//------------------------------//
// Chapter 3: Secrets 
// Story: The Half of It 
// by Shapeshift 
//------------------------------//

I woke up on Friday, took a shower, washed the bed sheets and went through my usual routine until later in the day, when I decided to go to Cordial's general store. It doesn't take much more than fifteen minutes to get there, and when I did, I went up to one of the employees in the front of the large store.

"Excuse me."

The stallion turned around from shelving, "Yes?"

"Is Cordial here today? I need to ask him about a personal order."

"Yeah, he should be. He was in the health section when I saw him about 20 minutes ago. He may be in his office, though."

I smiled, "Alright, thanks."

I decided to go to the health section first. He was shelving what looked like half of the entire aisle, and as I went down it I spotted an interesting pocket watch. I didn’t get a close look at it but the cover had something engraved on it in the same style as the Canterlot castle's historical stained glass windows. Though I didn't take it because it was probably another pony's.

"Wow. Took you a while to get fully stocked again."

Cordial kept working but knew it was me. "Yeah, since the changeling attack some ponies were expecting another, so getting these supplies fully stocked was harder than usual. I'm trying to buy in bulk prices and sell in individual."

A small brief anxiety spike.

"Ah, okay. So I was wondering if you could find me a pony who sells enchantment supplies. The kind for analyzing, and wide variety, too."

Cordial paused to think for a few seconds. "I think I can find you a pony, but it'll probably have to be more than one. There's not many that make a wide range of them in good quality. I can give you an estimate on the finder's fee after this."

"That's fine. There's a pocket watch with Discord on it in this aisle. Did somebody lose it?"

"A pocket watch? No, we haven't bought any of those with that on it. I think somebody lost it, so depending on its worth I'll have it in the lost and found for up to several months. Hopefully somebody will pick it up before then, otherwise I'll be selling it.

"Oh. I was hoping it was being sold. So..."

I should try asking him about his Canterlot attack experience. It could let me read his emotions about it. At least for another second or two. 

"... I never asked what happened to you during the Canterlot attack."

Deep physically hesitated a bit. 

Fear, a bit of regret and anger, worry, and sightly more of something that feels like slightly off worry. I need to know what it is.

He said, "That's not something I'm willing to talk about with anyone", with a slightly distant look in his eyes. He then stopped shelving and motioned for me to follow while saying, "I think it'll be better if I get you the estimate now. It's not like anypony who comes in here looks for immediate medical care, and the employees would help anyways." So I started walking with him to his office.

I could try using my detection spell, but it may not be accurate enough. I need to think a bit on what to do next.

So I quickly said, "Actually, I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be back.", then trotted over and into it. I sat on the toilet while thinking.

So far everything that I noticed is only inductive proof. His emotions about the attack are only a bit odd for a pony's and so are his actions. My changeling magic detection spell can be further proof, but still only inductive because it correctly identified only two changelings and one possible changeling. I'll use the spell on him and if it shows any magic, then I'll call him out on it privately. But how am I going to do that?

I haven't done anything like that before. I also haven't known him for long, so he could be malicious, but I suppose I could use my telekinesis to restrain him if I can stay right next to him. But what about his possible magic? I don't know much offensive battle magic. As much as I'd hate it, I guess I'll have to knock him out if he so much as lights up in any way.

So I trotted to Cordial's small office after casting my spell in the bathroom and I noticed his body being highlighted through the wall. I shut the door behind me. The office was filled with filing cabinets, which had a lot of info on past sales, other sellers, ponies looking to hire, and pretty much everything else you could possibly think of that would be in an office cabinet. Of course, there was also a desk that Cordial was sitting behind and two chairs in front that matched the other two for waiting right outside his door.

He told me "Okay, so the fee's probably going to be about one hundred bits."

I raised an eyebrow with a surprised look and said, "Isn't that a bit much?"

"You've always said that you wanted quality products and it takes a lot of time to go through my files and more to find new contacts." He shrugged and added, "I've got to make a living off of it if I'm spending extra time on it."

"Okay. I guess you can run the bill up to one hundred and I'll pay for whoever's info you find."

"Sounds good to me."

"Alright. I've got nothing else so I'll see you later."

Might as well tell him now.

"Oh, and I know you're a changeling."

As soon as I finished that sentence, he said, "What!?", shut the door, and tripped me with green magic as I was turning around. He then got right over me and said, "How do you know?! Somepony told you, didn't they?!"

I was worried for myself at this point but I managed to say "T-technically, you, right now."

Cordial put a hoof to his face in self disbelief, then gave me a flat and serious stare close to my face and demanded, "Then why did you say it?"

I nerviously responded with "Because I thought that you could be one, but I- the phrase came out a bit wrong. I was going to imply that I wasn't sure."

Backing his face away from mine a bit, he sighed deeply and gave my sixth sense a feeling of irritation and worry. "What made you think that I was a changeling?"

"I sensed some questionable emotions from you."

It was Cordial's turn to be surprised again. "You're a changeling, too?" But then he grew more nervous and put his face inches from mine again, saying, "Or do they have a spell for sensing emotions that I don't know about?"

"No, we don't have that yet, but I'm not exactly a changeling."

Cordial narrowed his eyes at me, but backed up, saying "Then prove that you're 'not exactly a changeling'."

I got up and changed into Cordial's disguise with a flash of green flame.

Cordial pointed at me lamely and said "That only proves that you're a changeling."

So I took an apple on his desk with my pony magic, put it between us, and transformed it into an orange.

Realization struck Cordial. "But... that's pony magic! How are you doing this?"

"My real body's been part changeling since the Canterlot attack. I can't remember why, but-"

With an unamused stare Cordial said "You drank your potion, didn't you?"

I sighed and said, "Yeah, I probably did. But I don't remember it, so that may not be the case." with a sightly sad tone.

Cordial gave me another suspicious look. "So why should I trust you to not tell anypony that I'm a changeling if you've only been part changeling for less than a few months?"

"Because I've managed to stay hidden- well, keep my change hidden and I'd like to keep it that way for who knows how long. And I prefer to be called a half-ling."

"Alright. You don't tell anypony and I don't tell anypony."

"You don't tell anybody."

Deep rolled his eyes. "What's the difference?"

"One refers to only ponies while the other refers to all sentient beings."

"Right. Stupid ponyisms."

Deep let out some relief while he went back to his position at the desk then said, "Anyways, you can go."

I left for my house without saying anything, and mostly experimented with changeling magic for the rest of the day.

The next day, after sundown, I left my apartment to hang out with Blitz and Modus. We usually meet at a pub with a very fitting name. After it was built, the owner couldn’t decide on a name for a few weeks. He eventually realized that it was attracting ponies who were more strange than many of the city’s residents, so he decided to name it The Fairly Odd Pub.

When I arrived, I was met with the pub’s usual sight of a taxidermy cockatrice, manticore, and a few other animals. There was even a slain timberwolf strewn up from the ceiling, arranged to show what it looked like. How somebody managed to slay it without burning it to ashes is as beyond me as the going price for one. It’s so rare that most ponies think it’s not the real thing until they see it’s certificate of authenticity. Anyways, the pub also gets more than it’s fair share of changelings, so they’re asked to not shape-shift in the building. Otherwise, the customers getting used to ponies suddenly bursting into flames won’t even bat an eye at it, which, for several reasons, can’t be a good thing in a place filled with alcohol.

There were a few booths with comfy seats along the wall, and the rest of the seating arrangements were tables with stools that tended to be moderately uncomfortable. We always try to get there earlier than the after work rush so we can use a booth, which was where Blitzkrieg and our changeling friend, Modus Ponens, were sitting when I arrived.

They both greeted me and Modus said “You seem to be used to my real body by now, for the most part. At first, just seeing me would weird you out, and I didn’t even need my emotion sense to know that you didn’t want to so much as touch me.”

I still felt a small tinge of guilt for being like that towards him, but he already knew all about that for changeling reasons. 

“Yeah, I’d have to agree with Shape. Chitin on pony sized creatures seemed weird at first. You seem to only flinch every once in a while around him, just like you did around me for a few weeks after the spinach incident,” Blitz observed. “And that reminds me, I never asked what specifically happened with you during the invasion. Wasn’t it a nightmare for you?” 

“Yeah, it was,” I answered. “I noticed it from the beginning, like most. I was in my lab when I heard them dive bombing, and I took a look out the window to see them falling everywhere. For a few seconds I thought I might have been in one of my rare giant bug nightmares. Though, for some reason, I can’t remember anything after that. The next thing I knew I was waking up to my lab in complete discord and a large hole in the ceiling.” 

“Sounds like it could have been pretty bad, so it might be good that you forgot it,” Modus said.

It can’t be any worse than what happened after. To bad I can’t forget that.

“Maybe. And speaking of mysteries,” I then turned to Modus with a look of confusion, “why did you denounce you changeling name? I mean, it’s the first part of your pony name anyways.”

“It’s the principle of it. Chrysalis definitely doesn’t like it, because it shows her that the changeling recognizes freedom she doesn’t want them to discover. Specifically, I’m doing it to show her and other changelings that they don’t have to be under her dystopian rule,” Modus explained.

“So you’re saying that the changelings should all leave the hive?” Blitz asked.

“No, not specifically. There’s more than one way to choose your government. They can leave the hive, but they can also stay and try to... push Chrysalis into political submission. Anyways, I’ve been trying to find a way to create an explosive plant lately.”

Blitz quirked an eyebrow in confusion and said, “What’s the point in doing that?”

“Besides how hilarious it would be,” Modus said with a smile, “I’d like to see how cost effective it can be.”

“Well, it would be funny to see the Guard armed with explosive coconuts and pineapples," Blitz admitted, “but I don’t really think it would be a very cheep method for producing explosives.”

I responded with, “At least it would be an interesting novelty, even if each one’s short lived. Though before you sell it to civilians, you’d probably have to make sure that the explosions aren’t too powerful. And speaking of short lived experiences, at least one of you have seen a blood moon before, right?”

They both say, “Yeah.”

And Blitz asks, “Why do you have a sudden interest in astronomy?”

I started my explanation with, “Well, Luna controls the moon, but does that connection include her mon-”

“WELL! I’ve already heard enough of this topic.” Blitz said as he got up from his seat. “I think I’ll go chug an entire barrel of hard cider to forget that.”

After several seconds of Modus and I snickering, I ask him with some concern in my voice, “Do you think he’ll actually do it?”

But Modus says, “Ehh. I doubt it.”

I guess that was too nasty for Blitz. Maybe Modus is rubbing off onto me a little too much.

So we continued the blood moon topic for several minutes, and went on to something else for a while. I started to notice Modus feeling a little worried about me, but I just ignored it to try and act like I usually do. Then Blitz came back looking like he fulfilled the first part of his namesake... again.

Modus asked what I was wondering with the same deadpan expression. “Did you... actually drink an entire barrel?”

“A barrel of what?" Blitz slurred.

I said “Yeah, he’s hammered," with no amusement in my tone, while Blitz took a seat.

Blitz pointed at me and tried to counter that with, “You’re high, go to school," with a slightly smug grin, but Modus and I just laughed at that.

Blitz laughed but went back to confusion, saying “How’s that funny?” before Modus and I were done laughing.

“We’ll tell you later” Modus said while I noticed his worry for me increase a bit more, “because there’s something else that I need to ask Shape.”

I stayed quiet as Modus turned to look at me and said “You seem to be acting a little odd recently. Did something happen?”

“Noth-” I began, but was cut off by Blitz.

“Yeah, you haven’t been showering or brushing your teeth as often, your apartment’s also been gross and you’ve been more of a hermit. But you’ve been sadder and more nervouser too. I love you, and you don’t have to be afraid to tell us anything.“

Despite the pressure to tell them, I said “No, nothing new’s been going on," because I would’ve preferred to talk about it with only Modus in private, but I also didn’t want them getting caught in any crossfire from what I was planning.

Our waiter, Olivia, came by and asked “You guys need anything?” in her sweet bubbly voice, which I thought was a little odd for her species seeing as she’s a griffin. Then again, I don’t see a lot of griffins.

“I’ll have the watermelon-applejack cocktail” I said, without looking at the menu. Blitz gave me a slightly odd stare, and my sixth sense told me that he was a little surprised. For some reason it also made him give off serenity and a little fear.

Olivia must have noticed that Blitz was hammered and Modus wasn’t done with his drink because she said “Alright, that will be out in a jiffy!” and left the table.

As soon as she did, I turned to Blitz in irritation and said “What? Why should only mares be allowed to have fruity drinks? When I feel like garbage, I’m not looking to get a drink that tastes like it!”

Modus was moderately surprised at my sudden aggression , but still shrugged and said “Makes sense to me.”

Blitz didn’t react much, but said “It’s weird, but I’m not here to tell you what to do," with a moderately drunk slur. 

Modus was about to say something when Olivia practically teleported right behind me. As soon as she said “Your watermelon-applejack cocktail," I jumped. But she didn’t react to it and set my drink down.

I turned to her and asked “How is it that you can always sneak up on me that easily?”

Olivia turned thoughtful for a few seconds, then answered with “I… don’t really know. It only happens when I’m waiting tables.”

“Yeah, that’s a bit odd. Not many ponies can sneak up on Shape that easily," Modus said.

“Oh, I thought you were just easily startled. Anyways, I’ve got other tables to wait, so call me over if you need anything else.”

When Olivia left I drank my order in one swig, then Modus quarked an eyebrow slightly and said “Shouldn’t you take it easy? After all, I thought you wanted to enjoy the drink.”

I didn’t say anything to that because I knew that Modus could tell what I was feeling and I had the same sixth sense so I knew that he was sorry, especially because his ears were pinned back a bit. My irritation at him lessened, and I turned to Blitz to ask “So how much can you tell us about how Equestria was founded?”

I didn’t really ask to know about that quite as much as to keep from talking about how I was feeling, and I knew Blitz was a huge history buff so he could go for hours if he tried. Though Blitz was still drunk near the end of his lecture because he continued drinking during it, so some of the facts he told us were wrong and several others were probably not accurate.

"Thanks to the new friendship of the... um... visors, the leaders decided to share the lan and call it Celestia! And that, my frends, is how Celestia was laid!"

I suddenly started laughing my flank off, because I was probably borderline drunk at the time. Though Modus laughed for only a few moments and Blitz gave this perplexed look while asking “What’s so funny about that?”

Though it only took him a few seconds to realize what he actually said and laughed a bit as well.

“Well that was the most detailed and interesting drunk lecture I’ve ever had of history, though I’m sure that some of that wasn't quite right," Modus observed.

With a bit of a smile I asked “But isn’t that the only drunk lecture of history you’ve ever had?”

Modus tapped his chin in thought. “Well, the hive doesn’t teach much history, being drunk at all is almost a crime there, and I’ve never attended an Equestrian history class before. So I guess not.”

“I’m getting tired so I should probably go home to my bed.”

“I should probably get home before my wife starts wondering where I am.”

He probably sensed my confusion because he added “I mean I said to her that I’d be back before twelve.”

I then felt Blitz get disappointed and he said “I’m going to stay longer.”

But Modus told him in a lightly concerned voice “I know you’re more friendly when you’re hammered, but you’re hammered. Shouldn’t you get home before you do something more regretful than what you could do at home?”

“Wouldn’t it also be boring to just sit here by yourself?” I added.

So Blitz countered with “No, I’d be talking with other ponies," though his emotions seemed to show no interest in anyone as far as I could tell.

Modus then rolled hi eyes. “I haven’t had any infiltrator training, but I’m a changeling, Blitz. I can sense that you have little interest in others here besides us.”

Blitz gave in a “Fine...” and we both walked him home. Now, normally Modus would tell me that he’d handle getting Blitz home seeing as it was not much of a detour to his house. But at that time I didn’t wonder much as to why he didn’t tell me that I didn’t have to help him, until after we got Blitz home.

After exiting his house I said bye to Modus, but he said “Actually, can I talk with you for a few minutes while you walk home?”

I got a little nervous and slowly said “I guess so.”

So we both didn’t say anything for a minute or two, until Modus spoke up. “I know you’d probably prefer to talk with Blitz about this, but I’d really want to help you with whatever is bothering you.”

I could tell you, but you can sometimes be bad with secrets. There’s also no telling whether or not I might accidentally drag you into the trouble I get in.

So I decided to say, “I… Something happened during the changeling invasion that I can’t remember. Something important. I’ve been trying to find out what it was.”

He gave me a hopeful look and asked,“So I can help you with it?”

As much as I hated to say it with the look he was giving me, I calmly said, “No.”

I felt him grow more confused and he asked, “Why not?”

This whole conversation was getting me more worried about him getting into my trouble the more questions he asked about it, so I said a bit nervously “It’s probably best for me to do it on my own.”

Modus pinned his ears back a bit. “You’re making it seem dangerous to me.”

I thought on that for a few moments. “I’m not even sure if it’ll end up being dangerous for me.”

He would’ve raised an eyebrow at me if he had any, if his confusion I sensed was any indication. “How important is this?”

I usually wear my neutral face when I have any negative feelings, but at this point I realized that my ears were starting to fold down against my head and I was starting to lose control of my sadness. “It’s… pretty important. I need closure.”

Modus then cut in front of me and asked “Just promise me that you’ll be careful and won’t do anything immoral.”

I was surprised that Modus said that last part, considering how I’ve never done anything immoral on purpose in years. “I… you know I’m always careful, and I’m not thinking of doing anything immoral.”

Modus gave me a completely serious look and said, “Promise me you won’t do anything immoral.”

I looked perplexed, so Modus stated “You didn’t promise on the last bit. I sensed it in more than your words.”

My nerves may have started to show a bit. I wasn’t completely sure if I could keep that promise, but I was trying regardless of who I was doing it for, so I said it.

“Thanks, Shape. I care about you, and I can’t let you get into too much trouble.”

He then hugged me, and it felt great. Blitz isn’t very touchy-feely and I was scared of Modus for a while after the invasion, so I haven’t really had much close contact lately with any sentient creature. So I hugged him back… for a little too long.

“Shape, can you, uh…”

“O-oh, sorry.”

I let go and rubbed the back of my head in embarrassment.

Modus spoke first, “I’ll um… I’m glad that…”

I slowly completed the last one, “I don’t think of you any differently?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you next week.”

I said, “Ok, bye," and trotted off a little faster than normal.

It felt good to not have him worry as much, but I didn’t know why I still felt bad for not telling him what happened right after the invasion. Yet at the same time, I knew I almost had to get into at least some trouble with the hive to get what I was looking for. So as long as the control of the hive was in the hands of Chrysalis or those with her current mindset, I’d have to keep myself hidden in plain sight.

I tried to push those thoughts aside as I walked home, and when I opened my front door, Frost greeted me. He usually doesn’t if he’s not hungry so I gave him some food and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. 

Ponies didn’t seem to have noticed it, but I was making a conscious effort to ignore my own reflection since the changeling attack. But that’s not to say that I didn’t look at it when I needed to.

So when I was done brushing, I decided to get a good look at myself. After noticing the things that Blitz said, I started wondering how long I’d have to keep trying to pretend that little has changed. My morbid curiosity about the change got the best of me at that moment and I decided to close the door and let my disguise go.

I was greeted with the reflection of my real self, queen eyes and all.

I'm a stranger to myself now. I don't feel like this is my... chitin covered horn... my leg holes. I feel like it's harder than it should be to look away from them! And every changeling I see reminds me that I have these things! Even Modus at times.

I decided that I had enough of looking at what shouldn’t have been me, and changed back. I felt like I wanted to tear the cabinet door under the sink off and destroy the mirror in a fit of rage, but I didn’t. I wasn’t insane and I was better than that.

So I opened the door to my bedroom, turned off all the lights and went to bed. I knew if I kept letting myself think about my problems I wouldn’t get any sleep, so I tried to get my mind to wander away from it. Frost usually expects me to pet him for several minutes after I get to bed, and it always helped me fall asleep.

Tonight wasn’t any different, as he hoped onto the bed, bunted my face, and sat right next to me while purring. I greeted him with a sweet voice and reached my hoof to his side opposite to myself. I started petting him there and he shortly rolled to his side so I could pet his belly.

My attention eventually shifted to him entirely. With the sensation of petting him and the sound of his purring, I eventually drifted off into slumber.