//------------------------------// // Chapter 2: The Apple family is questioned // Story: Raridash Investigates // by Mica //------------------------------// (Note: All ages are in pony years.) Chapter 2: The Apple family is questioned They arrived at Sweet Apple Acres in the afternoon. Rarity was complaining about the mud, and how it would totally ruin her crushed velvet jacket. "Well, howdy," Applejack said. "What brings you here, Rarity? Rainbow Dash?" "Hello, Applejack. Is that your mailbox?" Rarity noticed it when she walked in. It was still standing, but a little crooked. "Yep. But I haven't looked at mah mail yet. There was a huge storm what blew through here a couple nights ago…'cause some idiot forgot to clear the sky over mah place!" she glared at Rainbow Dash. "Ehehe…sorry." That was the morning after the annual Wonderbolt gala. Rainbow Dash drank a little too much cider (which was ironically supplied by Sweet Apple Acres), and she overslept the next morning. "And anyway, I've been working on the repairs all day. Spike's come by to help. Said he wanted some fresh air." The dragon appeared from under a beam of wood. His eyes lit up. "Rarity! You're here! Have you come to help with the repairs?" After all, she is the generous one…most beautiful one. Should I tell her? About the note? He thought to himself. No…I can't! It's supposed to be a secret! "Oh, no thank you, Spikey-wikey. As a matter of fact, Rainbow Dash and I are here on official business." Applejack frowned a little. "'Official business,' huh?" "Oh yes, Applejack. We're investigating…" and so Rarity explained the whole thing. "Hmm," Applejack said. "Ah see. Well I for sure didn't write the note. Too busy with mah chores. And this note a'int my handwriting." "I see," Rarity said. Applejack's always honest...if she said she didn't write it, it's probably true. "But I'm not sure 'bout the others. I'll go ask mah sister Apple Bloom inside." Applejack started walking towards the house. Rarity and Rainbow Dash followed Applejack, and (of course) Spike followed Rarity. Applejack had a stern look on her face. "If it's Apple Bloom who wrote this here, you bet she's gettin' a spankin' from me." "If I say it's me, can I get a spanking from Rarity?" Spike said to himself, ogling at Rarity in front of her and her…cutie mark. Yeah. Her cutie mark. Spike couldn't help it. He always had a thing for older mares…not that he would ever tell Rarity that. It would break her heart if Spike told her that she looked over 30 (in pony years). Rainbow Dash pulled Spike aside for a minute. "Erm…just a second! You go without me, Rarity! I'll catch up with you!" Rarity watched Dash and Spike from afar. What are they doing…? It looks like…she's interrogating Spike! She's becoming more like a Detective now. Splendid! Splendid! Rarity smiled. Rarity followed Applejack into the house. They found Apple Bloom sitting at the table, eating a bowl of oats. Applejack glared at her. "Apple Bloom! You're in big trouble!" "What is it?" "Apple Bloom! Did you write this note here!?" Applejack showed her younger sister the love letter. "Ah know puberty's done driven you crazy these past few moons. Don't think I didn't done saw you skippin' yer chores, runnin' away from home, runnin' to Twilight to borrow that copy of Playmare magazine. That's filthy stuff, ya hear me!? Filthy!" "But ah didn't steal that from Twilight, sis. I took the Playmare from your nightstand." Applejack stopped yelling. The earth pony blushed. And of course all this time, Rarity was listening to this family quarrel. And taking notes on her notepad, like a true detective. Applejack…Playmare magazine…nightstand. Even Rarity couldn't help but giggle at Applejack. "P-please don't write that down, Rarity," Applejack said, still blushing. She then turned her attention back to her sister. "Now listen, missy, even that is forgivable. But this filthy love letter…that a'int how a member of the Apple family behaves! Ya hear me!?" "But ah didn't write it, sis!" Apple Bloom said. She was in tears. "Ah swear! Ah swear by Celestia an' Luna an'…an'…an'…all them alicorn goddess or whatever!" Applejack's face softened. "You promise, Apple Bloom?" "Yes, sis." "Cross yer heart…" "…and hope to die?" "Yes." "Yes, sis." "Okay." Applejack said sorry and hugged her younger sister. "Now go eat yer oats, and then come out an' help with the repairs." Applejack and Rarity went back outside. Rainbow Dash was still outside, but Spike had left to help Big Mac with the repairs. "I saw you were interrogating Spike," Rarity whispered to Rainbow Dash. "Did you get anything out of him?" "Erm…nothing! Nothing at all!" Dash said, chuckling nervously. She was sweating as well. Rarity examined her partner's facial expression. Hmm…the nervous sweat is a characteristic trait of a guilty party. As I read in the seventh volume of Shadow Spade. Could she be hiding something? Rarity frowned at the pegasus. "Rainbow Dash, are—" Rarity stopped herself. Oh, goodness, what am I doing? Rainbow Dash is my partner. If I can't trust her, who can I trust? "Erm…is everything all right?" Rainbow Dash asked, staring nervously at Rarity. Hmm. That nervous sweat again. Perhaps it's just the hot weather. Or perhaps Dash's just madly in love with me. Yes. That's precisely it. No surprise, I seem to have that effect on ponies…and baby dragons. Which seemed to be the much more obvious explanation, in Rarity's eyes. Rarity smiled to herself. "Nothing at all, Rainbow Dash, nothing at all," she said. "Come, we must question Big Mac next." Applejack followed the two pony detectives. "Big Mac! C'mere a sec!" Applejack said. The stallion trotted over. He stood there, silent, for a few seconds. Then he said, "…eeyup?" "We'd like to know if you sent this love letter," Rainbow Dash said. Before Big Mac could answer, Rarity interjected. "Oh, goodness, have you learned nothing, Rainbow Dash? That's not how you interrogate someone! You can't just expect them to tell you the truth right away. You must…wheedle it out of them. Watch me." Rainbow Dash hovered behind while Rarity examined Big Mac. "Now, is your name Big Macintosh Apple?" "…eeyup," he said, his expression unchanged. "And do you live on Sweet Apple Acres?" "No, he lives in the Everfree Forest!" Rainbow Dash interjected. "Get to the point already, Rarity!" Rarity rolled her eyes. "Oh…fine! Big Mac, did you, or did you not write this letter?" She showed it to him. "…nope." Big Mac said, without hesitation. "Satisfied, Detective Rarity?" Rainbow Dash said sarcastically. "Oh…very well." Rarity let Big Mac go. The stallion went back to working on the repairs. "Nopony in mah family sent this note," Applejack told Rarity and Rainbow Dash. "I swear by Celestia." "Wait!" Rarity said. "How about your grandmother?" Applejack was shocked. "Granny Smith!? But—" "We must interview everypony. I'm sorry, it's standard procedure," Rarity said. I read about this in the twelfth volume of Shadow Spade, Rarity thought. An 80-year-old pony had an affair and murdered his wife so that she wouldn't find out. Or…was it an 18-year-old pony? Or…an 8-year-old pony? No, that can't be right. "Y-you can't expect my 80-year-old grandmother to have written—oh…fine." Applejack rolled her eyes. "If it pleases ya. Follow me." Granny Smith was also helping with the repairs. She was in the barn, sorting out the different nails and screws they had in storage. "Granny?" Applejack said. "My friends here wanna ask you some questions." Rarity introduced herself, and then showed the elderly pony the love letter. "Did you write this, Granny Smith?" "I…I can't read it. It's too small," Granny Smith said. So Rainbow Dash read it out loud for Granny Smith. The elder pony sat for a minute, her face dumbstruck. "I…I…don't even understand it! Is…isn't a pussy a cat or somethin'?" "Erm…" Applejack trailed off. It felt like the time she had to explain the birds and the bees to Apple Bloom: she…she just couldn't get herself to talk. She was too embarrassed. So Apple Bloom had to learn about sex…from a Playmare magazine. A Playmare magazine. She still couldn't get over that. "I…I don't think she wrote the note, Rarity," Rainbow Dash said. I thought this was going to be interesting. Now I look a total fool, Rarity thought. She pulled the brim down on her hat, said goodbye to Granny Smith, and walked away with Rainbow Dash hovering behind. "I'm sorry Rarity has kept you for so long," Rainbow Dash said. It was Rarity's fault. It wasn't her fault. She was just tagging along with Rarity. Rainbow just couldn't imagine it. Me? A detective? Never. She wanted adventure. Like her idol, Daring Do. Asking ponies questions for a living was just plain boring. "Ah, don't sweat it," Applejack said. "Well, since y'all reminded me, I'll guess I'll check mah mail now…" Applejack looked through her mail. She found a letter. She opened the envelope. She read the letter inside, and her eyes widened. "Sweet apple molasses!" Her face turned apple red. "What is it? What is it?" Rarity probed. "I demand you show me the note, Applejack. It may be part of our investigation!" "Well…erm…" Although she was embarrassed, she told the truth. "I reckon it's…it's one of those love notes you was fussin' about." Rarity used her magic to take it from Applejack. She read it, with a strange frown. "Rainbow Dash…does this look familiar to you?" Rainbow Dash read the letter Applejack got. "Wait…hold on…it says, 'My loveliest dearest: I am your secret admirer, I long for you to kindle my…' blah blah blah…WAIT! This is the exact same note that Rarity got! Word for word! And in the same handwriting!" "Ah, except for one difference, Rainbow Dash. You will note the signature says, 'Your best friend' instead of 'Your lesbian best friend.'" Rarity said. "Oh, I didn't see that before," Dash said. "Oh of course you didn't. As a detective, I have keener perceptions than the average pony, you know," she said, raising the brim of her hat and flashing her crushed velvet jacket, which she folded up so it wouldn't get dirty in the mud. "Actually, erm…my hoof was blocking the signature," Dash admitted. "I moved it just now." "Oh, well." Rarity paused. "But all that I said before is still true." It doesn't make sense. Two nearly identical notes…written in the same hand, furthermore…what is this? Do we have a single culprit? A player? A pony who consorts with multiple suitors at the same time!? Oh, the horror! "Oh the horror!" Rarity accidentally said out loud. "Your jacket didn't even get any mud on it, Rarity," Rainbow Dash said, thinking that was what Rarity was complaining about. "I wasn't talking about that!" Rarity said. "Oh," she simply said, feeling slightly embarrassed. Wait, I'm the one worrying about Rarity's outfit!? I'm starting to care about her clothes. I…I'm confused. I…I think I'm even starting to sound like her. After her face became a little less red, Rainbow Dash said, "Well, why did Applejack get a love note exactly the same as the one Rarity got?" "With a different signature," Rarity noted. "With a different signature," Rainbow Dash repeated. "Well…ah a'int got time for this. Gotta get goin' on them repairs." "Wait! Hold on a sec, Applejack!" Rainbow Dash called. Rainbow Dash took a look at the envelope of the note Applejack got. "See, Applejack? The love letter you got isn't for you. It's for me. See? It says, 'to Rainbow Dash.'" "Oh…why…I never noticed that," Rarity admitted. "I'm a Wonderbolt, you know. As a Wonderbolt, I have keener perceptions than the average pony," Dash said, copying Rarity's line. She just wanted to beat Rarity at wittiness. She didn't care much for wit itself, it wasn't 20% cooler. But winning…that was something she could get on board with. Rarity rolled her eyes at Rainbow Dash. "Heehee, gotcha," Rainbow Dash said, hovering to the right of Rarity. The Wonderbolt's voice was surprisingly…teasing. And feminine. Rarity didn't expect that. Maybe that was part of the whole "keener perceptions" package of being a Wonderbolt. Applejack came back. "Really? Lemme see that envelope. Argh! Dagummit, that stupid mail mare Derpy switched our mail again!" The envelope Applejack got read "to Rainbow Dash." The envelope that Rarity got was addressed "to Rarity." So Rarity's mail wasn't mixed up. Just Applejack's and Rainbow Dash's. Applejack looked into her mailbox again. "Hey look, a lot of this mail in mah mailbox is yours, Rainbow Dash. Your water bill, a letter from Spitfire, a wing polisher catalog, your copy of 'Daring Do' magazine, and your copy of…'Pony Spa Monthly?'" "Why, Rainbow Dash, I subscribe to that magazine too!" Rarity said. "I suppose you like to hear about the latest in spa facials and indulgent hooficures?" Rainbow Dash fell back to the ground due to embarrassment. She snatched the magazine from Applejack. "No! No! I-I-I can explain! I'm just looking at it for the sports massage stuff! I swear!" "Sure…just like the last time, and the last time," Applejack said, stifling a laugh. She and Rarity caught Rainbow Dash at the spa twice. Even though Rainbow Dash did admit to her girly side at the time, she was still shy about it…Wonderbolts were supposed to be tough. She wasn't supposed to enjoy hooficures. Rarity flipped through the spa magazine. "Hmm…not much on sports massages this month. So you probably wouldn't be interested. Shall I throw it away for you, Rainbow Dash…?" She was about to drop it into a mud puddle. Rainbow Dash quickly snatched the magazine from Rarity. She didn't say anything. Just gave the unicorn a big frown. Rarity fluttered her eyelashes and grinned. Ha. As I suspected. Detective Rarity is quite on form today. "Look on the bright side, Rainbow Dash," Rarity said. "At least it's not as embarrassing as Applejack's Playmare magazine." Applejack ignored Rarity, trying to hide her embarrassment. "Ah was supposed to get a package fer Big Mac's birthday tomorrow. Now it could be anywhere. Argh. Dagummit," Applejack repeated. "That stupid Derpy. You just a'int never can trust a mare who talk funny." Applejack paused. She chuckled, a nervous sweat in her mane. "Ehehe. Okay, bad example." "So I received a letter, and you, Rainbow Dash, received a letter as well," Rarity said. "That would make you…victim number TWO!" Dramatic music played in Rarity's head. The romanticism of it…the suspense…the mystery! What fun! Oh, the joy! "Oh the joy!" Rarity said out loud. In a daze, she tripped, and fell into a mud puddle. "You really do love bein' covered in mud, huh!?" Applejack chuckled. Rarity lay flat in the mud puddle. Her brand new a-la-mode crushed velvet jacket was completely covered in it. Her pool of tears only made it muddier. "Oh…SHUT UP AND GET ME TWO BUCKETS OF HOT WATER AND FIVE PACKETS OF DETERGENT THIS INSTANT!" Rarity screamed, like a drama queen, so loud that everypony on the farm could hear. Spike, being her devoted crushie, was of course the first to come to the rescue. He could be seen running around, trying to count to five on the four fingers of his right hand.