"So...that's your field report?" Ramsbottom asked as he stared from Lucy to Gru to Tempest with a frustrated look on his face.
"Yup!" Lucy confirmed happily.
"Eduardo is, in fact, El Macho," Ramsbottom continued, "and was behind the theft of the PX-41."
"Called it," Gru commented playfully.
Ramsbottom rubbed his forehead in frustration. "And he was using it to mutate these...Minions...into unstoppable killing machines shaped for violence and destruction."
"Think of them as Warrior Minions," Tempest offered helpfully, though without letting the smug smirk fade from her face.
"And Gru's associate Dr. Nefario was doing the science for him," Ramsbottom continued.
Nefario shrugged. "I missed doing mad science. Ever since Gru stopped doing villainy to be a parent full time, the closest I've come is trying to make new jelly formulas that deliberately taste bad to sell for pranks."
"That was on purpose?" Gru asked in surprise.
"Of course," Nefario confirmed. "With how competent they've gotten since Tempest showed up, do you really think the Minions would do something like that on accident?"
"And rather than an official agent or even a consultant making this discovery," Ramsbottom interrupted, trying to drag attention back to the subject at hand, "it was Gru's...pet-"
"Hey!" Gru snapped. "Human or not, Tempest is my daughter. Don't go calling her a pet."
Ramsbottom stared at him ruefully. "Right...it was Tempest who found this information, as well as the motives behind El Macho getting back into villainy." His lips pulled into a grimace, more so than normal. "At which point she then negotiated a deal for him to turn over his weaponry and remaining stores of PX-41 in exchange for not arresting him and throwing him in jail." He turned to glare at Tempest.
"He's a single father, and at most 20% of his assets are specifically villainous and the sort you could legally seize as part of this operation," Tempest pointed out flatly. "And his already emotionally traumatized son is just about to hit puberty when his emotional state is at its most volatile. Somehow I didn't think arresting a villain who wasn't going to do villainy anymore was worth creating a worse one that would be deliberately targeting us and the AVL before wrecking havoc."
Ramsbottom pinched the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. "...fair enough." He turned back to Lucy. "And in all this time, you and Gru were..."
"Alternately dancing together or sneaking off to alcoves to make out like horny teenagers," Lucy replied readily.
"Probably something you should avoid saying in front of the girls," Nefario suggested awkwardly. "Youngsters generally don't like knowing the details of their parental figures...activities."
"And yes, that's the report," Gru concluded firmly. "Geeze, it's like she just got finished saying all that five minutes ago!"
Ramsbottom groaned as he buried his face in his hands. "Forgive me for wanting to confirm that I heard something so absurd accurately," he managed to get out before looking up at the group. "And as for El Macho now...?"
"Subcontracted out to work for Gru in terms of any vigilante work, whether unofficial or for the AVL," Nefario spoke up. "He's got good tech and good skills, so recruitment works better than imprisonment." He shrugged his shoulders. "And given the tactics Gru will use to deal with villains if he does choose to work long term for the AVL, the only difference between that and our villainous activities is that our targets will be more challenging and we won't get in trouble for succeeding."
"A point that won El Macho over to the idea rather quickly," Tempest pointed out. "Though you might want to arrange for some therapists for him and his son, to help them get past what happened to his wife in a more healthy way."
Ramsbottom leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "Well, I look forward to seeing how you manage to file all of this, Lucy-"
"Actually, I'm still on assignment," Lucy pointed out. "Recruiting Gru? He hasn't decided one way or another if he's going to officially work for the AVL, so my mission technically isn't finished. And since I didn't have anything directly to do with the resolution of the El Macho situation - it was all on Gru and Tempest, who you conditionally approved to work with as civilian consultants until my recruitment attempts resolved one way or the other - you need to fill out the paperwork, sir." As Ramsbottom stared at her, she pulled out a notebook. "Mission Connections Protocols, page 17, paragraph 4."
As Ramsbottom's eyes widened, Tempest and Gru both began to cackle madly, having realized that they could presently get away with fighting villains all they wanted and not have to fill out any paperwork about it, just by continuing to say 'maybe'...and by recruiting instead of arresting when appropriate, whether or not they were being paid was a non-issue.
"...oh god..." Ramsbottom groaned, realizing what they were cackling about.
Nefario grinned widely. "Never thought I'd see this skit in real life," he observed thoughtfully. "Wish I'd brought popcorn."