Horse Play

by Alden MacManx


Chapter Thirteen

A glow started at the bows of the battlestarship with the magic-killer. As it brightened, something inexplicable to many appeared on the monitor. Equestria’s moon smashed its way through the formation, destroying all the ships except the two battlestarships, and they were set spinning, losing focus on the planet. Less than a minute later, Equestria’s orbiting sun followed, prominences reaching out and striking both battlestarships, reducing the massive ships to vapor.

After both the sun and moon returned to their previous positions, total silence reigned over the commlinks for a good two minutes before everyone started talking at once. The Hurin’s comm officer, George Jurgens, tolerated the babble for thirty seconds or so before yanking out his earpiece, staring at it in disgust. “Really, people, a little discipline!” he snorted before putting the piece in his other ear and began working to restore order on the comms, aided by some of the other comm officers.

“Fleet command to Hurin Tascheter,” came over the command frequency, piped direct to the Captain’s comm unit.

“This is Tascheter. Go ahead, Command,” Jamie answered.

Tascheter, go ahead and investigate the Ratzi command ship. Fine tooth it as best you can, and have the Equestrians help in questioning the Level-One aboard. We want him alive and talking,” Admiral Chambers ordered from his command post aboard the Gilgamesh.

“Will do, Command. On it. Tascheter out,” Jamie said, breaking the contact while looking at his pilot. “Ms. Martens, get us to the Ratzi command ship. Stutter-step.”

The willowy Gharlesh with shiny lead-colored hair answered briskly, “Stutter-step to the command ship, aye,” before plotting the course to the disabled command ship. Getting a fix on it and the ship that was holding it under traction, she flickered the stardrive under minimal power, bringing the cruiser to the desired location in about fifteen seconds, a procedure referred to as ‘stutter-stepping’. Doing so to a specific target takes a skilled hand at the flight controls to do it successfully, unlike coming into a system, where distance from target was more desired than going to a specific point.

“Mister Seiryuu, Mister Sardon, assemble an Away Team to check out the command ship. Advise Medical and the Equestrians. Sardon, go after the moletronic memory cores, Mister Seiryuu, go for the level-one. Twenty minutes. Go.” Captain Somers ordered.

The human and Sasquatch stood up from their stations. “Will do, Captain!” they almost chorused, Seiryuu saluting, before leaving the Bridge. A Sciences subordinate sat behind Sardon’s console, while Lieutenant Commander M’Ranx got into the XO’s seat.

“Just like old times, Master Chief,” Jamie said quietly.

“Not quite, Captain. Before, I was in your seat, and you were aboard the Gilgamesh. Still, I like what we’re about to do,” the old Baastari said quietly in return, examining the XO’s displays. “Just hope the kid can handle it.”

“If I didn’t think he could, he would not be leading the team, Master Chief.”



Fifteen minutes later, Commander Seiryuu’s team Teltransed aboard the Ratzi ship, Princess Twilight, Rarity and Spike in tow along with Doctor Harris and an orderly. All were wearing their standard ship uniforms, which will provide life support for up to an hour, if needed. The space they materialized in was some sort of mess hall, several Ratzis drifting around the compartment, the ship being under zero-gee, emergency lights on.

“So, this is what a Ratzi looks like,” Twilight said, looking at one of them. The creature was bipedal, not quite as tall as Commander Seiryuu, with the head of a rat and a long ratlike tail. The creature’s snout and head had a coat of black fur on it, its eyes open, but vacant.

Commander Seiryuu looked around at the other Ratzis drifting aimlessly in the compartment. “Level nines, all of them, except that one. That’s a level seven,” he said, shining a light in the seven’s direction.

“How can you tell the difference, sir?” Spike asked.

Commander Seiryuu pointed at the seven’s face. “Look here, Spike. See how the snout of this one is white back to the second set of whiskers? That’s how we can tell.”

Doctor Harris picked up the lecture. “The Ratzis reproduce by flash-cloning and programming. Level nines are black all the way to the tip of their snouts, eights have a white nose, sevens have more white on their heads, and so on. The highest we have studied, a level four, is white back to the ears.”

As Spike nodded in understanding, Commander Seiryuu asked, “Where is the level one, Lee?”

Doctor Harris checked his scanner. “This way,” he said, indicating the door to the compartment, “then left two doors.”

“Let’s get this done,” Commander Seiryuu said, kicking off in that direction, the others following, Twilight pulling Rarity gently with her telekinesis.

“Thank you, Twilight,” Rarity said, her voice unruffled. “This is definitely odd, flying without wings. Hard to get going the way you are used to!”

“Zero gravity, Miss Rarity,” Lee said. “It does take some training to get used to.”

The group came to a rather ragged halt outside the door Lee had indicated. “He’s in there. His life readings are markedly different than the others,” he said, passing his scanner to the orderly. “Let me get this door open.”

Lee found the emergency door override crank, braced himself, and started cranking. The door protested, creaking and groaning as it slowly slid open on its tracks. Vampires ARE stronger than they appear to be, compared to a normal human. Inside, the room was almost filled with some sort of esoteric equipment, leading to a chair where the level one Ratzi sat. This Ratzi was the same size as the others, but instead of being black furred with white head markings, this one was white all over, with a head that was a bit bigger than the others. The Ratzi was unconscious, slumped over some, with an expression on his face that everyone took to be pain, lips curled back to reveal some small pointed teeth on the jaws.

“I’m going to call this in to the Captain. See if you can get it free of those straps. We’re taking this one back for examination,” Commander Seiryuu said as he drifted out of the compartment.

Lee Harris took the scanner back from his orderly and checked out the Ratzi. “He’s still alive, but he has suffered some sort of telepathic trauma. Thing is, Ratzis are not telepathic,” he said, sounding confused.

Twilight had been looking over the equipment in the room. “That’s what I think this gear is for. Those two long things, pointing to the Ratzi’s head, could be some sort of telepathic transceiver. I could be wrong, but I would love to examine all this!” she said, hooves and wingtips fluttering in eager anticipation of days and days of research.

Spike let out a groan. “Oh, no, here we go again…”



Over the next four days, the combined fleets did a cleanup of the battle zones, stripping the ships of all forms of records, and moving the survivors to Equestria. Research showed the Ratzis had a lot in common with changeling drones, so the Queens of the Changeling Hives were brought in to consult. It did take some effort on the parts of the queens and princesses to establish control of the surviving Ratzi lower echelons. Up to the level fives, once control was established, the Ratzis were like very dumb drones, constantly needing guidance. Level fours and up had more volition, more will, and resisted domination by an alien force. None of them survived the attempts.

The level one was moved groundside to a hospital for examination. He did show signs of what is called ‘brain burn’, but he did not yet wake up. Mind probing showed a rather sophisticated mind shield in place, one the ISA psychotechs were hesitant to try to bore through. So, the ISA teams continued to observe him, not trying to wake him up.

During that time, Twilight Sparkle was in the state that can be called ‘hog heaven’, blissfully digging in to the mysteries of the complicated machine the level one was seated in. She worked with the ISA scientists, carefully digging in to the guts of the machine, learning what it did and how it did it. That lasted for three days before the ISA team, in desperation, appealed to Princess Celestia, through channels, to get her to SLOW DOWN. That goal was achieved by Celestia summoning Twilight to Canterlot for a progress report. When she arrived, Celestia hit her with a sleep spell. While Twilight slept, Celestia sent a suggestion to the science team that they switch the portable coffee maker to something that has much less caffeine than the blend they are currently using.

When Twilight woke up, she was persuaded to give a report to the assembled ISA representatives about her findings. Her report backed up the ISA scientists and technicians, that the device was some sort of psionic amplifier, but where it connected to was purely speculation at this time.

As research and investigations continued, Admiral Chambers decided to return the Combined Fleet to port, bringing along a delegation from Equestria to present their credentials to the ISA general assembly and High Council, currently led by High Chancellor Robedlea, a leading politician and military leader from the planet Sixtus, whose inhabitants resembled humans, but the ‘dominant class’ had six fingers on each hand, while the ‘subordinate class’ had only five.

He left the Gilgamesh in the cluster, with twelve smaller ships in attendance, to help map the cluster and watch out for any more Ratzi activity. The rest of the ships were sent back to their home ports, except the Alliance, which he boarded, along with the Equestrian delegation, destination Camelot, the fifty-kilometer diameter artificial planetoid in orbit around Epsidani Three. Before leaving, he called Captain Somers and Commodore Harkennon in for a conference.

“Word from the other Ratzi fronts show the Ratzis became very confused and uncoordinated shortly after the combat here, after which they dropped all their fighting and rapidly retreated, destination the Ratschancellory. They have never done that before, and it is my suspicion that whatever-it-is that is on the other end of the psionic amplifier the level one was using seems to have soiled its britches at our successful attack,” he told the two officers.

“One thing that we found out is the device lost power suddenly, when one of Captain Somers’ shots severed the main power coupling to the device. It acted like a sudden interruption of a psi-link, which can conceivably damage the telepaths at either end of the connection,” Commodore Harkennon reported after consulting her notepad.

“Jamie, I don’t know how you do it,” Admiral Chambers said to his uncle. “Grandfather trained me in weapons, and I have practiced diligently, but making a shot like that from a million kilometers? How do you do it?”

Jamie just leaned back in his seat, smiling. “Dad always told me to lead the target. Sure, there was a three second lightspeed delay, but the principle is the same as skeet shooting.”

“The last time you missed a clay pigeon, it was shortly after you graduated from the Academy, and you missed ONE after a night’s partying! I have not heard of you missing one since!” Gordon said with a groan.

“Pardon me, sir, but are the two of you related?” Bev asked.

Jamie and Gordon pointed at each other. “He’s my uncle,” and “He’s my nephew,” were said simultaneously, in identical dry tones of voice, like they had done this many times before.

“Oh, my…” Bev said, looking at the two. “I could not tell.”



Another week went by, studying the Ratzis and their gear. The changeling queens said the Ratzi drones they had control of only have limited knowledge, a lot of which they did not comprehend, not having the technological background to understand. Understanding was achieved when the queens met up with representatives of the sole insectoid member of the ISA, the Mantilla. The queens and Mantilla were able to conduct telepathy on a different level than the mammalian, lizardine, avian or crystalline members, and were able, with changeling help, to mentally probe Ratzi minds. There, it was found that each of the lower echelons of Ratzis, as speculated, only had ‘programming’ to do specific tasks and follow orders from higher echelons.

A combined task group, composed of changelings, ponies, Mantilla and humans got to work on the mental screens around the level one Ratzi. They took their time, peeling away one layer of the screen, checking, then moving deeper. It was a good thing Princess Twilight was present when they penetrated the last shield. The Anti-Harmony influence was found lurking deep in the level one’s subconscious, and it took alicorn-level power to keep it in place while the other Bearers of Harmony were summoned and brought to the examination room. It took Pinkie Pie’s Element to penetrate her opposite number’s Anti-Element, effectively eliminating the Anti-Element from the Ratzi. The Ratzi woke up, looking around in confusion.

“Alone…” he said in a whispery form of Equish.

“Alone? How so?” Twilight asked, coming down off her power use.

“No Master in my head, giving me directives. No amplifier, so we cannot reach each other. Master will presume me dead and assemble another Inquisitor to replace me. Why am I not dead?” he asked.

“What do you last remember, Inquisitor?” Twilight asked in reply.

“Directing the fleet. Objective to get the annihilator close enough to remove dark magic sources found in this area. Contact with fleet and Master lost at same time. Shock put me out. I wake here. All I know.”

“Rest, Inquisitor. Here, you are among friends, those who do not wish to hurt you, but learn from you,” Twilight told the rat. “We know nothing about your species, and why would you want to destroy our magic?”

“Dark Magic threat to stability of Master. Must eliminate threats so Master may be supreme, to conquer all Master surveys. Friends. Unusual topic but have referents. Must consider. Leave to think,” Inquisition said, closing his eyes and lying back on the exam bed.

“Well, tarnation! That fella believed everything he said as the truth. Ah think when we hit him with the rainbow, we done put something in he hadn’t thought about before,” Applejack observed.

“He thought just knowing about everything is fun!” Pinkie Pie squealed. “He doesn’t know what he’s missing, but he will!”

“Right now, we should report what we have found out to the Princesses and to the ISA,” Twilight said. She looked up to the Violet Changeling princess. “Princess Iralia, please look after Inquisitor, and alert us if he wakes up.”

Iralia moved closer to the rat’s bed. “I shall do so. His thoughts are… contemplative… now, figuring out concepts that are new to him. Being isolated from his Master is unknown, but he has enough awareness to not completely shut down. A fascinating subject, he is.”

“Hopefully much more than that, Princess Iralia. Time will tell. Let’s make our report,” Twilight said, leading the pack out of the exam room to the Castle.

The report Twilight gave to the Princesses and the ISA representatives did not have the effect of a tactical nuclear strike in midtown Manhattan, but it was a near thing. Commodore Harkennon immediately ordered more resources from Camelot, mainly Mantilla espers of a higher grade than the ones she had available as Gilgamesh crew. When she was told that there would be a week’s delay getting them out to Equestria, the Commodore started to get angry, but calmed down when Captain Somers said he could get them here by tomorrow night at the latest. When asked how, Captain Somers just gave a thin smile and said, “I have relatives in strange places, Bev.”

“That you do, Jamie. I’m surprised that your family can pull off virtual miracles, but they have been doing that regularly since the Sagan virus started showing up almost three centuries ago,” Commodore Harkennon replied.

“Yes. Your mother has been keeping my sister and I informed through her ‘back channels’,” Luna said with a snicker, which was echoed by Celestia.

“Mother does what Mother wants,” Jamie said with chagrin. “Just be glad you don’t know GRANDmother. She can be worse, if she puts her mind to it.”



Examination and questioning of Inquisitor, once the more powerful Mantilla arrived and were briefed in, led to the formation of plans that were quite daring, but had the potential of ending the Ratzi threat to the ISA. Princess Celestia called Commodore Harkennon, Captain Somers and Princesses Luna and Twilight to a secluded conference.

“With what we have learned from Inquisitor, the Master Ratzi is located on their home world, what you call the Ratschancellory. The Master is someone or something left over from the Ratzis Final War, centuries ago. What I propose is that, using plans and data provided by Inquisitor, The Master can be located and either converted to Harmony, or eradicated completely. Preferably converted, but the threat The Master presents offers us few options,” Celestia told the assembled.

“Captain Somers, thou and thine ship are requested to bring Princess Twilight and her friends to this Ratschancellory and let them do their act of Harmony,” Princess Luna added. “Barring that, destroy the Master from space.”

“There are two problems I can see, Princess Luna,” Jamie replied. “The first is that we have no detailed plans of the Ratschancellory, and the second is that we would not be able to approach within five light-years of the Ratschancellory without being detected.

Twilight then spoke up. “Captain Somers, thanks to our conversations with Inquisitor, I can provide maps of not only the space around the Ratschancellory, but high-quality maps of Center City itself, where the Master resides. Inquisitor has been in the Master’s chamber, but has not truly seen the Master. No one has, in a long time.”

“That will be of help, but what about being detected?” Captain Somers then asked.

Princess Celestia held up a large diamond in her aura. “Install this, Captain, against the structural frame of your ship, and it will render it invisible to almost all known detectors. The sensors that it will not render invisibility to, it will scramble the readings, so what they see is not what you are. Come with me, and I will enable you to turn the screens on and off.”

“How about some smaller ones, in case I have to launch some small craft?” was Captain Somers’ next question.

“It is hoped that all the work required can be done from your ship in orbit around the planet,” Princess Celestia said gently.

“If we can stop the war with the Ratzis, it’s worth any possible risk,” Commodore Harkennon added.

Jamie can only nod, accepting the situation. “You’re right, Bev. It is worth the risk.”

“If any ship and crew can do this job, you and the Hurin Tascheter can.”