//------------------------------//
// Rad: Stop That Train! Pt. 3 
// Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) 
// by Barrobroadcaster 
//------------------------------//

You know those chapter intros that start by posing a philosophical question or dilemma of some kind? And then they carry that out through the chapter and lightly touch on it in unique ways that kind of subvert expectations, make you kind of forget that first question and then at the end they give you a vague outcome that's ultimately more up to interpretation than really a definitive answer?

Well, the philosophical dilemma we're starting this chapter off with is, is there magic in violence? And we're going to provide an answer to that question right now: yes. Yes, it is. So instead of carrying a subtle theme all the way through the chapter and illustrating it with metaphor, we're gonna start this chapter off with a guy screaming.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAA!!"

This has been done before, too, but now it's extra moist.

"I'M PUNCHING YOU IN THE NECK! I AM PUNCHING YOU IN THE NECK!" Dan yelled. "AND IT'S CHOKING YOU! SO IT'S LIKE I'M PUNCHING YOU AND STRANGLING YOU AT THE SAME TIME!"

"GLCGH! GLGCH! GLLCH!!" The Team Rocket Grunt finally crumpled to the ground in a gargling mess. Dan stepped over him, sidestepped the grunt that tried to jump on him from the ceiling and elbowed him in the back of the head.

Dan learned to fight on the streets. Somewhat like a Street Fighter, if you will(and I know you will.) He picked up skills at gyms, the YMCA where they say it's fun to stay, and even a self-defense class for women which involved mostly groin kicks and shouting "THAT'S MY PURSE! I DON'T KNOW YOU!" Knowledge can come from anywhere.

The usual method involved a quick jab or chop to a vulnerable spot and then a quick follow-through to permanently disable the opponent. The eyes, the neck, the crotch, a solid jab in the stomach to get them kneeling, then grab and hammer them quickly into submission before moving on. This dispatched most 'tough guy'- type cronies with ease. This time, though, he also had a 'friend' to help him- the Team Rocket Grunt he was using as a human shield. As Dan is always unique, his way of using human shields was also unique.

First, Dan used the Grunt like a cudgel to bludgeon the other Grunts in front of him. But some of the henchmen were a bit tougher than the Grunts Dan was used to and would get up after he knocked them down. He'd swing his hostage by the legs or shoulders using his feet or head to beat down a Grunt ahead of him. Moving to the next train car, three assembled in front of him and tried to rush him, but he used his captive Grunt like a battering ram and leaped on all of them.

Dan had to replace Grunts as he made his way to the front of the train. Halfway to the locomotive, a few of them regrouped, rearmed and fired at him. Fortunately, Dan used his human weapon as a human shield and tied his arms around his neck. The hostage made no qualms about absorbing the bullets fired at Dan from behind. Rarity was able to take care of them shortly after, slowed only because of The Doctor's squeamishness.

"I will kill EVERYTHING on this train if I have to!" Dan exclaimed, punching a hapless Team Rocket Grunt into the wall. The man's Rocket cap fell off, as most of them did. A lot of the grunts were either balled or had short hair, even a couple of the female ones.

"Aigh! My ovaries!"

Dan did not discriminate. He made a point of not hitting ladies but if a woman was trying to kill him, she would go down.

"Will you people just learn to man up? You used to be tougher when I was in Team Rocket!"

A bloody-nosed grunt latched on to Dan's leg. "F-fuck you!"

Dan kicked him off. "Seriously, a ten-year-old could probably beat you guys single-handedly. You're worthless."

Four cars to the front, they started to get smarter. Or, at least more creative. Dan opened the connecting door to find a barricade of cargo and behind it, six grunts. Four were armed with the same generic SMGs the rest of them used but the two in the back had boxy quad-barrel rocket launchers. The same Team Rocket-brand rocket launchers Jessie and James had used so many times, though these were loaded with high explosives instead of freeze-blast material.

"FIRE!"

Dan hit the floor hard enough to put a mark on his face. A hail of lead and fire flew over him, impacting the walls behind him. The missiles exploded, filling the armored car with flames and forcing two of the MG grunts to hide behind the barricade. Even through Dan's human shield, he felt the heat. The grunt's clothes were torched instantly, leaving him in his boxer shorts.

And that was when the young man woke up. Dan rolled across the floor to put out the flames and his hostage suddenly started strangling him.

"AAAAAHH!! HAAAAHAAAAAAA!!" Eyes red, the crook screamed into Dan's face. "What will you do now?! WHAT WILL YOU D NOW?!?!"

Dan punched him in the face and the man fell unconscious. He then grabbed him, lifted him up and threw him over the barricade at the assembled Grunts.

"Gonna do that." Rarity and the Doctor entered, stepping through the carnage as they had all the way up the train to get to him. "Hey guys."

"Dan, we found... well, things," Rarity said.

"Yes, this train's cargo appears to be collectible in nature. As in, the cargo is collectibles."

"What, you mean like toys and junk?"

Rarity held up an object with her magic. "Well... yes."

Dan looked at it but he wasn't entirely sure what to think. Part of him was repulsed while the other was strangely captivated. It was... him. It was a Dan doll.

He grabbed the doll. "It's... me?" A squat, sitting Dan with an expression of mid-yell had apparently been chosen to make Dan's doll. Complete with its own JERK shirt, blue jeans, shoes and hair, the doll's fabric was even rough like Dan's skin. And heavy like Dan's... everything.

"I..."

"Are you alright, Dan?" Rarity asked. The human stared at the green-eyed doll with his own green eyes, seemingly fascinated.

"I... I need to kill someone and sue them. For this. And I'm not sure which I should do first."

"Not the most flattering interpretation of you but... well," the Doctor strained, "perhaps the likeness is... charming?"

Dan pulled the doll's string.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!"

Pulled it again.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME!!"

"I would say that," Dan admitted.

Rarity nodded. "There were also dolls of myself, Twilight and the others."

"Including Nicky?"

She nodded again. "And Fluffle Puff in several different colors."

"So we can collect them all," the Doctor said with sarcastic glee.

"And burn them in a pile. Along with whoever's idea this was," Dan said. The next scene was Dan throwing the Dan doll over the side of the train.

The next car was packed full of what they were after: ponies. Wall to wall and floor to ceiling, the car just to the rear of the engine had so much there wasn't room to get around.

Dan approached the captive pony closest to the entrance. He rubbed his fist against the frame holding them like an over-sized trading card. "It's Flip Shade! He owns the sunglasses store near the entrance to town. Or, he did," Dan remarked.

Flip's Shades had originally been located at the south end of Mane Street, right at the beginning of the road into the heart of Ponyville. It was great business for him as some visitors found the sun and all the colors a bit overwhelming when they first stopped by. Offering brand names and even his own custom lenses made Flip quite a well-off pony, as well as one of Ponyville's most eligible bachelors. Rumor had it that Vinyl's personal glasses came from his store and that he briefly dated her.

"That's a lot of sunglasses."

"Look here- they've frozen him with about twelve pairs of glasses," Rarity said, pointing. Shades in several varieties and even a pair of novelty glasses had been frozen in the same frame next to Flip Shades.

"Accessories," Dan remarked. "Just like Colgate."

"It's like they're toys. Collectibles," the Doctor said. "Equestria's ended. These bastards are looting the entire planet for everything they can find, everything that's now one-of-a-kind."

A bright fire suddenly erupted in the distance. Like another sun suddenly bloomed on the surface, it pierced its way through the blizzard and illuminated the area. A rumbling followed that shook the train and finally hit Dan, Rarity and Doctor Whooves, nearly knocking them off of it.

"Hold on! Hold on!!" Dan yelled.