Sometimes I have to wonder why I bother putting myself at risk like this sometimes. I could have just found a nice place to settle down and live out the rest of my days peacefully. Instead I continue running around, having zero clues about what I’m doing and what I’m supposed to be doing. And to make it worse, I’m dragging other ponies along who have done nothing wrong aside from be associated with me. I’ve pretty much just become a transdimensional drifter, wandering from world to world trying to stay ahead of those that seem to have a crazy grudge against me.
I’ve avoided getting captured pretty well up until now, but my luck seems to be running out. That chick knocked me out without so much as a hello. Quite rude of her, really. All I wanted to do was talk to her, get to know her side, and come up with a plan to give Weaver and James a big slice of humble pie. Then again, what could I really do against them?
“Nothing, it would be suicide to fight them as you are now.” A voice in the back of my mind said. Or… wait.
It occured to me that my eyes were closed, and I could open them. So I did. And I saw a… bar? No, seriously, it looked like a bar. Straight outta some medieval or fantasy land. Wooden floors, walls, tables, counters… though the seats were nice and plush. I should know, as I found myself sitting on one, at one of the tables. They were set up like restaurant booths too.
Another pony sat opposite me, looking down at a menu with a very bored expression. She was almost unbearably pink, though not as much as Pinkie. And was that… strawberries I smelled? She glanced up at me, smirked, and pointed at the table in front of me. “You gonna keep staring at me or you gonna order something. I’m not on the menu.”
I-what? I wasn’t staring! Still, I quickly turned away from her, feeling heat in my cheeks. Then I glanced down at the table. There was another menu sitting there, so I picked it up and opened it, hoping to hide my face. I only got a giggle in response from the mare. “So, uh… Where am I exactly?” I asked.
“Oh, you got put into a magically induced sleep and now you’re dreaming. I just thought I’d pop in and offer you some advice. Now you gonna order or what? I don’t got all night.” Fine, fine. I looked through the menu and picked out a chicken and potato chowder. “Ah, nice choice. And perfect timing, our waitress is here.”
I turned and saw a dark blue pegasus mare walk over, dressed head to hoof in a maid uniform. “Hey, have you decided yet?” She asked. Somehow, she looked familiar...
“Yeah. I’ll have my usual, and the guest gets the chowder special.” The pink mare said, handing over our menus. She nodded and walked out.
“So what was with the outfit? This a maid cafe or something?” I asked.
That got a laugh out of her. “No, it’s just what she wears. It helps her think clearly.” She paused, grinning at me. “Though if you want, you can try one on too.”
The heat instantly returned to my face. “Th-that’s not what I-I don’t want to wear-”
Her laughter cut me off. “Oh don’t worry, I’m sure we can spare an outfit for you. They’re not my thing, but I’m sure you’ll love it.”
“Don’t even try it. The last thing I need is another identity crisis.” What was even with ponies wanting me in a maid outfit lately? Am I being punked by the universe?
She shrugged. “Eh, you’ll get used to it. I did.”
“What?”
She waved me off. “Eh. That’s a story for another day. But silly me, I haven’t introduced myself to you yet. I always forget that when dealing with alternate Sunnies,” she held out a hoof, “Strawberry Breeze, transdimensional scout and top-notch assassin.”
I shook her hoof. “I’m going to forget that, most likely. Sunshine, drifter I guess…”
Strawberry chuckled. “We call your type a Traveler. I guess drifter works too.”
“You with that other group? What was their name called again…?” Names escape me too easily.
“Calcutta? Pfft, such a silly name. No, not anymore. We’re a splinter group, with a little longer name: The Eques-verse Defense Bureau. Our goal is just the protection of those in our little section of the multiverse, rather than the whole thing. Easier that way.” The waitress came by some glasses of water, apologized for how late she was getting these to us, and left.
I took this opportunity to take a sip of water. “Why are you telling me all this? Isn’t this sort of thing classified?”
Strawberry shook her head. “Not to you, since you’ve been in contact with other groups. You get the privilege of knowing. You also deserve to know that Calcutta has stopped buying you time to get home, so you can’t go back.”
The spit take left my mouth before I could stop it. “WHAT!? What do you mean I can’t go back? I’ve been thrown all over the place, just trying to get home again. Now you’re telling me all the shit I’ve been through is for nothing?”
“You were deemed a low-priority asset, and so instead of a temporary replacement, they made it permanent. More efficient that way. Luna wasn’t happy with that decision either, but since Calcutta ditched the Eques-verse, they’ve phased out support missions involving Equestrian Travelers entirely. Now the EDB is left with picking up the slack.”
“Well that’s fucking bullshit. Do they not care?”
“Nope, but we do. That’s why we’ve broken our silence and come to you directly. We want to help. Well that and it seems your method of travel is quite inefficient and dangerous. Your pal Starry nearly got herself killed investigating the rift that was left behind after your last jump.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah, she should be fine in a day or two, and will be along to find you. But enough about that, I’m here to try and help you find your place in the multiverse. And it starts with your magic.” The waitress finally came by and delivered our meals. “For now, we’ll eat, then I can start putting you through some training exercises.”
“Training exercises? Like what?” I asked as I started eating the soup. It was good soup.
“What can you do with the magic you’ve been given? Lemme fix that, what have you already done?”
“Well… I made a dome shield, a sword, and I did a solarbeam…” I counted off the things I could remember doing at least.
“Okay, so you’re about where my Sunny was when she started her training. Alright then, it’s simple. We’ll run you through a year of basic training, a few years in some prestigious combat schools across the multiverse, and you’ll end up a pro in no time.”
I gave her a firm glare. “Yeah, how about no? I’m not doing that.”
Strawberry shrugged. “Well fine then. How about just a few classes on some of the cooler tricks you can do then? Maybe work on efficiency, get you moving faster, controlling your attacks better. What you’ve been doing so far is just down to instincts pre-planted within you.”
“How do you know so much anyway?” I asked, taking another spoonful of soup. It was about half done.
She just grinned at me knowingly. “Figure that one out for yourself. It’s not hard.”
Grumbling, I finished my soup. “Okay, then maybe you can answer this. Why do you care what happens to me - to us? We’re not exactly significant.”
“That’s likely true, but we’ve been doing this for a very long time. Sometimes we get bored and decide to play chessmaster, and sometimes we just want to help Travelers find their place in this grand cosmic ocean.” Strawberry reached out a hoof. “So how about it? Wanna find your place? Maybe even your destiny if you really believe in that?”
I looked down at my empty bowl, then back up at Strawberry, then down at her hoof. “I dunno… I’ll need some time to think it over…”
She smiled at me and retracted her hoof. “Take all the time you need. We’ve got eyes and ears on you, so if need be we can talk again anytime. Your friends will be along in a couple days too, and we can pass on a safer method of travel then. From there, the multiverse will be yours to explore as you see fit.”
I smiled back. “Thank you. I may not be able to go home, but…” Something about this opportunity fills me with emotion. Anticipation? Excitement? Not quite… “I’ll make the best of it.”
“See that you do.” She turned to the waitress, who had just returned. “Well it seems our time is up. Remember, please don’t try anything stupid. I can’t save you every time you fuck up. Moongleam, cut the dream link. Wake her up.” The wait-Moonlgeam nodded and she booped my snoot with her hoof. Everything went black for a moment as I found myself losing consciousness again.
When I opened my eyes again, I found myself lying on a cold stone floor, looking at a stone cold bitch. She was sitting on her bed, the crossbow was still in her hands, and she grinned when she noticed me. “Well hey there. Feeling comfortable?” She asked in a very teasing tone.
I was gonna sit up and answer, but I found I couldn’t move my legs. Or my head. Or really anything else. “C-could be better…” I managed to squeak out.
“Good.” She stood up and approached me, sitting in front of me. “I gotta admit, you’re a lot more tenacious than most hunting parties. The rest get scared off.”
“Well first, I’m not a hunting party. Second, everyone else must be a total moron, because it wasn’t hard at all to get here.”
She glared off to the left. “Tch. Those kids really botched this one.” She stood up again and went out of sight. “What about you? You’ve been quiet so far.” She asked someone apparently off to the side.
“I-I dunno… I don’t think I should get involved.” The offscreen character meekly replied. That voice did sound familiar though. Where have I heard it…
The girl sighed. “Ya know, I expected more from you. I hoped you’d be able to match that asshole who ruined my life, given you’re also one of those winged unicorns.”
Winged unicorns? You mean… “Cough Drop, that you over there?”
There was a short period of silence before a familiar yellow pony shuffled into view, her previously poofy orange mane now looking scragglier than mine. “It’s, um… It’s Lemon Drop…” She mumbled, not even making eye contact with me, preferring to look at her own hooves.
I was gonna make another snarky comment, but I took a moment to examine just how pathetic she looked. She must have realized it and flinched away. In the end, there was no snark, only confusion. “I’m… bad with names… Sorry.” She didn’t respond, but she shuffled a hoof in way not too different from how I would imagine Fluttershy would do it. “What happened to you? Last night-”
That got a response. “I don’t know!” She snapped, turning back towards me. “My thoughts were a jumbled mess. Whatever she did to me… It drove me mad. I never wanted to…” She trailed off, so I picked up from there.
“Rule over Earth with an iron hoof? Make me into your little plaything?” There was no malice in my voice, but she recoiled as if I punched her.
“I wasn’t thinking clearly! But then when the Elements were used on me, suddenly my thoughts cleared and I saw everything that I had done, that I had wanted to do…”
“Geez,” the girl had been sitting on the bed, listening to our chat, and finally spoke up, “I thought I had it bad. That’s fucked up.”
“Yeah, it is…” Lemon’s horn glowed and whatever was keeping me bound loosened, letting me move again. “Sunshine, I… I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but can I at least try to make it up to you? Who I was last night… That isn’t me.”
I chuckled. “I think that’s blatantly obvious. Don’t worry, I forgive you.”
“Wait, you do?” Lemon turned sharply to face me, bewildered. “Just like that?”
I nodded. “Just like that. I don’t hold a grudge. Grandma taught me not to hate when it’s better to love. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t love my enemies. But it’s not like I hate them. Except maybe Celestia. And Weaver.”
“Weaver?”
“Some kind of demigod or something in this world. Warps reality through the guise of storytelling. Brainwashed Ceru and Charcoal into going with that prick James. Nearly did the same to me.”
“So that’s how this all happened!” The girl stood up slamming the crossbow on the bed in anger. “I can’t believe that fuck used a god to summon me here just to make my life hell! He called our kind evil! Can you believe it? Made me into a monster in these ponies’ eyes and forced me into hiding!”
“Talk about the ultimate petty revenge.” I quipped.
“Hey, watch it bubblegum. I can still put a bolt through your ass.”
“Actually,” I summoned a small dome shield around me, just to show off, “you can’t.”
“Huh… Cool party trick.” She picked up the crossbow and calmly shot at the shield, which blocked the bolt. “You got any others?”
“A few.” I answered. “Not enough to fight against James. Not yet at least.”
“You want to… fight James? Have you seen what he’s done to those who cross him?” She loaded another bolt into the crossbow and set it down. “Whatever this Weaver guy gave him, it’s way too overpowered.”
“Yes, but if we can beat him, we can break whatever spell has been placed over Ponyville, making all the mares fall for him. Maybe you could even get home.”
She seemed to mull it over for a bit. “Fine… But we’ll need a plan. A good one.”
“What about you Lemon? You willing to help out? We could always use an alicorn on our side. Then after this, maybe we can start fresh. Put the weird megalomania behind us.”
Lemon nodded. “I dunno if I can actually stand up to him, but I’m in.”
“Great, as for you...” I turned to the girl. “I never got your name.”
“Oh, um, Jesse. It’s Jesse.”
“Huh. Fitting.” I shook my head. “Whatever, we need to come up with some sort of plan to get to Weaver… Any ideas?”
Silence.
“This is gonna be a long day…”