for shattered porcelain. I nab the towel in my mouth and attempt to wrap it around my hoof. Not an easy task, but it sorta works.
“Just think positive, H.B.” I roll my eyes. “If you do this more often, you’ll get better at it.” I shouldn’t beat up on myself. For my first time showering alone, it was pretty decent. It felt really good and I smell a lot better. There is still a faint horse smell that clings to me, but that is masked more by the minty shampoo that Twilight bought. Getting my upper side dry is easy enough, but my lower side and tail are proving to be a struggle. You wouldn’t think that, but hey, hooves aren’t hands and hands aren’t hooves.
Satisfied with myself, I try walking over to the fogged up mirror, towel still wrapping my right hoof. Alright,you’ve seen this done on the show, three hoofed walking should be a- “Yipe!” I forgot that I’m trying this three hoofed for a moment and using my toweled appendage. The much expected results happen. I slip and fall, with my face smacking on the tile floor. Thankfully, it’s a hard smacking sound that isn’t accompanied by any cracking sounds. Still. it’s enough to knock me off my bearings for a little bit. I shake my head to clear any pretty fluttery lights I might be seeing and pull myself up to the bathroom counter. The mirror is, like I said, fogged up. I push myself forward and up, then reach and clear the mirror of its mist.
“Ha. Ponies in the mist..” I muse to myself. When the mirror is cleared, it isn’t Jane Goodall that I am greeted with, but with an unpleasant surprise. Yeah, it’s me in the mirror, that pony version of me. But another image seems to superimpose itself over that image - that of my mother. It’s the fucking mane.
My mother is a short, mostly Italian-French woman with brown curly hair. Despite the fact that I am now currently of a different species, if we were standing side by side, you could tell that we’re related. Hell, if we were standing side by side, her and I would be doing something that we almost never do: Almost seeing eye to eye. I grimace at the image and wipe the mirror further. “You are not your mother, H.B.,” I eye the reflection looking back at me. “Even if you did get her eyes and hair.” I try to dry myself off further. Everything is still pretty damp and again, I don’t want to get water everywhere when I come out of the bathroom.
I sigh. While the shower has brought me some comfort, going downstairs promises to do the opposite. Twilight’s lack of emotion in this matter has me worried. It means that I have become predictable. And if I am becoming predictable, then this is ‘normal’ for me. She expects it of me. I don’t want to be a Gilda. I want to be just plain, nice, normal me. The me that laughs at jokes, the me that fights crying at sappy things, the me that isn’t afraid.
Looking at the mirror, I give myself one last pat drying. “Alright, H.B., time to face whatever music there is downstairs."
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Spike looked at Twilight. She was seated at the table tapping her hoof. Her expression was very un-Twilight like. In front of him was a list that she had him take. There were only a few things on the list. He looked at them.
“Is there anything else you would like to add to this list, Twilight?” he asked.
She rolled her eyes. “I would want to say, ‘Tell us about where you are from and what you were,’ but I get the impression that even if those two things were on the list, she would be tight lipped and just leave.”
Spike blinked. “Do you think she would really do that, Twi?”
“I don’t know, Spike,” Twilight responded. “Her behavior is getting unpredictably predictable.”
The little dragon looked utterly confused at Twilight’s assessment of Heartbreak. “What?”
“What I mean is that if there is one thing that we can predict about Heartbreak, it’s that we don’t know how she will react to something until we bring her into the situation, or until it is too late.” Twilight sighed.
Spike frowned. “She’s only been here for a month, Twilight.”
“Yes, and in that time what has she done?” Twilight asked.
“Worked really hard at cleaning up the library?” Spike replied.
“Well, yes, but I was hoping that-” Twilight’s ears perked up and turned into the direction of the stairs. Heartbreak was at the top and turning herself around to climb down them.
“Don’t stop talking on my account,” she said rather quietly. “I am sure that this conversation was just the thing of legends.” she sighed and carefully crept backwards.
“You took quite a while in the shower, Heartbreak,” Twilight said, making it a point to use her actual name.
Heartbreak shuddered and grimaced. Twilight could tell that she was fighting to not outright glare at her, as she was biting her lip. “I-i-it’s a lot harder to wash and dry myself off, and I didn’t want to get water everywhere.”
“Which, if you didn’t have an issue with it, I could have helped you with,” Twilight said curtly.
Heartbreak just sighed and rolled her eyes while sitting at the table. Her head was lowered and she didn’t look like she was going to enjoy any of what was to come. “How about we have that ‘serious talk.’ I want to see if I can try to take a chunk of any of the mess I made upstairs tonight. Just cleaning and doing practically nothing else is starting to get to me. And finishing that would be a weight off my mind.”
Twilight looked at Heartbreak with disapproval. “Very well. Like I told you, I had a talk with Lyra and Bon-Bon on the way back to the library. Lyra had some rather interesting things to say about you.”
Heartbreak sighed. “Such as?”
“Such as the fact that you acted pretty rudely to her when she got the books down from the shelf for you,” Twilight replied. “And then you practically shoved them out of the library!”
Heartbreak frowned. “I did not shove them out. I pointed them out. And did she tell you the part where she dropped, not one but three books on my head!?”
“Well, yes,” Twilight began. “She told me that she saw a spider and it scared her.”
“Sure she did. I am also feeling a, ‘yes, but, Heartbreak,’ coming on.” she replied.
Twilight sighed and continued. “Yes, but, you could have acted a lot better in the situation.” Heartbreak rolled her eyes and then bit her lip, as not to say something. “Something you would like to share with the rest of the class, H.B.?”
Heartbreak’s eyes turned down and she lowered her head to the table. “Not that I am comfortable with sharing, Twilight.” Twilight gave her the ‘we have all day’ look. “Fiiiiiiiiine.” Heartbreak put her hooves over her face. “I was about to say, ‘it could have gone a lot worse.’ But when I say that, it sounds exactly like my mother.” Her face twitched a bit and her hooves nervously ran through her mane.
“What’s wrong with that?” Spike asked.
“What’s wrong with it is a two part thing. One, I don’t want to turn into my mother.” The both of them looked at Heartbreak blankly. She turned away. “Let’s just say that I don’t like my mother. We don’t get along, her and I. And secondly, it sounds like I am trying to allude to the idea that I wanted to make it worse than it was.” Heartbreak sighed.
Twilight looked at Heartbreak. “If it helps any, it didn’t sound like you were wanting to make it worse, H.B.” Heartbreak smiled back weakly. “However, this sort of behavior can’t continue. This is a library, and ponies will come and go. Please try to be nice and/or helpful to the patrons.”
Heartbreak frowned over her hooves. “Yeah, that reminds me, thanks for letting me know that library was reopening today.” Her words practically dripped with sarcasm.
Spike jumped in preemptively to defuse any hostility. “To be fair, Twilight didn’t plan on reopening the library today. Lyra and Bon-Bon were nearby when Twilight was having a conversation with another pony named Star Catcher about when the library was going to reopen.”
“Yes. And I told Star Catcher, ‘If progress goes as it is, maybe sometime later today, or tomorrow.’ Lyra must have overheard and misunderstood me,” Twilight said.
Heartbreak recovered her face. “Oh. Well. That explains that.”
“And?” Twilight asked.
“And what? There was a misunderstanding somewhere, and I misappropriated blame where none was needed?” Heartbreak replied.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Nevermind. Let’s get to the other two rules. The second thing I wanted to talk to you about is something that you actually just did. And for that I am rather pleased.”
“What? Shower?” Heartbreak asked.
“Yeah,” Spike replied, checking off two boxes
“Because seriously,” Twilight began.
“I know, I wasn’t smelling like a bucket of roses,” Heartbreak sighed. “I used to shower at least everyday before all,” Heartbreak paused and threw her hooves up. “This. I couldn’t stand the smell of myself and I didn’t like to oppress others with it.” she looked up at Twilight. “And even though I did accomplish one letter to the Princess, I’m still in a funk.”
“Funk?” Spike asked.
Heartbreak sighed a little. “Yeah, depressed.”
“So, your funk makes you smell funky?” Spike asks with a slight smirk on his face. He was only met back with a grimace from Heartbreak’s face. “Hey, I’m just trying to lighten things up.”
“You’re still depressed?” Twilight asked.
“Twilight, depression doesn’t just ‘go away’ because you get a place to live, accomplish something, get ponies who want to call you fffriend or because of a joke.” she eyed Spike. “A pretty lame joke, I might add.” Spike rolled his eyes. “It lingers and clings.”
“Yes, I know, H.B.” Twilight looked at her sympathetically. “But, all those things you just listed can help you fight through it. And that does bring us to the third thing that is on my checklist.”
Heartbreak took a deep breath. “You certainly like your checklists.”
Twilight cleared her throat. “Learning to use your hooves. Have you made any attempts to using your hooves? And I don’t just mean the hole in your hoof.” Her eyes glanced at Heartbreak’s hoof, an unsettled expression passed over her face.
“Not as much as I am sure you would have liked me to,” Heartbreak muttered. “Not that you have been here helping me...”
Twilight blinked. “I have been here more than enough for you to ask me for help!” Twilight protested.
Heartbreak gave her a deadpanned look. “Really, Twilight? ‘Cause I remember most of last month going something to the tune of: Morning, wake up, eat breakfast, work on cleaning the library. You and Spike go out for the day. I progress on cleaning the library, take a few breaks, keep cleaning the library, and then you two come back to the library in time for dinner.” her back hoof tapped on the floor. “What’s more, It’s not like I can leave the library! Last week you were keeping a spell on the door so I couldn’t open it even if I tried!”
Twilight frowned. “We do have lives outside of you, Heartbreak.”
Heartbreak rolled her eyes. “I know that, Twilight! I really do! In fact, I like the fact that you have lives outside of me!” she crossed her arms and looked down. “It makes me feel like I am not a Mary Sue...”
“Huh?” Spike asked.
“What do you mean, H.B.?” Twilight asked.
“It’s...” Heartbreak grimaced. “I don’t want to be all consuming to all your lives.” she rubbed her face. “Which isn’t to say that I want to be left alone all the time. Geez, that must sound awfully confusing. It’s just...”
“It’s just what?” Twilight asked, cautiously. After all, this was a rare moment. H.B. seemed to be opening up a bit more.
“It’s just that it feels like you’re avoiding me! You and Spike get to go out, and I’m stuck here. By the time you get back, the day is almost over and I am out of energy to even ask how I am meant to operate these things.” she held up her hooves. “Good Gaia, I must sound like a fffffe-e-et,” her face cringed and twisted up. “A broken record.”
Twilight walked over and put a hoof on Heartbreak’s shoulder. “I do admit, I haven’t been around as often as I could be. But like I said before, if you need help, just ask.”
Heartbreak looked at Twilight from the corner of her eye. “Well?”
“Well, are you going to show me how to use these clunky bricks at the end of my arms?” Heartbreak asked.
Twilight rolled her eyes. No apologies. No, ‘you’re right, Twilight, I’m sorry I was acting like such a bratty filly!.’ “Then again the shock of her actually acting like a pony might cause the both of us to have heart attacks.” “Well seeing that I am here, and that there is still plenty of day left to work with? I guess I could help you.”
Heartbreak took a deep breath and held up both hooves in the air. “Where do we start, oh great pony teacher of mine?”
Twilight looked thoughtful. “How about we start with the basics. Balancing objects on the bottom of your hoof.”